Perfect Strangers (1986–1993): Season 4, Episode 22 - Wedding Belle Blues - full transcript
[David Pomeranz performing
"Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now"]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds
are this time ♪
♪ Nothing's gonna stand
in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder
the wind and haze ♪
♪ I'm bound for better days ♪
♪ It's my life ♪
♪ My dream ♪
♪ And nothing's gonna
stop me now ♪
♪ Happy birthday dear Balki ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
[all cheering]
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.
Now, now, listen..
...I‐I‐I want to
to make an announcement.
This is a very important
birthday for me.
And not even
Cousin Larry knows why?
Because today
not only I turn 25
but according to
Mypos tradition..
...I also
become a man.
Wow, what were you before?
I was 24.
[knocking on door]
I'll get it.
I'm looking
for Balki Bartokomous.
I am Balki Bartokomous.
Come in.
I am Verbos Verazonns..
...from the island of Pathos.
Pathos. From Pathos.
Everybody, he‐he is from Pathos.
Pathos‐Pathos, is the‐is the
island that is the neighbor
of Mypos to the east
and Skeptos is to the west
and all together they form
the Tri‐Island Area.
So you're from Pathos.
It's funny,
you don't look pathetic.
Well, only my father
is from Pathos.
My mother was born
in Skeptos.
Oh.
Oh! Yeah, yeah, now I see..
...yeah, the nose and the mouth
are definitely pathetic.
And those eyes..
...those are the eyes
of a skeptic.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
‐ Oh, your welcome.
‐ Thank you.
‐ Don't mention.
‐ Thank you.
‐ Don't mention.
‐ Thank you.
Don't mention.
Yes, but the reason I've
traveled all this way..
...I brought you birthday
present from your mother.
Birthday present
from mama?
Here's cookie for you.
[gasping]
A moo koo cookie!
She sent a guy five thousand
miles to bring him a cookie?
Balki Bartokomous..
...in honor of
your 25th birthday..
[speaking in foreign language]
...allow me to present
Kiki Karadopolis..
...your bride to be.
[coughing]
Cousin..
...I got Kiki and Verbos
settled into the hotel.
Oh, good.
And you got Mary Anne flowers.
She was really upset.
That'll make her feel better.
‐ What're you doing?
‐ These are for tomorrow.
The bride has to walk
down an aisle
littered with flower petals.
Whoa, hold it.
What bride?
What littered aisle?
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about
the Karadopolis‐Bartokomous
wedding with reception
immediately following.
I thought we'd put like three
rows of chairs right here..
...and, uh, the altar
over there and..
W‐w‐wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
You mean you're going
through with this.
Cousin, it's a done deal.
The goat has already
been delivered.
Goat?
What goat?
It's the standard,
short‐form
inter‐island
marriage agreement.
I get a bride and Kiki's father
gets a goat.
Now...I thought..
...what I would do
let me just see
'cause these things
are on sale..
...I want to just..
...strew a little bit..
‐ Yeah, uh..
‐ And just get..
Oh, this works good.
And then, I thought
this would be a good place
to put the traditional..
...Myposian..
...bull.
Alright, alright, Balki..
...I've had it
with traditional Myposian bull.
Are you telling me
you're happy
marrying a woman
you don't even know?
Well, cousin,
she seemed very pleasant
on the way to the hotel.
Are you happy marrying a woman
you don't even know?
Cousin, ah, uh, I‐I'm gonna
get to know her.
We have years and years
and years ahead of us.
But are you happy?
‐ Yes, I'm happy.
‐ You're happy?
‐ I'm happy.
‐ You're happy?
‐ I'm happy.
‐ You're happy?
I'm happy!
I'm happy! I'm happy!
No, I'm not happy!
This marriage is gonna change
everything!
I'm gonna have to move out
and get another place to live
and I'll have to get
a second job
and Mary Anne and I
will have to stop dating.
I‐I'd rather have my arms
cut off at the knees
than go through with this.
Okay. Alright.
Good. Good. Good.
I'm glad we got that
out in the open.
Now, tomorrow morning..
...I'll go down to the hotel
and talk to Kiki.
Tell her thanks,
but no thanks
and get them on the next plane
to the Tri‐Island Area.
Cousin, I‐I got to marry Kiki.
What? Wait...why?
We were doing so well
here for a moment.
There was a connection.
‐ It‐it was meaningful.
‐ Yeah, totally.
‐ It was succinct.
‐ I got to..
I‐I got to..
...explain something to you.
You've got to understand this.
First..
...I could never go
against mama's wishes.
And second, if‐if I don't
marry...Kiki..
...she will be disgraced.
No other man
will ever have her.
And she will have to walk
through the streets of Pathos
wearing the scarlet letter.
The scarlet letter.
"R."
For returned.
Balki, isn't there anything
you can do
to get out
of this wedding?
Well, I remember when
Depozipol Epopaloo got out
of his pre‐arranged marriage
to Mitchiboomba.
Well, great!
What did he do?
Well, the ground opened up
and swallowed him.
But..
...cousin, unless we have
an eight point five earthquake
between now and tomorrow..
...I'll be a married man.
[instrumental music]
[instrumental music]
(Lydia)
Let me get this straight.
Balki is marrying someone
he's only known
for 16 hours?
That's right.
Wh‐what‐what is this?
A whirlwind romance?
No, a birthday present.
Wow.
I only got him cologne.
Well, you see,
she came from Pathos, and..
I'll explain it
to her, baby.
Thanks.
Balki, we're almost ready.
What...what is it?
What's wrong?
No, no, y‐y‐you look fine.
Just you look like
you're about to lead
the Charge of the Light Brigade.
It's the sword,
isn't it?
Well, no really
it's everything.
But the sword
is a big part of it.
Well, it's‐it's a traditional
Myposian wedding saber.
Is it a Myposian
cultural symbol
of honor and courage?
No, we use it
on the wedding night
to keep the sheep
off the bed.
Of course, uh..
...listen, uh..
...Balki..
...there's something
I wanna..
...tell you.
Cousin..
...if this is about
the birds and the bees..
...I‐I already know it.
You learn a lot
from watching sheep.
Although if they catch you
watching they come after you.
They‐they come after you.
No, no, it's, uh,
it's nothing like that, I..
...before you go off
to start your new life
I just wanted to say goodbye.
I don't want to
say goodbye.
Oh, please, Balki,
don't make this any harder
than it already is.
You know I‐I have
trouble expressing..
‐ Emotion.
‐ Right.
It's just over
the last three years
you've become my..
‐ Closest...friend.
‐ Right.
And when you showed up
on my doorstep
you just made me..
‐ Feel.
‐ So..
Needed.
You know,
I'm‐I'm really gonna
m‐m‐m..
Miss me.
And I'm going to
miss you too, cousin.
That wasn't so hard
to say.
I guess I really opened up.
[knocking on door]
Larry, that surprise is ready.
Oh.
Balki, I have a..
...wedding present for you.
I called Mypos and had them
get your mama on the phone
so that she could listen
to the wedding ceremony.
Oh, cousin..
...only you would have thought
of a present
as wonderful as that.
Thank you.
Well, I'd better go say,
"Dazu o do yo yay" to mama.
I will pack my things
so that I may leave
after the wedding.
Well, I guess you'll be happy
to get back to Pathos.
I don't think
I'll ever be happy again.
Is something wrong?
I'm in love with Kiki.
Verbos, that's great.
No, it's terrible.
I'm in love
with another man's wife!
Not yet, she's not.
Because, we‐we can still
call off this stupid wedding.
No, we can't call off
this stupid wedding.
What do you mean, we can't
call off this stupid wedding?
You're in love with Kiki!
Yes.
But, she's not in love
with me.
Just tell me if this
headpiece is too tight.
I want to die.
I'll loosen it.
The headpiece is fine.
My life is miserable.
Well, if it makes
you feel any better.
Balki is one
of the finest human beings
on the face of the earth.
I'm sure he is fine.
But, I am in love with Verbos.
Kiki, this is wonderful!
Now, we can call off
this stupid wedding!
No, we can't.
It's too late for me
to tell Verbos
how I feel about him.
But, I don't understand.
Why is it too late
to tell Verbos how you feel?
He may feel
the same way about you.
[sighing]
He doesn't even know
I'm alive.
If I told him how I feel
I would only be rejected
and humiliated
and then I would have
to throw myself
into the ocean halfway home.
Because, there's no way
I'm walking around
with that "R" on my chest.
‐ Mary Anne.
‐ Balki.
Um...Mary Anne,
I want you to know
that even though
I'm marrying Kiki
it will take me..
...years and years
before I can begin
to feel about her the way
I already feel about you.
Mary Anne, I'm so sorry
that you've been hurt.
Maybe it would have been better
if I never come to America.
Oh, Balki, don't say that.
I'm glad you came to America.
If you hadn't,
I never would have met you.
I don't regret a thing...except
maybe this marriage business.
Do you think that
we can still be friends?
Of course,
we can still be friends.
Come on, Mary Anne.
I'll‐I'll get you
a good seat.
I know the groom.
You can sit right up in front.
Uh, I assume
you must be the groom?
‐ I'm Reverend Bacon.
‐ Oh, I'm Balki Bartokomous.
[groaning]
Oh.
Pardon my saber.
Thank you for coming
on such short notice.
You know, usually we have Mooki,
the oldest man on the island
come down from Mt. Mypos
to perform the wedding
but since the trip
would kill him
we decided to go
with someone local.
Well, you're not to worry.
I think I can handle it.
I'm used to performing
strange weddings.
I used to live in California.
Uh, I wrote out the Myposian
wedding vows
for you in English, in case
you're not familiar with them.
‐ What's that word?
‐ Dysentery.
Balki, I think mama
wants to talk to you.
‐ 'Balki.'
‐ Oh!
Dazu, mama.
Oh, oh, ya, l‐lots of staticky.
[speaking in foreign language]
[speaking in foreign language]
Okay. Later, babe.
Cousin.
Cousin, Larry.
Okay, cousin.
This is it.
[sighing]
Balki, do I really
have to do this part?
Cousin, this is, this is one
of the most sacred parts
of the Myposian
wedding ceremony.
The best man
has to give the groom away.
Alright.
Let's get this over with.
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
She's ready.
["Here Comes The Bride"]
[music continues]
(Bacon)
'"We are gathered here today'
"to join together
in holy matrimony
"Balki Bartokomous,
humble sheepherder
"turned big‐city
mailroom executive.
'"And Kiki Karadopolis'
daughter of Attila
and Chi Chi Karadopolis."
Kiki makes a lovely bride,
doesn't she?
Yeah.
Too bad,
she's in love with Verbos.
Yeah.
What?
Unfortunately,
he doesn't know she's alive.
Yes, he does!
He's crazy about her!
That's wonderful! Now, we can
call off this stupid wedding!
"The exchange of rings
"is a symbol of
the marriage relationship
"which lasts forever
and ever and ever..
...and ever."
Do you, Balki Bartokomous
take this woman to be
your lawfully wedded wife?
‐ I‐‐
‐ Stop the ceremony!
The‐the wrong people
are getting married here!
Kiki is in love with Verbos
and Verbos is in love with Kiki.
You love me?
You love me?
You love each other?
That's great!
The wedding's off!
Everybody's happy!
[sobbing]
Am I missing something here?
Should‐shouldn't we all be
doing the Dance Of Joy?
Yes! Of course we should!
Everybody, grab a partner!
Here we go!
♪ Da‐da‐da‐da‐da‐da‐da ♪
Cousin, cousin, cousin.
‐ This don't change anything.
‐ Why not?
Be‐because Mypos tradition says
that I still have to marry Kiki.
The wedding
has to go on as planned.
What is it
with you people?
Kiki and Verbos are in love.
Doesn't that mean anything?
(Mama)
'Balki!'
Nay, mama?
[speaking in foreign language]
M‐mama says that she wants
to call off the wedding!
[cheering]
[speaking in foreign language]
Oh, w‐wait a minute,
there's‐there's bad news.
Uh...Kiki's parents don't
want to give back the goat.
You mean, two people are gonna
have their lives ruined..
Three people are gonna
have their lives ruined..
‐ Four people‐‐
‐ Cousin!
A bunch of people
are gonna have
their lives ruined..
...over a stupid goat?
It's not a stupid goat.
It's Linki. He's gifted.
[speaking in foreign language]
[speaking in foreign language]
Oh. Okay, babe.
You're the boss.
So, what did she say?
She said that, that,
that..."That a deal was made..
"...and a goat was delivered..
...and a marriage
must take place."
‐ Oh!
‐ Oh!
But, she did suggest
one small change.
Yaay!
Sorry.
[instrumental music]
It was a beautiful wedding.
I didn't like the way it began
but I sure
like the way it ended.
Are we still on
for hot chocolate later?
Dead horses
couldn't drag me away.
I'll bring the marshmallows
my little lamb kebab.
‐ Come on, Mary Anne.
‐ Bye.
Well, Balki.
Right about now,
the newlyweds
should be enjoying
the wedding present I gave them.
[sighing]
A night's stay
in the bridal suite
of the Evanston Econo Lodge.
Cousin, thank you.
If it wasn't for you,
I'd be down at the Econo Lodge
right now, eating pork rinds
and watching my pathetic bride
cry her eyes out.
(Mama)
'Balki?'
I forgot about mama!
She's still on the phone?
[speaking in foreign language]
Say goodbye, I'm gonna
have to take out a loan
to pay for this call.
(Mama)
'Balki!'
[speaking in foreign language]
What'd she say?
She says she's not gonna
get off the phone
until we do the Dance Of Joy.
♪ Da‐da‐da‐da‐da‐da‐da‐da ♪
♪ Hey hey hey hey ♪
Bye, babe.
[theme music]
"Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now"]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds
are this time ♪
♪ Nothing's gonna stand
in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder
the wind and haze ♪
♪ I'm bound for better days ♪
♪ It's my life ♪
♪ My dream ♪
♪ And nothing's gonna
stop me now ♪
♪ Happy birthday dear Balki ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
[all cheering]
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.
Now, now, listen..
...I‐I‐I want to
to make an announcement.
This is a very important
birthday for me.
And not even
Cousin Larry knows why?
Because today
not only I turn 25
but according to
Mypos tradition..
...I also
become a man.
Wow, what were you before?
I was 24.
[knocking on door]
I'll get it.
I'm looking
for Balki Bartokomous.
I am Balki Bartokomous.
Come in.
I am Verbos Verazonns..
...from the island of Pathos.
Pathos. From Pathos.
Everybody, he‐he is from Pathos.
Pathos‐Pathos, is the‐is the
island that is the neighbor
of Mypos to the east
and Skeptos is to the west
and all together they form
the Tri‐Island Area.
So you're from Pathos.
It's funny,
you don't look pathetic.
Well, only my father
is from Pathos.
My mother was born
in Skeptos.
Oh.
Oh! Yeah, yeah, now I see..
...yeah, the nose and the mouth
are definitely pathetic.
And those eyes..
...those are the eyes
of a skeptic.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
‐ Oh, your welcome.
‐ Thank you.
‐ Don't mention.
‐ Thank you.
‐ Don't mention.
‐ Thank you.
Don't mention.
Yes, but the reason I've
traveled all this way..
...I brought you birthday
present from your mother.
Birthday present
from mama?
Here's cookie for you.
[gasping]
A moo koo cookie!
She sent a guy five thousand
miles to bring him a cookie?
Balki Bartokomous..
...in honor of
your 25th birthday..
[speaking in foreign language]
...allow me to present
Kiki Karadopolis..
...your bride to be.
[coughing]
Cousin..
...I got Kiki and Verbos
settled into the hotel.
Oh, good.
And you got Mary Anne flowers.
She was really upset.
That'll make her feel better.
‐ What're you doing?
‐ These are for tomorrow.
The bride has to walk
down an aisle
littered with flower petals.
Whoa, hold it.
What bride?
What littered aisle?
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about
the Karadopolis‐Bartokomous
wedding with reception
immediately following.
I thought we'd put like three
rows of chairs right here..
...and, uh, the altar
over there and..
W‐w‐wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
You mean you're going
through with this.
Cousin, it's a done deal.
The goat has already
been delivered.
Goat?
What goat?
It's the standard,
short‐form
inter‐island
marriage agreement.
I get a bride and Kiki's father
gets a goat.
Now...I thought..
...what I would do
let me just see
'cause these things
are on sale..
...I want to just..
...strew a little bit..
‐ Yeah, uh..
‐ And just get..
Oh, this works good.
And then, I thought
this would be a good place
to put the traditional..
...Myposian..
...bull.
Alright, alright, Balki..
...I've had it
with traditional Myposian bull.
Are you telling me
you're happy
marrying a woman
you don't even know?
Well, cousin,
she seemed very pleasant
on the way to the hotel.
Are you happy marrying a woman
you don't even know?
Cousin, ah, uh, I‐I'm gonna
get to know her.
We have years and years
and years ahead of us.
But are you happy?
‐ Yes, I'm happy.
‐ You're happy?
‐ I'm happy.
‐ You're happy?
‐ I'm happy.
‐ You're happy?
I'm happy!
I'm happy! I'm happy!
No, I'm not happy!
This marriage is gonna change
everything!
I'm gonna have to move out
and get another place to live
and I'll have to get
a second job
and Mary Anne and I
will have to stop dating.
I‐I'd rather have my arms
cut off at the knees
than go through with this.
Okay. Alright.
Good. Good. Good.
I'm glad we got that
out in the open.
Now, tomorrow morning..
...I'll go down to the hotel
and talk to Kiki.
Tell her thanks,
but no thanks
and get them on the next plane
to the Tri‐Island Area.
Cousin, I‐I got to marry Kiki.
What? Wait...why?
We were doing so well
here for a moment.
There was a connection.
‐ It‐it was meaningful.
‐ Yeah, totally.
‐ It was succinct.
‐ I got to..
I‐I got to..
...explain something to you.
You've got to understand this.
First..
...I could never go
against mama's wishes.
And second, if‐if I don't
marry...Kiki..
...she will be disgraced.
No other man
will ever have her.
And she will have to walk
through the streets of Pathos
wearing the scarlet letter.
The scarlet letter.
"R."
For returned.
Balki, isn't there anything
you can do
to get out
of this wedding?
Well, I remember when
Depozipol Epopaloo got out
of his pre‐arranged marriage
to Mitchiboomba.
Well, great!
What did he do?
Well, the ground opened up
and swallowed him.
But..
...cousin, unless we have
an eight point five earthquake
between now and tomorrow..
...I'll be a married man.
[instrumental music]
[instrumental music]
(Lydia)
Let me get this straight.
Balki is marrying someone
he's only known
for 16 hours?
That's right.
Wh‐what‐what is this?
A whirlwind romance?
No, a birthday present.
Wow.
I only got him cologne.
Well, you see,
she came from Pathos, and..
I'll explain it
to her, baby.
Thanks.
Balki, we're almost ready.
What...what is it?
What's wrong?
No, no, y‐y‐you look fine.
Just you look like
you're about to lead
the Charge of the Light Brigade.
It's the sword,
isn't it?
Well, no really
it's everything.
But the sword
is a big part of it.
Well, it's‐it's a traditional
Myposian wedding saber.
Is it a Myposian
cultural symbol
of honor and courage?
No, we use it
on the wedding night
to keep the sheep
off the bed.
Of course, uh..
...listen, uh..
...Balki..
...there's something
I wanna..
...tell you.
Cousin..
...if this is about
the birds and the bees..
...I‐I already know it.
You learn a lot
from watching sheep.
Although if they catch you
watching they come after you.
They‐they come after you.
No, no, it's, uh,
it's nothing like that, I..
...before you go off
to start your new life
I just wanted to say goodbye.
I don't want to
say goodbye.
Oh, please, Balki,
don't make this any harder
than it already is.
You know I‐I have
trouble expressing..
‐ Emotion.
‐ Right.
It's just over
the last three years
you've become my..
‐ Closest...friend.
‐ Right.
And when you showed up
on my doorstep
you just made me..
‐ Feel.
‐ So..
Needed.
You know,
I'm‐I'm really gonna
m‐m‐m..
Miss me.
And I'm going to
miss you too, cousin.
That wasn't so hard
to say.
I guess I really opened up.
[knocking on door]
Larry, that surprise is ready.
Oh.
Balki, I have a..
...wedding present for you.
I called Mypos and had them
get your mama on the phone
so that she could listen
to the wedding ceremony.
Oh, cousin..
...only you would have thought
of a present
as wonderful as that.
Thank you.
Well, I'd better go say,
"Dazu o do yo yay" to mama.
I will pack my things
so that I may leave
after the wedding.
Well, I guess you'll be happy
to get back to Pathos.
I don't think
I'll ever be happy again.
Is something wrong?
I'm in love with Kiki.
Verbos, that's great.
No, it's terrible.
I'm in love
with another man's wife!
Not yet, she's not.
Because, we‐we can still
call off this stupid wedding.
No, we can't call off
this stupid wedding.
What do you mean, we can't
call off this stupid wedding?
You're in love with Kiki!
Yes.
But, she's not in love
with me.
Just tell me if this
headpiece is too tight.
I want to die.
I'll loosen it.
The headpiece is fine.
My life is miserable.
Well, if it makes
you feel any better.
Balki is one
of the finest human beings
on the face of the earth.
I'm sure he is fine.
But, I am in love with Verbos.
Kiki, this is wonderful!
Now, we can call off
this stupid wedding!
No, we can't.
It's too late for me
to tell Verbos
how I feel about him.
But, I don't understand.
Why is it too late
to tell Verbos how you feel?
He may feel
the same way about you.
[sighing]
He doesn't even know
I'm alive.
If I told him how I feel
I would only be rejected
and humiliated
and then I would have
to throw myself
into the ocean halfway home.
Because, there's no way
I'm walking around
with that "R" on my chest.
‐ Mary Anne.
‐ Balki.
Um...Mary Anne,
I want you to know
that even though
I'm marrying Kiki
it will take me..
...years and years
before I can begin
to feel about her the way
I already feel about you.
Mary Anne, I'm so sorry
that you've been hurt.
Maybe it would have been better
if I never come to America.
Oh, Balki, don't say that.
I'm glad you came to America.
If you hadn't,
I never would have met you.
I don't regret a thing...except
maybe this marriage business.
Do you think that
we can still be friends?
Of course,
we can still be friends.
Come on, Mary Anne.
I'll‐I'll get you
a good seat.
I know the groom.
You can sit right up in front.
Uh, I assume
you must be the groom?
‐ I'm Reverend Bacon.
‐ Oh, I'm Balki Bartokomous.
[groaning]
Oh.
Pardon my saber.
Thank you for coming
on such short notice.
You know, usually we have Mooki,
the oldest man on the island
come down from Mt. Mypos
to perform the wedding
but since the trip
would kill him
we decided to go
with someone local.
Well, you're not to worry.
I think I can handle it.
I'm used to performing
strange weddings.
I used to live in California.
Uh, I wrote out the Myposian
wedding vows
for you in English, in case
you're not familiar with them.
‐ What's that word?
‐ Dysentery.
Balki, I think mama
wants to talk to you.
‐ 'Balki.'
‐ Oh!
Dazu, mama.
Oh, oh, ya, l‐lots of staticky.
[speaking in foreign language]
[speaking in foreign language]
Okay. Later, babe.
Cousin.
Cousin, Larry.
Okay, cousin.
This is it.
[sighing]
Balki, do I really
have to do this part?
Cousin, this is, this is one
of the most sacred parts
of the Myposian
wedding ceremony.
The best man
has to give the groom away.
Alright.
Let's get this over with.
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
She's ready.
["Here Comes The Bride"]
[music continues]
(Bacon)
'"We are gathered here today'
"to join together
in holy matrimony
"Balki Bartokomous,
humble sheepherder
"turned big‐city
mailroom executive.
'"And Kiki Karadopolis'
daughter of Attila
and Chi Chi Karadopolis."
Kiki makes a lovely bride,
doesn't she?
Yeah.
Too bad,
she's in love with Verbos.
Yeah.
What?
Unfortunately,
he doesn't know she's alive.
Yes, he does!
He's crazy about her!
That's wonderful! Now, we can
call off this stupid wedding!
"The exchange of rings
"is a symbol of
the marriage relationship
"which lasts forever
and ever and ever..
...and ever."
Do you, Balki Bartokomous
take this woman to be
your lawfully wedded wife?
‐ I‐‐
‐ Stop the ceremony!
The‐the wrong people
are getting married here!
Kiki is in love with Verbos
and Verbos is in love with Kiki.
You love me?
You love me?
You love each other?
That's great!
The wedding's off!
Everybody's happy!
[sobbing]
Am I missing something here?
Should‐shouldn't we all be
doing the Dance Of Joy?
Yes! Of course we should!
Everybody, grab a partner!
Here we go!
♪ Da‐da‐da‐da‐da‐da‐da ♪
Cousin, cousin, cousin.
‐ This don't change anything.
‐ Why not?
Be‐because Mypos tradition says
that I still have to marry Kiki.
The wedding
has to go on as planned.
What is it
with you people?
Kiki and Verbos are in love.
Doesn't that mean anything?
(Mama)
'Balki!'
Nay, mama?
[speaking in foreign language]
M‐mama says that she wants
to call off the wedding!
[cheering]
[speaking in foreign language]
Oh, w‐wait a minute,
there's‐there's bad news.
Uh...Kiki's parents don't
want to give back the goat.
You mean, two people are gonna
have their lives ruined..
Three people are gonna
have their lives ruined..
‐ Four people‐‐
‐ Cousin!
A bunch of people
are gonna have
their lives ruined..
...over a stupid goat?
It's not a stupid goat.
It's Linki. He's gifted.
[speaking in foreign language]
[speaking in foreign language]
Oh. Okay, babe.
You're the boss.
So, what did she say?
She said that, that,
that..."That a deal was made..
"...and a goat was delivered..
...and a marriage
must take place."
‐ Oh!
‐ Oh!
But, she did suggest
one small change.
Yaay!
Sorry.
[instrumental music]
It was a beautiful wedding.
I didn't like the way it began
but I sure
like the way it ended.
Are we still on
for hot chocolate later?
Dead horses
couldn't drag me away.
I'll bring the marshmallows
my little lamb kebab.
‐ Come on, Mary Anne.
‐ Bye.
Well, Balki.
Right about now,
the newlyweds
should be enjoying
the wedding present I gave them.
[sighing]
A night's stay
in the bridal suite
of the Evanston Econo Lodge.
Cousin, thank you.
If it wasn't for you,
I'd be down at the Econo Lodge
right now, eating pork rinds
and watching my pathetic bride
cry her eyes out.
(Mama)
'Balki?'
I forgot about mama!
She's still on the phone?
[speaking in foreign language]
Say goodbye, I'm gonna
have to take out a loan
to pay for this call.
(Mama)
'Balki!'
[speaking in foreign language]
What'd she say?
She says she's not gonna
get off the phone
until we do the Dance Of Joy.
♪ Da‐da‐da‐da‐da‐da‐da‐da ♪
♪ Hey hey hey hey ♪
Bye, babe.
[theme music]