Party of Five (1994–2000): Season 2, Episode 14 - Strange Bedfellows - full transcript

So is it, like, serious,
more than three dates?

Well, this makes five.
You tell me.

-It's serious.
-It's serious.

You guys are gonna love her.

She's, she's funny,
and, and, and smart.

And, and, and late.

God, I am so late.

Hey, handsome.
Cool shirt.

Oh, you wouldn't believe
what happened to me.

I go get my nails done, right?

And this chick is having
this total
nervous breakdown.



She caught her boyfriend
cheating on her.

Something. Anyways,
she wouldn't shut up.

The whole time
she's doing my cuticles.

I'm, like, "God, hello, lady,

I have a date, okay?"

-Gina, this is--
-Oh, my God.

I am such a brain donor.
You must be Billy.

Uh, Bailey. Yeah. Hi.

And you are Sharon,
Sherry... Hmm. Whew!

I am so bad with names!

Sarah. I'm really--

Sarah. Duh!
How could I forget that?

We had a cat named Sarah,
but it died.

Cancer.
Isn't that funny?



[Gina laughs]

I mean, it's not funny
that it died.

Actually,
it's kind of sad.

Anyway.

-Well, it's really nice to--
-Oh, listen.

I'm gonna have
whatever you're having,

but, God, no caffeine
or I'm gonna be
bouncing off the walls.

Listen, I gotta
hit the wee-wee.

Don't go anywhere.
We'll totally bond.

Did you hear that?

Um, which part?

She thinks I'm handsome.

Hmm.

-And how about this one?
-Oh!

You wore that dress
to our anniversary party,
remember?

Yeah, but it hangs
kind of funny on my waist.

Just be thankful
you still have a waist.

[both chuckle]

Put it in the pile.

There's no reason
the homeless shouldn't have
a few stylish things too.

Mm.

I've really missed you.
You know that?

You guys never hang around
the house anymore.

And please, don't tell me
it's because
you've outgrown me.

Of course not.
We've just been so busy
and all, with school.

I just wish
you'd come over more.

Nobody talks at my house.

Justin's always off
doing a million things,

and his dad's
always working.

I don't know what's going on
with those two.

That's why I roped everybody
into this clothing drive.

You know, I thought
maybe if we spent
a little time together...

Let me help you with that.

I'm just so glad
you two got back together.

Yeah. Me too.

I mean, you're just...

You're good together.
You know, you're really...

Oh, I'll get it.
I'll get it.

-Oh.
-Oh!

Oh.

Um...

Well, I guess we should
take this stuff out
to the car, huh?

[theme song playing]

♪ Everybody wants to live ♪

♪ Like they wanna live ♪

♪ And everybody wants to love ♪

♪ Like they wanna love ♪

♪ Everybody wants to be ♪

♪ Closer to free ♪

♪ Closer to free ♪

[girls chattering]

No, I swear.

Why do you think he had
his backpack over his lap?

Oh, Jody.

Hey, I don't
make the news.

Hey, you want a smoke?

Best one of the day,
right after math.

Uh, I don't know.

I guess.

Hey, anybody got fire?

Dweebs.

Hey, you got a--

Oh, addictive little
suckers, aren't they?

Ms. Schrader. Um, hi.

I, um...

-We were just...
-Looking for a light?

I'd love to help you,

but Principal Bullock
would probably have me flogged.

Come on, Jody.
You know the drill.

I see your mom
more than I see my cat.

And as for you,

your brother's in
for quite a surprise.

[bell rings]

Hey, Gina loved you guys.

She went on and on
about you.

Really? Gina went
on and on? Wow.

Isn't she a crack-up?

God, she's got
this incredible energy.

Oh, she said to tell you,

uh, next time
you get a migraine,

try cold compresses
and Yogi Tea.

You feeling better?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was
just a caffeine headache.

-I'm fine now.
-Good.

Because we're all
gonna go see

the new Harrison Ford movie
tonight, my treat.

-Um, Sarah--
-Bailey--

I mean, it was
always weird

with just the three of us,

but now that I'm seeing
someone, we can double.

Wait a minute. Did you say
tonight, as in tonight?

Oh, God, I...
That's right. I forgot.
We have that...

-That thing.
-The test.

Yeah. He's got
a test this week.

And I promised
to help him study.

It covers the Crusades,

and they took,
man, like, forever.

So I gotta get
a jump on it.

And I promised
to help him study, so...

-[Bailey] Rain check?
-Yeah. Yeah.

Bye. -[knocks]
-Aah!

Oh. Ha-ha.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm a little jumpy.

Who are you?

I'm, uh, Charlie Salinger.

Um, Claudia's brother.

Are you Ms. Schrader?

Uh, I'm Emily.

And I'm not really nuts.

I, uh, just quit
three days ago, smoking,

so I'm kind of nuts.

Oh, God. It'll pass.
It'll pass, I hope.

Uh, carrot?

Um, no. No, thanks.

-I already ate.
-Oh.

So, what's this about...
About Claudia?

I got a message that you,
you sent her to detention.

Uh, yeah.
Um, bottom desk drawer.

Would you mind?

-She was smoking?
-In the girls' room.

Um, could you, um,
put those in your pocket?

And button it, okay?

Man, I...

I don't know what's going on
with her lately. It's...

Yeah, well,

you need to talk to her
before it gets out of control.

I mean, before you know it,
she'll be up to a pack a day,

eating cold cereal for dinner

and composing personal ads
in her head,
while she puffs away.

And then she'll probably
find herself

on the rebound
from an empty relationship.

And that's when
she'll realize

she has to take charge
of her life

and give up smoking
and caffeine

and sugar,
all in one fell swoop,

and she'll try to quit.

And that is when
she'll find out

how hard it is
to start her life over

without all those crutches.

I mean...

[laughs]

Oh, wow.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I sort of went off
there, didn't I?

That's okay.

I... I think I know
how you feel.

Oh, really?
You quit too?

Well, no,
but the starting over part.

Oh, right. Right.

So, anyway, talk to her.

Offer her
some kind of deal.

Use positive reinforcement,
something.

Then maybe I won't have to
call you down here again.

Well, that's

not really a problem.

Aren't you gonna
yell at me?

I'm not sure yet.

I mean, Ms. Schrader
and I talked,

and we both think that
you probably already know

what a stupid thing
you're doing

and how it causes cancer
and emphysema and death.

And I figure you're
probably just doing it

because you think
it makes you look cool,

so what good's
yelling gonna do?

So maybe we should
just, you know,
be reasonable.

I was thinking
maybe we could
work something out.

What happened in there?
You're scaring me.

No, look. What do you want,
within reason?

A new bike?
A leather jacket?

Let's make a deal.

I'll give it some thought.

So Emily,

I mean, Ms. Schrader,
what's her story?

She's gotta be
what, 25, 26?

Oh, no.

What?

You're amazing, Charlie,
you know that?

Look, you want me
to quit smoking?

It won't cost you a penny.

Just stay away
from my teacher.

-Claudia.
-No. I mean it.

The last thing I need
is you making
Ms. Schrader miserable,

which is exactly what
you'll end up doing.

Hey, you said
anything within reason.

Well, this seems
pretty reasonable to me.

Deal?

Okay. Okay.

Deal.

[rock music playing]

Hey, this song's
kinda cool.

You know what?
Maybe we should cover this.

Maybe.

Oh, my God!
Look who's here!

[Bailey] Will!

[Sarah] Gina.

Can you believe it,
we were just
talking about you!

Yeah. I was telling her
about that test
you were cramming for.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, you know,
we just, uh, kinda
got burnt out, so--

Yeah, it was too late
to meet you guys
at the movies.

[Gina] Oh, you didn't
miss anything.

The only seats
that were left

were, like,
in the front row,
on the side.

So the screen was like
this huge trapezoid,

or whatever shape
you wanna call it.
You know, like this--

We left right after
the previews. It was awful.

-Wasn't it, Will?
-Totally. It was--

We're glad we left.
Because now we get
to see you.

-Hello!
-Hello.

Whoo! Sucky tune!

Doesn't he
look cute tonight?

Come on, Willy.

On the dance floor, now.

You had to study, huh?

Right.

Look, I'm sorry to drag you
both in here like this.

I know it's embarrassing,

and I don't even wanna be
having this conversation, but...

Maybe we should've realized
this was going on.

I don't know.

The fact is,

you're too young.

Oh, come on. Like you guys
didn't have sex
before you were married?

What if something
happened, Justin?

Have you thought
about that?

-Have you?
-I'm sorry.

-I mean, we're sorry.
-No, no. We're not sorry.

I don't know
what the big deal is.

I mean,
we're always careful--

Justin, that's
not the point.

We know that you two
are always responsible. Then why are you acting
like we blew up
a building or something?

I mean, we're careful.
We're not hurting anybody.

-I don't wanna hear this--
-Whoa. Whoa. Wait a second.

Your mother's talking
to you now, Justin.

Meaning what?

You don't have
anything to add?

You know what,
I'm getting sick and tired
of your attitude

and you continue this,
we're gonna have a problem!

-You guys, come on.
-Justin, you---

Will you cut it out,
please!

Can we just, please,
talk about this?

Justin, you think
nothing's gonna happen,

but it can.

And then what?

Julia, I know
what's going on with you.

I think you're letting
your hormones
make decisions for you.

That is dangerous.
It's a mistake.

And it has to stop.

I'm sorry,
but that's not a request.

Yeah, well, why don't you guys
stay out of our business,

and we'll stay out of yours.

Come on, Julia.

[Mrs. Thompson] Justin!

[Mr. Thompson] Justin!

[Mrs. Thompson] Justin!

[door slams]

Nah, it was just, you know,

crazy in that place.
And so,

I guess we just
lost you in the crowd.

I mean, we looked for you
before we left.

When we couldn't
find you,

we just figured
you guys took off, so... Man, why don't you,
why don't you
just come out and say it?

Say what?

You don't like her.

What?

Will, come on.

It's not that
I don't like her. It's...

I mean, she's great.
You know, she's great.

You know, she just...

She never
stops talking, though.

She's got a lot
of energy. That's all.

And she's not like that
when it's just the two of us.

She gets nervous
around people.
You have to get to know her.

That's pretty hard to do
when she never lets you
finish a sentence.

And she's kind of
opinionated,
don't you think?

What, and you aren't?

Look, I'm your
best friend, right?

Debatable at the moment.

And if your best friend
can't tell you stuff,

you know, or make, like,
observations, then who can?

So I just think that

Gina's great and all.

She is, but...

I just think that

you could do better.

Hmm.

I like her, Bay.

She makes me laugh.

Then... Then all that stuff
I just said,

forget about it.

Really.

So, what are you saying?

You don't wanna
sleep with me anymore

because my parents
disapprove? Well, no. Of course not.

It's just, now
we have to sneak around,

and that feels kinda icky.

Yeah, but we've been
sneaking around.

Come on, Jule, just don't
let this freak you out.

I mean, so what?

We just don't do it
at my house anymore.

-Big deal.
-Yeah, I know.

It was just the way
your mom was looking
at me like I'm a slut.

All right. Stop it.
You know she doesn't
think that.

She's a mom.
It's her job to overreact.

And my dad? I mean,
he has no right
to lecture anybody.

I mean,
he's cheating on her.

That's not even
a double standard.

That's, like, quadruple.

Come on.

They're just trying to take
all the fun out of this.

Justin.

Please don't tell me
that it's working.

Look, I don't know
about you,

but I can't just stop.

I mean, I want you,
like, all the time,

and that's something
that can't just go away

because my parents
say it should.

Well, maybe if we
just do it at my house.

[laughs]

Okay.

[bell rings]

Tomorrow, sets, subsets
and supersets.

The fun continues.

Claudia, got a minute?

Um... Sure, Ms. Schrader.

Just wanted to check in.

See how it was going
with the smoking.

Did your brother
talk to you?

Uh, yes, ma'am.
Thanks.

Uh, we sort of
worked out a deal.

Good. Good. I know
how hard it is to quit.

Day four for me.

I think I'm finally past
the irritability stage.

I'm working through denial.

Of course,
I'd still kill puppies
for a cigarette,

but that should go away
in another, oh,
20 years or so.

Mm. Carrot?

Well, I never really
got hooked,
so it's not too bad.

Hmm. You're lucky.

And you're lucky to have
somebody like, um...

Charlie? Is that his name? ...to support you in this.

You know, I gotta
go it alone.

I mean, it's great
that you guys are so close,

even though there's
this huge gap in your ages.

I mean, he's gotta be
what, hmm, 23, 24?

-Twenty-five, actually.
-Oh.

And if your
next question is

whether he's
seeing anyone or not,

well, the answer is no.

But that seems to change
from minute to minute,

so I can't really say
for sure.

Claudia, we're
talking about you.

I've been around the block
a few times on this one,
Ms. Schrader,

so I can
spot the symptoms.

Let me put this in terms
you'll understand.

Let's say "A" is
the group of women

Charlie has dated in,

oh, the past five years.

This is not to scale.

It should be bigger.

And "B"

is the set of women
whose lives
he's left in shambles.

"A" equals "B,"
Ms. Schrader.

Trust me.

He was totally sexy
in Sleepless in Seattle.

And I cried throughout
all of Philadelphia.

That scene where he's
listening to that woman sing.

Oh, Maria Callas?
Oh, my God--

I'm welling up
just thinking about it.

-It was just so--
-Gina.

Gina, maybe you should
let Sarah finish.

[Gina] Excuse me?

No. No, no. That's okay.
I was just gonna say
I loved it too. That's all.

What about, uh...
What about Forrest Gump?

He was amazing in that.

Oh. Well, yeah. If you like
that sort of thing.

Well, you just said that
you loved all of his movies.

Mm. It's not that
I didn't like it.

It's just, I sort of,
you know... I hated it.

I mean, if they wanted to
make a movie about a moron,

they could have filmed
my science teacher.

[laughs]

Hey, uh, did you guys catch
that, that Warriors game?

Will?
I am talking here, okay?

I mean, all that "Life is like
a box of chocolate" stuff...

Whew!

I thought I'd just crawl
out of my skin and die.

-All right?
-Look, a lot of people loved it.

Okay? It made millions.
Foreign and domestic.

Okay, I was just trying
to have a conversation.

This is our
responsibility, Charlie.

We-we've gotta
make some rules.

What do you want me to say?

I mean, yeah, sure, I could
tell Julia not to let him
come over anymore,

but I doubt that's
gonna do any good.

I don't know what goes on
in this house anymore.

Look, I know you work a lot.
But there's gotta be some--

Look, Mrs. Thompson,
no offense,

but I kind of remember
what it was like to be 16.

I had to take my girlfriend

to this parking lot
in the Presidio.

Well, you're
not 16 anymore.

You are the adult
in this house,

and we are talking about
your sister.

And I hear
what you're saying.

It's just,
the way I see it,

as long as
they're gonna do it,

and as long as they're,
you know, careful,

I'd just as soon
see them someplace safe

and not in a car
parked in the middle
of a parking lot,

which is exactly
where they're gonna be

if we try to lay down
some kind of law.

You're not gonna
help me with this?

[sighs]

[Charlie] Mrs. Thompson...

I worry about you, Julia.

No one is looking out
for you.

[door closes]

Thanks, Charlie,
for being cool about this.

I'm not cool, okay?

If you're stupid enough
to be having sex,

risking getting pregnant
and God knows what else,
that's your business.

But don't think that I'm happy
about it, because I'm not.

I never wanna lose you.

That's all
I'm trying to say, and I'm never gonna.

[TV switching on and off]

[Bailey laughs]

Ow. Mm!

-What?
-The remote.

[man on television]
Good night.

[knock at door]

[Will] Bay?

-Hello?
-In here, Will!

You're alone.

You could say that.

[turns off television]

Did something
just happen?

I don't know. We...

We sort of
had this fight.

I said some things
I probably shouldn't have.

And she said some things
she definitely
shouldn't have.

Oh, I'm, I'm sure
if you talk about it...

Nah. Not much point.

I mean, it wasn't really
working out, anyway,

and so we decided
to break up.

[excitedly] Really?

[seriously] Really?

Yeah. So...

I guess that's that.

Wow.

I'm sorry. Yeah. Me too.

Maybe I'll just
hang out with you guys
for a little bit.

If that's okay
with you guys.

Sure. Sure.

Not a problem.

[dramatic music playing]

[jazz music playing]

[people chattering]

Hey, Charlie.

The lady on table seven
has a couple
of music requests.

Did you tell her
we don't have a...

"Help" and "Rescue me."

There, uh,
were no binoculars
in the crow's-nests.

And you know, I mean,
without binoculars.

You know, of course.

But everybody thinks it sank

because the iceberg
tore a huge gash in the hull

when, actually,
the plates buckled

and popped their rivets.

Really?

Wow.

Wow. You certainly know
a lot about the Titanic.

Well, it's kind of
a hobby of mine.

Disasters at sea. And not just the Titanic.

You know the Andrea Doria?

[Charlie]
Excuse me.

Uh, are you
Emily Schrader?

That's me.

You, uh... You have
a phone call

at the bar.

Wow. Oh, wow. Ha-ha.

-Excuse me, Bob.
-Sure.

Blind date?

It happens every time.

You break up, and people
start playing matchmaker.

This was Principal Bullock's
chiropractor,

so I couldn't
exactly refuse.

And you just happened
to be at Salinger's.

Call it
a wild coincidence. Just in case you want it
to look real.

This is so mean. God, what do I tell him?

How about, uh,

your neighbor called,

and there's an emergency
with your dog,

and you have to
take him to the vet?

Wow, impressive.
I like that.

But what if
he asks me out tomorrow?

Tell him you already
have a date.

Good.

I like that too.

So... So Dan Campbell gave me

these extra tickets
to the Sharks on Saturday.

Center ice. I thought
maybe we could, uh--

I... I got plans.

Ah, come on, Justin. We...

You didn't have to go to him,
you know, Charlie, I mean.

If your parents were alive,
I would have gone to them.

Belts, belts.

What are we doing
with belts?

Over there.

I just don't get it.

I mean, it's not like
we're being irresponsible.

I mean, I went to a doctor
and we're careful,

and we love each other.

And what if you get pregnant?
What happens then?

I'm not gonna
get pregnant.

You don't know that,
Julia.

Look, I worry about my son,
but let's be honest,

girls bear the brunt of it.

You're the one who's gonna
have to live with it.

And no matter what happens,

it's gonna affect you
for the rest of your life.

You know, I thought
we were friends.

You don't need
a friend right now.

You need an adult in your life

who's gonna tell you
if you're making a mistake,

someone who can
explain consequences--

Oh, you're not
my mother.

Oh!

[both sigh]

You're amazing.

All those different positions.
I could barely keep up.

Mm.

[breathing heavily]

You were pretty...

Pretty good yourself.

Hmm.

Did that feel good
or what?

Oh, yeah.

But, uh, next time,
I pick.

[exhales]

Dinner and a movie.

-It's safer.
-Oh.

So, um, you're
a real expert at this.

It's my second time.

I'm really proud of myself
for sticking with it too.

You know? Part of the new,
healthier me.

It's funny,
I can't exactly picture you

with a cigarette hanging
out of your mouth.

How long did you
smoke, anyway?

Since college.

I fell in with the cheap wine
and poetry crowd.

And my ex-boyfriend,
Wayne,

all we had in common
was menthol.

It got to the point, we'd go
to bed, skip sex and light up.

That's when I knew
we had a problem.

-That's sad.
-Mm.

Tragic.

I think it's 'cause we sorta
jumped past "get to know you"

and went right to
hot and heavy.

I tend to do that.

It's sort
of a character flaw.

Really? Me too.

I'm trying to learn
to take things slow

and stop jumping
into everything.

Hmm.

So what movie
did you have in mind?

You pick.

Oh, thanks.

[slow music playing]

-Hey.
-Hey.

You mind?

No. No, absolutely.
Of course not.

You know what?
Actually, you can help me.

I need a rhyme
for star,

but nothing like
far, car or bar.

Something cool
like caviar.

Guitar?

That's perfect.
That's absolutely perfect.

"With my guitar."

So I've been thinking,

maybe I should ask
someone out or something.

Hey, that's a good idea.

Yeah, I mean,
the best way
to get over something

is to throw yourself
back out there, you know.

So who were you thinking of?

Nobody yet.

Oh, well, what about Dana?
She thinks you're really cute.

No.

She pops her gum,
drives me nuts.

Valerie Shoemaker?

Friends with Gina's sister.

Oh, yeah.

Wow. You writing
a love song?

Yeah. Yeah.
I'm gonna give it

to the guys in the band
and see if they can
put a tune to it.

But don't tell Bailey,
okay?

Because I wanna sing it
for him

for our two-month anniversary.

I know it's
kind of corny.

No, no, it's, uh,

really sweet.

You know, what about
Cindy Pickard?

I mean, she's
perfect for you.

No, she's got
that adenoid thing.

[man]
I'll catch up
with you, all right?

[toilet flushes]

You okay?

Yeah. I just needed
to take a minute.

If you're coming down
with something,

I mean, maybe we can
take you home.

I'm not coming down
with something.

[siren wailing]

Mrs. Thompson--

Julia, I'm fine.
Please.

Wait a minute.
Are you...

[exhales]

I teased your mother
about this

when it happened
to her with Owen. I gave her
such a hard time

for her getting
carried away like a teenager,

not being careful.

Wow. Justin
didn't tell me--

He doesn't know yet.

I'm still trying to
get used to it myself.

But this is
a good thing, right?

I don't know.

There are good times
to get pregnant,

and there are
not-so-good times.

Things happen.

No matter how careful
you are...

You just never know.

Okay. [clears throat]

-Taste test.
-Okay.

Mm.

Garlic.

[footsteps approaching]

Don't mind me.

Ross's date had the flu,

so he didn't need
a babysitter after all.

Claudia, um...

Emily and I...

I mean, Ms. Schrader and I,
we're just, uh...

Having a parent-teacher
conference?

Well, no.
You see, um...

Claudia!

You couldn't do it,
Charlie, could you?

One stupid little thing,

and you couldn't do it.

Well, look who's still carrying
cigarettes around. Hey, I'm keeping them
for Jody, okay?

Look, I haven't smoked any

since I thought
we had an agreement.

But obviously you have a few
bad habits you can't break.

No offense, Ms. Schrader.

That was
the deal you made?

Emily...

I should probably just go.

[slow song playing]

[knocks on door]

Hey, man.

You want something? 'Cause I'm kind of
busy here.

So I see. [switches off music]

Come on, Will.

You're taking this
kind of hard, don't you think?

I mean, you only went out
with her like, what,

like, six times
or something.

Man, I don't know who's
the bigger jerk here, me or you.

Excuse me?

You for opening your
stupid mouth in the first place,

or me for listening
to you.

Hey, come on, Will--

Who the hell
do you think you are, Bay?

You know, I never knew
you were so...

You had no right to say
all that stuff about Gina.
No right.

Okay. Okay.

-I'm sorry.
-No.

No. You know what?

Sorry doesn't
cut it this time.

You get everything, Bay.

Everything you want
comes so easy to you.

Apart from grades.

And you don't realize.

Like... Like with Sarah.

You wanted Sarah back,
and poof, she's yours.

Wait a second.
Is this about Sarah?

No, it's not about Sarah.
It's about you.

It's about the fact that

I finally find
somebody that I like,

somebody who really likes me,
somebody who laughs at my jokes

and who thinks
I'm handsome.

And you-you with
your perfect hair

and your straight teeth
and your stupid dimples,

say that she talks too much

and she's opinionated
and she's...

Whatever!

But you know what?

I don't care
what you think.

I like Gina.

And I'm gonna
talk to her,

and I'm gonna give her
the greatest apology in history

and I'm gonna pray to God
that she'll forgive me.

And you can just keep your
stupid opinions to yourself.

[Justin]
I mean, here's my mom

sitting me down,

telling me she's gonna
have a baby.

And I'm trying
to smile.

I say, "Wow, Mom, that's great.
That's really cool."

And I'm trying to
make myself believe that,

because I know I should.

But the whole time,
I'm thinking about my dad,

who's with
this other woman--

-Justin--
-And it... No, it is sick!

[exhales]

I have to tell her,
and it's not like before

where I just had to
get it off my chest, all right?

All that's gonna do
is hurt her, and right now--

She has to know!

And if you're the one
who tells her,

I mean, if that comes
from you and not him,

her marriage is over.

And she'll be alone
and having a baby.

I-Is that what
you really want?

So maybe it isn't your mom
you need to talk to.

And he's making out
with her.

I mean, right there
in the kitchen.

Ms. Schrader?

Man, tongues
and everything?

And they were,
like, you know,

like groping?

Jody, that is so
not the point.

Okay, everybody,
pop quiz!

Books on the floor,

and no talking.

Um, Ms. Schrader, you said
we wouldn't have
any pop quizzes.

What do you know?
I changed my mind.

I thought you said things were
going pretty well last night?

No. I was trying to tell you.
I made them stop.

[Schrader]
I am sick of you people

not paying attention
in class,

so this quiz is going
to count as a regular test

on your final grade.

[Jody]
Oh, man.

Don't you get it, Claud?
She's frustrated.

I mean, she already
gave up smoking.

That's enough
to piss anybody off.

And now this guy comes along,

and she's, like, attracted
and stuff, you know?

And now she can't
have that either.

[Schrader]
Jody, Claudia,

I said no talking!

Now, that's two points off
for both of you.

Oh, man, this chick
needs it bad.

And right now,

you're sort of the only thing
standing in her way.

Now the muon

is a heavy electron,

and it can carry
a positive charge,

a negative charge.

And the pion is heavier
than the muon.

Now, the pion can have
a positive charge,

a negative charge,
or no charge at all.

Now, who wants
to take a stab

at elementary particles?

Bailey?

Elementary particles are

like, particles
that are

you know, elementary.

Yes, well, thank you.
Anyone else?

You see,

each particle

has its own antiparticle,

only-only with
a different charge.

[Bailey]
And

[clears throat]
if there's

two particles,

and they're, say,
like, best friends,

and the one particle

says something bad about the
other particle's antiparticle,

then it can set off, like,
this nuclear reaction.

Sit down, Bailey.

I'm not done yet, sir.

You see, the...

The one particle,

the one that said
all of the bad stuff,

that's called the

butthead particle.

[class laughs]

And

he owed it
to the other particle

to keep his stupid mouth shut
in the first place.

Hi.

Go home.

-Bye.
-Charlie!

All right, Claudia,
this is... This is how it is.

I've thought a lot about
this... This... This whole thing
with Emily, Ms. Schrader.

And, uh...

And you are not the boss.
I am the boss.

-Me. Not you.
-You're the boss.

And that means that
you don't tell me what to do.

And you don't
blackmail me.

-Okay.
-I'm gonna date
whoever I want to.

And whatever happens with us
that, that is our business.

-Not yours.
-Okay.

I need this right now.

And maybe you don't care
about that, but I do.

-This is a good thing for me.
-You're right.

And, and all deals are off.
You're gonna quit smoking
right now.

I don't ever wanna hear
another word about--

Okay.

What?

I said okay.

I mean, you're right.

I've overstepped
my boundaries.

So you wanna date
my math teacher.

Who am I
to say anything?

Go with my blessing.

[Justin]
I gotta know, dad.

I gotta know
so I can deal with it.

It's over, Justin.

If you didn't walk out of
the room every time I come in,

you'd know that by now.

You know, it was over
a long time ago.

Okay, okay, fine.

But I'm the one who still
carries it around all the time,

and I'm sick of it.

So you gotta tell her,

'cause if you don't--

She already knows.

I told her.

And it's not easy.

And we're
working on it.

You know, uh,
look, Justin,

things just
kind of happen

in marriages, son.

It's just...
It gets complicated.

But the truth
of the matter is

that-that
I love this baby.

I'm-I'm happy
about this baby

because I love
your mother.

And we're, we're gonna
just see this through.

You know what?

Justin, this-this isn't
your issue.

This is, uh...
This is between

your mother and me.

Fine.

It's none of my business.

Just like
what I do with Julia

is none
of your business.

No. Wait. Wait.
Justin, wait.

-No, no. I made some mistakes.
-Yeah.

I made some bad mistakes,
but I love you.

And I'm not gonna give up

my right to worry about you
and to care about you.

And I'm not gonna stop
trying to make sure

that you do
the right thing.

Because, no matter what, I am still your father.

-Hey.
-Ah!

[laughing]

God, you scared me.

Again.

I'm sorry.

You really
shouldn't be here.

Right now, the only thing worse
than you being in my classroom

would be you
in my classroom, smoking, so...

This really isn't
gonna work.

-It's okay.
-No, it isn't.

I like you,
Charlie. I do.

But with Claudia
involved,

it's just
a little weird.

That's what
I'm trying to tell you.

It's okay.
Claudia's okay.

She

gave us her blessing.

Really?

Really?

So what does
this mean exactly?

Have you been smoking?

Oh! Just one.

Hey, I had
a bad day, okay?

But maybe things
are looking up.

[pop song playing]

[laughs]

I must really
love you.

It's for Will.

-Hey.
-[Gina] Hi, strangers.

I missed you two.

Uh, can we join you?

It's okay.

Sit your butts down.

[Gina] You won't believe
how Will apologized to me.

Hey, they probably don't wanna
hear about this, actually.

Are you kidding? Of course we do.

Well, he actually stood
on my front lawn and sang.

With his guitar!

I didn't know
you sing.

[Gina]
Does he ever!

He's standing,
singing "Baby, Come Back."

Then, all of a sudden,
the sprinklers go off. I swear.

Just tinkling everywhere.
You know what he does?

Nothing.

He just stands there,

singing and playing
his guitar. Oh, gosh, it was something
like out of a movie.

You dog.

It's... It's really sweet.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, anyway,

um, we were just talking about

whether or not

Madonna would ever
get her career back on track.

Really?

So, Gina,
what do you think?

Well, I think she should
just get on a boat

and drift off to sea.

[all laugh]

Honey, hello!
Get over yourself.

You're not that great.

[all laugh] [slow song playing]

You know, we probably
shouldn't be here.

Two kids, alone
in a big house...

with clean sheets
and raging hormones,

without the benefit
of adult supervision.

[song continues]

Gets kind of
complicated, huh?

Sex, I mean.

Seems pretty simple
to me.

You just take off
your clothes and then you...

[giggling]

You know what I mean.

I mean, think about
your parents.

That's the last thing
I wanna think about right now.

And we're always
gonna be careful?

Always.

I mean, what would you do

if, you know, something
like that happened to me?

It's not gonna happen.

Just something
to think about, that's all.

Can we think
about it later?

I kind of have a curfew.

Sure.

Later.

[song continues]