Perfect Strangers (1986–1993): Season 5, Episode 6 - Poetry in Motion - full transcript

[theme music]

♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪

♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪

♪ Sometimes
you just get a feeling ♪

♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪

♪ No matter what the odds
are this time ♪

♪ Nothing’s gonna
stand in my way ♪

♪ This flame in my heart ♪

♪ And a long lost friend ♪

♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪

♪ Standing tall ♪



♪ On the wings
of my dream ♪

♪ Rise and fall ♪

♪ On the wings
of my dream ♪

♪ Through the rain and thunder
the wind and haze ♪

♪ I’m bound
for better days ♪

♪ It’s my life ♪

♪ And my dream ♪

♪ And nothing’s
gonna stop me now ♪

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

How’s the research
going, Balki?

Great, cousin.

What have you got
on Carl Sandburg?

Uh, nothing yet.



Well,
what about Robert Frost?

He’s next.

Well,
then what’s all this?

This is all
about Lowell Kelly.

Balki, I just needed

a little background
on the poets

whose manuscripts
are being auctioned

tomorrow night
at Beardsley’s.

Don’t waste too much time
with Lowell Kelly.

He’s a minor poet.

Minor?

You mean, his mama
had to give him permission?

No, I‐I mean, compared to
poets like, Sandburg and Frost

Kelly’s work
isn’t very good.

Cousin,
I beg to take issue.

I love Lowell Kelly.

And‐and now that I know
so much more about him

I love him even more.

Did you know that he
used to hide his poems?

That’s what I’d do
with them.

He always said
that it was an extension

of the hidden meaning
in his poetry.

And one time, his editor
had to go on a scavenger hunt

to find the poems.

Well, Balki, my editor’s gonna
be hunting for my replacement

if I don’t get
this story in on time.

Question, why would anybody
hunt for scavengers?

I mean, they’re‐they’re ugly.

They smell bad.

They’re not
very good eating.

Except perhaps
a very young buzzard.

(Larry)
’Balki.’

You know, years back

mother used to have
an excellent recipe

for baby buzzard
with basil.

Alright, I think you
need to take a break.

You accidentally wrote down

that Lowell Kelly
lived at our address.

I did?

Cousin, I did not
make a mistake.

Look this.

Lowell Kelly used to live
at our address

"711 Coldwell Avenue."

And not only that,
but he lived in apartment 209.

That’s our apartment!

Well, that’s incredible.

But, do you know
what that means?

I’m still the best writer
who ever lived in our apartment.

It also means

that Lowell Kelly’s last poem

is hidden
somewhere in our apartment.

Well, I say
we do the world a favor

and let it stay hidden.

Come on,
let’s go to lunch.

Oh, cousin, I‐I know you don’t
think much of Lowell Kelly

but some other
people do.

Listen to this, in 1974,
a Lowell Kelly manuscript

sold for $5,000.

$5,000?

Isn’t that disgusting?

Putting a price tag
on a work of art.

It’s like painting chest hairs
on the Mona Lisa.

Five thousand dollars
for a poem?

If it had been signed,
it would be 10,000.

Uh, you know, Balki,
I think I may have to

work through lunch.

Could you get me
a corned beef sandwich.

I‐I’ve gotta run this
up to the city desk.

Okay, cousin,
one corned beef, very lean

cut from the middle
and slice diagonally

coming right up.

Beardsley’s Auction House?

Yes, this is Larry Appleton

from the Chicago Chronicle
again.

Yeah, you know,
I‐I heard somewhere

that an original unpublished
Lowell Kelly manuscript

brought in $5,000 in 1974.

Uh, what would
one go for these days?

Twenty‐five thousand doll...

Oh, my Lord.

[instrumental music]

Well, cousin,
no poem back there.

But, I did find
my Myposian microwave cookbook

that you said was stolen.

You sure, you can’t
get behind the sink?

Yeah.

You know, cousin

I can’t help noticing

that I’m
doing all the work

and you’re doing
all the...

...whatever it is
you’re doing.

All the work?
All the work?

Balki, who went
all the way downtown

to get the blueprints?

You did.

Who stood in line
for good ten minutes

at the city planner’s
office?

You did.

Who left a five dollar deposit
for the blueprints?

You’re right.

I’m sorry
for being so petty.

That’s okay.

Cousin, I can’t believe you
will go to so much trouble

to find
a Lowell Kelly poem

when you consider him
such a minor league poet.

That was
this morning, Balki.

After our talk

I realized
the true value of his poetry.

How a few simple
lines on paper

can enrich
a man’s life.

Cousin,
isn’t it wonderful

that we’re
going to find a poem

that will bring the world
such happiness?

Happiness. Right.
Okay.

Let’s look
at the mantelpiece.

Maybe there’s a loose tile,
a secret compartment.

[sighs]

You know, cousin

Uh, on Mypos, whenever I had
anything I that I wanted to hide

that was valuable, I used to
just shove it up the chimney.

‐Shove it up the chimney?
‐Just shove it up the chimney.

Well, this isn’t Mypos,
so we can eliminate the chimney.

Cousin, it wouldn’t kill you
to look up the chimney.

Alright.
I’ll look up the chimney.

Balki.

There’s something here.

Balki,
hand me the poker.

Uh, cousin, no, no,
it’s not a good idea

to go poking up
in a chimney.

Balki, I know what I’m doing.
Hand me the poker.

‐Cousin, no‐‐
‐Balki‐‐

No. I know. I know more...

Cousin, I know more
about chimneys...

‐Balki. Balki.
‐No.

Balki!

Hand me the poker. Now.

Po, po, po.

Pokie stickie
up the chicky...

[speaking in foreign language]

There’s something stuck
to the side of the chimney.

[grumbling]
Play with the fireplace...

If I can just...

...pry it loose...

Yeah.

I’m getting it!

I’m getting it!

I’ve got it!

You know, um

one of the reasons

it makes such an excellent
hiding place

is no one in
their right mind...

...would go poking up
inside it.

Boy, I was lucky.

I could have been hit
in the head with this brick.

Or worse

with this tin box.

Balki!

Do you know
what this is?

It’s a tin box.

This isn’t
just a tin box.

We found
the Lowell Kelly poem.

[instrumental music]

Here it is.

Get ready to hear
Lowell Kelly’s last poem.

"Roses are red,
violets are blue

"If you want my poem,
here’s what you do."

Yeah. Yeah.

That’s Kelly.

The man was a genius.

I don’t know why he fell
into disfavor in the sixties?

Balki,
this isn’t the poem.

If it is not
the poem what is it?

Balki,
these are instructions

for finding the poem.

We’re nearing the pot of gold
at the end of the rainbow.

Did you say "gold"?

‐Gold?
‐Yes.

Why would I say "gold"?

I don’t know.

There’s no money
involved in this.

Aren’t we doing this

to bring the world
happiness?

Happiness. Right.

Now, help me
find the poem.

"From the front door
with zest

first you take
ten paces west."

"From the front door,
ten paces west.

‐It says with zest.
‐With zest. Ten paces.

One, two, three four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

"Five paces north,
now five more east.

"You’re getting close
to a poetry feast."

Five paces north.

One, two,
three, four, five.

"Now five more east."

One, two, three,
four, five.

"Six paces south.
Please be meticulous."

Of course we will.
Don’t be ridiculous.

Six paces south.

One, two, three,
four, five, six.

Balki,
I don’t understand.

We’re supposed to take
six paces south.

We’ve only taken five.

Perhaps Kelly
had short legs.

Wait a minute.

Balki, this wall
shouldn’t be here.

Cousin,
I think you’re right.

If this wall were gone

it would really
open up the space

and make kind
of a‐a Santa Fe statement.

No. No, no, Balki.

I mean, this wall
wasn’t here

when Lowell Kelly
lived here.

We need to take one more pace
in that direction.

I’m going
into the closet.

’Six!’

’This is the final
instruction.’

’"Five paces east,
and you will be’

’"in the presence
of poetry."’

One, two, three, four.

Balki, the poem is hidden
in your bedroom.

Come on, Balki.
Let’s find the...

You know...

...every time I come in here
it’s just a little...

...busier.

Thank you, cousin.

I‐I like to think of my room
as a work in progress.

Speaking of which there’s
something I want to show you.

Come over here.
And move here.

Well.

Balki.

It’s big.

I‐I’ve been staying up
late nights

working on it.

It’s a depiction
of the birth of our friendship.

Well, of‐of course.

And, uh, this would be you
over here.

The sandals
give me away, huh?

And this person
with no lips...

...would be me.

Well, that’s
very nice, Balki.

Now come on.
Let’s see if we can find‐‐

Cousin, cousin,
I’m so, I’m so happy you like it

because I put
my heart and soul

and six months of sleepless
nights into painting it.

Actually,
there was one night

when I fell asleep
against the mural.

You see this sheep
that looks like a nose?

It‐it‐it is my nose.

Well, it’s a good,
good painting.

But we have
a poem to find, huh?

Now, let’s get
all this stuff off the shelves.

Cousin, cousin,
wait, wait, wait!

Wait a minute.

You were, you were
about to touch

a rare complete set
of Moogli carvings.

Okay. You move them.
But, let’s hurry it up.

Okay. Okay.

Zygote, I’m going
to take you down now.

I’m gonna take you down.
Shh, shh, no, no.

That’s my hand.
That’s my hand.

Don’t look down.
Don’t look down.

Eye contact, eye contact.

Eye contact.

See me.

Hear me.

Feel me.

Okay, okay, okay.

There’s the back legs

and there’s the four hoofs.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay , Zina‐‐

Say, Balki, uh, don’t you have
a class to go to?

Well, well, I already decided
I’m not going tonight.

You’re not?

No, no, I want to help you
find the poem.

Well, I’m shocked.

Uh, don’t you realize there are
people all over the world

who would do anything for
the educational opportunities

that have been
just handed to you.

Is this the way you show
your gratitude, is it?

By skipping class?

But‐but‐but, cousin, I’m only
gonna do it just this once.

Oh, sure, that’s
what you say now

but, uh, soon it’ll be
twice a week, three times a week

a whole semester.

Pretty soon
you’ll have forgotten

the pledge of allegiance.

Cousin,
I would never do that.

‐Then you better go to class.
‐Okay.

Don’t worry.

I won’t look for the poem
till you get back.

Okay.
Thank you, cousin.

[instrumental music]

[chain saw starts]

[panting]

Balki.

I didn’t
hear you come in.

What have you done?

Oh. Well...

Just thought I’d get
a jump on things.

No need to thank me.

Balki.

I know now
where the poem is.

Where, cousin,
could it possibly be?

You’ve torn up
every wall!

The only place it could
possibly be is...

No, cousin.

No. No.

Don’t
destroy my mural!

Please, cousin.
Please, cousin.

I put my heart and soul
and nose into it.

Balki. Balki.

You can paint it again.

Think of how much better
it’ll be the second time around.

Cousin, I can’t paint it
the second time.

It was done
during my blue period

and I think that’s passed.

Balki, there is a manuscript
on the other side of that wall

that is worth
a lot of money.

I called Beardsley’s
and they told me

we could get
$25,000 for that poem.

So that’s why you’re
in my room with a chain saw.

This isn’t about bringing
the world happiness.

This is about bringing
Larry Appleton money.

Wait, cousin!
Look around you.

Wait!
Look what you’ve done.

Stop,
in the name of love!

Balki,
get out of my way.

Okay, cousin.

You can destroy my mural
if you want to.

But just think
before you leap

into your own
great gorge of greed.

You might find the poem

but you might lose
the part of Larry Appleton

that cares more about people
than he does about money.

[pound]

[Larry laughing]

(Larry)
’Aah.’

Balki, I didn’t
destroy the mural.

‐You didn’t?
‐Yeah.

I just...couldn’t do it.

Cousin, thank you,
thank you.

I’m so happy.

But why‐why were you
screaming?

I dropped the sledge hammer
on my foot.

Cousin, I’m
so proud of you.

I didn’t do it
on purpose.

No, I’m proud of you
for resisting

the great gorge of greed.

Yeah, I went off
the deep end again.

And you know what it was?

Just pure greed.

It was just pure greed.

You know, sometimes‐‐

You just get greedy.

I get greedy...

You just lose control.

And I lose it.

I‐I lose control.

But you know what, cousin?

Look on the bright side?

Look on the bright side.

You were lured to the edge
of the great gorge of greed

but you didn’t fall in.

I do get right up
to the edge though, don’t I?

Why is that?

I don’t know.
Maybe you like the view.

Cousin...

...what’s this?

That’s
Lowell Kelly’s poem.

"If you’ve made it
this far

"you’re quite a mover.

"Now buy a ticket,
and go to Vancouver.

"Bring a rifle, a net,
put a smile on your face.

"You’ll need all of these
for your wild‐goose‐chase."

Beautiful.

It was worth the effort.

[theme music]