Perfect Strangers (1986–1993): Season 7, Episode 24 - Get Me to the Dump on Time - full transcript
["Nothing’s Gonna Stop Me Now"
by David Pomeranz]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what
the odds are this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna
stand in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart
like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dreams ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dreams ♪
♪ The rain and thunder ♪
♪ The wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪
♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stop me now ♪
[music continues]
[instrumental music]
(Balki)
’Listen, Mary Anne and I have’
’decided to join together
in holy macaroni!’
‐Congratulations!
‐Yeah.
It’s, it’s official. Mary Anne
and I are getting marri‐yed.
[laughing]
Oh, Mary Anne!
I’m so happy for you!
I’m so happy for me, too!
Well, let’s take a load off.
Yeah...I gotta tell ya.
It‐it was a humongous mistake
breaking up.
Mary Anne is‐is‐is
everything that‐that
I’ve been looking for
my whole life.
Well, that is great! Now, we’re
gonna have a lot to do, Jen.
I’m thinking...July wedding?
How’s that hit everybody?
It’ll be a lot of pressure,
but I think we can do it, Larry.
We’re getting marri‐yed
tomorrow.
‐Tomorrow?
‐Tomorrow?
You can’t get married tomorrow!
Cousin, you don’t understand.
Tell them, pumpkin.
There’s a sacred Myposian
tradition that says
"Once a couple announces
their engagement
they must get married
within 24 hours."
And what happens to you if you
wait any longer than that?
All of your children
are born with hooves.
That’s right.
Nothing is simple
with you Mypiots, is it?
If you’re getting married
tomorrow, we have a lot to do!
Well, yeah, if we’re gonna have
a Myposian wedding...
uh‐uh, don’t we, don’t we need,
uh, jugglers? Livestock?
A‐a wedding hat of some kind?
Well, cousin,
we’ll have all that
when we go to Mypos
for our...honeymoon.
But, uh, for this ceremony, all
I need is a shine on my shoes
and my
Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.
A Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille?
Yeah, the Myposian
marri‐yage necklace.
‐Myposian marriage necklace?
‐Tell them, pumpkin.
It’s been a part of the Myposian
marriage ceremony for centuries.
And what happens to your
marri‐yage if you don’t have it?
‐Your marriage is doomed.
‐That’s right.
W‐well, that’s very nice,
but there is no way
we’re gonna get
a Myposian marriage necklace
all the way from Mypos
by tomorrow.
Cousin, you don’t understand!
Tell them, pumpkin.
When a Myposian boy comes of age
he’s given the necklace.
The Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.
What he said.
Whenever the moment is right
he wants to be prepared,
so he carries
the necklace with him
wherever he goes.
Except, of course when he’s...
‐In the shower.
‐In the shower.
[laughing]
You know, if‐if we are going
to have a wedding tomorrow
we are all gonna have to help.
Alright, now,
I’m gonna need pencil, paper
and a phone book. Okay.
Well, I need a dress
and some flowers.
Dress and some flowers, okay.
Let’s see, let’s see.
Oh, I know
a great dress shop downtown
and my friend Barbara
is a florist.
I can take care of all that.
Okay, what else?
Well, uh,
we need someone to marry us.
Somebody to marry you! Okay.
Let’s see, let’s see.
Oh, my father knows a minister.
I’m sure
he could marry you tomorrow!
‐Ooh!
‐Yeah.
Okay, Jen,
you take care of that, too.
And we need a church,
a reception hall and a band.
Okay, let’s see!
Let’s see.
We can use Chapel by the Shore,
the Beekman Hotel.
And Barbara’s husband
is a rock promoter.
He can get a great band!
‐Oh.
‐We have a lot to do.
Come on, Mary Anne,
let’s go upstairs
and start making some calls.
Okay.
[giggles]
[gasps]
Ooh!
[sighs]
Well, I‐I guess I’d better get
off and get my shoes shined.
Uh, which shoes
do you think I should wear?
‐Oh, well‐‐
‐Well, uh, you’re right!
I’ll just shine them all!
Oh, cousin, cousin, you want to
come? You want to come with me?
No, you‐you just, uh...
You go along.
I’m sure
you’re‐you’re much too busy
to drag along somebody
who’s got, uh...nothing to do.
‐Okay.
‐Well, you know, hey!
Hey! It’s‐it’s not
the first time, you know.
I‐I remember that, uh,
Christmas when I was, uh...
seven, and, uh, uh, nobody in my
family remembered to wake me up.
[chuckles]
Yeah, you know, but don’t worry.
Don’t worry.
[chuckling]
I’ll just be on the sidelines
on the most important day
of your life.
Yeah, it’s okay.
You know, I’m not the kind of
guy who’s easily hurt.
I’m tough.
Glad to hear it.
See ya later!
♪ You’d better watch out
You’d better not cry ♪
♪ You’d better not pout
I’m tell... ♪
[sobs]
You’re really dying for
something to do, aren’t you?
Please, give me something to do.
Please, please.
Don’t open the presents
without me.
Cousin, I had something
for you to do all along.
I‐I just should have
asked you earlier.
Cousin, will you be
my piggliwiggliki?
What is a piggliwiggliki?
Well, it’s similar to what
Americans call a best man.
Ah, Balki, I would be honored
to be your piggliwiggliki!
Okay, now, gotta line up
tuxedos, gotta write a speech‐‐
‐Cousin‐‐
‐Gotta, uh, the rings.
‐Cousin...
‐The wedding presents‐‐
Cousin...
Anything else I should be doing?
Uh, n‐n‐no, cousin.
All the piggliwiggliki does is
is walk the groom up the aisle.
Well, what else does
the piggliwiggliki do?
Diddly squatiki.
♪ You better watch out
You better not... ♪
Wait a minute!
Wait, wait, wait!
No, that‐that’s all he does
at the ceremony.
But before the ceremony, he has
a very important role to play.
Which is?
Guardian of the Myposian
marri‐yage necklace.
The Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.
Yeah, why don’t we go,
why don’t we go with that?
Guardian of the marriage
necklace? I can do that!
Alright, goody, goody,
we’ll go with that.
Opening that was a lot messier
before I glued them down.
Cousin...this is
the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.
It is placed around both
the bride and the groom
at the ceremony
before they exchange their vows.
It symbolizes their,
their unity...their oneness.
The merging of their souls.
So‐so‐so the marriage necklace
is‐is‐is important?
Very, very important.
And that is why
from the moment
his marri‐yage is announced
no Mypiot boy ever lets it
out of his sight!
What?
Except to give to the guardian
of the marri‐yage necklace.
So, uh, so I’ll be
giving this to you now.
I’ll‐I’ll just, I’ll just...
Is‐isn’t there some ritual
we should be performing?
‐No.
‐No?
No, I mean, yes!
Yes, of course!
There’s‐there’s
the‐the ritual of
the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.
And, uh...
♪ Mish mikki
muck muck much ♪
♪ Mi mishni hah hah hah
mi mukni muff muff muff ♪
♪ And a minki minki minki ♪
♪ Da hoonti lass dibu da binki
lass dubu to minka ♪
♪ Hoy hoy vermink
nicht muff Ha! ♪
[instrumental music]
Come on, Balki! I’ve gotta get
you to the church on time!
Cousin, have you got the rings?
Have I got the rings?
Of course, I’ve got the rings.
‐Here they are.
‐Okay.
And what about
the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille?
Of course, I have
the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.
How could you doubt
that I would fulfill
my responsibility
as the piggliwiggliki?
When Larry Appleton is given
a job to do, that job gets done.
I thought that went without
saying, but I guess I was wrong.
I’m sorry, cousin,
you are, you are the best
piggliwiggliki
in the whole world.
I knew how much the marriage
necklace meant to you
so I found the perfect
place to keep it.
‐Give me the box!
‐No. No!
I am the piggliwiggliki,
and it is my responsibility.
I will hold on to the box.
Wild horses couldn’t
take this box from me!
You’ve lost it, haven’t you?
[crying]
Yes, I swear, it was here.
I swear, it was here.
Can I still be
the piggliwiggliki? Ow.
[instrumental music]
(Balki)
’Well, this is just great.’
’You’ve lost the
Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille!’
I said it was gone!
I didn’t say it was lost!
‐It’s in the house somewhere.
‐Where is it? Where is it?
I just don’t know where that
somewhere is at the moment.
Look‐look‐look, come, come on,
come on. We’ll find it.
We’ll find it,
but we have to calm down.
Huh? Can you do that for me?
Huh? Can you promise?
Just promise me
you’ll calm down.
If you can promise me
that we will find
the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.
I promise.
Then I‐I promise
I’ll try to calm down.
[exhales sharply]
Ow! God.
Oh!
Ah!
You big babasticki!
You little creep!
‐I’m gonna kill you!
‐Find the necklace!
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Come on now! Come on!
[wailing]
You know what’s
great about this?
You’re gonna have a story
to tell your kids
about how you and I
frantically searched
for the
Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille
on your wedding day.
[chuckles]
[gagging]
That
Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille
has been in the Bartokomous
family for centuries!
You are in charge of it
for one day, and what happens?
It’s gone.
Now what do you propose we do?
We’ll find the
Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille!
I’ve got it!
Here! Alright, alright.
Alright! Now I remember!
I had the necklace
when I was here.
And then I went
into the kitchen
I grabbed an orange.
I came back in here,
I peeled the orange
and I was on my way
back into the kitchen
to throw away the orange peels
when I saw that pot!
So I threw the orange peels away
and I put the necklace in here.
But don’t worry!
Because we can get the necklace
out of the trash!
Would that be the same trash
they picked up today?
Yes, that would be the same
trash, but‐don’t‐no‐no...
Because there’s a silver lining,
because the dump
is on the way to the church!
Isn’t that great?
[instrumental music]
We’re never gonna find it.
I’m sorry I ruined everything.
Cousin, don’t‐don’t feel bad.
It’s not your fault.
It’s my fault,
I never should have made you
the guardian of
the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.
Well, you had to,
it’s the piggliwiggliki’s job.
No, it isn’t.
What do you mean,
"No, it isn’t?"
You, you said it was
the piggliwiggliki’s job
to‐to be the guardian of
the Myposian marriage necklace.
We even did
a‐a‐a little ritual, r‐remember?
♪ Yo hoingi boingi in
yo hoingi boingi out... ♪
Cousin, cousin,
cousin, cousin..
That was no,
that was no ritual.
That was just
the "Hokey Pokey" with some
pseudo‐Myposian gibberish.
I...I‐I‐I felt so bad for you.
You wanted so badly
to have something to do.
So I invented the fact
that the piggliwiggliki
gets to be the guardian
of the necklace.
He don’t do that.
The‐the translation of
piggliwiggliki is just
"He who walks
the groom up the aisle
and then does
absolutely nothing."
[instrumental music]
Well, I‐I just wanted to play
a big part in your wedding.
Cousin, you are playing
a big part in my wedding.
Just by standing next to me.
You’re my best friend.
Yeah?
I mean, I mean, who else
would be sitting next to me
in gar‐baaj
dressed in a tuxedo?
Of course, it’s your fault
we’re sitting in gar‐baaj.
[sighs]
Cousin, cousin,
do you still get catalogs
from the "Step Up Here,
Little Man" clothing store?
Yeah, but I’m their
tallest customer.
This is your catalog,
and that must mean
that this is our gar‐baaj!
Cousin, look! Look!
Look, cousin!
Here is last night’s dinner.
Goat spleen surprise!
It’s covered with
egg shells.
Why didn’t I think of that?
Well, never mind that.
Balki! Here’s the sweater I gave
Jennifer for her birthday!
She said she lost it
on a flight to Costa Rica.
Balki! I think I see it!
Cousin! Cousin!
You‐you found the
Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille!
And now as soon as
we hose this off
I can get marri‐yed and
live happily ever after!
Oh, cousin! Now we are so happy
we do the "Dance of Joy!"
♪ Da‐e‐da‐e da‐e‐da‐e
da‐da da‐da dada‐da‐e ♪
♪ Hey oh ♪
♪ Hey hey ♪
[instrumental music]
Uh, there’s going to be
a slight delay.
We have that pesky little
problem of no groom.
[dogs barking]
[organ music]
Let’s go.
[music continues]
Cousin, don’t Mary Anne
look beautiful?
She sure does, Balki.
Balki Bartokomous,
you went to the dump without me!
What happened to you?
Good news, Jen,
I found the sweater
you thought
you lost in Costa Rica!
Friends, relatives,
we are gathered here today
to join these two
in holy matrimony.
The bride and groom
would like to exchange vows
they’ve written themselves.
Cousin, may I have
the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille?
This is the
Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.
The Myposian
marri‐yage necklace.
It, it represents...our unity.
We are now joined together like
sand in an hourglass.
Mary Anne, these are
the days of our lives.
The ring, please.
This is a pop top.
Here’s the ring.
[instrumental music]
Balki, from
the moment I met you
I knew you were
the man I wanted to
spend the rest of my life with.
This ring is a symbol of
my promise to always love you.
I hope you’ll wear it forever,
but I’ll understand
if you take it off if you go
someplace with high humidity
and your fingers swell up
like mine do.
Anyway, here.
Wow, she made that up
all by herself.
Mary Anne, the day
that I come to America
was the happiest day
of my life.
But now that I know that I’ll be
spending the rest of my life
with you, this is the new
happiest day of my life.
For, for my vows
I would like to quote
the lyrics from the song
that was playing
the night that
Mary Anne and I fell in love.
"There she was...
"...just a‐walkin’
down the street...
"...singin’ doo wah diddy
diddy dum diddy do.
"She looked good...
"...she looked fine...
and, and I nearly
lost my mind."
[music continues]
That was beautiful, Balki.
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
W‐wow!
[organ music]
[dogs barking]
[instrumental music]
Well, right about now
Balki and Mary Anne’s plane
should be landing in Athens.
Two hours on a small plane,
six more hours on a fishing boat
a 11‐mile hike,
and they’ll be at Balki’s house.
It’s hard to believe
they’re finally married.
"It’s hard to believe
they’re finally married?"
It’s hard to believe that‐that
we have the house to ourselves.
At least for three weeks.
You know what else
is hard to believe?
What’s that?
That in seven and a half months
you’re going to be a daddy.
That’s nice.
‐A, a daddy?
‐Yes, a daddy.
Oh! Really? Oh! Oh!
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
by David Pomeranz]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what
the odds are this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna
stand in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart
like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dreams ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dreams ♪
♪ The rain and thunder ♪
♪ The wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪
♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stop me now ♪
[music continues]
[instrumental music]
(Balki)
’Listen, Mary Anne and I have’
’decided to join together
in holy macaroni!’
‐Congratulations!
‐Yeah.
It’s, it’s official. Mary Anne
and I are getting marri‐yed.
[laughing]
Oh, Mary Anne!
I’m so happy for you!
I’m so happy for me, too!
Well, let’s take a load off.
Yeah...I gotta tell ya.
It‐it was a humongous mistake
breaking up.
Mary Anne is‐is‐is
everything that‐that
I’ve been looking for
my whole life.
Well, that is great! Now, we’re
gonna have a lot to do, Jen.
I’m thinking...July wedding?
How’s that hit everybody?
It’ll be a lot of pressure,
but I think we can do it, Larry.
We’re getting marri‐yed
tomorrow.
‐Tomorrow?
‐Tomorrow?
You can’t get married tomorrow!
Cousin, you don’t understand.
Tell them, pumpkin.
There’s a sacred Myposian
tradition that says
"Once a couple announces
their engagement
they must get married
within 24 hours."
And what happens to you if you
wait any longer than that?
All of your children
are born with hooves.
That’s right.
Nothing is simple
with you Mypiots, is it?
If you’re getting married
tomorrow, we have a lot to do!
Well, yeah, if we’re gonna have
a Myposian wedding...
uh‐uh, don’t we, don’t we need,
uh, jugglers? Livestock?
A‐a wedding hat of some kind?
Well, cousin,
we’ll have all that
when we go to Mypos
for our...honeymoon.
But, uh, for this ceremony, all
I need is a shine on my shoes
and my
Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.
A Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille?
Yeah, the Myposian
marri‐yage necklace.
‐Myposian marriage necklace?
‐Tell them, pumpkin.
It’s been a part of the Myposian
marriage ceremony for centuries.
And what happens to your
marri‐yage if you don’t have it?
‐Your marriage is doomed.
‐That’s right.
W‐well, that’s very nice,
but there is no way
we’re gonna get
a Myposian marriage necklace
all the way from Mypos
by tomorrow.
Cousin, you don’t understand!
Tell them, pumpkin.
When a Myposian boy comes of age
he’s given the necklace.
The Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.
What he said.
Whenever the moment is right
he wants to be prepared,
so he carries
the necklace with him
wherever he goes.
Except, of course when he’s...
‐In the shower.
‐In the shower.
[laughing]
You know, if‐if we are going
to have a wedding tomorrow
we are all gonna have to help.
Alright, now,
I’m gonna need pencil, paper
and a phone book. Okay.
Well, I need a dress
and some flowers.
Dress and some flowers, okay.
Let’s see, let’s see.
Oh, I know
a great dress shop downtown
and my friend Barbara
is a florist.
I can take care of all that.
Okay, what else?
Well, uh,
we need someone to marry us.
Somebody to marry you! Okay.
Let’s see, let’s see.
Oh, my father knows a minister.
I’m sure
he could marry you tomorrow!
‐Ooh!
‐Yeah.
Okay, Jen,
you take care of that, too.
And we need a church,
a reception hall and a band.
Okay, let’s see!
Let’s see.
We can use Chapel by the Shore,
the Beekman Hotel.
And Barbara’s husband
is a rock promoter.
He can get a great band!
‐Oh.
‐We have a lot to do.
Come on, Mary Anne,
let’s go upstairs
and start making some calls.
Okay.
[giggles]
[gasps]
Ooh!
[sighs]
Well, I‐I guess I’d better get
off and get my shoes shined.
Uh, which shoes
do you think I should wear?
‐Oh, well‐‐
‐Well, uh, you’re right!
I’ll just shine them all!
Oh, cousin, cousin, you want to
come? You want to come with me?
No, you‐you just, uh...
You go along.
I’m sure
you’re‐you’re much too busy
to drag along somebody
who’s got, uh...nothing to do.
‐Okay.
‐Well, you know, hey!
Hey! It’s‐it’s not
the first time, you know.
I‐I remember that, uh,
Christmas when I was, uh...
seven, and, uh, uh, nobody in my
family remembered to wake me up.
[chuckles]
Yeah, you know, but don’t worry.
Don’t worry.
[chuckling]
I’ll just be on the sidelines
on the most important day
of your life.
Yeah, it’s okay.
You know, I’m not the kind of
guy who’s easily hurt.
I’m tough.
Glad to hear it.
See ya later!
♪ You’d better watch out
You’d better not cry ♪
♪ You’d better not pout
I’m tell... ♪
[sobs]
You’re really dying for
something to do, aren’t you?
Please, give me something to do.
Please, please.
Don’t open the presents
without me.
Cousin, I had something
for you to do all along.
I‐I just should have
asked you earlier.
Cousin, will you be
my piggliwiggliki?
What is a piggliwiggliki?
Well, it’s similar to what
Americans call a best man.
Ah, Balki, I would be honored
to be your piggliwiggliki!
Okay, now, gotta line up
tuxedos, gotta write a speech‐‐
‐Cousin‐‐
‐Gotta, uh, the rings.
‐Cousin...
‐The wedding presents‐‐
Cousin...
Anything else I should be doing?
Uh, n‐n‐no, cousin.
All the piggliwiggliki does is
is walk the groom up the aisle.
Well, what else does
the piggliwiggliki do?
Diddly squatiki.
♪ You better watch out
You better not... ♪
Wait a minute!
Wait, wait, wait!
No, that‐that’s all he does
at the ceremony.
But before the ceremony, he has
a very important role to play.
Which is?
Guardian of the Myposian
marri‐yage necklace.
The Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.
Yeah, why don’t we go,
why don’t we go with that?
Guardian of the marriage
necklace? I can do that!
Alright, goody, goody,
we’ll go with that.
Opening that was a lot messier
before I glued them down.
Cousin...this is
the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.
It is placed around both
the bride and the groom
at the ceremony
before they exchange their vows.
It symbolizes their,
their unity...their oneness.
The merging of their souls.
So‐so‐so the marriage necklace
is‐is‐is important?
Very, very important.
And that is why
from the moment
his marri‐yage is announced
no Mypiot boy ever lets it
out of his sight!
What?
Except to give to the guardian
of the marri‐yage necklace.
So, uh, so I’ll be
giving this to you now.
I’ll‐I’ll just, I’ll just...
Is‐isn’t there some ritual
we should be performing?
‐No.
‐No?
No, I mean, yes!
Yes, of course!
There’s‐there’s
the‐the ritual of
the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.
And, uh...
♪ Mish mikki
muck muck much ♪
♪ Mi mishni hah hah hah
mi mukni muff muff muff ♪
♪ And a minki minki minki ♪
♪ Da hoonti lass dibu da binki
lass dubu to minka ♪
♪ Hoy hoy vermink
nicht muff Ha! ♪
[instrumental music]
Come on, Balki! I’ve gotta get
you to the church on time!
Cousin, have you got the rings?
Have I got the rings?
Of course, I’ve got the rings.
‐Here they are.
‐Okay.
And what about
the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille?
Of course, I have
the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.
How could you doubt
that I would fulfill
my responsibility
as the piggliwiggliki?
When Larry Appleton is given
a job to do, that job gets done.
I thought that went without
saying, but I guess I was wrong.
I’m sorry, cousin,
you are, you are the best
piggliwiggliki
in the whole world.
I knew how much the marriage
necklace meant to you
so I found the perfect
place to keep it.
‐Give me the box!
‐No. No!
I am the piggliwiggliki,
and it is my responsibility.
I will hold on to the box.
Wild horses couldn’t
take this box from me!
You’ve lost it, haven’t you?
[crying]
Yes, I swear, it was here.
I swear, it was here.
Can I still be
the piggliwiggliki? Ow.
[instrumental music]
(Balki)
’Well, this is just great.’
’You’ve lost the
Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille!’
I said it was gone!
I didn’t say it was lost!
‐It’s in the house somewhere.
‐Where is it? Where is it?
I just don’t know where that
somewhere is at the moment.
Look‐look‐look, come, come on,
come on. We’ll find it.
We’ll find it,
but we have to calm down.
Huh? Can you do that for me?
Huh? Can you promise?
Just promise me
you’ll calm down.
If you can promise me
that we will find
the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.
I promise.
Then I‐I promise
I’ll try to calm down.
[exhales sharply]
Ow! God.
Oh!
Ah!
You big babasticki!
You little creep!
‐I’m gonna kill you!
‐Find the necklace!
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Come on now! Come on!
[wailing]
You know what’s
great about this?
You’re gonna have a story
to tell your kids
about how you and I
frantically searched
for the
Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille
on your wedding day.
[chuckles]
[gagging]
That
Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille
has been in the Bartokomous
family for centuries!
You are in charge of it
for one day, and what happens?
It’s gone.
Now what do you propose we do?
We’ll find the
Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille!
I’ve got it!
Here! Alright, alright.
Alright! Now I remember!
I had the necklace
when I was here.
And then I went
into the kitchen
I grabbed an orange.
I came back in here,
I peeled the orange
and I was on my way
back into the kitchen
to throw away the orange peels
when I saw that pot!
So I threw the orange peels away
and I put the necklace in here.
But don’t worry!
Because we can get the necklace
out of the trash!
Would that be the same trash
they picked up today?
Yes, that would be the same
trash, but‐don’t‐no‐no...
Because there’s a silver lining,
because the dump
is on the way to the church!
Isn’t that great?
[instrumental music]
We’re never gonna find it.
I’m sorry I ruined everything.
Cousin, don’t‐don’t feel bad.
It’s not your fault.
It’s my fault,
I never should have made you
the guardian of
the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.
Well, you had to,
it’s the piggliwiggliki’s job.
No, it isn’t.
What do you mean,
"No, it isn’t?"
You, you said it was
the piggliwiggliki’s job
to‐to be the guardian of
the Myposian marriage necklace.
We even did
a‐a‐a little ritual, r‐remember?
♪ Yo hoingi boingi in
yo hoingi boingi out... ♪
Cousin, cousin,
cousin, cousin..
That was no,
that was no ritual.
That was just
the "Hokey Pokey" with some
pseudo‐Myposian gibberish.
I...I‐I‐I felt so bad for you.
You wanted so badly
to have something to do.
So I invented the fact
that the piggliwiggliki
gets to be the guardian
of the necklace.
He don’t do that.
The‐the translation of
piggliwiggliki is just
"He who walks
the groom up the aisle
and then does
absolutely nothing."
[instrumental music]
Well, I‐I just wanted to play
a big part in your wedding.
Cousin, you are playing
a big part in my wedding.
Just by standing next to me.
You’re my best friend.
Yeah?
I mean, I mean, who else
would be sitting next to me
in gar‐baaj
dressed in a tuxedo?
Of course, it’s your fault
we’re sitting in gar‐baaj.
[sighs]
Cousin, cousin,
do you still get catalogs
from the "Step Up Here,
Little Man" clothing store?
Yeah, but I’m their
tallest customer.
This is your catalog,
and that must mean
that this is our gar‐baaj!
Cousin, look! Look!
Look, cousin!
Here is last night’s dinner.
Goat spleen surprise!
It’s covered with
egg shells.
Why didn’t I think of that?
Well, never mind that.
Balki! Here’s the sweater I gave
Jennifer for her birthday!
She said she lost it
on a flight to Costa Rica.
Balki! I think I see it!
Cousin! Cousin!
You‐you found the
Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille!
And now as soon as
we hose this off
I can get marri‐yed and
live happily ever after!
Oh, cousin! Now we are so happy
we do the "Dance of Joy!"
♪ Da‐e‐da‐e da‐e‐da‐e
da‐da da‐da dada‐da‐e ♪
♪ Hey oh ♪
♪ Hey hey ♪
[instrumental music]
Uh, there’s going to be
a slight delay.
We have that pesky little
problem of no groom.
[dogs barking]
[organ music]
Let’s go.
[music continues]
Cousin, don’t Mary Anne
look beautiful?
She sure does, Balki.
Balki Bartokomous,
you went to the dump without me!
What happened to you?
Good news, Jen,
I found the sweater
you thought
you lost in Costa Rica!
Friends, relatives,
we are gathered here today
to join these two
in holy matrimony.
The bride and groom
would like to exchange vows
they’ve written themselves.
Cousin, may I have
the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille?
This is the
Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.
The Myposian
marri‐yage necklace.
It, it represents...our unity.
We are now joined together like
sand in an hourglass.
Mary Anne, these are
the days of our lives.
The ring, please.
This is a pop top.
Here’s the ring.
[instrumental music]
Balki, from
the moment I met you
I knew you were
the man I wanted to
spend the rest of my life with.
This ring is a symbol of
my promise to always love you.
I hope you’ll wear it forever,
but I’ll understand
if you take it off if you go
someplace with high humidity
and your fingers swell up
like mine do.
Anyway, here.
Wow, she made that up
all by herself.
Mary Anne, the day
that I come to America
was the happiest day
of my life.
But now that I know that I’ll be
spending the rest of my life
with you, this is the new
happiest day of my life.
For, for my vows
I would like to quote
the lyrics from the song
that was playing
the night that
Mary Anne and I fell in love.
"There she was...
"...just a‐walkin’
down the street...
"...singin’ doo wah diddy
diddy dum diddy do.
"She looked good...
"...she looked fine...
and, and I nearly
lost my mind."
[music continues]
That was beautiful, Balki.
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
W‐wow!
[organ music]
[dogs barking]
[instrumental music]
Well, right about now
Balki and Mary Anne’s plane
should be landing in Athens.
Two hours on a small plane,
six more hours on a fishing boat
a 11‐mile hike,
and they’ll be at Balki’s house.
It’s hard to believe
they’re finally married.
"It’s hard to believe
they’re finally married?"
It’s hard to believe that‐that
we have the house to ourselves.
At least for three weeks.
You know what else
is hard to believe?
What’s that?
That in seven and a half months
you’re going to be a daddy.
That’s nice.
‐A, a daddy?
‐Yes, a daddy.
Oh! Really? Oh! Oh!
[instrumental music]
[theme music]