Penn Zero: Part-Time Hero (2014–2017): Season 1, Episode 37 - Zap One - full transcript

We flashback to how it all started... On his first day of high school, Penn learns his parents aren't insurance salespeople, but part-time heroes - his own true destiny.

Wherever good
is threatened,

heroes rise
to the challenge

and always
save the day.

Except when they don't.

And that's when
I go to work.

I zap into dimensions
every day.

It's my job
to be a hero,

save the world,
and make things right.

Kung Fu moles,
rescue trolls,

punch a zombie,
score a goal!

I'm a robot, I'm a rabbit,
I'm a knight!



♪ Stretching,
swinging, spying ♪

♪ Flying, flipping,
monster-kicking ♪

Boone and Sashi
always sticking by my side!

No villain's gonna stop...

Penn Zero: Part-Time Hero!

Penn Zero:
Part-Time Hero!

Penn Zero: Part-Time Hero!

Penn Zer--aaugh!

Cock-a-doodle-doo!

♪ Today's the day,
today's the day ♪

♪ My 50th zap,
being a hero my way ♪

♪ The sky is blue,
my MUHU too ♪

♪ Saving the world
is what I'm gonna do ♪

♪ Oh, when I started this,
I was but a boy ♪



♪ But I'm still a boy ♪

♪ So I don't know
what my point was ♪

♪ But on my 50th zap ♪

♪ I won't switch genders
so I'll still be a boy ♪

♪ A boy they'll throw
a surprise party for ♪

♪ Oh, today's the day ♪

♪ Today's the day ♪

♪ My 50th zap
that I will make ♪

♪ And they will throw me
a surprise party ♪

♪ And I will eat some... ♪

PHYLLIS: Surprise!

Hey, it's our
50th zap, too.

Ooh! Nice.

Congratulation on
50th zap thing.

Parents have two second
to give compliment.

- We're so proud...
- You make me so...

Two seconds are up.

I am going
to hug you now.

It's not weird.

( nervous chuckle )

Dude, 50 zaps.

I totally remember
our very first one.

- Me, too.
- Yeah.

Well, no time for a flashback.
Let's get to work.

Is okay, I built flashback
time into schedule.

Yeah, just not feelin'
a flashback.

You will flash back.

It's your very first
day of school.

- Day of school!
- Day of school!

ALL: Day of high school!

I should probably
wear pants.

Who's ready for breakfast?

Huh. For life insurance
salespeople,

you sure are nimble.

What you're heading into
might feel overwhelming,

but you are capable
of so much.

And no matter
how hard things get,

just be yourself.

Why are you guys
being so dramatic?

We'll pick you up
after school.

But if for some reason
we're late...

That rundown
movie theater?

If we're late,
just go there.

There's nothing
to worry about.

Why would I
be worried?

I love you
so much, pal.

- Love you, sweetie.
- Okay, guys.

This is turning into
a bit of a scene here.

( loudly )
I love my son!

Ho-ho, up top.
All right, hey.

Nice to make your acquaintance,
my good man, or woman.

I'm not making
any assumptions.

We don't know what's
going on in there.

( blows whistle )

Hey, put me in, coach,
I'm ready to go.

Watch the enthusiasm, mister.

Doesn't make any sense.

Why would they put
a urinal in the hallway?

Uh, Boone,
that's a water fountain.

Never drink from that.

Uh, what was with
your dad?

I don't know.
They've been acting
real weird.

Think they might have
some important life insurance
sales meeting today.

Yeah, "life insurance."

Yeah, right.

That is what
their jobs are.

Bump me again,
I'll punch your face

till your hair
goes straight.

Your nose is impossible.

Finally got out
of the locker... aah!

Well, she seems nice.

Good morning, students.
My name is Principal Larry.

I just wanted to say...

( blows one note )

♪ Today is
the first day of school ♪

♪ And first days of school
always rule, rule, rule ♪

♪ You seem like a fun
and a peppy, peppy crowd ♪

♪ And I'd hug you all,
but legally, I'm not allowed ♪

Good morning, students.

My name is
Principal Larry.

No smiling.

This is just my face.

How unfortunate
for you.

- Name.
- Penn.

- Ben what?
- No, uh, Penn.

- Yes, Ben.
- Penn.

- Ben.
- Penn.

With a "P."
Penn. Penn Zero.

Penn Zero.

Well, why didn't you
say so?

I've been so looking
forward to meeting you.

Well, uh, that seems like
a nice thing to say,

but your ultra-creepy
grin says otherwise.

I have a perfectly
charming grin.

But I'm going to make
your life a waking nightmare.

I'm going to crush
your spirit,

and make you beg
for mercy.

In Art?

Sure, yes. Art.

( evil laughter )

Dibs.

( bicycle bell ringing )

Well, at least my parents
forgot to pick me up.

( sighs )

( thunder rumbling )

Go into that building
and you will die...

( thunder crashes )

...is the name of this book.

Okey-doke.
Good day.

Hello?

( screams )

You're late.

- What?
- Sign this form.

Remove metal
from pocket.

Stamp timecard,
part-time job
starts now.

I don't... wait.

What part-time job?

Same as parents.

You are protector
of all good in
infinite universes.

- Infinite what?
- ( slurps )

Infinite universes.

You zap to worlds,
fill in for heroes

who need your help,
and save the day.

You are
part-time hero.

Hey, Penn, you ready
to do this?

Boone? You're
a half-time hero, too?

Negatory.

I am the part-time
wise man.

Me gots the brains.

What happened?
Where are my parents?

Something went little terrible
last mission.

Is okay.

They are alive.

Just, uh, trapped forever
in most dangerous world
imaginable.

Most dang... did you
just say

most dangerous
world imaginable?

You sent them
to a place called

the most dangerous
world imaginable!

They sent themselves.

They asked to go.

To save all universes;
to save you.

They knew the risks.

The cry-baby better not be
my part-time hero,

'cause that would waste
13 years of sidekick training.

And that?
What's the deal, old lady?

Hey, cut it out.
( muffled scream )

This is team.

Sashi, part-time sidekick.

Boone, part-time wise man.

And Penn Zero,
part-time hero.

Okay, we begin.

Whoa, what? Now?!

What is problem?

Yeah, I am not a hero.
I am a kid,

who found out
three seconds ago

that his parents
are now trapped

in a crazy dangerous
alternate universe.

I'm just not ready
for this in any way,

- and frankly shocked--
- Penn Zero,

no one is ever ready.
Good luck.

( Penn screams )

Whoa! What just happened?

Where am I?
Why are there three moons?

Quiet. You'll give away
our position.

We are all
going to die!

Relax.

I've seen this
1,000 times.

The reluctant hero,

forced to act before
you've gained the courage

to do so.

But believe me.

A hero lies within
that childlike 90-pound body,

and you will rise
to the challenge,

and save the day.

And if you can
believe in yourself,

there is nothing
that will ever stop you!

PHYLLIS: Training simulation
terminated.

( screaming )

That was completely
unacceptable!

Okay, training over.
Now for reals.

What? No, I cannot do this.
I won't.

I'm not a hero.
I quit.

You should quit, too.

( snoring )

Mom, Dad.

I had the weirdest dream.

♪ Good morning,
good morning ♪

♪ Get out of bed ♪

♪ Wake up, wake up,
wake up, sleepyhead ♪

Uncle Chuck,
Aunt Rose?

What are you
doing here?

Well, we're here
to take care of you

until your parents figure out
their little... situation.

By "little situation,"

do you mean trapped in
the most dangerous
world imaginable?

Yeah, but I got
hash browns.

You put raisins
in your hash browns?

- Those aren't raisins.
- ( hisses )

Get outta here.

♪ We're leaving,
we're leaving ♪

( yells )

You need to get it
together, man.

I didn't train
my whole life

to have my career
derailed by a weenie.

You know what?

If you want it so bad,
you scary little ninja,
you be the hero.

You're more than
qualified.

I don't wanna be the hero.

Sidekicks specialize in
kicking and fighting

and destroying and ripping
things apart.

That actually cost
hundreds of dollars.

Saved up for a year
for it.

I could call the police
at this point.

Look, I can only achieve
my best

if you're at
your best, too.

Or if you die
on a mission,

then you're replaced by
someone actually qualified.

You're demonstrating
some very worrisome tendencies.

Do you have any skills?

Well, I'm pretty good
at ♪ makin' up songs! ♪

( coughing )

See you at school.

( buzzing noise )

( buzzing continues )

( coughing )

( buzzing )

- Ha ha, there he is.
- Dad! You're okay.

Hey, was the smoke cool?
Your mom thought
it might be too much,

- but it was
your big moment.
- Is that Penn?

Mom? That crazy
theater lady

said that you were in the most
dangerous world imaginable.

That is a bit
of an exaggeration.

Incoming!

Dad!

Whoa!

Okay, we are in
the most dangerous
world imaginable.

But we're getting
lots of exercise.

We would've told you,
but we wanted you to have
a normal childhood.

Not worrying about
the balance of good and evil

teetering on the brink
of destruction every day,

which it is.

It always is.

We know it's
a lot of responsibility,

but so are
your pet fish.

Uh, I don't know
if I can do it.

Of course you can.

We believe
in you, honey.

Holy moley!

Don't worry about
saving the world.

Just worry about
being yourself.

- But also save the world.
- Mom!

Just promise me
something, Penn.

- That no matter
what happens...
- Yeah?

...you won't let
Uncle Chuck use my toilet.

Bye.

Yah!

( clears throat)

Hey, yes. Hello.

Cathy.

Is Phyllis.

Phyllis, yes. Look,

since it's my first zap,

why not just
take it easy on me?

Maybe a beginner world.

I don't choose the world.

Right. No, yeah,
I get that.

I totally understand.

It's just,
if the hero's supposed to win,

wouldn't it be better
if I go to a place

where I won't
immediately die?

I know, I know.
You don't choose the world.

No, but I chose
your parents,

and I chose you.

All right, Phyllis,
zap one.

Any words of advice?

Yes. Yes.
What was it?

It was something...
I forget.

Anyway, good luck.

Oh, yeah!

I am a pajama person.

- Wizard.
- Fine.

I am a pajama wizard.

What's the game plan?

Uh, yeah, glad you asked.

The... the plan
falls on me.

So I will tell you
that...

I have no idea.

( frustrated groan )

BOTH: Ooh!

You are a brave knight.

Me or Penn?

Penn?

I don't know.

Boone,
you're a wizard.

- And I am a--
- Fairy.

Winged warrior.

Our mission: using the weapon
of our choice,

we must defeat
the evil sorcerer

in an epic battle against
his fire-breathing dragon

and his army of
a billion goblins.

Not funny.
What is it for real?

( evil laughter )
Hello, students.

Oh, didn't they tell you?

I'm the part-time villain.

And I'm the part-time
minion.

Larry, please don't
undermine me.

This is our first
hero-villain encounter.

It's rather important.

I know, dummy.
That's why I made you this.

Goblins, get them.

Okay, Penn,
you're a knight.

Be the knight.

Right. Be the knight.

You can do this.

Thank you.

You didn't just run.

I'm not running.
This is a fast walk.

Maybe a mosey.

At most, a saunter.

- Use your magic.
- On it.

Oh, I knew
this would be easy.

But I mean,
come on.

I thought you'd
have a little fight

after what I did
to your mummy and daddy.

- It was you?
- Yeah.

Now, with no heroes
to stop me,

my part-time days
are over.

These worlds would crumble
with a real hero.

Why would they have
a chance with you?

( evil laughter )

Why would they
have a chance with me?

You know what?
You're right.

Everywhere we go,

you'll always know what
the real hero's supposed to do.

But that's good,
'cause I'm not the real hero.

I'm a total dork.

- Okay. What are you
blathering about?
- I accept.

Ha! Three kids versus
an army of a billion?

And me, and a dragon?

And me, with s'mores?

So I get to choose
the weapon we battle with?

- That's right.
- Then the weapon I choose...

...is rock and roll!

What? You can't.

Boone, hook it up.

On it.

♪ You want an epic battle ♪

♪ That's exactly what
you're gonna get ♪

♪ I'll rock the medieval
countryside ♪

♪ And never miss a fret ♪

♪ What's my name?
My name is Penn Zero ♪

♪ What's my name?
My name is Penn Zero ♪

♪ His name is Penn Zero,
he's an ordinary kid ♪

♪ But he's gonna
blow your house down ♪

♪ And that's exactly
what I did ♪

Don't rock out,
attack him.

But I can't stop listening.
It's so good!

♪ It's a righteous
rock battle ♪

♪ So let the stage burn ♪

♪ Three kids versus
a billion ♪

♪ Take the mic,
it's your turn ♪

Larry, hit me!

( singing off-key )
♪ I am Rippen,
and I can also rock ♪

♪ I climb a mighty dragon ♪

♪ And fly it to the top ♪

Well, at least wait
for the second verse.

♪ No one's waiting
for the second verse ♪

♪ We're coming for you
in every universe ♪

You're a fool.
I outsmarted your parents.

Who do you think you are?

♪ My name is
Penn Zero ♪

♪ And I'm here
to save the world ♪

♪ My name is Penn Zero ♪

♪ I'm a part-time hero ♪

I don't like to admit
I was wrong about someone,

so I won't.

Oh! Thank you.

I really wish I could
keep these pajamas.

Oh, chain mail?
Cool.

What's wrong? You forget
this was flashback?

Oh, you know, Penn,
that chain mail shirt

was in there
by accident.

It was part of
a Halloween costume.

Oh, okay. Cool.

Uh, 50th zap.
Let's do this, guys.

It's not actually metal.
More of a breathable
cheap plastic mesh

for ladies, but
you make it work.

- Go with it, buddy.
- Okay, not helping, Dad.

Trying to get in
the zone here.

Your mother wore it
the night of our
tenth anniversary.

I won't go into
the details.

Okay, just zap us already!

She looked
spectacular.