Party of Five (1994–2000): Season 5, Episode 10 - One Christmas, to Go - full transcript
The week before Christmas, Daphne's routine of quiet desperation is interrupted by an unannounced visit from her inattentive and obnoxious mother along with her boyfriend. Although Daphne is dubious, Charlie insists that the visitors stay. But Charlie has other things on his mind when he gets angry at Claudia and Griffin after he brings her home for the holidays and she refuses to go back to her school. Meanwhile, a dejected Owen stays with Bailey and Sarah which leads to an incident when Owen is suspected of stealing a baby doll from a nativity scene over his growing resentment over Daphne's baby. Also, Julia tries helping Ned with a term paper due before the holidays. But Julia later finds out that Ned only wants her around as company since he does not want to spend Christmas with his dysfunctional family.
MM.
OH, THANK GOD YOU BROUGHT FOOD.
BARELY ENOUGH TO FEED THIS HOUSE ANYMORE.
WHERE'S DAPHNE?
SHE'S IN THE LIVING ROOM.
SHE'S KIND OF A...MESS.
IS DIANA SLEEPING?
I JUST PUT HER DOWN, AND SHE'S TAKING A NAP,
BUT, UH, CHARLIE,
SHOULD I SERVE DINNER? 'CAUSE THERE'S A LOT
OF HUNGRY PEOPLE AROUND HERE
ALL OF A SUDDEN.
CLAUD, IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK,
OK?
NO AMOUNT OF GOOD DEEDS IS GOING
TO FIX WHAT YOU DID.
NO, CHARLIE, THAT'S NOT WHAT--
NOW, IF YOU WANT TO MAKE IT RIGHT,
YOU SHOULD GET ON THE PHONE
AND CALL HANOVER
AND BEG THEM TO TAKE YOU BACK
AFTER CHRISTMAS.
FORGET IT, CHARLIE.
I'M NOT GOING BACK THERE, SO...
IF YOU WANT TO BE MAD AT ME TILL THE MILLENNIUM,
THAT'S FINE.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT,
A LOT OF PEOPLE?
WE'RE NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE.
OH, YOU'RE HOME. UM--
IT'S OK. I--I GOT THE BABY.
JUST RELAX.
GO OUT, DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. I MEAN,
IF YOU'RE NOT UP TO IT,
YOU'RE NOT UP TO IT.
THIS CAME OFF THE CHAIR FROM YOUR ROOM.
LES THOUGHT IT WAS A RECLINER, SO WE...
FORCED IT A LITTLE.
OH. CHAIRS OUGHT
TO HAVE A LABEL OR SOMETHING
SO THIS DON'T HAPPEN
TO PEOPLE.
MOM! YOU BETTER NOT HAVE BEEN UNPACKING.
I TOLD YOU NOT TO UNPACK UNTIL
I TALKED TO CHARLIE.
YOU'RE...YOU'RE DAPHNE'S MOM?
I'M--I'M CHARLIE SALINGER.
DOREEN JABLONSKY.
SUCH A PLEASURE.
AND THIS IS LESTER PERCH, MY...
WELL, MY VERY GOOD FRIEND.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
HOW ARE YOU? GOOD.
IF I CAN JUST GET THAT REMOTE THERE,
LITTLE LADY.
THANK YOU.
THEY DON'T HAVE TO STAY, YOU KNOW.
WE DIDN'T INVITE THEM OR ANYTHING.
AS SOON AS I HEARD THAT DIANA WAS BORN,
I JUST--I JUST HAD TO GET OVER HERE
AND MEET MY LITTLE GRANDCHILD.
THEY JUST SORT OF SHOWED UP
OUT OF NOWHERE.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? IT'S CHRISTMAS, DAPHNE,
AND SHE'S YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR FAMILY.
OF COURSE THEY'LL STAY-- FINE.
THEN THEY CAN STAY IN THE ATTIC
OR THE GARAGE.
THEY'LL STAY IN OUR ROOM.
WE'LL--WE'LL SLEEP WITH THE BABY.
SUCH A GENTLEMAN.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS IS THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.
THE HOLIDAYS.
REALLY. GRANDPARENTS,
GRANDKIDS, I MEAN, A HOUSE FULL OF FAMILY...
I MEAN...
ISN'T THIS THE WAY IT SHOULD BE?
♪ EVERYBODY WANTS TO LIVE ♪
♪ LIKE THEY WANNA LIVE ♪
♪ AND EVERYBODY WANTS TO LOVE ♪
♪ LIKE THEY WANNA LOVE ♪
♪ EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE ♪
♪ CLOSER TO FREE-EE-EE ♪
♪ CLOSER TO FREE ♪
CHRISTMAS IS 10 DAYS, JULIA.
10 DAYS.
WOW.
NED, BUT WE CAN SEE EACH OTHER
OVER THE BREAK.
THE DRIVE'S, WHAT, ONLY 40, 50 MINUTES.
YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO BE AT HOME
WITH YOUR SISTER AND THE BABY
AND EVERYONE.
I MEAN, THE DORM,
THEY'VE ALREADY TURNED OFF THE HEAT.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WANT TO VISIT.
WAIT.
YOU MEAN HERE? YOU'RE NOT
GOING HOME?
I THOUGHT YOU KNEW THAT.
MY POLI SCI PAPER WAS DUE, LIKE, YESTERDAY,
AND IT'S 5 POINTS OFF FOR EVERY DAY LATE.
MAN...
SO...
ONCE I'VE MISSED CHRISTMAS, I MIGHT AS WELL STAY
AND START CRAMMING FOR FINALS.
NED, THAT'S SO DEPRESSING.
WELL...
IT'S MAINLY THAT I'M MISSING YOU
THAT BUMS ME.
MM...
OK, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DON'T CARE IF IT BOTHERS YOU.
I AM CALLING YOU
EVERY OTHER MINUTE, DAY AND NIGHT,
SO YOU BETTER NEVER LEAVE THE PHONE.
SURE.
THAT'S GREAT. NEVER.
OH, GOSH, GRANDMA TO A GREAT BIG NEW FAMILY!
WHAT A HOOT! WHOO! (CLAPS)
REMEMBER HOW YOU USED TO LOVE THE ZOO?
I HATED THE ZOO, MOM.
I USED TO CRY AND BEG YOU TO LEAVE.
YOU KNOW, LES IS A BIG SOFTIE.
WHEREVER WE GO ANYWHERE,
FIRST THING HE WANTS TO DO IS JUST FIND
THE BABOONS, YOU KNOW,
AND THEN JUST LAUGH WHILE THEY DO
THEIR BUSINESS.
SHE'S NOT NEARLY OLD ENOUGH TO GO
TO THE ZOO YET.
SHE'S BARELY SEEING COLORS.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE SNAPS?
NEXT YEAR'S CHRISTMAS CARD.
BESIDES, I ALREADY PROMISED LES.
MOM!
I TOLD YOU A HUNDRED TIMES
NOT TO LIGHT UP
IN FRONT OF THE BABY!
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH ME?
I FORGOT LES' FOAMER.
I PROMISED HIM A GAME BEER HALF A QUARTER AGO,
AND HERE I AM, BABBLING LIKE A MONKEY.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL GET IT.
NO, NO, I CAN GET--
NO, YOU TWO STAY AND TALK.
NO, YOU-- I GOT IT.
ISN'T HE NICE?
LISTEN, CHARLIE,
I KNOW YOU'RE STILL PISSED ABOUT
THE CLAUDIA THING,
AND I SORT OF CAN'T HELP BUT HEAR
FROM THE SHED
WHEN YOU GIVE HER HELL.
WELL, TRY, 'CAUSE IT'S REALLY
NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
IF YOU'D HAVE JUST HEARD
WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR HER THERE, MAN,
MAYBE YOU WOULD'VE--
NO, I WOULDN'T.
I WOULDN'T HAVE JUST YANKED HER OUT
WITHOUT TELLING ANYBODY.
BECAUSE NOW THE SCHOOL IS PISSED,
AND THEY MIGHT NOT RELEASE HER TRANSCRIPT,
WHICH MEANS THAT SHE MIGHT HAVE TO TAKE
THE WHOLE YEAR OVER AGAIN.
REALLY?
YEAH. REALLY.
SO PLEASE DON'T TELL ME
WHEN I CAN OR CAN'T BE MAD
OR HOW I SHOULD BE TAKING CARE OF
MY LITTLE SISTER,
'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT, GRIFFIN?
YOU SLEEP HERE,
AND YOU GET YOUR MAIL HERE,
BUT YOUR SHARING AN ADDRESS DOESN'T MAKE YOU FAMILY.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
OH, MAN, IT'S COLD IN HERE!
I THINK IT'S ACTUALLY COLDER
THAN IT IS OUTSIDE.
JULIA, I REALLY, UH,
I--I CAN'T RIGHT NOW.
IF I COULD JUST TROUBLE YOU
FOR A KISS GOOD-BYE.
I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING.
OK.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
I'M FINE.
I'M IN TROUBLE HERE.
WHAT, W-WITH POLI SCI?
NED, COME ON, IF YOU GET A "B",
THAT'S 85 POINTS MINUS 10 FOR BEING LATE.
WHICH BRINGS ME TO A "D" OVERALL
WHEN YOU AVERAGE IN THE MIDTERM,
WHICH MAKES MY G.P.A. 1.9,
WHICH PUTS ME ON ACADEMIC PROBATION.
WAIT...WHY DID I...
I THOUGHT YOU WERE DOING OK.
I KNOW. I JUST...
AH, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MULTITASK
LIKE YOU.
I MEAN, YOU SPEND ALL THIS TIME
WITH ME AND...
THEN CRAM AND PULL OFF As,
AND ME, I JUST...
I CAN'T.
BUT, LISTEN, GO.
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, YOU--YOU SHOULD GO.
NO, I-I'M NOT. I'M GOING TO, UH--
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO?
I'M GOING TO... BLOW OFF DINNER AT HOME,
AND I'M GOING TO SPEND THE NIGHT
WITH YOU HERE,
AND I'M GOING TO WORK
ON YOUR PAPER. JULIA, NO.
AND YOU'RE GOING TO GET AN "A," AND YOU'RE GOING
TO STAY OFF PROBATION,
AND WE'RE BOTH GOING TO GET TO GO HOME
AND HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO THIS.
AND I'M JUST GOING TO ASK YOU FOR ONE THING.
IN THE FUTURE, DON'T USE ME AS AN EXCUSE
FOR NOT WORKING,
'CAUSE... I--I DON'T WANT TO...
FEEL GUILTY FOR SPENDING TIME WITH YOU.
OK?
AND ONE MORE THING.
I'M GOING TO INSIST THAT WE GET A ROOM
SOMEWHERE,
'CAUSE ICELANDIANS COULDN'T STUDY
IN THIS COLD.
OK, SO I DON'T WANT TO GLOAT OR ANYTHING,
BUT THIS PENCIL HOLDER THAT I'M MAKING
IS ACTUALLY GOING TO BE ABLE TO HOLD PENCILS.
NICE.
HEY.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, OWE?
YOU'RE NOT DONE WITH CHARLIE'S PRESENT YET.
YES, I AM.
BUT IT'S BARELY EVEN...
IT'S NOT...
WHATEVER IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE.
IS EXACTLY WHAT IT IS.
'CAUSE, YOU KNOW,
THERE IS NO GOOD OR BAD WHEN YOU'RE MAKING
A PRESENT,
SO IF OWEN SAYS THAT IT'S DONE,
THEN IT'S DONE.
OK.
SO WHAT'D YOU MAKE THERE...
FOR CHARLIE? WHAT'S YOUR PILE
OF CLAY SUPPOSED TO BE?
A PILE OF CLAY.
WHICH IS COMPLETELY FINE.
BECAUSE YOU MADE IT ESPECIALLY FOR
YOUR BROTHER,
AND YOU HAD A LOT OF FUN DOING IT, RIGHT?
I KNOW WHAT EVERYONE'S DOING.
OK?
EVERYONE'S PRETENDING. LIKE ME STAYING OVER,
LIKE IT'S ALL SOME SPECIAL TREAT.
BUT I KNOW WHY I'M STILL HERE.
IT'S 'CAUSE THEY DON'T WANT ME BACK.
BECAUSE OF THE BABY.
THAT'S ALL.
IF SHE SAYS "MY OOGIE BOOGIE BASTARD GRANDCHILD"
ONE MORE TIME, I'M--
SHH...
SHE CAN HEAR YOU.
GOOD. I HOPE SHE DOES.
I HOPE SHE HEARS ME--
THE BABY.
AND STARTS PACKING-- YOU'RE GOING
TO WAKE UP THE BABY.
AND COULD YOU NOT USE YOUR KNEES
FOR EMPHASIS?
THAT'S KIND OF A TRICKY AREA THERE.
THIS IS--
OW.
THIS IS SERIOUS, CHARLIE.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS DOES TO ME.
ALL THIS "I WANT TO BE A FAMILY" CRAP?
SINCE WHEN?
SINCE THE LAST TIME SHE CALLED ME, LIKE,
HALF A YEAR AGO?
OK, SO...
IT'S PAINFUL. I GET THAT. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
SHE'S ALL WE GOT. I MEAN,
WE HAVEN'T HAD A PARENT OR A GRANDPARENT
IN THIS HOUSE FOR, WHAT...
6 YEARS?
CHARLIE, SHE'S JUST--OH.
SHE'S NOT...
OH.
YOU KNOW MY FIRST MEMORY OF CHRISTMAS EVE AS A KID?
I, UH...
I SNUCK DOWNSTAIRS REALLY LATE,
AND I SAW THIS GRAY-HAIRED GUY
STUFFING STOCKINGS,
AND, UH,
FOR A SECOND, I THOUGHT FOR SURE
HE WAS SANTA.
AND THEN HE TURNED AROUND,
AND OF COURSE HE WAS MY DAD'S OLD MAN.
BUT...
I WAS ALMOST AS HAPPY THAT IT WAS HIM,
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THE HOLIDAYS ARE ABOUT.
THEY'RE ABOUT FAMILY GETTING TOGETHER
AND DOING STUFF FOR EACH OTHER.
AND...
I WANT THAT FOR DIANA.
YOU DON'T KNOW HER, CHARLIE.
DAPHNE, SHE'S HERE.
SHE EXISTS, AND SHE WANTS TO BE HERE.
WHICH...
FRANKLY, WE COULD USE SOME OF THAT
AROUND HERE.
OK. QUICK, WHILE HE'S IN THE BATHROOM,
LET ME SHOW YOU.
SARAH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WE'RE LATE
FOR HIS REHEARSAL.
LOOK, I KNOW I SAID WHATEVER HE MADE
FOR CHARLIE
WAS GOING TO BE FINE, BUT THEN I THOUGHT, WHY NOT
SOMETHING NICE INSTEAD?
SO I STAYED UP AND I TURNED HIS PILE OF CLAY
INTO AN AMAZING PAINTED TREE FROG--
OH, MY GOD...
IS THAT ALL THE STUFF...
HOW DID...
DID OWEN...
BAILEY, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
I MEAN, YOU HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING TO HIM.
YOU HAVE TO TALK TO HIM.
NOW?
WHEN PROBABLY THE ONLY REASON
HE DID THIS
IS BECAUSE HE THINKS HIS FAMILY
HATES HIM?
MAYBE HE NEEDS IT.
YOU KNOW, MAYBE HE NEEDS THE ATTENTION.
NO, NOT LIKE THIS. NOT ON CHRISTMAS EVE.
THERE'S GOT TO BE--
BAILEY...
YOU WANT TO SAY ANYTHING?
HEY, CHAMP.
YOU READY FOR THAT REHEARSAL?
WELL, THEN WAIT FOR ME TO GET THERE, CLAUD.
OR GET CHARLIE TO HELP YOU OUT.
I KNOW. I MISS YOU, TOO,
BUT I'LL BE THERE SOON, OK?
OK. BYE.
COME HERE. READ THIS.
OK.
"WORLD WAR II WAS ONLY THAT AFTER PROPAGANDA WARS
WERE FIRST..."
NO, NO, NO.
IF YOU WANT TO ACE THIS THING,
YOU GOT TO--YOU GOT TO SAY SOMETHING
MORE ORIGINAL.
LIKE, UM...
LIKE THE REASON ISOLATIONISTS LOST
WAS BECAUSE THEY...
FOLLOWED THEIR OWN PHILOSOPHY AND
ISOLATED THEMSELVES,
OR--OR SOMETHING. NO. NO, THAT'S GOOD.
THAT'S PERFECT.
TYPE THAT BEFORE YOU FORGET IT.
OK, START PULLING QUOTES.
AND PUT DOWN THE REMOTE. NO MORE
PAY-PER-VIEW PORNO
TILL WE'RE DONE.
HEY, IT'S ONLY SOFT-CORE,
AND WE NEVER WOULD'VE STAYED AWAKE LAST NIGHT
WITHOUT IT.
OK, BUT I'M ABOUT TO WRITE STALIN
INTO A 3-WAY,
SO NOT NOW.
HEY,
LISTEN, UM,
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT WHATEVER YOU'RE MISSING
AT HOME RIGHT NOW...
YOU'RE SAVING MY LIFE.
NED, STOP SAYING THAT.
'CAUSE, REALLY,
YOU'RE PRACTICALLY DOING ME A FAVOR.
DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
SWARMING SHOPPING MALLS AND TANGLED TREE LIGHTS,
YOU KNOW, WHO NEEDS THAT?
I'D MUCH RATHER RELIVE WORLD WAR II.
HEY, HEY, HEY,
COME ON, WAIT, WAIT--
N-N-NO--
NO, WE HAVE TO WORK.
OH. HI.
DID YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO WASH? I'M ABOUT
TO RUN A LOAD OF WHITES.
YOU GOT IT RIGHT THERE. LES' WORK PANTS.
TRY AND FOLD IT ON THE CREASE.
RIGHT.
SORRY.
DO YOU MIND IF I ASK YOU A QUESTION, CHARLIE?
DO YOU LOVE MY LITTLE GIRL?
REALLY? YEAH.
I DO.
I DEFINITELY... THEN WHY DON'T YOU
MARRY HER?
GIVE THE GIRL A RING.
WE KIND OF HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING,
AND, UM...
IT'S COMPLICATED, BUT IT--
Kirsten: CHARLIE...
YOU HAVE GOT TO SEE WHAT SHE'S DOING.
YOU BLOW ON HER MOUTH JUST A LITTLE,
AND SHE MAKES THIS MOST AMAZING
LITTLE FISH FACE.
(CHUCKLING)
HEY. HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE OLD CHRISTMAS LIGHTS?
THESE ARE, LIKE, DEAD.
THEY'RE OVER THERE IN THE CHEST.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
SOME BIKE PARTS,
A NEW GUITAR OR SOMETHING?
A NEW APARTMENT, ACTUALLY.
WHAT?
YOU MEAN...
GRIFFIN.
WELL...
I THINK MY JOB IS DONE HERE.
NOW THAT I'VE RUINED JULIA'S LIFE AND YOURS.
RUINED?
LOOK, CHARLIE TOLD ME
THAT YOU MAY BE HAVING TO STAY BACK.
THAT IS SUCH BULL.
I MEAN, I'D HAVE TO WRITE THEM A LETTER
SAYING WHY I LEFT AND--
AND HOW SORRY I AM.
I MEAN, IT'S--
I CAN'T BELIEVE HE TOLD YOU THAT.
I MEAN, HE ACTUALLY...
I'M GOING TO GO FIND HIM
AND TALK TO HIM--
CLAUDIA, NO, DON'T. PLEASE.
'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT?
CHARLIE'S RIGHT. HE, UH, HE IS.
I MEAN, WHAT AM I DOING HERE, REALLY?
I MEAN, BESIDES SAVING MONEY ON RENT.
I'M...
I'M NOT IN THIS FAMILY.
GRIFFIN--
THIS IS A GOOD THING.
IT IS, BECAUSE...
YOU KNOW,
SOMEBODY HAD TO GIVE ME A PUSH.
I MEAN, JULIA, SHE MOVED ON.
SO SHOULD I.
I MEAN, I SHOULD.
UH, HOW'S THAT TAIL COMING BACK THERE?
I'M HAVING A LOT OF TROUBLE
WITH THE SQUIGGLE. IT WON'T STAY
STUCK OUT.
OK, KIDS?
COULD EVERYONE GATHER AROUND, PLEASE,
FOR JUST A MINUTE?
I FIRST WANT TO SAY
YOU GUYS ARE DOING A GREAT JOB WITH YOUR LINES.
YOU ARE.
BUT WE NEED TO WORK ON WHAT WE'RE FEELING
WHEN YOU'RE SAYING THEM,
OK?
HE'S THE REASON
CHRISTMAS SPIRIT IS ABOUT GIVING
AND ABOUT LOVE.
THAT'S WHY WE CELEBRATE
THE DAY THIS BABY WAS BORN.
YOU GETTING THIS, BUD?
CAN I GO? MY COSTUME'S DONE.
THE DAY THIS SPECIAL BABY CAME,
THE WHOLE WORLD CHANGED.
YOU KNOW WHAT, BAILEY? YOU MAY WANT TO--
NO, NO, NO. HE SHOULD
HEAR THIS,
ABOUT THIS SPECIAL BABY.
NO! LET GO!
OK, EVERYBODY BACK IN THEIR PLACES.
BACK IN YOUR PLACES.
WHAT WAS THAT?
BAILEY,
A SPECIAL BABY?
ONE THAT CHANGES THE WORLD FOR PEOPLE?
WHO DOES THAT REMIND YOU OF
IF YOU'RE OWEN?
OH, NO...
THIS STUPID SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS.
NED, TURN IT OFF. I'M BEGGING YOU.
WHY? YOU'RE ON THE CONCLUSION.
OHH...JUST MUTE IT.
"SO...
"THEREFORE,
IT DENIED... THE BREAST--"
"BEST."
"BEST NATURE OF MAN,
A NATURE THAT NO MERE BORDER
COULD CARESS--"
NNNN...
"UNDRESS."
"REPRESS."
THERE. WE'RE FINISHED.
OK, YOU CAN TURN THE VOLUME BACK
IF YOU WANT--HA!
MM. THANK YOU.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
MERRY CHRISTMAS. OH, MY GOD!
CHRISTMAS EVE!
MY FAMILY.
WHAT--I THOUGHT YOU WANTED--
UH, YOU WANTED TO MISS IT.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
IF I GET BACK NOW, I CAN MAYBE AVOID
MY BROTHER'S "ALL WE HAVE
IS EACH OTHER, JULIA" SPEECH.
OK. UM, OK.
SO, LET ME JUST PRINT THIS OUT,
THEN I'LL CATCH A RIDE BACK TO
CAMPUS WITH YOU.
OK. JUST HURRY UP.
HEY, IF I HIT THE DRUGSTORE
ON MY WAY HOME,
HOW MANY PERSONAL HYGIENE ITEMS WOULD IT TAKE TO EQUAL,
LIKE, A NORMAL PRESENT?
AND DRAFT MODE IS FINE, AND...
NED? ENTER.
ENTER. DAMN!
WHAT'S WRONG?
THE PRINTER. IT--IT...
IT'S NOT RESPONDING.
IT MUST'VE GOTTEN BUMPED IN THE MOVE,
OR IT'S...
IT'S...TOTALLY...
IT'S COOKED!
WAIT. THEN-- THEN--UH...
NO. NO.
FORGET IT.
GO HOME.
I'LL FIND A PRINTER TOMORROW
AND DO IT THEN.
WHATEVER GRADE I GET,
THAT'S LIFE.
NO! YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DIDN'T PULL AN ALL-NIGHTER
FOR YOU TO GET A "D."
NO WAY.
WE'RE FINDING A PRINTER NOW,
AND WE'RE TURNING THIS THING IN...
RIGHT NOW.
OH, KING OF KINGS,
BE THOU...
BE THOU...
(WHISPERING) "Merely a child."
MERELY A CHILD,
STILL I WORSHIP THEE.
RISE, GOOD FRIEND FROM THE EAST,
FOR...
UM...
"Though my son be a king."
THOUGH MY SON BE A KING,
HE BIDS NO MAN KNEEL BEFORE HIM,
BUT...
BUT...
"But loves every man
the same."
BUT...
But loves every man the same, Gina.
BUT...
BUT LOOK!
WHAT?
I DON'T...
WHERE'S THE BABY?
EVERYBODY PLEASE LOOK FOR THE BABY.
I HOPE NOBODY TOOK THIS BABY.
WE'VE GOT A SHOW TO DO HERE, PEOPLE.
HE COULDN'T HAVE.
WHO TOOK HIM?
DOES SOMEBODY HAVE THE BABY?
HE COULDN'T HAVE.
OH, MOM, THERE YOU ARE.
I WAS, UH-- CLAUDIA TOLD ME YOU WERE
TALKING TO KIRSTEN,
AND NOW I CAN'T FIND HER.
THAT'S BECAUSE I SENT HER HOME.
SHE SAID SHE WAS GOING TO STICK AROUND TILL DINNER
'CAUSE I HAVE ALL THIS...
WRAPPING--WHAT?
THIS SUPPOSED TO BE A FAMILY CHRISTMAS,
RIGHT?
AND, I MEAN, THE WAY I TAKE IT IS
SHE CAME MIGHTY CLOSE, BUT...
IN THE END...
WHY DID YOU TELL HER TO GO AWAY?
I NEED HER TONIGHT.
DO I HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT, DARLING?
HA HA! DO I NEED TO WRITE IT IN THE SKY?
SHE'S A FOX IN THE HEN'S HOUSE.
THAT WOMAN IS AFTER YOUR MAN!
MOM!
SHE'S MARRIED!
I KNOW WHAT I SAW, GIRL.
AND TWO PEOPLE THAT FRIENDLY?
WELL...
LOOKS TO ME LIKE THEY HAVE GOT TO BE--
BEST FRIENDS!
SHE'S HIS BEST FRIEND!
AND SHE'S THE REASON WHY I'VE MADE IT
HALF THIS FAR.
AND YOU JUST SENT HER AWAY?
YOU ASKED ME TO BE HERE FOR YOU.
SO I TRY.
GOD! I SEE KIRSTEN, SHE'S, LIKE,
SHE'S, LIKE, MY SALVATION!
AND YOU, YOU JUST SEE--
YOU SEE MAN TRAP, AND IT'S, LIKE...
THAT'S HOW IT ALWAYS IS WITH YOU!
I MEAN, WHATEVER STANDS BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR MAN,
GET RID OF IT, RIGHT?
EVEN IF IT'S YOUR OWN KID, RIGHT?
THE LITTLE BRAT HIDES YOUR DRUNK DATE'S
LIQUOR...
OR SHE--SHE CALLS YOUR CAR THIEF BOYFRIEND
A CAR THIEF
TO HIS FACE...
WELL, WE KNOW WHO'S GOT TO GO.
(FLICKS LIGHTER)
NO, NO, NO!
WAIT, SIR, YOU CAN'T.
YOU'VE GOT TO STAY OPEN ONE MORE SECOND.
IT'S 8:00.
WE'RE CLOSED.
BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. WE'VE BEEN EVERYWHERE.
YOU'RE THE ONLY PRINT SHOP OPEN IN THE CITY.
YEAH. EXCEPT...
WE'RE CLOSED.
NO, NO, NO...
JULIA, JULIA, WAIT. YOU GOT TO BE OPEN!
HOLD ON. YOU GOT TO BE OPEN!
TAKE IT EASY! TAKE IT EASY.
MAYBE--MAYBE WE DON'T HAVE
TO DO THIS NOW. MAYBE WE CAN
JUST GO HOME,
TO THE MOTEL.
WE CAN GET A LITTLE ROOM SERVICE...
TAKE A BATH...
I MEAN, WOULD THAT BE SO TERRIBLE?
YOUR FAMILY WILL UNDERSTAND.
HEY! YOU IN THERE!
DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS?
I SEE YOU IN THERE!
YOU CAN OPEN THIS DOOR FOR 5 EXTRA MINUTES
WHEN IT'S THE SEASON FOR GIVING!
HOW ABOUT A LITTLE GOOD WILL
TOWARDS MEN?
HOW ABOUT A LITTLE PEACE ON EARTH?!
OK. OK.
OK.
GOD.
THANK YOU.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
FOR 3 1/2 MONTHS,
ALL I THOUGHT ABOUT WAS HOME.
OWEN PLAYING IN THE YARD,
PLAYING CATCH,
DIANA SMILING AND GURGLING AND...
OWEN IS AT BAILEY'S, AND JULIA'S A GHOST.
I MEAN, THEY CAN'T EVEN GET IT
TOGETHER
TO SHOW UP FOR CHRISTMAS EVE
DINNER.
WELL.
OVER AT MY HOUSE...
WE WERE LUCKY IF MY, UH,
MY OLD MAN DIDN'T SHOVE ONE OF US
INTO THE CHRISTMAS TREE...
OR COULD GO A WHOLE HOUR WITHOUT, YOU KNOW,
CURSING MY MOM'S MEMORY.
I SHOULD JUST SHUT UP AND DEAL.
NO.
I WAS JUST...
I WAS THINKING.
MAN, I'M--
I'M GOING TO MISS THIS PLACE.
OK, WHY ARE WE DOING THIS WHEN WE KNOW WHO DID IT?
I MEAN, I AM RUINING A PERFECTLY GOOD PAIR
OF STOCKINGS.
BECAUSE WE DON'T KNOW WHO DID IT.
NOT FOR SURE.
BAILEY, LOOK AT HIM.
SARAH, IF HE SAYS HE DIDN'T DO IT
AND WE CAN'T PROVE THAT HE DID IT,
THEN WHAT'S IT GET ME TO ACCUSE HIM?
I DON'T KNOW. THE TRUTH?
NO. YOU'RE WRONG. YOU'RE WRONG.
ALL IT GETS ME IS A NASTY FIGHT
WHERE HE SAYS THAT HE DIDN'T DO IT,
AND I SAY HE'S LYING,
AND PRETTY SOON HE'S CRYING
BECAUSE THAT MEANS THAT MEANS THAT
I DON'T TRUST HIM,
AND FRANKLY, AT THIS POINT,
THE WAY HE'S FEELING ABOUT THIS FAMILY,
I'D RATHER GIVE HIM THE BENEFIT
OF THE DOUBT.
EVEN IF IT MAKES US LATER AND LATER FOR DINNER
TO LOOK FOR A DOLL THAT HE PROBABLY
THREW IN THE TRASH
AN HOUR AGO?
THE TRASH.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. THE TRASH.
I'M SMOKING OUTDOORS, OK?
OR IS THE GREENERY GOING TO GET
LEAF CANCER?
MOM, I DIDN'T COME OUT HERE TO...
LES IS PACKING UPSTAIRS.
IS THAT...
WHAT'S GOING ON, IS HE LEAVING?
WE'RE ON THE 10:20 BUS.
BOTH OF US.
HOLD ON. YOU'RE LEAVING?
BACK TO ABILENE?
LES WAS MISSING HOME, AND...
I'M NOT FEELING QUITE SO WELCOME
AS I THOUGHT I'D BE.
LOOK, I'M SORRY I YELLED AT YOU,
OK, MOM?
BUT THIS IS CHRISTMAS EVE.
TOMORROW IS CHRISTMAS DAY.
WHAT WAS THE POINT OF YOU EVEN COMING
IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE HERE
CHRISTMAS DAY?
WELL, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
BUT THEN I...
I MADE EVERYONE SO UNHAPPY.
LOOK, MOM, DON'T PUT THIS ON ME, OK?
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SHOWED UP
ON MY FRONT PORCH UNANNOUNCED
SAYING, "LET'S BE A FAMILY."
AND, WHAT, THE FIRST TIME I LOOK
AT YOU CROSS-EYED,
I-IT'S OVER?
OH, IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME, DOLL.
OR THE TENTH.
IT'S EVERY TIME.
I TOLD YOU HOW TO HELP ME, MOM.
I TOLD YOU WHAT IT'S LIKE HERE
WITH THIS BABY.
WHEN DID YOU EVER SEE ME CHANGE A DIAPER
OR GIVE A KID A BATH?
YOU DID IT FOR ME, DIDN'T YOU?
THAT'S WHAT I NEED, MOM.
THAT IS WHAT I NEED FROM YOU.
WELL, I'M SORRY
IF I WASN'T PUT ON THIS EARTH
TO SERVE YOU, DOLL,
BUT I WASN'T.
I DIDN'T GET YOU PREGNANT.
YOU DID THAT ALL BY YOURSELF.
AND AS FOR THE REST OF IT...
I NEVER BLAMED YOU FOR BEING BORN.
SO DON'T BLAME ME
FOR EVERYTHING THAT CAME AFTER.
HELLO?!
IN HERE!
HEY, WE'RE HERE.
WE'RE SORRY, BUT WE'RE HERE.
HAVING A FEW MINOR BEHAVIOR ISSUES.
NOT SO MINOR.
HEY, BUDDY. YOU NEED A HUG?
LET GO!
I WANT TO SEE GRIFFIN.
THAT'S, UH, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
HE'S BEEN A LITTLE--
I CAN GUESS.
KEEPING HIM AWAY ALL THIS TIME
DURING CHRISTMAS.
HE'S GOTTA BE READY TO KILL ME.
WELL... NOT KILL, EXACTLY.
OH. THANK GOD SOMEONE'S HERE.
YOU KNOW, LET'S JUST-- LET'S JUST START
WITHOUT JULIA.
LAST TIME SHE CALLED SHE WAS STILL AN HOUR AWAY.
REALLY, CLAUD? YOU DON'T WANT TO WAIT
FOR JULIA?
OK, YOU KNOW WHAT? WE COULD JUST, UH--
YEAH, WE COULD WAIT FOREVER.
YEAH, WE'LL HAVE CHRISTMAS SOMETIME AROUND EASTER.
YOU KNOW, SINCE NO ONE HAS TIME FOR THE TREE,
NO ONE HAS TIME FOR THE MEAL,
AND, OH, I'M SURE WE'LL ALL COME UP WITH
REAL GOOD EXCUSES
WHEN IT COMES TIME FOR STOCKINGS,
SO WHY DON'T WE, YOU KNOW, JUST SPARE OURSELVES
THE POINT OF PRETENDING
AND JUST BLOW THE WHOLE THING OFF, OK?
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
INSTEAD OF THAT, WHILE WE'RE WAITING
ON JULIA,
WHO I'M SURE IS COMING,
IN OUR HOUSE ON CHRISTMAS EVE
WE ALWAYS GOT TO OPEN ONE PRESENT EACH.
OK, GREAT. YES, LET'S DO THAT.
SO WHAT IF MY TURKEY'S AGING LIKE THE PORTRAIT
OF DORIAN GRAY.
IS THERE ONE FOR ME?
NOT SO FAST, BUDDY, YOU AND ME HAVE
TO HAVE A LITTLE...
WHOA! 2 PACKAGES!
AND ONE'S BATTERIES.
CLAUD, LOOKS LIKE A SWEATER FOR YOU.
WELL, COULD YOU AT LEAST LET ME
UNWRAP IT FIRST?
SARAH.
REALLY? ONE FOR ME? YEAH.
BAY.
THANKS.
AND...DAPHNE.
WHERE'S DAPH?
I THINK I SAW HER GO UPSTAIRS.
WELL, YOU GET ONE, TOO, CHARLIE.
WHAT, YOU CAN'T FIND ONE OVER THERE?
CLAUDIA, DIDN'T YOU GET YOUR BROTHER A PRESENT?
DIDN'T YOU?
IT'S OK. SOMETHING WILL TURN UP TOMORROW.
NO. COME ON, THERE'S GOTTA BE SOMETHING.
OH, WAIT. HERE'S SOMETHING.
IT'S FROM GRIFFIN.
YEAH, IT'S RIGHT HERE.
BUILDING 115.
YOU JUST LEAVE IT IN THE BOX?
HOW'S HE GONNA KNOW WHEN IT CAME IN?
HE SAID HE WAS GONNA CHECK THE BOX BEFORE MIDNIGHT.
ON CHRISTMAS EVE? WHY WOULD HE--
IS THIS MEMO--
DID YOU SEE THIS NOTE? IT'S FOR YOUR CLASS.
YEAH. FORGET IT, JULE.
I MEAN, THE PAPER'S IN. LET'S--
WHY DON'T YOU LET ME DRIVE YOU HOME?
IT SAYS LATE PAPERS
WILL GET A 2-DAY GRACE PERIOD
OVER THE HOLIDAYS.
I COULD STAY AT MY PARENTS' HOUSE TONIGHT
AND MAYBE DROP BY YOUR PLACE TOMORROW.
HOW COULD YOU NOT HAVE SEEN THIS, NED?
IT'S DATED A WEEK AGO.
WHAT? I MEAN, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
WELL, I STAYED AN EXTRA DAY TO SAVE YOUR
GRADE POINT AVERAGE.
IT WOULD'VE BEEN NICE TO KNOW IF--IF...
WHAT?
YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS, DIDN'T YOU?
JULIA, COME ON.
YOU KEPT SAYING DON'T LEAVE.
DON'T LEAVE, BUT YOU FIXED IT SO I WOULDN'T.
I HAD TO WRITE THE PAPER, JULIA.
DID YOU MAKE THE REST UP, TOO?
LIKE THE PRINTING PLACE, THE WAY YOU SAID
YOU CALLED ALL AROUND
AND THEY WERE CLOSED, BUT WHEN WE FOUND ONE
AND IT WAS OPEN, YOU DIDN'T EVEN TRY
TO GET IN.
SO I WASN'T READY TO BREAK THE DOOR DOWN.
SO WHAT?
AND WHAT ABOUT ALL THE OTHER STUFF?
YOUR PRINTER BREAKING.
YOU'RE LIKE JOE COMPUTER.
THAT TIME YOU HACKED ON TO MY MACHINE?
BUT TONIGHT, YOU GAVE UP IN HALF A SECOND...
BECAUSE YOU--
YOU DIDN'T WANT TO FINISH, DID YOU?
DID YOU?!
JUL--
GOD! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU, NED?!
DID YOU THINK YOU WERE BEING ROMANTIC
OR SOMETHING?
DID YOU THINK THIS WAS WHAT I WANTED?
'CAUSE I HAVE BROTHERS AND SISTERS AT HOME,
AND FOR THE LAST DAY AND A HALF,
YOU'VE JUST BEEN SITTING THERE WATCHING ME--
NO, MAKING ME-- LIE TO THEM!
OH...
BAILEY, NO!
SIT DOWN.
OWEN. OWEN, SIT DOWN.
WHY?
TELL ME WHAT THIS IS.
I'M BUSY.
NO. YOU'RE NOT BUSY. YOU'RE TALKING
TO ME NOW.
YOU STOLE THIS FROM THE CHURCH,
AND THEN YOU LIED ABOUT IT,
AND THOSE ARE VERY BAD THINGS.
OWEN, VERY BAD.
WHY? IT'S JUST A STUPID PLASTIC BABY.
BECAUSE THIS BABY MATTERS TO PEOPLE.
AND IF IT DOESN'T MATTER TO YOU,
THAT'S NO EXCUSE. YOU RESPECT WHAT MATTERS
TO OTHER PEOPLE,
BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY PERSON
IN THIS WORLD.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
NOW, WE'RE GOING TO CALL THAT CHURCH,
AND WE'RE GOING TO TELL THEM THAT
YOU TOOK THIS BABY.
BAILEY, NO!
YES! YES! AND THEN TOMORROW,
YOU'RE GOING TO GO BACK THERE IN
THE MORNING WITH ME
AND YOU'RE GOING NO! TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY
TO THEIR FACES.
NO, I DON'T WANT TO, BAILEY. PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME.
AND THEN WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT WHAT'S
GOING ON WITH YOU.
LISTEN TO ME!
ALL THIS JUNK YOU'VE BEEN PULLING.
THAT STUFF OF SARAH'S THAT YOU BROKE?
YOU THINK BECAUSE THERE'S ANOTHER BABY
IN THIS FAMILY
THAT YOU COULD DO WHATEVER YOU WANT?
YOU THINK BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT GETTING
ENOUGH ATTENTION
YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING?
WELL, YOU'RE WRONG.
SO, YOU'D BETTER START BEHAVING,
OWEN,
BECAUSE I AM GOING TO BE WATCHING
EVERYTHING YOU DO.
YOU HEAR ME?
(CRYING)
DO YOU?
WHAT WAS IT LIKE BACK THEN
WHEN I WAS DIANA'S AGE?
WAS IT HARD FOR YOU TO GO TO WORK EVERY DAY?
DID YOU MISS ME WHEN I WASN'T THERE?
WHAT ARE YOU--WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THIS?
BECAUSE I'M CURIOUS.
I WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU FELT...
WHEN YOU WENT TO WORK OR WHEN YOU WENT OUT AT NIGHT.
LOOK, UH, I DON'T WANT TO TALK ANYMORE ABOUT
HOW IT'S ALL MY FAULT.
BECAUSE I WANT TO KNOW IF IT'S THE SAME WAY
THAT I FEEL...
ABOUT DIANA.
I WANT TO KNOW IF IT WAS AS EASY FOR YOU TO LEAVE
AS IT IS FOR ME.
I DON'T KNOW.
'CAUSE... WHEN I LOOK AT...
MY BABY
AND I WONDER WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
IF SOMETHING WERE TO TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME,
OR IF I'D HAVE TO LIVE THE REST OF MY LIFE
WITHOUT HER, AND...
I WOULD BE OK.
I WOULD ACTUALLY BE OK.
SO, I'VE BEEN THINKING THAT MAYBE THAT'S WHY...
I AM SO MAD AT YOU.
BECAUSE...WE'RE REALLY NO DIFFERENT FROM ONE ANOTHER,
WHICH IS EXACTLY-- I MEAN, THAT IS HOW
IT HAPPENS.
A PERSON, A PARENT...
WHO DOESN'T LOVE THEIR KIDS,
THEY HAVE KIDS WHO GROW UP THE SAME...
AND SO ON AND SO ON.
AND THAT FEELS BAD, MOM, TO BE A PART OF THAT.
THAT FEELS REALLY, REALLY BAD.
SO, WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHAT'S GOING ON IS HE'S UP THERE CRYING HIS EYES OUT.
HE WON'T EVEN LET ME IN.
HE WON'T EVEN TALK TO ME.
BAILEY, SOMEBODY HAD TO TELL HIM.
NO. NO. IT WAS THE WRONG THING TO DO,
BECAUSE NOW HE'S UP THERE BAWLING,
AND HIS CHRISTMAS IS RUINED.
AND HE WAS DOING OK BEFORE I TALKED TO HIM.
HE WAS DOING MUCH BETTER, JUST BEING HOME WITH EVERYONE.
HE WASN'T DOING ANYTHING WRONG OR ANYTHING.
LOOK, BAILEY, I SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD YOU.
I MEAN...GOD, I AM DEFINITELY NOT A MOTHER.
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THESE THINGS.
HE WON'T EVEN SPEAK TO ME.
IT WAS A MISTAKE.
DOREEN. CAN I SAY SOMETHING?
GIVE US A SEC, LESTER?
ALL RIGHT.
LISTEN, SWEETHEART, YOU REALLY SHOULD
SAVE YOUR BREATH.
I CAN'T.
I CAN'T. I--BECAUSE WHEN YOU SHOWED UP HERE
AND YOU SAID, LET'S BE A FAMILY,
I BELIEVED THAT.
SO, PLEASE, DON'T-- DON'T GO.
TALK TO MY DAUGHTER, CHARLIE.
NO. I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED IN THE PAST.
I CARE ABOUT RIGHT NOW.
I CARE ABOUT HAVING SOMEONE IN THIS HOUSE FOR MY DAUGHTER.
SHE NEEDS THAT, AND SHE DOESN'T HAVE THAT
BECAUSE HER MOM...
DAPHNE'S HAVING TROUBLE FEELING--
CHARLIE, I--
NO. I KNOW THE TWO OF YOU ARE MAD. I KNOW THAT,
BUT WHEN WE GET MAD IN MY FAMILY,
WE HAVE THIS RULE, WHICH IS,
"GO AHEAD, STAY MAD IF YOU WANT, BUT JUST STAY."
YOU KNOW?
IS ONE OF YOU GONNA DRIVE US
TO THE BUS STOP,
OR AM I GONNA HAVE TO CALL A CAB?
WELL...DUH. 3 EXTRA HOURS IN THE OVEN. I KNEW IT.
AH, I BET YOU COULD BOUNCE BALL BEARINGS ON MY POTATOES.
LOOK, IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD, CLAUD.
NO! IT'S JUST THE END OF THIS DINNER.
WELL, MAYBE IT'S FOR THE BEST...
IF WE JUST CALL THIS WHOLE THING OFF.
WHAT?
OH, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO.
WE WILL NOT CALL THIS OFF.
WHEN THIS FAMILY HAS THE OPPORTUNITY
TO SIT AROUND A TABLE
LIKE WE USED TO ONCE A WEEK?
I MEAN, CHRISTMAS EVE, A PROPER CHRISTMAS EVE
MEANS STOCKINGS AND THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
AND A COOKIE ON THE HEARTH FOR SANTA.
AND WE ARE GOING TO DO THIS ONE THING RIGHT
OR JUST DIE TRYING!
SO, I'M GOING TO GO OUT AND BUY OUR CHRISTMAS EVE
DINNER.
EVEN IF IT'S TURKEY JERKY FROM THE MINIMART.
CLAUDIA, THAT'S VERY-- IT'S VERY MOVING,
BUT I'M WAY TOO BEAT TO SIT AROUND HERE
AND WAIT ANYMORE.
AND BESIDES, I GOTTA BE UP AT DAWN.
THE RESTAURANT'S HAVING THIS HOLIDAY BRUNCH,
SO...I HAVE TO GET HOME.
HAVE TO GET HOME.
WE'LL SEE YA.
I CAN'T--I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE DOING
THIS FOR CHRISTMAS.
CLAUD, WE'RE GONNA BE BACK FOR BREAKFAST
IN LIKE AN HOUR.
Owen: BAILEY!
OWEN.
HEY.
YOU OK?
WE'RE GONNA GO NOW, BUT WE'LL BE BACK TOMORROW, OK?
I'M COMING WITH YOU.
WHOA.
NO, NO, NO. YOU SHOULD STAY HERE.
WE'RE GONNA BE BACK IN THE MORNING. IT'S OK.
BUT I WANT TO COME WITH YOU.
HEY, BUDDY, YOU CAN STAY HERE. IT'S OK.
WE'LL GET UP IN THE MORNING TOGETHER
AND OPEN STOCKINGS LIKE WE ALWAYS DO.
I WANT TO STAY WITH BAILEY.
I'M GONNA GET MY STUFF,
AND I'M GONNA GO WITH BAILEY.
HE'S JUST A LITTLE OFF, YOU KNOW,
WITH ALL THE EXCITEMENT AND EVERYTHING.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN IT.
I GET IT.
HE'S GONNA BE BEGGING TO COME BACK HERE.
SOON AS YOU'RE READY TO TAKE HIM.
YEAH. I KNOW.
SOON.
YEAH.
SORRY. JUST...
SAW A LIGHT ON.
DON'T SWEAT IT. IT'S YOUR HOUSE.
CAN I, UH, COME IN FOR A MINUTE?
(BABY CRIES)
SHH, SHH, SHH.
HELLO!
IS EVERYBODY IN THE--
KITCHEN?
CHARLIE?
BAILEY?
CLAUD?
SANTA?
I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR THE SCRAPBOOK. I, UH...
SPENT, LIKE, AN HOUR, AND I HAVEN'T...
GOTTEN TO THE END YET.
REALLY?
YEAH.
THAT BIOPSY YOU PUT IN THERE,
THE ONE THAT-- THAT CLEARED ME?
IT JUST REMINDED ME THAT...
WHEN THAT HAPPENED, I...
I WANTED OUT OF HERE SO BAD.
JUST, UH...
HIT THE ROAD
AND START MY LIFE OVER AGAIN, BUT...
I'M A FAMILY MAN.
AND, UM... ALL I KEEP THINKING
IS THAT...
YOU DON'T HAVE THAT.
YOU'RE AS FREE AS A BIRD,
BUT YOU...STAY ANYWAY.
SO THE...
THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY
WANT TO BE HERE
ARE YOU AND CLAUDIA,
AND I'M, LIKE...
PUSHING YOU AWAY.
AND EVERYONE ELSE,
THE PEOPLE WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO BE FAMILY,
WHO ACTUALLY SHARE MY DAUGHTER'S BLOOD...
THEY CAN'T WAIT TO LEAVE.
IT JUST MAKES ME THINK THAT...
IF YOU'RE NOT FAMILY, I DON'T KNOW WHO IS.
IF YOU EVER GET OUT TO ABILENE...
I'LL CALL YOU.
SO...
BE HAPPY, DOLL.
YEAH, YOU, TOO.
WINDOW'S RIGHT OVER THERE.
HUH?
IF YOU WANT TO BUY A TICKET.
ARE YOU BUYING A TICKET?
HEY.
JULIA.
WHAT ARE YOU, UH,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK?
I DROVE TO MY HOUSE, AND...
I RAN UP THE STAIRS...
AND I WENT INSIDE, BUT NOBODY WAS THERE.
BUT THEN I--I STARTED LOOKING AROUND, AND...
EVERYTHING THAT I SAW...
IT REMINDED ME OF ALL THIS STUFF.
THE--THE CANCER AND--AND ALL THIS...
STUFF WE WENT THROUGH.
AND I LOVE THEM ALL, AND...
IT'S NOBODY'S FAULT, BUT...
I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO ALL THAT STUFF.
LOOK, JULIA--
I'M NOT FORGIVING YOU, NED.
'CAUSE I'M STILL REALLY MAD AT YOU,
SO DON'T TRY TO--
NO.
'CAUSE I DIDN'T COME HERE
TO FORGIVE YOU.
I CAME HERE TO...
WHAT YOU DID WAS SO...
NO ONE'S EVER WORKED...
SO HARD TO KEEP ME AROUND.
AND, I MEAN, I HA--I...
I HATE HOW YOU DID IT.
AND I DON'T EVER WANT YOU TO PULL A MOVE LIKE THAT
AGAIN, EVER.
BUT...
THANK YOU.
GIVE ME THOSE EGG ROLLS.
I AM STARVING.
SOMEBODY OPENED THEM ALREADY.
OH. YEAH. SORRY.
GROSS.
HEY, GET GRIFFIN A PRESENT.
OK.
NO WAY.
OH. MY HANDS-- THEY'RE SO GREASY.
THANK YOU.
JUST A LITTLE GIFT.
♪ THIS CHRISTMAS ♪
♪ SANTA COME HOME ♪
♪ FOR ONCE MRS. CLAUS ♪
OH, THANK GOD YOU BROUGHT FOOD.
BARELY ENOUGH TO FEED THIS HOUSE ANYMORE.
WHERE'S DAPHNE?
SHE'S IN THE LIVING ROOM.
SHE'S KIND OF A...MESS.
IS DIANA SLEEPING?
I JUST PUT HER DOWN, AND SHE'S TAKING A NAP,
BUT, UH, CHARLIE,
SHOULD I SERVE DINNER? 'CAUSE THERE'S A LOT
OF HUNGRY PEOPLE AROUND HERE
ALL OF A SUDDEN.
CLAUD, IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK,
OK?
NO AMOUNT OF GOOD DEEDS IS GOING
TO FIX WHAT YOU DID.
NO, CHARLIE, THAT'S NOT WHAT--
NOW, IF YOU WANT TO MAKE IT RIGHT,
YOU SHOULD GET ON THE PHONE
AND CALL HANOVER
AND BEG THEM TO TAKE YOU BACK
AFTER CHRISTMAS.
FORGET IT, CHARLIE.
I'M NOT GOING BACK THERE, SO...
IF YOU WANT TO BE MAD AT ME TILL THE MILLENNIUM,
THAT'S FINE.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT,
A LOT OF PEOPLE?
WE'RE NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE.
OH, YOU'RE HOME. UM--
IT'S OK. I--I GOT THE BABY.
JUST RELAX.
GO OUT, DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. I MEAN,
IF YOU'RE NOT UP TO IT,
YOU'RE NOT UP TO IT.
THIS CAME OFF THE CHAIR FROM YOUR ROOM.
LES THOUGHT IT WAS A RECLINER, SO WE...
FORCED IT A LITTLE.
OH. CHAIRS OUGHT
TO HAVE A LABEL OR SOMETHING
SO THIS DON'T HAPPEN
TO PEOPLE.
MOM! YOU BETTER NOT HAVE BEEN UNPACKING.
I TOLD YOU NOT TO UNPACK UNTIL
I TALKED TO CHARLIE.
YOU'RE...YOU'RE DAPHNE'S MOM?
I'M--I'M CHARLIE SALINGER.
DOREEN JABLONSKY.
SUCH A PLEASURE.
AND THIS IS LESTER PERCH, MY...
WELL, MY VERY GOOD FRIEND.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
HOW ARE YOU? GOOD.
IF I CAN JUST GET THAT REMOTE THERE,
LITTLE LADY.
THANK YOU.
THEY DON'T HAVE TO STAY, YOU KNOW.
WE DIDN'T INVITE THEM OR ANYTHING.
AS SOON AS I HEARD THAT DIANA WAS BORN,
I JUST--I JUST HAD TO GET OVER HERE
AND MEET MY LITTLE GRANDCHILD.
THEY JUST SORT OF SHOWED UP
OUT OF NOWHERE.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? IT'S CHRISTMAS, DAPHNE,
AND SHE'S YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR FAMILY.
OF COURSE THEY'LL STAY-- FINE.
THEN THEY CAN STAY IN THE ATTIC
OR THE GARAGE.
THEY'LL STAY IN OUR ROOM.
WE'LL--WE'LL SLEEP WITH THE BABY.
SUCH A GENTLEMAN.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS IS THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.
THE HOLIDAYS.
REALLY. GRANDPARENTS,
GRANDKIDS, I MEAN, A HOUSE FULL OF FAMILY...
I MEAN...
ISN'T THIS THE WAY IT SHOULD BE?
♪ EVERYBODY WANTS TO LIVE ♪
♪ LIKE THEY WANNA LIVE ♪
♪ AND EVERYBODY WANTS TO LOVE ♪
♪ LIKE THEY WANNA LOVE ♪
♪ EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE ♪
♪ CLOSER TO FREE-EE-EE ♪
♪ CLOSER TO FREE ♪
CHRISTMAS IS 10 DAYS, JULIA.
10 DAYS.
WOW.
NED, BUT WE CAN SEE EACH OTHER
OVER THE BREAK.
THE DRIVE'S, WHAT, ONLY 40, 50 MINUTES.
YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO BE AT HOME
WITH YOUR SISTER AND THE BABY
AND EVERYONE.
I MEAN, THE DORM,
THEY'VE ALREADY TURNED OFF THE HEAT.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WANT TO VISIT.
WAIT.
YOU MEAN HERE? YOU'RE NOT
GOING HOME?
I THOUGHT YOU KNEW THAT.
MY POLI SCI PAPER WAS DUE, LIKE, YESTERDAY,
AND IT'S 5 POINTS OFF FOR EVERY DAY LATE.
MAN...
SO...
ONCE I'VE MISSED CHRISTMAS, I MIGHT AS WELL STAY
AND START CRAMMING FOR FINALS.
NED, THAT'S SO DEPRESSING.
WELL...
IT'S MAINLY THAT I'M MISSING YOU
THAT BUMS ME.
MM...
OK, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DON'T CARE IF IT BOTHERS YOU.
I AM CALLING YOU
EVERY OTHER MINUTE, DAY AND NIGHT,
SO YOU BETTER NEVER LEAVE THE PHONE.
SURE.
THAT'S GREAT. NEVER.
OH, GOSH, GRANDMA TO A GREAT BIG NEW FAMILY!
WHAT A HOOT! WHOO! (CLAPS)
REMEMBER HOW YOU USED TO LOVE THE ZOO?
I HATED THE ZOO, MOM.
I USED TO CRY AND BEG YOU TO LEAVE.
YOU KNOW, LES IS A BIG SOFTIE.
WHEREVER WE GO ANYWHERE,
FIRST THING HE WANTS TO DO IS JUST FIND
THE BABOONS, YOU KNOW,
AND THEN JUST LAUGH WHILE THEY DO
THEIR BUSINESS.
SHE'S NOT NEARLY OLD ENOUGH TO GO
TO THE ZOO YET.
SHE'S BARELY SEEING COLORS.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE SNAPS?
NEXT YEAR'S CHRISTMAS CARD.
BESIDES, I ALREADY PROMISED LES.
MOM!
I TOLD YOU A HUNDRED TIMES
NOT TO LIGHT UP
IN FRONT OF THE BABY!
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH ME?
I FORGOT LES' FOAMER.
I PROMISED HIM A GAME BEER HALF A QUARTER AGO,
AND HERE I AM, BABBLING LIKE A MONKEY.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL GET IT.
NO, NO, I CAN GET--
NO, YOU TWO STAY AND TALK.
NO, YOU-- I GOT IT.
ISN'T HE NICE?
LISTEN, CHARLIE,
I KNOW YOU'RE STILL PISSED ABOUT
THE CLAUDIA THING,
AND I SORT OF CAN'T HELP BUT HEAR
FROM THE SHED
WHEN YOU GIVE HER HELL.
WELL, TRY, 'CAUSE IT'S REALLY
NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
IF YOU'D HAVE JUST HEARD
WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR HER THERE, MAN,
MAYBE YOU WOULD'VE--
NO, I WOULDN'T.
I WOULDN'T HAVE JUST YANKED HER OUT
WITHOUT TELLING ANYBODY.
BECAUSE NOW THE SCHOOL IS PISSED,
AND THEY MIGHT NOT RELEASE HER TRANSCRIPT,
WHICH MEANS THAT SHE MIGHT HAVE TO TAKE
THE WHOLE YEAR OVER AGAIN.
REALLY?
YEAH. REALLY.
SO PLEASE DON'T TELL ME
WHEN I CAN OR CAN'T BE MAD
OR HOW I SHOULD BE TAKING CARE OF
MY LITTLE SISTER,
'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT, GRIFFIN?
YOU SLEEP HERE,
AND YOU GET YOUR MAIL HERE,
BUT YOUR SHARING AN ADDRESS DOESN'T MAKE YOU FAMILY.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
OH, MAN, IT'S COLD IN HERE!
I THINK IT'S ACTUALLY COLDER
THAN IT IS OUTSIDE.
JULIA, I REALLY, UH,
I--I CAN'T RIGHT NOW.
IF I COULD JUST TROUBLE YOU
FOR A KISS GOOD-BYE.
I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING.
OK.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
I'M FINE.
I'M IN TROUBLE HERE.
WHAT, W-WITH POLI SCI?
NED, COME ON, IF YOU GET A "B",
THAT'S 85 POINTS MINUS 10 FOR BEING LATE.
WHICH BRINGS ME TO A "D" OVERALL
WHEN YOU AVERAGE IN THE MIDTERM,
WHICH MAKES MY G.P.A. 1.9,
WHICH PUTS ME ON ACADEMIC PROBATION.
WAIT...WHY DID I...
I THOUGHT YOU WERE DOING OK.
I KNOW. I JUST...
AH, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MULTITASK
LIKE YOU.
I MEAN, YOU SPEND ALL THIS TIME
WITH ME AND...
THEN CRAM AND PULL OFF As,
AND ME, I JUST...
I CAN'T.
BUT, LISTEN, GO.
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, YOU--YOU SHOULD GO.
NO, I-I'M NOT. I'M GOING TO, UH--
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO?
I'M GOING TO... BLOW OFF DINNER AT HOME,
AND I'M GOING TO SPEND THE NIGHT
WITH YOU HERE,
AND I'M GOING TO WORK
ON YOUR PAPER. JULIA, NO.
AND YOU'RE GOING TO GET AN "A," AND YOU'RE GOING
TO STAY OFF PROBATION,
AND WE'RE BOTH GOING TO GET TO GO HOME
AND HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO THIS.
AND I'M JUST GOING TO ASK YOU FOR ONE THING.
IN THE FUTURE, DON'T USE ME AS AN EXCUSE
FOR NOT WORKING,
'CAUSE... I--I DON'T WANT TO...
FEEL GUILTY FOR SPENDING TIME WITH YOU.
OK?
AND ONE MORE THING.
I'M GOING TO INSIST THAT WE GET A ROOM
SOMEWHERE,
'CAUSE ICELANDIANS COULDN'T STUDY
IN THIS COLD.
OK, SO I DON'T WANT TO GLOAT OR ANYTHING,
BUT THIS PENCIL HOLDER THAT I'M MAKING
IS ACTUALLY GOING TO BE ABLE TO HOLD PENCILS.
NICE.
HEY.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, OWE?
YOU'RE NOT DONE WITH CHARLIE'S PRESENT YET.
YES, I AM.
BUT IT'S BARELY EVEN...
IT'S NOT...
WHATEVER IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE.
IS EXACTLY WHAT IT IS.
'CAUSE, YOU KNOW,
THERE IS NO GOOD OR BAD WHEN YOU'RE MAKING
A PRESENT,
SO IF OWEN SAYS THAT IT'S DONE,
THEN IT'S DONE.
OK.
SO WHAT'D YOU MAKE THERE...
FOR CHARLIE? WHAT'S YOUR PILE
OF CLAY SUPPOSED TO BE?
A PILE OF CLAY.
WHICH IS COMPLETELY FINE.
BECAUSE YOU MADE IT ESPECIALLY FOR
YOUR BROTHER,
AND YOU HAD A LOT OF FUN DOING IT, RIGHT?
I KNOW WHAT EVERYONE'S DOING.
OK?
EVERYONE'S PRETENDING. LIKE ME STAYING OVER,
LIKE IT'S ALL SOME SPECIAL TREAT.
BUT I KNOW WHY I'M STILL HERE.
IT'S 'CAUSE THEY DON'T WANT ME BACK.
BECAUSE OF THE BABY.
THAT'S ALL.
IF SHE SAYS "MY OOGIE BOOGIE BASTARD GRANDCHILD"
ONE MORE TIME, I'M--
SHH...
SHE CAN HEAR YOU.
GOOD. I HOPE SHE DOES.
I HOPE SHE HEARS ME--
THE BABY.
AND STARTS PACKING-- YOU'RE GOING
TO WAKE UP THE BABY.
AND COULD YOU NOT USE YOUR KNEES
FOR EMPHASIS?
THAT'S KIND OF A TRICKY AREA THERE.
THIS IS--
OW.
THIS IS SERIOUS, CHARLIE.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS DOES TO ME.
ALL THIS "I WANT TO BE A FAMILY" CRAP?
SINCE WHEN?
SINCE THE LAST TIME SHE CALLED ME, LIKE,
HALF A YEAR AGO?
OK, SO...
IT'S PAINFUL. I GET THAT. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
SHE'S ALL WE GOT. I MEAN,
WE HAVEN'T HAD A PARENT OR A GRANDPARENT
IN THIS HOUSE FOR, WHAT...
6 YEARS?
CHARLIE, SHE'S JUST--OH.
SHE'S NOT...
OH.
YOU KNOW MY FIRST MEMORY OF CHRISTMAS EVE AS A KID?
I, UH...
I SNUCK DOWNSTAIRS REALLY LATE,
AND I SAW THIS GRAY-HAIRED GUY
STUFFING STOCKINGS,
AND, UH,
FOR A SECOND, I THOUGHT FOR SURE
HE WAS SANTA.
AND THEN HE TURNED AROUND,
AND OF COURSE HE WAS MY DAD'S OLD MAN.
BUT...
I WAS ALMOST AS HAPPY THAT IT WAS HIM,
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THE HOLIDAYS ARE ABOUT.
THEY'RE ABOUT FAMILY GETTING TOGETHER
AND DOING STUFF FOR EACH OTHER.
AND...
I WANT THAT FOR DIANA.
YOU DON'T KNOW HER, CHARLIE.
DAPHNE, SHE'S HERE.
SHE EXISTS, AND SHE WANTS TO BE HERE.
WHICH...
FRANKLY, WE COULD USE SOME OF THAT
AROUND HERE.
OK. QUICK, WHILE HE'S IN THE BATHROOM,
LET ME SHOW YOU.
SARAH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WE'RE LATE
FOR HIS REHEARSAL.
LOOK, I KNOW I SAID WHATEVER HE MADE
FOR CHARLIE
WAS GOING TO BE FINE, BUT THEN I THOUGHT, WHY NOT
SOMETHING NICE INSTEAD?
SO I STAYED UP AND I TURNED HIS PILE OF CLAY
INTO AN AMAZING PAINTED TREE FROG--
OH, MY GOD...
IS THAT ALL THE STUFF...
HOW DID...
DID OWEN...
BAILEY, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
I MEAN, YOU HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING TO HIM.
YOU HAVE TO TALK TO HIM.
NOW?
WHEN PROBABLY THE ONLY REASON
HE DID THIS
IS BECAUSE HE THINKS HIS FAMILY
HATES HIM?
MAYBE HE NEEDS IT.
YOU KNOW, MAYBE HE NEEDS THE ATTENTION.
NO, NOT LIKE THIS. NOT ON CHRISTMAS EVE.
THERE'S GOT TO BE--
BAILEY...
YOU WANT TO SAY ANYTHING?
HEY, CHAMP.
YOU READY FOR THAT REHEARSAL?
WELL, THEN WAIT FOR ME TO GET THERE, CLAUD.
OR GET CHARLIE TO HELP YOU OUT.
I KNOW. I MISS YOU, TOO,
BUT I'LL BE THERE SOON, OK?
OK. BYE.
COME HERE. READ THIS.
OK.
"WORLD WAR II WAS ONLY THAT AFTER PROPAGANDA WARS
WERE FIRST..."
NO, NO, NO.
IF YOU WANT TO ACE THIS THING,
YOU GOT TO--YOU GOT TO SAY SOMETHING
MORE ORIGINAL.
LIKE, UM...
LIKE THE REASON ISOLATIONISTS LOST
WAS BECAUSE THEY...
FOLLOWED THEIR OWN PHILOSOPHY AND
ISOLATED THEMSELVES,
OR--OR SOMETHING. NO. NO, THAT'S GOOD.
THAT'S PERFECT.
TYPE THAT BEFORE YOU FORGET IT.
OK, START PULLING QUOTES.
AND PUT DOWN THE REMOTE. NO MORE
PAY-PER-VIEW PORNO
TILL WE'RE DONE.
HEY, IT'S ONLY SOFT-CORE,
AND WE NEVER WOULD'VE STAYED AWAKE LAST NIGHT
WITHOUT IT.
OK, BUT I'M ABOUT TO WRITE STALIN
INTO A 3-WAY,
SO NOT NOW.
HEY,
LISTEN, UM,
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT WHATEVER YOU'RE MISSING
AT HOME RIGHT NOW...
YOU'RE SAVING MY LIFE.
NED, STOP SAYING THAT.
'CAUSE, REALLY,
YOU'RE PRACTICALLY DOING ME A FAVOR.
DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
SWARMING SHOPPING MALLS AND TANGLED TREE LIGHTS,
YOU KNOW, WHO NEEDS THAT?
I'D MUCH RATHER RELIVE WORLD WAR II.
HEY, HEY, HEY,
COME ON, WAIT, WAIT--
N-N-NO--
NO, WE HAVE TO WORK.
OH. HI.
DID YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO WASH? I'M ABOUT
TO RUN A LOAD OF WHITES.
YOU GOT IT RIGHT THERE. LES' WORK PANTS.
TRY AND FOLD IT ON THE CREASE.
RIGHT.
SORRY.
DO YOU MIND IF I ASK YOU A QUESTION, CHARLIE?
DO YOU LOVE MY LITTLE GIRL?
REALLY? YEAH.
I DO.
I DEFINITELY... THEN WHY DON'T YOU
MARRY HER?
GIVE THE GIRL A RING.
WE KIND OF HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING,
AND, UM...
IT'S COMPLICATED, BUT IT--
Kirsten: CHARLIE...
YOU HAVE GOT TO SEE WHAT SHE'S DOING.
YOU BLOW ON HER MOUTH JUST A LITTLE,
AND SHE MAKES THIS MOST AMAZING
LITTLE FISH FACE.
(CHUCKLING)
HEY. HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE OLD CHRISTMAS LIGHTS?
THESE ARE, LIKE, DEAD.
THEY'RE OVER THERE IN THE CHEST.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
SOME BIKE PARTS,
A NEW GUITAR OR SOMETHING?
A NEW APARTMENT, ACTUALLY.
WHAT?
YOU MEAN...
GRIFFIN.
WELL...
I THINK MY JOB IS DONE HERE.
NOW THAT I'VE RUINED JULIA'S LIFE AND YOURS.
RUINED?
LOOK, CHARLIE TOLD ME
THAT YOU MAY BE HAVING TO STAY BACK.
THAT IS SUCH BULL.
I MEAN, I'D HAVE TO WRITE THEM A LETTER
SAYING WHY I LEFT AND--
AND HOW SORRY I AM.
I MEAN, IT'S--
I CAN'T BELIEVE HE TOLD YOU THAT.
I MEAN, HE ACTUALLY...
I'M GOING TO GO FIND HIM
AND TALK TO HIM--
CLAUDIA, NO, DON'T. PLEASE.
'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT?
CHARLIE'S RIGHT. HE, UH, HE IS.
I MEAN, WHAT AM I DOING HERE, REALLY?
I MEAN, BESIDES SAVING MONEY ON RENT.
I'M...
I'M NOT IN THIS FAMILY.
GRIFFIN--
THIS IS A GOOD THING.
IT IS, BECAUSE...
YOU KNOW,
SOMEBODY HAD TO GIVE ME A PUSH.
I MEAN, JULIA, SHE MOVED ON.
SO SHOULD I.
I MEAN, I SHOULD.
UH, HOW'S THAT TAIL COMING BACK THERE?
I'M HAVING A LOT OF TROUBLE
WITH THE SQUIGGLE. IT WON'T STAY
STUCK OUT.
OK, KIDS?
COULD EVERYONE GATHER AROUND, PLEASE,
FOR JUST A MINUTE?
I FIRST WANT TO SAY
YOU GUYS ARE DOING A GREAT JOB WITH YOUR LINES.
YOU ARE.
BUT WE NEED TO WORK ON WHAT WE'RE FEELING
WHEN YOU'RE SAYING THEM,
OK?
HE'S THE REASON
CHRISTMAS SPIRIT IS ABOUT GIVING
AND ABOUT LOVE.
THAT'S WHY WE CELEBRATE
THE DAY THIS BABY WAS BORN.
YOU GETTING THIS, BUD?
CAN I GO? MY COSTUME'S DONE.
THE DAY THIS SPECIAL BABY CAME,
THE WHOLE WORLD CHANGED.
YOU KNOW WHAT, BAILEY? YOU MAY WANT TO--
NO, NO, NO. HE SHOULD
HEAR THIS,
ABOUT THIS SPECIAL BABY.
NO! LET GO!
OK, EVERYBODY BACK IN THEIR PLACES.
BACK IN YOUR PLACES.
WHAT WAS THAT?
BAILEY,
A SPECIAL BABY?
ONE THAT CHANGES THE WORLD FOR PEOPLE?
WHO DOES THAT REMIND YOU OF
IF YOU'RE OWEN?
OH, NO...
THIS STUPID SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS.
NED, TURN IT OFF. I'M BEGGING YOU.
WHY? YOU'RE ON THE CONCLUSION.
OHH...JUST MUTE IT.
"SO...
"THEREFORE,
IT DENIED... THE BREAST--"
"BEST."
"BEST NATURE OF MAN,
A NATURE THAT NO MERE BORDER
COULD CARESS--"
NNNN...
"UNDRESS."
"REPRESS."
THERE. WE'RE FINISHED.
OK, YOU CAN TURN THE VOLUME BACK
IF YOU WANT--HA!
MM. THANK YOU.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
MERRY CHRISTMAS. OH, MY GOD!
CHRISTMAS EVE!
MY FAMILY.
WHAT--I THOUGHT YOU WANTED--
UH, YOU WANTED TO MISS IT.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
IF I GET BACK NOW, I CAN MAYBE AVOID
MY BROTHER'S "ALL WE HAVE
IS EACH OTHER, JULIA" SPEECH.
OK. UM, OK.
SO, LET ME JUST PRINT THIS OUT,
THEN I'LL CATCH A RIDE BACK TO
CAMPUS WITH YOU.
OK. JUST HURRY UP.
HEY, IF I HIT THE DRUGSTORE
ON MY WAY HOME,
HOW MANY PERSONAL HYGIENE ITEMS WOULD IT TAKE TO EQUAL,
LIKE, A NORMAL PRESENT?
AND DRAFT MODE IS FINE, AND...
NED? ENTER.
ENTER. DAMN!
WHAT'S WRONG?
THE PRINTER. IT--IT...
IT'S NOT RESPONDING.
IT MUST'VE GOTTEN BUMPED IN THE MOVE,
OR IT'S...
IT'S...TOTALLY...
IT'S COOKED!
WAIT. THEN-- THEN--UH...
NO. NO.
FORGET IT.
GO HOME.
I'LL FIND A PRINTER TOMORROW
AND DO IT THEN.
WHATEVER GRADE I GET,
THAT'S LIFE.
NO! YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DIDN'T PULL AN ALL-NIGHTER
FOR YOU TO GET A "D."
NO WAY.
WE'RE FINDING A PRINTER NOW,
AND WE'RE TURNING THIS THING IN...
RIGHT NOW.
OH, KING OF KINGS,
BE THOU...
BE THOU...
(WHISPERING) "Merely a child."
MERELY A CHILD,
STILL I WORSHIP THEE.
RISE, GOOD FRIEND FROM THE EAST,
FOR...
UM...
"Though my son be a king."
THOUGH MY SON BE A KING,
HE BIDS NO MAN KNEEL BEFORE HIM,
BUT...
BUT...
"But loves every man
the same."
BUT...
But loves every man the same, Gina.
BUT...
BUT LOOK!
WHAT?
I DON'T...
WHERE'S THE BABY?
EVERYBODY PLEASE LOOK FOR THE BABY.
I HOPE NOBODY TOOK THIS BABY.
WE'VE GOT A SHOW TO DO HERE, PEOPLE.
HE COULDN'T HAVE.
WHO TOOK HIM?
DOES SOMEBODY HAVE THE BABY?
HE COULDN'T HAVE.
OH, MOM, THERE YOU ARE.
I WAS, UH-- CLAUDIA TOLD ME YOU WERE
TALKING TO KIRSTEN,
AND NOW I CAN'T FIND HER.
THAT'S BECAUSE I SENT HER HOME.
SHE SAID SHE WAS GOING TO STICK AROUND TILL DINNER
'CAUSE I HAVE ALL THIS...
WRAPPING--WHAT?
THIS SUPPOSED TO BE A FAMILY CHRISTMAS,
RIGHT?
AND, I MEAN, THE WAY I TAKE IT IS
SHE CAME MIGHTY CLOSE, BUT...
IN THE END...
WHY DID YOU TELL HER TO GO AWAY?
I NEED HER TONIGHT.
DO I HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT, DARLING?
HA HA! DO I NEED TO WRITE IT IN THE SKY?
SHE'S A FOX IN THE HEN'S HOUSE.
THAT WOMAN IS AFTER YOUR MAN!
MOM!
SHE'S MARRIED!
I KNOW WHAT I SAW, GIRL.
AND TWO PEOPLE THAT FRIENDLY?
WELL...
LOOKS TO ME LIKE THEY HAVE GOT TO BE--
BEST FRIENDS!
SHE'S HIS BEST FRIEND!
AND SHE'S THE REASON WHY I'VE MADE IT
HALF THIS FAR.
AND YOU JUST SENT HER AWAY?
YOU ASKED ME TO BE HERE FOR YOU.
SO I TRY.
GOD! I SEE KIRSTEN, SHE'S, LIKE,
SHE'S, LIKE, MY SALVATION!
AND YOU, YOU JUST SEE--
YOU SEE MAN TRAP, AND IT'S, LIKE...
THAT'S HOW IT ALWAYS IS WITH YOU!
I MEAN, WHATEVER STANDS BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR MAN,
GET RID OF IT, RIGHT?
EVEN IF IT'S YOUR OWN KID, RIGHT?
THE LITTLE BRAT HIDES YOUR DRUNK DATE'S
LIQUOR...
OR SHE--SHE CALLS YOUR CAR THIEF BOYFRIEND
A CAR THIEF
TO HIS FACE...
WELL, WE KNOW WHO'S GOT TO GO.
(FLICKS LIGHTER)
NO, NO, NO!
WAIT, SIR, YOU CAN'T.
YOU'VE GOT TO STAY OPEN ONE MORE SECOND.
IT'S 8:00.
WE'RE CLOSED.
BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. WE'VE BEEN EVERYWHERE.
YOU'RE THE ONLY PRINT SHOP OPEN IN THE CITY.
YEAH. EXCEPT...
WE'RE CLOSED.
NO, NO, NO...
JULIA, JULIA, WAIT. YOU GOT TO BE OPEN!
HOLD ON. YOU GOT TO BE OPEN!
TAKE IT EASY! TAKE IT EASY.
MAYBE--MAYBE WE DON'T HAVE
TO DO THIS NOW. MAYBE WE CAN
JUST GO HOME,
TO THE MOTEL.
WE CAN GET A LITTLE ROOM SERVICE...
TAKE A BATH...
I MEAN, WOULD THAT BE SO TERRIBLE?
YOUR FAMILY WILL UNDERSTAND.
HEY! YOU IN THERE!
DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS?
I SEE YOU IN THERE!
YOU CAN OPEN THIS DOOR FOR 5 EXTRA MINUTES
WHEN IT'S THE SEASON FOR GIVING!
HOW ABOUT A LITTLE GOOD WILL
TOWARDS MEN?
HOW ABOUT A LITTLE PEACE ON EARTH?!
OK. OK.
OK.
GOD.
THANK YOU.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
FOR 3 1/2 MONTHS,
ALL I THOUGHT ABOUT WAS HOME.
OWEN PLAYING IN THE YARD,
PLAYING CATCH,
DIANA SMILING AND GURGLING AND...
OWEN IS AT BAILEY'S, AND JULIA'S A GHOST.
I MEAN, THEY CAN'T EVEN GET IT
TOGETHER
TO SHOW UP FOR CHRISTMAS EVE
DINNER.
WELL.
OVER AT MY HOUSE...
WE WERE LUCKY IF MY, UH,
MY OLD MAN DIDN'T SHOVE ONE OF US
INTO THE CHRISTMAS TREE...
OR COULD GO A WHOLE HOUR WITHOUT, YOU KNOW,
CURSING MY MOM'S MEMORY.
I SHOULD JUST SHUT UP AND DEAL.
NO.
I WAS JUST...
I WAS THINKING.
MAN, I'M--
I'M GOING TO MISS THIS PLACE.
OK, WHY ARE WE DOING THIS WHEN WE KNOW WHO DID IT?
I MEAN, I AM RUINING A PERFECTLY GOOD PAIR
OF STOCKINGS.
BECAUSE WE DON'T KNOW WHO DID IT.
NOT FOR SURE.
BAILEY, LOOK AT HIM.
SARAH, IF HE SAYS HE DIDN'T DO IT
AND WE CAN'T PROVE THAT HE DID IT,
THEN WHAT'S IT GET ME TO ACCUSE HIM?
I DON'T KNOW. THE TRUTH?
NO. YOU'RE WRONG. YOU'RE WRONG.
ALL IT GETS ME IS A NASTY FIGHT
WHERE HE SAYS THAT HE DIDN'T DO IT,
AND I SAY HE'S LYING,
AND PRETTY SOON HE'S CRYING
BECAUSE THAT MEANS THAT MEANS THAT
I DON'T TRUST HIM,
AND FRANKLY, AT THIS POINT,
THE WAY HE'S FEELING ABOUT THIS FAMILY,
I'D RATHER GIVE HIM THE BENEFIT
OF THE DOUBT.
EVEN IF IT MAKES US LATER AND LATER FOR DINNER
TO LOOK FOR A DOLL THAT HE PROBABLY
THREW IN THE TRASH
AN HOUR AGO?
THE TRASH.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. THE TRASH.
I'M SMOKING OUTDOORS, OK?
OR IS THE GREENERY GOING TO GET
LEAF CANCER?
MOM, I DIDN'T COME OUT HERE TO...
LES IS PACKING UPSTAIRS.
IS THAT...
WHAT'S GOING ON, IS HE LEAVING?
WE'RE ON THE 10:20 BUS.
BOTH OF US.
HOLD ON. YOU'RE LEAVING?
BACK TO ABILENE?
LES WAS MISSING HOME, AND...
I'M NOT FEELING QUITE SO WELCOME
AS I THOUGHT I'D BE.
LOOK, I'M SORRY I YELLED AT YOU,
OK, MOM?
BUT THIS IS CHRISTMAS EVE.
TOMORROW IS CHRISTMAS DAY.
WHAT WAS THE POINT OF YOU EVEN COMING
IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE HERE
CHRISTMAS DAY?
WELL, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
BUT THEN I...
I MADE EVERYONE SO UNHAPPY.
LOOK, MOM, DON'T PUT THIS ON ME, OK?
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SHOWED UP
ON MY FRONT PORCH UNANNOUNCED
SAYING, "LET'S BE A FAMILY."
AND, WHAT, THE FIRST TIME I LOOK
AT YOU CROSS-EYED,
I-IT'S OVER?
OH, IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME, DOLL.
OR THE TENTH.
IT'S EVERY TIME.
I TOLD YOU HOW TO HELP ME, MOM.
I TOLD YOU WHAT IT'S LIKE HERE
WITH THIS BABY.
WHEN DID YOU EVER SEE ME CHANGE A DIAPER
OR GIVE A KID A BATH?
YOU DID IT FOR ME, DIDN'T YOU?
THAT'S WHAT I NEED, MOM.
THAT IS WHAT I NEED FROM YOU.
WELL, I'M SORRY
IF I WASN'T PUT ON THIS EARTH
TO SERVE YOU, DOLL,
BUT I WASN'T.
I DIDN'T GET YOU PREGNANT.
YOU DID THAT ALL BY YOURSELF.
AND AS FOR THE REST OF IT...
I NEVER BLAMED YOU FOR BEING BORN.
SO DON'T BLAME ME
FOR EVERYTHING THAT CAME AFTER.
HELLO?!
IN HERE!
HEY, WE'RE HERE.
WE'RE SORRY, BUT WE'RE HERE.
HAVING A FEW MINOR BEHAVIOR ISSUES.
NOT SO MINOR.
HEY, BUDDY. YOU NEED A HUG?
LET GO!
I WANT TO SEE GRIFFIN.
THAT'S, UH, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
HE'S BEEN A LITTLE--
I CAN GUESS.
KEEPING HIM AWAY ALL THIS TIME
DURING CHRISTMAS.
HE'S GOTTA BE READY TO KILL ME.
WELL... NOT KILL, EXACTLY.
OH. THANK GOD SOMEONE'S HERE.
YOU KNOW, LET'S JUST-- LET'S JUST START
WITHOUT JULIA.
LAST TIME SHE CALLED SHE WAS STILL AN HOUR AWAY.
REALLY, CLAUD? YOU DON'T WANT TO WAIT
FOR JULIA?
OK, YOU KNOW WHAT? WE COULD JUST, UH--
YEAH, WE COULD WAIT FOREVER.
YEAH, WE'LL HAVE CHRISTMAS SOMETIME AROUND EASTER.
YOU KNOW, SINCE NO ONE HAS TIME FOR THE TREE,
NO ONE HAS TIME FOR THE MEAL,
AND, OH, I'M SURE WE'LL ALL COME UP WITH
REAL GOOD EXCUSES
WHEN IT COMES TIME FOR STOCKINGS,
SO WHY DON'T WE, YOU KNOW, JUST SPARE OURSELVES
THE POINT OF PRETENDING
AND JUST BLOW THE WHOLE THING OFF, OK?
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
INSTEAD OF THAT, WHILE WE'RE WAITING
ON JULIA,
WHO I'M SURE IS COMING,
IN OUR HOUSE ON CHRISTMAS EVE
WE ALWAYS GOT TO OPEN ONE PRESENT EACH.
OK, GREAT. YES, LET'S DO THAT.
SO WHAT IF MY TURKEY'S AGING LIKE THE PORTRAIT
OF DORIAN GRAY.
IS THERE ONE FOR ME?
NOT SO FAST, BUDDY, YOU AND ME HAVE
TO HAVE A LITTLE...
WHOA! 2 PACKAGES!
AND ONE'S BATTERIES.
CLAUD, LOOKS LIKE A SWEATER FOR YOU.
WELL, COULD YOU AT LEAST LET ME
UNWRAP IT FIRST?
SARAH.
REALLY? ONE FOR ME? YEAH.
BAY.
THANKS.
AND...DAPHNE.
WHERE'S DAPH?
I THINK I SAW HER GO UPSTAIRS.
WELL, YOU GET ONE, TOO, CHARLIE.
WHAT, YOU CAN'T FIND ONE OVER THERE?
CLAUDIA, DIDN'T YOU GET YOUR BROTHER A PRESENT?
DIDN'T YOU?
IT'S OK. SOMETHING WILL TURN UP TOMORROW.
NO. COME ON, THERE'S GOTTA BE SOMETHING.
OH, WAIT. HERE'S SOMETHING.
IT'S FROM GRIFFIN.
YEAH, IT'S RIGHT HERE.
BUILDING 115.
YOU JUST LEAVE IT IN THE BOX?
HOW'S HE GONNA KNOW WHEN IT CAME IN?
HE SAID HE WAS GONNA CHECK THE BOX BEFORE MIDNIGHT.
ON CHRISTMAS EVE? WHY WOULD HE--
IS THIS MEMO--
DID YOU SEE THIS NOTE? IT'S FOR YOUR CLASS.
YEAH. FORGET IT, JULE.
I MEAN, THE PAPER'S IN. LET'S--
WHY DON'T YOU LET ME DRIVE YOU HOME?
IT SAYS LATE PAPERS
WILL GET A 2-DAY GRACE PERIOD
OVER THE HOLIDAYS.
I COULD STAY AT MY PARENTS' HOUSE TONIGHT
AND MAYBE DROP BY YOUR PLACE TOMORROW.
HOW COULD YOU NOT HAVE SEEN THIS, NED?
IT'S DATED A WEEK AGO.
WHAT? I MEAN, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
WELL, I STAYED AN EXTRA DAY TO SAVE YOUR
GRADE POINT AVERAGE.
IT WOULD'VE BEEN NICE TO KNOW IF--IF...
WHAT?
YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS, DIDN'T YOU?
JULIA, COME ON.
YOU KEPT SAYING DON'T LEAVE.
DON'T LEAVE, BUT YOU FIXED IT SO I WOULDN'T.
I HAD TO WRITE THE PAPER, JULIA.
DID YOU MAKE THE REST UP, TOO?
LIKE THE PRINTING PLACE, THE WAY YOU SAID
YOU CALLED ALL AROUND
AND THEY WERE CLOSED, BUT WHEN WE FOUND ONE
AND IT WAS OPEN, YOU DIDN'T EVEN TRY
TO GET IN.
SO I WASN'T READY TO BREAK THE DOOR DOWN.
SO WHAT?
AND WHAT ABOUT ALL THE OTHER STUFF?
YOUR PRINTER BREAKING.
YOU'RE LIKE JOE COMPUTER.
THAT TIME YOU HACKED ON TO MY MACHINE?
BUT TONIGHT, YOU GAVE UP IN HALF A SECOND...
BECAUSE YOU--
YOU DIDN'T WANT TO FINISH, DID YOU?
DID YOU?!
JUL--
GOD! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU, NED?!
DID YOU THINK YOU WERE BEING ROMANTIC
OR SOMETHING?
DID YOU THINK THIS WAS WHAT I WANTED?
'CAUSE I HAVE BROTHERS AND SISTERS AT HOME,
AND FOR THE LAST DAY AND A HALF,
YOU'VE JUST BEEN SITTING THERE WATCHING ME--
NO, MAKING ME-- LIE TO THEM!
OH...
BAILEY, NO!
SIT DOWN.
OWEN. OWEN, SIT DOWN.
WHY?
TELL ME WHAT THIS IS.
I'M BUSY.
NO. YOU'RE NOT BUSY. YOU'RE TALKING
TO ME NOW.
YOU STOLE THIS FROM THE CHURCH,
AND THEN YOU LIED ABOUT IT,
AND THOSE ARE VERY BAD THINGS.
OWEN, VERY BAD.
WHY? IT'S JUST A STUPID PLASTIC BABY.
BECAUSE THIS BABY MATTERS TO PEOPLE.
AND IF IT DOESN'T MATTER TO YOU,
THAT'S NO EXCUSE. YOU RESPECT WHAT MATTERS
TO OTHER PEOPLE,
BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY PERSON
IN THIS WORLD.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
NOW, WE'RE GOING TO CALL THAT CHURCH,
AND WE'RE GOING TO TELL THEM THAT
YOU TOOK THIS BABY.
BAILEY, NO!
YES! YES! AND THEN TOMORROW,
YOU'RE GOING TO GO BACK THERE IN
THE MORNING WITH ME
AND YOU'RE GOING NO! TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY
TO THEIR FACES.
NO, I DON'T WANT TO, BAILEY. PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME.
AND THEN WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT WHAT'S
GOING ON WITH YOU.
LISTEN TO ME!
ALL THIS JUNK YOU'VE BEEN PULLING.
THAT STUFF OF SARAH'S THAT YOU BROKE?
YOU THINK BECAUSE THERE'S ANOTHER BABY
IN THIS FAMILY
THAT YOU COULD DO WHATEVER YOU WANT?
YOU THINK BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT GETTING
ENOUGH ATTENTION
YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING?
WELL, YOU'RE WRONG.
SO, YOU'D BETTER START BEHAVING,
OWEN,
BECAUSE I AM GOING TO BE WATCHING
EVERYTHING YOU DO.
YOU HEAR ME?
(CRYING)
DO YOU?
WHAT WAS IT LIKE BACK THEN
WHEN I WAS DIANA'S AGE?
WAS IT HARD FOR YOU TO GO TO WORK EVERY DAY?
DID YOU MISS ME WHEN I WASN'T THERE?
WHAT ARE YOU--WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THIS?
BECAUSE I'M CURIOUS.
I WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU FELT...
WHEN YOU WENT TO WORK OR WHEN YOU WENT OUT AT NIGHT.
LOOK, UH, I DON'T WANT TO TALK ANYMORE ABOUT
HOW IT'S ALL MY FAULT.
BECAUSE I WANT TO KNOW IF IT'S THE SAME WAY
THAT I FEEL...
ABOUT DIANA.
I WANT TO KNOW IF IT WAS AS EASY FOR YOU TO LEAVE
AS IT IS FOR ME.
I DON'T KNOW.
'CAUSE... WHEN I LOOK AT...
MY BABY
AND I WONDER WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
IF SOMETHING WERE TO TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME,
OR IF I'D HAVE TO LIVE THE REST OF MY LIFE
WITHOUT HER, AND...
I WOULD BE OK.
I WOULD ACTUALLY BE OK.
SO, I'VE BEEN THINKING THAT MAYBE THAT'S WHY...
I AM SO MAD AT YOU.
BECAUSE...WE'RE REALLY NO DIFFERENT FROM ONE ANOTHER,
WHICH IS EXACTLY-- I MEAN, THAT IS HOW
IT HAPPENS.
A PERSON, A PARENT...
WHO DOESN'T LOVE THEIR KIDS,
THEY HAVE KIDS WHO GROW UP THE SAME...
AND SO ON AND SO ON.
AND THAT FEELS BAD, MOM, TO BE A PART OF THAT.
THAT FEELS REALLY, REALLY BAD.
SO, WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHAT'S GOING ON IS HE'S UP THERE CRYING HIS EYES OUT.
HE WON'T EVEN LET ME IN.
HE WON'T EVEN TALK TO ME.
BAILEY, SOMEBODY HAD TO TELL HIM.
NO. NO. IT WAS THE WRONG THING TO DO,
BECAUSE NOW HE'S UP THERE BAWLING,
AND HIS CHRISTMAS IS RUINED.
AND HE WAS DOING OK BEFORE I TALKED TO HIM.
HE WAS DOING MUCH BETTER, JUST BEING HOME WITH EVERYONE.
HE WASN'T DOING ANYTHING WRONG OR ANYTHING.
LOOK, BAILEY, I SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD YOU.
I MEAN...GOD, I AM DEFINITELY NOT A MOTHER.
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THESE THINGS.
HE WON'T EVEN SPEAK TO ME.
IT WAS A MISTAKE.
DOREEN. CAN I SAY SOMETHING?
GIVE US A SEC, LESTER?
ALL RIGHT.
LISTEN, SWEETHEART, YOU REALLY SHOULD
SAVE YOUR BREATH.
I CAN'T.
I CAN'T. I--BECAUSE WHEN YOU SHOWED UP HERE
AND YOU SAID, LET'S BE A FAMILY,
I BELIEVED THAT.
SO, PLEASE, DON'T-- DON'T GO.
TALK TO MY DAUGHTER, CHARLIE.
NO. I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED IN THE PAST.
I CARE ABOUT RIGHT NOW.
I CARE ABOUT HAVING SOMEONE IN THIS HOUSE FOR MY DAUGHTER.
SHE NEEDS THAT, AND SHE DOESN'T HAVE THAT
BECAUSE HER MOM...
DAPHNE'S HAVING TROUBLE FEELING--
CHARLIE, I--
NO. I KNOW THE TWO OF YOU ARE MAD. I KNOW THAT,
BUT WHEN WE GET MAD IN MY FAMILY,
WE HAVE THIS RULE, WHICH IS,
"GO AHEAD, STAY MAD IF YOU WANT, BUT JUST STAY."
YOU KNOW?
IS ONE OF YOU GONNA DRIVE US
TO THE BUS STOP,
OR AM I GONNA HAVE TO CALL A CAB?
WELL...DUH. 3 EXTRA HOURS IN THE OVEN. I KNEW IT.
AH, I BET YOU COULD BOUNCE BALL BEARINGS ON MY POTATOES.
LOOK, IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD, CLAUD.
NO! IT'S JUST THE END OF THIS DINNER.
WELL, MAYBE IT'S FOR THE BEST...
IF WE JUST CALL THIS WHOLE THING OFF.
WHAT?
OH, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO.
WE WILL NOT CALL THIS OFF.
WHEN THIS FAMILY HAS THE OPPORTUNITY
TO SIT AROUND A TABLE
LIKE WE USED TO ONCE A WEEK?
I MEAN, CHRISTMAS EVE, A PROPER CHRISTMAS EVE
MEANS STOCKINGS AND THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
AND A COOKIE ON THE HEARTH FOR SANTA.
AND WE ARE GOING TO DO THIS ONE THING RIGHT
OR JUST DIE TRYING!
SO, I'M GOING TO GO OUT AND BUY OUR CHRISTMAS EVE
DINNER.
EVEN IF IT'S TURKEY JERKY FROM THE MINIMART.
CLAUDIA, THAT'S VERY-- IT'S VERY MOVING,
BUT I'M WAY TOO BEAT TO SIT AROUND HERE
AND WAIT ANYMORE.
AND BESIDES, I GOTTA BE UP AT DAWN.
THE RESTAURANT'S HAVING THIS HOLIDAY BRUNCH,
SO...I HAVE TO GET HOME.
HAVE TO GET HOME.
WE'LL SEE YA.
I CAN'T--I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE DOING
THIS FOR CHRISTMAS.
CLAUD, WE'RE GONNA BE BACK FOR BREAKFAST
IN LIKE AN HOUR.
Owen: BAILEY!
OWEN.
HEY.
YOU OK?
WE'RE GONNA GO NOW, BUT WE'LL BE BACK TOMORROW, OK?
I'M COMING WITH YOU.
WHOA.
NO, NO, NO. YOU SHOULD STAY HERE.
WE'RE GONNA BE BACK IN THE MORNING. IT'S OK.
BUT I WANT TO COME WITH YOU.
HEY, BUDDY, YOU CAN STAY HERE. IT'S OK.
WE'LL GET UP IN THE MORNING TOGETHER
AND OPEN STOCKINGS LIKE WE ALWAYS DO.
I WANT TO STAY WITH BAILEY.
I'M GONNA GET MY STUFF,
AND I'M GONNA GO WITH BAILEY.
HE'S JUST A LITTLE OFF, YOU KNOW,
WITH ALL THE EXCITEMENT AND EVERYTHING.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN IT.
I GET IT.
HE'S GONNA BE BEGGING TO COME BACK HERE.
SOON AS YOU'RE READY TO TAKE HIM.
YEAH. I KNOW.
SOON.
YEAH.
SORRY. JUST...
SAW A LIGHT ON.
DON'T SWEAT IT. IT'S YOUR HOUSE.
CAN I, UH, COME IN FOR A MINUTE?
(BABY CRIES)
SHH, SHH, SHH.
HELLO!
IS EVERYBODY IN THE--
KITCHEN?
CHARLIE?
BAILEY?
CLAUD?
SANTA?
I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR THE SCRAPBOOK. I, UH...
SPENT, LIKE, AN HOUR, AND I HAVEN'T...
GOTTEN TO THE END YET.
REALLY?
YEAH.
THAT BIOPSY YOU PUT IN THERE,
THE ONE THAT-- THAT CLEARED ME?
IT JUST REMINDED ME THAT...
WHEN THAT HAPPENED, I...
I WANTED OUT OF HERE SO BAD.
JUST, UH...
HIT THE ROAD
AND START MY LIFE OVER AGAIN, BUT...
I'M A FAMILY MAN.
AND, UM... ALL I KEEP THINKING
IS THAT...
YOU DON'T HAVE THAT.
YOU'RE AS FREE AS A BIRD,
BUT YOU...STAY ANYWAY.
SO THE...
THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY
WANT TO BE HERE
ARE YOU AND CLAUDIA,
AND I'M, LIKE...
PUSHING YOU AWAY.
AND EVERYONE ELSE,
THE PEOPLE WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO BE FAMILY,
WHO ACTUALLY SHARE MY DAUGHTER'S BLOOD...
THEY CAN'T WAIT TO LEAVE.
IT JUST MAKES ME THINK THAT...
IF YOU'RE NOT FAMILY, I DON'T KNOW WHO IS.
IF YOU EVER GET OUT TO ABILENE...
I'LL CALL YOU.
SO...
BE HAPPY, DOLL.
YEAH, YOU, TOO.
WINDOW'S RIGHT OVER THERE.
HUH?
IF YOU WANT TO BUY A TICKET.
ARE YOU BUYING A TICKET?
HEY.
JULIA.
WHAT ARE YOU, UH,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK?
I DROVE TO MY HOUSE, AND...
I RAN UP THE STAIRS...
AND I WENT INSIDE, BUT NOBODY WAS THERE.
BUT THEN I--I STARTED LOOKING AROUND, AND...
EVERYTHING THAT I SAW...
IT REMINDED ME OF ALL THIS STUFF.
THE--THE CANCER AND--AND ALL THIS...
STUFF WE WENT THROUGH.
AND I LOVE THEM ALL, AND...
IT'S NOBODY'S FAULT, BUT...
I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO ALL THAT STUFF.
LOOK, JULIA--
I'M NOT FORGIVING YOU, NED.
'CAUSE I'M STILL REALLY MAD AT YOU,
SO DON'T TRY TO--
NO.
'CAUSE I DIDN'T COME HERE
TO FORGIVE YOU.
I CAME HERE TO...
WHAT YOU DID WAS SO...
NO ONE'S EVER WORKED...
SO HARD TO KEEP ME AROUND.
AND, I MEAN, I HA--I...
I HATE HOW YOU DID IT.
AND I DON'T EVER WANT YOU TO PULL A MOVE LIKE THAT
AGAIN, EVER.
BUT...
THANK YOU.
GIVE ME THOSE EGG ROLLS.
I AM STARVING.
SOMEBODY OPENED THEM ALREADY.
OH. YEAH. SORRY.
GROSS.
HEY, GET GRIFFIN A PRESENT.
OK.
NO WAY.
OH. MY HANDS-- THEY'RE SO GREASY.
THANK YOU.
JUST A LITTLE GIFT.
♪ THIS CHRISTMAS ♪
♪ SANTA COME HOME ♪
♪ FOR ONCE MRS. CLAUS ♪