People Just Do Nothing (2014–2018): Season 5, Episode 1 - Car Boot - full transcript
Kurupt FM has been raided, and the boys have resorted to desperate measures to stay on the air. Miche gets some bad news from the council and Carol has a new love interest.
-Yes, you man.
-[producer] Where you headed?
Where we headed? Radio, of course, like.
Kurupt FM, the baddest out here, yeah?
No matter what no one says, yeah?
[producer] What have people been saying?
-[Grindah] Not saying anything, bruv.
-[Beats] No one says anything.
Bruv, one day off air,
d'you know what I'm saying?
We's back the next day, like.
Come through.
[Beats] Right about now, you are locked in
to the sounds of the legendary Kurupt FM--
Oi, oi, oi, what did I say?
On Kold FM.
[Grindah] Still front your K's though,
that still works.
-Yeah, but just say Kold FM.
-Yes, alright. Well, no...
This is Beats and Grindah
live and direct now right, yeah.
-Yeah, on Kold FM.
-On Kold FM.
[producer] Has it been a good year?
Yeah, married life has definitely been
the fairy tale I'd imagined.
-It's been an amazing year--
-It's been a pretty rough year, on me.
What, with the marriage...
I mean, the marriage is alright.
But that night was bittersweet, really.
And if I remember us getting married,
I remember Kurupt getting raided.
Well, you've always got the good memories.
And it'd been a shit night...
No, it was a shit night for me.
Hold tight, Steves, locked in
wherever you are, yeah.
-Trust we. Our hearts go out to ya.
-Yes, yes, stay strong, bruva.
Bruv, what is this? Loose Women?
What you doing, bruv?
[producer] Do you feel guilty
about Steves getting arrested?
Sometimes the king has to be able
to chuck away one of the little prawns,
just so the fucking, the whole team
can eat, d'you know what I'm saying, like?
Checkmate.
Oi, oi, oi, make sure
you promote the rave, yeah?
-We're not playing at the rave.
-I don't care. Promote the rave.
-Why? It's cutting into our set.
-Just do it. Just do it.
[Beats] There's a famous quote
I think Grindah came up with, which is,
"Learn from your failures."
I think it's true.
Let's say, for example,
with me, having Robin.
Yes, it was a massive mistake.
Would I do it again? Definitely not.
Am I gonna get a vasectomy? Yes, I am.
-[laughing] Tickly, tickly. Yeah.
-That's enough.
[producer] Has it been a good year then?
It's been a, kind of,
crash course in sex, for me, really.
-And when I say crash, I mean, literally--
-Yeah, he has got hurt a couple of times.
-Yeah, but he didn't mind.
-Yeah, I didn't mind. No.
I mean, I can put anything at him,
in him, on him...
Shh, don't say stuff
about putting stuff in me.
Yeah, just...
-You lot got your subs or what?
-[Grindah] Yes, I got my subs.
[coins hitting floor]
-What you doing?
-Sorry.
-Stop touching me, get on with it.
-No worries.
-[producer] Has Kurupt been forgotten?
-[Beats] We haven't been forgotten, no.
Cos people still come up to me confused,
like, "Rah, you still doing music?"
And they know we are.
They don't even know we're off air,
people don't even know we're off air.
Just give it to me.
-What's wrong with you?
-Sorry about that, man.
Fucking joke, mate.
D'you know how this looks bad on you?
We need to fucking sort this out.
We need to get some decks and shit,
ASAP, bruv.
-I'm not fucking going back there.
-Nah, I can't go back in there.
-You should be fuming, bruv.
-I am fuming.
-[Grindah] Ah, fucking hand!
-[Beats] Shit. Was that your mic hand?
-[Grindah] Fucking pussyoles.
-[Beats] Shall we get you some ice?
[Grindah] Get off me!
[Grindah] Miche!
-[Miche] Yeah?
-Where have you moved my headshots?
Your what?
The photos I gave you for your birthday,
where are they?
-In the wardrobe.
-What?
-The photos I gave you for your birthday?
-Yeah, they're in the wardrobe.
-Why you up so early? What are you doing?
-Man's got business to attend to, like.
-No, but they're mine.
-Yeah, I'm letting you keep one.
-This one? Yeah, same. Best pose.
-Yeah, my favourite.
Stunning.
[producer] Did you ever imagine
that Kurupt would end the way it did?
-It hasn't ended. Kurupt hasn't ended.
-Yeah, what do you mean?
It's just, we're refurbishing.
You don't know
what's happening behind the scenes.
[producer]
So you're trying to re-start Kurupt?
-Trying... Yes.
-Yes.
-Do you still need the tit milker?
-No, you can have that.
What you gonna do with it?
Cos it didn't feel nice.
Oh, no, we're gonna sell it.
Doing a car boot later.
Look, your mum's tit milker's
gonna earn us some money
so we can get some new equipment.
Ahh, yes, it is. Yeah.
If your gonna sell it, I'd go with
breast pump rather than tit milker.
Yeah, radio equipment
is proper expensive, man.
That's why it's taken us so long
to get the money together.
-There, you can have that if you want.
-Ahh, cheers. Thank you, Craig.
Thanks, man.
When you got to sell some old tat
that no one else will buy on eBay,
best place for it, car boot sale.
[producer] Do you think
people will want those photos?
-Well, obviously.
-Yeah, obviously.
Obviously, when they see this shit
as well, they'll be like,
"Ahh, rah, OK, I know what time it is.
Have you got any signed photos
or anything?" Yes. I have.
Original. And it's got a number
on the back. Is that a number?
Yeah, it's three. Number three,
you get number three.
-[producer] Why have you numbered them?
-Cos then they're worth more.
[producer] Why's that?
Because then you know
there's only ten of them made. One to ten.
Simple numbering system.
Right, have you got a bag or anything?
Or a bigger box?
Er, I got this one.
-Shopping bag.
-No, no, don't wanna use that, no.
No, no, it's fine. I'll carry them.
-Why? What if they get dirty?
-No, I don't wanna use it.
-Just put them in there.
-No, it looks like I'm going shopping.
-Right, sweet. Yeah.
-Are you gonna say bye to me?
-OK. Aww.
-Sweet.
-See ya. Yep. Yes, I know.
-Love you! Love you!
-Love you.
-Yes! You've said it three times.
-Love you, bubby.
-Stop shouting.
Just say it back.
-Yeah, love you, bye.
-Aww.
Right, I'm gonna shoot off.
-Great. Have a lovely day.
-Yeah.
Fist bump?
-Yes.
-Yeah.
-Alright, see you fannies in a bit.
-Alright.
-Have fun.
-Bye.
[Steves] Ahh, yes.
Er, there's....
It's just got a handle on both sides.
-What'd he say it's called?
-I think it's called a hoe.
-Is it called a hoe?
-That's a hoe, yeah.
-How many hoes have you got?
-Come again?
-How many hoes have you got?
-Head over there.
[producer] What happened at the court?
[Steves] Basically, I've ended up
doing community service and getting...
a tag.
They said it was such
a low-level pirate radio operation
that it wasn't worth me
getting sent down for.
Is it cool to get some red ones?
I'll swap you.
I've got a "romededendron" here
you can have.
So, the judge said...
that we technically weren't
even a radio station
because the radius
of the aerial is so small.
He described it as, like,
like kids messing around in a bedroom.
I should use a spade, shouldn't I, really?
Use the hoe.
-Mmm, hoe.
-Yeah.
[van horn beeps]
[Chabuddy]
Get your bare joke kids out the way, man!
[steward] Can you give me one sec?
Hi. Hiya.
I'm afraid we don't have much space left.
OK, guys. I got this. Don't worry.
-Right.
-He's going come chat to you.
Ahh, hello, lady-mate. How's it going?
Really busy today, isn't it?
Really choc-a-block.
Lovely jubbly day to be selling
some car boot today, I tell ya, mate.
If you want to just pop back in,
you can go round the back there and just
squeeze in over there in the corner.
All the way at the back?
You taking me up the jack-and-danny, mate?
No, that's all we got left, I'm afraid.
[Chabuddy] So, I'm a hustler
and I was raised by hustlers.
I was raised by my Hounslow community.
And we're all very, very dodgy.
You know, very, very criminals,
in a way, but in a friendly way.
You know, not like, murder,
rape, just a bit of fraud.
You know, friendly, kind of, crime.
Let me have a quick
knack-a-chack with you, darling.
[Chabuddy] A lot of people around Hounslow
they compare me to another geezer,
Del Boy, but they call me Dhal Boy.
How about we grease each other up
and I'll get my place
and you get your...grease.
-No, no, I don't--
-Come on.
There's a donkey's worth
of change in there, darling.
Do you not mean a monkey?
Monk...I'll give you a monkey!
-How much is a monkey?
-[Grindah] 500 quid.
Oh, no, I won't give her 500 quid.
I can't tickle your fancy anymore.
I'll give you a donkey, darling.
No, you can't. Come on.
[chatting]
Jackie, it's your last day!
-Oh, Miche, you shouldn't have.
-Oh, no, it's fine.
I wanted to make the effort,
just in case no one else did.
-Do you like it?
-It's lovely.
Aww, did you and Angel make it?
God, no, Angel can't do art
to save her life, no.
It's all me.
-Oh. It's, it's gorgeous.
-Ahh, thank you. Shall we get it up?
[Miche] The big news around here
is that they're knocking down
the famous blocks so loads of us
are getting moved out to different areas.
-A bit higher, a bit higher.
-Come on, Jackie.
[Miche] Jackie's leaving cos she's being
moved to Hammersmith instead.
[producer] So, are you and Grindah
having to move?
Yeah, we're moving home,
the blocks are being knocked down.
But I'm not gonna leave this area
and just go and live somewhere random?
I mean, this is where everything is
for us, so it would be mad.
It's the end of an era.
Yeah, it is. It is an end of an era.
-But who knows what's round the corner?
-Amen.
-[Chabuddy] Can anyone even see us?
-[Grindah] No one can see shit.
[Beats] We need a better spot, man.
This is a joke.
[steward] OK, I'll leave you to it.
No, don't leave us to it.
Excuse me, what's your name?
-Sandra.
-Sandra, cool, please.
I really need to sell all our shit today
to get radio back up.
I run a local community radio station.
Well, I suggest you unpack
as quickly as you can.
-Oh, come on!
-And then see what you can sell.
-And then--
-You've got us where...
Look, that's, that's
not even a full thing.
This is his stuff.
People like these things.
-You sell stuff every week, don't you?
-No, they don't, no one's coming here.
-He comes every week.
-You come every week? OK.
And you still haven't sold anything.
-What does that tell ya?
-If they want it, they'll come.
[producer]
What are the alternatives to radio?
There are no alternatives to radio.
It's like saying,
what's the alternative to the internet?
There isn't one.
What's the alternative to radio?
-Nothing.
-There ain't ones.
What, putting on a suit and tie and, like,
aww, working for fucking
-eight hours a day, every day.
-That's insane.
D'you know what I'm saying?
I don't want that for me or my family.
[Chabuddy]
We'll make it work, don't worry.
[Beats] How much we charging on these?
Got to put them down
as about 80, I'd say.
-18?
-80!
-80?
-Yeah, 80. They're limited edition, mate.
-I've signed them.
-Pounds?
-Yes, £80.
-Yeah, no, it's just...
I paid 300 for the photo shoot, so...
I need to get the money back.
80... £80.
-Yes. 80.
-Like that, yeah?
Yeah, they'd be lucky
to get it for that price as well.
Alright, cool.
[Tanya]
I want you to sign her leaving card.
-Oh. "Sorry your leaving".
-Are you?
-"You'll be missed".
-Will she?
Oh, God, everyone's been
very polite in here, haven't they?
Dunno, what can you say, really?
Err, "Keep in touch"?
Just something like, "Good luck",
or you know,
"Gonna miss you" or "All the best".
Or, you know, "Sorry you're leaving".
"Sad you see you go".
Or something about hairdressing.
I really don't want to lie in the card,
cos it's written down, isn't it? So...
Yeah, erm.
I'll just write "All the best" again,
like they've written.
-I'll write "All the best, again. Love..."
-Yeah. OK.
Hmm? "Miche".
[Grindah] Anyone?
[Beats] Everybody! Kurupt FM merchandise!
Signed photos!
Anyone?
-Come on, please. Please!
-Come on!
Don't fucking beg.
We need equipment though, man.
-[Steves] Easy.
-Oh, yes, Steves.
Sorry I'm late, boys.
Community service, innit?
Dun know. Your man knows them tings
and that, right.
-You do community service as well?
-I went jail, which is ten times harder.
Sorry, excuse me, sorry,
do you know where the toilet is?
-Nah.
-Do you not work here?
Nah.
[Grindah] Hello. Over here.
-Nah, it's cool.
-What you doing? Where you going?
How'd you know you don't want anything
if you haven't even fucking had a look.
-[Steves] He needed to go toilet.
-[Beats] This is shit.
Stevie, come with me for a minute,
let's try this.
[Chabuddy] When you wear a hi-vis, yeah,
you can get away with anything, mate.
It, kind of, commands respect.
People don't ask questions.
Right, just stay here.
Act natural, act natural.
I used to walk around
Heathrow wearing one.
OK. Taking all the unclaimed suitcases,
just walking off with them.
No one blinked an eye.
Also there's around 20 geezers
who look identical to me working there.
So, perfect crime.
-A bit saucy but, you know, clean, clean.
-[manic laughing]
Hi, hi, hi, excuse me.
I'm really sorry to inform you but, erm,
this whole stall has been reserved
for my son, Tony.
I've been here three hours so, you know,
I'm not moving now.
No, totally understand,
totally understand, totally understand,
totally understand, but the thing is,
I have been informed
that you will have to move.
-Informed by who?
-The, erm...
The stall manager. [coughs]
-Sorry, I've got a little bit of a...
-Yeah.
Here we go.
I'm the stall manager. Is there a problem
with moving this stall?
Yeah, there is actually. This lady
seems to think this is her placement,
but she's, er, she's wrong.
Well, I'm here every week.
This is my place.
Let me just check in my files.
Yeah, there's... It says here
that you're not supposed to be here.
Somebody else has booked it out
on this occasion.
So, we would ask you to kindly move out,
out of here.
[sighs] Sorry, who are you?
-I'm the...
-Stall manager.
-Store manager.
-Stall manager!
-Stall, stall manager.
-Stall. S-T-A-double-L. Stall.
For the... I manage the...
Look, he's in charge, OK, and he sent me.
You've already wasted three of my hours,
that's good selling time.
-Listen, I'm moving. I said I'm moving.
-OK. OK.
Quickly.
-Jaldi, jaldi, jaldi!
-Yeah, yeah!
[Tanya] Have you seen the pictures
of Jackie's new flat? It's really nice.
Oh, right, yeah. Me and Grindah
were looking for something like that.
Yeah, he wanted to hold out
for something better though,
you know, with a steam room.
We're holding out cos we're hoping
if we wait then we'll get the good stuff.
-Cos all the bad stuff will be gone.
-Exactly.
-When's yours getting sorted, then?
- I dunno. But, you know, it'll be fine.
Ahh, well, I should really give them
a ring, Miche.
-You don't want to leave it too late.
-Yeah, I'm alright, Jackie.
We've got it under control, thank you,
I know what I'm doing.
[Grindah] People are like,
"Oh, we need to move now!"
That's like when you go to the airport
and someone gets up,
you know, when people start queueing.
I sit on the seat
right till the last minute.
Cos I've clocked that.
That's the same thing here.
-D'you know what I mean? Yeah.
-Clever.
Watch out, guys, watch your backs
we're just doing a rotation of the stall.
[Grindah]
Just like that we're at centre stage. Ha.
In for a penny, in for a pound!
Baby stuff, Kurupt FM merchandise.
Get your headphones, two for a pound.
-Headshot, signed, by me, MC Grindah.
-Get your MC Grindah picture!
Which one do you want? 80 quid.
D'you know what you'd like, actually,
is this.
It's the classic tit... breast pump.
Scart leads? Who wants scart leads?
Do you need a birthing T-shirt,
whilst you're at it?
-No, no.
-You're good, yeah?
You aware the 12 o'clock
surcharge has just kicked in?
12 o'clock we actually charge
another 50p per customer.
Sweet, thank you.
Oi, boys.
People have just been giving me money.
Quid there.
Look, he's holding it.
Little bambino wants it.
Look, put them on. Look at that.
You like that, do ya? It's a breast pump.
-For me?
-If you're lactating then, yeah.
Boys.
-Hard cash. Number one seller. Come on.
-Well done.
Sorry, have you paid the entrance fee?
Yeah?
Cos there's been reports
that people haven't been paying.
No, listen, 15 quid. I've got kids,
I've got three kids at home.
They haven't got shoes!
My kids are walking around with blisters.
They haven't got shoes.
He's got shoes!
-Is it you? OK. What's your name?
-No.
-Fred.
-Fred.
OK, Fred.
-Just...
-Alright.
-That's £5--
-Sorry!
What's going here? This isn't your stall?
Well, it is now, mate.
I've just been told
you forced someone to move?
Yeah, cos you gave us the shittest place
in the whole thing.
I'm sorry, but I'm gonna
have to ask you to leave.
Well, unfortunately,
I don't accept your apology.
What? I'm not apologising. Can you move!
What seems to be the problem here?
-Who are you?
-I'm Steves.
-And who are you?
-I'm the site manager.
Oh, site manager!
We've been saying stall manager.
We were close, Steve.
I'm gonna have to take
your name for my records, as well.
Cos I'm...
-Doing the rounds.
-I'm sorry, are you pretending to write?
-This is just a blank piece of paper.
-It's my work paper.
Oh, give up, Steves,
we're getting thrown out.
-We are getting thrown out, aren't we?
-Yes, you are getting thrown out.
-OK, pack up now, please.
-You pack up now as well.
-No, no, I'm not helping you.
-We don't need your crap market anyway.
Guys, if we can pack up, please.
Steves, fucking help.
-Chabuds, bring the van round.
-Yeah, OK. Right off, mate.
-This place is the joke of London.
-I just want you to leave, please.
-Yes.
-No, we'll get this place cleared up.
[Grindah] My heads, literally,
going 20 miles an hour, like.
To think of how I'm gonna sort Kurupt FM.
D'you know what I'm saying?
Cos, like, obviously, I always look...
You just see what's happening now,
d'you know what I'm saying?
I see what's happening later.
D'you know what I mean?
Always 46 steps ahead.
-So I'm dealing with the now.
-She's dealing with the now.
-You're dealing with the 46 steps ahead.
-I'm dealing with the future.
Hiya. Yeah, I just wanted to check
on the status of our new flat?
Yeah, it's Michelle Zagrafos.
[producer]
Isn't the move the future, then?
Yeah, but we don't know
where we're moving too.
-You've got to sort it out now.
-You've got to sort it out now.
Is that definitely
the only option we have now?
Yeah, well, what part of London
is Essex in?
-Just getting Steves in.
-Alright, sweet.
[Steves] Slam the door.
[Grindah] What a shithole!
-[Beats] Did we get enough money?
-[Grindah] Nowhere near.
-I thought you were going straight back!
-Oh, shut up!
-We're off, mate. See you later.
-Out the way!
[steward] Unbelievable.
[Steves] Boys, I'm gonna be sick.
Open the present,
cos it's from all of us, isn't it?
Is it something for my new place? [gasps]
Oh, my goodness. That is perfect.
They are my colours.
That will go in the en suite.
Two bathrooms.
We were told Hammersmith.
-Up and coming, it's the new place.
-Oh, yeah, it's up and come, I think.
It's so nice. You're still in west.
Yeah, no, no, absolutely. It's gorgeous,
everything you need's there.
[Grindah] I'm gonna have to take
one for the team, ain't I?
I'm gonna have to do something
I never thought I'd have to do.
What?
I'm gonna pawn the ring.
-Oh, God, no.
-Yeah. Shh.
It's for the cause, alright?
It's our destiny.
[Chabuddy] Tony, you're a good guy.
-[Beats] Not now.
-[coughs]
Take it.
I want it all in cash.
Yeah, that's not real gold, mate.
-Course it's real gold.
-It's also really bent.
So, sorry,
we wouldn't be able to except that.
-Grindah wouldn't wear fake gold, mate.
-Yeah.
You could definitely
say that's gold, mate.
Trust me, I've sold a lot of things
less gold than that, you idiot.
-Come on, let's get out of here.
-What about this one?
-Bless you, Steve mate, with all that tat.
-No, not the whistle.
-This one.
-This would be OK.
[Beats] Isn't that your nan's ring?
Yeah, but I feel like, maybe this is
why she gave it to me, in a way.
-Yeah.
-[Beats] She was a big fan of Kurupt FM.
So, she moved out for it,
so it's probably what she wants.
-[Chabuddy] Sell it, sell it.
-Yeah, it's good.
I'll have to speak to the manager
to get an exact price.
If you want to come round
to the sales desk.
-[Grindah] What?!
-I will need the whistle back, though.
Alright.
-Result.
-Sick.
-Tony, if you want fake rings--
-I don't want fake rings.
I only wear real ones.
Alright, guys, I can offer you
180 cash for it.
-What?! £180?
-What? 180?
-[Chabuddy] Wow!
-That's sick.
-Yes, then. It's a deal.
-[Chabuddy] Shake his hand!
-It's a deal.
-He shook the hand.
That's how you haggle. Amateurs.
20, 40, 60,
80, one, 20, 40, 60,
70, 80, 180 cash.
-Perfect.
-Alright, guys.
-Right.
-Perfect.
-£180. Cash.
-Exactly.
-Perfect. Yep. Sweet.
-We got enough now, yeah?
-Perfect.
-Sick.
[answerphone] Our opening hours are
9:00am till 5:00pm, Monday to Friday.
Council office is shut, so, that's great.
[producer] Are you worried
about having to move to Essex?
Yeah, I am worried about Essex
but obviously we're gonna
have to live there now
cos I can't even get through to someone
to sort it out, so that's it.
Alright, Mum.
Yeah, do you want to come over now?
Yeah, no, definitely bring wine. OK.
Yeah, no, I'll talk to you
when you get here, it's fine. OK.
Yep, bye.
-[Steves] What is it, a speaker?
-Speaker with lights.
-Oh, fucking hell! Look at this.
-Sick.
No, thanks. [laughs] Guitars.
-Who even plays them?
-Who'd even pay for that these days?
It's not the '60s.
Course the deck we're taking straight away
and the mixer.
That's 89. You're looking at 150 there
cos that's worth it's wait in water.
109. Let's see where we're at.
-20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70...
-[Beats muttering]
-What you doing?
-I'm counting as well.
You're throwing me off.
-Let me do that again. OK.
-OK.
[counting together]
-What?
-Don't talk cos I forgot now.
I'm just doing the first one. 20.
30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100,
120, 130, 140, 150, 160...190, 200.
[Beats] What you need to
run a pirate radio station
is passion for music,
decks, a microphone, transmitter,
and the best MC in the galaxy.
[producer] And how many of those
do you have at the moment?
We've only got the best MC in the galaxy.
We ain't really got any equipment
at the moment but we're working on that.
[Grindah] Let's get the fuck out of here.
-Decks.
-Speaker.
-[Chabuddy] And turn.
-Oi, spud me.
Essex is a piss take, Miche.
They shouldn't be allowed to
move you that far.
I know, I literally don't know what to do.
Do you remember that bin man,
Charlie, yeah?
-A couple of years ago I used to go with.
-Yeah, he smelt funny.
He knows someone,
who knows one of the councillors, right?
He might be able to pull
a few strings for ya.
Anything for my girl, you know that.
I don't want you to shag a bin man
so I can stay in Brentford, Mum.
Don't you knock a bin man. I've had quite
a few in my time and they're alright.
They scrub up OK, they really do.
[Beats sighs] Oh, I miss this place.
[Steves] Seen the new layout?
Fucking hell, Steves.
It's a complete shithole in here.
Grindah's not gonna like this.
I thought we could just try it
like this, cos I got the furniture...
Nah, we need to be exactly
how it used to be, Steves.
-Has it?
-What have you done?
I've was trying to do,
like a, Feng Shui thing,
like, get the ambience
of the room just right, sort of thing,
It's good for the mind, apparently.
Yeah. Right,
let's go and get the other bits.
[producer] Are you worried about
having Kurupt FM back in your flat?
Yeah, I am a bit worried
about it but, erm,
Grindah said unfortunately
it has to be at my flat.
[Beats] Steves, come on.
[Steves] Cos he...
can't be fucked to find anywhere else.
Yeah, that's feeling better already.
Shit's gotta get dealt with.
[Grindah] When you try
and tell me what to do, right?
Obviously, I'm gonna put you
in your place, straight up.
-D'you know what I'm sayin'?
-[producer] Oh, really?
Every time, obviously.
Man's MC Grindah out here.
You don't become the best MC in the galaxy
just by taking shit off people, yeah?
Yes, yes, I've come to--
Nah, there's just someone
at the door, bruv.
-Nah, literally, no one.
-You on the phone?
-Yeah, yeah. No, I can do that, bruv.
-Bailey. Bailey.
No, I'm not coming up, I've quit.
Fuck sake!
Just gotta back me, yeah?
Shit could get fucking messy, boys.
[grime music plays]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-What you doing?
-I've come to...
I've come to let you know that... I quit.
-I don't work for no man.
-What?
You've come all the way down here
to tell me that?
I thought I'd come and tell you
to your face, like a real man.
-Alright, cool.
-Yeah, exactly.
What, is this cos we caught you
doing a sit down piss, yeah?
No, you didn't. No, no, that was...
Oi, that's legendary.
Big up all the sit down piss crew.
It's more comfortable that way.
And... [fake laugh]
I know you lot like to have a laugh, yeah?
When I try to have a laugh with you lot,
you're silent.
-Alright, go.
-Good.
-See ya later then.
-Laters.
Fuck that.
Good luck
trying to get listeners without us.
Fucking pussyoles.
Hurry up, Decoy. Get out the way.
-What we have to run?
-Yeah.
Angel? Pretend to be Daddy.
-Pretend to be Daddy.
-OK, erm...
-Hello.
-We're moving to Essex.
What?
We have to leave our home
and our friends and family behind.
Oh, Miche, don't do that.
So, everything you love's gone now.
What about Carly?
Dad doesn't know Carly.
It doesn't matter, does it?
I won't see her anymore.
Daddy wouldn't say that, would he?
[Miche] Yeah, he's gonna be devastated.
He, basically, owns Brentford, in a way.
Like, he's built up this reputation here.
It's just gonna be completely shattered.
He's gonna have to start again.
It might take years for him
to be as respected,
as important there as he is here.
Yes, yes, what's going on? Good, yeah?
Kurupt FM is back, yeah.
No one can hold us down.
-Never.
-For this I say, three...
[all] Two, one!
[cheering]
[Beats] We put in way too much time
-to fucking stop doing this now, innit?
-Bruv, trust me, like.
-To us.
-To us.
[Grindah] Man's made my bed right now,
yeah, and guess what?
Me and him are gonna
lie in it forever, like.
[knocking on door]
-Why hasn't he got his key?
-I dunno.
-Alright?
-Mmm.
Where's Grindah?
Darling!
You owe me a lot of bear hugs,
d'you know that?
-I bear hug the shit out of you later.
-[giggles]
[Chabuddy] So that's our sexy little
codeword. When she says bear hug...
she actually means sex.
And I need a lot of bear hugs,
don't I, baby?
Do you want me to bear hug
your nanny later on, Angel?
Mama.
I know what it means.
Right, I think she's figured out the code.
-She has, yeah.
-I'll switch it up.
He never replies to my messages.
[Grindah] I'm living the dream right now.
I've got goals. If you've got goals,
you don't need a job.
If you know where your dreams are,
you don't need to live in reality.
They're not picking up.
[Grindah MC-ing]
♪ Hey, up on the mic... ♪
♪ Who the bona fide,
original, genuine-a? ♪
♪ One of a kind,
come signed like a collider ♪
♪ MC Grindah, you know me,
come down with a vibe-a! ♪
-[producer] Where you headed?
Where we headed? Radio, of course, like.
Kurupt FM, the baddest out here, yeah?
No matter what no one says, yeah?
[producer] What have people been saying?
-[Grindah] Not saying anything, bruv.
-[Beats] No one says anything.
Bruv, one day off air,
d'you know what I'm saying?
We's back the next day, like.
Come through.
[Beats] Right about now, you are locked in
to the sounds of the legendary Kurupt FM--
Oi, oi, oi, what did I say?
On Kold FM.
[Grindah] Still front your K's though,
that still works.
-Yeah, but just say Kold FM.
-Yes, alright. Well, no...
This is Beats and Grindah
live and direct now right, yeah.
-Yeah, on Kold FM.
-On Kold FM.
[producer] Has it been a good year?
Yeah, married life has definitely been
the fairy tale I'd imagined.
-It's been an amazing year--
-It's been a pretty rough year, on me.
What, with the marriage...
I mean, the marriage is alright.
But that night was bittersweet, really.
And if I remember us getting married,
I remember Kurupt getting raided.
Well, you've always got the good memories.
And it'd been a shit night...
No, it was a shit night for me.
Hold tight, Steves, locked in
wherever you are, yeah.
-Trust we. Our hearts go out to ya.
-Yes, yes, stay strong, bruva.
Bruv, what is this? Loose Women?
What you doing, bruv?
[producer] Do you feel guilty
about Steves getting arrested?
Sometimes the king has to be able
to chuck away one of the little prawns,
just so the fucking, the whole team
can eat, d'you know what I'm saying, like?
Checkmate.
Oi, oi, oi, make sure
you promote the rave, yeah?
-We're not playing at the rave.
-I don't care. Promote the rave.
-Why? It's cutting into our set.
-Just do it. Just do it.
[Beats] There's a famous quote
I think Grindah came up with, which is,
"Learn from your failures."
I think it's true.
Let's say, for example,
with me, having Robin.
Yes, it was a massive mistake.
Would I do it again? Definitely not.
Am I gonna get a vasectomy? Yes, I am.
-[laughing] Tickly, tickly. Yeah.
-That's enough.
[producer] Has it been a good year then?
It's been a, kind of,
crash course in sex, for me, really.
-And when I say crash, I mean, literally--
-Yeah, he has got hurt a couple of times.
-Yeah, but he didn't mind.
-Yeah, I didn't mind. No.
I mean, I can put anything at him,
in him, on him...
Shh, don't say stuff
about putting stuff in me.
Yeah, just...
-You lot got your subs or what?
-[Grindah] Yes, I got my subs.
[coins hitting floor]
-What you doing?
-Sorry.
-Stop touching me, get on with it.
-No worries.
-[producer] Has Kurupt been forgotten?
-[Beats] We haven't been forgotten, no.
Cos people still come up to me confused,
like, "Rah, you still doing music?"
And they know we are.
They don't even know we're off air,
people don't even know we're off air.
Just give it to me.
-What's wrong with you?
-Sorry about that, man.
Fucking joke, mate.
D'you know how this looks bad on you?
We need to fucking sort this out.
We need to get some decks and shit,
ASAP, bruv.
-I'm not fucking going back there.
-Nah, I can't go back in there.
-You should be fuming, bruv.
-I am fuming.
-[Grindah] Ah, fucking hand!
-[Beats] Shit. Was that your mic hand?
-[Grindah] Fucking pussyoles.
-[Beats] Shall we get you some ice?
[Grindah] Get off me!
[Grindah] Miche!
-[Miche] Yeah?
-Where have you moved my headshots?
Your what?
The photos I gave you for your birthday,
where are they?
-In the wardrobe.
-What?
-The photos I gave you for your birthday?
-Yeah, they're in the wardrobe.
-Why you up so early? What are you doing?
-Man's got business to attend to, like.
-No, but they're mine.
-Yeah, I'm letting you keep one.
-This one? Yeah, same. Best pose.
-Yeah, my favourite.
Stunning.
[producer] Did you ever imagine
that Kurupt would end the way it did?
-It hasn't ended. Kurupt hasn't ended.
-Yeah, what do you mean?
It's just, we're refurbishing.
You don't know
what's happening behind the scenes.
[producer]
So you're trying to re-start Kurupt?
-Trying... Yes.
-Yes.
-Do you still need the tit milker?
-No, you can have that.
What you gonna do with it?
Cos it didn't feel nice.
Oh, no, we're gonna sell it.
Doing a car boot later.
Look, your mum's tit milker's
gonna earn us some money
so we can get some new equipment.
Ahh, yes, it is. Yeah.
If your gonna sell it, I'd go with
breast pump rather than tit milker.
Yeah, radio equipment
is proper expensive, man.
That's why it's taken us so long
to get the money together.
-There, you can have that if you want.
-Ahh, cheers. Thank you, Craig.
Thanks, man.
When you got to sell some old tat
that no one else will buy on eBay,
best place for it, car boot sale.
[producer] Do you think
people will want those photos?
-Well, obviously.
-Yeah, obviously.
Obviously, when they see this shit
as well, they'll be like,
"Ahh, rah, OK, I know what time it is.
Have you got any signed photos
or anything?" Yes. I have.
Original. And it's got a number
on the back. Is that a number?
Yeah, it's three. Number three,
you get number three.
-[producer] Why have you numbered them?
-Cos then they're worth more.
[producer] Why's that?
Because then you know
there's only ten of them made. One to ten.
Simple numbering system.
Right, have you got a bag or anything?
Or a bigger box?
Er, I got this one.
-Shopping bag.
-No, no, don't wanna use that, no.
No, no, it's fine. I'll carry them.
-Why? What if they get dirty?
-No, I don't wanna use it.
-Just put them in there.
-No, it looks like I'm going shopping.
-Right, sweet. Yeah.
-Are you gonna say bye to me?
-OK. Aww.
-Sweet.
-See ya. Yep. Yes, I know.
-Love you! Love you!
-Love you.
-Yes! You've said it three times.
-Love you, bubby.
-Stop shouting.
Just say it back.
-Yeah, love you, bye.
-Aww.
Right, I'm gonna shoot off.
-Great. Have a lovely day.
-Yeah.
Fist bump?
-Yes.
-Yeah.
-Alright, see you fannies in a bit.
-Alright.
-Have fun.
-Bye.
[Steves] Ahh, yes.
Er, there's....
It's just got a handle on both sides.
-What'd he say it's called?
-I think it's called a hoe.
-Is it called a hoe?
-That's a hoe, yeah.
-How many hoes have you got?
-Come again?
-How many hoes have you got?
-Head over there.
[producer] What happened at the court?
[Steves] Basically, I've ended up
doing community service and getting...
a tag.
They said it was such
a low-level pirate radio operation
that it wasn't worth me
getting sent down for.
Is it cool to get some red ones?
I'll swap you.
I've got a "romededendron" here
you can have.
So, the judge said...
that we technically weren't
even a radio station
because the radius
of the aerial is so small.
He described it as, like,
like kids messing around in a bedroom.
I should use a spade, shouldn't I, really?
Use the hoe.
-Mmm, hoe.
-Yeah.
[van horn beeps]
[Chabuddy]
Get your bare joke kids out the way, man!
[steward] Can you give me one sec?
Hi. Hiya.
I'm afraid we don't have much space left.
OK, guys. I got this. Don't worry.
-Right.
-He's going come chat to you.
Ahh, hello, lady-mate. How's it going?
Really busy today, isn't it?
Really choc-a-block.
Lovely jubbly day to be selling
some car boot today, I tell ya, mate.
If you want to just pop back in,
you can go round the back there and just
squeeze in over there in the corner.
All the way at the back?
You taking me up the jack-and-danny, mate?
No, that's all we got left, I'm afraid.
[Chabuddy] So, I'm a hustler
and I was raised by hustlers.
I was raised by my Hounslow community.
And we're all very, very dodgy.
You know, very, very criminals,
in a way, but in a friendly way.
You know, not like, murder,
rape, just a bit of fraud.
You know, friendly, kind of, crime.
Let me have a quick
knack-a-chack with you, darling.
[Chabuddy] A lot of people around Hounslow
they compare me to another geezer,
Del Boy, but they call me Dhal Boy.
How about we grease each other up
and I'll get my place
and you get your...grease.
-No, no, I don't--
-Come on.
There's a donkey's worth
of change in there, darling.
Do you not mean a monkey?
Monk...I'll give you a monkey!
-How much is a monkey?
-[Grindah] 500 quid.
Oh, no, I won't give her 500 quid.
I can't tickle your fancy anymore.
I'll give you a donkey, darling.
No, you can't. Come on.
[chatting]
Jackie, it's your last day!
-Oh, Miche, you shouldn't have.
-Oh, no, it's fine.
I wanted to make the effort,
just in case no one else did.
-Do you like it?
-It's lovely.
Aww, did you and Angel make it?
God, no, Angel can't do art
to save her life, no.
It's all me.
-Oh. It's, it's gorgeous.
-Ahh, thank you. Shall we get it up?
[Miche] The big news around here
is that they're knocking down
the famous blocks so loads of us
are getting moved out to different areas.
-A bit higher, a bit higher.
-Come on, Jackie.
[Miche] Jackie's leaving cos she's being
moved to Hammersmith instead.
[producer] So, are you and Grindah
having to move?
Yeah, we're moving home,
the blocks are being knocked down.
But I'm not gonna leave this area
and just go and live somewhere random?
I mean, this is where everything is
for us, so it would be mad.
It's the end of an era.
Yeah, it is. It is an end of an era.
-But who knows what's round the corner?
-Amen.
-[Chabuddy] Can anyone even see us?
-[Grindah] No one can see shit.
[Beats] We need a better spot, man.
This is a joke.
[steward] OK, I'll leave you to it.
No, don't leave us to it.
Excuse me, what's your name?
-Sandra.
-Sandra, cool, please.
I really need to sell all our shit today
to get radio back up.
I run a local community radio station.
Well, I suggest you unpack
as quickly as you can.
-Oh, come on!
-And then see what you can sell.
-And then--
-You've got us where...
Look, that's, that's
not even a full thing.
This is his stuff.
People like these things.
-You sell stuff every week, don't you?
-No, they don't, no one's coming here.
-He comes every week.
-You come every week? OK.
And you still haven't sold anything.
-What does that tell ya?
-If they want it, they'll come.
[producer]
What are the alternatives to radio?
There are no alternatives to radio.
It's like saying,
what's the alternative to the internet?
There isn't one.
What's the alternative to radio?
-Nothing.
-There ain't ones.
What, putting on a suit and tie and, like,
aww, working for fucking
-eight hours a day, every day.
-That's insane.
D'you know what I'm saying?
I don't want that for me or my family.
[Chabuddy]
We'll make it work, don't worry.
[Beats] How much we charging on these?
Got to put them down
as about 80, I'd say.
-18?
-80!
-80?
-Yeah, 80. They're limited edition, mate.
-I've signed them.
-Pounds?
-Yes, £80.
-Yeah, no, it's just...
I paid 300 for the photo shoot, so...
I need to get the money back.
80... £80.
-Yes. 80.
-Like that, yeah?
Yeah, they'd be lucky
to get it for that price as well.
Alright, cool.
[Tanya]
I want you to sign her leaving card.
-Oh. "Sorry your leaving".
-Are you?
-"You'll be missed".
-Will she?
Oh, God, everyone's been
very polite in here, haven't they?
Dunno, what can you say, really?
Err, "Keep in touch"?
Just something like, "Good luck",
or you know,
"Gonna miss you" or "All the best".
Or, you know, "Sorry you're leaving".
"Sad you see you go".
Or something about hairdressing.
I really don't want to lie in the card,
cos it's written down, isn't it? So...
Yeah, erm.
I'll just write "All the best" again,
like they've written.
-I'll write "All the best, again. Love..."
-Yeah. OK.
Hmm? "Miche".
[Grindah] Anyone?
[Beats] Everybody! Kurupt FM merchandise!
Signed photos!
Anyone?
-Come on, please. Please!
-Come on!
Don't fucking beg.
We need equipment though, man.
-[Steves] Easy.
-Oh, yes, Steves.
Sorry I'm late, boys.
Community service, innit?
Dun know. Your man knows them tings
and that, right.
-You do community service as well?
-I went jail, which is ten times harder.
Sorry, excuse me, sorry,
do you know where the toilet is?
-Nah.
-Do you not work here?
Nah.
[Grindah] Hello. Over here.
-Nah, it's cool.
-What you doing? Where you going?
How'd you know you don't want anything
if you haven't even fucking had a look.
-[Steves] He needed to go toilet.
-[Beats] This is shit.
Stevie, come with me for a minute,
let's try this.
[Chabuddy] When you wear a hi-vis, yeah,
you can get away with anything, mate.
It, kind of, commands respect.
People don't ask questions.
Right, just stay here.
Act natural, act natural.
I used to walk around
Heathrow wearing one.
OK. Taking all the unclaimed suitcases,
just walking off with them.
No one blinked an eye.
Also there's around 20 geezers
who look identical to me working there.
So, perfect crime.
-A bit saucy but, you know, clean, clean.
-[manic laughing]
Hi, hi, hi, excuse me.
I'm really sorry to inform you but, erm,
this whole stall has been reserved
for my son, Tony.
I've been here three hours so, you know,
I'm not moving now.
No, totally understand,
totally understand, totally understand,
totally understand, but the thing is,
I have been informed
that you will have to move.
-Informed by who?
-The, erm...
The stall manager. [coughs]
-Sorry, I've got a little bit of a...
-Yeah.
Here we go.
I'm the stall manager. Is there a problem
with moving this stall?
Yeah, there is actually. This lady
seems to think this is her placement,
but she's, er, she's wrong.
Well, I'm here every week.
This is my place.
Let me just check in my files.
Yeah, there's... It says here
that you're not supposed to be here.
Somebody else has booked it out
on this occasion.
So, we would ask you to kindly move out,
out of here.
[sighs] Sorry, who are you?
-I'm the...
-Stall manager.
-Store manager.
-Stall manager!
-Stall, stall manager.
-Stall. S-T-A-double-L. Stall.
For the... I manage the...
Look, he's in charge, OK, and he sent me.
You've already wasted three of my hours,
that's good selling time.
-Listen, I'm moving. I said I'm moving.
-OK. OK.
Quickly.
-Jaldi, jaldi, jaldi!
-Yeah, yeah!
[Tanya] Have you seen the pictures
of Jackie's new flat? It's really nice.
Oh, right, yeah. Me and Grindah
were looking for something like that.
Yeah, he wanted to hold out
for something better though,
you know, with a steam room.
We're holding out cos we're hoping
if we wait then we'll get the good stuff.
-Cos all the bad stuff will be gone.
-Exactly.
-When's yours getting sorted, then?
- I dunno. But, you know, it'll be fine.
Ahh, well, I should really give them
a ring, Miche.
-You don't want to leave it too late.
-Yeah, I'm alright, Jackie.
We've got it under control, thank you,
I know what I'm doing.
[Grindah] People are like,
"Oh, we need to move now!"
That's like when you go to the airport
and someone gets up,
you know, when people start queueing.
I sit on the seat
right till the last minute.
Cos I've clocked that.
That's the same thing here.
-D'you know what I mean? Yeah.
-Clever.
Watch out, guys, watch your backs
we're just doing a rotation of the stall.
[Grindah]
Just like that we're at centre stage. Ha.
In for a penny, in for a pound!
Baby stuff, Kurupt FM merchandise.
Get your headphones, two for a pound.
-Headshot, signed, by me, MC Grindah.
-Get your MC Grindah picture!
Which one do you want? 80 quid.
D'you know what you'd like, actually,
is this.
It's the classic tit... breast pump.
Scart leads? Who wants scart leads?
Do you need a birthing T-shirt,
whilst you're at it?
-No, no.
-You're good, yeah?
You aware the 12 o'clock
surcharge has just kicked in?
12 o'clock we actually charge
another 50p per customer.
Sweet, thank you.
Oi, boys.
People have just been giving me money.
Quid there.
Look, he's holding it.
Little bambino wants it.
Look, put them on. Look at that.
You like that, do ya? It's a breast pump.
-For me?
-If you're lactating then, yeah.
Boys.
-Hard cash. Number one seller. Come on.
-Well done.
Sorry, have you paid the entrance fee?
Yeah?
Cos there's been reports
that people haven't been paying.
No, listen, 15 quid. I've got kids,
I've got three kids at home.
They haven't got shoes!
My kids are walking around with blisters.
They haven't got shoes.
He's got shoes!
-Is it you? OK. What's your name?
-No.
-Fred.
-Fred.
OK, Fred.
-Just...
-Alright.
-That's £5--
-Sorry!
What's going here? This isn't your stall?
Well, it is now, mate.
I've just been told
you forced someone to move?
Yeah, cos you gave us the shittest place
in the whole thing.
I'm sorry, but I'm gonna
have to ask you to leave.
Well, unfortunately,
I don't accept your apology.
What? I'm not apologising. Can you move!
What seems to be the problem here?
-Who are you?
-I'm Steves.
-And who are you?
-I'm the site manager.
Oh, site manager!
We've been saying stall manager.
We were close, Steve.
I'm gonna have to take
your name for my records, as well.
Cos I'm...
-Doing the rounds.
-I'm sorry, are you pretending to write?
-This is just a blank piece of paper.
-It's my work paper.
Oh, give up, Steves,
we're getting thrown out.
-We are getting thrown out, aren't we?
-Yes, you are getting thrown out.
-OK, pack up now, please.
-You pack up now as well.
-No, no, I'm not helping you.
-We don't need your crap market anyway.
Guys, if we can pack up, please.
Steves, fucking help.
-Chabuds, bring the van round.
-Yeah, OK. Right off, mate.
-This place is the joke of London.
-I just want you to leave, please.
-Yes.
-No, we'll get this place cleared up.
[Grindah] My heads, literally,
going 20 miles an hour, like.
To think of how I'm gonna sort Kurupt FM.
D'you know what I'm saying?
Cos, like, obviously, I always look...
You just see what's happening now,
d'you know what I'm saying?
I see what's happening later.
D'you know what I mean?
Always 46 steps ahead.
-So I'm dealing with the now.
-She's dealing with the now.
-You're dealing with the 46 steps ahead.
-I'm dealing with the future.
Hiya. Yeah, I just wanted to check
on the status of our new flat?
Yeah, it's Michelle Zagrafos.
[producer]
Isn't the move the future, then?
Yeah, but we don't know
where we're moving too.
-You've got to sort it out now.
-You've got to sort it out now.
Is that definitely
the only option we have now?
Yeah, well, what part of London
is Essex in?
-Just getting Steves in.
-Alright, sweet.
[Steves] Slam the door.
[Grindah] What a shithole!
-[Beats] Did we get enough money?
-[Grindah] Nowhere near.
-I thought you were going straight back!
-Oh, shut up!
-We're off, mate. See you later.
-Out the way!
[steward] Unbelievable.
[Steves] Boys, I'm gonna be sick.
Open the present,
cos it's from all of us, isn't it?
Is it something for my new place? [gasps]
Oh, my goodness. That is perfect.
They are my colours.
That will go in the en suite.
Two bathrooms.
We were told Hammersmith.
-Up and coming, it's the new place.
-Oh, yeah, it's up and come, I think.
It's so nice. You're still in west.
Yeah, no, no, absolutely. It's gorgeous,
everything you need's there.
[Grindah] I'm gonna have to take
one for the team, ain't I?
I'm gonna have to do something
I never thought I'd have to do.
What?
I'm gonna pawn the ring.
-Oh, God, no.
-Yeah. Shh.
It's for the cause, alright?
It's our destiny.
[Chabuddy] Tony, you're a good guy.
-[Beats] Not now.
-[coughs]
Take it.
I want it all in cash.
Yeah, that's not real gold, mate.
-Course it's real gold.
-It's also really bent.
So, sorry,
we wouldn't be able to except that.
-Grindah wouldn't wear fake gold, mate.
-Yeah.
You could definitely
say that's gold, mate.
Trust me, I've sold a lot of things
less gold than that, you idiot.
-Come on, let's get out of here.
-What about this one?
-Bless you, Steve mate, with all that tat.
-No, not the whistle.
-This one.
-This would be OK.
[Beats] Isn't that your nan's ring?
Yeah, but I feel like, maybe this is
why she gave it to me, in a way.
-Yeah.
-[Beats] She was a big fan of Kurupt FM.
So, she moved out for it,
so it's probably what she wants.
-[Chabuddy] Sell it, sell it.
-Yeah, it's good.
I'll have to speak to the manager
to get an exact price.
If you want to come round
to the sales desk.
-[Grindah] What?!
-I will need the whistle back, though.
Alright.
-Result.
-Sick.
-Tony, if you want fake rings--
-I don't want fake rings.
I only wear real ones.
Alright, guys, I can offer you
180 cash for it.
-What?! £180?
-What? 180?
-[Chabuddy] Wow!
-That's sick.
-Yes, then. It's a deal.
-[Chabuddy] Shake his hand!
-It's a deal.
-He shook the hand.
That's how you haggle. Amateurs.
20, 40, 60,
80, one, 20, 40, 60,
70, 80, 180 cash.
-Perfect.
-Alright, guys.
-Right.
-Perfect.
-£180. Cash.
-Exactly.
-Perfect. Yep. Sweet.
-We got enough now, yeah?
-Perfect.
-Sick.
[answerphone] Our opening hours are
9:00am till 5:00pm, Monday to Friday.
Council office is shut, so, that's great.
[producer] Are you worried
about having to move to Essex?
Yeah, I am worried about Essex
but obviously we're gonna
have to live there now
cos I can't even get through to someone
to sort it out, so that's it.
Alright, Mum.
Yeah, do you want to come over now?
Yeah, no, definitely bring wine. OK.
Yeah, no, I'll talk to you
when you get here, it's fine. OK.
Yep, bye.
-[Steves] What is it, a speaker?
-Speaker with lights.
-Oh, fucking hell! Look at this.
-Sick.
No, thanks. [laughs] Guitars.
-Who even plays them?
-Who'd even pay for that these days?
It's not the '60s.
Course the deck we're taking straight away
and the mixer.
That's 89. You're looking at 150 there
cos that's worth it's wait in water.
109. Let's see where we're at.
-20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70...
-[Beats muttering]
-What you doing?
-I'm counting as well.
You're throwing me off.
-Let me do that again. OK.
-OK.
[counting together]
-What?
-Don't talk cos I forgot now.
I'm just doing the first one. 20.
30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100,
120, 130, 140, 150, 160...190, 200.
[Beats] What you need to
run a pirate radio station
is passion for music,
decks, a microphone, transmitter,
and the best MC in the galaxy.
[producer] And how many of those
do you have at the moment?
We've only got the best MC in the galaxy.
We ain't really got any equipment
at the moment but we're working on that.
[Grindah] Let's get the fuck out of here.
-Decks.
-Speaker.
-[Chabuddy] And turn.
-Oi, spud me.
Essex is a piss take, Miche.
They shouldn't be allowed to
move you that far.
I know, I literally don't know what to do.
Do you remember that bin man,
Charlie, yeah?
-A couple of years ago I used to go with.
-Yeah, he smelt funny.
He knows someone,
who knows one of the councillors, right?
He might be able to pull
a few strings for ya.
Anything for my girl, you know that.
I don't want you to shag a bin man
so I can stay in Brentford, Mum.
Don't you knock a bin man. I've had quite
a few in my time and they're alright.
They scrub up OK, they really do.
[Beats sighs] Oh, I miss this place.
[Steves] Seen the new layout?
Fucking hell, Steves.
It's a complete shithole in here.
Grindah's not gonna like this.
I thought we could just try it
like this, cos I got the furniture...
Nah, we need to be exactly
how it used to be, Steves.
-Has it?
-What have you done?
I've was trying to do,
like a, Feng Shui thing,
like, get the ambience
of the room just right, sort of thing,
It's good for the mind, apparently.
Yeah. Right,
let's go and get the other bits.
[producer] Are you worried about
having Kurupt FM back in your flat?
Yeah, I am a bit worried
about it but, erm,
Grindah said unfortunately
it has to be at my flat.
[Beats] Steves, come on.
[Steves] Cos he...
can't be fucked to find anywhere else.
Yeah, that's feeling better already.
Shit's gotta get dealt with.
[Grindah] When you try
and tell me what to do, right?
Obviously, I'm gonna put you
in your place, straight up.
-D'you know what I'm sayin'?
-[producer] Oh, really?
Every time, obviously.
Man's MC Grindah out here.
You don't become the best MC in the galaxy
just by taking shit off people, yeah?
Yes, yes, I've come to--
Nah, there's just someone
at the door, bruv.
-Nah, literally, no one.
-You on the phone?
-Yeah, yeah. No, I can do that, bruv.
-Bailey. Bailey.
No, I'm not coming up, I've quit.
Fuck sake!
Just gotta back me, yeah?
Shit could get fucking messy, boys.
[grime music plays]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-What you doing?
-I've come to...
I've come to let you know that... I quit.
-I don't work for no man.
-What?
You've come all the way down here
to tell me that?
I thought I'd come and tell you
to your face, like a real man.
-Alright, cool.
-Yeah, exactly.
What, is this cos we caught you
doing a sit down piss, yeah?
No, you didn't. No, no, that was...
Oi, that's legendary.
Big up all the sit down piss crew.
It's more comfortable that way.
And... [fake laugh]
I know you lot like to have a laugh, yeah?
When I try to have a laugh with you lot,
you're silent.
-Alright, go.
-Good.
-See ya later then.
-Laters.
Fuck that.
Good luck
trying to get listeners without us.
Fucking pussyoles.
Hurry up, Decoy. Get out the way.
-What we have to run?
-Yeah.
Angel? Pretend to be Daddy.
-Pretend to be Daddy.
-OK, erm...
-Hello.
-We're moving to Essex.
What?
We have to leave our home
and our friends and family behind.
Oh, Miche, don't do that.
So, everything you love's gone now.
What about Carly?
Dad doesn't know Carly.
It doesn't matter, does it?
I won't see her anymore.
Daddy wouldn't say that, would he?
[Miche] Yeah, he's gonna be devastated.
He, basically, owns Brentford, in a way.
Like, he's built up this reputation here.
It's just gonna be completely shattered.
He's gonna have to start again.
It might take years for him
to be as respected,
as important there as he is here.
Yes, yes, what's going on? Good, yeah?
Kurupt FM is back, yeah.
No one can hold us down.
-Never.
-For this I say, three...
[all] Two, one!
[cheering]
[Beats] We put in way too much time
-to fucking stop doing this now, innit?
-Bruv, trust me, like.
-To us.
-To us.
[Grindah] Man's made my bed right now,
yeah, and guess what?
Me and him are gonna
lie in it forever, like.
[knocking on door]
-Why hasn't he got his key?
-I dunno.
-Alright?
-Mmm.
Where's Grindah?
Darling!
You owe me a lot of bear hugs,
d'you know that?
-I bear hug the shit out of you later.
-[giggles]
[Chabuddy] So that's our sexy little
codeword. When she says bear hug...
she actually means sex.
And I need a lot of bear hugs,
don't I, baby?
Do you want me to bear hug
your nanny later on, Angel?
Mama.
I know what it means.
Right, I think she's figured out the code.
-She has, yeah.
-I'll switch it up.
He never replies to my messages.
[Grindah] I'm living the dream right now.
I've got goals. If you've got goals,
you don't need a job.
If you know where your dreams are,
you don't need to live in reality.
They're not picking up.
[Grindah MC-ing]
♪ Hey, up on the mic... ♪
♪ Who the bona fide,
original, genuine-a? ♪
♪ One of a kind,
come signed like a collider ♪
♪ MC Grindah, you know me,
come down with a vibe-a! ♪