Perfect Strangers (1986–1993): Season 4, Episode 15 - Blind Alley - full transcript
Larry is leading a team of players who work at the paper against a team led by Gorpley in a bowling competition. And Larry thinks they have a good chance to win. That is until Gorpley sends the team's star player out of town when the final will be. Larry needs to find a replacement. Balki incorporates a game from his country and does well, so Larry makes him part of the team. And he is sure they can win, that is until Balki shows up for the game having just come from the eye doctor who placed medication in his eyes which impairs his vision.
[David Pomeranz performing
"Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now"]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just ♪
♪ Get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds
are this time ♪
♪ Nothing's gonna
stand in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street ♪
♪ A light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Through the rain and thunder ♪
♪ The wind and haze ♪
♪ I'm bound for better days ♪
♪ It's my life ♪
♪ My dream ♪
♪ And nothing's
gonna stop me now ♪
Alright, Harriet,
after last night's thrilling
come from behind victory
your season bowling average
is now..
...one thirty five.
I'm hot.
I'm totally hot.
Oh, how am I doing, Larry?
Alright, your average
has climbed to..
...seventy nine.
Seventy nine.
And I haven't even peaked yet.
Alright, and Calvin
still has the league‐leading
bowling average of..
...one ninety five.
‐ 'Oh.'
‐ Ha ha ha.
Alright, now.
Nothing's gonna stop us.
We're going
to that championship.
And what are we gonna do?
(in unison)
Win!
‐ What are we gonna do?
‐ Win!
We are going to.
(in unison)
Win! Win! Win!
(in unison)
Win! Win! Win!
[all cheering]
Yes! Yes! Yes!
This is fun!
What are we doing?
We are psyching up.
(in unison)
Ugh!
For the big bowling
championship.
(in unison)
Ugh!
Are you gonna come
and watch us play?
Well, of course, I am.
Don't be ridiculous.
‐ When is it?
‐ Tomorrow night.
Oh, Wednesday is bad for me.
I have a doctor's appointment.
Can we do it Tuesday?
Balki, this is the championship,
not a dinner date.
Oh.
Well, I better get back
to work before Gorpley
catches me standing around.
‐ Oh, yeah. Me too.
‐ Alright, alright.
Take care of that arm, huh.
Keep it warm.
Keep it warm. Yes! Yes!
Hoo!
I can't wait to see Gorpley
when they hand me that trophy.
He's been rubbing my face
in it for a year.
Rubbing your face
with the trophy?
Cousin, that could
damage your pores.
Alright!
See, I left two standings
now you..
So, this is an
American Bowling Alley.
It don't look like
any alley I've ever seen.
Listen to me,
I really need to get
a lot of practice in tonight.
So, please, just sit down
and don't touch anything.
Cousin, I‐I don't
suppose you will like
to teach me how to bowl.
‐ No. No.
‐ Cousin‐‐
Absolutely not, no, no.
Balki, tomorrow is the most
important match of my life.
I have to concentrate.
‐ Oh, hi, guys.
‐ Oh, no, no.
Don't say anything
to Cousin Larry
he got to concentrate.
Not now, Balki.
‐ When I bowl. When..
‐ Oh, oh.
But where's Calvin?
It's not like him to be late.
Yeah, where is Calvin?
Oh. Hi, guys.
Hi, Mr. Gorpley.
Appleton, so sorry to hear
about your bad luck.
What bad luck?
Oh, I guess,
you haven't heard.
Gee, I hate to be
the bearer of bad news.
What bad news?
Well, it seems that
Calvin's boss
sent him to a seminar
in Topeka for two weeks.
I guess he's gonna
miss the match.
Wait a minute, Mr. Gorpley.
Aren't you Calvin's boss?
Oh, so I am.
Gorpley, this
is the lowest thing
you have ever done.
Oh, trust me, Appleton.
It's not even close.
I don't believe that guy.
He did it again.
Last year he locked
Jimmy in men's room
so he'd miss the big match.
And‐and now this.
Well, I'm too angry
to practice.
I'm gonna go home
and burn dinner.
I gotta go shopping.
The only thing that gets
me out of the depression
is buying on credit.
Oh, cousin, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Well, I'm not gonna let Gorpley
win without a fight.
If I have to, I'll pick
up the slack myself.
Well, cousin, if‐if you have
time to go pick up your slacks
you have time
to teach me how to bowl.
‐ No. Absolutely not.
‐ Come on, look‐‐
Balki, no!
Balki, why don't you
go get yourself a soda?
[exhales sharply]
Cousin..
...I want to bowl.
Okay, fine. Get a ball.
Let's get this over with.
Oh, this one's no good.
It's got holes in it.
Balki, Balki..
...the holes are what
you put your fingers in.
Oh, that's..
It's supposed to have the holes!
‐ Yes.
‐ Well, I'll be snookered!
Yeah.
I thought they left
that one out overnight
and the ball weevils got it.
You know, they love
to get in there.
Balki, Balki, Balki.
Watch me.
Alright, now.
‐ You stand here.
‐ Uh‐huh.
Alright?
Get relaxed
and comfortable, okay.
Yeah. Bring the ball up
to eye level..
‐ Huh.
‐ Line up your shot.
And then when I'm..
Bad place to stand.
Bad place to stand.
Alright, then,
when everything comes together..
...you start your stride.
Cousin, you know what?
This is just like
nok‐nok‐roll‐a‐rock.
‐ Nok‐nok‐roll‐a‐rock?
‐ Exactly.
It's the Myposian game
the whole family can play.
First, you take a rock..
Oh, but listen to me!
Listen to me.
Just take a rock.
You don't just take a rock.
Part of the skill..
...is picking just,
just the right rock.
Uh, you have to feel..
...at one, with your rock.
‐ And you get it‐‐
‐ Balki.
I'm sure, nok‐nok‐roll‐a‐rock
is a real challenge in Mypos.
But in America,
where we've already gone through
the industrial revolution.
Sports are a bit
more sophisticated.
It takes years
to become a good bowler.
Well, then let's get started!
Alright, get a ball.
Get a ball.
How am I doing so far?
You seem to have
mastered that part.
Well, I should say so.
Well, maybe not.
‐ Pull.
‐ Yeah.
[grunts]
[grunting]
‐ Aah.
‐ There we go.
There we go.
Why don't you try this one?
Huh?
‐ Better?
‐ Yeah.
‐ Better?
‐ Oh, yeah.
Okay, yeah. You got it?
‐ Yeah.
‐ You got it?
‐ Yeah.
‐ Alright.
Oh!
‐ Now, stand here, alright?
‐ Yeah, yeah.
Remember, what I told you
get relaxed and comfortable.
Just relaxed and comfortable.
Oh!
Get up.
Get up. Get up.
Get up!
Alright, now..
...bring the ball
up to eye level.
Line up the shot.
I can't see a thing.
Lower the ball.
‐ There it is.
‐ Hmm.
Alright, now..
...start your stride.
No, no, no.
‐ I was..
‐ Yes.
Alright, start your stride,
okay?
Step on the right foot
the first step of a four‐step
delivery. Step on the left.
As you step on the right,
swing the ball back
step left, swing forward
and release.
Cousin, I don't think
it's gonna make it.
‐ That's enough for today.
‐ Shall I..
Shall I give it a little kick?
No, no, no,
no, no, no.
I don't want you to suffer
from bowler's burnout
on the very first day.
Cousin, can I..
Look, look.
Can I just,
can I just try one thing?
I‐I want,
can I just try it my way?
Can I just try it my way?
Balki, if you wanna use some
of your Stone Age techniques..
...go right ahead.
Thank you. I will.
Now first..
...I have to find a ball
that I'm at one with.
Oh!
Nok, nok, nok, nok, nok.
[inhales]
[screaming]
(Lydia)
'Are you telling me
that Balki is a great bowler?'
Yeah, I couldn't believe it.
It was strike,
after strike, after strike.
He bowled a 285
on his first game.
Two eighty five?
‐ 'Two eighty five.'
‐ In one game?
That's a month's worth
of bowling for you.
‐ Hi.
‐ Oh, hi.
Hi, hi, hi, hi.
‐ Larry, we miss anything?
‐ No, no.
‐ We're just warming up.
‐ Where's Balki?
Well, he should be here
any minute.
He had to stop at the doctor's
and, uh, then he's coming
straight here.
I saved you these seats.
‐ Oh, great. Thanks.
‐ Thanks.
Appleton, let's get this show
on the road.
Alright, keep your shirt on.
Not all of our team is here yet.
Oh, who did you get
to replace Calvin?
One of the babes
from the typing pool?
[laughing]
It so happens it's Balki.
[laughing]
Bartokomous?
Excuse me, uh, I have to go
get ready for our victory party.
You won't be laughing so much
when Balki gets here.
Oh! Am I late?
Am I in the bowling alley?
‐ Balki.
‐ Cousin?
Oh, this is gonna be fun.
Balki, what's the matter
with you?
‐ Harriette?
‐ Right here, baby.
‐ Harriette, the..
‐ Right here.
The eye doctor
put‐put drops in my eyes
and I can't see a thing.
Balki, you didn't tell me you
were going to the eye doctor.
Well, I didn't think
it was important.
I was wrong.
I can't do it.
I can't think of everything
he doesn't know.
Come on, cousin. I can bowl.
The doctor said that they would
clear up in just a few hours.
And all I need to do is just
take a little practice shot.
‐ Uh, okay?
‐ Alright.
‐ Okay.
‐ Okay.
[shrieking]
Come on, Appleton.
Enough stalling.
Let's get started.
Well, just a minute.
Just a minute.
Balki needs to warm up.
He's‐he's gotta take
a few practice frames.
[laughing]
Alright, come on, Balki.
Let's get you a ball.
‐ Okay
‐ Uh‐huh.
Here?
‐ Oh!
‐ Oh!
Alright. Here we go,
here we go.
Okay. Alright, alright, alright.
‐ Now, can you see the pins?
‐ No.
‐ Can you see the pins?
‐ No.
‐ Can you see the pins?
‐ No.
Okay, go.
Nok, nok, nok, nok, nok.
[inhales]
[screaming]
‐ Good luck, Balki.
‐ Thanks, Mary Anne.
Balki, concentrate.
[screaming]
Balki, Balki, hold it, hold it.
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
Hold it, hold it.
[instrumental music]
Yay! Yay! Ha!
Yes!
[screaming]
[laughing]
Appleton, give up.
The Mypiot needs a strike
and a spare to win this thing.
Face it. That trophy is mine.
Not so fast, Gorpley.
It ain't over till it's over.
It's over.
Cousin, I'm starting to see
a little better.
Balki. Balki. Balki.
[whistling]
‐ Cousin, I think I can do this.
‐ You do?
Yeah, I have a feeling about it.
The same feeling I had at the
'81 Roll‐a‐Rock Fall Classic.
We were down to our last rock
and there were still
six gourds standing
and everybody said
this is impossible
but I knew if I dug deep
deep down inside myself
I could knock the goodies
out of those gourds.
‐ And did you?
‐ Well, no.
Oh, God!
But it was a good feeling
anyway. A real good one.
Okay, cousin, I'm ready.
Just lead me to those balls.
‐ Come on, come on.
‐ Come on, Balki, come on.
Alright, I've lined you up.
Now, just follow your nose.
Nok, nok, nok, nok, nok.
[screaming]
[all cheering]
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Alright, alright.
Now, now, alright.
Okay.
All we need is a spare
and the championship is ours.
‐ Ah!
‐ Alright, wait here.
‐ You know what to do.
‐ Yeah.
‐ Nok, nok, nok, nok..
‐ Come on, baby.
‐ Let's go, Balki!
‐ Come on.
[screaming]
(Larry)
'Yes! Yes!'
Oh, no. No!
(all)
Yes! Yes!
Cousin, you're frowning.
‐ What's wrong?
‐ There's two pins left.
‐ Well, that's great.
‐ No, no, it's a 7‐10 split.
It's‐it's the hardest split
in bowling to pick up.
Oh, come on, cousin, one time
in, in Nok Nok Roll‐a‐Rock
I had a deadly 58‐37 split.
‐ And you made it?
‐ Well, no.
Oh, God.
‐ Nobody makes that.
‐ Oh, really.
Why do you tell me
these stories?
It's just a way
of dealing with anxiety.
Alright, come here.
Come on, come on, come on.
Alright.
Come on.
Knock it out of the park.
Now remember,
this is only a game.
It's the most important game
of my life.
But it's only a game.
Not too much pressure.
Nok, nok, nok, nok, nok.
[instrumental music]
[cheering and applauding]
I can't wait to take it
to work tomorrow
and rub Gorpley's face in it.
Cousin, isn't that what
Mr. Gorpley used to do to you?
He certainly did.
And‐and‐and you hated it
when he did it, didn't you?
I sure did, and now he's gonna
see what it feels like.
This trophy is supposed to
represent your accomplishments
not somebody else's misfortune.
You're gonna take all the fun
out of winning this, aren't you?
You're just gonna suck
all the fun right out of it.
Okay, cousin,
cousin, cousin, look.
Listen to me.
You're missing the point.
The point of this trophy,
this trophy says
that‐that your team was better
than Mr. Gorpley's.
And not rubbing his face
on it means
that you're a better winner
than he is.
Mr. Gorpley probably feels
pretty awful right now.
Oh, you know he does.
Can I just call him up
to make sure?
No.
How about a nasty note
on his office door?
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
How about if I just drive by his
house and yell, "Loser, loser?"
'Cause I need something,
I need something
to call my own, a little
something to hang on to.
‐ Just‐‐
‐ Alright, cousin.
One phone call.
[theme music]
"Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now"]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just ♪
♪ Get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds
are this time ♪
♪ Nothing's gonna
stand in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every dark street ♪
♪ A light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Through the rain and thunder ♪
♪ The wind and haze ♪
♪ I'm bound for better days ♪
♪ It's my life ♪
♪ My dream ♪
♪ And nothing's
gonna stop me now ♪
Alright, Harriet,
after last night's thrilling
come from behind victory
your season bowling average
is now..
...one thirty five.
I'm hot.
I'm totally hot.
Oh, how am I doing, Larry?
Alright, your average
has climbed to..
...seventy nine.
Seventy nine.
And I haven't even peaked yet.
Alright, and Calvin
still has the league‐leading
bowling average of..
...one ninety five.
‐ 'Oh.'
‐ Ha ha ha.
Alright, now.
Nothing's gonna stop us.
We're going
to that championship.
And what are we gonna do?
(in unison)
Win!
‐ What are we gonna do?
‐ Win!
We are going to.
(in unison)
Win! Win! Win!
(in unison)
Win! Win! Win!
[all cheering]
Yes! Yes! Yes!
This is fun!
What are we doing?
We are psyching up.
(in unison)
Ugh!
For the big bowling
championship.
(in unison)
Ugh!
Are you gonna come
and watch us play?
Well, of course, I am.
Don't be ridiculous.
‐ When is it?
‐ Tomorrow night.
Oh, Wednesday is bad for me.
I have a doctor's appointment.
Can we do it Tuesday?
Balki, this is the championship,
not a dinner date.
Oh.
Well, I better get back
to work before Gorpley
catches me standing around.
‐ Oh, yeah. Me too.
‐ Alright, alright.
Take care of that arm, huh.
Keep it warm.
Keep it warm. Yes! Yes!
Hoo!
I can't wait to see Gorpley
when they hand me that trophy.
He's been rubbing my face
in it for a year.
Rubbing your face
with the trophy?
Cousin, that could
damage your pores.
Alright!
See, I left two standings
now you..
So, this is an
American Bowling Alley.
It don't look like
any alley I've ever seen.
Listen to me,
I really need to get
a lot of practice in tonight.
So, please, just sit down
and don't touch anything.
Cousin, I‐I don't
suppose you will like
to teach me how to bowl.
‐ No. No.
‐ Cousin‐‐
Absolutely not, no, no.
Balki, tomorrow is the most
important match of my life.
I have to concentrate.
‐ Oh, hi, guys.
‐ Oh, no, no.
Don't say anything
to Cousin Larry
he got to concentrate.
Not now, Balki.
‐ When I bowl. When..
‐ Oh, oh.
But where's Calvin?
It's not like him to be late.
Yeah, where is Calvin?
Oh. Hi, guys.
Hi, Mr. Gorpley.
Appleton, so sorry to hear
about your bad luck.
What bad luck?
Oh, I guess,
you haven't heard.
Gee, I hate to be
the bearer of bad news.
What bad news?
Well, it seems that
Calvin's boss
sent him to a seminar
in Topeka for two weeks.
I guess he's gonna
miss the match.
Wait a minute, Mr. Gorpley.
Aren't you Calvin's boss?
Oh, so I am.
Gorpley, this
is the lowest thing
you have ever done.
Oh, trust me, Appleton.
It's not even close.
I don't believe that guy.
He did it again.
Last year he locked
Jimmy in men's room
so he'd miss the big match.
And‐and now this.
Well, I'm too angry
to practice.
I'm gonna go home
and burn dinner.
I gotta go shopping.
The only thing that gets
me out of the depression
is buying on credit.
Oh, cousin, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Well, I'm not gonna let Gorpley
win without a fight.
If I have to, I'll pick
up the slack myself.
Well, cousin, if‐if you have
time to go pick up your slacks
you have time
to teach me how to bowl.
‐ No. Absolutely not.
‐ Come on, look‐‐
Balki, no!
Balki, why don't you
go get yourself a soda?
[exhales sharply]
Cousin..
...I want to bowl.
Okay, fine. Get a ball.
Let's get this over with.
Oh, this one's no good.
It's got holes in it.
Balki, Balki..
...the holes are what
you put your fingers in.
Oh, that's..
It's supposed to have the holes!
‐ Yes.
‐ Well, I'll be snookered!
Yeah.
I thought they left
that one out overnight
and the ball weevils got it.
You know, they love
to get in there.
Balki, Balki, Balki.
Watch me.
Alright, now.
‐ You stand here.
‐ Uh‐huh.
Alright?
Get relaxed
and comfortable, okay.
Yeah. Bring the ball up
to eye level..
‐ Huh.
‐ Line up your shot.
And then when I'm..
Bad place to stand.
Bad place to stand.
Alright, then,
when everything comes together..
...you start your stride.
Cousin, you know what?
This is just like
nok‐nok‐roll‐a‐rock.
‐ Nok‐nok‐roll‐a‐rock?
‐ Exactly.
It's the Myposian game
the whole family can play.
First, you take a rock..
Oh, but listen to me!
Listen to me.
Just take a rock.
You don't just take a rock.
Part of the skill..
...is picking just,
just the right rock.
Uh, you have to feel..
...at one, with your rock.
‐ And you get it‐‐
‐ Balki.
I'm sure, nok‐nok‐roll‐a‐rock
is a real challenge in Mypos.
But in America,
where we've already gone through
the industrial revolution.
Sports are a bit
more sophisticated.
It takes years
to become a good bowler.
Well, then let's get started!
Alright, get a ball.
Get a ball.
How am I doing so far?
You seem to have
mastered that part.
Well, I should say so.
Well, maybe not.
‐ Pull.
‐ Yeah.
[grunts]
[grunting]
‐ Aah.
‐ There we go.
There we go.
Why don't you try this one?
Huh?
‐ Better?
‐ Yeah.
‐ Better?
‐ Oh, yeah.
Okay, yeah. You got it?
‐ Yeah.
‐ You got it?
‐ Yeah.
‐ Alright.
Oh!
‐ Now, stand here, alright?
‐ Yeah, yeah.
Remember, what I told you
get relaxed and comfortable.
Just relaxed and comfortable.
Oh!
Get up.
Get up. Get up.
Get up!
Alright, now..
...bring the ball
up to eye level.
Line up the shot.
I can't see a thing.
Lower the ball.
‐ There it is.
‐ Hmm.
Alright, now..
...start your stride.
No, no, no.
‐ I was..
‐ Yes.
Alright, start your stride,
okay?
Step on the right foot
the first step of a four‐step
delivery. Step on the left.
As you step on the right,
swing the ball back
step left, swing forward
and release.
Cousin, I don't think
it's gonna make it.
‐ That's enough for today.
‐ Shall I..
Shall I give it a little kick?
No, no, no,
no, no, no.
I don't want you to suffer
from bowler's burnout
on the very first day.
Cousin, can I..
Look, look.
Can I just,
can I just try one thing?
I‐I want,
can I just try it my way?
Can I just try it my way?
Balki, if you wanna use some
of your Stone Age techniques..
...go right ahead.
Thank you. I will.
Now first..
...I have to find a ball
that I'm at one with.
Oh!
Nok, nok, nok, nok, nok.
[inhales]
[screaming]
(Lydia)
'Are you telling me
that Balki is a great bowler?'
Yeah, I couldn't believe it.
It was strike,
after strike, after strike.
He bowled a 285
on his first game.
Two eighty five?
‐ 'Two eighty five.'
‐ In one game?
That's a month's worth
of bowling for you.
‐ Hi.
‐ Oh, hi.
Hi, hi, hi, hi.
‐ Larry, we miss anything?
‐ No, no.
‐ We're just warming up.
‐ Where's Balki?
Well, he should be here
any minute.
He had to stop at the doctor's
and, uh, then he's coming
straight here.
I saved you these seats.
‐ Oh, great. Thanks.
‐ Thanks.
Appleton, let's get this show
on the road.
Alright, keep your shirt on.
Not all of our team is here yet.
Oh, who did you get
to replace Calvin?
One of the babes
from the typing pool?
[laughing]
It so happens it's Balki.
[laughing]
Bartokomous?
Excuse me, uh, I have to go
get ready for our victory party.
You won't be laughing so much
when Balki gets here.
Oh! Am I late?
Am I in the bowling alley?
‐ Balki.
‐ Cousin?
Oh, this is gonna be fun.
Balki, what's the matter
with you?
‐ Harriette?
‐ Right here, baby.
‐ Harriette, the..
‐ Right here.
The eye doctor
put‐put drops in my eyes
and I can't see a thing.
Balki, you didn't tell me you
were going to the eye doctor.
Well, I didn't think
it was important.
I was wrong.
I can't do it.
I can't think of everything
he doesn't know.
Come on, cousin. I can bowl.
The doctor said that they would
clear up in just a few hours.
And all I need to do is just
take a little practice shot.
‐ Uh, okay?
‐ Alright.
‐ Okay.
‐ Okay.
[shrieking]
Come on, Appleton.
Enough stalling.
Let's get started.
Well, just a minute.
Just a minute.
Balki needs to warm up.
He's‐he's gotta take
a few practice frames.
[laughing]
Alright, come on, Balki.
Let's get you a ball.
‐ Okay
‐ Uh‐huh.
Here?
‐ Oh!
‐ Oh!
Alright. Here we go,
here we go.
Okay. Alright, alright, alright.
‐ Now, can you see the pins?
‐ No.
‐ Can you see the pins?
‐ No.
‐ Can you see the pins?
‐ No.
Okay, go.
Nok, nok, nok, nok, nok.
[inhales]
[screaming]
‐ Good luck, Balki.
‐ Thanks, Mary Anne.
Balki, concentrate.
[screaming]
Balki, Balki, hold it, hold it.
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
Hold it, hold it.
[instrumental music]
Yay! Yay! Ha!
Yes!
[screaming]
[laughing]
Appleton, give up.
The Mypiot needs a strike
and a spare to win this thing.
Face it. That trophy is mine.
Not so fast, Gorpley.
It ain't over till it's over.
It's over.
Cousin, I'm starting to see
a little better.
Balki. Balki. Balki.
[whistling]
‐ Cousin, I think I can do this.
‐ You do?
Yeah, I have a feeling about it.
The same feeling I had at the
'81 Roll‐a‐Rock Fall Classic.
We were down to our last rock
and there were still
six gourds standing
and everybody said
this is impossible
but I knew if I dug deep
deep down inside myself
I could knock the goodies
out of those gourds.
‐ And did you?
‐ Well, no.
Oh, God!
But it was a good feeling
anyway. A real good one.
Okay, cousin, I'm ready.
Just lead me to those balls.
‐ Come on, come on.
‐ Come on, Balki, come on.
Alright, I've lined you up.
Now, just follow your nose.
Nok, nok, nok, nok, nok.
[screaming]
[all cheering]
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Alright, alright.
Now, now, alright.
Okay.
All we need is a spare
and the championship is ours.
‐ Ah!
‐ Alright, wait here.
‐ You know what to do.
‐ Yeah.
‐ Nok, nok, nok, nok..
‐ Come on, baby.
‐ Let's go, Balki!
‐ Come on.
[screaming]
(Larry)
'Yes! Yes!'
Oh, no. No!
(all)
Yes! Yes!
Cousin, you're frowning.
‐ What's wrong?
‐ There's two pins left.
‐ Well, that's great.
‐ No, no, it's a 7‐10 split.
It's‐it's the hardest split
in bowling to pick up.
Oh, come on, cousin, one time
in, in Nok Nok Roll‐a‐Rock
I had a deadly 58‐37 split.
‐ And you made it?
‐ Well, no.
Oh, God.
‐ Nobody makes that.
‐ Oh, really.
Why do you tell me
these stories?
It's just a way
of dealing with anxiety.
Alright, come here.
Come on, come on, come on.
Alright.
Come on.
Knock it out of the park.
Now remember,
this is only a game.
It's the most important game
of my life.
But it's only a game.
Not too much pressure.
Nok, nok, nok, nok, nok.
[instrumental music]
[cheering and applauding]
I can't wait to take it
to work tomorrow
and rub Gorpley's face in it.
Cousin, isn't that what
Mr. Gorpley used to do to you?
He certainly did.
And‐and‐and you hated it
when he did it, didn't you?
I sure did, and now he's gonna
see what it feels like.
This trophy is supposed to
represent your accomplishments
not somebody else's misfortune.
You're gonna take all the fun
out of winning this, aren't you?
You're just gonna suck
all the fun right out of it.
Okay, cousin,
cousin, cousin, look.
Listen to me.
You're missing the point.
The point of this trophy,
this trophy says
that‐that your team was better
than Mr. Gorpley's.
And not rubbing his face
on it means
that you're a better winner
than he is.
Mr. Gorpley probably feels
pretty awful right now.
Oh, you know he does.
Can I just call him up
to make sure?
No.
How about a nasty note
on his office door?
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
How about if I just drive by his
house and yell, "Loser, loser?"
'Cause I need something,
I need something
to call my own, a little
something to hang on to.
‐ Just‐‐
‐ Alright, cousin.
One phone call.
[theme music]