Perfect Strangers (1986–1993): Season 4, Episode 20 - Seven Card Studs - full transcript
Larry learns that Mr. Gorpley won Balki's money in poker by cheating and tries to take him down and get Balki's money back.
[David Pomeranz performing
"Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now"]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds
are this time ♪
♪ Nothing's going to stand
in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder
The wind and haze ♪
♪ I'm bound for better days ♪
♪ It's my life and my dream ♪
♪ And nothing's going
to stop me now ♪
[instrumental music]
Balki?
Hi, cousin.
Are you just getting home?
Well, yes..
Buh‐bye.
'Balki?'
Were you working all night?
Well. No.
We were...playing poker.
Buh‐bye.
W‐w‐wait a minute, wait
a minute. Woah, woah, woah.
You were playing poker?
[inhaling]
[laughing]
Yeah.
Funny, funny thing. Um..
I wasn't really
even supposed to play, but..
...but one of the regular
players in‐in Mr. Gorpley's game
was sick and‐and Mr. Gorpley
graciously allowed me to sit in.
How much money did you lose?
[sobbing]
Oh, cousin..
What?
[indistinct]
What?
Oh, cousin, I lost $100.
You lost $100!
Cousin, don't yell at me,
I'm feeling...quite vulnerable.
I..
I lost $100.
Balki! Do‐bu‐it's alright.
‐ I'm not mad at you.
‐ You yelled at me.
I am mad at Mr. Gorpley!
I can't can't believe
he took advantage of you.
Well, cousin,
don't get mad at Mr. Gorpley.
It wasn't his fault.
He‐he was trying to help me.
He sat down right next to me
so he could help me
by looking at my cards.
Looking at your cards
is against the rules.
‐ It is?
‐ Yes, it is.
Well, I'll be snookered.
I...I‐I was wondering
why he wouldn't let me
look at his cards.
You think that's why I lost
each and every hand?
Yes, yes I think so.
Cousin, you think
if I go to Mr. Gorpley
and ask him real nice..
...he'd give me my money back?
[scoffing]
Balki, you're dreaming
I am?
Well, you mean
I didn't play poker all night
and I didn't lose $100?
Cousin..
...it seemed so real.
Balki, it is real.
What I mean is that Gorpley
is a serious card player.
The only way
to get your money back
is to beat him
at his own game.
Well, cousin, I'd...I'd love
to get my money back.
In fact, losing the $100
was the only part of the game
I‐I didn't enjoy.
Other than that
it was really a great way
to experience male bondage.
Bonding.
Male bonding.
Bonding.
[instrumental music]
Balki?
Would you come out here please?
Did I catch you at a bad time?
No.
I was just wondering
why you're wearing
your bullet hat.
Oh! Uh..
I figured out a way to make back
that $100 that I lost.
I'm going to hire myself out
on weekends
as a human cannonball.
Balki, forget about that.
It won't be necessary.
I told Gorpley we'd play in his
poker game tomorrow night.
I'm going to win
your money back.
Really, cousin?
But‐but you got to be careful.
Mr. Gorpley
is quite the aardvark.
Perhaps you mean..
...card shark?
But, Balki, I happen to be..
...a great poker player.
In the poker world, I was known
as Smooth Larry Appleton.
Well, in the goat‐milking world
I was known as Cool Hand Balki.
Are you going to pay
attention now?
Yes, I‐I am.
I am going to...focus.
First thing I have to do
is teach you how to play poker.
I've written down
a few simple rules
so you'll know
how to play your cards.
As you can see,
two pair beat one pair..
...three of a kind beat
two pair, a full house
which is three of a kind
and a pair beat three of a kind
and four of a kind
beat a full house.
Any questions?
Wow!
You‐you make it all
seem so complicated.
All Mr. Gorpley did was..
...deal me five cards and
we both look at them and..
...he take my money.
Well, this is gonna be
different. Sit down, Balki.
This time..
...we are going to take
Gorpley's money.
Now..
It is very important..
...that nobody know..
...what the cards
in your hand are.
Alright?
Watch me first.
I'm picking up my cards.
They may be good.
They may be bad.
I am looking at my cards.
What do you see on my face?
There's a tiny little bit
of ketchup right there.
‐ And also a‐‐
‐ Alright, that's enough.
That's enough.
What I mean is..
...your face should not reveal
anything about
the cards in your hand.
That is called having
a poker face. A poker face.
Oh, well, that's a relief!
I thought it meant being hit
in the face with a poker.
[no audio]
Do you want me to win
your money back?
‐ Yes, I do. Yes I do.
‐ Do you? Oh, you do?
‐ Alright, then. Pay attention!
‐ Okay! Okay.
Alright.
Look at your cards.
Remember!
Your face
should not reveal anything
about the cards in your hand.
[gasping]
Good hand?
How did you know?
Balki...I don't want to take up
your whole night
teaching you how to play poker.
No, cousin, I want to know
how to play poker!
‐ Please, cousin!
‐ Alright, alright, alright!
I'll teach you later,
but first..
...we are going to go
over the plan.
‐ There's a plan?
‐ Yes!
‐ Oh, golly!
‐ Oh..
There...there goes all the fun.
Balki, tomorrow night
we play Gorpley.
First, we're going to lose
a few hands on purpose
so he'll think
I'm a beginner too.
Then I'll suggest
that we pool our money
and I play for both of us.
When he agrees to that,
just leave everything to me.
And I'll win your money back.
Thank you, cousin.
But are you sure you
can beat Mr. Gorpley?
Balki..
You are talking
to Smooth Larry Appleton.
I can beat anybody!
There is magic in these hands.
[instrumental music]
Here's your two.
Dealer takes three.
I'd say these were
worth five bucks.
Andre?
‐ Walt?
‐ I'm out.
Up to you, Bartokomous.
Are ya in?
Woah.
Woah!
Woah!
‐ Am I in?
‐ Balki.
I got nothing.
How 'bout you, Appleton?
Oh...alright, I'm in.
Read 'em and weep.
Pair of threes.
Woah.
Tough hand.
Pair of sixes.
Pair of sixes?
[laughing]
Well, of all the luck.
Cousin, you and me
must be the two
worst poker players
in the whole world!
In fact..
...I doubt if in the whole
history of card playing
there has ever been two more
rank‐smelling amateurs.
‐ Oh, say. I have an idea.
‐ You do?
Why, yes I do.
Well, I didn't plan
on this but..
...what if Balki and I
pool our money
so that just one of us plays?
And then if we raise the stakes
we might have a better chance
of winning our money back.
Cousin, that's a great plan!
Even though it's not a plan
but something
you just now thought of..
You want to raise the stakes?
[laughing]
Only if it's okay with you.
Hey, Sam,
these guys are just beginners.
Come on, it doesn't seem fair.
You want fair?
Go coach Little League.
Okay.
No limit.
Which one of you is gonna play?
‐ Well, see, uh, if..
‐ Well, you know, I‐I..
[indistinct chatter]
(both)
What was the question?
Which one of you
is going to play?
‐ Oh! I will.
‐ Oh, he will.
We've decided that,
Cousin Larry is going to play
even thought
that wasn't the plan, but
something we just now
thought of.
Now, what do you say,
we play some real poker?
[instrumental music]
[instrumental music]
Okay,
I'll see your five.
And raise you 20.
Andre?
Walt?
Hah.
‐ Fold, cousin.
‐ Balki.
Fold! Spindle! Mutilate!
Just don't lose
anymore of our money!
I am trying to play poker.
I'll see your 20..
...and raise you another 20.
[exhaling]
Okay.
I call.
What do you got?
Three jacks.
Beat 'em.
Okay, three kings.
Cousin, I got to talk to you
privately, excuse us!
I'll be back.
Cousin, remember that plan
where smooth Larry Appleton
was supposed to win back
my $100?
Well, I can't help but notice
that‐that we are
that we are down
to our last $20.
Now, when does the smooth plan
kick in?
Everything's working perfectly.
Gorpley thinks he's winning.
Well, what a coincidence,
I think he's winning too.
I am in total control
of this situation.
Now gimme
the rest of your money.
I don't think so.
I keep giving you money, and you
keep giving it to Mr. Gorpley.
I could do that!
Balki, your money is safe
with me, now hand it over.
Cousin..
...this is my last $20.
It's my mad money.
If you lose it,
I'm gonna be real mad.
Thanks.
Trust me.
Okay.
I'm in.
Guys, guys, guys.
Why don't you just give me
your last 20 bucks and go home?
You can't beat me.
I've been playing poker
since I was in high school.
They used to call me,
Slick Sam Gorpley.
Cousin, let's get out of here,
he's got a better nickname.
Balki.
‐ I can take him.
‐ Okay.
‐ I can do it!
‐ Okay.
Why don't you go see a movie?
I'd love to,
but you have all my money.
Gimme another $20 in chips.
[scoffing]
Larry, I was afraid
I'd find you here.
Jennifer.
Wow, who's the blonde?
Appleton's girlfriend.
Why I'll never know.
Larry, could I talk to you
for a minute please?
Not now. It's my deal.
‐ Balki, we have to talk.
‐ Yeah, okay.
Balki, we have to get Larry
out of here.
Well, tell me something
I don't know.
How is he doing?
Well, he says he's doing great
but Mr. Gorpley
has all of our money.
If we don't get Larry
out of here right now
he'll start writing IOU's.
He'll bet his car,
he'll bet everything he owns!
I'll raise you $20.
But, how can that be?
He's supposed to be
Smooth Larry Appleton.
He was Smooth Larry Appleton
years ago.
But that's before
he got the fever.
'It got so bad,
he finally vowed to quit'
and never pick up
the cards again.
I told him not to take
this chance, but, Balki
he said he had to do it for you.
But, but, but..
...do you think
he has any control left?
Alright, here's your 20.
And I'll throw in the blonde.
Apparently not.
Come on, Jennifer, we've got
to get him out of here.
‐ Cousin, come on. we're gett‐
‐ Balki.
I'm not going anywhere.
Larry, please, you know you've
got the fever, you can't win!
Cousin, I'm sorry,
but this is for your own good.
‐ Now, come on!
‐ No! No! No!
No! No! No!
Mr. Gorpley, tell him
that the game is over.
Please, you have to let us take
him home. He's lost control.
He's got $20 on the table.
Yeah,
and not to mention the blonde.
I'm not on the table!
Oh, then I'm out.
‐ And, Balki.
‐ What?
‐ Put me down!
‐ No! Cou‐‐
‐ Put me down!
‐ No!
Put me down! Put me down!
Put me down now!
Alright,
if you think it'll help.
You're short, you dress funny
and you walk like a duck!
Oh...oh..
No, no, no.
‐ Set me down.
‐ Okay.
Pair of eights.
Pair of jacks.
You lose again, Appleton.
[laughing]
Alright, Gorpley,
what do ya say?
One more hand
for the whole ball of wax.
No, cousin!
You can't bet my ball of wax!
I've been collecting it
for years!
Okay. I'll play
one more hand with you.
But what are you gonna bet with?
I'll bet..
...next week's paycheck..
...against everything
we lost tonight..
...plus the hundred Balki lost.
Ooh, you are
a serious card player.
Cousin, cousin,
it's your paycheck!
Don't worry, Balki.
I'm not gonna lose.
I'll take three.
And I'll take...one.
I'll tell you what?
Let's, uh...sweeten the pot.
I'll raise you..
...my car.
‐ No, cousin, don't do that!
‐ Balki.
Cousin, you don't have
a pair of anything!
Balki!
Gee, I got a feeling
you're bluffing.
[laughing]
You wanna bet cars?
I call.
What you got?
Full house!
Kings and Aces.
[laughing]
Uh, you can just leave your car
here and take the bus home.
It'll be a nice lesson
in humility.
Oh, not so quick, slick.
When I sat down you thought
you had a pigeon
you could take to the cleaners.
Cousin, cut through
the metaphors!
I don't know what you're talking
about and I'm dying to know
if we've won or lost!
He thought I didn't know
how to play
and that he could take
everything I had
Oh.
Then when you overheard Jennifer
say that I was out of control..
...you thought it was Christmas.
‐ Cousin‐‐
‐ He thought he could our money.
Well, it was all a trap
and you walked right into it.
The blonde was in on it?
I have a name.
You have a phone number?
Walt, shut up.
Balki's right, I don't have
a pair of anything.
I got a straight flush.
You lose, Gorpley.
Oh!
I can't believe I lost my car.
Well..
...I don't want your car.
I just came to win back
what...Balki lost.
Nice gesture, cousin..
...but those are your car keys.
[instrumental music]
(Balki)
'Cousin?'
You mean to tell me
that Jennifer..
...knew that you were pretending
to be out of control
the whole time?
Yes, she did.
Cousin, why you didn't tell me
what you were going to do?
I was really worried,
I spent the whole evening
on an emotional roller derby.
I'm sorry, Balki,
but‐but I had no choice.
I knew you couldn't
keep my secret.
You're just not
a devious person.
Well, I'm sorry,
we all have our shortcomings.
No, no, Balki. That‐that's
a good thing in life.
Oh, uh..
Here's your $100.
Thanks, cousin.
Thank you,
for wining my money back.
I think you would have done
the same for me.
You know I would.
You know, cousin,
this has been quite a week.
Mr. Gorpley fooled me.
You fooled me.
Jennifer fooled me.
I'm beginning to think..
...I'm...easily fooled.
You? You? No!
N‐no, Balki.
You are not easily fooled.
Really?
Well, thank you,
that's a load off my mind.
Oh...what's that?
[instrumental music]
What's what?
What's that?
What's what?
What‐what's that?
What?
[music continues]
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
"Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now"]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds
are this time ♪
♪ Nothing's going to stand
in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street
a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ The rain and thunder
The wind and haze ♪
♪ I'm bound for better days ♪
♪ It's my life and my dream ♪
♪ And nothing's going
to stop me now ♪
[instrumental music]
Balki?
Hi, cousin.
Are you just getting home?
Well, yes..
Buh‐bye.
'Balki?'
Were you working all night?
Well. No.
We were...playing poker.
Buh‐bye.
W‐w‐wait a minute, wait
a minute. Woah, woah, woah.
You were playing poker?
[inhaling]
[laughing]
Yeah.
Funny, funny thing. Um..
I wasn't really
even supposed to play, but..
...but one of the regular
players in‐in Mr. Gorpley's game
was sick and‐and Mr. Gorpley
graciously allowed me to sit in.
How much money did you lose?
[sobbing]
Oh, cousin..
What?
[indistinct]
What?
Oh, cousin, I lost $100.
You lost $100!
Cousin, don't yell at me,
I'm feeling...quite vulnerable.
I..
I lost $100.
Balki! Do‐bu‐it's alright.
‐ I'm not mad at you.
‐ You yelled at me.
I am mad at Mr. Gorpley!
I can't can't believe
he took advantage of you.
Well, cousin,
don't get mad at Mr. Gorpley.
It wasn't his fault.
He‐he was trying to help me.
He sat down right next to me
so he could help me
by looking at my cards.
Looking at your cards
is against the rules.
‐ It is?
‐ Yes, it is.
Well, I'll be snookered.
I...I‐I was wondering
why he wouldn't let me
look at his cards.
You think that's why I lost
each and every hand?
Yes, yes I think so.
Cousin, you think
if I go to Mr. Gorpley
and ask him real nice..
...he'd give me my money back?
[scoffing]
Balki, you're dreaming
I am?
Well, you mean
I didn't play poker all night
and I didn't lose $100?
Cousin..
...it seemed so real.
Balki, it is real.
What I mean is that Gorpley
is a serious card player.
The only way
to get your money back
is to beat him
at his own game.
Well, cousin, I'd...I'd love
to get my money back.
In fact, losing the $100
was the only part of the game
I‐I didn't enjoy.
Other than that
it was really a great way
to experience male bondage.
Bonding.
Male bonding.
Bonding.
[instrumental music]
Balki?
Would you come out here please?
Did I catch you at a bad time?
No.
I was just wondering
why you're wearing
your bullet hat.
Oh! Uh..
I figured out a way to make back
that $100 that I lost.
I'm going to hire myself out
on weekends
as a human cannonball.
Balki, forget about that.
It won't be necessary.
I told Gorpley we'd play in his
poker game tomorrow night.
I'm going to win
your money back.
Really, cousin?
But‐but you got to be careful.
Mr. Gorpley
is quite the aardvark.
Perhaps you mean..
...card shark?
But, Balki, I happen to be..
...a great poker player.
In the poker world, I was known
as Smooth Larry Appleton.
Well, in the goat‐milking world
I was known as Cool Hand Balki.
Are you going to pay
attention now?
Yes, I‐I am.
I am going to...focus.
First thing I have to do
is teach you how to play poker.
I've written down
a few simple rules
so you'll know
how to play your cards.
As you can see,
two pair beat one pair..
...three of a kind beat
two pair, a full house
which is three of a kind
and a pair beat three of a kind
and four of a kind
beat a full house.
Any questions?
Wow!
You‐you make it all
seem so complicated.
All Mr. Gorpley did was..
...deal me five cards and
we both look at them and..
...he take my money.
Well, this is gonna be
different. Sit down, Balki.
This time..
...we are going to take
Gorpley's money.
Now..
It is very important..
...that nobody know..
...what the cards
in your hand are.
Alright?
Watch me first.
I'm picking up my cards.
They may be good.
They may be bad.
I am looking at my cards.
What do you see on my face?
There's a tiny little bit
of ketchup right there.
‐ And also a‐‐
‐ Alright, that's enough.
That's enough.
What I mean is..
...your face should not reveal
anything about
the cards in your hand.
That is called having
a poker face. A poker face.
Oh, well, that's a relief!
I thought it meant being hit
in the face with a poker.
[no audio]
Do you want me to win
your money back?
‐ Yes, I do. Yes I do.
‐ Do you? Oh, you do?
‐ Alright, then. Pay attention!
‐ Okay! Okay.
Alright.
Look at your cards.
Remember!
Your face
should not reveal anything
about the cards in your hand.
[gasping]
Good hand?
How did you know?
Balki...I don't want to take up
your whole night
teaching you how to play poker.
No, cousin, I want to know
how to play poker!
‐ Please, cousin!
‐ Alright, alright, alright!
I'll teach you later,
but first..
...we are going to go
over the plan.
‐ There's a plan?
‐ Yes!
‐ Oh, golly!
‐ Oh..
There...there goes all the fun.
Balki, tomorrow night
we play Gorpley.
First, we're going to lose
a few hands on purpose
so he'll think
I'm a beginner too.
Then I'll suggest
that we pool our money
and I play for both of us.
When he agrees to that,
just leave everything to me.
And I'll win your money back.
Thank you, cousin.
But are you sure you
can beat Mr. Gorpley?
Balki..
You are talking
to Smooth Larry Appleton.
I can beat anybody!
There is magic in these hands.
[instrumental music]
Here's your two.
Dealer takes three.
I'd say these were
worth five bucks.
Andre?
‐ Walt?
‐ I'm out.
Up to you, Bartokomous.
Are ya in?
Woah.
Woah!
Woah!
‐ Am I in?
‐ Balki.
I got nothing.
How 'bout you, Appleton?
Oh...alright, I'm in.
Read 'em and weep.
Pair of threes.
Woah.
Tough hand.
Pair of sixes.
Pair of sixes?
[laughing]
Well, of all the luck.
Cousin, you and me
must be the two
worst poker players
in the whole world!
In fact..
...I doubt if in the whole
history of card playing
there has ever been two more
rank‐smelling amateurs.
‐ Oh, say. I have an idea.
‐ You do?
Why, yes I do.
Well, I didn't plan
on this but..
...what if Balki and I
pool our money
so that just one of us plays?
And then if we raise the stakes
we might have a better chance
of winning our money back.
Cousin, that's a great plan!
Even though it's not a plan
but something
you just now thought of..
You want to raise the stakes?
[laughing]
Only if it's okay with you.
Hey, Sam,
these guys are just beginners.
Come on, it doesn't seem fair.
You want fair?
Go coach Little League.
Okay.
No limit.
Which one of you is gonna play?
‐ Well, see, uh, if..
‐ Well, you know, I‐I..
[indistinct chatter]
(both)
What was the question?
Which one of you
is going to play?
‐ Oh! I will.
‐ Oh, he will.
We've decided that,
Cousin Larry is going to play
even thought
that wasn't the plan, but
something we just now
thought of.
Now, what do you say,
we play some real poker?
[instrumental music]
[instrumental music]
Okay,
I'll see your five.
And raise you 20.
Andre?
Walt?
Hah.
‐ Fold, cousin.
‐ Balki.
Fold! Spindle! Mutilate!
Just don't lose
anymore of our money!
I am trying to play poker.
I'll see your 20..
...and raise you another 20.
[exhaling]
Okay.
I call.
What do you got?
Three jacks.
Beat 'em.
Okay, three kings.
Cousin, I got to talk to you
privately, excuse us!
I'll be back.
Cousin, remember that plan
where smooth Larry Appleton
was supposed to win back
my $100?
Well, I can't help but notice
that‐that we are
that we are down
to our last $20.
Now, when does the smooth plan
kick in?
Everything's working perfectly.
Gorpley thinks he's winning.
Well, what a coincidence,
I think he's winning too.
I am in total control
of this situation.
Now gimme
the rest of your money.
I don't think so.
I keep giving you money, and you
keep giving it to Mr. Gorpley.
I could do that!
Balki, your money is safe
with me, now hand it over.
Cousin..
...this is my last $20.
It's my mad money.
If you lose it,
I'm gonna be real mad.
Thanks.
Trust me.
Okay.
I'm in.
Guys, guys, guys.
Why don't you just give me
your last 20 bucks and go home?
You can't beat me.
I've been playing poker
since I was in high school.
They used to call me,
Slick Sam Gorpley.
Cousin, let's get out of here,
he's got a better nickname.
Balki.
‐ I can take him.
‐ Okay.
‐ I can do it!
‐ Okay.
Why don't you go see a movie?
I'd love to,
but you have all my money.
Gimme another $20 in chips.
[scoffing]
Larry, I was afraid
I'd find you here.
Jennifer.
Wow, who's the blonde?
Appleton's girlfriend.
Why I'll never know.
Larry, could I talk to you
for a minute please?
Not now. It's my deal.
‐ Balki, we have to talk.
‐ Yeah, okay.
Balki, we have to get Larry
out of here.
Well, tell me something
I don't know.
How is he doing?
Well, he says he's doing great
but Mr. Gorpley
has all of our money.
If we don't get Larry
out of here right now
he'll start writing IOU's.
He'll bet his car,
he'll bet everything he owns!
I'll raise you $20.
But, how can that be?
He's supposed to be
Smooth Larry Appleton.
He was Smooth Larry Appleton
years ago.
But that's before
he got the fever.
'It got so bad,
he finally vowed to quit'
and never pick up
the cards again.
I told him not to take
this chance, but, Balki
he said he had to do it for you.
But, but, but..
...do you think
he has any control left?
Alright, here's your 20.
And I'll throw in the blonde.
Apparently not.
Come on, Jennifer, we've got
to get him out of here.
‐ Cousin, come on. we're gett‐
‐ Balki.
I'm not going anywhere.
Larry, please, you know you've
got the fever, you can't win!
Cousin, I'm sorry,
but this is for your own good.
‐ Now, come on!
‐ No! No! No!
No! No! No!
Mr. Gorpley, tell him
that the game is over.
Please, you have to let us take
him home. He's lost control.
He's got $20 on the table.
Yeah,
and not to mention the blonde.
I'm not on the table!
Oh, then I'm out.
‐ And, Balki.
‐ What?
‐ Put me down!
‐ No! Cou‐‐
‐ Put me down!
‐ No!
Put me down! Put me down!
Put me down now!
Alright,
if you think it'll help.
You're short, you dress funny
and you walk like a duck!
Oh...oh..
No, no, no.
‐ Set me down.
‐ Okay.
Pair of eights.
Pair of jacks.
You lose again, Appleton.
[laughing]
Alright, Gorpley,
what do ya say?
One more hand
for the whole ball of wax.
No, cousin!
You can't bet my ball of wax!
I've been collecting it
for years!
Okay. I'll play
one more hand with you.
But what are you gonna bet with?
I'll bet..
...next week's paycheck..
...against everything
we lost tonight..
...plus the hundred Balki lost.
Ooh, you are
a serious card player.
Cousin, cousin,
it's your paycheck!
Don't worry, Balki.
I'm not gonna lose.
I'll take three.
And I'll take...one.
I'll tell you what?
Let's, uh...sweeten the pot.
I'll raise you..
...my car.
‐ No, cousin, don't do that!
‐ Balki.
Cousin, you don't have
a pair of anything!
Balki!
Gee, I got a feeling
you're bluffing.
[laughing]
You wanna bet cars?
I call.
What you got?
Full house!
Kings and Aces.
[laughing]
Uh, you can just leave your car
here and take the bus home.
It'll be a nice lesson
in humility.
Oh, not so quick, slick.
When I sat down you thought
you had a pigeon
you could take to the cleaners.
Cousin, cut through
the metaphors!
I don't know what you're talking
about and I'm dying to know
if we've won or lost!
He thought I didn't know
how to play
and that he could take
everything I had
Oh.
Then when you overheard Jennifer
say that I was out of control..
...you thought it was Christmas.
‐ Cousin‐‐
‐ He thought he could our money.
Well, it was all a trap
and you walked right into it.
The blonde was in on it?
I have a name.
You have a phone number?
Walt, shut up.
Balki's right, I don't have
a pair of anything.
I got a straight flush.
You lose, Gorpley.
Oh!
I can't believe I lost my car.
Well..
...I don't want your car.
I just came to win back
what...Balki lost.
Nice gesture, cousin..
...but those are your car keys.
[instrumental music]
(Balki)
'Cousin?'
You mean to tell me
that Jennifer..
...knew that you were pretending
to be out of control
the whole time?
Yes, she did.
Cousin, why you didn't tell me
what you were going to do?
I was really worried,
I spent the whole evening
on an emotional roller derby.
I'm sorry, Balki,
but‐but I had no choice.
I knew you couldn't
keep my secret.
You're just not
a devious person.
Well, I'm sorry,
we all have our shortcomings.
No, no, Balki. That‐that's
a good thing in life.
Oh, uh..
Here's your $100.
Thanks, cousin.
Thank you,
for wining my money back.
I think you would have done
the same for me.
You know I would.
You know, cousin,
this has been quite a week.
Mr. Gorpley fooled me.
You fooled me.
Jennifer fooled me.
I'm beginning to think..
...I'm...easily fooled.
You? You? No!
N‐no, Balki.
You are not easily fooled.
Really?
Well, thank you,
that's a load off my mind.
Oh...what's that?
[instrumental music]
What's what?
What's that?
What's what?
What‐what's that?
What?
[music continues]
[instrumental music]
[theme music]