Perfect Strangers (1986–1993): Season 3, Episode 2 - Weigh to Go Buddy - full transcript
Larry makes Balki promise to help him lose weight, and a Mypiot never breaks his promise...
* Sometimes
the world looks perfect
* Nothing to rearrange
* Sometimes you just
get a feeling
* Like you need
some kinda change
* No matter what the odds
are this time
* Nothing's gonna
stand in my way
* This flame in my heart
like a long lost friend
* Gives every dark street
a light at the end
* Standing tall
* On the wings of my dream
* Rise and fall
* On the wings of my dream
* The rain and thunder
* The wind and haze
* I'm bound for better days
* It's my life and my dream
* And nothing's gonna
stop me now *
Balki, if you give
away any more stuff
to the neighborhood
clothing drive,
Well, cousin,
I like to live
by one principle.
"Happy is the heart
of the cheerful giver."
Besides, these
aren't my things,
they're yours.
Mine?
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Uh...
This is my high school
chorus jacket.
There are a lot
of memories
in this jacket.
Oh!
Maybe you should take
some of the memories
out of the jacket.
I don't understand.
This always
fit me perfectly.
Now, cousin, hiding
is not the answer.
Oh, my Lord!
I've gained
seven pounds!
Hi, Balki.
Hello, hello.
Hi.
Hello.
We'll be in
Australia all week,
I hope it helps.
Cousin, look, look
the beautiful things
they bring me.
All that stuff
is too big for us now.
Now you can
take this, too.
Larry, this is
a nice jacket.
Why don't you want it?
Well, for one thing
it's out of style now.
And for another thing,
he gained seven pounds
and it don't fit.
Of course most of
it's muscle.
You look just fine.
Doesn't he, Mary Anne?
Well, if I'd gained
seven pounds, I'd die.
I think a little tummy
on a man is cute.
Uh, let's go, Mary Anne.
We'll see you guys,
Saturday, okay?
Bye, Balki.
Did you hear that?
Jennifer thinks that
you and your tummy
are cute.
Sure! Like
the Pillsbury Doughboy
is cute!
Well, I wasn't aware
I was panicking.
Let's see.
If I lose
a pound a day,
I can do it.
Oh.
Now, now,
cousin, cousin,
you, you know
how much
I think of you
and that I have
your best interest
at heart,
so you got to
believe me
when I tell you,
no way.
You don't think
I can do this, huh?
Well, I guess
you don't know
Larry Appleton
as well as
you think you do.
All this takes
is self-discipline.
Sheer, iron-willed,
self-discipline.
Well, you wouldn't
have to iron your will
so much
if you let me put
you on the Mypos diet.
The Mypos diet?
Oh, the Mypos diet.
What do you do,
cut down
on the pig snout?
No, it isn't the pig snout
itself that's fattening.
It's all that junk
you put on top of it.
A country whose king
weighs 300 pounds?
He has a gland problem.
Balki, you told me
he holds the world record
for eating jelly donuts.
If I'm gonna go a diet,
I choose an American diet.
We know about dieting.
No.
And all it takes
is will power.
And when it comes to food,
I am Mr. Willpower.
let me put you
on the Mypos diet...
Forget the Mypos diet.
Yes,
but listen to this...
Balki,
I don't want
to hear another word
about the Mypos diet
in my lifetime.
Well, don't worry
about that,
Mr. Gut Buster.
Freeze!
I noticed earlier
this evening
So, this,
this is what happens
to Mr. Willpower
when the sun
goes down.
Okay, okay.
You were right.
I can't do this
on my own.
All that exercise
and no food.
That, that's no way
to lose weight.
I, I don't know
what I was thinking.
You were right.
I was wrong.
I'm gonna need
some help after all.
So,
maybe you could
give me that
Mypos diet.
Let me get
this straight.
You
want me to
give you that
Yes.
Yes, give me
the Mypos diet.
Well, I'm gonna have
a little bit of trouble
with that. Why?
Because I'm not allowed
to mention it
in your lifetime.
You're not gonna
make this easy
for me, are you?
Hmm, no, no.
No.
Balki, please.
Well, now, cousin,
we don't want
to be hasty.
Are you sure you
want to give up
the Larry diet?
You know, the one
where you eat
nothing all day
and then at night
you eat everything
in the refrigerator
except the light bulb.
Yes.
You did leave
the light bulb,
didn't you?
Yes, yes, I did.
That's very nice.
I renounce
the Larry diet.
Now will you
give me the Mypos diet?
I can't.
Why not?
You made fun of
my king.
I'll take it back.
I love the king.
I'm sorry about
his gland problem.
He has big bones, too.
The biggest.
The best.
He is the envy
of monarchs
everywhere.
He is.
so that I'll give you
the Mypos diet.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
Yes, I am.
All right, cousin.
I'll give you
the Mypos diet.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Balki, I don't
have to eat
any strange
native dishes, do I?
Well, of course
you don't.
Don't be ridiculous.
You're not allergic
to fish eye soup, are you?
Ugh!
Well, it's not
as bad as it sounds.
you have to help me
not to cheat?
Will you do that?
Of course, I will.
that's not on the diet.
There.
I did it.
What did you
just do to me?
I just performed
the Mypos ritual
of promise.
It means
the earth may crack,
the sky may fall,
but I will never,
never, never,
break my promise.
LARRY:
It's been four days.
I can't believe it!
I've lost three pounds!
The Mypos diet works.
Oh, cousin, you don't
need to thank me.
Oh, yes, I do.
No, no, no. You don't.
Yes, I do.
No, you don't.
Cut it out. Now.
You know, Balki,
I bet if I weigh myself
without my shoes on,
I'll weigh, I'll...
Balki.
Minus five pounds?
What did you
do to the scale?
Two pounds?
I've gained
two pounds?
Yes, yes, you did.
Balki, I gained weight.
I could have
eaten chocolate
and gained weight!
Instead, I spent
four days
eating fish eyes
and-and pig snout
and little
squishy things
I don't even
wanna know about.
Now, listen, cousin,
let me
explain to you.
Uh, the first few days
of the Mypos diet,
you bloat up a little bit.
But the weight will go away.
You'll see.
It will?
You'll feel better.
Fish eye soup again?
Fish eye soup again.
Soup is good food.
Now, I want you
to eat it while it's hot.
If you let it get cold,
the eyes will get tough.
Hello. Pioli's Pizza?
This is Larry Appleton.
Yes, it's me again.
I want that pizza now!
Because there
is a man here
who has not had
real food for five days
and he is very,
very hungry!
Balki!
I thought you were out
collecting clothes
for the poor.
Well, cousin, I was.
Look how generous
people were.
They give the pants
off their backs.
Winter is coming.
Go back out there
and get wool!
What am I saying?
Wool is itchy.
Who that man?
Census taker.
Two.
You know,
I tell you what.
A lot of my clothes
just are way
too big for me.
Why don't you back,
go through my closet
and take whatever
you like?
But, cousin,
you know,
Well, I'm, I'm being
generous again!
Sorry, I wanted it
to be a surprise.
It's his birthday.
You keep the change now.
Cousin, you know...
this shirt,
I think, still fits you.
Oh, doesn't matter.
Did you get the sweaters?
What sweaters?
All my cashmere sweaters!
Take them! Take them!
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
Well, you know,
Oh, hey, I decided I don't
need to lose
all that weight anyway.
I'm perfectly happy
the way I am.
I'll go get the pizza.
Oh. Oh, I know.
It's the promise thing, right?
Balki, you can forget
about your promise.
Uh, we can go on
with our lives.
Balki, Balki, Balki.
This isn't Mypos.
It's America.
People break promises
all the time.
That's why we all
that Indian land.
I'll go get the pizza.
Okay, okay, forget
about the pizza.
You know, I,
I don't even know
why we're having
this discussion.
The diet is over
and that's that.
Ha, ha!
I mean, it... It's just
a few extra pounds.
I can learn live with it.
Tell you what.
I'm gonna go out
and grab a bite to eat.
You're not going anywhere.
I'll stay. I'll be good.
Just put me down.
What was that?
What was what?
Oh!
Goodness gracious!
Those are cookies.
I wonder who put them there.
I bet it wasn't
the Cookie Monster.
Balki, I don't know what
you're talking about.
Those things have probably
been in the couch for years.
I bought it used.
Well, I just have
to look myself.
A-ha!
Is this all of it?
Yes, yes.
You know, I can always
tell when you're lying
because you say
everything twice.
I'm not lying.
I am not lying.
Well, then, I will
find the things myself.
And I'll use
your conscience
as my guide.
Argh!
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
I wanna thank you
for saving me from myself.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You're a real friend.
Ah! Ah!
Ah! Ah!
Give me that.
I'm eating this,
and you can't stop me.
No!
Stay back!
I'm not afraid to use this!
All right.
Go ahead.
Eat your stupid donut.
What?
Go ahead and eat it.
If it's that important
to you, go ahead.
I don't care.
You're not
gonna stop me?
No.
Well, I break my promise.
Balki, you said a Mypiot
never breaks his promise.
Well, a Mypiot
never lived with you.
On Mypos, when you ask
somebody to help you,
you let them help you.
You don't fight them.
You are the one
that want to lose weight
and you make me
do all the work.
You lie to me
and you trick me,
and now this.
And I can't
take it anymore.
I haven't got time
for the pain.
So, I'm breaking
my promise.
There.
I hope you're happy.
Balki, I'm... I'm sorry
I did this to you. I...
When I asked you
for help, I... I meant it.
But I never had
to lose weight before.
I... I never understood
why they didn't just eat less.
Look, the past few days,
I've learned how hard it is.
I should never have
made you take
all the responsibility.
Uh. Oh!
I wish there was
some way I could
make it up to you.
Well...
There is?
I'll do anything.
You could
go back on the diet.
I can't do that.
Well, then I'll just
have to be a Mypiot
without honor.
I suppose I could
get used to
wearing the hood.
The hood?
Yes. It's... It's made
from stinky
itchy goat hair
and it makes
your skin break out.
But that don't
matter so much
because no one
will ever see
my face again.
All right. I'll go
back on the diet.
Okay.
Cousin, hurry up.
Uh, the sooner
you weigh yourself
the sooner we can
get something to eat.
Larry, you look great.
Yeah, have you
lost weight?
Mary Anne,
he's been on a diet.
Oh, right.
Come on, cousin.
We want to see how
much less there is of you.
All right, now you know
the important thing
is not whether
I've gained
or lost weight.
It's that
I've grown as a person.
The inner me is stronger.
Well, we want
to see how much
the outer you weighs.
Well, my self-esteem
does not depend
on a bunch
of numbers on a scale.
Yes! Yes! I did it!
I've lost seven pounds.
Oh, cousin!
Very good!
Come on.
Let's go to dinner.
the world looks perfect
* Nothing to rearrange
* Sometimes you just
get a feeling
* Like you need
some kinda change
* No matter what the odds
are this time
* Nothing's gonna
stand in my way
* This flame in my heart
like a long lost friend
* Gives every dark street
a light at the end
* Standing tall
* On the wings of my dream
* Rise and fall
* On the wings of my dream
* The rain and thunder
* The wind and haze
* I'm bound for better days
* It's my life and my dream
* And nothing's gonna
stop me now *
Balki, if you give
away any more stuff
to the neighborhood
clothing drive,
Well, cousin,
I like to live
by one principle.
"Happy is the heart
of the cheerful giver."
Besides, these
aren't my things,
they're yours.
Mine?
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Uh...
This is my high school
chorus jacket.
There are a lot
of memories
in this jacket.
Oh!
Maybe you should take
some of the memories
out of the jacket.
I don't understand.
This always
fit me perfectly.
Now, cousin, hiding
is not the answer.
Oh, my Lord!
I've gained
seven pounds!
Hi, Balki.
Hello, hello.
Hi.
Hello.
We'll be in
Australia all week,
I hope it helps.
Cousin, look, look
the beautiful things
they bring me.
All that stuff
is too big for us now.
Now you can
take this, too.
Larry, this is
a nice jacket.
Why don't you want it?
Well, for one thing
it's out of style now.
And for another thing,
he gained seven pounds
and it don't fit.
Of course most of
it's muscle.
You look just fine.
Doesn't he, Mary Anne?
Well, if I'd gained
seven pounds, I'd die.
I think a little tummy
on a man is cute.
Uh, let's go, Mary Anne.
We'll see you guys,
Saturday, okay?
Bye, Balki.
Did you hear that?
Jennifer thinks that
you and your tummy
are cute.
Sure! Like
the Pillsbury Doughboy
is cute!
Well, I wasn't aware
I was panicking.
Let's see.
If I lose
a pound a day,
I can do it.
Oh.
Now, now,
cousin, cousin,
you, you know
how much
I think of you
and that I have
your best interest
at heart,
so you got to
believe me
when I tell you,
no way.
You don't think
I can do this, huh?
Well, I guess
you don't know
Larry Appleton
as well as
you think you do.
All this takes
is self-discipline.
Sheer, iron-willed,
self-discipline.
Well, you wouldn't
have to iron your will
so much
if you let me put
you on the Mypos diet.
The Mypos diet?
Oh, the Mypos diet.
What do you do,
cut down
on the pig snout?
No, it isn't the pig snout
itself that's fattening.
It's all that junk
you put on top of it.
A country whose king
weighs 300 pounds?
He has a gland problem.
Balki, you told me
he holds the world record
for eating jelly donuts.
If I'm gonna go a diet,
I choose an American diet.
We know about dieting.
No.
And all it takes
is will power.
And when it comes to food,
I am Mr. Willpower.
let me put you
on the Mypos diet...
Forget the Mypos diet.
Yes,
but listen to this...
Balki,
I don't want
to hear another word
about the Mypos diet
in my lifetime.
Well, don't worry
about that,
Mr. Gut Buster.
Freeze!
I noticed earlier
this evening
So, this,
this is what happens
to Mr. Willpower
when the sun
goes down.
Okay, okay.
You were right.
I can't do this
on my own.
All that exercise
and no food.
That, that's no way
to lose weight.
I, I don't know
what I was thinking.
You were right.
I was wrong.
I'm gonna need
some help after all.
So,
maybe you could
give me that
Mypos diet.
Let me get
this straight.
You
want me to
give you that
Yes.
Yes, give me
the Mypos diet.
Well, I'm gonna have
a little bit of trouble
with that. Why?
Because I'm not allowed
to mention it
in your lifetime.
You're not gonna
make this easy
for me, are you?
Hmm, no, no.
No.
Balki, please.
Well, now, cousin,
we don't want
to be hasty.
Are you sure you
want to give up
the Larry diet?
You know, the one
where you eat
nothing all day
and then at night
you eat everything
in the refrigerator
except the light bulb.
Yes.
You did leave
the light bulb,
didn't you?
Yes, yes, I did.
That's very nice.
I renounce
the Larry diet.
Now will you
give me the Mypos diet?
I can't.
Why not?
You made fun of
my king.
I'll take it back.
I love the king.
I'm sorry about
his gland problem.
He has big bones, too.
The biggest.
The best.
He is the envy
of monarchs
everywhere.
He is.
so that I'll give you
the Mypos diet.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
Yes, I am.
All right, cousin.
I'll give you
the Mypos diet.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Balki, I don't
have to eat
any strange
native dishes, do I?
Well, of course
you don't.
Don't be ridiculous.
You're not allergic
to fish eye soup, are you?
Ugh!
Well, it's not
as bad as it sounds.
you have to help me
not to cheat?
Will you do that?
Of course, I will.
that's not on the diet.
There.
I did it.
What did you
just do to me?
I just performed
the Mypos ritual
of promise.
It means
the earth may crack,
the sky may fall,
but I will never,
never, never,
break my promise.
LARRY:
It's been four days.
I can't believe it!
I've lost three pounds!
The Mypos diet works.
Oh, cousin, you don't
need to thank me.
Oh, yes, I do.
No, no, no. You don't.
Yes, I do.
No, you don't.
Cut it out. Now.
You know, Balki,
I bet if I weigh myself
without my shoes on,
I'll weigh, I'll...
Balki.
Minus five pounds?
What did you
do to the scale?
Two pounds?
I've gained
two pounds?
Yes, yes, you did.
Balki, I gained weight.
I could have
eaten chocolate
and gained weight!
Instead, I spent
four days
eating fish eyes
and-and pig snout
and little
squishy things
I don't even
wanna know about.
Now, listen, cousin,
let me
explain to you.
Uh, the first few days
of the Mypos diet,
you bloat up a little bit.
But the weight will go away.
You'll see.
It will?
You'll feel better.
Fish eye soup again?
Fish eye soup again.
Soup is good food.
Now, I want you
to eat it while it's hot.
If you let it get cold,
the eyes will get tough.
Hello. Pioli's Pizza?
This is Larry Appleton.
Yes, it's me again.
I want that pizza now!
Because there
is a man here
who has not had
real food for five days
and he is very,
very hungry!
Balki!
I thought you were out
collecting clothes
for the poor.
Well, cousin, I was.
Look how generous
people were.
They give the pants
off their backs.
Winter is coming.
Go back out there
and get wool!
What am I saying?
Wool is itchy.
Who that man?
Census taker.
Two.
You know,
I tell you what.
A lot of my clothes
just are way
too big for me.
Why don't you back,
go through my closet
and take whatever
you like?
But, cousin,
you know,
Well, I'm, I'm being
generous again!
Sorry, I wanted it
to be a surprise.
It's his birthday.
You keep the change now.
Cousin, you know...
this shirt,
I think, still fits you.
Oh, doesn't matter.
Did you get the sweaters?
What sweaters?
All my cashmere sweaters!
Take them! Take them!
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
Well, you know,
Oh, hey, I decided I don't
need to lose
all that weight anyway.
I'm perfectly happy
the way I am.
I'll go get the pizza.
Oh. Oh, I know.
It's the promise thing, right?
Balki, you can forget
about your promise.
Uh, we can go on
with our lives.
Balki, Balki, Balki.
This isn't Mypos.
It's America.
People break promises
all the time.
That's why we all
that Indian land.
I'll go get the pizza.
Okay, okay, forget
about the pizza.
You know, I,
I don't even know
why we're having
this discussion.
The diet is over
and that's that.
Ha, ha!
I mean, it... It's just
a few extra pounds.
I can learn live with it.
Tell you what.
I'm gonna go out
and grab a bite to eat.
You're not going anywhere.
I'll stay. I'll be good.
Just put me down.
What was that?
What was what?
Oh!
Goodness gracious!
Those are cookies.
I wonder who put them there.
I bet it wasn't
the Cookie Monster.
Balki, I don't know what
you're talking about.
Those things have probably
been in the couch for years.
I bought it used.
Well, I just have
to look myself.
A-ha!
Is this all of it?
Yes, yes.
You know, I can always
tell when you're lying
because you say
everything twice.
I'm not lying.
I am not lying.
Well, then, I will
find the things myself.
And I'll use
your conscience
as my guide.
Argh!
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
I wanna thank you
for saving me from myself.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You're a real friend.
Ah! Ah!
Ah! Ah!
Give me that.
I'm eating this,
and you can't stop me.
No!
Stay back!
I'm not afraid to use this!
All right.
Go ahead.
Eat your stupid donut.
What?
Go ahead and eat it.
If it's that important
to you, go ahead.
I don't care.
You're not
gonna stop me?
No.
Well, I break my promise.
Balki, you said a Mypiot
never breaks his promise.
Well, a Mypiot
never lived with you.
On Mypos, when you ask
somebody to help you,
you let them help you.
You don't fight them.
You are the one
that want to lose weight
and you make me
do all the work.
You lie to me
and you trick me,
and now this.
And I can't
take it anymore.
I haven't got time
for the pain.
So, I'm breaking
my promise.
There.
I hope you're happy.
Balki, I'm... I'm sorry
I did this to you. I...
When I asked you
for help, I... I meant it.
But I never had
to lose weight before.
I... I never understood
why they didn't just eat less.
Look, the past few days,
I've learned how hard it is.
I should never have
made you take
all the responsibility.
Uh. Oh!
I wish there was
some way I could
make it up to you.
Well...
There is?
I'll do anything.
You could
go back on the diet.
I can't do that.
Well, then I'll just
have to be a Mypiot
without honor.
I suppose I could
get used to
wearing the hood.
The hood?
Yes. It's... It's made
from stinky
itchy goat hair
and it makes
your skin break out.
But that don't
matter so much
because no one
will ever see
my face again.
All right. I'll go
back on the diet.
Okay.
Cousin, hurry up.
Uh, the sooner
you weigh yourself
the sooner we can
get something to eat.
Larry, you look great.
Yeah, have you
lost weight?
Mary Anne,
he's been on a diet.
Oh, right.
Come on, cousin.
We want to see how
much less there is of you.
All right, now you know
the important thing
is not whether
I've gained
or lost weight.
It's that
I've grown as a person.
The inner me is stronger.
Well, we want
to see how much
the outer you weighs.
Well, my self-esteem
does not depend
on a bunch
of numbers on a scale.
Yes! Yes! I did it!
I've lost seven pounds.
Oh, cousin!
Very good!
Come on.
Let's go to dinner.