Perfect Strangers (1986–1993): Season 8, Episode 5 - Up, Up and Away: Part 1 - full transcript
[theme music]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you
just get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds are
this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stand
in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ And a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder ♪
♪ The wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪
♪ Oo‐oh ♪
♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stop me now ♪
[music continues]
Hi, Jen, I’m home.
I‐I’m sorry I’m late.
The traffic was terrible.
Larry...
Oh.
Oh, sweetheart.
Sweetheart,
I’m‐I’m so sorry.
Oh, I‐I didn’t see you there.
Although, I don’t know
how I could have missed you.
[laughs]
No, I mean, not that you’re
not that you’re too big to miss.
No, just, no,
I didn’t mean I‐I‐I...
And I’ll‐I’ll
stop talking now.
Is there, is there anything
I can do for you, precious?
Yes, have this baby.
Alright, I know you’re a little
overdue and I understand.
I do.
Really.
But you are gonna
have this baby any day now.
No, Larry,
I’ve been pregnant so long
that this baby is gonna go
straight from delivery room
to college.
Well, at least we’ll miss
the toilet training.
♪ Boochi boochi boochi ♪
[gasps]
♪ Boochi boochi boochi ♪
♪ Boochi boochi boochi ♪
Alright, it hasn’t
escaped our notice
that some people
in this house
we’re not gonna
mention names...
No.
...have been
a little less than jolly.
But we have just the way
to turn them frowns upside down.
We’re going to a place
that’s big and colorful
where barnyard animals
roam freely.
No, it’s not my bedroom.
[laughs]
Where do I come up
with them?
We’re going to the fair.
‐Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
‐Wheee.
Oo‐ah.
And Balki’s gonna enter his
boysenberry pig gut preserves
in the jams
and jellies contest.
Come on, you guys,
you want to be
the first in line
at the petting zoo
because later in the afternoon
the animals get so cranky.
So, come on,
come on, come on‐‐
Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.
Hold it. Hold it.
Are you crazy?
We are not going to the fair.
Jennifer is in
no condition to be
waddling around
the fairgrounds.
She can barely
waddle around here.
Now, I mean,
just look at her.
I think they get
the picture, Larry.
The fair is out of
the question.
Okay, forget the fair.
We’ll go miniature golfing.
We’ll just sort of golf
around her. Just...
Balki.
Balki, take a hike.
Okay, a hike.
Even though that seems
a bit more strenuous
than the fair.
Get out.
‐What?
‐Get out. Get out now.
Well, excuse us
for trying to bring
a little bit of joy
into your lives.
Come on, Mary Anne, let’s
forget this whole ugly incident
at the Square Dance Pavilion.
[sighing]
Larry, I’m a little hungry.
Would you fix me
something to eat?
Sure.
Maybe some...fresh fruit
a‐a tossed salad,
some cheese
a pot roast with those
little round potatoes
Oh, wait a minute,
what am I thinking?
I couldn’t finish
that much food.
Um, forget
the little potatoes.
[Jennifer exhaling]
Sweetheart, uh,
if you’re going to
practice your
Lamaze breathing remember
you have to start with
a cleansing breath.
[inhales and exhales]
Hmh?
Come on,
try it with me now.
Larry, honey...
I’m not practicing.
‐I’m having the baby.
‐What? What?
We have to go
to the hospital.
I’ll, um, I’ll write Balki
and Mary Anne a note.
Okay, good, good.
You write them the note.
Alright. Alright.
I’ll‐I’ll get the car.
Where are the keys?
Alright, no. Where’s the Maalox?
Huh? No, where’s my jacket?
Where is your suitcase?
[blabbering]
[breathing heavily]
Jen, we have to talk.
Now, in the last week
we have gone to the hospital
numerous times and you know how
it goes, it’s always the same.
You tell me you’re in labor,
I have a mini‐breakdown.
Somehow we get out the door,
I drive on the sidewalk
we get to the hospital
and we find out
it is false labor,
false labor, Jen.
And then we come home and then I
have to go back to the hospital
and have my
blood pressure lowered.
Now, I‐I only have
one trip left in me, Jen.
If we’re going to do this,
I have to know
that this is
the real thing.
This is
the real thing, Larry.
We have to go
to the hospital.
We have to go now.
Okay, okay,
alright, alright.
Alright‐alright, just‐just
so long as you know
what you’re
getting yourself into.
Okay, alright.
Here we go.
Alright, okay,
I’ll get the car.
Alright, where’s my keys?
Alright, no.
Where the Maalox?
Huh. Where’s my jacket?
No, where’s the suitcase?
Alright. Let’s go.
Come on. Let’s go.
Let’s go.
Alright, here we go.
[panting]
I’m breathing too fast.
We’re not gonna make it.
Just clear the sidewalks.
‐Whoop.
‐Oh.
♪ Who’s got the pain
when they do the mambo ♪
♪ Who’s got the pain
when they go hoo ♪
♪ Who’s got the pain
when they do the mambo ♪
♪ I don’t know who do you ♪
♪ Someone must be sick
with the heat ♪
♪ Or stepping
on everyone’s feet ♪
♪ But if everyone’s
feeling okay ♪
♪ Why don’t they just say ole ♪
Ow.
Oh, Balki,
I’m sorry your boysenberry
pig gut preserves
didn’t win first prize.
Well, that’s okay,
I guess they just hated my guts.
Where do I
come up with them?
Thank you for winning
Bobo for me.
I just love him.
He’s so cute.
And I love you, too,
Mary Anne.
And remember, only you can
prevent forest fires.
Okay.
Okay, Bobo,
take a break.
[both sighing]
Oh, Balki, look a note.
"We’ve gone to the hospital.
I’m having my baby."
Gee, I wonder
who it could be from.
Oh, for heaven’s sake,
Mary Anne.
See, it’s on my stationery.
‐Hmm...
‐Hmm...
‐It’s from Jennifer.
‐It’s from Jennifer.
‐Jennifer’s having her baby.
‐We have to call the hospital.
Uh, no, no, no, we have to go
to the florist.
No, no, no, we have to
call the florist.
We have to go to the florist
and call the hospital
from the florist.
‐Oh...
‐Oh...
‐Congratulations.
‐Oh, congratulations.
You had a baby.
Oh, my goodness.
We’re home.
And‐and‐and you’re home
in only one day. What stamina.
You must be part Myposian.
Oh, Jennifer,
I’m so happy for you.
I think I’m gonna cry.
Jennifer didn’t have
the baby.
Well, that‐that would explain
why she’s still so huge.
You didn’t have the baby?
It was another false alarm.
‐Oh.
‐Oh.
I hyperventilated,
drove on the sidewalk.
Jennifer yelled, screamed,
pulled the nurse’s hair...
You know, the usual.
[laughing]
Mary Anne, please,
there’s nothing funny
about what I’m going through.
[giggling]
I’m sorry, Jennifer.
I wasn’t laughing at you.
[giggling]
Oh, I know what it is.
You’re‐you’re thinking about
the way I looked
in the Fun House mirror.
No, but that’s funny, too.
[giggling]
Oh, I feel
all funny inside.
I think I’m having
my baby.
Really?
Yes. Oh.
You can’t be
having your baby.
I’m‐I’m due before you are.
It’s my turn.
Larry, make her stop.
Oh, uh, well, l‐listen, um, uh,
Mary Anne, this is‐this is
kind of a touchy subject
with Jennifer right now.
Is‐is there any way
that‐that you could just
hold off, on hold
on having that baby?
[giggling]
I don’t think so, Larry.
Oh, boy.
Okay, now listen everyone.
Listen, listen, listen.
Here’s the plan.
Now, uh, Jennifer,
would you please walk
Mary Anne to the car?
And, um, I’ll call the doctor
and tell him to meet us
at the hospital
and Cousin Larry
you get the pig snout
pacifier.
Alright, go.
Oh.
Mary Anne, you’re gonna
hear a lot of ugly things
about my behavior
at the hospital today.
Unfortunately, it’s all true.
Yes, hello.
Uh, this is Balki Bartokomous.
My wife, Mary Anne Bartokomous,
is on her way to the hospital.
She is in labor.
Would you...
Yes, I’ll hold.
Oh, yes, hello.
Ah, uh, yes.
And would you please
tell Dr. Ives
that we are on our way
to the hospital
and would he please
meet us there?
Okay, thank you.
Oh, I’m fine.
I’m fine.
Are you,
are you okay?
Alright, thank you very much.
Bye‐bye.
Boy, you are gone.
Well, I will be
in just a second.
Who do you think you are fooling
with this "I am in control" act?
I am in control.
No, you just think
you’re in control.
You’re in the midst
of a major breakdown.
‐What?
‐And you’re in denial.
‐No, I’m not.
‐See?
Oh, my God, you’re right.
What am I denying?
Alright, you are facing
one of the most
important moments
of your adult life
and you are starting
to realize
that millions
of things can go wrong.
What can go wrong?
Well, just getting
to the hospital.
What if you
run out of gas?
What if you get stuck
in a traffic jam?
What if the transmission
falls out?
What if I hit a cow
and then I have to bury it
and comfort the other cows?
That’s right,
that’s right.
Just go with those
feelings, buddy.
Just‐just let it happen.
Go ahead.
Oh, cousin, oh, cousin,
I‐I‐I didn’t mean to hit her.
She ran out
in front of my car.
She was, she was chasing
a salt lick.
One minute she was a happy,
productive little heifer
and the next, ground chuck.
That’s good.
That’s good.
Guys, the most amazing thing
just happened.
Mary Anne had the baby
in the car.
‐What?
‐Balki, you have a son.
Did you hear that, cousin?
I have a son.
Well, congratulations.
Well, come on, we’ve gotta
get ’em both to the hospital.
Yeah, but‐but what if
something goes wrong?
What if, uh, what if,
uh, I run out of gas
or‐or the transmission on my car
falls out or I hit another cow?
The other cows
know about me now.
Okay, Balki, Balki, Balki.
Just get a hold
of yourself.
Yeah, yeah. You’re right.
You’re right. Gotcha. I’m fine.
‐Okay, let’s go.
‐Okay.
Balki, I’ve been going
over this and over this.
There has to be
something different
that Mary Anne did that
made her go into labor so early.
I’ve got to find out
what it was and do it.
I’ve got to have
this baby now.
Well, Jennifer, no one wants you
to have this baby more than I do
but I don’t think anything
Mary Anne did had anything to do
with her going into labor.
Maybe you’re right, sweetheart.
Could you fix me a Pop Tart?
And cut it into little tiny
squares like I like it?
Well, of course, honey.
Anything for my little
mother‐to‐be.
’My little mother‐to‐be.’
Balki, tell me everything
Mary Anne did yesterday
up until she went
into labor.
Okay, but first I have a really
important question for you.
Is this the cutest nose you’ve
ever seen in your life or what?
It’s adorable.
Don’t worry
he’ll grow into it.
Balki, what did
Mary Anne do yesterday?
She had my child.
Little Robespierre
Boinki Bartokomous...
A‐K‐A...
(both)
The cutest baby in the world.
Oh‐ho‐ho.
I’ve taken a photograph of him
every hour for the last two days
and I’ve just realized
if I flip them real fast
you can see him grow.
‐Baby’s first steps.
‐Oh, okay, okay, okay.
Balki, I need to know
everything Mary Anne did
leading up to the birth of
little Robespierre Boinki.
Well, let’s see, uh,
she didn’t do much of anything
until we went to the fair.
Mary Anne spent $36
at the coin toss
and she won
a moustache comb which...
...which she gave
to the Bearded Lady
’cause she’s such
a giving soul.
And all that time,
unbeknownst to us
Little Robespierre Boinki
was planning
to make his little entrance
into the world.
[laughs]
Look at those cheeks.
Don’t you just wanna
pinch them?
I wanna have
my own little baby
with little cheeks
to pinch.
I wanna have
48 pictures
of my own baby.
Forty‐nine if you count
the double exposure.
Look, see where it’s like
a car coming through his head.
Balki, you could help me
have this baby.
Huh?
You could help
little Robespierre Boinki
have a little cousin
to play with.
All you have to do is
just tell me what Mary Anne did.
After the coin toss
we went for
a helium balloon ride
and then she wanted a corn dog
which I really don’t understand.
’Cause it’s not corn
and it’s not a dog, what is it?
Jennifer, are you
still trying to figure out
what Mary Anne did?
‐Because I don’t‐‐
‐Balloon ride.
It makes perfect sense.
She went up in a balloon,
the air pressure changed
she went into labor.
Well, that is ridiculous.
A‐a balloon ride couldn’t
possibly have made
Mary Anne go into labor.
Cousin, it makes perfect sense.
It happens to Myposian
astronauts all the time.
We have a birth
on every shuttle.
Of course, they only go up
as far as we can throw them
but still the principle
is exactly the same.
Come on, Jennifer,
let’s go get
little Robespierre Boinki
a little cousin.
Come on, we’ll put them
in a crib
make them do the Dance of Joy
with their little booties...
Hey. Hey. Now, hold it,
hold it, hold it.
What, are, are you two
out of your minds?
I‐I am not gonna let my wife
float hundreds of feet
in the air i‐i‐in a,
in a balloon.
Cousin, it’s not
hundreds of feet.
It’s just fifty feet
up and it goes
and‐and there’s rope
holding it to the ground.
You know, I bet, I bet we could
see the hospital from it.
Maybe‐maybe I could ask
Mary Anne to take a picture
of me from
little Robespierre Boinki’s
point of view.
Come on, Larry,
we have to get to the fair.
Now‐now, sweetheart,
listen‐listen.
I know you are
not gonna to like this
but I absolutely forbid you
to go up in a balloon.
Now, is‐is‐is that gonna be
a problem, sweetheart?
What do you think?
I think we’re going
for a balloon ride.
You see the eyelashes?
‐Yes, they’re adorable.
‐You see those...
Will you guys please hurry up?
We’re coming, sweetheart.
Look at my little boy’s little
buttocks. They’re so cute...
I don’t believe this.
The balloon is closed.
Uh‐oh, looks like
Howard took the day off.
(Jennifer)
’Who’s Howard?’
Well, he runs
the balloon ride.
He’s also a wine connoisseur,
philosopher
and his thumbs are
double‐jointed.
They bend all the way back.
Mine won’t reach.
‐Sure they will.
‐Oh.
Okay. Now let’s‐let’s
just forget Howard. Let’s go.
I’m not leaving here until
I’ve gone up in this balloon.
Now‐now‐now where do we find
this Howard person?
Sweetheart, we are in
no condition to be
running all over Chicago looking
for some clown named Howard.
Excuse me, cousin,
Howard is not the clown.
Arthur is the clown.
He’s right over there,
next to the fortune teller.
‐Arthur? Arthur?
‐’Thank you, thank you.’
‐Cousin Larry needs to laugh.
‐’Thank you, thank you.’
Look, look, cousin.
See?
Here’s what we’re gonna do.
We’re just gonna go home,
get a good night’s rest
and‐and just be here bright
and early tomorrow morning.
‐Exactly what I’d suggest.
‐Thank you.
If today didn’t happen to be
the last day of the fair.
Oh, God.
Oh, God, I’m never
gonna have this baby.
I’m never gonna have
48 pictures.
I’m never gonna have any
chubby little cheeks to pinch.
I’m just gonna have this huge
stomach for the rest of my life.
No, you won’t, Jennifer.
I’ll take you up
in the balloon myself.
‐Oh, thank you, Balki.
‐Yeah.
No. Hey, now.
Hey, let’s not get crazy.
It’s too late, Larry.
I am way past crazy.
I’m going up in this balloon
with or without you.
Alright, alright.
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
Balki, Balki? Are‐are
you sure you can do this?
Well, of course I am.
Don’t be ridiculous.
Just like the balloons
we have on Mypos.
Only ours don’t have
any air in them
and they don’t have
any baskets.
We call them
drop cloths.
‐Let’s get going.
‐Alright.
Alright, wait, wait.
Let us help you in.
Here. Come on, Balki.
Just, just, okay.
Here we go, here we go,
here we go, sweetheart.
Here we go.
Alright, alright, I’ve got her.
‐I just got these two back‐‐
‐Just get in.
Just get in and help her
in the basket.
Help her in the basket now.
Here, I got you, sweetheart.
I got you.
Alright, alright,
here we go. Here we go.
‐Okay, okay, Jennifer.
‐Alright, there you go.
Okay. Good, good, good.
Okay.
‐Good girl.
‐Balki, help me in.
Come on.
Quick, quick, quick, quick.
[panting]
Alright, wait there, sweetheart,
Wait there, we’ll help you.
We’ll help you. Hang on. Hang
on, we‐we’ll be right there.
[indistinct mumbling]
Alright, come on,
let’s just get in. Just get in.
Here we go.
Oh, Larry. Um, there...
There we go.
Okay. Okay.
[panting]
Okay, now let’s see,
um, yeah, yeah.
It’s all coming back
to me now.
I was here, and, uh
and Howard was over there
and‐and the McNulty’s
were back there
and‐and Mary Anne
was right behind me.
And, uh, yeah, this,
uh, this rope
uh, it lets you go up and
that one brings you back down.
Nope, I think it’s
this one.
See‐see the way
it’s tied down there?
This is clearly the one.
Larry, are you sure you guys
know what you’re doing?
Absolutely.
Well, it’s obvious
to anyone
with a brain.
‐This is the one.
‐This is the one.
Cousin, I’m kinda sure
it’s this one.
Kinda sure?
Kinda sure?
Kinda sure isn’t gonna
cut it.
Balki, I am positive
it is this one.
No, I was in the basket.
I know it.
‐Well, now you’ve done it.
‐Well, now you’ve done it.
‐You pulled the wrong rope.
‐You pulled the wrong rope.
‐Now we can’t get back down.
‐Now we can’t get back down.
(Larry)
’Don’t worry, sweetheart,
everything is under control.’
’Balki, get this thing
back down on the ground.’
(Balki)
’I can’t get back.’
’I don’t know how it works.’
(Jennifer)
’Oh, my God.
The wind is picking up.’
’We’re starting to drift.’
Balki, I’m sorry your
boysenberry pig gut preserves...
Stop it.
Balki, I’m sorry your
boysenberry pig gut preserves...
I’m really sorry
it didn’t win first prize.
Balki, I’m sorry your
boysenberry pig gut
preserves didn’t...
Balki, I’m sorry your
boysenberry pig gut preserves...
Balki, I’m sorry
your boysenberry pig gut
preserves didn’t win
first prize...
We’ll be right back
with a word from our sponsors.
Balki, I’m sorry your
boysenberry pig gut...
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you
just get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds are
this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stand
in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ And a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder ♪
♪ The wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪
♪ Oo‐oh ♪
♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stop me now ♪
[music continues]
Hi, Jen, I’m home.
I‐I’m sorry I’m late.
The traffic was terrible.
Larry...
Oh.
Oh, sweetheart.
Sweetheart,
I’m‐I’m so sorry.
Oh, I‐I didn’t see you there.
Although, I don’t know
how I could have missed you.
[laughs]
No, I mean, not that you’re
not that you’re too big to miss.
No, just, no,
I didn’t mean I‐I‐I...
And I’ll‐I’ll
stop talking now.
Is there, is there anything
I can do for you, precious?
Yes, have this baby.
Alright, I know you’re a little
overdue and I understand.
I do.
Really.
But you are gonna
have this baby any day now.
No, Larry,
I’ve been pregnant so long
that this baby is gonna go
straight from delivery room
to college.
Well, at least we’ll miss
the toilet training.
♪ Boochi boochi boochi ♪
[gasps]
♪ Boochi boochi boochi ♪
♪ Boochi boochi boochi ♪
Alright, it hasn’t
escaped our notice
that some people
in this house
we’re not gonna
mention names...
No.
...have been
a little less than jolly.
But we have just the way
to turn them frowns upside down.
We’re going to a place
that’s big and colorful
where barnyard animals
roam freely.
No, it’s not my bedroom.
[laughs]
Where do I come up
with them?
We’re going to the fair.
‐Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
‐Wheee.
Oo‐ah.
And Balki’s gonna enter his
boysenberry pig gut preserves
in the jams
and jellies contest.
Come on, you guys,
you want to be
the first in line
at the petting zoo
because later in the afternoon
the animals get so cranky.
So, come on,
come on, come on‐‐
Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.
Hold it. Hold it.
Are you crazy?
We are not going to the fair.
Jennifer is in
no condition to be
waddling around
the fairgrounds.
She can barely
waddle around here.
Now, I mean,
just look at her.
I think they get
the picture, Larry.
The fair is out of
the question.
Okay, forget the fair.
We’ll go miniature golfing.
We’ll just sort of golf
around her. Just...
Balki.
Balki, take a hike.
Okay, a hike.
Even though that seems
a bit more strenuous
than the fair.
Get out.
‐What?
‐Get out. Get out now.
Well, excuse us
for trying to bring
a little bit of joy
into your lives.
Come on, Mary Anne, let’s
forget this whole ugly incident
at the Square Dance Pavilion.
[sighing]
Larry, I’m a little hungry.
Would you fix me
something to eat?
Sure.
Maybe some...fresh fruit
a‐a tossed salad,
some cheese
a pot roast with those
little round potatoes
Oh, wait a minute,
what am I thinking?
I couldn’t finish
that much food.
Um, forget
the little potatoes.
[Jennifer exhaling]
Sweetheart, uh,
if you’re going to
practice your
Lamaze breathing remember
you have to start with
a cleansing breath.
[inhales and exhales]
Hmh?
Come on,
try it with me now.
Larry, honey...
I’m not practicing.
‐I’m having the baby.
‐What? What?
We have to go
to the hospital.
I’ll, um, I’ll write Balki
and Mary Anne a note.
Okay, good, good.
You write them the note.
Alright. Alright.
I’ll‐I’ll get the car.
Where are the keys?
Alright, no. Where’s the Maalox?
Huh? No, where’s my jacket?
Where is your suitcase?
[blabbering]
[breathing heavily]
Jen, we have to talk.
Now, in the last week
we have gone to the hospital
numerous times and you know how
it goes, it’s always the same.
You tell me you’re in labor,
I have a mini‐breakdown.
Somehow we get out the door,
I drive on the sidewalk
we get to the hospital
and we find out
it is false labor,
false labor, Jen.
And then we come home and then I
have to go back to the hospital
and have my
blood pressure lowered.
Now, I‐I only have
one trip left in me, Jen.
If we’re going to do this,
I have to know
that this is
the real thing.
This is
the real thing, Larry.
We have to go
to the hospital.
We have to go now.
Okay, okay,
alright, alright.
Alright‐alright, just‐just
so long as you know
what you’re
getting yourself into.
Okay, alright.
Here we go.
Alright, okay,
I’ll get the car.
Alright, where’s my keys?
Alright, no.
Where the Maalox?
Huh. Where’s my jacket?
No, where’s the suitcase?
Alright. Let’s go.
Come on. Let’s go.
Let’s go.
Alright, here we go.
[panting]
I’m breathing too fast.
We’re not gonna make it.
Just clear the sidewalks.
‐Whoop.
‐Oh.
♪ Who’s got the pain
when they do the mambo ♪
♪ Who’s got the pain
when they go hoo ♪
♪ Who’s got the pain
when they do the mambo ♪
♪ I don’t know who do you ♪
♪ Someone must be sick
with the heat ♪
♪ Or stepping
on everyone’s feet ♪
♪ But if everyone’s
feeling okay ♪
♪ Why don’t they just say ole ♪
Ow.
Oh, Balki,
I’m sorry your boysenberry
pig gut preserves
didn’t win first prize.
Well, that’s okay,
I guess they just hated my guts.
Where do I
come up with them?
Thank you for winning
Bobo for me.
I just love him.
He’s so cute.
And I love you, too,
Mary Anne.
And remember, only you can
prevent forest fires.
Okay.
Okay, Bobo,
take a break.
[both sighing]
Oh, Balki, look a note.
"We’ve gone to the hospital.
I’m having my baby."
Gee, I wonder
who it could be from.
Oh, for heaven’s sake,
Mary Anne.
See, it’s on my stationery.
‐Hmm...
‐Hmm...
‐It’s from Jennifer.
‐It’s from Jennifer.
‐Jennifer’s having her baby.
‐We have to call the hospital.
Uh, no, no, no, we have to go
to the florist.
No, no, no, we have to
call the florist.
We have to go to the florist
and call the hospital
from the florist.
‐Oh...
‐Oh...
‐Congratulations.
‐Oh, congratulations.
You had a baby.
Oh, my goodness.
We’re home.
And‐and‐and you’re home
in only one day. What stamina.
You must be part Myposian.
Oh, Jennifer,
I’m so happy for you.
I think I’m gonna cry.
Jennifer didn’t have
the baby.
Well, that‐that would explain
why she’s still so huge.
You didn’t have the baby?
It was another false alarm.
‐Oh.
‐Oh.
I hyperventilated,
drove on the sidewalk.
Jennifer yelled, screamed,
pulled the nurse’s hair...
You know, the usual.
[laughing]
Mary Anne, please,
there’s nothing funny
about what I’m going through.
[giggling]
I’m sorry, Jennifer.
I wasn’t laughing at you.
[giggling]
Oh, I know what it is.
You’re‐you’re thinking about
the way I looked
in the Fun House mirror.
No, but that’s funny, too.
[giggling]
Oh, I feel
all funny inside.
I think I’m having
my baby.
Really?
Yes. Oh.
You can’t be
having your baby.
I’m‐I’m due before you are.
It’s my turn.
Larry, make her stop.
Oh, uh, well, l‐listen, um, uh,
Mary Anne, this is‐this is
kind of a touchy subject
with Jennifer right now.
Is‐is there any way
that‐that you could just
hold off, on hold
on having that baby?
[giggling]
I don’t think so, Larry.
Oh, boy.
Okay, now listen everyone.
Listen, listen, listen.
Here’s the plan.
Now, uh, Jennifer,
would you please walk
Mary Anne to the car?
And, um, I’ll call the doctor
and tell him to meet us
at the hospital
and Cousin Larry
you get the pig snout
pacifier.
Alright, go.
Oh.
Mary Anne, you’re gonna
hear a lot of ugly things
about my behavior
at the hospital today.
Unfortunately, it’s all true.
Yes, hello.
Uh, this is Balki Bartokomous.
My wife, Mary Anne Bartokomous,
is on her way to the hospital.
She is in labor.
Would you...
Yes, I’ll hold.
Oh, yes, hello.
Ah, uh, yes.
And would you please
tell Dr. Ives
that we are on our way
to the hospital
and would he please
meet us there?
Okay, thank you.
Oh, I’m fine.
I’m fine.
Are you,
are you okay?
Alright, thank you very much.
Bye‐bye.
Boy, you are gone.
Well, I will be
in just a second.
Who do you think you are fooling
with this "I am in control" act?
I am in control.
No, you just think
you’re in control.
You’re in the midst
of a major breakdown.
‐What?
‐And you’re in denial.
‐No, I’m not.
‐See?
Oh, my God, you’re right.
What am I denying?
Alright, you are facing
one of the most
important moments
of your adult life
and you are starting
to realize
that millions
of things can go wrong.
What can go wrong?
Well, just getting
to the hospital.
What if you
run out of gas?
What if you get stuck
in a traffic jam?
What if the transmission
falls out?
What if I hit a cow
and then I have to bury it
and comfort the other cows?
That’s right,
that’s right.
Just go with those
feelings, buddy.
Just‐just let it happen.
Go ahead.
Oh, cousin, oh, cousin,
I‐I‐I didn’t mean to hit her.
She ran out
in front of my car.
She was, she was chasing
a salt lick.
One minute she was a happy,
productive little heifer
and the next, ground chuck.
That’s good.
That’s good.
Guys, the most amazing thing
just happened.
Mary Anne had the baby
in the car.
‐What?
‐Balki, you have a son.
Did you hear that, cousin?
I have a son.
Well, congratulations.
Well, come on, we’ve gotta
get ’em both to the hospital.
Yeah, but‐but what if
something goes wrong?
What if, uh, what if,
uh, I run out of gas
or‐or the transmission on my car
falls out or I hit another cow?
The other cows
know about me now.
Okay, Balki, Balki, Balki.
Just get a hold
of yourself.
Yeah, yeah. You’re right.
You’re right. Gotcha. I’m fine.
‐Okay, let’s go.
‐Okay.
Balki, I’ve been going
over this and over this.
There has to be
something different
that Mary Anne did that
made her go into labor so early.
I’ve got to find out
what it was and do it.
I’ve got to have
this baby now.
Well, Jennifer, no one wants you
to have this baby more than I do
but I don’t think anything
Mary Anne did had anything to do
with her going into labor.
Maybe you’re right, sweetheart.
Could you fix me a Pop Tart?
And cut it into little tiny
squares like I like it?
Well, of course, honey.
Anything for my little
mother‐to‐be.
’My little mother‐to‐be.’
Balki, tell me everything
Mary Anne did yesterday
up until she went
into labor.
Okay, but first I have a really
important question for you.
Is this the cutest nose you’ve
ever seen in your life or what?
It’s adorable.
Don’t worry
he’ll grow into it.
Balki, what did
Mary Anne do yesterday?
She had my child.
Little Robespierre
Boinki Bartokomous...
A‐K‐A...
(both)
The cutest baby in the world.
Oh‐ho‐ho.
I’ve taken a photograph of him
every hour for the last two days
and I’ve just realized
if I flip them real fast
you can see him grow.
‐Baby’s first steps.
‐Oh, okay, okay, okay.
Balki, I need to know
everything Mary Anne did
leading up to the birth of
little Robespierre Boinki.
Well, let’s see, uh,
she didn’t do much of anything
until we went to the fair.
Mary Anne spent $36
at the coin toss
and she won
a moustache comb which...
...which she gave
to the Bearded Lady
’cause she’s such
a giving soul.
And all that time,
unbeknownst to us
Little Robespierre Boinki
was planning
to make his little entrance
into the world.
[laughs]
Look at those cheeks.
Don’t you just wanna
pinch them?
I wanna have
my own little baby
with little cheeks
to pinch.
I wanna have
48 pictures
of my own baby.
Forty‐nine if you count
the double exposure.
Look, see where it’s like
a car coming through his head.
Balki, you could help me
have this baby.
Huh?
You could help
little Robespierre Boinki
have a little cousin
to play with.
All you have to do is
just tell me what Mary Anne did.
After the coin toss
we went for
a helium balloon ride
and then she wanted a corn dog
which I really don’t understand.
’Cause it’s not corn
and it’s not a dog, what is it?
Jennifer, are you
still trying to figure out
what Mary Anne did?
‐Because I don’t‐‐
‐Balloon ride.
It makes perfect sense.
She went up in a balloon,
the air pressure changed
she went into labor.
Well, that is ridiculous.
A‐a balloon ride couldn’t
possibly have made
Mary Anne go into labor.
Cousin, it makes perfect sense.
It happens to Myposian
astronauts all the time.
We have a birth
on every shuttle.
Of course, they only go up
as far as we can throw them
but still the principle
is exactly the same.
Come on, Jennifer,
let’s go get
little Robespierre Boinki
a little cousin.
Come on, we’ll put them
in a crib
make them do the Dance of Joy
with their little booties...
Hey. Hey. Now, hold it,
hold it, hold it.
What, are, are you two
out of your minds?
I‐I am not gonna let my wife
float hundreds of feet
in the air i‐i‐in a,
in a balloon.
Cousin, it’s not
hundreds of feet.
It’s just fifty feet
up and it goes
and‐and there’s rope
holding it to the ground.
You know, I bet, I bet we could
see the hospital from it.
Maybe‐maybe I could ask
Mary Anne to take a picture
of me from
little Robespierre Boinki’s
point of view.
Come on, Larry,
we have to get to the fair.
Now‐now, sweetheart,
listen‐listen.
I know you are
not gonna to like this
but I absolutely forbid you
to go up in a balloon.
Now, is‐is‐is that gonna be
a problem, sweetheart?
What do you think?
I think we’re going
for a balloon ride.
You see the eyelashes?
‐Yes, they’re adorable.
‐You see those...
Will you guys please hurry up?
We’re coming, sweetheart.
Look at my little boy’s little
buttocks. They’re so cute...
I don’t believe this.
The balloon is closed.
Uh‐oh, looks like
Howard took the day off.
(Jennifer)
’Who’s Howard?’
Well, he runs
the balloon ride.
He’s also a wine connoisseur,
philosopher
and his thumbs are
double‐jointed.
They bend all the way back.
Mine won’t reach.
‐Sure they will.
‐Oh.
Okay. Now let’s‐let’s
just forget Howard. Let’s go.
I’m not leaving here until
I’ve gone up in this balloon.
Now‐now‐now where do we find
this Howard person?
Sweetheart, we are in
no condition to be
running all over Chicago looking
for some clown named Howard.
Excuse me, cousin,
Howard is not the clown.
Arthur is the clown.
He’s right over there,
next to the fortune teller.
‐Arthur? Arthur?
‐’Thank you, thank you.’
‐Cousin Larry needs to laugh.
‐’Thank you, thank you.’
Look, look, cousin.
See?
Here’s what we’re gonna do.
We’re just gonna go home,
get a good night’s rest
and‐and just be here bright
and early tomorrow morning.
‐Exactly what I’d suggest.
‐Thank you.
If today didn’t happen to be
the last day of the fair.
Oh, God.
Oh, God, I’m never
gonna have this baby.
I’m never gonna have
48 pictures.
I’m never gonna have any
chubby little cheeks to pinch.
I’m just gonna have this huge
stomach for the rest of my life.
No, you won’t, Jennifer.
I’ll take you up
in the balloon myself.
‐Oh, thank you, Balki.
‐Yeah.
No. Hey, now.
Hey, let’s not get crazy.
It’s too late, Larry.
I am way past crazy.
I’m going up in this balloon
with or without you.
Alright, alright.
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
Balki, Balki? Are‐are
you sure you can do this?
Well, of course I am.
Don’t be ridiculous.
Just like the balloons
we have on Mypos.
Only ours don’t have
any air in them
and they don’t have
any baskets.
We call them
drop cloths.
‐Let’s get going.
‐Alright.
Alright, wait, wait.
Let us help you in.
Here. Come on, Balki.
Just, just, okay.
Here we go, here we go,
here we go, sweetheart.
Here we go.
Alright, alright, I’ve got her.
‐I just got these two back‐‐
‐Just get in.
Just get in and help her
in the basket.
Help her in the basket now.
Here, I got you, sweetheart.
I got you.
Alright, alright,
here we go. Here we go.
‐Okay, okay, Jennifer.
‐Alright, there you go.
Okay. Good, good, good.
Okay.
‐Good girl.
‐Balki, help me in.
Come on.
Quick, quick, quick, quick.
[panting]
Alright, wait there, sweetheart,
Wait there, we’ll help you.
We’ll help you. Hang on. Hang
on, we‐we’ll be right there.
[indistinct mumbling]
Alright, come on,
let’s just get in. Just get in.
Here we go.
Oh, Larry. Um, there...
There we go.
Okay. Okay.
[panting]
Okay, now let’s see,
um, yeah, yeah.
It’s all coming back
to me now.
I was here, and, uh
and Howard was over there
and‐and the McNulty’s
were back there
and‐and Mary Anne
was right behind me.
And, uh, yeah, this,
uh, this rope
uh, it lets you go up and
that one brings you back down.
Nope, I think it’s
this one.
See‐see the way
it’s tied down there?
This is clearly the one.
Larry, are you sure you guys
know what you’re doing?
Absolutely.
Well, it’s obvious
to anyone
with a brain.
‐This is the one.
‐This is the one.
Cousin, I’m kinda sure
it’s this one.
Kinda sure?
Kinda sure?
Kinda sure isn’t gonna
cut it.
Balki, I am positive
it is this one.
No, I was in the basket.
I know it.
‐Well, now you’ve done it.
‐Well, now you’ve done it.
‐You pulled the wrong rope.
‐You pulled the wrong rope.
‐Now we can’t get back down.
‐Now we can’t get back down.
(Larry)
’Don’t worry, sweetheart,
everything is under control.’
’Balki, get this thing
back down on the ground.’
(Balki)
’I can’t get back.’
’I don’t know how it works.’
(Jennifer)
’Oh, my God.
The wind is picking up.’
’We’re starting to drift.’
Balki, I’m sorry your
boysenberry pig gut preserves...
Stop it.
Balki, I’m sorry your
boysenberry pig gut preserves...
I’m really sorry
it didn’t win first prize.
Balki, I’m sorry your
boysenberry pig gut
preserves didn’t...
Balki, I’m sorry your
boysenberry pig gut preserves...
Balki, I’m sorry
your boysenberry pig gut
preserves didn’t win
first prize...
We’ll be right back
with a word from our sponsors.
Balki, I’m sorry your
boysenberry pig gut...