Peacemaker (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - The Choad Less Traveled - full transcript
So, after the butterfly
flew out of Goff's head,
what happened to it?
I shot it.
It just... blew apart.
It would've been nice to have captured it,
but I guess it's good it didn't get away.
I'm not sure
I'm ever gonna walk again.
Why?
Motherfucker cut
half my pinky toe off.
It's the most important
toe there is.
- I don't think so.
- Okay, that's not true.
Yeah, it is!
You can't walk without it!
You can walk just fine
without a pinky toe.
You'll fall over all the time,
look stupid, and everyone will laugh at you.
Who's gonna laugh at you for falling
over because you don't have a toe?
I was just imagining it.
I'm s... I'm sorry.
You can't walk if you lose
your metatarsal.
That's like the knuckle
of the pinky toe.
But if you just lose your pinky, it's fine.
What are we gonna do about him?
- Hey, no!
- No!
- You okay to drive now?
- Yeah.
Harcourt and Adebayo, go through
those boxes from the Goff residence.
See if there's anything
to lead us to other butterflies.
Me? Why not John?
He's got to keep
Judomaster alive!
Peacemaker, in my office.
You sure your head is in this?
- What?
- You choked last night.
Are you kidding me? Maybe that
wouldn't have happened
if you put a goddamn dove
of peace on the sniper rifle!
One of the most important things
about killing someone, to me,
is a fucking dove of peace
on the weapon.
That's bullshit,
and you know it!
You also told me to kill kids.
You didn't say why!
Yeah, okay, one was homely.
That didn't make it better,
it made it worse!
I started to feel sorry for it.
Yeah, I may have pushed you
too hard on that one.
I made a vow
to have peace at any cost,
no matter how many men, women,
and children I need to kill to get it.
But I'm not fucking killing kids
just because you say so!
You're sure that's all it is?
- Yeah.
- Good...
'cause right now the world needs a son
of a bitch, and you're the only one I got.
- Fuck it! Fuck! Fuck!
- Well, I guess him now, too.
Fuck, it hurts to walk on!
- You sure about that?
- Yes.
Why?
Vigilante's a bit, uh...
You think that's something
I wouldn't have noticed?
Yeah. Yeah, right.
Ever since I had to team up
with Matter-Eater Lad,
my sense of what's normal
is a little fucked up.
You have to keep
Vigilante close.
If he talks,
he could ruin everything.
I once saw him eat
an entire Wendy's Restaurant.
Vigilante ate a restaurant?
No, Matter-Eater Lad. That's
his power, he can eat anything.
They took too long with his fries or
something. The guy's a fucking lunatic.
His name is Matter-Eater Lad?
Yeah, but with all that's going on,
why are you so interested in him?
Not the time
to be getting distracted, Murn.
Okay.
Hey, these butterflies...
they're like alien bugs that crawl up
into human brains and control people?
Get some rest,
come back tonight.
We'll explain the whole thing.
Okay.
Listen, again,
I'm sorry about last night.
I've never killed anyone before.
You said.
I've never shot anyone.
I've never shot at anyone.
Hell, I'm a pescatarian.
So, you're okay with making that
poor bastard's last minute of life
the worst suffering imaginable
because you're too much of a coward
to put him out of his misery,
but you won't
eat a fucking fish?
Got it.
I do eat fish.
Pescatarians, we don't eat pork,
- or beef or...
- I don't give a shit, Adebayo.
The truth is, you want to do
this job, you can't balk. Ever.
You have to make
the hard choice when necessary.
I gotta go to the bathroom.
Hey! You're just
gonna keep him here?
What else
are we supposed to do with him?
I don't know, a hospital?
What, so he can narc?
God, there's so many secrets.
Yeah, that's what
black ops is, dude.
And, um, don't worry
about Harcourt.
She doesn't really like anybody.
Yeah, I just gotta show her and
Murn that I got what it takes, I guess.
Well, I got what it takes.
Stomped his ass!
Uh-huh.
Don't fuck with
John Economos, motherfucker!
Hey, swing by my dad's
on the way home.
He's got a helmet
I think I can use in all this.
Listen, uh, I've been meaning to thank you
for allowing me to be tortured last night.
You're welcome?
You know, I would... For a
minute, I was... I was kinda PO'd.
Like, you didn't care
about the fact that I was in...
you know, agonizing pain!
Okay.
Yeah, but then I realized you
were... you were just supporting me
and helping me to become
the best me that I could be.
Someone who doesn't spill the
beans while being electrocuted
and having half his toe cut off.
- You seem to be walking okay.
- Well, I'll probably never walk as good again.
But it's worth it, you know, for being
a more evolved human being, so...
thank you!
I've never had
a friend quite like you.
- What?
- It just seems like, under the surface,
- you're kinda angry about it.
- I'm not.
- Seems like you are.
- Well, I'm not at all, dude.
Okay, the way
you said "dude" right there.
- What?
- Seems miffed.
Nah, I said it
like I always say it.
You know what? If anything,
you should be grateful,
because you would feel really
guilty if I gave that guy information
'cause you were too much of a
candy-ass to take a little torture.
Oh, yeah, I would
have been real guilty!
You see, that.
That, right there, was angry.
No, it wasn't! It was normal.
I was... I was agreeing with you.
Why does your father have
an upside-down American flag on his lawn?
I don't know, dude.
It's a Deep State thing.
Or your dad
is a racist wack job.
Oh, yeah? Your dad
left your mom for another dude.
- Hey!
- He did.
Yeah, and they're
deeply in love.
I doubt it. You know, I think he's just
pretending to be gay to get away from you.
Okay, maybe! But what does
that have to do with anything?
I don't know. I thought
we were talking about dads.
Stay here, I'll be back.
Fuck it.
Oh, hey, it's you!
This is KWUE, your news at noon.
Chaos at the Evergreen
Zoo this morning, as zookeepers report
Charlie, the silverback
gorilla, is missing.
The facility has been closed, and forensics
teams have been sweeping the area.
Zoo officials say they have no
idea how the gorilla was stolen...
And I hope Charlie
comes back, too. I love that gorilla!
There are gaps in the armor.
- What?
- Your dad's White Dragon costume, right?
There are weak points
where the cloth is.
I thought I told you
to wait in the car!
All the radio stations
are playing commercials...
How is it so big in this place?
It's a quantum
unfolding storage area.
It leads to a dimensional
nodule outside normal space.
Well, I guess your dad's pretty brainy
for a racist, to make a place like this.
And if your dad's a racist,
and you work with him...
I don't work with him!
He makes me stuff.
If it walks like a duck,
that's all I'm saying.
What the fuck's
that supposed to mean?
If it walks like a duck,
it's either a duck,
or a duck wearing...
some type of human... costume...
I don't know! He's... he's
unable to hide his distinctive walk!
How the fuck
could that even happen?
How would what happen?
A duck in a human costume?
The sizes are
completely incompatible!
I don't know.
Ducks are sneaky, I guess.
I guess that's
the whole point of the phrase.
That, and they could give two shits
about their best friend's pinky toe!
Get out of here.
You don't belong here!
Don't push me!
Batman has a coterie
of supervillains.
- Joker, Riddler, Mad Hatter...
- So what?
You said you were a superhero,
like Batman.
Do you have a coterie
of supervillains?
No, he doesn't.
So, maybe you're not a superhero after all.
You wanna know why I don't
have a coterie of supervillains?
Why?
My coterie of supervillains
is six-feet-fucking-under!
There, you see?
Batman doesn't kill people!
- Because he's a pussy!
- He's a dark creature of the night!
He's a jackass!
Who wrestles with murderers dressed like
clowns and throws them in prison!
So they can break out of prison
and then murder more people.
Riddle me this, how many people
you think Batman's indirectly murdered
by being too much of a candy-ass
not to kill these fools
who clearly need
to be smoked once and for all,
you wrinkly, Sharpei-looking,
dementia-infested fuck?
Jesus! I was just trying
to make conversation.
Fuck it.
With an attitude like that,
you're definitely a supervillain.
You're gonna end up in jail
with your father soon enough!
What are you talking about?
- Peacemaker.
- What the fuck, Murn?
The only way to get the cops off our
tail was to frame my dad for what I did?
It wasn't the plan.
It was an impulsive decision.
It's my dad, man!
Jesus! Did you ever have a fucking dad?
I did. I wasn't created
in a Petri dish.
If you want to come back, we can
talk about this like adults.
No! No! My dad's in jail,
I'm going to see him.
Smith, I don't think
that's wise.
Oh, yeah? Well, fuck you, man!
You people only fucking care
about yourselves anyway!
I don't know
where all this money is going.
- Holy shit.
- Yeah.
Me?
Yeah, it's probably because you're the
one who framed Peacemaker's father.
Fuck you.
Yeah.
What?
Just, I told you those people
weren't best friend material.
You were right.
Hey, I'm sorry, man,
I wasn't more compassionate
about you being tortured
and everything.
Aw, get out of here! Are you kidding
me? Come on, that's... that's stupid, dude.
- I... I was being stupid.
- No, I was.
Pinky toes
aren't that important.
Yeah, you were
being weird about that.
Yeah, I was. Sorry.
Hey, do you want me to take you
to the jail to see your dad?
Yeah, even though
I know he's a racist.
Shouldn't you kill him then?
No! I'm not gonna kill my dad.
- Why not?
- Because I love him.
Oh.
My dad and I both hate crime.
It's the only thing we agree on,
and he makes me stuff, okay?
Sure. Yeah, no, I mean,
my dad never made me anything.
He was too busy off pretending
to be gay just to get away from me.
- Me?
- He trusts you most.
I think he trusts
Harcourt the most.
No, he wants to have sex
with Harcourt.
He trusts you.
He said you were the only one
he was sure wasn't a butterfly.
I need you to talk him out
of seeing his father.
That could screw us
in a number of ways.
Your lack of a resume made me
hesitant to bring you onto this team.
But Amanda Waller
insisted you were ready.
Prove her right.
Well, go.
Hey, Peacemaker.
- Fuck off, Adebayo.
- We messed up, we know it.
But that doesn't mean you should
destroy what we're doing because of it!
- Was it Murn?
- No.
- Harcourt?
- No. Man, I... I shouldn't say.
Economos? Motherfucker!
How did he do it?
He changed your car registration
for your father's name,
and changed out
your fingerprints for his.
Why don't they just
re-fingerprint him?
Well, they're
a government bureaucracy.
They can, but double-checking
things isn't exactly protocol.
I can't just
abandon him in there.
I have to go talk to him.
Do you? Really? Look, we all
know what he's done to you.
You don't know shit!
We do.
It... it's in your files, Chris.
It's "Chris" now?
How he's treated you,
your whole life.
What's it say?
Nothing, just...
- Okay, he's got his issues, right?
- Issues?
He's a white supremacist
who used to dress up
as a supervillain called
the White Dragon.
He's not as bad as he seems!
He thinks people with my color
skin are second-class citizens.
That's fucked up, okay?
People change!
And he's actually
a good guy inside?
- Yeah.
- Well, we all want to believe that our parents are flawed
but innately good, and maybe,
usually, that's the case.
But not here.
Your dad is not a good man!
Not to the world,
and especially not to you.
He's still family.
Chris!
Well, he has to do
what he has to do, I guess.
I take it you're Vigilante.
- No.
- You sound like him.
- No, I don't.
- That's a fake voice.
Nope.
It changed from what it was
two seconds ago.
I was about to cough!
But yeah, this...
This is more my real voice.
- Why are you limping?
- Snowboarding accident!
Totally unrelated
in any way to Vigilante!
I don't even know
who Vigilante is!
Who is he?
Might even be a she,
I have no way of knowing.
Except that Vigilante's voice
sounds like mine, according to you.
Which makes me surmise,
yeah, maybe it's a he.
You ain't killing it right now.
That's right.
- No! You?
- Yeah, it don't matter!
- Oh, yeah!
- Get the fuck outta here!
- I ain't got no...
- Smith, you got a visitor.
Dad, listen...
I didn't know
anything about this, okay?
The people I'm working with,
they did their own thing.
They switched
your fingerprints for mine.
They did what?
I know, it's fucked up,
but I had nothing to do with it.
They think this is gonna stick?
No. I thi... I don't know.
All I got to do is go
to these assholes and say,
"Hey, check the fingerprints!
They don't match!"
I know.
I saw you come out
of your mother's cooch.
I shoulda slit
your throat then and there.
Come on, Dad!
I never had any feelings
for you, not like your brother.
Him, I fucking loved. But you?
You were just a blob of flesh
I felt nothing for.
Well, Dad, maybe I'm a grower...
not a shower.
- What?
- I don't mean like a dick!
I mean, like,
a... a person, like, a guy,
who you... like more
as time goes on.
An individual
you don't like and then...
you... you learn to like.
You're comparing
yourself to a choad!
Not in a bad way!
Deep State's got you
so twisted up in their agenda
that you're comparing
yourself to a little cock.
No, this is... this is
the opposite of the Deep State.
- Bullshit!
- No, Dad, if anything, we're working against the Deep State.
I'll make sure
I fill the detective in on that.
Listen, I can't say much, but...
you don't like illegal aliens?
These are real illegal aliens.
I'll turn myself in, I swear,
as soon as the operation's over.
This is bigger than me.
It's bigger than you.
And I'm just asking, for once,
just make the sacrifice.
You're a rube
like you've always been.
I'm not letting my own
damn son work for them.
I'm no rat,
but the first chance I get,
I'm spilling everything.
I don't mean to be a jerk here,
Dad, but technically, that...
exactly makes you a rat.
- Technically, just factually...
- Get the fuck out of my sight!
My use for you is over.
Guards! Open it up.
Get him out of here.
You think they'll
arrest Peacemaker in there?
I hope not.
He's bogged down by his old man.
Chris is.
He's a good man...
like you.
You think I'm a good man?
Yeah.
I can tell.
But his father?
I'd say he's one of the worst
people to ever set foot on this planet.
Now, Chris...
he has a big heart, so he wants
to find something to love there,
but there's... there is nothing
to love inside of that man.
And it... kills me...
'cause... I don't think Chris is ever gonna
be happy as long as his father's around.
And I just wish there was
some way he would just...
go away.
I gotta go do something.
Okay.
Fuck.
Where's Vigilante?
Vigilante? That was Vigilante?
Shut up.
He had something to do,
I don't know.
What'd your dad say?
Jesus Christ...
He said he's gonna rat us out.
Have you slept?
- No.
- Let me drop you off, then.
- Hey! What do we do about...
- Your dad?
- Yeah.
- Murn will work it out, it'll be fine.
I just didn't want you to get
arrested while you were in there.
Murn said I gotta
keep eyes on Vigilante.
Don't worry about it,
it'll be fine, too!
You're gonna be all right.
My dad hates my guts.
Everybody hates my guts.
I'm a choad,
and not the good kind.
I don't hate your guts.
And I think you're the...
the good kind of choad.
Hmm.
What's going on here?
God, what
the fuck did they put in this?
What the fuck are you doing?
I don't have to tell you that,
motherfucker!
Get face down
on the ground! Now!
Fine! I don't care, I'll get
on the ground all day long.
Just watch my pinky toe
on my right foot.
Uh, pinky toes aren't that important,
you don't need it to walk or anything,
but I've sustained an injury
and it hurts, so...
Oh, shit.
Yeah, tell him
to go fuck himself.
Hey, John.
Oh, my god!
We are so incredibly fucked!
Like, next level fucked, okay?
I checked the restraints,
they were tight.
I don't know
how the fuck he got loose.
Who?
Who the fuck do you think?
Judoma...
Fuck.
Fuck!
I think Cobra Kai just got out!
Hey, I want to see
that Detective Song,
I got some information
about the case.
All right.
Where'd he go?
Here, here, here.
The hallway window.
Rematch, motherfucker!
Okay.
Fuck you!
- Fuck you!
- Fucker.
You...
have a weird,
bubbly-shaped body!
Personal insults?
Real mature, shrimp!
You have no idea!
Butterflies... they're
not what you think!
They are...
I was gonna win that fight!
What?
This was a big rematch, and...
I was reclaiming
my honor, and...
...I was gonna
win that fight, you...
- fucked it all up!
- Oh jeez, you're welcome!
I'm not trying
to be ungrateful, it's just...
Fuck!
I've never killed a man before.
Oh, you still haven't.
These martial artists...
they are hardcore.
Their heart stops beating,
they just concentrate
and move a kidney
up into its place.
Then the kidney circulates
the blood through the system.
No, that's not
something that happens.
Only the greats,
just a few times.
No, that's never happened, ever.
Yeah, it has.
One or two times, it has.
No one has ever replaced
their own heart with a kidney!
We have to get him back inside!
Yeah, okay.
Hey, what do you think
he was about to say?
"The butterflies, they're not
what you think. They're..."
Chase... let's go.
What's your story, motherfucker?
Oh, shit!
Eagly, hey, hey, hey!
No. No! No! No!
And this time
you didn't balk, huh?
Do you think he's gonna die?
Hmm, probably.
I'm not cut out for this shit.
The first time I killed someone, I
didn't have my period for three months.
And then it gets easier?
No, not really.
But it's good it hurts.
Otherwise, you become
like Amanda Waller,
and you start treating
human life like it's nothing.
None of this sits right with me.
First, I manipulated
Vigilante into going into prison
and killing Peacemaker's father,
- and now this.
- Back up. What?
Every time I turn around, one of
you is doing something fucked up!
I thought Waller
gave me soldiers.
Instead, it's the fucking
Apple Dumpling Gang!
Classic pull!
And who are
the Apple Dumpling Gang?
Incompetent dinguses!
But they always
triumph in the end.
- Fuck you, John!
- Jesus.
You told Vigilante
to kill Peacemaker's father?
I didn't tell him to,
I just kind of put
the idea in his head.
That Peacemaker would be
better off without his father?
Well, his father is
gonna go to the authorities
and tell 'em how we
switched out the fingerprints.
I was just trying
to make the hard choice.
Seeing as we're already
losing Peacemaker's trust,
how's he gonna feel
when he finds out
we manipulated his best friend
into killing his father?
Actually, that'd be Eagly.
What?
Nothing, it's just he claims that
Eagly, that that's his best friend.
You said, "best friend," okay?
I'm just making sure
we're all on the same page,
in case someone here thinks that Adebayo
convinced Eagly to kill Peacemaker's father.
Who would think that?
- Maybe Harcourt?
- Fuck you!
Why is everybody
"fucking you" to me?
I'm gonna believe she mentally manipulated
the pet eagle into killing his father?
You're gullible! I call in sick
all the time, and I'm lying!
I know you're lying,
I just don't give a fuck!
I'm not stupid!
Neither is Peacemaker!
But you seem to think he is.
I don't think he's stupid.
He'll know exactly
what you tried to do.
Not only that, his father,
the goddamn White Dragon,
is a trained killer!
He could kill Vigilante,
and without Vigilante,
we're taking on the butterflies
one man down!
Half a man down.
The guy's a psychopath.
It's the four of us
against a damn alien invasion.
We need a psychopath.
I'm sorry, Mr. Murn.
Can you get Vigilante
out of the system
before he screws us worse
than we're already screwed?
I don't even know
this guy's name.
White male, 5'11",
thirties, green eyes.
Hmm, think I got something.
Found him!
- Adrian Chase, the Vigilante.
- That's him.
Wasn't he our busboy
at Fennel Fields?
And G says, "Yeah, sure,
I'll teach him how to fight."
"Hey, kid, look over here."
Kid looks over, he whacks him
on the back of the head
and says,
"That's the first fucking rule!"
"Keep your eye
on your goddamn opponent."
Hey... what's up, fellas?
Look, you totes seem like
the coolest guys in this place.
So, I was thinking, you know, like,
we should get to know each other.
- What?
- Let's pick a topic,
and then everyone goes
around in a circle
and says their feelings
on that topic.
Let's start with,
uh... I don't know.
Let's each say something
that we're grateful for
that Black people have
contributed to American culture.
Is this dude joking right now?
No! Hey, look, I'll go first.
I'm grateful that Black people
gave us rock and roll music.
Lynyrd Skynyrd,
ZZ Top, 38 Special...
All those guys owe everything
to Black American
folk and blues musicians.
I mean, they wouldn't
exist without 'em,
and then white redneck music
would just sound like...
well, what it sounded like
before Black people,
which was the wet, sloppy sounds
of fucking your sister.
Okay, so that's my turn.
Which one of you dumb,
sister-fucking, tiki-torch-carrying,
Sloth-from-the-Goonies-looking
pieces of shit wants to go next?
Who the fuck are you?
You're first? Cool!
Okay, wait. No, let me guess.
Your favorite contribution
to Black American culture
was all the Black guys
who fucked your mom in the ass
while you watched
from the closet, jerking off?
- Fuck!
- Fuck.
Get up! Come on!
You never answered.
Who are you?
I'm just the guy who's
gonna fuck you so hard,
your asshole's gonna be
dragging behind you like a tail.
Oh no, you're not gonna
goad me into attacking you.
We both know there's
cameras all over this place.
And now, these morons
look like the aggressors.
On the ground!
Now! Both of you!
Yo, the Aryans started it!
This dude did nothin'!
You're a bad dad.
I need to talk
to Detective Song! Now!
- Fuck.
- I need to talk to Detective Song!
I got information
important to this case.
My son's trying to kill me.
- Get me Detective Song!
- Come on.
Hey.
Oh, Jesus.
Yeah, I figured you'd be here.
Smith, you really have
to leave me alone
in my off-hours,
unless it's work-related.
Well, this is
kind of work-related.
What?
What's it say in my file about
what my dad did when I was a kid?
What?
Adebayo just said there was
some stuff in there,
about me and my dad
when I was a kid.
- I never studied your fucking file.
- Yeah...
but still.
Fine, it says that he trained you to
kill from when you were very young.
And it says
that your brother died
under mysterious circumstances,
and that you
were involved in that.
Thanks.
That's it?
No, your tits look
stellar in that shirt.
And I'm saying that as a
compliment, that's not in a sexist way.
Free to go.
Me?
Yeah.
I guess you got
friends in high places.
I'm here to take you home.
Get in.
He's still alive.
I'm Adrian.
Okay.
I think I might have
made things worse.
Peacemaker.
What a joke.
- Leota.
- I think I found something.
Great. I'll be right over.
If it walks like a duck,
it's either a duck,
or a duck wearing
some type of human... costume,
I don't know! He's... he's unable
to hide his distinctive walk!
How the fuck
could that even happen?
How would what happen?
A duck in a human costume!
The sizes are
completely incompatible!
I mean, my pants would be
caught up in my tiny, webbed feet.
They'd be sagging
all over the place.
It wouldn't fucking work!
How would they do
the mask with the beak?
And how would he even talk?
How would the mouth work?
I don't even know any of this!
Vigilante, you've had a lot
of fucking stupid ideas,
but a duck in a human costume?
That's the stupidest idea
you've ever fucking had!
And it's offensive to me,
'cause I have a soul.
Not a duck.
flew out of Goff's head,
what happened to it?
I shot it.
It just... blew apart.
It would've been nice to have captured it,
but I guess it's good it didn't get away.
I'm not sure
I'm ever gonna walk again.
Why?
Motherfucker cut
half my pinky toe off.
It's the most important
toe there is.
- I don't think so.
- Okay, that's not true.
Yeah, it is!
You can't walk without it!
You can walk just fine
without a pinky toe.
You'll fall over all the time,
look stupid, and everyone will laugh at you.
Who's gonna laugh at you for falling
over because you don't have a toe?
I was just imagining it.
I'm s... I'm sorry.
You can't walk if you lose
your metatarsal.
That's like the knuckle
of the pinky toe.
But if you just lose your pinky, it's fine.
What are we gonna do about him?
- Hey, no!
- No!
- You okay to drive now?
- Yeah.
Harcourt and Adebayo, go through
those boxes from the Goff residence.
See if there's anything
to lead us to other butterflies.
Me? Why not John?
He's got to keep
Judomaster alive!
Peacemaker, in my office.
You sure your head is in this?
- What?
- You choked last night.
Are you kidding me? Maybe that
wouldn't have happened
if you put a goddamn dove
of peace on the sniper rifle!
One of the most important things
about killing someone, to me,
is a fucking dove of peace
on the weapon.
That's bullshit,
and you know it!
You also told me to kill kids.
You didn't say why!
Yeah, okay, one was homely.
That didn't make it better,
it made it worse!
I started to feel sorry for it.
Yeah, I may have pushed you
too hard on that one.
I made a vow
to have peace at any cost,
no matter how many men, women,
and children I need to kill to get it.
But I'm not fucking killing kids
just because you say so!
You're sure that's all it is?
- Yeah.
- Good...
'cause right now the world needs a son
of a bitch, and you're the only one I got.
- Fuck it! Fuck! Fuck!
- Well, I guess him now, too.
Fuck, it hurts to walk on!
- You sure about that?
- Yes.
Why?
Vigilante's a bit, uh...
You think that's something
I wouldn't have noticed?
Yeah. Yeah, right.
Ever since I had to team up
with Matter-Eater Lad,
my sense of what's normal
is a little fucked up.
You have to keep
Vigilante close.
If he talks,
he could ruin everything.
I once saw him eat
an entire Wendy's Restaurant.
Vigilante ate a restaurant?
No, Matter-Eater Lad. That's
his power, he can eat anything.
They took too long with his fries or
something. The guy's a fucking lunatic.
His name is Matter-Eater Lad?
Yeah, but with all that's going on,
why are you so interested in him?
Not the time
to be getting distracted, Murn.
Okay.
Hey, these butterflies...
they're like alien bugs that crawl up
into human brains and control people?
Get some rest,
come back tonight.
We'll explain the whole thing.
Okay.
Listen, again,
I'm sorry about last night.
I've never killed anyone before.
You said.
I've never shot anyone.
I've never shot at anyone.
Hell, I'm a pescatarian.
So, you're okay with making that
poor bastard's last minute of life
the worst suffering imaginable
because you're too much of a coward
to put him out of his misery,
but you won't
eat a fucking fish?
Got it.
I do eat fish.
Pescatarians, we don't eat pork,
- or beef or...
- I don't give a shit, Adebayo.
The truth is, you want to do
this job, you can't balk. Ever.
You have to make
the hard choice when necessary.
I gotta go to the bathroom.
Hey! You're just
gonna keep him here?
What else
are we supposed to do with him?
I don't know, a hospital?
What, so he can narc?
God, there's so many secrets.
Yeah, that's what
black ops is, dude.
And, um, don't worry
about Harcourt.
She doesn't really like anybody.
Yeah, I just gotta show her and
Murn that I got what it takes, I guess.
Well, I got what it takes.
Stomped his ass!
Uh-huh.
Don't fuck with
John Economos, motherfucker!
Hey, swing by my dad's
on the way home.
He's got a helmet
I think I can use in all this.
Listen, uh, I've been meaning to thank you
for allowing me to be tortured last night.
You're welcome?
You know, I would... For a
minute, I was... I was kinda PO'd.
Like, you didn't care
about the fact that I was in...
you know, agonizing pain!
Okay.
Yeah, but then I realized you
were... you were just supporting me
and helping me to become
the best me that I could be.
Someone who doesn't spill the
beans while being electrocuted
and having half his toe cut off.
- You seem to be walking okay.
- Well, I'll probably never walk as good again.
But it's worth it, you know, for being
a more evolved human being, so...
thank you!
I've never had
a friend quite like you.
- What?
- It just seems like, under the surface,
- you're kinda angry about it.
- I'm not.
- Seems like you are.
- Well, I'm not at all, dude.
Okay, the way
you said "dude" right there.
- What?
- Seems miffed.
Nah, I said it
like I always say it.
You know what? If anything,
you should be grateful,
because you would feel really
guilty if I gave that guy information
'cause you were too much of a
candy-ass to take a little torture.
Oh, yeah, I would
have been real guilty!
You see, that.
That, right there, was angry.
No, it wasn't! It was normal.
I was... I was agreeing with you.
Why does your father have
an upside-down American flag on his lawn?
I don't know, dude.
It's a Deep State thing.
Or your dad
is a racist wack job.
Oh, yeah? Your dad
left your mom for another dude.
- Hey!
- He did.
Yeah, and they're
deeply in love.
I doubt it. You know, I think he's just
pretending to be gay to get away from you.
Okay, maybe! But what does
that have to do with anything?
I don't know. I thought
we were talking about dads.
Stay here, I'll be back.
Fuck it.
Oh, hey, it's you!
This is KWUE, your news at noon.
Chaos at the Evergreen
Zoo this morning, as zookeepers report
Charlie, the silverback
gorilla, is missing.
The facility has been closed, and forensics
teams have been sweeping the area.
Zoo officials say they have no
idea how the gorilla was stolen...
And I hope Charlie
comes back, too. I love that gorilla!
There are gaps in the armor.
- What?
- Your dad's White Dragon costume, right?
There are weak points
where the cloth is.
I thought I told you
to wait in the car!
All the radio stations
are playing commercials...
How is it so big in this place?
It's a quantum
unfolding storage area.
It leads to a dimensional
nodule outside normal space.
Well, I guess your dad's pretty brainy
for a racist, to make a place like this.
And if your dad's a racist,
and you work with him...
I don't work with him!
He makes me stuff.
If it walks like a duck,
that's all I'm saying.
What the fuck's
that supposed to mean?
If it walks like a duck,
it's either a duck,
or a duck wearing...
some type of human... costume...
I don't know! He's... he's
unable to hide his distinctive walk!
How the fuck
could that even happen?
How would what happen?
A duck in a human costume?
The sizes are
completely incompatible!
I don't know.
Ducks are sneaky, I guess.
I guess that's
the whole point of the phrase.
That, and they could give two shits
about their best friend's pinky toe!
Get out of here.
You don't belong here!
Don't push me!
Batman has a coterie
of supervillains.
- Joker, Riddler, Mad Hatter...
- So what?
You said you were a superhero,
like Batman.
Do you have a coterie
of supervillains?
No, he doesn't.
So, maybe you're not a superhero after all.
You wanna know why I don't
have a coterie of supervillains?
Why?
My coterie of supervillains
is six-feet-fucking-under!
There, you see?
Batman doesn't kill people!
- Because he's a pussy!
- He's a dark creature of the night!
He's a jackass!
Who wrestles with murderers dressed like
clowns and throws them in prison!
So they can break out of prison
and then murder more people.
Riddle me this, how many people
you think Batman's indirectly murdered
by being too much of a candy-ass
not to kill these fools
who clearly need
to be smoked once and for all,
you wrinkly, Sharpei-looking,
dementia-infested fuck?
Jesus! I was just trying
to make conversation.
Fuck it.
With an attitude like that,
you're definitely a supervillain.
You're gonna end up in jail
with your father soon enough!
What are you talking about?
- Peacemaker.
- What the fuck, Murn?
The only way to get the cops off our
tail was to frame my dad for what I did?
It wasn't the plan.
It was an impulsive decision.
It's my dad, man!
Jesus! Did you ever have a fucking dad?
I did. I wasn't created
in a Petri dish.
If you want to come back, we can
talk about this like adults.
No! No! My dad's in jail,
I'm going to see him.
Smith, I don't think
that's wise.
Oh, yeah? Well, fuck you, man!
You people only fucking care
about yourselves anyway!
I don't know
where all this money is going.
- Holy shit.
- Yeah.
Me?
Yeah, it's probably because you're the
one who framed Peacemaker's father.
Fuck you.
Yeah.
What?
Just, I told you those people
weren't best friend material.
You were right.
Hey, I'm sorry, man,
I wasn't more compassionate
about you being tortured
and everything.
Aw, get out of here! Are you kidding
me? Come on, that's... that's stupid, dude.
- I... I was being stupid.
- No, I was.
Pinky toes
aren't that important.
Yeah, you were
being weird about that.
Yeah, I was. Sorry.
Hey, do you want me to take you
to the jail to see your dad?
Yeah, even though
I know he's a racist.
Shouldn't you kill him then?
No! I'm not gonna kill my dad.
- Why not?
- Because I love him.
Oh.
My dad and I both hate crime.
It's the only thing we agree on,
and he makes me stuff, okay?
Sure. Yeah, no, I mean,
my dad never made me anything.
He was too busy off pretending
to be gay just to get away from me.
- Me?
- He trusts you most.
I think he trusts
Harcourt the most.
No, he wants to have sex
with Harcourt.
He trusts you.
He said you were the only one
he was sure wasn't a butterfly.
I need you to talk him out
of seeing his father.
That could screw us
in a number of ways.
Your lack of a resume made me
hesitant to bring you onto this team.
But Amanda Waller
insisted you were ready.
Prove her right.
Well, go.
Hey, Peacemaker.
- Fuck off, Adebayo.
- We messed up, we know it.
But that doesn't mean you should
destroy what we're doing because of it!
- Was it Murn?
- No.
- Harcourt?
- No. Man, I... I shouldn't say.
Economos? Motherfucker!
How did he do it?
He changed your car registration
for your father's name,
and changed out
your fingerprints for his.
Why don't they just
re-fingerprint him?
Well, they're
a government bureaucracy.
They can, but double-checking
things isn't exactly protocol.
I can't just
abandon him in there.
I have to go talk to him.
Do you? Really? Look, we all
know what he's done to you.
You don't know shit!
We do.
It... it's in your files, Chris.
It's "Chris" now?
How he's treated you,
your whole life.
What's it say?
Nothing, just...
- Okay, he's got his issues, right?
- Issues?
He's a white supremacist
who used to dress up
as a supervillain called
the White Dragon.
He's not as bad as he seems!
He thinks people with my color
skin are second-class citizens.
That's fucked up, okay?
People change!
And he's actually
a good guy inside?
- Yeah.
- Well, we all want to believe that our parents are flawed
but innately good, and maybe,
usually, that's the case.
But not here.
Your dad is not a good man!
Not to the world,
and especially not to you.
He's still family.
Chris!
Well, he has to do
what he has to do, I guess.
I take it you're Vigilante.
- No.
- You sound like him.
- No, I don't.
- That's a fake voice.
Nope.
It changed from what it was
two seconds ago.
I was about to cough!
But yeah, this...
This is more my real voice.
- Why are you limping?
- Snowboarding accident!
Totally unrelated
in any way to Vigilante!
I don't even know
who Vigilante is!
Who is he?
Might even be a she,
I have no way of knowing.
Except that Vigilante's voice
sounds like mine, according to you.
Which makes me surmise,
yeah, maybe it's a he.
You ain't killing it right now.
That's right.
- No! You?
- Yeah, it don't matter!
- Oh, yeah!
- Get the fuck outta here!
- I ain't got no...
- Smith, you got a visitor.
Dad, listen...
I didn't know
anything about this, okay?
The people I'm working with,
they did their own thing.
They switched
your fingerprints for mine.
They did what?
I know, it's fucked up,
but I had nothing to do with it.
They think this is gonna stick?
No. I thi... I don't know.
All I got to do is go
to these assholes and say,
"Hey, check the fingerprints!
They don't match!"
I know.
I saw you come out
of your mother's cooch.
I shoulda slit
your throat then and there.
Come on, Dad!
I never had any feelings
for you, not like your brother.
Him, I fucking loved. But you?
You were just a blob of flesh
I felt nothing for.
Well, Dad, maybe I'm a grower...
not a shower.
- What?
- I don't mean like a dick!
I mean, like,
a... a person, like, a guy,
who you... like more
as time goes on.
An individual
you don't like and then...
you... you learn to like.
You're comparing
yourself to a choad!
Not in a bad way!
Deep State's got you
so twisted up in their agenda
that you're comparing
yourself to a little cock.
No, this is... this is
the opposite of the Deep State.
- Bullshit!
- No, Dad, if anything, we're working against the Deep State.
I'll make sure
I fill the detective in on that.
Listen, I can't say much, but...
you don't like illegal aliens?
These are real illegal aliens.
I'll turn myself in, I swear,
as soon as the operation's over.
This is bigger than me.
It's bigger than you.
And I'm just asking, for once,
just make the sacrifice.
You're a rube
like you've always been.
I'm not letting my own
damn son work for them.
I'm no rat,
but the first chance I get,
I'm spilling everything.
I don't mean to be a jerk here,
Dad, but technically, that...
exactly makes you a rat.
- Technically, just factually...
- Get the fuck out of my sight!
My use for you is over.
Guards! Open it up.
Get him out of here.
You think they'll
arrest Peacemaker in there?
I hope not.
He's bogged down by his old man.
Chris is.
He's a good man...
like you.
You think I'm a good man?
Yeah.
I can tell.
But his father?
I'd say he's one of the worst
people to ever set foot on this planet.
Now, Chris...
he has a big heart, so he wants
to find something to love there,
but there's... there is nothing
to love inside of that man.
And it... kills me...
'cause... I don't think Chris is ever gonna
be happy as long as his father's around.
And I just wish there was
some way he would just...
go away.
I gotta go do something.
Okay.
Fuck.
Where's Vigilante?
Vigilante? That was Vigilante?
Shut up.
He had something to do,
I don't know.
What'd your dad say?
Jesus Christ...
He said he's gonna rat us out.
Have you slept?
- No.
- Let me drop you off, then.
- Hey! What do we do about...
- Your dad?
- Yeah.
- Murn will work it out, it'll be fine.
I just didn't want you to get
arrested while you were in there.
Murn said I gotta
keep eyes on Vigilante.
Don't worry about it,
it'll be fine, too!
You're gonna be all right.
My dad hates my guts.
Everybody hates my guts.
I'm a choad,
and not the good kind.
I don't hate your guts.
And I think you're the...
the good kind of choad.
Hmm.
What's going on here?
God, what
the fuck did they put in this?
What the fuck are you doing?
I don't have to tell you that,
motherfucker!
Get face down
on the ground! Now!
Fine! I don't care, I'll get
on the ground all day long.
Just watch my pinky toe
on my right foot.
Uh, pinky toes aren't that important,
you don't need it to walk or anything,
but I've sustained an injury
and it hurts, so...
Oh, shit.
Yeah, tell him
to go fuck himself.
Hey, John.
Oh, my god!
We are so incredibly fucked!
Like, next level fucked, okay?
I checked the restraints,
they were tight.
I don't know
how the fuck he got loose.
Who?
Who the fuck do you think?
Judoma...
Fuck.
Fuck!
I think Cobra Kai just got out!
Hey, I want to see
that Detective Song,
I got some information
about the case.
All right.
Where'd he go?
Here, here, here.
The hallway window.
Rematch, motherfucker!
Okay.
Fuck you!
- Fuck you!
- Fucker.
You...
have a weird,
bubbly-shaped body!
Personal insults?
Real mature, shrimp!
You have no idea!
Butterflies... they're
not what you think!
They are...
I was gonna win that fight!
What?
This was a big rematch, and...
I was reclaiming
my honor, and...
...I was gonna
win that fight, you...
- fucked it all up!
- Oh jeez, you're welcome!
I'm not trying
to be ungrateful, it's just...
Fuck!
I've never killed a man before.
Oh, you still haven't.
These martial artists...
they are hardcore.
Their heart stops beating,
they just concentrate
and move a kidney
up into its place.
Then the kidney circulates
the blood through the system.
No, that's not
something that happens.
Only the greats,
just a few times.
No, that's never happened, ever.
Yeah, it has.
One or two times, it has.
No one has ever replaced
their own heart with a kidney!
We have to get him back inside!
Yeah, okay.
Hey, what do you think
he was about to say?
"The butterflies, they're not
what you think. They're..."
Chase... let's go.
What's your story, motherfucker?
Oh, shit!
Eagly, hey, hey, hey!
No. No! No! No!
And this time
you didn't balk, huh?
Do you think he's gonna die?
Hmm, probably.
I'm not cut out for this shit.
The first time I killed someone, I
didn't have my period for three months.
And then it gets easier?
No, not really.
But it's good it hurts.
Otherwise, you become
like Amanda Waller,
and you start treating
human life like it's nothing.
None of this sits right with me.
First, I manipulated
Vigilante into going into prison
and killing Peacemaker's father,
- and now this.
- Back up. What?
Every time I turn around, one of
you is doing something fucked up!
I thought Waller
gave me soldiers.
Instead, it's the fucking
Apple Dumpling Gang!
Classic pull!
And who are
the Apple Dumpling Gang?
Incompetent dinguses!
But they always
triumph in the end.
- Fuck you, John!
- Jesus.
You told Vigilante
to kill Peacemaker's father?
I didn't tell him to,
I just kind of put
the idea in his head.
That Peacemaker would be
better off without his father?
Well, his father is
gonna go to the authorities
and tell 'em how we
switched out the fingerprints.
I was just trying
to make the hard choice.
Seeing as we're already
losing Peacemaker's trust,
how's he gonna feel
when he finds out
we manipulated his best friend
into killing his father?
Actually, that'd be Eagly.
What?
Nothing, it's just he claims that
Eagly, that that's his best friend.
You said, "best friend," okay?
I'm just making sure
we're all on the same page,
in case someone here thinks that Adebayo
convinced Eagly to kill Peacemaker's father.
Who would think that?
- Maybe Harcourt?
- Fuck you!
Why is everybody
"fucking you" to me?
I'm gonna believe she mentally manipulated
the pet eagle into killing his father?
You're gullible! I call in sick
all the time, and I'm lying!
I know you're lying,
I just don't give a fuck!
I'm not stupid!
Neither is Peacemaker!
But you seem to think he is.
I don't think he's stupid.
He'll know exactly
what you tried to do.
Not only that, his father,
the goddamn White Dragon,
is a trained killer!
He could kill Vigilante,
and without Vigilante,
we're taking on the butterflies
one man down!
Half a man down.
The guy's a psychopath.
It's the four of us
against a damn alien invasion.
We need a psychopath.
I'm sorry, Mr. Murn.
Can you get Vigilante
out of the system
before he screws us worse
than we're already screwed?
I don't even know
this guy's name.
White male, 5'11",
thirties, green eyes.
Hmm, think I got something.
Found him!
- Adrian Chase, the Vigilante.
- That's him.
Wasn't he our busboy
at Fennel Fields?
And G says, "Yeah, sure,
I'll teach him how to fight."
"Hey, kid, look over here."
Kid looks over, he whacks him
on the back of the head
and says,
"That's the first fucking rule!"
"Keep your eye
on your goddamn opponent."
Hey... what's up, fellas?
Look, you totes seem like
the coolest guys in this place.
So, I was thinking, you know, like,
we should get to know each other.
- What?
- Let's pick a topic,
and then everyone goes
around in a circle
and says their feelings
on that topic.
Let's start with,
uh... I don't know.
Let's each say something
that we're grateful for
that Black people have
contributed to American culture.
Is this dude joking right now?
No! Hey, look, I'll go first.
I'm grateful that Black people
gave us rock and roll music.
Lynyrd Skynyrd,
ZZ Top, 38 Special...
All those guys owe everything
to Black American
folk and blues musicians.
I mean, they wouldn't
exist without 'em,
and then white redneck music
would just sound like...
well, what it sounded like
before Black people,
which was the wet, sloppy sounds
of fucking your sister.
Okay, so that's my turn.
Which one of you dumb,
sister-fucking, tiki-torch-carrying,
Sloth-from-the-Goonies-looking
pieces of shit wants to go next?
Who the fuck are you?
You're first? Cool!
Okay, wait. No, let me guess.
Your favorite contribution
to Black American culture
was all the Black guys
who fucked your mom in the ass
while you watched
from the closet, jerking off?
- Fuck!
- Fuck.
Get up! Come on!
You never answered.
Who are you?
I'm just the guy who's
gonna fuck you so hard,
your asshole's gonna be
dragging behind you like a tail.
Oh no, you're not gonna
goad me into attacking you.
We both know there's
cameras all over this place.
And now, these morons
look like the aggressors.
On the ground!
Now! Both of you!
Yo, the Aryans started it!
This dude did nothin'!
You're a bad dad.
I need to talk
to Detective Song! Now!
- Fuck.
- I need to talk to Detective Song!
I got information
important to this case.
My son's trying to kill me.
- Get me Detective Song!
- Come on.
Hey.
Oh, Jesus.
Yeah, I figured you'd be here.
Smith, you really have
to leave me alone
in my off-hours,
unless it's work-related.
Well, this is
kind of work-related.
What?
What's it say in my file about
what my dad did when I was a kid?
What?
Adebayo just said there was
some stuff in there,
about me and my dad
when I was a kid.
- I never studied your fucking file.
- Yeah...
but still.
Fine, it says that he trained you to
kill from when you were very young.
And it says
that your brother died
under mysterious circumstances,
and that you
were involved in that.
Thanks.
That's it?
No, your tits look
stellar in that shirt.
And I'm saying that as a
compliment, that's not in a sexist way.
Free to go.
Me?
Yeah.
I guess you got
friends in high places.
I'm here to take you home.
Get in.
He's still alive.
I'm Adrian.
Okay.
I think I might have
made things worse.
Peacemaker.
What a joke.
- Leota.
- I think I found something.
Great. I'll be right over.
If it walks like a duck,
it's either a duck,
or a duck wearing
some type of human... costume,
I don't know! He's... he's unable
to hide his distinctive walk!
How the fuck
could that even happen?
How would what happen?
A duck in a human costume!
The sizes are
completely incompatible!
I mean, my pants would be
caught up in my tiny, webbed feet.
They'd be sagging
all over the place.
It wouldn't fucking work!
How would they do
the mask with the beak?
And how would he even talk?
How would the mouth work?
I don't even know any of this!
Vigilante, you've had a lot
of fucking stupid ideas,
but a duck in a human costume?
That's the stupidest idea
you've ever fucking had!
And it's offensive to me,
'cause I have a soul.
Not a duck.