Perfect Strangers (1986–1993): Season 7, Episode 22 - Chicago Suite - full transcript
[theme song]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds are
this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stand
in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ And a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder ♪
♪ The wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪
♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stop me now ♪
[instrumental music]
(Larry)
’Balki, you’ve been
moping around’
’ever since
Mary Anne moved out.’
‐Come on.
‐Aww‐ah!
Okay, Balki.
Balki, come on.
‐Come on.
‐Hello.
Hi, hi. Come on.
Get up. Get up.
Here we go.
‐Balki, we have to talk.
‐No, no, cousin, I don’t...
I...
I don’t wanna talk,
there’s a...
There’s a Woody Woodpecker
marathon that’s gonna be on.
I can use a good laugh.
[laughs meekly]
[crying]
Alright, now, Balki.
‐Balki, we have to talk now.
‐Oh, no.
For the past two weeks
all you’ve done is
mope around the house
and watch TV.
What, you think
I’m turning into a couch tomato?
[sighs]
Alright, Balki,
you can’t keep sitting
around the house depressed.
For your infomercial,
I am not depressed.
I’m just sad. Okay.
And, I’ve come to terms
with that.
There’s nothing wrong
with being sad.
Now, that M...
...Mary Anne is gone.
Balki, you’ve got to get on
with your life.
You’ve gotta get out there
and meet new people.
[sobbing]
I don’t wanna meet new people.
I’m okay.
[Balki groans]
Alright, look at this.
That’s a very nice frame,
cousin.
Why is there a picture
of a dead man in it?
That’s not a picture of a dead
man, that’s your reflection.
We gotta get out
and meet people, come on.
Alright, alright, alright.
Yes, yes, yes.
Yeah, you gotta get out there.
You gotta get out there
and meet some new people.
But, first,
you got get dressed.
[sniffs]
And maybe a bath.
[instrumental music]
[upbeat music]
Cousin...
I thought you said you were
taking me to a watering hole.
That’s right.
Well, where are the caribou?
They’ll be here later.
Alright, now,
here’s what we’re gonna do.
I’m gonna give you
a little orientation.
Maybe, get you started
in a conversation with somebody
then, you are on your own.
Thank you, cousin.
Thank you.
What would I do without you?
You’d be lost.
Well, I haven’t been
in a singles bar
for a long, long time.
But I guess the rules
haven’t changed.
Now...
You’re gonna be a little
nervous at first, don’t worry.
Just remember,
it’s a numbers game.
Hello, my name is‐‐
There’re plenty
of opportunities out there...
...but you’re gonna have to
talk to four or five girls
before you get one to
talk back to you.
Hello.
‐I’m Balki.
‐Hi, I’m Amy.
Oh!
[laughs]
And, if you’re lucky enough
to get one to talk to you...
...just don’t forget rejection
is a part of the game, okay.
Don’t take it personally.
I’m gonna scout around.
‐You’re kind of cute.
‐Oh.
Go on, you.
‐No, you are cute.
‐Oh, go on with you.
‐No, really.
‐Oh, go on...
‐My fault.
‐Oh.
‐Okay.
‐Um...
Balki, I think I found a girl
you can talk to. Come with me.
Cousin, cousin, this is Amy.
She’s a girl that
I can talk to.
‐Amy, this is my cousin, Larry.
‐Hi.
Nice to meet you, Amy. Heh.
Well, uh...
I guess, uh,
my job here is done.
Balki.
Balki?
‐See you back at home.
‐Bye.
Cousin Larry come up with
the idea of taking me here.
I was gonna stay home and, uh...
You know, just, watch
the Woody Woodpecker Marathon.
‐I love Woody Woodpecker.
‐Get out of the city!
No, I love him.
Amy, do you want to
come home with me?
I could make some hot chocolate
and we could watch the end of
the Woody Woodpecker Marathon.
Oh...
That is so refreshing.
Oh, I’m sorry,
I didn’t mean to be fresh.
No, I‐I meant, it’s sweet.
Balki, you may not believe this
but you’re the first man to
offer me hot chocolate
and a cartoon marathon.
Is that a yes?
It would be,
but I came with my friend, Beth
’and I can’t leave without her.’
Oh, do you, do you think
she would like to come with us?
Probably. I think she’d
be happy to leave this place.
She doesn’t really like it here.
Oh, well,
if she don’t like it now
just wait till
the caribou get here.
[laughs]
Oh. My fault.
[instrumental music]
Okay, here we are.
Here we are.
Here we are.
I don’t feel very well.
Well, that, uh,
didn’t affect your singing any.
We, we very much enjoyed
your rendition of
"Ninety Nine Bottles
of Beer on The Wall."
‐Hey...
‐Oh!
I think I should
lay down for a while.
Alrighty. Well, look,
I got an idea.
Why don’t we take you... Whoo!
Take you right over here.
Take you right over here.
And, you know what?
You can go lay down upstairs...
If you go up the stairs
and turn to the right
there’s a,
there’s a bedroom you can use.
Nobody’s...u‐using it right now.
[Beth sighs]
‐I’m fine.
‐There you go.
Oh!
[thuds]
Well, are you ready
for the wild and whacky
wonderful world
of Woody Woodpecker?
‐Ready!
‐Hm‐hm.
Hi, Balki.
Oh!
Oh!
I’m sorry.
I, I didn’t know
you had a guest.
‐Cousin, this is my friend Amy.
‐Hello, again.
Yes, we’ve met.
Well...
Uh, I’ll just, uh,
leave you two alone.
Goodnight.
[imitating Woody Woodpecker]
Guess who?
[laughs]
Oh!
’Oh!’
If things go really well...
...later on, after
the Woody Woodpecker Marathon...
Uh‐huh?
...I might carve our initials
in a tree with my nose.
I’ve been told...
...I have the nose for it.
‐Balki, come with me.
‐Cousin, cousin, not now.
Please! Girl on the couch!
‐Girl on the couch!
‐Excuse us.
[imitates Woody Woodpecker]
Ow!
Balki, there is a woman
in my bed!
[instrumental music]
’Balki, why is there
a woman in my bed?’
Oh, po‐po!
That must be Amy’s friend, Beth.
She wasn’t feeling very well,
so I told her that
she could go upstairs and sleep
in the room right on the right.
No one’s...
No one’s using that room.
She must have gone
into the wrong room.
I‐I’ll just go
move her right now.
Hang on. No, no, no.
No, there’s no hurry.
We’ll‐we’ll move her later.
Jennifer’s on a flight and...
...you’ve got
better things to do.
‐Huh?
‐Oh...
‐Eh?
‐Oh!
[Larry chuckles]
‐Huh?
‐Ah!
[Larry laughs]
Ah!
[laughs]
You’re gonna watch
Woody Woodpecker, aren’t you?
You know me so well.
[sighs]
Hi, Larry.
Ooh! Ah! Jennifer!
Hi! Hi!
Well, w‐w‐what’re you doing
home? What happened?
Well, my flight to New York
was three hours late
when I got there the connecting
flight to London was cancelled
so I had to wait around
the airport for six hours
before I could
catch another flight home.
All I want to do is
go to bed and forget
this day ever happened.
No!
What do you mean no?
No‐o‐o lunch.
No dinner.
Y‐y‐you know,
you, you should have
a‐a nice cup of hot chocolate.
I’ll give you
the last little bit here.
Here. Here. Huh?
And, and,
this will help you relax.
Well, yeah, I‐I guess
a little hot chocolate
would help me relax.
I’ll just go in the other room,
tell Balki you’re home early.
[chuckles]
He’s gonna be so surprised.
[both laughing]
(both)
’Oh!’
Balki, I have to talk to you.
‐Now!
‐Cousin, no...
Jennifer came home early.
She’s in the kitchen right now.
You have to get rid of the girl.
Why should I get rid
of the girl?
Because my marriage is at stake.
But I don’t wanna get‐‐
[snarls]
[siren wailing on TV]
‐Oh, where ya goin’, Jen?
‐I’m going to bed.
Oh, no can do, Jen.
No, to get to
the bedroom you have to
walk through the living room.
I know that, Larry.
In the six months
I’ve lived here
I’ve pretty much
memorized the route.
Oh, no, no, no.
See, no, no.
No, you don’t understand.
[chuckling]
Balki met a girl.
Already?
That was fast, I thought
it would take you about
three days just to
get him out of his pajamas.
Oh, no.
He’s a fast worker.
Yeah, he’s entertaining her
in the living room, right now.
Yes, so, that’s why
we can’t interrupt ’em.
Yeah, they’re watching
a cartoon marathon
and, uh, then Balki’s
gonna teach her how to make
uh, shadow animals. Heh heh.
So, wh‐where did he meet her?
In a singles bar.
At least that’s what he told me.
I‐I... You know, I wasn’t there.
I was... Huh.
You know...
What‐what would I be doing
in a singles bar?
I’m a, I’m a married man.
[chuckles]
Happily married.
Happiest.
Hi.
‐Hi.
‐Hi.
So, how’s it going
with your friend?
Well, Jennifer,
she’s just unlike anyone
I’ve ever met before. She’s such
a Woody Woodpecker fan.
There was a certain magic in
the room until she had to leave.
Oh, well,
I guess I can go to bed now.
‐Goodnight.
‐Goodnight.
[chuckles]
Why did Amy leave?
You told me to
get rid of the girl.
Where’s the girl in my bed?
Probably still in your bed.
[gasps]
‐Jen, wait!
‐What?
[sniffs]
Oh, boy,
that hot chocolate smells good.
[chuckling nervously]
Would you, would you
mind making me a cup?
Larry, I’m tired.
I just wanna go to bed.
Well, I‐I... Cousin, I’ll make
you a cup of hot chocolate.
‐Jennifer, run along.
‐No, no, no.
No, no! No, no!
No, no! No, no!
Is‐is it so much to
ask that my wife
make me a cup of hot chocolate?
Well, it is
a little unreasonable.
I am not talking to you!
Just go upstairs! Go upstairs!
[snarling]
Go upstairs!
He forgot to clean his room.
Larry, it’s late.
Oh, it’s late!
Oh, it’s late!
Excuse me, you know, I seem
to remember a night last week
when it was very late
and you insisted that
I go across town
in a driving rainstorm
because you had a craving
for Mr. Woo’s Kung Pao Chicken.
And did I say,
"Jennifer, it’s late?"
Alright, fine, Larry.
I’ll make your hot chocolate.
Thank you. Thank you.
And‐and, don’t forget
the little marshmallows.
It’s just not hot chocolate
without the little marshmallows.
Cousin, I was right.
Beth is still in your bed.
She’s got a little bit
of drool running down her chin.
Alright, let’s go!
Get upstairs! Get upstairs!
Get up there now.
[snarling]
Beth. Beth.
Beth, wake up.
Time to rise and shine.
♪ Forty‐five bottles
of beer on the... ♪
♪ Forty‐five bottles... ♪
‐Ooo‐ooo‐ooo...
‐Beth, Beth...
Cousin, cousin,
don’t do that.
She’s gonna lose count.
Alright, Balki,
we’ll get her on her feet
we’ll walk her around and
and she’ll wake up.
Balki, she’s wearing my pajamas.
You know what?
They look kind of good on her.
She fills them
out a little more.
The pant legs could be longer.
Alright, let’s get her up.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
Here we go. Here we go.
‐Here we go. Come on, now.
‐Here we go.
Come on. Come on.
Here we go. Here we go.
[both grunt]
Alright, alright,
put her feet down.
Put her feet down.
Here, lift her up.
Lift her up.
[grunts]
Okay.
[grunts]
Alright, come on.
Let’s just get her to the door.
Get her to the door.
[indistinct mumbling]
Come on, come on.
[both grunting]
Alright, alright,
now, g‐g‐get the door.
Get the door. Get the door.
Yeah. Okay.
(Jennifer)
’Larry, do you have to
have the marshmallows?’
’I can’t find them anywhere.’
Uh, yes! Yes, I have to
have the marshmallows!
I‐I’ll be right down
to help you look for them.
Here, take her. Take her.
[Larry breathing heavily]
Just find her clothes
and hide her.
If Jennifer sees her here,
my marriage is over!
[panting]
Larry, your hot chocolate
is in the kitchen.
If you want marshmallows,
go buy them yourself.
I’m going to bed.
Jen!
Y‐y‐you’re angry, aren’t you?
Larry, I have every right
to be angry.
You’ve been acting like
a lunatic ever since I got home.
Alright, well,
maybe I am a little tensed.
But there’s
a good reason for it.
I’ve been under
a lot of pressure lately.
But the good thing
is we’re talking about it.
And, and, I‐I think that
communication is the basis of‐of
of a good marriage.
‐Don’t you agree?
‐Okay, Larry.
It’s late and I’m exhausted, but
if it’s that important to you...
...we’ll talk.
Not now, you’re tired.
Let’s turn in.
Oh, I’m glad this day is over.
[Larry chuckles]
Well, you’ll never know
how much I agree with you.
Cousin, cousin,
I‐I hid all of Beth’s clothes.
‐Good.
‐No, not good.
I‐I could only find
one shoe, I...
The other one is here somewhere.
Oh, my Lord!
Alright, we’ve gotta find
that shoe before Jennifer does.
Eh.
Got it.
♪ Balki the friendly ghost ♪
♪ The friendliest ghost
you know ♪
[humming]
‐Stop it!
‐Uh‐huh.
♪ I always say hello... ♪
‐Get out!
‐Alright.
Balki, what’re you doing here?
What am I doing here?
What...am...I doing here?
Well, isn’t that
the universal question?
I mean, what are any of us
doing here?
I’m going to go take a shower.
Balki, we did it.
Where’d you hide Beth?
Well, we gotta talk about that.
See, um...
...I didn’t have much time
and my options...were few.
What does that mean?
Why is there a woman
in our bathtub?
[instrumental music]
You’re kidding, Amy.
You like
"The Three Stooges," too?
I’d love to go
to their film festival!
Yeah, I’ll pick you up at 7:00.
Okay. Hey, Amy, Amy.
Put your face up to the phone.
[imitating Woody Woodpecker]
Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!
‐Good morning.
‐Hi, cousin.
Everything alright
between you and Jennifer?
Well, of course it is.
I’m her husband.
I explained things to her
, and she accepted it.
Boy, I‐I wish I had
your ability to handle women.
Well, you don’t.
Oh, and, uh, since
you’re gonna be dating again
we’ve got to establish
a few ground rules, alright?
Number one, the next time
you go out to meet women...
...I am not permitted to come.
Number two, if you’re gonna
bring home more than one woman
at a time,
call me first
so that I and my pajamas
can spend the night at a hotel.
[knock at door]
Oh, and number three
if you break either rules
number one or number two
there’s no such thing
as too many flowers.
Thank you.
I’ll be taking these
right upstairs.
Oh, uh...
...let me know when the man from
the jewelry store gets here.
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds are
this time ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stand
in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ And a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder ♪
♪ The wind and haze ♪
♪ I’m bound for better days ♪
♪ It’s my life and my dream ♪
♪ Nothing’s gonna stop me now ♪
[instrumental music]
(Larry)
’Balki, you’ve been
moping around’
’ever since
Mary Anne moved out.’
‐Come on.
‐Aww‐ah!
Okay, Balki.
Balki, come on.
‐Come on.
‐Hello.
Hi, hi. Come on.
Get up. Get up.
Here we go.
‐Balki, we have to talk.
‐No, no, cousin, I don’t...
I...
I don’t wanna talk,
there’s a...
There’s a Woody Woodpecker
marathon that’s gonna be on.
I can use a good laugh.
[laughs meekly]
[crying]
Alright, now, Balki.
‐Balki, we have to talk now.
‐Oh, no.
For the past two weeks
all you’ve done is
mope around the house
and watch TV.
What, you think
I’m turning into a couch tomato?
[sighs]
Alright, Balki,
you can’t keep sitting
around the house depressed.
For your infomercial,
I am not depressed.
I’m just sad. Okay.
And, I’ve come to terms
with that.
There’s nothing wrong
with being sad.
Now, that M...
...Mary Anne is gone.
Balki, you’ve got to get on
with your life.
You’ve gotta get out there
and meet new people.
[sobbing]
I don’t wanna meet new people.
I’m okay.
[Balki groans]
Alright, look at this.
That’s a very nice frame,
cousin.
Why is there a picture
of a dead man in it?
That’s not a picture of a dead
man, that’s your reflection.
We gotta get out
and meet people, come on.
Alright, alright, alright.
Yes, yes, yes.
Yeah, you gotta get out there.
You gotta get out there
and meet some new people.
But, first,
you got get dressed.
[sniffs]
And maybe a bath.
[instrumental music]
[upbeat music]
Cousin...
I thought you said you were
taking me to a watering hole.
That’s right.
Well, where are the caribou?
They’ll be here later.
Alright, now,
here’s what we’re gonna do.
I’m gonna give you
a little orientation.
Maybe, get you started
in a conversation with somebody
then, you are on your own.
Thank you, cousin.
Thank you.
What would I do without you?
You’d be lost.
Well, I haven’t been
in a singles bar
for a long, long time.
But I guess the rules
haven’t changed.
Now...
You’re gonna be a little
nervous at first, don’t worry.
Just remember,
it’s a numbers game.
Hello, my name is‐‐
There’re plenty
of opportunities out there...
...but you’re gonna have to
talk to four or five girls
before you get one to
talk back to you.
Hello.
‐I’m Balki.
‐Hi, I’m Amy.
Oh!
[laughs]
And, if you’re lucky enough
to get one to talk to you...
...just don’t forget rejection
is a part of the game, okay.
Don’t take it personally.
I’m gonna scout around.
‐You’re kind of cute.
‐Oh.
Go on, you.
‐No, you are cute.
‐Oh, go on with you.
‐No, really.
‐Oh, go on...
‐My fault.
‐Oh.
‐Okay.
‐Um...
Balki, I think I found a girl
you can talk to. Come with me.
Cousin, cousin, this is Amy.
She’s a girl that
I can talk to.
‐Amy, this is my cousin, Larry.
‐Hi.
Nice to meet you, Amy. Heh.
Well, uh...
I guess, uh,
my job here is done.
Balki.
Balki?
‐See you back at home.
‐Bye.
Cousin Larry come up with
the idea of taking me here.
I was gonna stay home and, uh...
You know, just, watch
the Woody Woodpecker Marathon.
‐I love Woody Woodpecker.
‐Get out of the city!
No, I love him.
Amy, do you want to
come home with me?
I could make some hot chocolate
and we could watch the end of
the Woody Woodpecker Marathon.
Oh...
That is so refreshing.
Oh, I’m sorry,
I didn’t mean to be fresh.
No, I‐I meant, it’s sweet.
Balki, you may not believe this
but you’re the first man to
offer me hot chocolate
and a cartoon marathon.
Is that a yes?
It would be,
but I came with my friend, Beth
’and I can’t leave without her.’
Oh, do you, do you think
she would like to come with us?
Probably. I think she’d
be happy to leave this place.
She doesn’t really like it here.
Oh, well,
if she don’t like it now
just wait till
the caribou get here.
[laughs]
Oh. My fault.
[instrumental music]
Okay, here we are.
Here we are.
Here we are.
I don’t feel very well.
Well, that, uh,
didn’t affect your singing any.
We, we very much enjoyed
your rendition of
"Ninety Nine Bottles
of Beer on The Wall."
‐Hey...
‐Oh!
I think I should
lay down for a while.
Alrighty. Well, look,
I got an idea.
Why don’t we take you... Whoo!
Take you right over here.
Take you right over here.
And, you know what?
You can go lay down upstairs...
If you go up the stairs
and turn to the right
there’s a,
there’s a bedroom you can use.
Nobody’s...u‐using it right now.
[Beth sighs]
‐I’m fine.
‐There you go.
Oh!
[thuds]
Well, are you ready
for the wild and whacky
wonderful world
of Woody Woodpecker?
‐Ready!
‐Hm‐hm.
Hi, Balki.
Oh!
Oh!
I’m sorry.
I, I didn’t know
you had a guest.
‐Cousin, this is my friend Amy.
‐Hello, again.
Yes, we’ve met.
Well...
Uh, I’ll just, uh,
leave you two alone.
Goodnight.
[imitating Woody Woodpecker]
Guess who?
[laughs]
Oh!
’Oh!’
If things go really well...
...later on, after
the Woody Woodpecker Marathon...
Uh‐huh?
...I might carve our initials
in a tree with my nose.
I’ve been told...
...I have the nose for it.
‐Balki, come with me.
‐Cousin, cousin, not now.
Please! Girl on the couch!
‐Girl on the couch!
‐Excuse us.
[imitates Woody Woodpecker]
Ow!
Balki, there is a woman
in my bed!
[instrumental music]
’Balki, why is there
a woman in my bed?’
Oh, po‐po!
That must be Amy’s friend, Beth.
She wasn’t feeling very well,
so I told her that
she could go upstairs and sleep
in the room right on the right.
No one’s...
No one’s using that room.
She must have gone
into the wrong room.
I‐I’ll just go
move her right now.
Hang on. No, no, no.
No, there’s no hurry.
We’ll‐we’ll move her later.
Jennifer’s on a flight and...
...you’ve got
better things to do.
‐Huh?
‐Oh...
‐Eh?
‐Oh!
[Larry chuckles]
‐Huh?
‐Ah!
[Larry laughs]
Ah!
[laughs]
You’re gonna watch
Woody Woodpecker, aren’t you?
You know me so well.
[sighs]
Hi, Larry.
Ooh! Ah! Jennifer!
Hi! Hi!
Well, w‐w‐what’re you doing
home? What happened?
Well, my flight to New York
was three hours late
when I got there the connecting
flight to London was cancelled
so I had to wait around
the airport for six hours
before I could
catch another flight home.
All I want to do is
go to bed and forget
this day ever happened.
No!
What do you mean no?
No‐o‐o lunch.
No dinner.
Y‐y‐you know,
you, you should have
a‐a nice cup of hot chocolate.
I’ll give you
the last little bit here.
Here. Here. Huh?
And, and,
this will help you relax.
Well, yeah, I‐I guess
a little hot chocolate
would help me relax.
I’ll just go in the other room,
tell Balki you’re home early.
[chuckles]
He’s gonna be so surprised.
[both laughing]
(both)
’Oh!’
Balki, I have to talk to you.
‐Now!
‐Cousin, no...
Jennifer came home early.
She’s in the kitchen right now.
You have to get rid of the girl.
Why should I get rid
of the girl?
Because my marriage is at stake.
But I don’t wanna get‐‐
[snarls]
[siren wailing on TV]
‐Oh, where ya goin’, Jen?
‐I’m going to bed.
Oh, no can do, Jen.
No, to get to
the bedroom you have to
walk through the living room.
I know that, Larry.
In the six months
I’ve lived here
I’ve pretty much
memorized the route.
Oh, no, no, no.
See, no, no.
No, you don’t understand.
[chuckling]
Balki met a girl.
Already?
That was fast, I thought
it would take you about
three days just to
get him out of his pajamas.
Oh, no.
He’s a fast worker.
Yeah, he’s entertaining her
in the living room, right now.
Yes, so, that’s why
we can’t interrupt ’em.
Yeah, they’re watching
a cartoon marathon
and, uh, then Balki’s
gonna teach her how to make
uh, shadow animals. Heh heh.
So, wh‐where did he meet her?
In a singles bar.
At least that’s what he told me.
I‐I... You know, I wasn’t there.
I was... Huh.
You know...
What‐what would I be doing
in a singles bar?
I’m a, I’m a married man.
[chuckles]
Happily married.
Happiest.
Hi.
‐Hi.
‐Hi.
So, how’s it going
with your friend?
Well, Jennifer,
she’s just unlike anyone
I’ve ever met before. She’s such
a Woody Woodpecker fan.
There was a certain magic in
the room until she had to leave.
Oh, well,
I guess I can go to bed now.
‐Goodnight.
‐Goodnight.
[chuckles]
Why did Amy leave?
You told me to
get rid of the girl.
Where’s the girl in my bed?
Probably still in your bed.
[gasps]
‐Jen, wait!
‐What?
[sniffs]
Oh, boy,
that hot chocolate smells good.
[chuckling nervously]
Would you, would you
mind making me a cup?
Larry, I’m tired.
I just wanna go to bed.
Well, I‐I... Cousin, I’ll make
you a cup of hot chocolate.
‐Jennifer, run along.
‐No, no, no.
No, no! No, no!
No, no! No, no!
Is‐is it so much to
ask that my wife
make me a cup of hot chocolate?
Well, it is
a little unreasonable.
I am not talking to you!
Just go upstairs! Go upstairs!
[snarling]
Go upstairs!
He forgot to clean his room.
Larry, it’s late.
Oh, it’s late!
Oh, it’s late!
Excuse me, you know, I seem
to remember a night last week
when it was very late
and you insisted that
I go across town
in a driving rainstorm
because you had a craving
for Mr. Woo’s Kung Pao Chicken.
And did I say,
"Jennifer, it’s late?"
Alright, fine, Larry.
I’ll make your hot chocolate.
Thank you. Thank you.
And‐and, don’t forget
the little marshmallows.
It’s just not hot chocolate
without the little marshmallows.
Cousin, I was right.
Beth is still in your bed.
She’s got a little bit
of drool running down her chin.
Alright, let’s go!
Get upstairs! Get upstairs!
Get up there now.
[snarling]
Beth. Beth.
Beth, wake up.
Time to rise and shine.
♪ Forty‐five bottles
of beer on the... ♪
♪ Forty‐five bottles... ♪
‐Ooo‐ooo‐ooo...
‐Beth, Beth...
Cousin, cousin,
don’t do that.
She’s gonna lose count.
Alright, Balki,
we’ll get her on her feet
we’ll walk her around and
and she’ll wake up.
Balki, she’s wearing my pajamas.
You know what?
They look kind of good on her.
She fills them
out a little more.
The pant legs could be longer.
Alright, let’s get her up.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
Here we go. Here we go.
‐Here we go. Come on, now.
‐Here we go.
Come on. Come on.
Here we go. Here we go.
[both grunt]
Alright, alright,
put her feet down.
Put her feet down.
Here, lift her up.
Lift her up.
[grunts]
Okay.
[grunts]
Alright, come on.
Let’s just get her to the door.
Get her to the door.
[indistinct mumbling]
Come on, come on.
[both grunting]
Alright, alright,
now, g‐g‐get the door.
Get the door. Get the door.
Yeah. Okay.
(Jennifer)
’Larry, do you have to
have the marshmallows?’
’I can’t find them anywhere.’
Uh, yes! Yes, I have to
have the marshmallows!
I‐I’ll be right down
to help you look for them.
Here, take her. Take her.
[Larry breathing heavily]
Just find her clothes
and hide her.
If Jennifer sees her here,
my marriage is over!
[panting]
Larry, your hot chocolate
is in the kitchen.
If you want marshmallows,
go buy them yourself.
I’m going to bed.
Jen!
Y‐y‐you’re angry, aren’t you?
Larry, I have every right
to be angry.
You’ve been acting like
a lunatic ever since I got home.
Alright, well,
maybe I am a little tensed.
But there’s
a good reason for it.
I’ve been under
a lot of pressure lately.
But the good thing
is we’re talking about it.
And, and, I‐I think that
communication is the basis of‐of
of a good marriage.
‐Don’t you agree?
‐Okay, Larry.
It’s late and I’m exhausted, but
if it’s that important to you...
...we’ll talk.
Not now, you’re tired.
Let’s turn in.
Oh, I’m glad this day is over.
[Larry chuckles]
Well, you’ll never know
how much I agree with you.
Cousin, cousin,
I‐I hid all of Beth’s clothes.
‐Good.
‐No, not good.
I‐I could only find
one shoe, I...
The other one is here somewhere.
Oh, my Lord!
Alright, we’ve gotta find
that shoe before Jennifer does.
Eh.
Got it.
♪ Balki the friendly ghost ♪
♪ The friendliest ghost
you know ♪
[humming]
‐Stop it!
‐Uh‐huh.
♪ I always say hello... ♪
‐Get out!
‐Alright.
Balki, what’re you doing here?
What am I doing here?
What...am...I doing here?
Well, isn’t that
the universal question?
I mean, what are any of us
doing here?
I’m going to go take a shower.
Balki, we did it.
Where’d you hide Beth?
Well, we gotta talk about that.
See, um...
...I didn’t have much time
and my options...were few.
What does that mean?
Why is there a woman
in our bathtub?
[instrumental music]
You’re kidding, Amy.
You like
"The Three Stooges," too?
I’d love to go
to their film festival!
Yeah, I’ll pick you up at 7:00.
Okay. Hey, Amy, Amy.
Put your face up to the phone.
[imitating Woody Woodpecker]
Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!
‐Good morning.
‐Hi, cousin.
Everything alright
between you and Jennifer?
Well, of course it is.
I’m her husband.
I explained things to her
, and she accepted it.
Boy, I‐I wish I had
your ability to handle women.
Well, you don’t.
Oh, and, uh, since
you’re gonna be dating again
we’ve got to establish
a few ground rules, alright?
Number one, the next time
you go out to meet women...
...I am not permitted to come.
Number two, if you’re gonna
bring home more than one woman
at a time,
call me first
so that I and my pajamas
can spend the night at a hotel.
[knock at door]
Oh, and number three
if you break either rules
number one or number two
there’s no such thing
as too many flowers.
Thank you.
I’ll be taking these
right upstairs.
Oh, uh...
...let me know when the man from
the jewelry store gets here.
[instrumental music]
[theme music]