Party of Five (1994–2000): Season 6, Episode 21 - Taboo or Not Taboo - full transcript

[Bailey] It's the only
solution, Will.
[Will] Well, not to me.

What if the I.N.S. guy
drops by again?

Yeah, he's right, Will.
I can't keep telling him
you're at work

Or visiting your parents
or something.

I mean, that's the stuff
they look for.

Yeah. You got
to be there.

Will, you've got
to be living there.

Well, I like living here.

[scoffs] You're
kidding me, right?

With a washing machine
that clanks

And one tiny little window
and no fresh air?



Yeah, but I'm
all settled here.

Where the hell are my pants?

Here.

Thank you.

Well, is it a privacy issue?

About not having
separate rooms?

Well, privacy is...
is a factor, yes. So--

[Bailey] So we could
totally work that out.

If you wanted to have
Meredith come over or whatever

Then Holly could just spend
the night over here.

Okay, that's another thing.

What is Meredith gonna say
when she finds out I'm moving
in with another woman?

[Bailey] Nothing. You just
explain it to her.

I don't know.
It just... it feels...



Will, hang on.
I don't get it, man.

I don't get it.

Holly's place is so much
nicer than this.

It's closer
to where you work.

And it's the best way
to keep the I.N.S. happy,

which you were
so worried about before.

So, I mean, what gives?

I'll think about it, okay?

Right now I...
I have to go to work.

[theme song playing]

♪ Everybody wants to live ♪

♪ Like they wanna live ♪

♪ And everybody wants to love ♪

♪ Like they wanna love ♪

♪ Everybody wants to be ♪

♪ Closer to free ♪

♪ Closer to free ♪

Jule, you want to come down
and check your messages?

That reporter lady
has called, like, 15 times.

Ignore her, Claud.
I'm not calling her back.

I can't ignore her.
Every time I pick up
the phone, she beeps in.

[sighs in exasperation]

Why don't you want
to talk to her?

She wants to interview me
for some online magazine.

She read my book online.

She thinks I have something
to say to her readers.

Well, maybe you do.

Claud, she thinks
I'm some pillar of strength

because I stood up to Ned,
that I'm some role model.

So? You are, a little.

Claudia, look at me.
I have been moping around
in my sweats for, like, days.

Because why? Why?
Because Adam is gone.

Because my man went away.
I am not a role model.

Julia, I thought half
the point of this book
was helping people.

Look, I know.

Okay, I will call her back
eventually, just not now.

I'm too busy being disgusted
with myself to be strong
for anyone else.

Any idea how long
that might take?

Why?

She has a deadline
in two days.

So, I, uh,

kind of made
an appointment with her.

She's coming by
later today.

-Claudia!
-What? You can cancel,

but you'll have
to call her.

[Kirsten] So, hon,
for the baby's room,

primary colors are supposed
to be the most stimulating.

But then there's
patterns versus solids,

brushed cotton
versus chenille.

I don't know.

Child development's
kind of your specialty.

All right, guys,
so I'm off.

Gonna go meet my friends
for happy hour

and then we're going
to be out all night.

All night, so don't
wait up, okay?

[both] We won't.

-Have fun.
-Yeah, have fun.

Yeah, 'cause I'm just
saying, you know,

that Luke could be finding us
an apartment back in Dallas
any day now.

And I'd have to go
straight back there,
you know, so...

So this is my night
to get crazy.

So I'm going to go out
and cut it up like I used to,
you know?

Daphne.

Why are you acting like...

[sighs] Okay.

All right, I'll tell
you why, okay?

Because I come back
into town and I call
Dusty, right?

And she goes, "Oh, hey,
what do you think of Wipeout?"

Oh, that stuff's great.

It gets rid of that
poopy smell like that.

No, it's a song, Kirsten.

It's a dance remix.

It's been in all the clubs
for, like, weeks.

And I thought it was
a diaper pail deodorizer.

Oh.

The mission is,
is that I'm gonna
go out for one night.

And I'm gonna be my own
person with her own life

with something on her mind
besides baby, baby, baby.

Um, so, where are
you guys going tonight?

So I'll see you guys
tonight, right?

[Todd] Yeah.
[Claudia] Tonight?

Tonight's the premiere
of Rob Maggio's
orchestral piece, remember?

Oakland East Bay Symphony?

That's tonight?

-Why? You don't want to go?
-No. Of course I want to go.

I just...

I have this monster
Shakespeare paper to write.

[indistinct chattering]

After the concert.

I'll pick you up at 7.

Okay.

-Bye.
-Bye.

-[Todd] See you.
-Bye.

[chuckles]

How does he do it?

You know, he's got school
and sessions

and, you know, he still
manages to go out every night.

How do you do it?

I mean, college, that's
got to be even harder.

I know.

Thank God
for the web, right?

You mean for research?

I guess you could
call it that.

What does that mean?

Just that, um,

the web has everything
you could need.

Even monster Shakespeare
papers you don't have time
to write.

-I can't do that.
-Why not?

[sighs] Gee, I don't know.
Because it's illegal?

Because it's cheating?

I mean, not to mention
the fact that I wouldn't
learn anything.

Look, it's just
like research.

The ideas are there,
but you still got to put
them in your own words.

Besides, what do you
have to learn?

You obviously know
everything already.

Actually, sir, the waiting
list for season seats
is 9,000 people,

but I'd be happy
to make you 9,001.

Sir? Hello?

He hung up.

-They all do.
-That's my job now.

Being a professional
disappointment to people.

And my parents said I couldn't
make a living that way.

So, you got the time
to grab a cup of coffee?

Uh, can't.
Go to work. Sorry.

What's up?

Nothing much.

Just wanted to see
what's going on with you.

Just answering phones,
disappointing the masses.

With you and Holly.

What? What do you mean?

Will,

you made it painfully
clear this morning

that you don't want
to move in with her

even though there's tons
of reasons why you should.

And so I asked myself
why that might be.

And the reason
seems pretty obvious.

-Look, whatever
you're thinking--
-You don't like her.

Do you?

-What?
-It's obvious, Will.

You don't talk to her.
You barely even look at her.

I mean, it's like ever
since the wedding

wherever she is,
you don't want to be.

-Bailey, but wait, that's not--
-Because she likes you, man.

She likes you a lot.

So she did something
that upset you.

Listen, no. That's not...

I like her, too.
I really... I do.

You do? Well, so then
what is it? What's going on?

Look, why can't it just be
the reasons I gave you?

Because we're
friends here, Will.

You can tell me
the truth, it's okay.

Unless...

Unless you think it's me,
like I don't want you there.

If that's what you're worried
about then you couldn't be
farther off base. Honest.

Will.

We love you, man.

Come on, we want you around.

Look, you don't have
to say anything, okay?

Just agree you'll
move in there.

Unless... Am I wrong?
Is it something else?

No.

Nothing.

Okay.

I'll let Holly know.

[peppy music playing]

Having fun yet?

-What?
-Are you having fun?

Oxygen, oxygen. Fun?

You wanted to come out
and cut loose, and to have
a good time

-And it looks like
you're having--
-No, I hate them!

I hate them. They keep
dancing and dancing,
and they never get tired.

Well, it's 'cause
they're professionals, Daph.

No, this has nothing to do
with the fact that I'm not
stripping anymore.

This has to do with this
hormone that just entered
my bloodstream

when I started breast-feeding.

It's the same hormone
makes me, like spark
to topics like spit-up.

[sighs] Maybe I can
counteract this with
a little more tequila.

[chuckles]

Man, look at them.

Stop talking about them.
Get out there, quick,
before you turn into me.

Oh, no, I don't know.

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!

My baby pictures.

They're soaking wet.

-Kirsten!
-What?

I just said, "Oh, my god.
My baby pictures."

Oh, okay. You know what?

Um, in the ladies' room
there's a hot air hand dryer.

Okay.

Look at me.

I'm helpless to stop myself.

I am gonna go air dry
my baby pictures.

-[Kirsten chuckles]
-Okay.

-Come on out and play, girl.
-Oh, no. I don't know.

You know what? Just--
Oh, God, Dusty.

[Phoebe] Okay, uh, so before
we get started,

let me just get
the gushing part
out of the way.

This interview's not about
me and you don't need
all the details,

but let me just say, if I
had half of your strength,

my boyfriend, Henry,
would have never gotten
away with his

"sleep with my roommates,
and blame me for living with
irresistible babes" routine.

-No way.
-Oh, great.

And, okay, I admit it,
I'm kind of half hoping
a little rubs off on me,

so I can go home and
kick his two-timing butt.

-So--
-You said there was
a photographer or something?

Oh, right. I almost forgot.

Sorry.

Okay, um,

smile. [Chuckles]

Look like the hero you are.

[clicking]

Okay.

Now, uh, I already know
all the details about you
and Ned, but, um...

What about now? I mean...

How did all that change?

How you are in relationships
since then?

-I mean, are you stronger?
-Well--

Or do you still have
doormat moments
like me with Henry?

Well, uh...

-Truthfully, I don't
consciously think about, uh--
-[doorbell rings]

-One second?
-Yeah.

Justin.

What are you doing here?

I broke up with Laura.

You did?

Yeah.

I came to see my Mom
and Dad about it.

And you.

I wanted to see you.

I wanted to talk to you.

I wanted to see how
you feel about maybe

getting together--

Wow.

You are good.

[rock music playing]

[Kirsten] How's she
gonna do it?

Is she going to ask him
for his number?
Ask him to dance or...

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my god!

She doesn't wait
for the guy to make
the first move, does she?

Yep, that's our Tai.
She's the original feminist.

She's amazing.

God! You guys
are all just so...

-Just...
-Crazy?

-And slutty?
-Burnt out?

-Free.
-[Daphne] Oh, no.

The poor little thing. She's
all whacked on club soda.

Okay, okay.

Take stripping for instance.

That's a perfect example.

It's fearless.

You know what, honey?
You don't have to say that.

No, I'm not just saying that.

I mean, maybe it's not
something that I would do,

but that's not because
I think it's wrong. It's because...

Because I'm afraid.

Sometimes fear
is a healthy emotion, Kirsten.

[Kirsten] I don't know.

'Cause if I'm scared
then I'm not really free.

And if I'm not really free--

This is something
you think you need?

To get naked
in front of people?

No, but...

Why not? If the only reason
that I don't is 'cause of what
people think

then I'm no different
than anyone else.

I'm just someone who
follows the rules.

Who gets married
and has kids and...

and never does anything
out of line

their whole life.

[Holly] Morning, darling.

Morning.

Hi. Good morning.

I thought we'd celebrate
our first morning
of cohabitational bliss.

Milk in your coffee? Yeah.

What's wrong?

Your neck.

-It's all funny.
-Oh, it's nothing. It's...

it's a crick. It'll...
it'll straighten itself out.

Here. Let me.

Oh, no, you don't have to.

Seriously.

We've been studying
this muscle group in class.

Trapezius.

Wow! God, your muscles
are tensing.

Okay, take a deep breath.

And let it go.

[key opening door]

-Hey.
-[both] Hey.

Uh, we were just...

Wow, you know,
look at the time.
I should really...

I'm, uh, I'm gonna
be late for shower.

Uh, but your breakfast?

Right, right. Thank you.

Will, hey, hey,
where you going, man?

Sit down, relax.
Eat your breakfast.

I just came by
to confirm tonight.

-You still free?
-Yep.

It's amazing.
A celestial convergence.

No tests, no papers, no work.

Just the two of us tonight.

Will, what are you
doing tonight?

Yeah, why don't you
come with us?

-Yes.
-We haven't properly
celebrated our betrothal yet.

You've been making
excuses all week.

No, you know what? I can't.

I, uh, I need
to get settled in here.

See? There he goes again.

Another big fat excuse.

No. You know what?
You guys should go, okay?

-Just the two of you.
-No way. Holly's right.

You're coming with us.

Matter of fact

Here.

Call Meredith,
we'll make it a party.

Will, we want you
to come with us.

Okay?

[Julia] I mean, he
basically asked me
to break up his wedding,

and then when I won't,
he marries her anyway.

And then he has the nerve
to show up at my doorstep
and tell me he's leaving her,

like I'm supposed
to be grateful?

Julia, stop explaining.

-You did the right thing.
-You think?

'Cause you know, I don't
want it to seem like that's
something I recommend,

you know, slamming doors
in guys' faces.

Look, I totally understand.
This was a special circumstance.

Right, exactly.

This guy has been
taking advantage
of you for months.

You're just saying to him,
"If that's how
you plan to treat me,

-then we're not friends."
-No, not exactly. I mean...

Believe me, I get it.
I've been there.

Justin is just like
my ex from last year.

Every time one of his flings
wouldn't pan out Jack would
come to me crying.

Well, actually,
Justin isn't--

He'd sit there and sob
about Vilma or Rachel
or Jennie.

How they were the love
of his life based on one
fluid exchange.

But he actually
married this girl.

And I knew it was crap,
but I slept with him anyway.

No, actually,
that isn't Justin at all.

I mean, he...

He still kind of loves me.

Which, I guess, is why
it's so hard for me

when he wants me
to tell him how I feel,
because I... I still...

Well, I guess I still
sort of love him, too.

[sighs] Sure.

I thought I loved Jack.

Well, no, actually,
I'm saying--

That's why you
shouldn't be modest.

I mean, if he breaks your
heart with his selfishness,

don't be sorry for breaking
his face with your door.

[knocking on door]

Um, Victor said
I should just come up.

Are you decent? I hope not.

Yes.

-What are you doing here?
-Uh, well, I just...

I know you and Shakespeare
have a lot to do tonight,

but I thought you deserved
a study break.

Don't you ever have homework?

I did it already.

Besides, I missed you.

So, why don't you
give me a half an hour

and I'll take you out for two
scoops of Mitchell's mint chip
in a sugar cone?

-I can't.
-With sprinkles.

Todd, I have to rewrite
this paper.

Rewrite? But...

Claud, this paper's
already written.

-What?
-"In conclusion,
Juliet's decision--"

Don't read that.

Oh, it's just, you know
I haven't finished it.

You know, you are unbelievable,
you know that?

You are so smart,

and so talented,
and so beautiful.

I honestly don't even know
what you're doing with me.

Todd, what are you
talking about?

Oh, I'm just lucky is all.

You know what? Maybe...

maybe I need that
study break after all.

Well, what about
your rewrite?

What about it?

[Charlie] So program is

you entertain Martine
while I work on Chuck.

I mean, it should
be a breeze.

As long as I don't nod off
when she starts her
gardening talk.

Hey, come on,
you love that stuff.

She talked you into that
hydrogen plant that you
killed that one time.

Hydrangea. And I didn't
kill it, I dried it

Which makes for a very nice
display for a flowering...

Anyway, that wasn't
my point.

My point was,

maybe we'd have a lot more
fun if we just didn't go to
some restaurant, you know?

I mean, Daphne and her
friends, they're going
to this other thing,

this crazy rock
theater thing.

[sighs] Kirsten,
you can't be serious.

Rock theater
with Chuck and Martine? Okay, okay, you don't
think that they would
have fun,

but, I mean, you
may be surprised.

Maybe they're dreading
this sit-down dinner thing
just as much as we are.

But, Kirsten, rock theater?

I mean, I can't even believe
you'd want to do that.

Like I said,
you'd be surprised.

Well, listen, I mean,
if that's how you feel,
then great.

You and me, we'll go out
and get crazy some night.

Yeah, like that'll
ever happen.

It will. Just not tonight.

[Julia] Uh, just a minute,
I'm coming.

-[doorbell ringing]
-I'm coming. Who is it?

-Hey.
-I'm sorry. Did...

-did I get the time wrong, or--
-Time? What time is it?

8:30. Well, tomorrow
is my deadline, or I wouldn't--

Oh, wow, it's 8:30 already?

Mmm.

Would tomorrow
morning be better?

It looks like
I just woke you up.

Yeah. You know, um,
would that be okay?
Tomorrow?

No problem. What time?

-Oh, uh, tomorrow is what?
-[man] Hey, Julia.

Want some of that
leftover Thai food?

[Justin] Oh, sorry. Hi.

You know what?
I'll call you.

Phoebe, wait.

[Holly] Everyone seems
to be blaming the media

but it says just as much
about the women

Parading around on television
like beauty contestants.

It's supposed to be
about love not the lottery.

I mean, Meredith,
don't you agree?

-[Meredith] Yeah.
-But... but how is that
any different from real life?

People meet like that
all the time, at parties
and at bars.

On blind dates.

That's how you guys met,
isn't it?

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

So you agreed to go out
without knowing
each other at all?

And you hit it off.

Look at you.
You're together, right?

Right?

I'm sorry.

We're not together.

Did you tell them
we were still dating?

No.

No, not...

They just said they
wanted to see you,
so I... I set it up.

[indistinct chattering]

Yeah. Sorry.

You... you just kept saying
"you guys", like we were
together, and...

But I didn't mean to stop
the whole conversation.

Ha. It's okay.

[clears throat]

You know, I... I'm going
to go to the ladies' room.

It's back that way.

You and Meredith
split up?

When did that happen?

I don't know,
a week ago maybe.

You could've said no
to tonight if it was going
to be uncomfortable for you.

Why?

Because we don't want you
to be uncomfortable, Will.

Oh, you don't.

What does that mean?

Look, I don't belong
here, okay? Can we just
admit that, please.

I mean, I did this whole
marrying Holly thing,

so that she would be able
to stay here with you,

not with me.

Well, no one's saying--

You guys have been working
incredibly hard to make me
feel comfortable here,

but I'm really not.

-Will, hang on a second.
-No. You know what?

The only thing worse
than being in this position

is pretending that I'm not,
so please.

I'm going to go get Meredith.

You guys just stay here
and hang out with each other

because that's what
you really want.

So just do what you want.

[Daphne] Mm! Oh, my God.

Now I know what Dracula
must've felt like.

I guess you guys
had fun last night, huh?

Yeah. Thanks.

A little too much fun.

Okay, a lot too much fun.

What did you guys
do last night?

Oh, Kirsten!

Sorry.

What, something bad
happen or something?

No, nothing bad happened.

Nothing happened at all.
A big giant nothing.

Dinner with clients.

Mm. Dry toast.

Perfect.

And so,
did you guys dance?

-Mm.
-Stayed out late?

Hmm.

Looks like you had
a couple drinks.

You missed nothing.
I'm telling you.

I mean, I've been
feeling all this time
like I was missing out.

You know, not being
here and getting wild
with my friends,

but I really missed nothing.

Except watching them
pick up on guys
they really don't like,

and paying way too much
for drinks that I really
don't need,

and cotton mouth,
and jack-hammer head
and dry heaves. Ugh.

I just need a hit
of that beautiful
daughter of mine.

Hey.

What is that face?

Well, at least
you had it once. At least you know
what you're not missing.

[alarm beeping]

[shower running]

Uh, Phoebe?
[knocks on desk]

Excuse me.

-Oh. Hi.
-Hi. Uh...

You in the middle
of something?

No.

What's up?

Uh, look, I know what
you must be thinking
about me and Justin.

And I just wanted to make
sure if people are going
to be reading about me

if I'm supposed to be
some kind of example,

I... I'd rather be
a good one, you know.

See, the thing is it...

What happened is that Justin
came over to the house,

and he was practically
in tears. And, I know,

maybe that seems lame
that I let that...

[exhales]

...affect me,
but he was really upset.

He was really upset.
He and his wife, they talked,

and they realized they made
this horrible mistake.

Yeah, that...
that sounds sad, but--

No... no. Actually,
see, I listened to him.

And all of the stuff that
I was angry about it just
kind of faded away.

And I realized
that means something.

-Julia--
-And I know it sounds cliche,

but one thing led
to another and, uh...

[chuckles]

Why are you
telling me this?

I mean, this article doesn't
have anything to do with him.

No, I know that.

I just... I... I saw your
expression when you left,

and I thought about

what it must look like.

You know, how... how weak
I must seem or whatever.

It's none of my business, But it's just...

I mean, if you're so sure
about being with this guy

then why do you have
to do so much explaining?

[teacher] I'll be honest.

I dread teaching
this play every year.

Teaching Romeo and Juliet
to high school students

always seems to bring out
the worst in them.

The ambitious ones
rent the Leo movie.

But most of you
haven't even read it.

Let alone had an original
thought to contribute.

Claudia.

This is college-level writing.
You know that, don't you?

It is?

I'm proud of you.

Now, as for the rest of you,

this week's test is on
Much Ado About Nothing.

I suggest you actually
read this one, people.

-[rock music playing]
-[loud cheering]

[Kirsten] Hey.

[Dusty] Hey!

-Oh, so, what you think?
-Oh, you were great!

It was... you were so...
[exclaims]

Wow! You had that audience
in the palm of your hand.

So to speak.

[Kirsten] What does
that feel like?

All those guys cheering
and you're just doing
your thing.

In complete control, like
you don't even notice them.

Oh, I noticed them.

There was one guy
in the corner putting
on a show all of his own.

Hey. um, are those
your costumes?

Oh, yeah.
They're my own designs.

I make a little money
on the side selling them
to the other girls.

Go ahead. Take a look.

Maybe you want to buy one.
Put a little spice
in your marriage.

Hey, Kirsten, how about
we get going, okay?

Dusty, it was great
seeing you, but, you know,

this place sort of brings
back all the wrong memories,
know what I'm saying?

Or maybe you want
to give the stage a try.

[Daphne] Okay, what?

Kirsten dancing?

The girl's got some moves.
I've seen them.

[Daphne laughing] Okay, no.

No, wait, Kirsten.
You're not actually
considering this, are you?

Kirsten?

No, no, no, no, no.
Okay, this is not a good idea.

All right, Dusty,
you will now help me
talk her out of this

because she doesn't need
to do this, does she?

I don't know, does she?

[Justin] It's weird.

We've been apart for so long,
and then, now, all of a sudden

to get back together
just like that, I...

[Julia] Yeah, it's weird.

You know what? I...

I have to say, I feel good.
I mean, it feels right,
you know?

Doesn't it bother you,
Justin, at all?

Just...

How easy it was?

I mean, I...

I saw you and I fell
into bed with you.

-Yeah, so? I mean--
-Well, doesn't that
seem strange?

I mean, no discussion,
no conversation.

About what?

I don't know.
About all of that stuff.

Laura, the last
couple of months.

What do you mean?
We talked about this
all night long.

About your side,
not about mine.

Okay, fine.
More pain. Go ahead.

No, I'm...
I'm serious, Justin.

You put me through hell.

You asked me whether I thought
you should get married,

and when I finally
decided to be honest,
you told me you were going

to get married anyway.
Then you asked me
to break up your wedding.

Okay. Look, I told you
I was wrong.

I was confused,
and I made a mistake.

Look, where is this
all coming from?

Two days ago, you were ready
to let all of this go.

Justin, look
at what we're doing.

We're jumping into bed
together because we're
both on the rebound,

and we're avoiding the pain.

It's us, though.

We talked about this.
We want to be together, right?

Want to be or need to be?

[scoffing] Well, who cares?

Well, I do.

I do, 'cause it feels bad,
Justin. It feels weak.

Julia, why do we have
to pick everything apart?

You sound like you're trying
to talk yourself out of this.

Yeah, well, better that than me
trying to talk myself into it.

[footsteps approaching]

Hey.

-What's up?
-Hey. Not much.

Holly said you hadn't come by
her place all day today.

No. You know, my stuff
is all there, so if one of
those agents comes by,

she can call me and I'll
take a cab and say I was
over at a friend's house.

We've been over this,
Will. It's not going
to work that way.

Look, I don't want
to be there.

Yeah, I know, but why?

-Why? What is going on with you?
-I told you ten times now.

Yeah, but that's not true.
You know it's not.

You're my best friend, Will,
and Holly is nuts about you.
You know that.

Just stop!

[sighs]

Will.

I tried so hard to stop
this from happening,
Bay, I did.

At first I tried not
to feel it, and when
that didn't work,

I tried not to move in.
I tried not to be where
I'd have to be tempted.

-Tempted? What are you--
-Look, it happens.

Okay? You meet someone.
You spend time with someone.

Will, hold on.
You're losing me here.

And I would've ignored it.
I would've just let it
wear off, you know.

But we're always together.

You keep pushing us
both together.

Wait a minute.
You're not saying...

Will.

Come on.

I know. I know
it's messed up, okay.

But I didn't
want it to happen.

But it did happen.

Didn't it?

Bay, come on. You think
I can control that?

Of course, you can, Will.

You don't even think
about something like that.
You don't even consider it.

How? When my job is to study
this woman like homework, how?

You find a way.

If you want to be
somebody's friend, Will.

You find a way.

[Claudia] Let's see. "Climax for Two",

"Brunette On the Inside."

Oh.

Here it is,
"I Know Who I Am"

Oh.

Well, just, um, scan it
and look for my name.

Hmm, not page one.

Not page two.

No. Nope, nowhere.

It seems to be
all about Oota Pflug.

-Who's Oota Pflug?
-A female bodybuilder.

Looks pretty impressive.

Oh, yeah?

What does she have to say?

Yadda, yadda, yadda,
"Ms. Hemisphere".

Okay, here.

"I told him I loved him,

but if he had to be
with more women than me

I was drawing the line.
There'd be no more mistakes."

Wait. "No more"?

She took back this guy
who cheated on her?

Yeah, apparently.

What does the magazine
have to say about that?

"Oota Pflug breaks the rules.

She forgives and forgets,

but she teaches us
there's more than
one kind of strength.

The strength to remake
the rules when there's
something important to us."

Well, that's what I did,
and they cut me
out of the article.

Why is it strong for her
and weak for me?

Oh, you should
see these pecs.

[Charlie] Kirsten?

In here.

-Hey.
-Hey.

What's up?
You're in bed reading?

Oh, yeah.

It's just been
kind of a long day.

Okay.

But, um,

I got those tickets
to that rock theater thing.

I thought we were
going to go out tonight
and paint the town.

Hmm.

Well, we could.

Kirsten, this was important
to you to get out of the house

and get wild or whatever.
I mean, you got me excited
about it.

[chuckles]

I know. I just...

Well, I just sort of
changed my mind.

Okay.

So what do you
feel like doing?

Just crashing?

Mmm...

Let's...

Let's take a warm bath.

Together. Okay.

I'll go run the tub.

Okay.

-How about bubbles?
-Sounds great.

[Todd] Hey.

There you are.

Are you okay?

Yeah. Why?

Aren't you supposed
to be at a session?

Fraley said you canceled
at the last minute. I...

I mean, I thought something
might be wrong.

You came all the way
over here?

So, what's going on?

Is everything all right?

This is going
to sound so stupid.

I failed my "Much Ado" exam.

What?

I didn't actually
fail it. I didn't show up.

You know, I felt like I should
make up for the paper that I...

Anyway,

I can't do this anymore, Todd.

I mean, I can't do school
and sessions and concerts
and parties and after-parties.

I can't keep up
with you anymore.

I don't know how
you do it, but... [sighs]

but somehow you manage
to do everything
and be everywhere.

I don't know. It's like
part of me is scared that
if I don't keep up with you,

I'll be left behind.

And I'll miss everything.

See, I told you
that would sound stupid.

So, I guess you have
to study, huh?

Yeah.

What are you doing?

I'm studying, too.

But, Todd, what
about the session?

You don't want to miss it.

You know, for
a really smart person,

you're not very smart
sometimes.

What?

Claudia, the only thing
I don't want to miss
is being with you.

How could you
not know that by now?

[Will] No, it's the 25-yard
line, but you're close
to the field.

Now, I can get you
near the 50-yard line...

Listen, can I call you back?

Thanks.

-Hey.
-Hi.

Holly said you didn't
come home last night.

Yeah, well, considering...

I spent the night
with my parents.

-Will--
-Listen.

I feel incredibly
horrible, okay?

For lying, for telling you...
God, for letting it happen--

Will, stop.

Okay?

You don't have to explain.
You don't have to apologize.

Okay?

I mean, how could I
not understand this?

I'm crazy about her.

Right? So...

Why wouldn't anybody else be?

So, you're not mad?

No, I'm not mad.

Does she know?

[disapprovingly] Mm-Hmm.

Now I have to tell her.

Why?

Well, she's got to know
why I'm suddenly not
living with her anymore.

But you are. What? Excuse me?

You are living with her,
Will. You're married.

You have to live there.
That's how it works.

But, Bailey, I mean,
you know how I feel here.

Look, that's...

Whatever. I trust you.

You're not listening to me.

The point is
this is painful for me.

Well, Will, I understand
that, but there's...

We don't have a choice.

What are you...

Will,

you got married.

You stood in front of a judge
and got married.

And if they find out
you lied about that,

that's against the law.
She could get deported.
And you could go to jail.

But there's got to be
a way out. I mean,
given what's happening here.

I'm sorry.

This is how it is.

We have to live
with this now.

"We"?

I'm sorry.

[doorbell rings]

-Hey.
-Hi. Can I come in?

Yeah, yeah. Come in.

What's going on?
I thought we weren't--

I was at the grocery store,
and I had a craving
for something desserty.

It's, uh...

My favorite,
triple fudge chunk.

And so, I was standing
in line and I was feeling
really guilty.

And then I thought,
well, why?

I mean, it's just yogurt,
protein, calcium.

It's almost fat-free,
and then I realized
the reason was...

Was that I really wanted it.

And so I kind of feel like
by giving into that,
that I must be weak.

But maybe... maybe
I've got it all backwards.

I mean, maybe by taking
what you want it's...
it's being strong.

You know?

You still have that TV
upstairs in your bedroom?

-Yes.
-Yeah.

There's a really fun game show
on that'll rot your brain.

Want to watch it with me?

I'll go get some spoons.

Actually, I have
some already.

-Oh, you do?
-Mm-hmm.

-Huh?
-Don't! Don't, don't, don't.

[giggling and squealing]