Party of Five (1994–2000): Season 3, Episode 3 - Short Cuts - full transcript

[music playing]

[Charlie]
Lose the jacket.

It's not high school anymore.

Thanks for knocking.

[Charlie] I did.

Where'd this thing come from?

Claud and Julia.
Gift-wrapped and everything.

Cute.

Yeah. Kirsten got me
a set of highlighter pens.

Sarah got me a thesaurus.

Underlined all the different
words for boyfriend.



Everybody's making this
big fuss, you know.

It's really no big deal.

Actually, you're wrong
about that.

First days
are always a big deal.

Look out.

You're not gonna tell
that story again

about when I started
kindergarten.

You mean how you barfed
on your Buster Browns

when you forgot the alphabet?

[Charlie laughs]

Nah, it would be mean
to remind you about that.

I remember Mom gave me
this whole speech

that day at the bus stop.

She said, "You know,
you don't have to go, Bailey.



If you're scared,
you don't have to go to school."

A total lie, needless to say.

But it worked.

[Bailey]
Yeah, of course it worked.

I'm like, "Oh, no. I want to."

I wonder what they'd say now?

Probably what they told me
when I started college.

Big chance, clean slate,
up to you what you make of it,

that sort of thing.

Yeah, well...

that's easier said than done.

I mean, let's face it,

I'm not exactly the brightest
bulb on the marquee.

Who says?

Anyone who's ever met me.

I mean, hello.

Okay. How about this?

Nobody who's ever met you
is gonna be there.

You know what, Char?

I think you might actually
be getting the hang

of this pep-talk stuff.

[both chuckles]

Get some sleep. [sighs]

[theme music playing]

♪ Everybody wants to live ♪

♪ Like they wanna live ♪

♪ And everybody wants to love ♪

♪ Like they wanna love ♪

♪ Everybody wants to be ♪

♪ Closer to free ♪

♪ Closer to free ♪

And above all, senior year

is a time to be meticulous,
organized.

Don't let things fall
between the cracks,

because statistically...

statistically...

statistically...

I know I have this
here somewhere.

Just one second.

Turn around.

A lot of you will get into
the college of your choice,

if you have the grades.

[whispers]
He looks really good.

Is that good or bad?

I don't know.

The Garber Award, for example.
When are those essays due?

But you know what?

I'm not gonna spend
the next ten months

ducking into stairwells
to avoid him.

Oh, my God, you did that?

Hmmm. It was exhausting.

Yes, by the end of this week.
[bell rings]

And don't forget to sign up for
your individual appointments.

Okay? Dismissed.

Want me to schedule
us together?

Yeah, that'd be
great. Thanks.

See you.

Hey.

Hey.

So how was England?
When'd you get back?

Last week.

It was fun.

Just me, my mom, my dad, Ben.

Ben?

Ben.

Justin, she had the baby?

Oh, wow!

He's cute as hell.

Oh, can I see them?

Yeah. My mom would love that.

I'll call first so
you don't have to be there,

you know, if you don't want to.

Julia, let's not do this whole
avoiding thing.

I mean, last spring
was enough, don't you think?

All this time apart
and we still think alike.

Dr. Kass, hi.

[both laugh]

Oh, Kirsten, I appreciate
you coming in.

I know. I know.

I've pretty much fallen off
the face of the earth.

You warned me the beginning
of the semester

would be crazy time. Not that I'm complaining.

It's going great.

I'm glad to hear it.

Listen--
[Kristen laughs]

you're gonna love this.
There's this girl

in my early childhood section,
Penny somebody.

Every morning she comes in
and does her makeup,

while I'm lecturing.

Blusher, lip pencil,
that eyelash grabber.

I'm sorry. I'm babbling.

And you probably have, like,
50 other things to do.

So...

That looks familiar.

Does it have anything to do
with why you called me in?

You got the grant
for the textbook?

Actually, Kirsten
one of our visiting fellows

was reading your dissertation.

I gave it to him as a matter
of fact for a course
he's teaching.

And he came to me
with a concern.

I don't know how to put this. [indistinct chattering]

Larry.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Larry.

Larry. Larry.

How you doing?
You look great.

Hey, excuse me.

Let me just-- Sorry.

Just, like,
I'll come through here.

Hey, I haven't seen you since,
you know...

Right. Right, right, right.

Since your suspension hearing.

Man, they were-- They were
really hard on you, pal.

Yeah, well, you know, I just--
I've been meaning to thank you

for all the nice
and kind things you said.

-Sure.
-Right.

[both laugh]

Hey, Cooper Voight.

-Bailey Salinger. How you doing?
-I'm good.

It's just these lines, they're
kind of, you know, thanks.

So are you taking
anything interesting?

I don't know.

Ellerby for Precalculus.

Ixnay.

My brother Frank,
he's a junior here,

and Ellerby's on his
I'd-rather-chew-glass list.

So forget that one.

Anything else?

I don't know. Biology?

European Novels?

Intro to Computers?
[imitates buzzer]

Listen, take
the proficiency test.

Get excused from that class.

There are, like,
suicides coming from that class.

-Really?
-Yeah.

See, listen, my brother
sat me down the other day

and he talked to me,
and he gave me this great plan:

how to succeed in college
without really trying.

Want to hear it?
Cost you a beer.

Sure. Yeah, sure.
Let's hear it.

-Cool.
-[Woman] Next in line.

Oh, check it out.

We might actually get registered
in this lifetime.

Thanks.

Nope, nope.
I don't think we should.

Oh, come on, why not?

Because I just don't.
I think it's a bad idea.

We would have done it
last year like that.

Yeah, well, I'm not
comfortable with it--

Justin, it's a letter
of recommendation, not a diary.

Okay. Okay. Obviously, you are just scared

that mine is so much
better than yours.

All right. Fine.
Here. Take it. Pretty much, almost identical.

Diligent. That's very good.

Astute.

Astute, that's
a solid adjective.

All right. All right.
These are--

They're all right.

What?

What?

Nothing.

What, nothing?

Nothing, really.

All right, Sarah,
hand it over.

Come on.

No. No. Hey.

You know, a real friend would
have let us see her letter.

A+ll right, let's see here.

La, la, la, la, la.
"Sunny demeanor."

"Hard worker..."

Same old-- What?

"The combination
of her winning personality

and academic excellence
makes Sarah Reeves

the most gifted student to come
through my class in years."

Defining moment of my life.

I'm 12 years old,
Frank's 15, whatever.

We're at Macy's,
the one downtown.

I gotta pee.

So I walk over to the Aramis
counter and he sees me.

He goes, "Where are you going?"

I turn around
and I just point to that sign,

"Men's toiletries."

[scoffs]

-Oh, no.
-Oh, yeah.

He keels over
on the floor, laughing.

They almost call security
because he's so loud,

and he can't wait to get home
to tell my parents.

-Of course.
-Well, that's it.

That is a Cooper story.

Beat that.

I couldn't.

How come that's always
the stuff they remember?

Bailey, I'm fine with it.

I know my-- What do you
call it, limitations?

I know how to get around them.

Why bang your head
up against the wall, right?

Because it feels so good
when you stop?

No. It feels better
if you don't ever start.

Yeah.

Wow. Prices are kind of steep.

I didn't do a meal plan.

Come here.

Take this.

Hang back a second. Okay?

Yeah.

Hi... Maureen.

Meal card.

Absolutely.
I got it right--

Wait a minute.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

What kind of dirtbags
come to this school?

Somebody ripped
my meal card off.

This is outrageous--

I had it right in this pocket.

All right. All right. All right.
Don't bust a gut, okay?

Just fill out this form
and you'll get a new one.

Thank you. Thanks.

Next.

Thanks.

-Thank you.
-Thank you.

And when she saw Salinger,
well, she wanted to know

if it was any relation to you.

Mrs. Levin for Social Studies.

Boy, I haven't
thought about her in years.

Butter?

She always liked me.

Yeah?

Because when I told her
that I was your sister,

she kind of had to
grab hold of the desk

and her face got,
like, all pale.

[footsteps, door opens]

[Charlie]
Kirsten, wait, wait, wait.

Where are you going?
How was the meeting?

Was it what you thought?

I mean, does he want
to use your thing?

Your dissertation,
in that textbook?

No.

I'm gonna go to...

That's-- That's--
It's a joke.

-You're the last person in--
-Charlie, it's true.

-No.
-They're right.

No way.

I saw you killing
yourself over that thing.

Working until 5:00 in the
morning and every weekend?

That's not plagiarizing.
How can you tell me--?

Listen to me, Charlie.
I looked at my dissertation.

He showed me.

There was this--
This whole piece.

This chunk of
this study

And I just...

I used it.

I didn't say where it came from.

I didn't annotate it.

I didn't attribute it.
I just-- I stole it.

But that has to be a mistake.

I did it.

I did it.

But the funny thing is, I mean,

when I saw the letter from
Edwards and how good it was--

Good? The guy thinks
you're the next Einstein.

It was autopilot. I mean,
I headed for your locker

like you were gonna be there
for me to show you.

Totally dumb. So?

So was it weird?
Was it exciting?

It was registration.

Yeah, I know,
but I was kind of hoping

that you'd call me last night
to tell me about it.

Yeah, I know. I know.
I would have,

but I wound up
getting home late.

I met this guy, Cooper.

He'll be there tonight
at the "hello, freshman" thing.

You're gonna come, right?

Yeah. Where's your schedule?

Backpack.

Geology?

You couldn't get into
that bio lab? You know, I could have,

but I decided to go with
rocks for jocks instead.

Cooper says if you've got,
like, three brain cells,

you're pretty much
guaranteed a B.

Survey of Children's Literature?

Wow, are you interested in that?

Yeah. Why not?

I mean, European Novels?

What, was I crazy?

These books are so much easier.

And shorter.

Cooper say that too?

Well, you know, I'm just--

Look, the time you spent going
through that course catalog,

I mean, you practically had it
memorized and none of these--

Come on, Sarah, I've got seven
more semesters to kill myself.

I just thought I'd be better off

kind of easing in right now,
you know?

Whatever.

[indistinct chattering]

Hey.

What'd they do
to you in there?

He asked about
extracurricular activities

for my junior year
because-- Because there was

this hole in my transcript.

You know what I have?
For the whole year?

Hung out with my boyfriend.

So now it's my fault?

No, no, no.
I'm just saying--

Because I'm not
gonna do any better.

Hey, hey, how'd it go?

Lousy. Last year
is completely zip.

I've-- I've no student
government,

I have no school activity.

You know, I mean,
you spent all last year

hanging out with my brother.

Well, yeah. Yeah.

But, you know, I--

I did costumes
for the school show

and student senate,
and I ran

this musical tutoring thing
at the elementary school--

Excuse me. Can I just mention

that you're starting
to get on my nerves?

He's kidding.

I'm kidding.

[chuckles]

Yeah, I'd better...

All right.

I wasn't kidding.

Man.

What are we gonna do?

I mean, any club worth anything

already has all their officers
and stuff.

I mean, you can't just walk in
and become president,

and that's what
looks good on transcripts.

Justin, what if we--?

Hang on, hang on. Come here.

What if we make up
our own club

Something that sounds good,

but where we don't have to
actually do anything.

Like, Future Adults of America.

Yeah.

Or Students for the Ethical
Treatment of Students?

That's perfect.

I was kidding.

No. Look, I am serious.

We are competing
with Little Miss Gifted, okay?

We make up this club,

and we have
some kind of great title.

I can be president
and you can be, I don't know,

chairman of the board.

And we can go to Mr. Shiffer.

We get accepted,
go to the faculty--

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Stop, stop, stop.

Doesn't this strike you
as a little bit unethical?

That's the irony of it.

Oh Claudia, is Kirsten around?

I haven't seen her.

What are you looking for?

[Charlie sighs]
She had all those file cards.
Where are they?

I'm thinking maybe
she took notes, right?

But she got distracted.

Maybe somebody
interrupted her and--

And she forgot to write down
the, you know, the source.

And then a month or two later,

she came back and looked at
the card and thought it was...

[sighs]

I don't know
what I'm looking for.

Well, school.

[piano music playing]

Hi.

Hi.

Did I ever tell you
about that time

that I thought I made up a song?

No. Well, it was this one
that Julia kept playing,

like, over and over.

It had something to do with
paradise and parking lots.

And, well, I mean,
I must have heard it,

like, without even realizing.

But I had, like, no idea.

But then one day it was like,
you know,

"Hey, look what I wrote."

Kirsten?

Claud, that isn't--

I can't do this with you.

That's it?

That's the best
you can do?

Kirsten, you--

[door closes]

You know, no offense, you guys.
But that's insane.

You didn't really think
that would work, did you?

Well, it would have
if it wasn't for this one.

The club would be
a moral thermometer?

What the hell does that mean?

I meant to say barometer.
I got a little nervous.

-Give me a break.
-Well, great.

No club, no nothing.

Look, I'm sorry.

You know, maybe you can
think of something else.

Why do you care?

You're the most gifted person

anybody has ever taught
in the entire universe.

-Would you stop that?
-What was he yammering about?

"You don't need
extracurricular work

if you've got alumni
connections."

Who the hell's got
alumni connections?

Well me I guess.

Wait a minute. You guess?

My mom went to Stanford.

What?

-My mom went to--
-No, I heard you.

Why didn't you tell me?

I don't know.
It didn't come up.

I don't know
where your parents went.

Nowhere good. Geez.

Justin, relax. Okay?

You've got the grades,
and you are a great writer.

-Isn't he a great writer?
-Yeah.

There's a chance
you could win the Garber Award.

-That always helps.
-Right.

Everyone who wins
gets in somewhere good.

Sally Dickinson,
last year, Princeton.

And that Tom what's-his-face
the year before,

he got into Stanford.

No connections.

No. I am not going to win.

I have nothing to write about.

A pivotal event in my life?

What am I--?
What are you writing about?

What's your essay?
Your entry?

Well, meeting my birth mom.

Oh, great. Fantastic.

They're gonna love that.

They're gonna eat it up
with a spoon.

Well, excuse me.
It's not like I made it up

so I'd have something
to write about.

And don't even tell me.

You're gonna write about
your parents, right?

Well, yeah. I don't know what
that has do with anything.

Man, talk about a ringer.

-Justin that is disgusting.
-[Justin] You know what?

I bet you'll both win.

Yeah, you'll tie.

And you'll both go to Stanford,

and I'll be busy
over at Stop & Shop

saying, "paper or plastic?"

"Paper or plastic?"

Can I double-bag that for you?

[Justin]
Paper or plastic?
Paper or plastic?

I'd be okay with a tie.

Yeah.

[rock music playing
over speakers]

[Sarah]
Oh, my God.

The graffiti in the woman's
bathroom is unbelievable.

They've got philosophical
debates on the stalls.

I whiz, therefore I am.

Discuss, please.

[all laugh]

Anybody want a refill?

Designated driver.

-Bailey?
-No.

I can't drink and worry
at the same time.

You'll get used to it.
Come on, it's a party.

Can't you be miserable tomorrow?

Yeah, I will be if we don't
get out of here soon.

I've got that computer thing,
that proficiency test.

You listened to me.
Oh, that's great.

Well, think of this
as half empty.

Come on, 15 more minutes then
I'll bodily drag you out.

How's that?

You know,
you don't have to sweat it.

No, see,
the thing is, I do.

No, you don't have to.

Look, I wasn't gonna advertise
this, but we're friends.

Frank said,
he'd take the test for me.

I mean, having
a pain-in-the-ass older brother

ought to be good
for something, right?

And if I bug him enough,
he'll do it for you too.

Seriously?

Yeah. All you have to do
is write down your student ID

and he'll log on as you.

[distant chattering]

You know what?

That's great
and thanks.

But I'm gonna give the test
a shot myself.

Okay.

Ten more minutes.

[door unlocking, door closes]

I found this.

You went through my--?

I didn't know what else to do.

God.

I called the drugstore
and asked what this was.

I never heard of it.

This is an antidepressant. Are you taking these?

No.

But you did.
It says "refill."

I didn't want you--

When? Kirsten, when were
you taking these?

It was last year,
last December...

right after the wedding.

What can I say?
The holidays were pretty...

They were bad.

What did you expect?

I went to see someone.

Dr. Lido?

[sighs]

I went to see him for a while,
and he gave me those,

and I took them for...
for a couple of months,

and then I stopped.

I'm fine, Charlie.

I'm...

That's when all this stuff
happened, isn't it,

with your dissertation?

They kept calling me.

"Where's your dissertation?
You're late."

I couldn't get out of bed.

It was like... it was like...

You know, the fog when it comes
in the morning and it just...

I don't even remember
typing those paragraphs.

But I must have.

[slow piano music playing]

Why aren't you asleep?

I was thinking. And listen--

-I'm tired.
-No. Listen...

I know
what you have to do.

You have to tell them.

Them who?

Kass, your advisory committee.

You have to tell them
what happened.

They won't care.

Let's just--
Let's just go to sleep.

Sure, they will.
Sure, they'll care. It's like, yeah, okay,
you made a mistake,

but you had a very good reason.

You were in trouble.
People understand that.

They'll forgive it.

I don't know.

That's because you can't see it.

But I'm looking
from the outside.

And here's what it is.
You do not do stuff like that.

I mean, 99.9 percent
of your life is one way

and then this one time...

Do you want me to talk to them?
I will. I'll go up there.

No, Charlie, no.

Absolutely not.

Okay. Okay.
So then you will, then?

I'll go with you
and I'll wait outside.

But I'll be there.

Okay?

We're gonna do this, you and me.
And we'll get through it.

I mean it.

I love you.

-And I promise you--
-All right.

[sighs]
All right.

[Charlie sighs]

Julia, are you any good
at computer programming?

No. I suck at it.

Julia.

Sorry. I stink at it.

Owen, you want to paste
some of this stuff on yourself?

Come on, it's fun.

No. I want to watch TV.

He's in like pre-pre-preschool. Why does he have homework?

I thought Kirsten was supposed
to help with this.

Right, Claud.

She doesn't have
anything else to worry about.

[sighs]
Wow, poor Kirsten.

It's kind of a dumb thing to do.

I don't know.

I keep thinking she must
have had a reason.

Yeah? Like what?
Thurber ate my Ph.D.?

God, this glue is so gross.

Come on, I can imagine it.

Can't you?

You're under
all this pressure,

and the clock's ticking

and you have to deliver
or you're screwed.

So you get an extension.

You go to your adviser
and you say, "Hey, I'm stuck."

You just don't rip off
someone else's stuff.

Hey, Owen, get back here.

Oh, forget it.

What about her students?

I mean, they must probably think
she's so smart and love her

and look up to her.

Now how are they gonna
go to her with a problem or--?

Or just to talk? I mean, if they
can't even trust her anymore.

That's who I feel bad for,
it's them.

Hey.

I know you're mad at her,
but-- But don't be.

Why not?

Look, if you need to be mad
at somebody about this,

then it's me, okay?

Be mad at me.

That doesn't make any sense.

I know. I know.

I'm sorry.

Hey, you talking to me?

Sure. Why not? I...

Look, I wigged out
a little bit yesterday

and I already apologized
to Sarah.

So I'm sorry.

Well, forget about it. I have.

What's this?

Ah. My essay.

One last proofing.

Hey, Justin.

Hi, Ruthie.

She's just a friend.

That's okay. So am I.

[Julia chuckles]
A friend who's seen you naked.

[both laugh]
Yeah, there's that.

Yeah.

Do you want me
to take a look at it?

Do you want to?

Do you want me to?

[laughs]

I don't want you
to feel obligated or anything.

I don't.

You sure?

Because it's, you know,
one of those

last year/this year things.

I mean, last year I would've
asked you in a second.

No, this is a complete
and total act of free will.

Give it to me.

Want to give me yours?

It's not quite cooked yet.

Once it's done, I'll...

[computer beeping]

[sighs]

Excuse me.

I need to invalidate this test.

How do I do that?

[types]

-Hi, Julia.
-Hi.

Is that your entry
for the Garber Award?

Yes.

Add it to the pile.

A lot of you going up for it
this year. More than ever.

Oh, just my luck.

You know, you'd think
I'd be adept at this by now.

Excuse me.

[Justin]
I was in my room
when the phone rang.

I don't know why, but I had
a feeling it was bad news.

We were always careful,
so this couldn't be happening,

except it was.

And it suddenly hit me, this
is going to change everything.

I always thought the worst
thing your girlfriend

could say to you would be,
"I met someone else"

or, "I don't love
you anymore."
But they're not.

Far and away,
the one thing that makes

the blood rush to your feet,

the one that stops the clock is
"I'm pregnant."

[guitar music playing]

[bell rings]

So it's in.
And it's not bad.

It's not bad.
It's actually pretty good.

But I have to stop thinking
about it for the next month.

You know, that's when they let
you know who won, in a month.

Do you think you could win?

I can't think about it
anymore.

So as of right now,
I'm not thinking about it.

Maybe.

Wow, you've been busy.

These are used.

So, you do anything
interesting today?

Any interesting tests, maybe?

Anything on...

computers?

Am I getting warm?

I couldn't finish it.

Okay. So you'll take it again.

You decided to take the class?

I didn't register for it.

And it's probably full,
so...

You have to take one
or the other.

Either, you know,
the class or the test.

You're not
gonna let his brother--

Bailey.

Sarah, I have zero aptitude
for this stuff.

It'd take me, like,
50 hours a week just to keep up,

and I would flunk
the class anyway,

and it would
screw everything else up.

God, why are you
underestimating yourself?

Thinking you're already
gonna fail,

-taking gut courses?
-I'm being realistic.

I'd fail it and--
And I can't do that.

I want to do okay.

You know, I want to--
I want to do well.

Maybe even rack up
a couple of A's this semester.

Yeah, I know, imagine that,
me getting A's.

Yeah. You could if you wanted
to, you know, if you work.

But not
by taking rocket science Or some killer
computer class.

You know, when you showed me

that letter of recommendation
you got?

You were nuts.
You were so excited.

Well, I want to know
what that's like.

So I'm--

I'm gonna let Coop's brother
take that test for me,

just get it over with.

-And then really--
-It's cheating.

Once. One time.

Yeah. And the next time?

You know, because-- because
there's gonna be a next time

when there's a hard test or
a paper that you can't finish

and somebody or his brother
offers you an easy way out,

what's gonna stop you?

We had no other choice.
What could we do?

Very, very unfortunate
situation.

It's over.

And?

It's over.

They're revoking my Ph.D.

No, no. That is ridiculous--

All this time
completely wasted.

You told them what happened,
and still?

I didn't tell them.

-What? Why not?
-It wouldn't have mattered.

It doesn't matter.
There's no point.

-You can't defend that.
-Where'd they go?

-No.
-Where's Dr. Kass's office?

No. No. Stop it.
Don't go in.

Let me try.
Let me try talking to them.

Stop helping me.

You didn't do this. I did. Me.

And it's done
and it's over with.

I gotta get out of here.
I gotta go.

Charlie, please, I gotta go. -I...
-All right.

[indistinct chattering]

Didn't your mom ever teach you
not to do that?

You could put
somebody's eye out.

Yeah, yeah, and I go swimming
right after I eat too.

I'm such a menace to society.

So when's your brother
taking that test for you?

As we speak, actually.

Listen, for the record,
I wasn't trying to corrupt you,

you know, making you that offer.

Yeah, I know.

So you're not gonna take
some big moral position

and rat me out, are you?

The truth is I was kind of gonna
ask if the offer still stands.

Yeah?

Yeah.

It does.

Okay.

Good. I appreciate it.

Friends are for.

Hey, you want to get lunch?

It's burrito day.

No. I don't want to have lunch.

I don't even
want to talk to you.

What? Julia, wait.

-What's wrong?
-I saw your essay, Justin.

Your entry for the Garber Award.

I'm sorry.

That you wrote it
or that I saw it?

No, that you saw it.

I can't believe that you would
do something so hurtful.

I said that I didn't want
you to find out about it.

-Why would I say that?
-That is not the point.

God, people are gonna read that

and they're gonna know
it was me.

What people? What people?

The head of the English
department's the only one.

Besides I'm the one
with my name on it.

It's not like I come across
so great either.

Is that what it is to you,
Justin, a story?

-No.
-An essay topic?

No. It was something
that was painful and difficult.

And, yes, I thought
it would be a good idea

to write about what happened.

It happened to me.

It's my pregnancy.
It's my miscarriage.

We don't share custody on that.

Man, you were like this then
and even now, you--

You don't see it.
I was there too.

I was a part of this,
and I have just as much right--

[bell rings]

To what?

To use it so you can
win some stupid award

so you can go to
some stupid Ivy league--?

You're not even listening to me.

You better withdraw that,
Justin.

You better go to the office
and you better get that essay.

[flipping channels]

[woman]
Tough as nails.

Quiet as an evening
in springtime--

[man]
Boring? You are boring.

[audience laughs]

Well, I did,

but you found it
so dreadfully funny.

What are you doing?

Lecturing on behavior
modification.

Did you call the school?

They said
they were very sorry

but that under
the circumstances my,

continued employment
isn't such a good idea.

Please don't look at me
like that.

-Kirsten--
-Don't.

I don't want you looking at me.

Okay.

I know it feels like it,

but I don't think this has to be
the end of the world.

I mean, you could--

I don't know-- You could
take a semester off, regroup.

And then--
And then I'm sure that--

Please, stop.

I know you mean well,
but just... Just don't.

Then tell me what you want me
to say or to do.

I just want--
Anything to-- To help you,

To make this better
for you.

I don't want it to be better.
Why should it be better?

I did this, and--
And I need to live with it.

I did it.

It is what it is.

I did it.

And I des-- I deserve it.

I...

I'm gonna stay home. I'm not
gonna go into work today.

Neither am I.

Do you want me to drive down

and get your stuff
from the apartment?

I'll go. You don't need to.

I have to take care of this.

I did this, and I have to
take care of this.

All right. All right.

We'll both go.

I'm-- I did it.

It's my fault.

And-- And-- And I deserve it,
and-- And I gotta...

I have to-- I have to just...

[Kristen sighs]

Intro to Geology, Econ 10. Ronni Nethoff, section for
Children's Literature.

She's one of our best.

Yes, I heard that.

That's why
I signed up for it.

What are you doing about
the computer requirement?

I took the proficiency test.

Doesn't it--?

Oh, sorry. It's right here.

You scored very well on that.

Top ten percent.

Oh, good. Yeah.

That was-- That was a relief.

Maybe you ought to think about
taking a degree in engineering.

I'll get back to you
on that.

Everything else is in order
here. That'll do it.

Okay.

Uh, you know, Bailey,

a lot of freshmen get really
thrown this first week,

getting adjusted and all.

You seem to be
sailing right through it.

Very impressive.

Thanks. Thank you.

We are happy to have you here.

[loud music playing]

You got something
to say to me?

Well, kind of.

Just so you know,
unless it starts with the words,

-"I'm sorry I wrote that--
-No, no.

I'm not gonna apologize,

and I'm not withdrawing
from the contest.

Well, then, I think we had
the right idea before.

Just walk away,
Justin, when you see me.

And when I see you,
I'll do that too,

and we'll both be happy.

Is that actually
gonna make you happy?

Yes.

What do you expect?

You go out of your way
to hurt me.

You think I would do that?

You think
that's why I did it?

What am I supposed to think?

I did it because
I wanted to win.

And yes, there was a slight
chance that you might find out

and that it would hurt you.

And yes, Julia,
I took that chance because

it is not my job to
look out for you in
the same way anymore,

and it's not your job
to look out for me.

I don't buy that. Okay. Fine.

There's one slot left
at Stanford.

It's between you and Sarah.
Who do you want to get it?

Come on, that's dumb.
That's never gonna be that way.

I know. I know.
Just answer the question.

Me.

All right. Fine.

Same scenario
except it's me and you.

Who are you rooting for?

Me.

Me too.

I mean, I'm rooting for me.

Yeah, I know.

Although when you get down to
it, I'm rooting for both of us.

I mean, if we both got into
wherever we wanted to go,

that'd be...

Yeah.

What about Sarah?

Who cares.

I've never seen her naked.

[engine spluttering]

[sighs]

We're here.

We're home.

Go on inside.
I'll get Bay or Julia to help.

I just want to sit here.

Go ahead.

I'll be up in...

in little bit.