Perfect Strangers (1986–1993): Season 2, Episode 10 - The Rent Strike - full transcript

When Mr. Twinkicetti refuses repair the apartments, Larry encourages the other tenants not to pay the rent till he does. He responds by turning off the heat and power. Larry tells them they have to be strong and hold on. But even Larry is getting weak.

* Sometimes the world
looks perfect

* Nothing to rearrange

* Sometimes you just
get a feeling

* Like you need
some kind of change

* No matter what
the odds are this time

* Nothing's gonna
stand in my way

* This flame in my heart

* Like a long lost friend

* Gives every dark street
a light at the end

* Standing tall
on the wings of my dream

* The rain and thunder



* The wind and haze

* I'm bound for better days

* It's my life and my dream

* Nothing's gonna
stop me now

* Nothing's gonna stop me

* It's my life and my dream

* Nothing gonna
stop me now

* Nothing gonna
stop me now *

It's true.
You can see yourself.

Did you make coffee?

"Make coffee".
What do I look like?
A percolator?

Where do I come
up with them?

Of course I made coffee.

Question. What is that
on your face?



Toilet paper.

Why would you put
toilet paper on your face?

I cut myself shaving.
Repeatedly.

There's no hot water.

that the hot water-heater
was acting up.

Did you mention
the sink too?

What's wrong with the sink?
It don't work.

What? Well, oh.

Well, it is not draining.

Try turning on
the garbage disposal--

That--
Just try.

Just--
That--

Balki, turn on
the garbage disposal.

(GARBAGE DISPOSAL WHIRRING)

Think I found the problem.

What is it?

It's the garbage disposal.

Don't worry,
I'll fix the sink.

Balki, you don't
have to fix anything.

I don't?

Who do you think
fixed the doorbell?

Me.

What do you mean "me"?

I don't mean you.
I mean me.

I fixed the doorbell.
I fixed the oven.

And now, I'm gonna
go fix the sink.

Why should Mr. Twinkacetti
fix our sink?

Because it's not our sink.

Oh...

Whose sink is it?

Twinkacetti is the landlord.
He owns the building

and everything in it.
Including the kitchen sink.

Why do you think we pay rent?

For the privilege of sleeping
indoors without livestock.

Balki, get off the boat
and join the world.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Hi, guys.
Jennifer.

Wow.

I just love those
bold American fashions.

Balki, that's a towel.

Well, of course it is.
Don't be ridiculous.

Is it reversible?

Well, I'd really
like to stay and chat

but I need to use your shower.
Mine's broken again.

Well, help yourself.
Uh, we only have cold water.

Can you believe this building?

I wish we could
do something about this.

Well, I guess
I just get started
on that garbage disposal.

Wait a minute. We'll get
Twinkacetti to fix it.

We could band together.

We stopped the war.
We got women to vote.

We came that close

But cousin, Mr. Twinkacetti
is a land owner

and we're just
lowly common peasants.

Balki, this is a democracy.

We're all created
equally lowly and common.

We'll get all
the tenants together.

Make out a list of complaints
and present them to Twinkacetti.

He has to listen to us.

Sure.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

in a civilized manner.

I've been trying
to get Twinkacetti

Dream on.
The man's a rodent.

Does anyone else's
living room
tilt to the right?

Yes. Balki.
Not a question,
just a comment.

This is wonderful.
Here we are,
a group of total strangers

brought together by a common
cause in the pursuit of justice

and the American way.

Well, thank you
for sharing that.

Anything else?

Not me.
We need a leader.

Cousin Larry can be the leader.

Larry, you'd be perfect.

Yes, Larry.
You reek of leadership.

Really? Well,
maybe I do reek a little.

All in favor
of Cousin Larry say barta.

ALL: Barta.

Well, okay.
Uh, I'll be the leader.

I'll type up the letter
to Twinkacetti
and send it to him.

Isn't he something?

We have leases and Twinkacetti
has got to live
up to the leases.

ALL: Yeah.

In a minute, Balki.

In fact, I think
that we'll insist

that he fix
everything on our list.

You know, it is time
that we uh...

placed our order
for Tupperware.

Um, who would like
the cold cuts keeper?

Just raise your hand. One, two,
three, four, five six...

Oh, hello, Mr. Twinkacetti.

Tupperware, huh?

Well, uh, actually,
we're here
because we have uh...

...grievances.

Leaky roof, worn-out carpet,
clogged disposal...

You know I'd really
like to fix these things.

You would?
Oh, yes.

I-- I just have a cash flow
problem I...just this week.

Both grandmothers, they...
They went in
for heart transplants...

Oh, please.

Oh, you poor, poor man.
(SOBBING)

And we think
we have problems.

Balki, must you be
the poster child
for the hopelessly naive?

The man is lying.
He has no grandmothers.

He probably sold them.

You lied about your nanas?

Look, you ingrates,
you got no right
meeting here like this.

Here's what I think
of your list of grievances.

Let's get him.
ALL: Yeah!

(ALL SCREAMING)

People, you are turning
into an ugly mob.

Well, not you, Jennifer.

We can still work
within the system.

Cousin Larry is right.

Listen to this man.
He knows his history.

The Boston Tea Party.
The people
are angry with King George

because they pay him tax money
but he don't listen to them.

So, they protest
by they get together

and they dip his tea bags
in the filthy,
dirty harbor water

and they don't
pay the tax money.

What if we protest
by get-together

and don't pay our rent money.

What would you
call that, Cousin Larry?

Well, I'd call
it a rent-strike.

Cousin Larry
calls a rent-strike.

(ALL CHEERING)

ALL: (CHANTING)
Rent-strike! Rent-strike!

(CHANTING CONTINUES)
Rent strike!

This democracy, I like it.

(CHANTING CONTINUES)

(SHIVERING)

What's going on?
It must be 30 degrees.

Twenty five, I checked.

Why is the furnace off?

Why didn't my
electric blanket work?

Why are you
cooking over a candle?

These are easy questions.

We have no heat
or electricity

because Mr. Twinkacetti
turned them off.

Loose, I hope.

Twinkacetti is playing
really dirty.

Nobody can survive
like this here.

Give me that.

You know, the trouble
with you Americans

is you can't take
a little hardship.

You know, in Mypos,
we lived with it constantly.

Take The Great
Alfalfa Famine of '82.

Hungry sheep
staring into space.

Hungry men
staring back at them.

Mama asked me to help out

by selling fig cakes
on the street corner.

And we only have just the one
road running through my village.

So, I had to walk 50 miles
to find a street corner.

And by the time I get there,
I eat all my fig cakes.

Now, there's true hardship.

No.

No, true hardship
is listening to that story.

I'm gonna make some coffee.

That's what I need.

Well, about that coffee.

Mr. Twinkacetti also
turned off the water.

So you can't have that.

Oh, my God.
I... I have to have
coffee to-to cope, to exist

I need it to uh...to uh...
What do you call that...

When you--
When you make up
things in your mind. Think!

I can't think!

I know. I'll go
to the coffee shop
in the corner.

It's not open yet.
Damn!

I know.
I'll make it
with Ginger Ale.

You can't heat it up.

All right, we'll make a fire.

We have no firewood.

We'll break up the furniture.

(GRUNTS)

I don't think so.
Why not?

Cousin, we're not going to
burn the furniture

to make a cup of coffee.

Coffee...

You gotta get
a grip on yourself.

You're right. You're right.

I've... I've got to get control.
I've got to keep my wits.

(BREATHING LOUDLY)

Cream and sugar?

Vinnie, this is Twinkie.

I wanna put a grand
on Chocoholic
to win in the fifth.

Yeah, of course
I'm good for it.
(LAUGHS)

You think you can
handle this without coffee?

I'm fine. Let me at him.

Top of the mornin', boys.

Did we all sleep
warm and snuggly?
Well, I sure did.

you turned off our...
(STUTTERS)

Water.
water.

And our... (STUTTERS)

(LARRY IMITATING STATIC)

Electricity.
Electricity!

And I am... I am...

Larry Appleton.
Larry Appleton. I know that!

It's everything else,
I don't know!

Uh, did you boys
come in here to give up?

Oh. Hmm.
Just stand over there.

Yeah.

You're a...
(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Gee, take that back, please.

What is a riga-morchatochus?

It's a by-product
of swamp slime.

Mr. Twinkacetti,
you are playing
really dirty.

But you cannot push us.

We... We have...
We have...

(SNIFFING)

Is that fresh coffee I smell?

Fresh hot coffee.
Have some, Appleton.

Oh...

Special of the day.
Only ten bucks a cup.

$10 for coffee?
That is outrageous.

Balki, lend me $5.

Get a grip on yourself.

You're going to pay $10
for a stupid beverage?

Yes! And don't you
ever call it stupid.

Here's for half a cup.

Oh...that's good.

All right now, Twinkacetti.
What was I talking about?

I noticed you turned off
our heat and our water and...

And electricity.
You think you're tough?

You don't know what tough is!

This is tough.

I am tough.

You should see him
after a second cup.

Ooh...

I can take whatever
you can dish out.

In fact, we're not giving in

until you fix
everything on our list.

You heard that right.
You better start respecting
Cousin Larry.

Oh, but I do, Turnip.
I respect Cousin Larry

just as much as I respect
Cousin Moe and Cousin Curly.

Cousin,
why you didn't introduce
me to the rest of the family?

I forgot.

All right people, it's 7:00.
Remember, we're trespassing.

Balki, get 'em moving.

(BALKI IMITATING A SHEPHERD)

Well, it's not exactly home.
But it's warmer
than my apartment.

I can't sleep
on the floor anymore.

I'm getting a
flat spot on my hair.

He's here. It's Twinkacetti.
He's early. Everybody hide.

Would you look at this?
They left the lights on.

Even a chimpanzee
could turn off lights
and be better company.

Who is it?
Come out. Come on.

Morning.
Lovely hair.

Hello. Warm?

Schalgelmilch.
Rodent.

I know what
you're going to say,
Mr. Twinkacetti,

but this is all your fault.

I know it's my fault.
And I'm sorry.

Oh, no. You're not gonna
get away with... Hmm?

Hey, all men
are brothers, right?

Who is this man?

I would like to end
our little disagreement.

(PHONE RINGING)

Yeah.
Yes.

if you're willing
to pay the rent today.

(GASPS)

I'm not here, Turnip!

He says... (MIMICS GASP)
"I'm not here, Turnip."

Oh. Well, okay.
Nice chatting with you,
Mr. The Finger, bye.

Vinnie says he wants
to take you fishing

and to buy you a concrete vest.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Nice man.

He needs money.

(GRUNTS)

Our rent money.
Yes.

We got him.
ALL: Yeah.

Now, listen. Listen, people.
This is more than a business.

My life is at stake.
Doesn't anyone care?

That silence is like
a nail in my heart.

Listen, slug.
I want my front door fixed.
By tomorrow.

You got it, Schalgelmilch.

We want our places painted.
Painted, right.

And fumigated.
Okay, you got a deal!

(ALL CHEERING)

People, listen.
Don't you see
what's happening?

We have not won.
He has not given us
everything on the list.

Bartokomous, if I could get
you everything on that list

I won't have any more
money for anything else.

What do you think?
I just fell
off the turnip truck?

Now, Max.

Right.
Uh, okay?

And... And... And Susan,
you...you need
your ceiling fixed.

The whole thing?
Uh... (GROANS) Okay.

Miss Schalgelmilch,
your carpeting.

You're pushing me!

I'm going to call
Mr. The Finger.

Okay. Okay. Okay!
But that's it!

Now get Norma Rae outta here.

Oh, no, wait.
There's more thing
on the list. We can fight!

We can hold out! We can win!

Oh, some other time, kid.
I gotta get to work.

Yeah. I gotta go
look for a job.

Thanks for everything, Balki.

But, we don't have everything.

What about remodeling
the recreation room?

Yeah!
What about air-conditioning?

Air-conditioning!
What about security system?

Balki, it's over.
Okay.

Hey, this is great.
Look! (BLOWS AIR)
I can't see my breath.

The heat is on.

Balki, what are you doing?

I must sit among the ashes.

No, don't sit among the ashes.

I am humiliated.
I make a fool of myself.

No, you didn't.
You made a lot of people
very happy.

I don't understand.
Why they are happy?
We lose.

We didn't lose. Twinkacetti's
gonna spend two months

fixing this place up.

But, we don't get
everything on the list.

We never planned to get
everything on the list.

Cousin,
you said to Mr. Twinkacetti

and I want to do
what you said.

That's called negotiating.
You ask for more than you want

so you get what you need.

Then, why don't you just
ask for what you need?

Because you won't get it.
You're right, I don't get it.

Balki, you did a great job.

I did?
You did.

I did good?
You did great.

You got us more than
we ever expected.

You're a very good negotiator.
You stood up to Twinkacetti.

I guess I did.

You were going to stop
before we got washer and drier.

This building is very lucky

to have
Balki Bartokomous living here.

Really?
I know I'm better off.

Hi. I just want to say
thank you. You were terrific.

I was talking to Balki.
I knew that.

You were magnetic.

She called me a magnet.

You've got guts, Balki.
I like that in a refugee.

How about coming up
to my place for breakfast?

Would you like that?

Does the sheep
like potato root?

That means yes,
you little lamb kebab.

Don't wait up.

I'm going
to negotiate with her.