Perfect Strangers (1986–1993): Season 4, Episode 14 - Come Fly with Me - full transcript
Larry and Balki and Jennifer and Maryanne decides to go away together. So they all go on the same flight were the girls are assigned. But before taking off Balki gives the girls some snacks from his country. He forgets to tell them not to take them with milk which they do and are sick. So Larry and Balki have to fill in for them but there's a lot turbulence.
[David Pomeranz performing
"Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now"]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds
are this time ♪
♪ Nothings gonna
stand in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every Dark Street
a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Through the rain
and thunder ♪
♪ The wind and haze ♪
♪ I'm bound for better days ♪
♪ It's my life
and my dream ♪
♪ And nothing's
gonna stop me now ♪
[instrumental music]
Cousin, I'm so excited,
and I just can't hide it.
I'm about to lose control..
...and I think I like it.
I can't believe I am finally
going to fly on an aero plane
and spend a whole week
in The Great Pumpkin.
No, Balki,
not "The Great Pumpkin."
New York City
is the "Big Apple."
I‐is that all you're taking?
Well, of course not.
Don't be ridiculous.
I'm wearing an extra
set of Jockey shorts.
[knock on door]
‐ Hi, girls!
‐ Hi!
‐ Hi.
‐ Oh, hi.
Are you two ready
for New York City?
Larry, a‐about that
I'm afraid
we have some bad news.
We've finally been assigned
to work the Hawaii flight
the one we've been
bidding on for so long.
It's the best route
on the schedule more money
and something most flight
attendants only dream about.
Well, that doesn't
sound like bad news to me.
It doesn't, does it?
What was the bad news, Jennifer?
The bad news is that
we have to start
our new flight tomorrow
so we can't go
to New York with you guys.
I‐I'm really sorry, Larry.
Oh. Oh...well, uh..
Well, that's alright.
I‐I‐I understand about careers.
Well...without you
the...the Big Apple will be
rotten to the core.
Gee, too bad you guys
are so set on New York.
If you weren't,
you could go to Hawaii with us.
Hawaii?
Well, that sounds great!
But‐but I don't know
if we can afford it
No, sure you can. If you fly
stand by it'll be just
a little bit more than you
spend on your trip to New York.
Cousin, Hawai‐i!
It will be fun and educational.
Isn't that where the Japanese
bombed Pearl Bailey?
Yes, it is.
‐ Well, let's go to Hawaii!
‐ Oh!
This is great!
Well, we better go get packed.
Will see you in the morning.
We'll be ready.
We'll never be ready.
It took six weeks to
pack for New York City.
Now I've got 12 hours
to pack for Hawaii.
I need sunscreen, sunglasses,
casual wear, something formal
yet not fussy, in case
we go out to dinner‐‐
Cousin...all you
need for Hawai‐i
is a swimsuit, a towel
and a pair of those sandals
with, uh, that thing
that goes in between your toes.
Thongs.
You're welcome.
See you in the morning.
[instrumental music]
Hello.
Hello.
Hi.
Hello.
Hello.
I'm Balki Bartokomous.
Balki Bartokomous.
I'm in 22‐D.
Feel free to drop by anytime.
Hello, hello, hello.
How are you?
Balki Bartokomous.
Sheepherder.
Cousin, cousin?
22‐D and E, come on down!
[sighs]
Sorry.
Excuse me.
‐ Oh!
‐ Oh, I'm terribly..
‐ Oh!
‐ I'm sorry.
I'll be by in a second.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Oh, oh. I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Let me, let me just get by,
and I'll be fine.
I'm sorry.
I'm very sorry.
Thank you.
Cousin, uh..
[sighs]
You know, uh..
...if you check,
check these bags
then they, they'll put them
in the stomach
of the plane for you.
Balki, Balki, Balki.
I make it a point to carry on
all my luggage
and put
in the overhead compartment.
Well, just‐just‐just, let me..
I was just going to say that
"This particular compartment
was full."
So it was.
Cousin, uh, you‐you..
Uh, let me take care of that.
‐ Y‐y‐you do your bag.
‐ Alright, alright, alright.
Thank you so much.
‐ Oh. I'm, I'm so sorry.
‐ Oh, that's okay. That's okay.
‐ I'm sorry.
‐ It's okay. It's okay.
[sighs]
Thank you, sir.
(Larry)
'Excuse me.'
'I'm sorry. Very sorry.'
You know I love
the way you demanded
the no‐smoking section
at the ticket counter.
Oh!
I never knew you could
be so forceful.
Well, there's a lot about me
you don't know, honey.
But you'll have the rest
of our lives to find out.
Let me guess.
Honeymooners?
[chuckles]
Yes, we are.
So tell me, was it
a prearranged marriage..
...or did you have to pay
for her with livestock?
Gee...she looks like
she could command at least..
...two sheep and a goat.
Do you know, my Aunt Uvula
used to say
"Just give me an ox.
I don't care about the dowry
I don't care about
those little towels that you‐‐"
Excuse him.
Excuse him.
He's on anti‐nausea medication.
[exhales sharply]
Balki, these people
don't want to be disturbed.
Now, buckle up.
But, cousin, as you know
I prefer suspenders
to a belt buckle anytime
both for aesthetic
and practical considerations.
‐ As I once‐‐
‐ Seat belt. Oh, here.
‐ Here.
‐ Oh..
‐ Comfy?
‐ Yeah.
‐ Tight enough?
‐ Oh, yes!
Balki...put
the tray table up.
Well, I‐I‐I‐‐
Put the tray table up now.
Stop it!
You're not ever...
gonna do that again..
...are you?
Cousin, I‐I have to
just say here, he has a point.
It is..
It‐it's‐it's very disruptive
to the travel experience.
‐ Come here.
‐ Oh, cousin, no!
‐ I promise I'll never touch it.
‐ Come here. Come here.
Come here!
Come here ! Come on!
[groaning]
Oh.
[sighs]
[snapping]
♪ Trailers for sale or rent ♪
♪ Rooms to let 50 cent ♪
Balki.
♪ No phone no pool no pets ♪
♪ I ain't got
no cigarettes ♪
♪ Two hours of pushing‐‐ ♪
‐ Balki!
‐ Aah!
Why you did that for?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I forgot, I forgot to tell you.
This is a...no‐singing section.
Hi, guys.
Jennifer! Mary Anne!
Oh!
[laughing]
Oh, we just wanted
to say "Hello"
because we won't have a chance
to talk during the flight.
Well, then, I have
to give you these now.
I, I baked us a little
treat...for our trip.
‐ Those look good.
‐ What are they?
These are honey‐roasted
chalkidikis.
Hmm.
What?
Honey‐roasted
chalkidikis
the traditional
travel food of Mypos. Cousin.
Yeah.. No, I'll wait
for the honey‐roasted peanuts..
...the traditional
travel food of America.
Balki, these are delicious.
Oh, thank you very much.
They're‐they're not only tasty
and nutritious
but they have a shelf‐life
of over 120 years.
(Pilot)
'This is |Captain Hogan.'
'Will the flight attendants
please prepare for departure.'
‐ Seatbelts on.
‐ Oh.
‐ Would you buckle up.
‐ Buckle up.
[instrumental music]
(Balki)
'Cousin, we're fly‐ing!'
Larry..
...I feel terrible,
and so does Mary Anne.
Well, maybe
it's something you ate.
What'd you have for breakfast
this morning?
Well, just a...little coffee,
dry toast
and that chalkidiki
Balki gave us.
Jennifer, think very carefully.
What kind of toast was it?
Balki, it wasn't the toast.
What's in those chalkidikis?
Cousin, nothing special.
Just, uh, you know
uh, flour, eggs, honey, yeast..
...um, goat spleen..
...aged at room temperature
until it has that
little green fur on it.
'Salt and pepper to taste‐‐'
Excuse me.
Little green fur?
Cousin, I know
what you're thinking.
You're thinking
I should have waited
until the goat spleen
fur turned blue
but that's‐that's only
what they do
on the south side of Mypos.
‐ It's a regional thing.
‐ No, no, no.
That's not what
I'm talking about.
Those chalkidikis
made her sick.
I find that hard to believe.
I've been eating them
since I was five years old
and they never made me sick..
...un‐unless I have them
with milk.
But‐but you don't combine
spleen with dairy products.
It's, uh, common knowledge.
What happens if you do?
You wish you were dead.
Ah.
‐ Mary Anne?
‐ Hm?
H‐how do you feel?
I wish I were dead.
Not a good sign, cousin.
Did you have any dairy
products this morning?
Just the cream in my coffee.
That would do it.
Jennifer, maybe
you should get help
from the flight attendants
in first class.
No, Larry, they'll think
we can't handle the job
and we'll lose the route.
Hey, don't worry.
I‐I had a glass of milk, and..
...I think that will make
me feel better.
Think again.
Ohh!
Cousin, uh, remind me
to put a warning label
on any future chalkidikis.
Balki, are they
gonna be alright?
Yeah, of course, they're gonna
be fine in just a few hours.
But until then,
it won't be pretty.
(male #1)
'Hey, what do you have to do
to get a drink on this flight?'
Oh, I‐I guess, I better explain
to the other passengers.
I'm sure they'll understand.
No, no, no.
You can't do that.
Those people
don't wanna understand.
All they want is service.
Well, of course, how are
they going to get service
with, uh, Jennifer
and Marry Anne so sick?
We'll do it ourselves.
‐ What?
‐ Come on.
All we have to do
is pass out a few magazines
pour some coffee,
heat up a few TV dinners.
‐ Let's go.
‐ Cousin, I‐I want the blue one.
No, it doesn't make
any difference.
No, I really want it.
‐ I need the blue‐‐
‐ Alright. Alright.
Alright. Alright. Here.
'Okay.'
Let's head 'em up..
...and move 'em out.
Maybe this little thing
down here is the brake.
[crash]
Yep.
That was it.
Sir, may I interest you
in a refreshing beverage?
White Russian.
Oh, my goodness, no, no, no.
Ah, many people
make that mistake.
I'm actually
an olive skinned Myposian.
Balki, it's a drink.
Oh, that White Russian!
Coming up.
‐ Hup, ho!
‐ Ho!
Ice.
‐ Nice.
‐ Ice.
Nice twice.
‐ Vodka.
‐ Alodka.
Oh, hup.
Ho. Hey.
Kahlua.
For you‐a.
‐ Hup. Ho!
‐ 'Ho!'
Cream.
A dream.
Hup, ho!
Swizzle.
A bizzle.
[all clapping]
I thought you guys
were just passengers.
Oh, no, no, no.
Uh, we work for the airline.
We're, uh,
quality control experts.
Yes, whenever we find quality..
...we try to control it.
Don't go away, anybody.
You don't wanna miss
the dinner show.
[applauding]
Balki.
Balki.
Balki, this is great.
For the first time,
I'm helping Jennifer
out of a jam
I didn't get her into.
Come on. Let's get
the dinners ready.
(Hogan)
'Ladies and gentlemen,
this is Captain Hogan again.'
'Please fasten your seat belts.'
'It appears,
we'll be experiencing'
'a little turbulence.'
Cousin..
...what‐what is turbulence?
Is‐is that regular?
‐ Yes, it is.
‐ Oh, good.
‐ Aah!
‐ Aah!
Yeah.
Is that decaf?
Yes, it is.
‐ Cream or sugar?
‐ Yes, please.
Aah!
Well, the cream
is‐is by your left foot
and, uh, the sugar..
...sugar is bad for you.
Hey, you, muck!
My baked potato's cold.
Let me heat that up for you.
Will you get these dirty trays?
Dirty trays?
We haven't even eaten yet.
‐ Yeah.
‐ Yeah, when are we gonna eat?
I'll‐I'll get your dinners
out as fast as I can.
Balki, help me.
Balki, rows 22 through 24
still need their dinners.
and‐and we've got
to pick up the trays
from rows 19 through 21.
23a wants a club soda
with a twist
and 86 the 7 and 7 on, uh, 26b.
10‐4, cousin.
Listen..
...who gets
the veterinarian supper?
‐ Uh, 19c.
‐ Okay.
Oh. Oh. Potato's ready.
‐ Ow!
‐ Oh‐oh, cousin!
‐ Ooh.
‐ Aah! Aah!
Aah! Aah!
Ow. Ow. Ooh. Ooh.
‐ Aah.
‐ Ooh! Aah!
Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Thank you.
You, pick up the dirty trays.
I‐I'll fix the rest
of the dinners.
Okay.
‐ 'Hey, what's taking so long?'
‐ 'Yeah, what's going on?'
‐ I‐I just..
‐ Where's my vegetarian meal?
Oh, sir, I‐I know
just where it is.
It's in
the Mr. microphone oven.
I'll go get it.
‐ There.
‐ 'Hey, hey, hey. Wait!'
Wait a minute, now.
They‐they've already eaten.
That should be our food.
It's mine now, buddy.
Alright.
Here‐here you go.
Here you go, sir.
One veterinarian supper.
But this is steak.
I'm a vegetarian.
Well, I added that.
Our veterans deserve the best.
There you go.
‐ Thank you.
‐ Yeah.
You promised to get me
a brownie, dear.
Well, I think
they're out of them, dear.
I want a brownie!
Uh, I think, I can get you
an extra brownie.
Thank you.
Why does the broad
get an extra brownie?
Broad? Hey, you can't call my
bride a broad, buddy.
You wanna step outside?
‐ Yeah. I'd like to.
‐ Well, come on.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Look, I know we're all
a little irritable
because we haven't eaten‐‐
Yeah, and it's all your fault.
‐ Yeah, when are we gonna eat?
‐ 'Yeah!'
Let's take over the kitchen.
(all)
Yeah.
Cousin, need some help?
Hey, why are you on a coffee
break when I'm starving?
Yeah, let's get our own food.
Hold it right there!
One more step, and no movie!
My God!
I think he means it!
What is the movie anyway?
Oh, it's a good one.
"Ernest goes to camp."
Get him!
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Now, just‐just get back,
funky cats.
Now, I may be mistaken
but I'm picking up some
bad vibes from you people.
You're supposed to be going
off to have a nice vacation.
Why aren't you happy
and joyful?
Why are you acting
like a lunch mob?
Because you're the worst flight
attendants we've ever seen.
(all)
Yeah!
Well, I got a hot flash for you.
We're not flight attendants
at all.
Here are your
flight attendants
and they happen to be two
of the best in the business.
Unfortunately, at the moment
they're two of the sickest
in the business.
Yeah, well, cry me a river.
I paid good money for good
service and I'm not getting it.
We understand that.
The only reason
we're only doing this
is to help these ladies out.
I mean, if somebody complains
they could lose their jobs.
Look, look, is it‐is it
too much to ask
that‐that we all just help
out a little ?
Just sit down
and be patient
and‐and we'll get to you.
Think about it.
You're fighting
over airline food.
Yeah, he's got a point,
my brownie was awful.
I thought the Jell‐O
was pretty good.
But I'm still hungry.
You know what?
I don't know how‐how
Jennifer and Mary Anne
serve dinner at all with the
plane bouncing around like this.
(Hogan)
'Ladies and gentlemen,
this is Captain Hogan again.'
'I think the turbulence
is finally behind us.'
'Flight attendants may now
begin serving dinner.'
(Balki)
'Girls, I'm glad
you're feeling better.'
You know, Jennifer,
after trying to do your job
I have a whole
new respect for you.
No‐no‐not that I didn't
respect you before.
Oh, no. I‐I understand.
Oh, look.
Someone left their jacket.
Jennifer, uh..
Although you feel fine now
I‐I‐I got to warn you
that there is one
nasty little side effect.
For about a week
you're going to have
a very bad reaction to plaid.
[chuckles]
A bad reaction to plaid?
Oh, Balki.
Well, I guess, I'll turn
this in to lost and..
[theme music]
"Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now"]
♪ Sometimes the world
looks perfect ♪
♪ Nothing to rearrange ♪
♪ Sometimes you just
get a feeling ♪
♪ Like you need
some kind of change ♪
♪ No matter what the odds
are this time ♪
♪ Nothings gonna
stand in my way ♪
♪ This flame in my heart ♪
♪ Like a long lost friend ♪
♪ Gives every Dark Street
a light at the end ♪
♪ Standing tall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Rise and fall ♪
♪ On the wings of my dream ♪
♪ Through the rain
and thunder ♪
♪ The wind and haze ♪
♪ I'm bound for better days ♪
♪ It's my life
and my dream ♪
♪ And nothing's
gonna stop me now ♪
[instrumental music]
Cousin, I'm so excited,
and I just can't hide it.
I'm about to lose control..
...and I think I like it.
I can't believe I am finally
going to fly on an aero plane
and spend a whole week
in The Great Pumpkin.
No, Balki,
not "The Great Pumpkin."
New York City
is the "Big Apple."
I‐is that all you're taking?
Well, of course not.
Don't be ridiculous.
I'm wearing an extra
set of Jockey shorts.
[knock on door]
‐ Hi, girls!
‐ Hi!
‐ Hi.
‐ Oh, hi.
Are you two ready
for New York City?
Larry, a‐about that
I'm afraid
we have some bad news.
We've finally been assigned
to work the Hawaii flight
the one we've been
bidding on for so long.
It's the best route
on the schedule more money
and something most flight
attendants only dream about.
Well, that doesn't
sound like bad news to me.
It doesn't, does it?
What was the bad news, Jennifer?
The bad news is that
we have to start
our new flight tomorrow
so we can't go
to New York with you guys.
I‐I'm really sorry, Larry.
Oh. Oh...well, uh..
Well, that's alright.
I‐I‐I understand about careers.
Well...without you
the...the Big Apple will be
rotten to the core.
Gee, too bad you guys
are so set on New York.
If you weren't,
you could go to Hawaii with us.
Hawaii?
Well, that sounds great!
But‐but I don't know
if we can afford it
No, sure you can. If you fly
stand by it'll be just
a little bit more than you
spend on your trip to New York.
Cousin, Hawai‐i!
It will be fun and educational.
Isn't that where the Japanese
bombed Pearl Bailey?
Yes, it is.
‐ Well, let's go to Hawaii!
‐ Oh!
This is great!
Well, we better go get packed.
Will see you in the morning.
We'll be ready.
We'll never be ready.
It took six weeks to
pack for New York City.
Now I've got 12 hours
to pack for Hawaii.
I need sunscreen, sunglasses,
casual wear, something formal
yet not fussy, in case
we go out to dinner‐‐
Cousin...all you
need for Hawai‐i
is a swimsuit, a towel
and a pair of those sandals
with, uh, that thing
that goes in between your toes.
Thongs.
You're welcome.
See you in the morning.
[instrumental music]
Hello.
Hello.
Hi.
Hello.
Hello.
I'm Balki Bartokomous.
Balki Bartokomous.
I'm in 22‐D.
Feel free to drop by anytime.
Hello, hello, hello.
How are you?
Balki Bartokomous.
Sheepherder.
Cousin, cousin?
22‐D and E, come on down!
[sighs]
Sorry.
Excuse me.
‐ Oh!
‐ Oh, I'm terribly..
‐ Oh!
‐ I'm sorry.
I'll be by in a second.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Oh, oh. I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Let me, let me just get by,
and I'll be fine.
I'm sorry.
I'm very sorry.
Thank you.
Cousin, uh..
[sighs]
You know, uh..
...if you check,
check these bags
then they, they'll put them
in the stomach
of the plane for you.
Balki, Balki, Balki.
I make it a point to carry on
all my luggage
and put
in the overhead compartment.
Well, just‐just‐just, let me..
I was just going to say that
"This particular compartment
was full."
So it was.
Cousin, uh, you‐you..
Uh, let me take care of that.
‐ Y‐y‐you do your bag.
‐ Alright, alright, alright.
Thank you so much.
‐ Oh. I'm, I'm so sorry.
‐ Oh, that's okay. That's okay.
‐ I'm sorry.
‐ It's okay. It's okay.
[sighs]
Thank you, sir.
(Larry)
'Excuse me.'
'I'm sorry. Very sorry.'
You know I love
the way you demanded
the no‐smoking section
at the ticket counter.
Oh!
I never knew you could
be so forceful.
Well, there's a lot about me
you don't know, honey.
But you'll have the rest
of our lives to find out.
Let me guess.
Honeymooners?
[chuckles]
Yes, we are.
So tell me, was it
a prearranged marriage..
...or did you have to pay
for her with livestock?
Gee...she looks like
she could command at least..
...two sheep and a goat.
Do you know, my Aunt Uvula
used to say
"Just give me an ox.
I don't care about the dowry
I don't care about
those little towels that you‐‐"
Excuse him.
Excuse him.
He's on anti‐nausea medication.
[exhales sharply]
Balki, these people
don't want to be disturbed.
Now, buckle up.
But, cousin, as you know
I prefer suspenders
to a belt buckle anytime
both for aesthetic
and practical considerations.
‐ As I once‐‐
‐ Seat belt. Oh, here.
‐ Here.
‐ Oh..
‐ Comfy?
‐ Yeah.
‐ Tight enough?
‐ Oh, yes!
Balki...put
the tray table up.
Well, I‐I‐I‐‐
Put the tray table up now.
Stop it!
You're not ever...
gonna do that again..
...are you?
Cousin, I‐I have to
just say here, he has a point.
It is..
It‐it's‐it's very disruptive
to the travel experience.
‐ Come here.
‐ Oh, cousin, no!
‐ I promise I'll never touch it.
‐ Come here. Come here.
Come here!
Come here ! Come on!
[groaning]
Oh.
[sighs]
[snapping]
♪ Trailers for sale or rent ♪
♪ Rooms to let 50 cent ♪
Balki.
♪ No phone no pool no pets ♪
♪ I ain't got
no cigarettes ♪
♪ Two hours of pushing‐‐ ♪
‐ Balki!
‐ Aah!
Why you did that for?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I forgot, I forgot to tell you.
This is a...no‐singing section.
Hi, guys.
Jennifer! Mary Anne!
Oh!
[laughing]
Oh, we just wanted
to say "Hello"
because we won't have a chance
to talk during the flight.
Well, then, I have
to give you these now.
I, I baked us a little
treat...for our trip.
‐ Those look good.
‐ What are they?
These are honey‐roasted
chalkidikis.
Hmm.
What?
Honey‐roasted
chalkidikis
the traditional
travel food of Mypos. Cousin.
Yeah.. No, I'll wait
for the honey‐roasted peanuts..
...the traditional
travel food of America.
Balki, these are delicious.
Oh, thank you very much.
They're‐they're not only tasty
and nutritious
but they have a shelf‐life
of over 120 years.
(Pilot)
'This is |Captain Hogan.'
'Will the flight attendants
please prepare for departure.'
‐ Seatbelts on.
‐ Oh.
‐ Would you buckle up.
‐ Buckle up.
[instrumental music]
(Balki)
'Cousin, we're fly‐ing!'
Larry..
...I feel terrible,
and so does Mary Anne.
Well, maybe
it's something you ate.
What'd you have for breakfast
this morning?
Well, just a...little coffee,
dry toast
and that chalkidiki
Balki gave us.
Jennifer, think very carefully.
What kind of toast was it?
Balki, it wasn't the toast.
What's in those chalkidikis?
Cousin, nothing special.
Just, uh, you know
uh, flour, eggs, honey, yeast..
...um, goat spleen..
...aged at room temperature
until it has that
little green fur on it.
'Salt and pepper to taste‐‐'
Excuse me.
Little green fur?
Cousin, I know
what you're thinking.
You're thinking
I should have waited
until the goat spleen
fur turned blue
but that's‐that's only
what they do
on the south side of Mypos.
‐ It's a regional thing.
‐ No, no, no.
That's not what
I'm talking about.
Those chalkidikis
made her sick.
I find that hard to believe.
I've been eating them
since I was five years old
and they never made me sick..
...un‐unless I have them
with milk.
But‐but you don't combine
spleen with dairy products.
It's, uh, common knowledge.
What happens if you do?
You wish you were dead.
Ah.
‐ Mary Anne?
‐ Hm?
H‐how do you feel?
I wish I were dead.
Not a good sign, cousin.
Did you have any dairy
products this morning?
Just the cream in my coffee.
That would do it.
Jennifer, maybe
you should get help
from the flight attendants
in first class.
No, Larry, they'll think
we can't handle the job
and we'll lose the route.
Hey, don't worry.
I‐I had a glass of milk, and..
...I think that will make
me feel better.
Think again.
Ohh!
Cousin, uh, remind me
to put a warning label
on any future chalkidikis.
Balki, are they
gonna be alright?
Yeah, of course, they're gonna
be fine in just a few hours.
But until then,
it won't be pretty.
(male #1)
'Hey, what do you have to do
to get a drink on this flight?'
Oh, I‐I guess, I better explain
to the other passengers.
I'm sure they'll understand.
No, no, no.
You can't do that.
Those people
don't wanna understand.
All they want is service.
Well, of course, how are
they going to get service
with, uh, Jennifer
and Marry Anne so sick?
We'll do it ourselves.
‐ What?
‐ Come on.
All we have to do
is pass out a few magazines
pour some coffee,
heat up a few TV dinners.
‐ Let's go.
‐ Cousin, I‐I want the blue one.
No, it doesn't make
any difference.
No, I really want it.
‐ I need the blue‐‐
‐ Alright. Alright.
Alright. Alright. Here.
'Okay.'
Let's head 'em up..
...and move 'em out.
Maybe this little thing
down here is the brake.
[crash]
Yep.
That was it.
Sir, may I interest you
in a refreshing beverage?
White Russian.
Oh, my goodness, no, no, no.
Ah, many people
make that mistake.
I'm actually
an olive skinned Myposian.
Balki, it's a drink.
Oh, that White Russian!
Coming up.
‐ Hup, ho!
‐ Ho!
Ice.
‐ Nice.
‐ Ice.
Nice twice.
‐ Vodka.
‐ Alodka.
Oh, hup.
Ho. Hey.
Kahlua.
For you‐a.
‐ Hup. Ho!
‐ 'Ho!'
Cream.
A dream.
Hup, ho!
Swizzle.
A bizzle.
[all clapping]
I thought you guys
were just passengers.
Oh, no, no, no.
Uh, we work for the airline.
We're, uh,
quality control experts.
Yes, whenever we find quality..
...we try to control it.
Don't go away, anybody.
You don't wanna miss
the dinner show.
[applauding]
Balki.
Balki.
Balki, this is great.
For the first time,
I'm helping Jennifer
out of a jam
I didn't get her into.
Come on. Let's get
the dinners ready.
(Hogan)
'Ladies and gentlemen,
this is Captain Hogan again.'
'Please fasten your seat belts.'
'It appears,
we'll be experiencing'
'a little turbulence.'
Cousin..
...what‐what is turbulence?
Is‐is that regular?
‐ Yes, it is.
‐ Oh, good.
‐ Aah!
‐ Aah!
Yeah.
Is that decaf?
Yes, it is.
‐ Cream or sugar?
‐ Yes, please.
Aah!
Well, the cream
is‐is by your left foot
and, uh, the sugar..
...sugar is bad for you.
Hey, you, muck!
My baked potato's cold.
Let me heat that up for you.
Will you get these dirty trays?
Dirty trays?
We haven't even eaten yet.
‐ Yeah.
‐ Yeah, when are we gonna eat?
I'll‐I'll get your dinners
out as fast as I can.
Balki, help me.
Balki, rows 22 through 24
still need their dinners.
and‐and we've got
to pick up the trays
from rows 19 through 21.
23a wants a club soda
with a twist
and 86 the 7 and 7 on, uh, 26b.
10‐4, cousin.
Listen..
...who gets
the veterinarian supper?
‐ Uh, 19c.
‐ Okay.
Oh. Oh. Potato's ready.
‐ Ow!
‐ Oh‐oh, cousin!
‐ Ooh.
‐ Aah! Aah!
Aah! Aah!
Ow. Ow. Ooh. Ooh.
‐ Aah.
‐ Ooh! Aah!
Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Thank you.
You, pick up the dirty trays.
I‐I'll fix the rest
of the dinners.
Okay.
‐ 'Hey, what's taking so long?'
‐ 'Yeah, what's going on?'
‐ I‐I just..
‐ Where's my vegetarian meal?
Oh, sir, I‐I know
just where it is.
It's in
the Mr. microphone oven.
I'll go get it.
‐ There.
‐ 'Hey, hey, hey. Wait!'
Wait a minute, now.
They‐they've already eaten.
That should be our food.
It's mine now, buddy.
Alright.
Here‐here you go.
Here you go, sir.
One veterinarian supper.
But this is steak.
I'm a vegetarian.
Well, I added that.
Our veterans deserve the best.
There you go.
‐ Thank you.
‐ Yeah.
You promised to get me
a brownie, dear.
Well, I think
they're out of them, dear.
I want a brownie!
Uh, I think, I can get you
an extra brownie.
Thank you.
Why does the broad
get an extra brownie?
Broad? Hey, you can't call my
bride a broad, buddy.
You wanna step outside?
‐ Yeah. I'd like to.
‐ Well, come on.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Look, I know we're all
a little irritable
because we haven't eaten‐‐
Yeah, and it's all your fault.
‐ Yeah, when are we gonna eat?
‐ 'Yeah!'
Let's take over the kitchen.
(all)
Yeah.
Cousin, need some help?
Hey, why are you on a coffee
break when I'm starving?
Yeah, let's get our own food.
Hold it right there!
One more step, and no movie!
My God!
I think he means it!
What is the movie anyway?
Oh, it's a good one.
"Ernest goes to camp."
Get him!
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Now, just‐just get back,
funky cats.
Now, I may be mistaken
but I'm picking up some
bad vibes from you people.
You're supposed to be going
off to have a nice vacation.
Why aren't you happy
and joyful?
Why are you acting
like a lunch mob?
Because you're the worst flight
attendants we've ever seen.
(all)
Yeah!
Well, I got a hot flash for you.
We're not flight attendants
at all.
Here are your
flight attendants
and they happen to be two
of the best in the business.
Unfortunately, at the moment
they're two of the sickest
in the business.
Yeah, well, cry me a river.
I paid good money for good
service and I'm not getting it.
We understand that.
The only reason
we're only doing this
is to help these ladies out.
I mean, if somebody complains
they could lose their jobs.
Look, look, is it‐is it
too much to ask
that‐that we all just help
out a little ?
Just sit down
and be patient
and‐and we'll get to you.
Think about it.
You're fighting
over airline food.
Yeah, he's got a point,
my brownie was awful.
I thought the Jell‐O
was pretty good.
But I'm still hungry.
You know what?
I don't know how‐how
Jennifer and Mary Anne
serve dinner at all with the
plane bouncing around like this.
(Hogan)
'Ladies and gentlemen,
this is Captain Hogan again.'
'I think the turbulence
is finally behind us.'
'Flight attendants may now
begin serving dinner.'
(Balki)
'Girls, I'm glad
you're feeling better.'
You know, Jennifer,
after trying to do your job
I have a whole
new respect for you.
No‐no‐not that I didn't
respect you before.
Oh, no. I‐I understand.
Oh, look.
Someone left their jacket.
Jennifer, uh..
Although you feel fine now
I‐I‐I got to warn you
that there is one
nasty little side effect.
For about a week
you're going to have
a very bad reaction to plaid.
[chuckles]
A bad reaction to plaid?
Oh, Balki.
Well, I guess, I'll turn
this in to lost and..
[theme music]