Perfect Strangers (1986–1993): Season 3, Episode 18 - The Defiant Guys - full transcript

* Sometimes
the world looks perfect

* Sometimes you just
get a feeling

* Like you need
some kinda change

* Nothing's gonna
stand in my way

* This flame in my heart
like a long lost friend

* Gives every dark street
a light at the end

* Standing tall

* On the wings of my dream

* Rise and fall

* On the wings of my dream

* The rain and thunder



* The wind and haze

* I'm bound for better days

* It's my life and my dream

* Nothing's gonna
stop me now *

Balki, will you come on?

If we don't leave
for work right now

all the really good donuts
will be gone.

Okay, cousin, I'm ready,
I'm ready.

Hello?
WOMAN ON PHONE: Balki!

It's for you.

I think it's from Mypos,
I hear chickens
in the background.

Nay?

Uh, dazo, yaya!

Who is it, your mother?
No, it's my yaya!



Your yaya?
My grandmother.

Oh!
WOMAN: Balki!

Uh, nay, yaya.

Okay. Okay.

Bye-bye, babe.

Cousin, the most
wonderful news.

My yaya is coming
to America.

Well, that's great!

Grandma Bartokomous
is coming to America.

Get out of the city.
She's coming too?

You just told me
she was coming.

No. Um... No.

My Yaya Bartokomous
is not coming to America.

This is Yaya Biki
from my mother's side.

who's 106 years old?

No, this is the Yaya Biki
who has a lounge act in Vegas.

What I meant was,
I can't believe someone

who's 106 is gonna be
making a trip like this.

Isn't it too much
for her?

but not for my yaya.

This woman, every morning
before the sun come up,

she takes the goats
six miles uphill to graze them

then she come back
down the hill

and cook breakfast
for 26 men,

then after the 26 men
go out to the fields

she does 45 minutes
of low-impact aerobics.

So you see,
for someone over 100

she's very much
an 80s woman.

Balki?

What can I do you for?

Could we have a chat?

Balki...

When you brought
100 pounds of garlic

into the apartment,
I said to myself,

"Okay, so Yaya Biki
loves scampi."

When you told me
she likes to keep fresh eels

in the bathtub,

I said to myself,
"Hey, no problem.

"I take showers."

But--
It's the cow, isn't it?

Well, yes.

The cow...

Bothers me.

I want Yaya Biki
to feel at home,

I really do!

But have you ever thought that
she'd like to see how we live?

Experience the American way
of living?

Things like, oh... Uh,
I don't know, uh, jeez.

What example
can I think of?

Uh... Oh!

Beef on the table
instead of beef at the table?

Sorry.

Please,

can we get rid
of the cow?

Well, cousin, I'm just
trying to give Yaya Biki

a few of the little
comforts of home.

See? Look,
I made her this blanket.

I weave it myself
so that she won't get cold

while she's
watching Letterman.

It's beautiful.
How about that chair?

That chair
is just like the one
she has on Mypos.

Look, I don't mind
the chair.

I mind the cow.

Please... Let's take it back?

We can take it back,
can't we?

Okay, we can 86 the cow.

She's just a rental.

Good, I'll go change clothes.

Ah, cousin,
before you go, um...

You ought to know
that there may be a penalty

for returning her unmilked.

I'll chance it.

(ALL SINGING SHE'S A JOLLY
GOOD FELLOW IN MYPOSIAN)

* Ipepita irinki
halla hop chop yop yop

* Ipepita irinki
halla hop chop yop yop

* Ipepita irinki

* Halla hop chop yop yop

* Aynel

* Och viddi voy poy

* Dimina babbasticki *

Very good.

I think
For She's a Jolly Good Fellow

really works in Myposian.

Oh, real toe tapper.

Everybody please be at
the apartment at 7:00

so that when Cousin Larry
and I arrive with Yaya Biki

you can jump out
and yell "surprise!"

Wait, wait,
hold on, honey.

and yell at a woman
who's 106?

No problem.

Of course,
she has better legs.

Now, I got to run.

I got to pick up party hats
and half a pound of head cheese.

And listen, don't forget
to bring your dancing feet.

Yaya Biki loves
to party down.

One hundred and six

and as strong
as a sea turtle.

I wonder what I'll be like
when I'm old.

Probably a lot like
Yaya Biki.

Why, Harriette, you think so?

Sure I do, honey.

I'll get that.

Hello?

No, Mr. Bartokomous
is gone for the day.

I'm his cousin.

Oh, no.

Yeah. I... I understand.

Uh... Thank you.

Goodbye.

That was the airline.

to change planes in New York
and, uh...

Her heart stopped.

She's dead.

Jennifer...
Oh!

Are you sure we have
enough potato chips?

Balki, you already
bought 15 bags

and we only have
10 people coming.

You're right,
maybe we do need more.

Cousin! Cousin, look!
Look, look what we did!

Does this say

"Welcome to America"
or what?

Well, yes, it does.

Uh,
Jennifer and Mary Anne,

don't you need
to hurry upstairs

and change for the party?

Larry, we have changed
for the party.

And lovely you are too.

but Lydia is wearing
that exact same dress.

But if you don't mind--
Oh, no, no, I'll change.

Mary Anne, did I mention
that Harriette is wearing

what you have on?

Wow, small world.

I better change.

Uh, cousin,

is 15 bags
of potato chips enough?

We have 10 guests coming,

I made four gallons
of sheep dip.

Balki, sit down.

Okay.

I guess I could
take a break.

I have been running around

like a chicken with
his head glued on all day.

Balki, the airline called.

Yaya Biki is...

Is going to be late.

How late?

A lot.

Cousin, what is it?

Yaya Biki

is not coming.

Something happened.

She bought the farm,
didn't she?

Well, yes, she did.

Oh! Oh, this is wonderful!

She's always
wanted that farm.

Of course,
she can't come now

she's got to go out
and buy sheep and goats and--

No, no, Balki, Balki.
I don't know what all.

Balki, "Bought the farm"
is an expression.

What does it mean?

but Yaya Biki got off

the plane in New York

and died.

Okay, so we got
10 guests coming.

Fifteen bags
of potato chips enough?

Balki, did you understand
what I said?

Yes, you said
Yaya Biki is dead.

But that don't solve
the chip problem.

Where are you going?

If we run out of munchies,
this party's gonna be a dud.

Cousin...

Wasn't that
the best circus you ever see?

How about that Joko
The Human Fireball?

What an entertainer.

I just hope they got him
to the hospital okay.

The daring young man
on the flying trapeze...

What kind of a person

would climb 25 feet
up in the air

then just drop off
and then swing back

and forth,
and back and forth,

and then just
hand himself to somebody?

Cousin, cousin, I have
a storm in my brain.

Why don't we
invite the girls down

and rent a movie
and get ourselves a pizza--

Balki, Balki, Balki,

For the past three weeks,

zoo, movie, and video arcade
in Chicago.

Well, excuse me
for being fun.

Okay, I know.

in our mouths.

Balki, Balki,

this is Cousin Larry.

You don't have to do this.

No, cousin, it's no bother.
I love making popcorn.

No, no, not that.

I mean, you don't have
to pretend

you're happy around me.

What are you talking about?

I'm happy.

I am happy.
No, you're not.

I'm happy!
No, you're not.

I'm happy.
No, you're not.

I'm happy.

Now let it go.

Okay, fine.
You're happy.

Your yaya dies
and you're happy.

It makes perfect sense.

Okay, cousin,
I'm not happy.

Let me explain
something to you.

I've been prepared
for this.

On Yaya Biki's 100th birthday

she pulled me aside,
she said, "Balki,

"today, I am 100 years old.

"Chances are I'm not going
to make another 100.

"So when I go,

"please just go on
with your life

"as if nothing happened.

"Please, promise me this
so that I can rest in peace."

I promised her that

and that's all
there is to it.

Well...

You're doing happy things,

but I can see
you're hurting inside

and you're trying to hide it.

I know you too well.

Cousin,
I'm trying to do

what I promised Yaya Biki
I would do.

Yaya Biki was very wise.

And I'm sure she wanted
to make things easier for you.

But if she could
see you now

she'd say she made a mistake.

When someone close to you dies

you have to mourn for them.

No.

No, no.

I had an uncle
whose wife died

and he had a very
hard time getting over it.

He held things in,

but the poor guy
was a wreck.

He wrote a letter
to his wife

telling her all the things

he wished
he could say to her.

And did this make
everything better?

But if you don't
wanna write to her,

try talking to her.

It doesn't matter
what you do.

The important thing is
to get it out, to...

To say goodbye.

I don't want
to say goodbye.

Well...

I'm only trying to help.

I'm gonna go upstairs
and, uh, tell the girls

they don't have to
come down tonight

and watch you be happy.

Well, Yaya, here we are.

Oh, what the...

Yaya...

Here I am

in America,

just where you
wanted me to be.

I...

I know it was your dream
to come here too.

I just wish you could've seen
more of this country.

I was thinking

maybe you saw
the Statue of Liberty

from the window
of your airplane.

Wasn't she beautiful?

I remember

the first time
I ever saw her

I was... I was sailing
into New York Harbor

on the tramp steamer,

and the sun
was coming up,

and there she was,

just like you said,

And it was

the most wonderful day
of my life.

And you

made that day possible.

I am so blessed

to have had somebody

to fill my heart

with such

wonderful dreams

and then to help me
to make them come true.

Yaya,

I've been trying to do
what you told me to do.

To go on with my life
as if nothing has happened.

But you don't understand

how hard it is,

because you've
never lost you.

I made this for you.

I hope you like it.

Um...

Cousin Larry said that

And that...

And that,
I have to feel sad

before I can feel
happy again.

And I think he was right.

I miss you.

Well...

I'm gonna go upstairs now

and tell my friends
that I'm sad.

I think that'll
make them happy.

Bye-bye, Yaya.

I see you again someday.