Party of Five (1994–2000): Season 2, Episode 3 - Dearly Beloved - full transcript

[indistinct chattering]

Oh, I'll see
you guys later.

-Hey.
-Hey.

You realize this school
has a Litter Society?

Mm, for or against?

Gum?

Mm.

-This is your last piece.
-It's okay.

[indistinct chattering]

It says that they meet
on Mondays.

Heal the Bay,
is Tuesdays and Thursdays.



I might be able to swing
them both, unless...

You think those
are too similar?

You're actually
joining these?

I mean, don't take this
the wrong way, but you?

I gotta get more stuff
on my transcript,

you know, activities, awards.

Maybe I could
save a life.

You know? Um...

I don't know,
uh... uh...

Uh, Heimlich someone
in the cafeteria or something.

That would impress colleges,
don't you think?

Yeah, well, if you're gonna
ask me to choke on a chicken
bone during lunch,

that's where
I draw the line.

Some friend you are.



Class elections are coming up,
and you could run.

Ah, that's
a little geeky.

Well, not on a transcript.

And you'd win. I mean,
you'd definitely win.

Who wouldn't vote for you?

So, what, you mean,

like president?

Mm, Brian Cohen
wins that every year.

How about vice president?

Vice president?

I can do that.

And, and when you
think about it,

what are the odds
of the senior class president
dying in office?

-Although with my luck...
-God, Bailey.

You sure about
this chicken bone thing?

-Definitely.
-Okay.

-I'll see you.
-Bye.

[bell ringing]

[girl] All right, you guys,
meet me at my locker.

Griffin.

Hey, how's it goin'?

All right. You?

Um,

Listen, about
what happened with us,

it was nice
and everything.

I mean, I didn't not
like it, but there's Justin,

and I love Justin.

A lot.

Um, and you and I could
be friends, like we've been.

I mean,
I still want us to,

just nothing else.

I mean, we can't be
anything more.

Okay?

I hear you.

Good.

Good. Okay.

Um, so I should
go to French.

Yeah, right.

So I'll see you sometime.

-Hey.
-Yeah?

[theme song playing]

♪ Everybody wants to live ♪

♪ Like they wanna live ♪

♪ And everybody wants to love ♪

♪ Like they wanna love ♪

♪ Everybody wants to be ♪

♪ Closer to free ♪

♪ Closer to free ♪

There's Monica and Phil,
Greg and Carol,

and Robin and Steve
are a yes,

so that makes pretty much
the whole Berkeley gang.

It'll be cool
to see everybody.

You know,
they still can't believe

that bachelor No. 1,
Charlie Salinger,

is actually getting
married.

Well, I believe it.

I can't wait.

Mm. I'm speaking to Joe
about food later.

Any special requests?

I love this guy.

He's throwing you and Kirsten
an engagement party

at our house,
catered by our restaurant.

What kind of best friend
are you, anyway?

Just for that,
missy,

see if you get
a party out of me

when you and Justin
get hitched.

I'm outta here.
Walking? Riding?

[door slams]

That woman!
She's... I...

Oh, God!
I just wanted to...

[grunts]

[Charlie] Kirsten, what
are you doing here?

Your flight isn't
supposed to arrive
for another six hours.

One hell
of an efficient airline.

I mean, from the second
I got off the plane,

not, "Hello,
nice to see you."

No! No, no, no.

It was, "You can't have
gladiolus in your bouquet."

Why? Is that
against the law?

And, "Darling,

not a jazz ensemble."

Uh, I mean,
what a moron I must be.

But I said, "Fine.
It's your nickel."

Then we're at
the bridal boutique,

and every dress
I try on,

she doesn't
like the train,

or it's too low-cut.

I think "slutty" was
the actual word she used
for one of them.

Then I put this gown on.
It's perfect.

I love it.
The saleslady loves it.

My mother looks me
up and down, and she says,

"It's nice, dear,

if you want to look
like a poodle."

-Oh.
-Ouch.

Woof.

That was it.
I got dressed.

I got in a cab, and I went
straight to O'Hare.

Will you call and ask them
to UPS my suitcase back?

-My God, Kirsten, I--
-I don't want her input.

I don't want her opinion.

And they can keep their money.

It's you and me now, Charlie.

We are doing this ourselves.

It's just like sometimes...

I don't know what it is,

but do you ever feel,
like, alone?

Yeah, I do.

And I guess that means
we're not alone, right?

That's good, Paul.
Now try drawing Gail out

about what specifically
is bothering her.

[Justin] Okay, so we're
on the roof of this car,

and we're drinking tea.

And then all of a sudden,
the cable snaps,

and this thing starts
careening down Lombard Street.

And everybody's screaming,
except for you.

You keep saying,

"I know you won't let
anything happen to me."

And then the alarm
went off, I guess.

[sighs] Justin, come on.
We need to practice
doing this.

He's listening.

Fine. And, uh,
here's my problem,

Oh, anonymous hotline woman.

I, uh, don't know
what time

to pick up my girlfriend
tonight.

-Can you help me with that?
-Tonight?

Oh, um...

Wait. I can't.

All right, you guys.

You seem to be getting
pretty comfortable with this.

Why not?

Um, what's her name, Lynn,

you know, the new
salad chopper
or whatever she does,

she asked me
to fill in for her.

[Mr. Peck] It's people you
know too. It's the guy sitting
next to you in English,

the girl behind you in Math.

They got problems.

She's got stomach flu.

And it pretty much
comes down to two words,

trust and truth.

You gotta get that caller
to trust you.

But you're not gonna do
anybody any good

if you're not
telling the truth.

Invitations, church,
banquet hall, clothing,

caterer, bands,
flowers, photographer.

Whoa.

You guys better tell people
cash gifts only.

-I think that's tacky.
-Yeah?

Well, can you afford
$450 for flowers?

You know, Kirsten,
I was thinking--

Four-fifty for flowers?

They're just gonna die.

...maybe you'd want
to get married in our
Mom's wedding dress.

Mm, uh, well,
I'm sure it's lovely.

-But I have a specific idea--
-Wait. I'll show you.

Why don't you find
somebody getting married
the day before you,

and buy their flowers
from them?

It's not like anybody's
gonna know the difference,
right?

Bay, that is either
the stupidest thing
I've ever heard,

or you're really
on to something.

-[Bailey] Huh?
-What?

-You don't think that's--
-[Julia] Here it is.

Our grandmother got
married in it, and Mom,

and Claud and I are
gonna get married in it.

Kind of a family tradition.

Well, it's your
family tradition.

Well, aren't you
joining our family?

Well, yeah, I--

Not to mention the nine
to $1200 it would save.

Wow!

Kirsten, I've taken
the liberty

of highlighting
some China patterns.

Or we can register
tomorrow, if you want.

I think we're more
the paper-plate type.

And besides, the breakfront
in the dining room

is full of dishes, cups,
beautiful things.

Yes, beautiful.

But, uh, does the word "dibs"
mean anything to you?

I really wish you'd think
about the dress.

Uh, I'm thinking ix-nay
and filet mignon.

-Mm.
-[sighing]

[Claudia]
Look, Macy's, 3:30.

Be there.

[whistles]

Ooh.

[doorbell ringing]

-Hey.
-Oh, good evening, sir. I'm collecting money
to help subsidize nose jobs

for some
of the underprivileged girls
in our senior class.

These are people's names?

They're very nice names.
Some of them I even recognize.

It's the signatures,
you need to be a candidate

for vice president.

Wait a second,
you didn't really--

Bailey, look, it took, like,
ten minutes to get these.

I mean, people love you.

That was a dumb idea.
It was a dumb idea.

I'd never even win.

What do you wanna bet
you would?

-You wanna bet money?
-You're nuts.

How about dinner
and a movie?

Dinner and a movie
says that you'll win.

I don't even know anything

about this
student-government stuff.

So then I'll help you.

I will. I'll manage
your campaign.

I'll be the woman
behind the man.

Come on.
We'll do it together.

Okay, I'm in.

Great, you know,
there is tons to do.

I mean, we have to come up
with a platform,

write a speech,
make posters.

Well, you better get moving.

Ha ha. Look,
I'm free now.
Are you free?

Uh, you know what? No.

Tonight is a really bad night.
I got a ton of homework to do.

-I better be going, then.
-Okay.

So, we'll start tomorrow?

Tomorrow.

Okay.

It's a date.

Define "date".

Eight Hundred Sixty-Three,
864, 865--

What are you doin'?

I'm counting to a thousand.

Ten didn't work.

A hundred didn't work.

What are you
so steamed about?

Them.

Them who?

Them who do you think?

They're as bad
as my mother or worse.

Because they had some ideas
about the wedding?

Oh! Oh!

You didn't hear
Bailey's latest.

He suggested we charge
people for parking.

Charge them!

I swear we're gonna have
the only reception in history

with a $5 cover
at the door!

Kirsten, they're involved because they're happy
we're getting married.

Isn't that better than
if they didn't want
anything to do with it?

No. Listen to me.

I'm marrying you,
not them.

This is our wedding,
not theirs.

And I have to tell you,
my mother used up
my very last nerve.

I got her off
my case, Charlie.

Now it's your turn.

Kirsten, I think you left
your perspective in Chicago
or something.

You are definitely
overreacting here.

Fine. You think that?

You're on the record.

But you tell them,

I am not planning
our wedding by committee.

I mean it.

[soft rock music playing]

[woman] Here you are.

Thanks.

[indistinct chattering]

♪ A world unfold ♪

♪ Of possibility ♪

Hi.

Hey.

I would've ordered
for you, but I wasn't
sure that you'd show.

Yeah, neither was I.

So, what do you want?

Oh! Uh, I'm fine.

[sighs]

It's kind
of noisy tonight.

Kind of stuffy too.

It's nice outside,
lots of stars.

♪ ...through these
Lonely years ♪

♪ And I'll keep you close ♪

♪ Just so I can see ♪

♪ A world unfold ♪

♪ Of possibility ♪

What are you doing?

You know, some of these
China patterns aren't bad.

You wanna see?

Sure.

It's three in the morning,
what else do I have to do?

You were right, Charlie.

I guess I was still having
leftover mother anxiety,

so when the kids
started jumping in,

well, as we say
in the psych world,

it was kind of
a conditioned response.

But I know it's different.

And I know they mean well.

I told you.

And anyhow, you and I have
final say about the wedding,

so what harm could it do

to let them feel
like it's theirs too?

None at all.

[sighs]

I hate those,
by the way.

Yeah, me too.

How come all this ritual
matters so much?

I don't know.
It does, doesn't it?

Maybe it's an excuse
to show off.

You get to say
to everybody, you know,

"Look who I got.
Look who loves me."

And then 'cause you
feel sorry for them

for not being
as lucky as you,

you feed them
an expensive prime rib.

[both laughing]

That must be it.

Hi. Were we gonna
walk to school together
or something?

Uh-uh. No.

I figured, since I
missed you last night... Oh, I missed you too.

Hey. Where would you be
if you were a physics book?

No, no. I, uh... I mean, I, uh,

came by to see you
at the restaurant
and you weren't there.

Oh.

Oh, well, what happened
is Lynn ended up feeling better,

and she didn't
wanna miss her shift

'cause she's got
that little girl,

so she showed up after all.

You said
you had a report.

Yeah. Yeah.

I got little antsy
after the 42nd year

of the Hundred Year War.

Found it.

So, tonight?

I mean, are you, uh,
busy or anything?

Well, aren't you doing
something with your Dad?

No. I bagged it.

I mean,
I like him and all,

but he's just not
as cute as you are.

Well, I have to have
dinner with everybody.

Oh.

Well, I'll pick you up
at the restaurant.

No, I got a couple
of errands, you know,

and it's kind of
out of your way,

but I can meet you
wherever.

All right.

We could go hear some music.
Or you know what?

They're gonna
blow up this building
down at the wharf.

Be kind of cool
to watch that.

One big blast
and it's all gone.

I've got two words
for you, Kirsten.

Cash bar.

That never would have
occurred to me.

See? Just keep asking.
I got a million of them.

Hey, you know
what would be great?

I'm glad you're wearing
Mom's dress. You know,
keep up the tradition.

It's probably
not too yellow...

-Mm-mm.
-Terrific.

There is that
weird-shaped stain on it,

but I'm sure laundry
techniques are so much
more advanced these days.

You know what'd be great?

What? What would
be great, Claud? Why don't they have
their wedding here?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God,
that is brilliant!

-Uh, I don't--
-No, no.

Listen! It would be
practically free.

Yeah! That's true.

No. No.

I can help decorate.

I can make those tulips
with crepe paper and straws.

They're very lifelike.

And you've got
the stereo for music.

No. No.

Oh, and an entire choice
of the menu.

And the party could go
till, like, four in the morning,

and wouldn't cost any extra.

Plus, there's ample parking.

Charlie!

[Bailey] Oh, man,
he's gonna go wild for this.

Wait, wait.
Let me tell him.

-[Claudia] Good idea, huh?
-[Julia] Mmm!

[Bailey] So, it's my
Fourteenth birthday,

and Will gives me this shirt.

The ugliest thing
you've ever seen.

Had to be on sale
for, like, 90 percent off.

So for his next birthday,

I wrapped it up,
and I gave it back to him.

And then it
became this joke

where every year,
we'd give each other
the shirt.

Only now
there's this challenge

.where we have to think
of ways to surprise
the other person with it,

Like how?

Well, like last year,
I put it on Thurber

and I let him into Will's room
while he was sleeping.

So, uh... so, when's
your birthday?

I'm not telling you now.

Chicken.

[Owen stirs]

Uh-oh.

Shh.

Oh, God. It's late.

You know what?
We should really do
the speech.

-Right.
-Okay.

Okay.

What do we
have so far?

"Fellow classmates..."

[both chuckle]

Okay, um, wait. Try something.

Say the first thing
that comes into your head.

Okay, I have excellent...

Posture.

Oh, that'll sell you.

Would breath be better?

Okay, I'm running
for office...

Under incredible duress.

If elected...

I will demand a recount.

Oh, okay. That's gonna be
your speech, Bailey.

I'm writing it down.

No, you're not.

-Yes, I am.
-You are not.

Give me that.

Give it back.

[giggles]

I never realized
you were such a nerd.

I'm not.

Yes, you are.

You are. You get this
look on your face,

and your eyebrows get
all furrowed like it's
so important to you.

So?

So it's cute.

Yeah?

Yeah.

So, you know
what I'm thinking?

No.

How about

you just write it
for me?

Hey.

[panting] Hi.

Griffin, I, um...
I can't stay this time.

It's an awful long way
to tell me that.

I have to see
Justin tonight.

I mean, I want to.

So just...

Well, I'm going to.

Okay.

Okay.

Why is that okay?

What?

Well, I mean, why is that
not a problem for you?

Because he's
your boyfriend.

It doesn't bother you
that I saw you last night

and tonight
I'm gonna see him?

I mean, I don't even know
why I'm doing this.

I'm lying all the time,
and I can't sleep.

And you know, if Justin
found out about this,

his head would fly off.

Better not tell him, then.

[sighs] Do you, like,
want me to stay?

I mean, is there
any part of you

that wants to say,
"Please don't go"?

You know, "I don't want
you to see him."

Look, I've got this rule.

I don't tell anybody
what to do,

and nobody tells me.

And it works.

God, Griffin,

you could at least

care.

Kirsten, where's my...
Man!

I can't look, or we'll
have bad luck, right?

Oh, I think
we're way past that.

[chuckles]

It's not
a perfect fit, huh?

They can take
that hem out, right?

If you say another word
about this dress,

I'm gonna have to kill you.

Can I do something
for you?

When I was little,

I would take one of my
Dad's white shirts

and put it on my head
like a veil.

I would make believe
our driveway was the aisle.

I would pick flowers
for my bouquet.

I've dreamt about
my wedding day for years,

except it wasn't
like this.

I didn't look like
the Land of the Giants.

My parents
still talked to me.

And for the reception,
we were in a ballroom,
Charlie,

a ballroom!

Not in a Naugahyde booth!

-Kirsten--
-Don't touch me!

Okay, all right,
obviously this matters to you,

so we will figure out
another way to do the wedding. No, no, no!
These are signs.

Signs? What are you
talking about?

God is trying
to tell us something.

-God?
-Or somebody.

Look. I'm getting a twitch
in my eye, right there.

So you're
a little anxious.

"A little anxious"?

A little anxious?

I'm gonna need a straitjacket!

Hey, why don't I wear
one of those!

It's white!
It's classic!

-Kirsten--
-And it would have to fit me
better than this!

You know, this is
not a bad speech.

I mean, at 2 a.m.,
anything sounds good,

but I reread it just now.

-Do I have to memorize it?
-Oh, it's not too long.

Oh, and this is what I did.
I put myself in your head you know so it would sound
like you, funny, smart,

a little self-effacing
but in a good way, you know.

And, in the end,
somebody that you'd want

to play an important part
in your life.

Who are you
talking about?

Oh, your brother.

Oh. Which one?

Do you wanna read it?

I'll read it later.

Thanks.
Do you have any gum?

Sure.

Cool. Thanks.
See you, guys.

You wrote that speech
for him?

Well, we both
worked on it.

You know, Sarah, this election
is so not his thing.

I mean, he doesn't
even talk about it.

Why are you even bothering?

Uh, because.

Don't ask me that, okay?

Do you know
what a poker face is?

-Yeah.
-You don't have one.

Yeah, but it's just that

when I'm with him,
you know?

Oh, God. I shouldn't be
talking to you about this.

Uh, please,
don't say anything to him.

You know,
the thing is, Sarah,

if he's not
paying any attention

or saying things like,
"Let's be together"

or, "Please don't
see anyone else,"

and you stick
around for that,

then it's kind of your problem
that you feel bad.

Trust me.

But you'll find
the right guy.

I mean,
he's out there.

The one who tells you
that he has dreams about you.

That's who
you wanna be with.

[giggles]
This is funny.

The show at Atlas tonight.
Who's it from?

The right guy.

[door opens]

When we get a divorce,
you get this.

[rattling]

[thudding]

I, uh... Uh-oh.

I'm feeling
a bit of a chill.

Kids, kids, kids,

tell Uncle Dudley
what the problem is.

Let's share a little.

Ask her.

Something to do with God
and the cost of ice sculptures.

Be quiet.

Do you guys know
that statistically

73 percent of all couples
end up hating each other

during the course
of planning a wedding?

-You made that up.
-Yes, I did.

But I'm probably not far off.

Pledging undying love for all
eternity is stressful enough,

but then you got
the whole ceremony deal.

You got music. You got food.

You're practically producing
dinner theater on top of it.

Am I right?

No wonder you're both
a little nuts.

Believe me,
this will pass.

I tell you, though,
for my money,

the best way to do
one of these things
is a quickie in Reno.

No muss, no fuss,
no bother.

Bing, bang, boom.

You're in. You're out.
You're married.

That's just me.

[indistinct chattering]

You're so adorable.

No kidding.

Any particular
reason why?

Come on, you know.

No. I don't.

But what the hell,
as long as you think so.

Justin, I found--

Okay, troops,
big night tonight.

A bunch of you are gonna get
a run at the real thing.

I need volunteers
for the seven to ten slot.

Wow! Would you look at
that show of hand.

-Justin.
-What?

We can't.

-Why not?
-[laughs] Come on!

Oh, come on,
don't be nervous.

We're ready for this.
You'll be great.

Paul. Justin.

Yeah, and Julia too.

[Mr. Peck] Julia?

Yes?

Yeah.

[sighs]

Heads up.

Yeah. All right.

Whoa. I'm impressed.

Yeah, I used to play
at sleep-away camp
before I got short.

So did you read
the speech?

Ah!

I left it in my locker.
I'm sorry.

I'd love to have
a pair of sneakers

named after me someday,

Air Baileys.

Oh, it's good to have a goal.

I've started noticing that
some of the other candidates

are putting those
posters up in the halls.

Mm, I saw that too. Maybe you should do some.

Three-pointer!

Yes! What?

You don't give a damn
about this, do you?

Yes, I do.
I give a couple of damns.

Two or three damns, at least.

You're hilarious, has anyone
ever told you that?

Look, Sarah, it's not
like I was ever

rah-rah jumping up and down
about being vice president.

I mean, you did
kind of push.

Well, then, you know,

of course I should make
the posters by myself.

I suppose I ought to give
the speech for you, too,

since you can't even
bother to read it!

Do you have any homework
that you need done while
I am at it?

Wait a second. Wait a second.
That's not fair.

No! You're right!

You know, you are
absolutely right.

Someone's following you
around like a...

like a stupid puppy,

what else are you supposed
to do but yell, "Go fetch"?

-Sarah--
-No!

It's my fault.

Okay? It's me.

So you can do the campaign
yourself or don't do it,
whatever.

But I quit. I'm done.

No, no, no, no.
Don't be embarrassed.

That's why I'm here,
you know?

To, uh, to listen to you.

[chuckles]
Yeah.

So, why don't you tell me
what's goin' on?

[girl on phone] It's...

It's my boyfriend.

I mean, I love him.

He's great.

But something got messed up.

All of a sudden,
we're so not connecting.

I don't even know
where he is half the time.

And if we have plans,
he'll show up late.

Sometimes he doesn't
even bother to.

And when I ask him about it,

there's always
some wild story.

And he kisses different.

And I know this sounds funny,

but he even smells different.

I don't know if it's
some place or someone.

I asked him, but he told me
I was making it up.

I really think
he's cheating on me.

I think you might be right.

One minute,
everything's fine,

and, you know, we're shooting
baskets and stuff.

Then the next minute,
she's talking about...

I don't know, dogs
or something, and flipping
out at me.

And I didn't do anything.

I mean, what did I do?
Do you think I did something?

Women are complicated.

That's part of our charm.

-Julia.
-Where have you been?

Doesn't matter.

That what I should tell Justin
next time he calls?

You smell like smoke.

Justin called?

-[Claudia] What's going on?
-Forget it.

-Not good, Jule.
-You forget it too.

Hey, one day, I'm gonna crack
your little code,

and then you'll both be sorry.

-I'm going to bed.
-No, no. Wait.

[locks door]

Okay, look,
we need your opinion

about what to get
Kirsten and Charlie,

you know,
as a wedding present.

Bailey thinks we should
get them a gravy boat.

Wow. Could you pick
something less personal?

A nice one.

Hey, I know.

Why don't we
get it videotaped?

The wedding,
as our present to 'em?

Like Owen, I mean,
he's not even gonna
remember any of this.

Then at least this way, I know
it's not the same thing,

but, hey, it's pretty close.

And Charlie and Kirsten,

how else will they actually
get to see the ceremony?

That's a good point.

Yeah. That's nice, Claud.

Yeah, it's...

something they'll have forever.

We all will.

They're gonna be
so mad at us.

You said it yourself.
This isn't about them.

It's about you and me.

But it seems so criminal,
sneaking out this way.

I think it's sexy.

Anyway, we're gonna be back
in time for Dud's party.

I don't know.

Kirsten, I would
marry you

in the window at Macy's.
I would marry you on a bus,

whatever it takes
so that we are together

and you do not have
one more second
of aggravation over this.

[sighs] So let's get going,
Mrs. Salinger-to-be.

Bennett-Salinger? We'll negotiate.

Okay.

Come on. We don't wanna
miss our flight.

This is a joke.

Right?

We found it on the fridge
this morning.

I guess none of us
heard them leave.

What was their
big hurry? Huh?

I mean, it's not like
she wouldn't sleep with him
until they were married.

To hell with you, Charlie.

To hell with both of you.

How could they
do this to us?

It's like they couldn't even
bother to stop to think

that maybe
this matters to us.

This is...

I mean, it's not like,

"Hey, we're going
grocery shopping.
Wanna come with us?"

This is
our brother's wedding.

And you'd think at least,
at the very least,

they would be honest with us.

See if I ever talk
to them again.

Claud?

Forget it. I'm not.

I wanted to be there.

I wanted to watch them say
all that mushy stuff.

And I wanted to play
the wedding march

and for us to throw rice,

and maybe you'd catch
the bouquet.

I wanted to watch them dance.

I wanted to dance.

It's always sad stuff.

We're always together
for the sad stuff.

Just once...

why couldn't we be together
for something happy?

[streetcar bell ringing]

[Julia] Look, I admit it.
You're right.

I mean, I know
I should have called you,

but I just kind of panicked.

Justin, really.

I kept thinking, "What if
I say the wrong thing?

Or I make the person calling
feel even worse?"

And I knew you'd be upset,

and I knew Mr. Peck
would be upset.

But I just
couldn't do it,

and I felt too stupid
to tell you. Okay?

Do you remember
when we were, like, eight,

and our families took
this vacation together
to San Diego?

Sure. Of course I do.

I remember we were
in this park by the zoo.

Oh, my God.

I completely forgot
that was the trip.

We were gonna go
on the seesaw,

and you decided
that you wanted to be funny

and jump on it
real fast.

And the thing flew up
and hit me in the chin.

Seven stitches
right there.

Probably never be able
to grow a decent beard.

[giggles]

You remember
how freaked out you were?

Yeah, I cried
more than you.

Kept saying that I couldn't
trust you anymore,

that, now that you did this,
and you swore that I could,

that you'd never do
anything like that again.

Yeah.

I was just thinking
about that.

[answering machine beeping]

Sarah, it's me again.
Are you there?

[violin playing]

Okay, you're not.

You know, sometimes
I can be so dense.

I should've realized
what was going on.

So here's what I did.

I talked to Will, and he's
gonna take over the campaign.

And you can still be involved,

you know,
if you still wanna be.

But he's gonna do
all the ground work.

So that should fix
everything with us, right?

And feel free to call me a jerk
next time we see each other.

Bye.

Okay, make yourself useful.
Here you go.

Come on, Dud.

We could still call everyone
if we split the list.

No way, Bailey.

Like I said before,
the show must go on. The kegs I bought
are nonrefundable.

So, believe me,
there's gonna be a party.

How's Claud?

[violin playing]

She's been playing
that same piece over
and over again

for the past two hours.

[Dudley] Don't' worry.
The peanut will get over it.

-Oh, by the way, Jules?
-Mmm?

Some guy called
for you named Geffen.

-Griffin?
-Griffin. Right.

I told him you were out,

but I said there's
gonna be a party here today
so come on right over.

No, you didn't.

Dudley, tell me you didn't.

Sorry, doll.

Oh, God.

So what? So Griffin's coming.
What's the big deal?

Oh. Oh, forget it.
Nothing. You're right.

Wait a second.
That's who you've been
sneaking around with?

With Griffin?
You're kidding, right?

You know, Bailey, this is
so none of your business.

I don't get you.
What about Justin?

Huh? He's like...

He's great. And that
is how you treat him?

-That is so--
-Excuse me!

You're one to talk.
The way you treat Sarah.

-Sarah?
-You totally use her.

No, I don't. I do not.

And besides,
we're not talking about me.

We're talking about you.

No, we aren't.

[organ music playing]

[man] Eleven, please.

All right, step right up.

They look nervous.

Dearly beloved...

We could go back to that one
down the street with the Elvis.

I don't think so.

[rattling]

This is gonna make one hell
of a story to tell Owen.

[giggles]

Definitely.

[both sigh]

You didn't bring
a camera, did you?

Didn't you?

Maybe they have one here.

Probably costs extra.

No. They throw that in.

No charge.

Oh, good.

Thanks.

[man] Number 12.

[people chattering]

[soft rock music playing]

Don't think of it as an
engagement party, exactly.

It's more of a very casual
wedding reception.

Right. Where none of us
was invited to the ceremony.

[indistinct chattering]

-Griffin.
-Hey, nice spread.

Uh, listen,
you've gotta leave.

I'm not kidding.
Justin's coming. I'm gonna grab a beer.
You want something?

Look, I'm telling you,
you can't be here
when he gets here.

Oh.

Ah.

I'm staying.

Why are you doing this?

Maybe there'd be
some dancing later.

Hey, Claud.
Party's out back.

I'm boycotting.

Okay.

Hey, good. You're here.

Add that to the pile
and come on outside.

There's, uh-- There's no
guests of honor, unfortunately,

but got plenty of food.

I'm, um...

I'm not gonna stay.

Why not?

Why not? You're not
still pissed off at me.

You got the message
I left, right?

Yeah.

Well, so then everything's
cool between us.

Will's gonna take over,
you don't have to do anymore--

God, would you stop
talking about
the stupid election?

Why? What is going on
with you?

Did you really think
that I was doing all of this
because I'm so civic-minded?

Or because I really care
who governs the student body?

Or that it matters to me
whether it's me or Will

who hangs your posters
in the hallway?

God, I did it because
I'm in love with you,
you jerk!

Feel free not
to say anything.

What bit you?

-Justin.
-Hey, you.

Um, listen,
can we go inside?

I'm getting, like,
mosquito-bitten.

Yeah, I wanna get
something to drink.

There's stuff there too.

What's he doing here?

Are he and Bailey,
like, friends now?

What?

I, um...

Oh, God.

Justin, no, it was...

Look, let's just
go over here. Come on.

It's not what you think. What do I think?

-What do I think?
-I don't know, but it's not--

That you've been lying to me?

Justine, please,
can we just talk about this?

Oh, okay, okay, uh...

So what, have you been,
uh, seeing him?

Is that it?

Stop it!

Oh, I... I knew it.

I-I knew there was
something up with you.

But him?

Him?

Oh...

Are you, uh...

Are you and him...

Justin, I love you.

Then tell him to beat it.

Go ahead.

He's right out there.
Go tell him.

Then that's it.

-Justin, don't--
-Don't.

Just forget it, okay?

[Bailey] What, did you think
we wouldn't mind?

[Claudia] I don't care
what you have to say.

Claudia, please.
We need you too.

Okay, I think I speak
for the group here.

Kirsten and Charlie,

oh, and take this in the spirit
of which it's intended.

You guys are major creeps!

You run off.
You leave us a note?

Yeah, I mean,
you ruined all our plans.

Guys, we didn't do it.

We didn't get married.

What?

It was a joke?

No. We were going to.

We got all the way to Reno.

We found
a 24-hour chapel,

and, uh,
we waited.

And then
it was our turn.

So we, uh, we walked up
this ratty aisle.

And this justice
of the peace...

Man, he looked like somebody
right out of Mayberry.

And he starts off
the way they usually do,

"Dearly beloved."

And we looked around,
and there was nobody there.

Just some guys
in polyester tuxes

and women in shiny dresses
waiting for their turn.

And it's like...

I never even thought
about that expression
until that second.

"Dearly beloved."

That's you.

Only you weren't there.

That's really, I mean...

Without you guys, what
would have been the point?

So we couldn't.

So we didn't.

So we left.

I hope you're still free
the third weekend in November.

I think we can clear
our schedules.

You wimps.

I knew you couldn't
go through with it.

Jeez, now I gotta go spring
for another present.

Come on.

Get your butts outside,
there's a party goin' on.

[crowd applauds]

All right. Okay.
Hold it down. Excuse me.

Pardon me. False alarm.

Thank you.
False alarm.

They didn't do it.

If you can stop yapping
for a second,

I'd like to propose a toast
to the non-newlyweds

since I'm Charlie's
second-best man.

-Before I do,
-[Bailey] Here you go.

[Dudley] uh, anybody here
who think that Kirsten
is too good for Charlie,

please raise your hand.

Oh, shut up.

[soft rock music playing]

[Dudley] Sweetheart, tell me,
do you have any idea

what you're
getting yourself into?

Have you given
this any thought?

♪ I don't have a say, go on ♪

[indistinct chattering]

♪ Still I open my heart
Like a window ♪

♪ But the cold
Washes through once again ♪

♪ Unlucky couldn't
Carry the moment ♪

[Dudley] To Kirsten!
[man] Yeah!

♪ If only I knew one ♪

♪ 'Cause it wouldn't be
Just for a lifetime ♪

♪ And it's more than
My sense can take ♪

♪ Wait for love
To restore beside me ♪

♪ One last time ♪