Party of Five (1994–2000): Season 6, Episode 5 - The Shortest Distance - full transcript

Cameron's covert kisses confuse Claudia who thinks that getting involved with him may not be right while she deals with a clueless Alexia. Meanwhile, Evan becomes more mindful of Julia who tries to set some ground rules to their newfound romance. The fertility changes dictates life for both Charlie and Kirsten when she has to take fertility injections with her lithium, and he has to take a second job to pay for the medical costs. Griffin and Will accompany Bailey on a 3,000-mile drive to New York in an old truck to drop off some of Sarah's belongings. When the guys truck breaks down in a small town, Bailey reveals his obsession to get to New York and bring Sarah back with him. Also, Charlie pairs Myra with Claudia for a studying time despite the fact that they both can't stand each other. But when Myra discovers Claudia's secret involvement with Cameron, it gives Myra some leverage against Claudia who uses this info to intimidate Claudia to talk to Charlie to back off his discipline of her.

I know that they
were having problems,

but to do it
over the phone...

It seems kind of cold.

Hey, you mind
if I grab one
of these muffins?

Everything in my
refrigerator at
home tastes like beer.

Go for it.

I just don't know if
we should judge her, Claud.

Judge who?

Sarah's staying
in New York.

What, for how long?
Couple more weeks?

Indefinitely.
I mean, she might
not be coming home.



So that's it, she's just gone?

Hey, blueberry muffins.
Anybody mind?

My parents charge me
for breakfast now.

Somebody say somebody's gone?
Who's gone?

Sarah's staying in New York.
She's not coming back.

What? You mean like permanently?

Could be.

Oh, man. Is Bailey freaking?

Hard to tell.

He's been up in his room
ever since he told us...

Packing Sarah's stuff.

Yeesh.

Well, someone should
probably go talk to him, right?

And say what, Will?



Mornin'.

-Hey, buddy
-Hey, Bay!

-Hey, Bailey.
-Hey...

Ok. Look, I know what
everybody's thinking...

But it's not like we
broke up or anything, ok.

Sarah's just hanging in
New York for a little while.

And so, we're gonna do
the long distance thing.

-No problem.
-Yeah. -Great.
-Sure.

I mean, yeah, it's
gonna take some work.

But it's not like
she's gone forever.

And in the meantime,
I get to go to New York,

hang out with her there,
and she's gonna be
coming back here.

So really, it's not that bad.

It isn't.

-Whatever you want.
-Course not.

-That's great.
-New York is great.

[theme music playing]

♪ Everybody wants to live ♪

♪ Like they wanna live ♪

♪ And everybody wants to love ♪

♪ Like they wanna love ♪

♪ And everybody wants to be ♪

♪ Closer to free ♪

♪ Closer to free ♪

Good morning.

Bacon?

It's part of your
brand new regimen.

To build up your
sperm motility.

Get those swimmers
moving faster.

My sperm?

I'm already
working on that.

I gave up beer, I'm
wearing baggier pants.

And that's great. But
there's more you can do.

Like extra caffeine,
vitamins, diet...

Frozen boxers.

Hello...

Dr. Vasquez said
to do all this?

No, the Internet did.

Kirsten, the Internet?

I couldn't sleep.

These stupid
hormone injections.

So I logged on and I found
a bunch of fertility sites.

Ok, but--

Listen. If our insurance
covered in vitro fertilization,

and you hadn't
already taken that second job
to pay for all this,

and I didn't need these
stupid shots twice a day,

believe me, you'd be
guzzling beers in your
tights for all I care.

But we have to make this
count. Every try we take.

All right. So caffeine,
this funky bacon--

It's actually
dried snake penis.

The Chinese use it
for virility.

What?

They have a billion
people in china.

Where did you
find this website--

Wait, you haven't
heard the best part.

Sex twice a day.

Really? They said that?

Keeps the pipes clear.

Should we tick one off
the list right now?

Yeah, as soon as
I get my shot...

And you take a cold shower
and finish your penis.

I'm sorry. This is
just too very creepy.

These guys? They
only seem like
they're watching.

I'm not talking about the
frogs. I'm talking about us.

All this hiding
and sneaking around.

I broke up with
Alexa. I'm not going
behind her back.

No, I am.

Alexa's my friend.

Ok. Then the way I see
it, you have three choices.

Number one is, we stop
seeing each other.

Really? I mean,
what's choice number two?

Number two is, I tell her.

No. Oh, no. Not that.

She'd hate us
both, Cameron.

Ok. So we're back
to option three.

Which is this.
Flying under the radar.

There must be 50 guys
asking her out by now.

Really? You think so?

I know so. I used
to be one of them.

[school bell rings]

I'll see you fifth period?

Go, go.

What are you looking at?

-So check-in's at 7:00...
-Mmm-hmm.

And my contact at the
bookseller's conference

promised up prime spots
on every panel.

Julia. What are
you doing here?

Chapter seven
hot of the presses.

Well, you could
have faxed it to me

or given it to
me tonight at
the conference.

Yeah. Well, you know, I was
just in the neighborhood.
Hey, you shaved.

Oh, yeah.
For the panel.

So this is
Didi Chen, she's my
Marketing Director.

Didi, this is
Julia Salinger.

-Hi.
-[Didi] Nice to meet you.

Was there anything else?

How's your hand?

It's good. I can--

That's not actually
what I wanted to talk about.

Got it. Writer talk.

-Page me.
-Ok.

What's up?

Ok. It's not a big deal.

I just wanna make sure we're ok.

Hmm?

The other night at
the hospital when we--

When I kissed you.

Oh, that.

That's ancient history.
I haven't given it
a second thought.

-Oh...
-So how did this
chapter turn out?

I know you went
back and forth on that
fight with your brothers.

Not even a second thought, huh?

What?

I mean, I'm glad you're not
upset about it.

But I guess I thought--
Well, the reason that
it happened was because

there was something
between us, you know.

Julia...

I mean, we spend
millions of hours together.

And shared all kinds
of stories about each
other's lives...

-And you did kiss me back...
-Listen, you're not--

I mean, if I'm wrong,
if I'm way off base--

Ok, I'm gonna stop you.
You know I'm your editor here.

Yeah, I know.

I'm not talking
about the book.

Well, maybe you should.

I mean, think about
the situation.

Now I can either
publish you or not. I've got all
the power between us.

Which when two people
work together and
they are not equals--

This kind of thing that
you're alluding to...

It's against all the rules.

Now you do understand
that, don't you?

Sure.

You still didn't
answer my question.

Yes, I did.

My biology final.
I passed, thanks to you.

Good job, Myra.
Congratulations,
that's great.

Geometry is on Friday.

I didn't know if maybe
you had some time.

Uh, listen, I can't.
I can't.

I've got this thing.
I've started another job.

And it works every
night this week.

Every night?

Ok. I get it.

You're like the papa
bird pushing me out
of the nest.

Myra, you're
gonna do great. Ok?

You don't even need me.

You know, half of them break
their little necks though.

I mean, I see their
tiny carcasses

splattered on
the sidewalk.

But hey...

Myra, listen.

Uh, my sister
is awesome at Math.

I mean, maybe
she can help you.

Claudia? Banana girl?

-Banana--
-Republic.

All her friends wear it.

Note, please,
the contrast to me.

She doesn't care
about any of that.

Ok, just wait
here one second,

-And I'm gonna go ask her. Ok?
-No. No...

Claudia, hey.

Listen, I need your
help with something.

Stupid piece of crap.

Listen. I'm
tutoring one of
your classmates.

Myra Wringler.
And she needs some help
with her geometry.

Ringworm? The angriest
student in high school?

You'll be fine.

I thought you
loved me, Charlie.

I thought you cared
if I lived.

Myra, listen.

Myra, Claudia...
Study buddies. Ok?

Gus.

Charlie, hey.

I loved your scroll work on
those Queen Anne knockoffs.

Well, thanks. Listen...

Don't be modest.
Those are tricky devils.

You nailed 'em.

Listen, I don't wanna
sound ungrateful,

But I was wondering if...

Oh, now. I'm
already paying
you $20 an hour.

That's the most I ever
pay a part-timer.

No, no.
I don't want a raise, Gus.

I want some extra hours.

I need at least 30 a week.

I don't have much
of a backlog in
orders, Charlie.

I got guys with
seniority here when I do.

Well, I'm sorry, Gus.
But I really need those hours,

or I'm gonna have
to look somewhere else.

[sighs]

All right. You put it
that way, ok. 30 hours.

Thanks.

Whatever you're saving for,
I hope you get it.

Me, too.

No, no. Captain Fabulous
versus The Blood Guzzler
is the undercard.

You're the promotions
department, you fix it.

No. If Harold finds
out about this...

Hello? Hello?

[grunts] I do not get paid
enough. Don't they
know I'm an intern?

You should protest, man.

-Damn straight.
-Don't come in...

For like a week.
See what they do here
without you.

Man, I am so
ready to do that.

Ok. Then let's go.

-Truck's outside.
-You're funny.

-What truck?
-The truck.

The truck with
Sarah's stuff on it.

Griffin and I are
driving it across country.

Ok, you're losing me here.

I got it all worked out.

Joe's back in town
so he's covering the restaurant,

Victor's got Owen,

And Griffin found some
Harley in Brooklyn
he wants to pick up,

So he's coming with me.

All I need, is my wing man.

My navigator.

But 3,000 miles.

You can't just ship it?

It would cost a fortune
to ship all that stuff. And I was gonna go
visit Sarah anyway,

So I'm saving money
on airfare.

Besides, it's a chance
for us to see the whole
country, Will. Come on.

I don't know...

You're an unpaid intern.
They owe you.

Yeah. Well, it's not like
they won't let me off.

But don't you think
this is a little insane?

Exactly. That's
exactly what it is.

Because it's exactly
what my good buddy Will
told me I should be.

And you were right, man.

It's impulsive,
it's spontaneous,
It's totally out there.

Bailey...

Sarah moved across
the country, Will.

I miss her. Your
compadre is in pain.

Now is that any less
important to you than

who's on the undercard
with The Blood Guzzler?

Come on.

What do you say?

I say, uh...

Shotgun.

Right and then I'll see them
all down in the lobby. -Yeah. Cocktails, sure.
-[knock on door]

Julia. Come on in.

Ok. Well, I'll call you later.

Ok.

-Hi.
-Hi.

So what can I do for you?

Well, I came to talk
to you about the note

you slid under my door.
Chapter seven.

Yeah. I thought there was
some great stuff in there.

Really? I can't tell.

I mean, you crossed out
the entire section
on how I made up with Ned.

Well, I thought it was just
a little simplistic.

What do you mean?

Well, this idea that what
smoothed things over was only...

Well, it was only...

-Sex?
-Yeah.

Well, sometimes
that's what it was.

I believe you. It just
sends out a strange
message, that's all.

Evan, I'm writing
what happened. I'm
not sending a message.

Ok. But we can't ignore how
that affects readers, Julia.

Meaning what?

How do you think
it affects them?

I think that it
might confuse them.

I think that it might
disconnect them from--

Wait. Confuse them or you?

I'm sorry?

It seems you're
a little confused.

Does it bother you, Evan?
The idea of me and sex?

Why would that?

Julia, I hope
you're not still stuck

on that stuff that
happened the other day.

No, no.

Not at all. I'm just
trying to understand.

Cause you might be
the only editor on
the planet right now

who's asking the writer
to give them less sex.

But if that's what you want.
You're the boss, I guess.

[door closes]

Ok, no joke.
Now I really have to pee.

We just stopped in Reno.

That was three hours ago.

And I nearly had to chew
your arm off on the donner pass

to get us to
a drive-through.

And what's up with you
not letting us gamble?

Come on. Reno's a total cliche.

Yeah. A total cliche
with practically naked
cocktail waitresses.

Guys, we're making
amazing time.

Eight hours and 17 minutes
and we're already half
way through Nevada.

Yeah. That's because
we've been in this truck
since 5:30 a.m.

Escaped convicts don't
travel at this pace.

And seriously, you know.
You are pushing the engine
pretty hard.

We're carrying a lot
of weight back there.

In addition to the fact--
In case I failed
to make this clear,

my bladder's about
to explode all over
Sarah's summer wardrobe.

Look, just hold it in
till we all have to go, ok?

We can't keep
stopping if we want
to stay on schedule.

Ok. When did we decide
that we were setting

a transcontinental
speed record?

And what happened
to seeing the sights?

We're seeing the sights.
Look out your window.
See? Sights.

Ok, listen.

Thursday is my third
anniversary with Sarah.

Ok. It's a very
important date.

And I'd really like us
to be together.

Thursday? As in
two days from now?

You want to be
in New York city,

the one next to
the Atlantic Ocean,
by Thursday?

I got it all worked out.
It's exactly 3,100 miles

from the Bay Bridge to the
George Washington Bridge.

That's 17 hours a day
at 60 miles an hour.
It's cake.

I mean, look.
We've already covered

more than half of our
mileage quota for day one.

I'll give you
20 bucks if you
say you have to pee.

I have to pee. Go for it.

Ok, so the angles
always add up to 180.

And so what?
Why do I need to know this?

Claudia?

Tell me you don't
feel bad for her.

Myra...
She's my friend.

Come on. I mean,
so she loses the
football captain.

So what?

Now it's just who's next,
the soccer captain or
the basketball captain?

Hey, Claudia.

Hey.

God, I just
wanna cry so bad.

But I can't let
him see me that way.

I know. But you gotta
forget about Cameron.

I'm trying. I'm trying.

I mean, you're gonna
meet someone else.

In about five minutes.

You know what?
This person, they're
gonna be better.

I mean they're gonna
be better for you.

I don't know.

I don't know
if that's true.

I mean... Cameron...

He is so hard to know.

I mean, he's got
so many secrets.

I mean, it took him like
a year to let me in.

But after he did--

I mean, who else will
I ever have that with?

-Claudia.
-Hi.

What are you doing here?

I just... Cameron,
I just...

I kind of need
to talk to you.

I wish you'd
called first.

I know.
I'm really sorry.

But I couldn't say
this over the phone.

[Karl] Cam, your mom
says dinner's ready.

Cameron, this may seem weird
and you know, kind of sudden,

but I was thinking--

Cam? Oh, hello.

Hi.

I didn't realize you
had a lady friend.

[Cameron's mom]
Karl? We'd better hurry.

Well if you'll
excuse me. Duty calls.

Your dad, he seemed like
a pretty nice guy.

He is. Only he's not here.

My buddy Karl is not my dad.

My dad works late.

Karl and my mom...
Hang out.

-Wow. I--
-Look you don't have
to say anything, ok.

I mean, that's what
I do. Say nothing.

That way they get to
think I don't know.

Look, I gotta go eat.

You were telling
me something.

It can wait.

Ok. I'll see ya.

Ok.

Wow.

You look--

Oh, god. I'm
sorry I'm late.

All right candles, ok...

All right just give me
30 seconds

to get this turpentine
off my skin.

Hurry up.

So, I got Gus to give
me some more hours.

Ten on top of the 20
that I already had.

That should pretty
much cover the I.V.F.

Which just leaves the meds.

[sighs]

I've been dreaming
about this all day.

You know what?
I'm reading.

A minute ago you were
like, "Come hither."

You blinked.
I had a hot flash.

End of story.

Wow.

It's just a mood swing. Ok?

The shots can do that.

This doesn't mean I'm depressed.

My doctors are monitoring
me incredibly closely.

I'm just...

I'm just irritable.

So don't give me that look.

Ok.

But, Kirsten. I mean,
what about the...

The twice a day thing?

I mean I took my pills,
I wore my frosty boxers,

And there's still that...
You know.

Handle it yourself.

I'm going to sleep.

I can't tell for sure,
but I think the cylinder
head may be cracked.

All right. Well, you're
a mechanic. Fix it.

I can get us
to the next town,

but if it's the cylinder head,
we're gonna
need some parts.

That's great.
That's just great.

I'm a new man.

Let's hit the road.

Not tonight.

We're not getting
any farther than
the nearest hotel.

Even better.

All right. As long
as we're back on
the road by 8:00 a.m.

We should be ok.

That may be
a little optimistic.

I don't care if
we have to replace
the whole engine.

We're staying on schedule.

Bailey, I know
you're a man with a mission.
But let's face facts.

There's no way in hell we're
gonna make New York by Thursday.

-We have to.
-Sarah's not gonna
care if you're a day

or two late.
Just give her a call.

-I can't do that.
-[Will] Why not?

Because she doesn't
know I'm coming.

Wait. Help me out here.

We're driving 3,000
miles and Sarah has
no idea you're coming?

No.

Well, what if we get
there and she's gone?

What do you plan on
doing with her stuff?

This isn't just
about her stuff.

Come on, you guys.

You really think
that I would drive 3,000 miles
just to bring her, her stuff?

Then why are you?

I have to surprise her.

-Surprise her.
-Yes.

I'm making a statement.
I'm proving a point.

So she can't say no.

No to what?

No to coming back home.

I'm gonna bring
Sarah back home.

Anyway, I'm sorry
to come by without
calling first,

But we ran out of dipies.

[baby crying]

Oh, it's ok.

And money too.

Because I didn't
get your check yet,
which is no biggie.

Would you go get her
drool-proof duckie book?
It's in the bathroom.

Yes, I can do that.

So anyway, since my landlord's
relaxed about the rent.

Calm down, you know.

Go visit the
red Buddha of
limitless lights...

The ten worlds, you know?

I'm sorry, what
were you saying?

Are you trying to make
a baby with Kirsten?

What? No. Why would
you think that?

Uh, maybe your cobra penis.

And then of course
there's this.

Uh...

-We were keeping
it a secret.
-Mmm-hmm.

But, yeah.

We're doing it in vitro.

You know, where
you take the eggs out and--

Oh, yeah. No, I totally
know about them.
My friend Angie did that.

Yeah. Well, it's just, it's
kind of stressful.

And expensive which is
why we've been acting
a little weird lately.

No, no, you totally
don't have to explain.

Which is why we've
been keeping it quiet.

You know. Because all
that stuff plus it's...

It's still a real long shot.

Charlie, I think it's awesome.

You do? I do.

It's awesome.

And hey. You know, as long
as we're sharing good news,

I should tell you
that I got a job.

-You did?
-Yeah.

That's great.
Why didn't you
say anything? 'Cause I didn't want
to jinx it, you know.

So as of pretty soon,
I'm completely off
your list of worries.

Gotta order the part
from my supplier in Casper.

Take two days to get
it here, minimum.

That's if I give it a rush.

Look, man. If this is
just some kind of scam

to jack up the price
of the repair--

How's that?

Excuse us a second.

Bailey, you need to
lighten up here, ok.

We're in the middle
of god-knows-where Wyoming.

We're lucky this
guy's got a phone--

He's gonna cost us
two extra days, Will.

You keep pissing him
off and he's gonna cost
us a lot more than that.

We'll end up on the back
of a milk carton.

I don't have time
to screw around.

Bailey, you need to like,
take a breath, all right?
You're scaring me.

Well, you know what?
I'm scared too, Will.

This whole thing that
I'm doing with Sarah--
This whole trip here.

It's a long shot, ok.
I know that.

But I don't know
any other way.

She has to see me.

And maybe she'll hear
what I have to say.

And decide not
to come home with me.

But I have to try.

Now, last up...

Slated for a mid-winter
first printing,

a memoir by the very
talented young writer
sitting next to me here,

Julia Salinger.

[applause]

Julia takes a frank look
at the social and familial
context that led her

to stay in an abusive
relationship.

She tries to offer some
answers to women like her,

whether they've
suffered abuse--

Actually, I'm not saying
that I have any answers.

It's one woman's
story told from both
sides of the problem,

to give illumination
and hope to people--

I'm sorry, can I just...

I'm sorry,
I just wanna clarify.

I'm not saying that
I have any answers.

Please don't be
looking for that.

I'm just
trying to tell my story.

And hopefully that'll
make people think.

That's all.

I believe the sample chapter
that you've been given

will clarify how the
book speaks to people--

Actually, you know what?
Just one more thing...

What Evan just said.
You guys are the first
people to read this.

So any reactions that
you have I would love
to hear.

Especially any women--

I'm sorry, should
I be waiting till
you're done?

Go ahead.

Hi. What's
your question?

[chattering]

Yes.

Hey.

How you doin'?

How's the studying coming?

Are you asking me as a friend?

'Cause if that's the case,

if I'm your
so-called friend...
I'm not so sure.

What are you talking about?

Here. Next time you lend
your geometry textbook
to someone,

make sure you check it
for notes and stuff.

What's in here?

Cameron. He's in
your geometry class, right?

Yeah. I guess that's
who "c" was.

He's the one that
scribbles places
for you to meet,

And things like,
"Hey, does 'a' know?"

"A" being Alexa, I assume.

You proud of me, teacher?
I figured it out.

Can I borrow you
just for a minute?

Sure. I'm sorry.

Listen, the next time
you're trying to hijack
a panel like that,

try to give me
a warning, ok?

I know. I'm sorry.

Because I didn't spend
all those hours writing
a marketing presentation

just to hear myself talk.

I know. You're right.

These people need
to leave here

with a clear idea of what those
books are about, Julia.

Right.

Well, one person
definitely heard
what I was saying.

Who?

Me.

Look, don't get me wrong.
I'm not saying
you haven't added a ton,

but all along,
the way we've worked

is I let you tell me
how to write this book.

You asked me to edit you.
That is all that I did.

I know. Evan...
I'm blaming myself.

The thing is,
sitting on that stage,
facing all those people,

it's like a light
went off in my head.

I've been looking for
someone to tell me what
this book should sound like,

and now I know,
I finally realize, this book
should sound like me.

So thank you.
Because what you said

about having all
the power between us,
you were right.

You've been trying
to tell me to take control,
and now I am.

This book is finally
mine again, and that
feels great,

so thank you.

Charlie?

It's midnight.

You were supposed
to be home at 9:00.

Well... Gus had
an order for
end tables.

Next-day delivery.
I had to stay, Or I would've
lost the hours.

I'm gonna go
get undressed.

Kirsten, wait a minute.

I can't. Ok?

I'm just--
I'm too out of it.

Charlie, we have to.

I really don't want to, ok?
I'm totally beat.

I just gotta take a shower
and go to bed.

A hot shower?

'Cause you know,
it's supposed to--

Could you please
not do that right now?

You know, this isn't
easy on me, either.

When I got off
work tonight...

I got in my truck,
and I sat there,
and I thought... "Now I have to go
home and have sex
with my wife."

And, man, I mean,
for a split second there,

I had the urge to go back
in there and work.

Like... I'd rather
go back in there

and make
another end table

than to come home
and make love
to my wife.

I mean...

We're making a baby
here, Kirsten.
This is supposed to be fun.

And it just...
It just feels bad

to be working
on making a baby with you

and catching myself
wondering why.

We're all set.

I got another shop
to messenger the parts,

So we should be
back on the road by noon.

What?

What?

-Will and me...
-We're thinking of
catching a bus back home.

What? You what?

I don't get it.
You guys are
baggin' on me?

Bailey, this trip...

Suddenly, it's
nothing it was
supposed to be.

Why, because we're
not stopping to see the
world's tallest thermometer?

That's part of it.

Look, there's plenty of time
to do all that stuff on the
way back, you guys.

Yeah, maybe so,
but, I don't know.

Will, hey... You're
the one who told me

that I should take
some chances, right?

That I shouldn't
play things safe.

So now I'm taking
your advice, and
you're bailing on me?

You know, maybe
that's why this
feels so wrong.

'Cause you're standing
there acting like this
is you taking risks,

But the truth is,
this is you chasing
after Sarah,

trying to hold on.

You're, like, scared
to let anything change.

No. You know what?
This is a joke.

Me taking relationship
advice from you two guys.

We're not trying--

When Julia left for Stanford,
what did you do?

You let her go.
You totally tanked
on your own marriage.

And you, what's
the longest you've ever
hung in with a girl?

A month? Maybe two?

Or you just get 'em pregnant and
dump 'em on somebody else?

God, Bail--
I can't believe
you would go there!

Leave it's not worth it.

Maybe that's you guys,
but I don't do that.

I don't walk away from people.

I don't quit
on my girlfriend,

and I don't quit
on my friends.

So I'm quitting on you?
Leaving work,

driving thousands of miles
to hear this?

I'm gonna make sure
Sarah knows that
I'm still here.

I'll make sure
so she can't walk away.

Take a look around, man.

She already has.

[knock on door]

Hang on.

Ok. You know,
I have been walking
around this hotel

for three hours,
trying to figure out
what is going on.

I've worked with
hundreds of authors,

-And none of them--
-Evan.

No. There are rules,
Julia, ok?

There are things
that you do, and there
are things you don't do.

I'm sorry what are you
talking about?

How am I supposed to...

It's not just...

I'm sorry.

-Wow. I thought we weren't...
-I know.

This wasn't...
That's not...

No. You know what? Shh...

[man] Order up...

Look, we were talking, and...

We're thinking that...

We changed our minds.

We wanna keep going.

Hit the big apple with you.

Go the distance, all right?

You guys know
how far we still
have to go?

Through, like...
Eight or nine more states.

We've just been
through three,
and already...

We've broken down...
Fighting...

We've had all
these problems,
and there's...

That still leaves eight.

Sarah is so far away.

She's so far away.

-Hey!
-Hey.

I was just on my way
to pick up the baby,

and, actually, I
could use a little
favor from you.

I was hoping you
could watch her for
just a little while

'cause I have
to find a job,
like, today.

Look, Daph.
You know I love you,
but I can't.

Bailey's got me
here 24-7, cooking,
cleaning, shopping.

He needs to learn
that I'm a caregiver,
not a house cleaner.

Soon as that man
gets back from
wherever the hell--

Then are you saying
you're not at your
place very often?

No. Why?

No.

No, no, no,
no, no, no!

But I could sublet my place
for some extra money

if I had a place
to stay for just
a little bit.

Isn't Charlie
helping you out?

No.

Not anymore.
I told him I was fine.

But you're broke.

I know that. But he's--

He's got his own
family now, Victor.

I have to learn
to not lean on people.

As soon as I
finish leaning on
you first. Please?

-Please?
-Ok.

Thank you Victor! I love you!
I love you! I love you!

Keep it clean.

Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.

Wait a minute.

What are you--

Are you breaking
up with me?

I really like you, Cameron.
I mean, I really do, but...

I see Alexa,
and I run into Alexa
thousands of times a day.

So, basically,
you're picking
her over me.

What? No, I'm not.

You are.

Cameron, I'm not
picking anyone.

Unless...

Maybe I'm picking myself.

When I first realized
how upset Alexa was,

I felt bad for her,
and then when I was
at your house,

I felt bad for you.

I was never this
kind of person, Cameron.

I was never the one
who said, "Hey. All's
fair in love and war."

I don't know. Maybe it means
I'll grow old all alone.

I can't do something
that makes me feel
this bad about myself.

I just can't.

Salinger. Charles.

I have a date
with the hamster.

I'm leaving a sample. A sample of...

You know. My sperm.

Have you been here
before, Mr. Salinger?

For a consultation.

Not for--

Down the hall. Cubicle 9.

Ok.

What about...

Something to read
or something.

Everything you need
is in the room.

[knock on door] It's taken.

Hey. I've only been in here
for about 30 seconds.

Ok?

Kirsten...

What's going on?

You were wondering why.

This is why.

[Julia] Hey.

You ok?

I'm fine.

I know that look, Evan.

You get it whenever
you read something
that stinks,

and you're afraid
to tell me.

I don't know.

It's just...

Can't help thinking...

You know there were
so many reasons.

There were good reasons.

And I just...

Is this a mistake?

You know what?
I don't know either.

But the thing is--

I feel good.

Don't you?

Well, yeah,
you know. Sure.

-But, you know...
-Evan.

How do you feel?

I feel good.

[sighs]