Perfect Strangers (1986–1993): Season 2, Episode 20 - Get a Job - full transcript
Pushed too far by Twinkacetti, the guys quit their jobs at the store, only to find there actually are worse jobs out there.
* Sometimes the world
looks perfect
* Nothing to rearrange
* Sometimes you just
get a feeling
* Like you need
some kind of change
* No matter what the odds
are this time
* Nothing's gonna stand
in my way
* This flame in my heart
* It's like a long lost friend
* Gives every dark street
* A light at the end
* Standing tall
* On the wings of my dreams
* Rise and fall
* On the wings of my dreams
* The rain and thunder
* The wind and haze
* I'm bound for better days
* My life
* My dream
* My life
* My dream
* Nothing's gonna
stop me now
* Nothing's gonna
stop me now *
* While Larry
adores the minuet
* The Ballet Russes
and the Crepe Suzette
* But Balki like
to rock 'n' roll
* The hot dog makes
him lose control
* What a wild duet
* Still they're cousins
Hi, cousin.
If you're hungry,
there's some din-din machmud
on the bottom shelf.
What's "Din-din machmud?"
Pig snout with saffron.
No, thank you.
I'm on a low-saffron diet.
Mmm.
What's this?
I'm doing a Myposian
lint painting.
On Mypos,
we waste nothing.
Interesting story.
The first one...
The first one
was done by Brektos
our spiritual leader,
in the storybook days.
And the legend says that
he went up on the mountain
for 60 day
and 60 night
to contemplate his navel.
And when he came down...
He had a lint painting.
We've been doing it
ever since.
How do you like it?
Uh, well, uh,
what can I say?
You could hang this
under any rug
in the world.
Oh, cousin, oh...
You don't mean that.
Oh, I do.
Thank you.
Because I see you
take all these pictures
for the photo contest
and it makes me want to
do something creative too.
Well, I'm glad one of us
benefited from all my hard work.
What the matter?
Yes.
None of 'em.
What?
You're not going to enter
the photo contest?
Uh, who am I kidding?
The Chicago Gazette
photo contest
is one of the most
prestigious there is.
It was just a crazy dream.
I thought if I won
my photo-journalism career
would have been launched.
Well, it would be nice
if you were launched.
It would have been wonderful.
You've been taking pictures
for three months.
You must have
a hundred here.
A hundred and six.
And they all stink.
No, they don't.
They are very,
very good.
Balki, very, very good
will not win this contest.
I need that
one special picture.
I need something extraordinary.
Something that will
make the heart of man
leap within him.
Something that sums up
the meaning of life.
You know what I mean?
Well, of course I do.
Don't be ridiculous.
You need something...
A little different.
Yes, that's right.
Well, what about this one
of the, of the kitty cat
being carried away
by the big bird?
That's different.
Balki, look at
the kitty cat's face.
What do you see?
Fear.
Sure.
Sure, you see fear.
But the keen eye of the
photographer sees a kitty cat
with three whiskers on
the left side of his face
and two on the right.
There's no symmetry.
Okay.
What about this one of
the fireman catching the baby
that was thrown from
the burning building?
Why am I even talking
to you about this?
You probably don't even
have photographers on Mypos.
Well, no, we don't.
But we have a guy
named Nicholai
who has a very
good memory.
Whenever we have a fire
Well, good.
Why don't we enter
Nicky in the contest?
He's got a better
chance than me.
I see what you're doing.
You had a crazy dream
and you spent three months
taking pictures.
And now with only
one day left
you're just going
to roll over and die?
That's basically
what I had in mind, yes.
Well, let me tell
you a story
about an immigrant boy
who had a crazy dream
to come to America.
Wait...
He got on the tramp steamer.
Wait...
Tramp, tramp, tramp.
Wait, I've heard
this story.
It's not gonna
do you any good.
I'm feeling sorry
for myself.
If you were a real friend,
you'd join in.
Well, I do feel
sorry for you.
Poor little,
Larry Appleton.
He could have been
a great photographer
but he'll never know
because he gave up.
Oh, I hate it
when you do this.
In the years to come
you'll look back on
what you might have been
and you'll remember that
your best buddy, Balki, said
"Keep trying,
Larry Appleton."
But you didn't.
Can't you just let
me accept failure?
Over my dead battery.
All right, all right, I don't
know what I'm gonna find
in just one day,
but I'll give it a shot.
Now you're
talking, turkey.
Now we are so happy,
we do the dance of joy.
Balki, Balki.
Why don't we hold up
on that?
At least let me
find a picture.
Cousin, somewhere out there
is the perfect picture.
I know it.
And you're going
to find it.
Yeah, yeah.
And pigs can fly.
That would make
a great picture.
The man just needed
a little push.
Thank you.
Larry, guess what?
I got your mail again.
It's an easy mistake.
I'm in 302,
you're in 203.
Perhaps the mailman
has lysdexia.
That's dyslexia.
Is that it?
I always get that
word turned around.
So, did you send a picture
for the photo contest yet?
No, but I'm going to.
I was gonna give up,
but Balki wouldn't let me.
Sure enough,
I found the perfect shot.
I'm gonna take
it this afternoon.
What is it?
Well, It's a little church
with a cross
on the steeple
but that's not
the shot.
I am so proud
of myself.
There's not a photographer
in a million
who would have even
seen the shot.
At exactly 6:02
and a shaft of light
hits the cross
turning it this...
This brilliant gold.
And it glows like
something supernatural.
It only lasts for a second
and then it's gone.
It's beautiful.
Yeah, churches are nice.
See ya.
Hi.
Hi.
Cousin, I'm,
I'm sorry I'm late
but wait until
you hear why.
Mrs. Twinkacetti asked me to
move some furniture in her house
and behind the dresser, I found
a gold mine in dust balls.
Forget the dust.
Mmm-hmm.
You were right,
I did it.
I found the award-winning
photograph.
Oh, cousin,
I'm so happy for you.
It's a little church with
a cross on the steeple
but that's not the shot.
I am so proud of myself.
There is not a photographer
in a million
who would have
even seen the shot.
Wait a minute.
between two tall buildings
and casts a shaft of light
on the cross that makes
it glow a brilliant gold
as if it has taken on a life
all of its own, is it?
Well, it's the angle
that's important.
What I'm gonna
have to do is...
Get on the roof of the building
across the street.
The address is 2...
2831 Garfield.
Can I tell this?
Oh, well, I wish you would.
I have to get the shot
this afternoon
otherwise, the jig is up.
I'm gonna have to get
the owner's permission
Balki, I have this
contest in the bag.
I'm on my way
to the good life.
What means
"The good life?"
It means the, uh...
Good... Life.
Wow.
I am so happy for you.
Now, we can do
the dance of joy.
You bet.
* Da, di, da, da, da
* Da, di, da, da, da
* Hey, hey, hey
* Hey, hey, hey
* Hey *
* Hey *
Fred and Ginger,
front and center.
my lovely children at my less
than lovely mother-in-law's.
Appleton, this is what
I want you to do.
I'll get there around 4:00.
Call my wife and tell
her the store is on fire.
That way I gotta come back
See ya.
Uh, Mr. Twinkacetti.
I can't tell your wife
there's a fire in the store.
Right, I've used
that excuse before.
Tell her the turnip
locked himself in the safe.
Who wouldn't believe that?
I can't tell her that either.
What is it?
Make something
up, Appleton!
Listen, cousin...
Not now, Balki.
Mr. Twinkacetti
I will not lie
to your wife for you.
Appleton, someday, you will
want something from me
and no matter how small
that something is
my response will
be a well-known gesture.
You know that building
you want to get on the top of
so you can take
the picture of the church?
Yes.
The one...
I know it well, yes.
What about it?
It's Mr. Twinkacetti's house.
(SOBBING)
Oh, don't cry.
All right.
That was easy.
Balki
you and I are gonna
get on that roof
and we are going to
get that picture
even if it kills us.
(GRUNTING)
BALKI:
Cousin, can... Can
you give me a hand?'
I... I don't like this.
We're not supposed to
break into somebody's house.
We're not breaking
into Twinky's house
we're breaking onto
his house.
Besides, he's not even home.
Just try to act
like you belong here.
How do I act like
I belong on a roof?
Will you stop worrying?
We'll be off of here
in five minutes.
The roof is pretty steep.
I hadn't noticed.
Balki, get that
for me, would you?
I don't think so.
Cousin, I don't understand.
You're the one that's
afraid of heights.
You scream if you
stand up in the bathtub.
Balki, I have to get
this picture.
My whole future
depends on it.
Nothing's gonna stop me.
There are no obstacles and
absolutely nothing can go wrong.
I know that nothing
can possibly go wrong
but have you noticed that
it's getting a little windy?
It's a little breezy.
Fortunately, I have
everything in my camera bag
that you could possibly need
in a photographic emergency.
Here, hold this.
(GRUNTING)
Sandbags.
We can't have the tripod blowing
off in the wind now can we?
Well, of course we can't.
Don't be ridiculous.
What about me
blowing off the roof?
You're not in
a photographic emergency.
I'm human!
That's not good enough.
Just hang on.
We'll be off here
in two minutes.
Okay, give me the camera.
Balki, give me the camera.
No.
I have the camera
and I say we get off the roof.
Balki...
Give me that camera.
Uh-uh.
Oh, look, there's
the Wicked Witch of the West.
Where?
Ha-ha!
You tricked Balki.
There was no witch.
Ha!
No way am I getting off
this roof now.
No, I've taken this shot
a thousand times in my head.
I've planned every
minute detail.
Where'd that chimney
come from?
I bet it came
with the house.
What idiot architect
would put a chimney
where it blocks the view
of the beautiful church?
Where have all the good
craftsmen gone?
Maybe, they got blown
off the roof.
You have plenty of
good pictures at home.
If I can get on top
of the chimney
I can still get my shot.
No, cousin, cousin.
Cousin.
Cousin, will you...
Whoa! Whoa.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Yeah, hi, Ralph.
Yeah, I can make it to
the card game after all.
I told my wife the turnip
got locked in the safe
and she bought it.
Who wouldn't?
See you at 8:00.
Balki, help,
I'm in trouble here.
Help!
Hush.
Never hush a man who's
hanging by his fingertips.
Help! Help!
Mr. Twinkacetti's home.
Help, help.
Cousin, we have to get
off the roof
before Mr. Twinkacetti
catches us.
Later.
If I hold on to
this TV antenna
I can hold the camera
in one hand
and lean out past
the chimney.
But, you know that picture
of the kitty cat
is looking better
all the time.
I can see it.
You know, I'm getting
an optical illusion.
It looks as if the church
is getting closer and closer.
Cousin.
Cousin, the antenna is bending.
Come back here.
No, no.
I've got to get this shot.
one, zero.
Minus one, minus two, mi...
Where is the shaft of light?
Where is the sun?
Maybe, it's behind those
big black clouds over there.
Cousin, don't panic.
Just slowly come back here.
Oh, the weather report said
it was supposed to be sunny.
Now the picture is gone.
What am I gonna do?
Cousin, just to get
an idea of where you are
you might look down.
(SCREAMING)
At least now we're talking
on the same channel.
Thank you, thank you,
thank you.
All right, you didn't
get your picture
now we get off the roof.
I can't.
I just remembered
I'm afraid of heights.
Well, you picked a fine time
to... To remember that.
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, we're going to wait
until it gets dark
and then you won't
see how far down it is.
Did I mention
I'm afraid of the dark?
Cousin. Cousin,
do... Don't do that.
Cousin, uh, it's dark now.
We can get off the roof.
I can't believe it.
I didn't get my picture.
This is all
Twinkacetti's fault.
Boy, the next time
I see him, he's in trouble.
What are you two
doing up on my roof?
Mr. Twinkacetti,
this is all my fault.
That goes without saying.
I was trying to get
a picture of the church
for my photo contest.
But he didn't
get the picture.
Cry me a river!
Okay.
(SOBBING)
Now get off my roof.
Okay
BOTH: The ladder!
Now I'm stuck up here
and it's your fault!
My fault?
You wouldn't be up here
like you were
supposed to be.
Tarzan on my antenna.
I wouldn't have had to
if you'd put your chimney
on the right side of
your house where it belongs.
I'm gonna put my fist
where it belongs.
No, wait,
Mr. Twinkacetti.
Stop, stop, stop.
Will you stop?
Whoa!
Whoa.
Let go. Let go.
(GRUNTING)
(ALL PANTING)
We've got to stop fighting
and find a way
to get off the roof.
What did you
have in mind?
Help!
Save your voice.
No one can hear you because
their windows are closed.
And do you know why their
windows are closed?
Because it's starting
to freeze?
What else could
possibly go wrong?
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(RAINING)
It was a rhetorical question.
You know,
this... This might be
a good chance for us to just
chat and get to
know one another.
I'm gonna throw the
turnip off the roof.
And if we're lucky,
he'll drag himself to get help.
If we're unlucky,
we're still lucky.
Yeah.
What was that?
Thunder.
Ah, I hate thunder.
You know, there's
something aesthetically
pleasing about your face
when you're terrified.
I want my wife.
Edwina! Edwina!
That's great. I think I got
your face framed by lightning.
Ooh, you're cruel, Appleton.
No, I'm not.
Oh, oh, hold that whimper.
Yes.
(WHIMPERING)
Ahhh!
What's that?
I don't know.
Is this another TV antenna?
It's a lightning rod!
(SCREAMING)
That... That draws lightning?
It's a real
good one, too.
If we stay up here,
we'll die.
TOGETHER:
Help! Help!
Help!
Help!
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
"Larry Appleton,
10th place."
Yeah, I'm good, all right.
I even helped somebody
else win first prize.
But I think it was
very nice of someone
to take that picture
of the fireman
rescuing us from the roof.
It's a terrific picture,
if you call that composition.
Cousin, you won 10th place.
That's wonderful.
Well, thank you for
making me keep trying.
And for helping me
get the picture.
And for saving your life.
That too.
Cousin, I couldn't
let you quit.
Or die.
And if you see me giving up,
you must stop me too.
That's what friends
do for each other.
Why don't we go down
to Curly's newsstand
and buy every newspaper he has
to send to everyone you know?
Just like the time Mary Anne
got her picture in the paper
because she got her head stuck
in a chain-link fence.
That was her hair.
Balki, I don't need
to buy newspapers
because I... I don't
need to brag.
But this is
a great accomplishment.
You should be proud.
The important
thing is that I know.
Wow.
You're some humble guy.
Balki.
A lot of it
was blind luck.
I didn't get the
picture I was after.
Yes, but if you hadn't risked
your life and mine
trying to get the picture
of the church
framed by lightning.
It is pretty good, isn't it?
Good? Good?
Yeah.
Good?
(LAUGHS)
What was the question?
The picture.
It's... It's pretty good.
Well, of course it is.
Don't be ridiculous.
And I'll tell you what.
To celebrate
I'm gonna take you
to your favorite place.
Not the petting zoo?
You got it.
Oh, boy!
Are you going to ride
the camel with me this time?
No.
The camel always spits at me.
Can I chase the chickens?
No, you can't chase
the chickens.
Question.
Am I wrong, or is that
closet full of newspapers?
Not full.
Only head-high.
Oh, I see.
All right, so I got
a few for my family
friends.
And a lot for
my enemies.
High school
graduation class
Time, Life...
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
looks perfect
* Nothing to rearrange
* Sometimes you just
get a feeling
* Like you need
some kind of change
* No matter what the odds
are this time
* Nothing's gonna stand
in my way
* This flame in my heart
* It's like a long lost friend
* Gives every dark street
* A light at the end
* Standing tall
* On the wings of my dreams
* Rise and fall
* On the wings of my dreams
* The rain and thunder
* The wind and haze
* I'm bound for better days
* My life
* My dream
* My life
* My dream
* Nothing's gonna
stop me now
* Nothing's gonna
stop me now *
* While Larry
adores the minuet
* The Ballet Russes
and the Crepe Suzette
* But Balki like
to rock 'n' roll
* The hot dog makes
him lose control
* What a wild duet
* Still they're cousins
Hi, cousin.
If you're hungry,
there's some din-din machmud
on the bottom shelf.
What's "Din-din machmud?"
Pig snout with saffron.
No, thank you.
I'm on a low-saffron diet.
Mmm.
What's this?
I'm doing a Myposian
lint painting.
On Mypos,
we waste nothing.
Interesting story.
The first one...
The first one
was done by Brektos
our spiritual leader,
in the storybook days.
And the legend says that
he went up on the mountain
for 60 day
and 60 night
to contemplate his navel.
And when he came down...
He had a lint painting.
We've been doing it
ever since.
How do you like it?
Uh, well, uh,
what can I say?
You could hang this
under any rug
in the world.
Oh, cousin, oh...
You don't mean that.
Oh, I do.
Thank you.
Because I see you
take all these pictures
for the photo contest
and it makes me want to
do something creative too.
Well, I'm glad one of us
benefited from all my hard work.
What the matter?
Yes.
None of 'em.
What?
You're not going to enter
the photo contest?
Uh, who am I kidding?
The Chicago Gazette
photo contest
is one of the most
prestigious there is.
It was just a crazy dream.
I thought if I won
my photo-journalism career
would have been launched.
Well, it would be nice
if you were launched.
It would have been wonderful.
You've been taking pictures
for three months.
You must have
a hundred here.
A hundred and six.
And they all stink.
No, they don't.
They are very,
very good.
Balki, very, very good
will not win this contest.
I need that
one special picture.
I need something extraordinary.
Something that will
make the heart of man
leap within him.
Something that sums up
the meaning of life.
You know what I mean?
Well, of course I do.
Don't be ridiculous.
You need something...
A little different.
Yes, that's right.
Well, what about this one
of the, of the kitty cat
being carried away
by the big bird?
That's different.
Balki, look at
the kitty cat's face.
What do you see?
Fear.
Sure.
Sure, you see fear.
But the keen eye of the
photographer sees a kitty cat
with three whiskers on
the left side of his face
and two on the right.
There's no symmetry.
Okay.
What about this one of
the fireman catching the baby
that was thrown from
the burning building?
Why am I even talking
to you about this?
You probably don't even
have photographers on Mypos.
Well, no, we don't.
But we have a guy
named Nicholai
who has a very
good memory.
Whenever we have a fire
Well, good.
Why don't we enter
Nicky in the contest?
He's got a better
chance than me.
I see what you're doing.
You had a crazy dream
and you spent three months
taking pictures.
And now with only
one day left
you're just going
to roll over and die?
That's basically
what I had in mind, yes.
Well, let me tell
you a story
about an immigrant boy
who had a crazy dream
to come to America.
Wait...
He got on the tramp steamer.
Wait...
Tramp, tramp, tramp.
Wait, I've heard
this story.
It's not gonna
do you any good.
I'm feeling sorry
for myself.
If you were a real friend,
you'd join in.
Well, I do feel
sorry for you.
Poor little,
Larry Appleton.
He could have been
a great photographer
but he'll never know
because he gave up.
Oh, I hate it
when you do this.
In the years to come
you'll look back on
what you might have been
and you'll remember that
your best buddy, Balki, said
"Keep trying,
Larry Appleton."
But you didn't.
Can't you just let
me accept failure?
Over my dead battery.
All right, all right, I don't
know what I'm gonna find
in just one day,
but I'll give it a shot.
Now you're
talking, turkey.
Now we are so happy,
we do the dance of joy.
Balki, Balki.
Why don't we hold up
on that?
At least let me
find a picture.
Cousin, somewhere out there
is the perfect picture.
I know it.
And you're going
to find it.
Yeah, yeah.
And pigs can fly.
That would make
a great picture.
The man just needed
a little push.
Thank you.
Larry, guess what?
I got your mail again.
It's an easy mistake.
I'm in 302,
you're in 203.
Perhaps the mailman
has lysdexia.
That's dyslexia.
Is that it?
I always get that
word turned around.
So, did you send a picture
for the photo contest yet?
No, but I'm going to.
I was gonna give up,
but Balki wouldn't let me.
Sure enough,
I found the perfect shot.
I'm gonna take
it this afternoon.
What is it?
Well, It's a little church
with a cross
on the steeple
but that's not
the shot.
I am so proud
of myself.
There's not a photographer
in a million
who would have even
seen the shot.
At exactly 6:02
and a shaft of light
hits the cross
turning it this...
This brilliant gold.
And it glows like
something supernatural.
It only lasts for a second
and then it's gone.
It's beautiful.
Yeah, churches are nice.
See ya.
Hi.
Hi.
Cousin, I'm,
I'm sorry I'm late
but wait until
you hear why.
Mrs. Twinkacetti asked me to
move some furniture in her house
and behind the dresser, I found
a gold mine in dust balls.
Forget the dust.
Mmm-hmm.
You were right,
I did it.
I found the award-winning
photograph.
Oh, cousin,
I'm so happy for you.
It's a little church with
a cross on the steeple
but that's not the shot.
I am so proud of myself.
There is not a photographer
in a million
who would have
even seen the shot.
Wait a minute.
between two tall buildings
and casts a shaft of light
on the cross that makes
it glow a brilliant gold
as if it has taken on a life
all of its own, is it?
Well, it's the angle
that's important.
What I'm gonna
have to do is...
Get on the roof of the building
across the street.
The address is 2...
2831 Garfield.
Can I tell this?
Oh, well, I wish you would.
I have to get the shot
this afternoon
otherwise, the jig is up.
I'm gonna have to get
the owner's permission
Balki, I have this
contest in the bag.
I'm on my way
to the good life.
What means
"The good life?"
It means the, uh...
Good... Life.
Wow.
I am so happy for you.
Now, we can do
the dance of joy.
You bet.
* Da, di, da, da, da
* Da, di, da, da, da
* Hey, hey, hey
* Hey, hey, hey
* Hey *
* Hey *
Fred and Ginger,
front and center.
my lovely children at my less
than lovely mother-in-law's.
Appleton, this is what
I want you to do.
I'll get there around 4:00.
Call my wife and tell
her the store is on fire.
That way I gotta come back
See ya.
Uh, Mr. Twinkacetti.
I can't tell your wife
there's a fire in the store.
Right, I've used
that excuse before.
Tell her the turnip
locked himself in the safe.
Who wouldn't believe that?
I can't tell her that either.
What is it?
Make something
up, Appleton!
Listen, cousin...
Not now, Balki.
Mr. Twinkacetti
I will not lie
to your wife for you.
Appleton, someday, you will
want something from me
and no matter how small
that something is
my response will
be a well-known gesture.
You know that building
you want to get on the top of
so you can take
the picture of the church?
Yes.
The one...
I know it well, yes.
What about it?
It's Mr. Twinkacetti's house.
(SOBBING)
Oh, don't cry.
All right.
That was easy.
Balki
you and I are gonna
get on that roof
and we are going to
get that picture
even if it kills us.
(GRUNTING)
BALKI:
Cousin, can... Can
you give me a hand?'
I... I don't like this.
We're not supposed to
break into somebody's house.
We're not breaking
into Twinky's house
we're breaking onto
his house.
Besides, he's not even home.
Just try to act
like you belong here.
How do I act like
I belong on a roof?
Will you stop worrying?
We'll be off of here
in five minutes.
The roof is pretty steep.
I hadn't noticed.
Balki, get that
for me, would you?
I don't think so.
Cousin, I don't understand.
You're the one that's
afraid of heights.
You scream if you
stand up in the bathtub.
Balki, I have to get
this picture.
My whole future
depends on it.
Nothing's gonna stop me.
There are no obstacles and
absolutely nothing can go wrong.
I know that nothing
can possibly go wrong
but have you noticed that
it's getting a little windy?
It's a little breezy.
Fortunately, I have
everything in my camera bag
that you could possibly need
in a photographic emergency.
Here, hold this.
(GRUNTING)
Sandbags.
We can't have the tripod blowing
off in the wind now can we?
Well, of course we can't.
Don't be ridiculous.
What about me
blowing off the roof?
You're not in
a photographic emergency.
I'm human!
That's not good enough.
Just hang on.
We'll be off here
in two minutes.
Okay, give me the camera.
Balki, give me the camera.
No.
I have the camera
and I say we get off the roof.
Balki...
Give me that camera.
Uh-uh.
Oh, look, there's
the Wicked Witch of the West.
Where?
Ha-ha!
You tricked Balki.
There was no witch.
Ha!
No way am I getting off
this roof now.
No, I've taken this shot
a thousand times in my head.
I've planned every
minute detail.
Where'd that chimney
come from?
I bet it came
with the house.
What idiot architect
would put a chimney
where it blocks the view
of the beautiful church?
Where have all the good
craftsmen gone?
Maybe, they got blown
off the roof.
You have plenty of
good pictures at home.
If I can get on top
of the chimney
I can still get my shot.
No, cousin, cousin.
Cousin.
Cousin, will you...
Whoa! Whoa.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Yeah, hi, Ralph.
Yeah, I can make it to
the card game after all.
I told my wife the turnip
got locked in the safe
and she bought it.
Who wouldn't?
See you at 8:00.
Balki, help,
I'm in trouble here.
Help!
Hush.
Never hush a man who's
hanging by his fingertips.
Help! Help!
Mr. Twinkacetti's home.
Help, help.
Cousin, we have to get
off the roof
before Mr. Twinkacetti
catches us.
Later.
If I hold on to
this TV antenna
I can hold the camera
in one hand
and lean out past
the chimney.
But, you know that picture
of the kitty cat
is looking better
all the time.
I can see it.
You know, I'm getting
an optical illusion.
It looks as if the church
is getting closer and closer.
Cousin.
Cousin, the antenna is bending.
Come back here.
No, no.
I've got to get this shot.
one, zero.
Minus one, minus two, mi...
Where is the shaft of light?
Where is the sun?
Maybe, it's behind those
big black clouds over there.
Cousin, don't panic.
Just slowly come back here.
Oh, the weather report said
it was supposed to be sunny.
Now the picture is gone.
What am I gonna do?
Cousin, just to get
an idea of where you are
you might look down.
(SCREAMING)
At least now we're talking
on the same channel.
Thank you, thank you,
thank you.
All right, you didn't
get your picture
now we get off the roof.
I can't.
I just remembered
I'm afraid of heights.
Well, you picked a fine time
to... To remember that.
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, we're going to wait
until it gets dark
and then you won't
see how far down it is.
Did I mention
I'm afraid of the dark?
Cousin. Cousin,
do... Don't do that.
Cousin, uh, it's dark now.
We can get off the roof.
I can't believe it.
I didn't get my picture.
This is all
Twinkacetti's fault.
Boy, the next time
I see him, he's in trouble.
What are you two
doing up on my roof?
Mr. Twinkacetti,
this is all my fault.
That goes without saying.
I was trying to get
a picture of the church
for my photo contest.
But he didn't
get the picture.
Cry me a river!
Okay.
(SOBBING)
Now get off my roof.
Okay
BOTH: The ladder!
Now I'm stuck up here
and it's your fault!
My fault?
You wouldn't be up here
like you were
supposed to be.
Tarzan on my antenna.
I wouldn't have had to
if you'd put your chimney
on the right side of
your house where it belongs.
I'm gonna put my fist
where it belongs.
No, wait,
Mr. Twinkacetti.
Stop, stop, stop.
Will you stop?
Whoa!
Whoa.
Let go. Let go.
(GRUNTING)
(ALL PANTING)
We've got to stop fighting
and find a way
to get off the roof.
What did you
have in mind?
Help!
Save your voice.
No one can hear you because
their windows are closed.
And do you know why their
windows are closed?
Because it's starting
to freeze?
What else could
possibly go wrong?
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(RAINING)
It was a rhetorical question.
You know,
this... This might be
a good chance for us to just
chat and get to
know one another.
I'm gonna throw the
turnip off the roof.
And if we're lucky,
he'll drag himself to get help.
If we're unlucky,
we're still lucky.
Yeah.
What was that?
Thunder.
Ah, I hate thunder.
You know, there's
something aesthetically
pleasing about your face
when you're terrified.
I want my wife.
Edwina! Edwina!
That's great. I think I got
your face framed by lightning.
Ooh, you're cruel, Appleton.
No, I'm not.
Oh, oh, hold that whimper.
Yes.
(WHIMPERING)
Ahhh!
What's that?
I don't know.
Is this another TV antenna?
It's a lightning rod!
(SCREAMING)
That... That draws lightning?
It's a real
good one, too.
If we stay up here,
we'll die.
TOGETHER:
Help! Help!
Help!
Help!
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
"Larry Appleton,
10th place."
Yeah, I'm good, all right.
I even helped somebody
else win first prize.
But I think it was
very nice of someone
to take that picture
of the fireman
rescuing us from the roof.
It's a terrific picture,
if you call that composition.
Cousin, you won 10th place.
That's wonderful.
Well, thank you for
making me keep trying.
And for helping me
get the picture.
And for saving your life.
That too.
Cousin, I couldn't
let you quit.
Or die.
And if you see me giving up,
you must stop me too.
That's what friends
do for each other.
Why don't we go down
to Curly's newsstand
and buy every newspaper he has
to send to everyone you know?
Just like the time Mary Anne
got her picture in the paper
because she got her head stuck
in a chain-link fence.
That was her hair.
Balki, I don't need
to buy newspapers
because I... I don't
need to brag.
But this is
a great accomplishment.
You should be proud.
The important
thing is that I know.
Wow.
You're some humble guy.
Balki.
A lot of it
was blind luck.
I didn't get the
picture I was after.
Yes, but if you hadn't risked
your life and mine
trying to get the picture
of the church
framed by lightning.
It is pretty good, isn't it?
Good? Good?
Yeah.
Good?
(LAUGHS)
What was the question?
The picture.
It's... It's pretty good.
Well, of course it is.
Don't be ridiculous.
And I'll tell you what.
To celebrate
I'm gonna take you
to your favorite place.
Not the petting zoo?
You got it.
Oh, boy!
Are you going to ride
the camel with me this time?
No.
The camel always spits at me.
Can I chase the chickens?
No, you can't chase
the chickens.
Question.
Am I wrong, or is that
closet full of newspapers?
Not full.
Only head-high.
Oh, I see.
All right, so I got
a few for my family
friends.
And a lot for
my enemies.
High school
graduation class
Time, Life...
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)