Patriot (2015–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Un Monsieur Triste En Costume - full transcript

Fuck.

This one's called
"A Good Night's Sleep."

Now, my songs are a little, I guess,

a little brighter.

Not to say that they're more intelligent,

but they... they let a
little light get in there.

Cool.

Yours don't really.

Well...

Let me ask you a question.

Straight up.



Cool.

- Are you ready?
- Yeah.

Straight up.

Cool.

Do you like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups?

Yeah. I do.

Me, too.

I had one today.

Me, too, see?

- See what?
- They're a real treat

because they combine two
things that are different,

but together they're beautiful.

So I'm saying...

Yeah.



So I'm saying do you want to jam?

That verse isn't about being in love.

It's about being so in it

that you... you don't even
care that it's raining.

You just want to feel good in the rain.

Like singing in the rain?

Shit.

Yeah.

Well, that's okay. I mean...

You think that's a problem?

I mean, is it a chorus,
singing in the rain?

Because I would probably...

No, no. This song has an original,

it's...

It gives a name to
pleasant mid-day wetness.

What are you talking about?

Morning dew, evening mist.

What about 3 p.m.? 3:30?

Wetness then.

"Afternoon Spray."

That's what I came up with.

Want to try it again?

What, did I get the chord wrong?

No. Perfect on the chords. Perfect.

Um, the... there's joy in this song. Joy.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

I'm... I'm not really feeling your joy.

I'm not really feeling joy.

Well, what's getting you down?

Like, I mean, let's tackle that.

Just, you know, the stuff that...

the normal stuff

that gets to everybody.

No special lady?

Like, no one to share the special stuff?

Because I don't... I
don't have that, either.

I... I mean, I used to. I...

I lost it. I... I want it back,

but I can't.

You know, but every morning I wake up.

I have the same thought.

It's been a long time

since something special happened to me,

and I'm so alone, but I'm blessed, really,

because...

if something nice
actually did happen to me,

I wouldn't have anyone
nice to share it with, so...

maybe, when something good happens,

it'll be when I have someone nice.

And then it'll be double great.

I mean, I don't say that every morning.

It... It's just too long,

so I just say...

double great.

You want to say it with me?

Double great?

Yeah.

No.

That's cool.

But why?

Because I have somebody.

- That's not the...
- Good.

What, then?

This is a general feeling,

just a general thing.

When I feel bad generally,

I just do something
specifically that's fun.

So we could do a thing.

Let's do something,

do a thing specifically that's fun.

Like what?

Like go get drunk,

talk about music all night.

He changed lines, man.
That's all I'm saying.

- Who?
- Willie changed lines

in "Pancho and Lefty."

- All right.
- Greg12 thinks

he made it better. I say leave it, man.

It's all good. It's just...

- It's just music.
- Hey!

It's like mu...

All right. It's okay.

- It's okay.
- Don't worry about him, man.

He's... He's a dick. What were we saying?

Whoa. Now the vibe's gone.

- Why?
- Because of this dick.

No, don't say it out loud like that.

- I don't like to fight.
- All right.

- No need.
- All right.

Hey, man.

Do it again.

1, 2, 3.

"Seinfeld."

Favorite character on "Seinfeld."

1, 2, 3.

Elaine.

My God. My God.

Rob.

You still here?

Yep.

Right here, John.

That was fun.

Yeah.

How many songs

did we end up recording last night?

Five.

Well...

I have to get up.

I got a job as a night watchman.

It's daytime.

Yeah.

Shit.

I should get going.

Double great.

I think we should look wistfully

back at the camera.

Want to practice?

You think we need to practice that?

Yeah, I think we need to practice

'cause it's our album cover.
We need to do it right.

Okay.

Okay, 1, 2, 3.

Are you okay?

Do you need help of some kind?

I'm okay. Thank you.

You should stay here for a while.

No, I'm fine.

Just long day.

Reception.

Housekeeping.

Is this housekeeping?

Yes. How may I help you?

I'm in the Electress of Saxony Room.

Let's not leave the room fridge open

in the future here.

I... I am sorry?

My fridge.

Let's get shipshape.

Let's close the things that close, okay?

Your fridge was left open?

Yes.

I'll make a note of it.

I'd appreciate it.

I look forward to better service.

Have a good night.

Good night, monsieur.

Hey, John.

Hey.

John, why did you ask

if my last name Icabod was a nickname?

- I didn't.
- Yes, you did, John.

You mentioned that. You said... I quote...

"Hey, what's your last
name, Peter, anyway?"

I said, "Icabod."

You said, "I thought that was a nickname."

Why did you think that?

Just...

no reason.

Is it because I look

like I live in an enchanted forest

in a Grimm fairy tale

wearing a cloak or some such?

No.

Or yeah, I guess, honestly, Peter,

but not in a bad way.

Nice work on the plate presentation.

You locked that down. Didn't he, Leslie?

- Didn't he what?
- Didn't Lakeman lock it down?

Yeah.

Lakeman locks it down.

So, Icabod, I can work tonight, turns out.

Thought you were otherwise engaged.

Wanted to be. Last time, yeah,

they sent these Japanese sisters,

but they could only send one,

which, yeah, for me

doesn't get the job done.

Leslie, hey, let's throw

the euro conversion charting to John.

Let's let John lead that tomorrow,

I was thinking.

But that's why we brought Stephen.

That's his area of concentration.

Yeah. Let's throw that to John.

Lacking a little sex appeal here.

Excuse me.

Archduke Sebastian Room.

Five minutes.

Sorry.

John.

John.

Ooh, I just want to hug you.

But there's too many
big guys in here. Fuck.

So what are you doing?

Just...

I mean in the suit and with these guys.

Hi, guys. I'm... I'm Rob.

Hey. Lawrence.

Good. Rob.

Rob.

Leslie.

Cool.

- Eugene.
- Cool.

Rob.

You are?

Abel.

Hey. Cool. Rob.

Montrose.

Hey. Cool. Rob.

Rob. Cool.

Harrigen.

Cool. Rob.

Yeah. You?

Plio.

Plio. All right.

All right. Cool. Rob.

John, it's happening.

What is?

My life.

Starting now.

Let's catch up later.

We'll catch up. Yeah, man.

I got something I got to do now.

W...

Yeah. We got you, scumbag.

You don't fucking take shit

that doesn't fucking belong to you, bitch!

Dennis, stop, man.

Sorry.

What are you going to do with him?

Give them the money we brought over

and give him back. Tell them to get lost.

You got money over?

We did.

I barnstormed it through in my neck pillow.

Yeah. It's not in there.

I just wanted you to faint or something

at TSA to cause a distraction
so I could get it across.

Fuck.

What?

Really?

Did you faint at TSA?

Yeah, I did.

Good job.

Thanks.

Hi, Stephen.

Hi, John.

My name's Ted.

Sorry.

You keep getting that wrong.

Okay.

- Hey.
- Yes?

I heard you bragging to everyone

how you can comb your own hair.

I can.

Really? Never seen it.

I just heard you bragging to everyone.

Well, I can.

I don't believe you.

I'd show you,

but it's too early to remove my helmet.

That's cool.

I'll just tell everyone

that you're a liar, then.

How did you get in here, Ted?

Don't worry about it.

Why did you come in?

Because everyone thinks you're a liar,

and I wanted to tell you
that because I like you.

I didn't believe them, but now I do

because you won't comb your own hair.

You smell familiar.

You're probably lying about that.

Watch this.

You see, Ted?

You enjoying Luxembourg?

Yeah.

For the most part, yeah. Thanks.

It's good food.

How am I going to talk to these guys?

I speak Portuguese. I could translate.

Brazil has the fourth largest
transport field in the world.

It's my primary field. I could do it.

I don't want them to see you.

Either of you.

We can do it from my room.

Charles Ambrose. It's adjoining with yours.

It is?

Yeah. I requested it.

The reason you're all still living...

And the reason we're offering
any sum of money at all...

We're sympathetic concerning your brother,

but you stole from us,

and this is all we'll do to conciliate.

The bag you're looking for...

I don't have it.

I'm looking for it too.

Take this money.

Take your brother.

Leave. Say nothing.

Or I'll take you one by one,

just like I took him.

It's a good deal of money.

Are you adding stuff?

No.

It sounds like you're adding stuff.

Nope.

John Tavner.

Shit.

What?

This guy's coming,

this guy named Leslie.

I'm a known figure a little bit.

We shouldn't be seen together.

Yeah. We're pretty together here, too.

Just you got to keep embracing me.

I'm just gonna sort of...

But then we're gonna be embracing

for, like, three minutes.

He already thinks I'm weird.

What's the alternative?

Yeah. Fuck.

Alice was worried that
you weren't all right.

She told me that.

I'm all right.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

You came all the way to Luxembourg

to see if I'm all right?

Yes.

Okay, here's what we're going to do.

First thing, you're gonna get some sleep.

Then you're gonna eat.

And then we're gonna have some fun.

You pick the fun.

Can I come?

Well, it wouldn't be much
fun without you, Eddie.

Can I come?

To my left you will
see King Gerald's Tower,

all that is left of
Luxembourg's first Castle Mount.

It was the site of King Gerald's Fall.

In 1563, King Gerald was
facing down a rebellion.

His people were starving due
to a blighted apple harvest.

They blamed the aging Gerald

and believed their king had gone soft

in his advanced years.

I want to know what you're facing,

all of it.

I need to know you're okay.

So don't hold back.

Spill it, kid.

The detective asked to interview me

about the thing.

The killing?

The killing.

Of a man who was trying
to choke you to death.

Of a man who was trying to kill you.

Yeah. The thing.

She asked to interview me

and a number of my colleagues.

I can't account for my whereabouts

at the time of the killing.

In fact, I missed a meeting I had planned.

She's interviewing him, this guy.

If she covers that with him...

What did you tell him?

Your excuse for missing the meeting.

They sent my bag to the wrong hotel.

Got your little suit, guy?

She'll blow that lie out in two seconds

if she cares to.

No courier was sent with my bag.

No hotel received it.

She could learn that, during
the time of the killing,

nobody knows where I was. No one can say.

She could learn all this at
these interviews tomorrow.

We need to make an alibi.

I'm working on it with Ed.

She has...

The detective has a photograph of me, too.

Yeah, it's six hours later here.

I know. Weird, right?

You haven't been photographed
since you were 19 years old.

I was.

I did, yeah.

Under what circumstances?

For the cover of something

I recorded with a friend of mine

in April, after I...

So she has this what, CD?

A photo of me under another name.

Yeah. She has it somewhere.

She's going to interview me.

Then if she looks at that thing...

Why would you take that picture?

This thing with the guy,

it was making me, I don't know,

happy.

I didn't think.

I was in the...

afternoon spray, I guess.

What? In the what?

That's just when you're...

you're feeling good...

you don't really know what
else is going on around you

so much.

I'm sorry.

Come on. You kidding me?

Look at it from my end.

I authorized the illegal
use of American money

to influence a foreign election,

then I gave the money to the bad guy,

and he's going to use that money

to put Iran back on the path to active...

their weapons program.

A monumental fuck-up that falls to me.

That's... a bigger deal than a picture.

And I wasn't in any
afternoon splash deal, either.

I thought I was thinking clearly.

Don't beat yourself up.

It's still out there.

The bag, the guy.

Well, we need to find him.

The physicist's wife flies in today.

I found the bag man once.

I don't know now.

He won't go back to that room.

He's here alone.

Are you?

You're supposed to be here alone,

but are you actually alone?

Yeah. We have recess, too.

Yeah. It's awesome.

So anyway, remember,

you can't lose from the sidelines.

Let's find his Edward.

How?

Let's use Edward.

We find the guy, we get the bag back,

and we get you out of Luxembourg

before there's more trouble
with this investigation.

We're trying to find this fellow.

He plays your role.
Walk us through your day.

How do you know
he'll have my, you know, vibe?

Because his brother's like John.

That's how families
turn out, it seems like.

You get a John, you get an Edward.

So how do you spend your day, son?

- Well...
- Owning up here. Go.

I sleep until 1 p.m., say.

Then I put on something comfortable.

Then I go to the hotel gym

and see if there are any
attractive women in there

under, say, 30.

If there are, I fake stretch nearby.

If not, I just leave.

And do you always stay at the best hotel?

It's taxpayer's money, so yes.

Does this guy work for the government?

Sort of.

Then he'll be at the The King Gerald.

I mean, where are you staying?

The King Gerald.

See?

What's up, man?

What's up?

I like your style.

Yeah, you, too.

Like the whole thing, the whole vibe.

Cool. Yeah, you, too, your vibe.

Thanks, man.

We have a record of Mahtma El-Mashad

flying in, arriving at 1:30.

My guess is they'll get
together straight away,

her and the Bag Man.

She has a ticket back the next morning.

Where's she staying?

The King Gerald.

Edward's got a point about that.

We all stay there... public servants,

men of science, religious extremists.

It's the best place.

Mahtma El-Mashad.

Welcome. Passport?

You're in the Countess Hedwig.

I would like to watch
a film this afternoon.

Very good. You can do that from your room.

I would like to watch a Disney film.

I'm sure... I'm sure we have those.

What are my Disney choices?

Your Disney choices

would be...

Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3,

Tangled, and Wreck-It Ralph.

And what are they concerning?

Well, Beverly Hills Chihuahua,

that's probably about dogs.

Tangled is about a young
woman on an adventure,

it looks like from the trailer.

And I don't know for the other one.

I'll select Tangled.

Can we arrange for an
employee to do that now

before I arrive in the room?

I would only like to see
that film on the television.

Yes, we can.

Who was your hallway pal?

A stranger whose laptop I found in the bar

and then I gave it back to him

and then he was grateful.

I'll say.

My God.

You know, I can't believe I found you.

My God.

I don't understand. You left Amsterdam.

And you became a businessman in two months?

And you have a different last name?

Lakeman. Yeah.

You marry a guy or something?

Yeah.

Cool.

Yeah, I'm still single.

Well, that's cool.

Yeah.

W-Well, not really, but...

you know what is cool?

Is we're getting medium play

on three independent radio stations

in central Europe.

Cool.

And we're playing the Tomorrowland Festival

in Boom, Belgium.

- When?
- Tonight.

Rob, man...

Hey, it's the folk tent.

I know it's an EDM thing, really,

but there's a folk tent,

and one of the radio
stations, they have a bill.

I called...

and they said we could be on it.

Tyhmens and Saperstein, man.

We're on the bill.

Rob...

We're on the bill.

It's cool, right, the name?

Tomorrowland?

So we go, and we hit it.

Then tomorrow's different.

Dennis, are you there?

Always. I mean yeah.

I'd like you to do
something tonight to help.

Sure, man.

I'm trying to find the
girl from the passport.

I think she's an escort

Lawrence hired on the first trip.

I need you to gather some information...

where she goes, where she lives.

- Yeah.
- All right.

So I'd like you to spend time tonight

with some professional sex workers.

Yes.

Yep.

Two tickets for 5 p.m.

Is there beer on the boat?

Yes, there is a bar, yes.

Hey, man.

- Hey.
- Hey.

You'll like this boat, man.

They got beer on the boat.

All right. There's nothing like a cold one.

There is nothing like a cold one, man.

- That's pure science.
- Ha ha!

Hey, man, I'm Kkyman.

Rick.

Cool.

It is, actually.

It's... It's Cool Rick.

Of course it is.

Ed found him.

The Bag Man?

We think we know where he'll be in an hour.

The guy bought a ticket for two

on that same thing we did today...

the boat thing, tourist thing.

The thing we did to...

- So you could relax a little.
- Yeah.

He's doing the same thing we did

so I could relax a little.

Good.

Kill him.

He doesn't have the bag.

Who does?

Um...

I think she does.

I think the bag got away.

How? He had one transfer, A to B.

I've been told that before,

on occasion.

El-Mashad's wife was
supposed to take it today.

She's watching Tangled in her room.

His brother's here, same as me.

Why is Ed here?

Because things got fucked up.

Right. And the Bag Man's on a boat today,

same as me.

Why'd you take me today?

The boat?

Because things were getting fucked.

You needed to catch your breath

so you could find the bag.

Yeah, well, he's doing the same thing,

and I think for the same reasons.

The bag got away from him.

It's got something to do

with the guy that runs McMillan somehow.

McMillan's involved?

Sort of, yeah.

It's kind of last minute,

- _
- but do you have any Japanese girls?

Great. Just maybe to
accompany me to dinner.

Or maybe to whip the back
of my legs with a Twizzler.

Thank you, Maurice.

I'm... I'm so sorry.

He's a new guy.

The Bag Man's on a boat.

El-Mashad's watching movies.

The guy doesn't have the bag.

She does somehow.

Yeah. Well, he's still
here, and you're still here,

and he's still looking for the bag,

and you're still looking for the bag.

Go kill him.

John?

I think I'm seeing things, Dad.

I think I started seeing things.

Like what?

Like a hundred people
hopping through town here.

At that very tower window...

They have beer.

There's a little bar inside.

Want me to get you a beer?

One beer.

Thanks.

Hey, it's going to be all right.

I'm here.

It's going to be okay, man.

Now please
join me below at the bar

for the rest of the tour.

"Amsterdam Time
Out" called their music

an earnest and effortless
blending of two voices

that form one sound.

Tyhmens and Saperstein.

I'm Tyhmens and Saperstein,

and, I'm going to start

with something from "Circles of Resonance."

It's called "Superself."

And you should imagine that
there's another, higher voice

coming in at... at that
time... at the same time.

And then, at the same time,
I'm saying "It split all..."

Wow. Excuse...

I love you, John!

Wow, man!

I'm glad you made it.

Thank God.

We should hit them with,
"Afternoon Spray."

All right?

I... I was, like, lost.

- Yeah.
- Okay?

"Afternoon Spray."

Okay.

Here we go.

We love you, Rob!

I'm sorry, Rob. I just,
couldn't recall the lyrics.

Just... any of them...

I think I'll just leave.

Just... couldn't...

couldn't recall any of them.