Party of Five (1994–2000): Season 1, Episode 22 - The Ides of March - full transcript

So Owen can eat pretty much
anything he wants
at this point, right?

Except peanut butter.

He gets little hives
when he eats peanut butter.

Ross, you know,
he sort of feeds himself now.

No kidding?
That's amazing.

[Julia] Not really.

I mean, he's 16 months.
It'd be kind of scary
if he didn't.

See, I, I didn't know that,
and this thing he's doing,
for example, right now,

squinching up his face
and holding his breath,
what does that mean?

[sneezes]

-Bless you.
-God bless you.



He's playing a game, right?

No, he's pooping.

[sniffs]

Oh.

Oh, right.

I'll change him.
I can't smell anything, anyway.

How do you know
what kind of diapers to use?

I mean, do you buy them all,
and then kind of let him decide?

Okay, um,

about a year and a half ago,
I put my name on this list,

and I filled out some forms
and I went in for an interview

and I didn't say anything
about it because
I really didn't believe
anything would happen.

I mean, at least,
not for a really long time.

I mean, you know,
being a single guy, and...



But I've wanted this
for a long time,

so anyway, about 36 hours ago,
this baby girl was born,

and, amazingly,
yesterday the agency called.

So that's why diapers
kind of matter to me right now.

[both] Wow!

Ross.

Ross!

That's great!

It's so exciting.

Oh, it's great.

Something going on?

You'll never guess
who's having a baby.

The thing is,
we were always so careful.

I mean, we have
never not been careful.

Not once, right?

Twenty five, 24, 23...

And you always use a real,
established brand,

not, like, "Jerry's Condoms"
or anything, right?

Seventeen, 16, 15...

So there's no way.

I mean, there's no way, right?

Right. None. Zero. Zip.

I know I'm pregnant.
I just know it.

[watch beeps]

Oh, God.

Look, I just want you to know...

Uh-huh.

-Whatever happens...
-Mmm-hmm.

I am never, ever
having sex again.

Mmm-hmm.

[sighs]

[theme song playing]

♪ Everybody wants to live ♪

♪ Like they wanna live ♪

♪ And everybody wants to love ♪

♪ Like they wanna love ♪

♪ Everybody wants to be ♪

♪ Closer to free ♪

♪ Everybody wants to live ♪

♪ Like they wanna live ♪

♪ Everybody wants to love ♪

♪ Like they wanna love ♪

♪ Everybody wants to be ♪

♪ Closer to free ♪

[Bailey] Hey, Jule,
what do you think?

Why are you guys
in such a good mood?

What? Oh, we're, uh...
We're celebrating.

Celebrating what?

Um...

The way things
always have a way
of working out in the end.

-This shouldn't go up?
-No.

Hey, tell him the basketball
jersey look is passe, Julia.

Since when are you okay
with a wardrobe consultant?

Since it's been decided
that I have no taste.

[Julia] Oh.

You know what I need to do?

I need to get my brother
a new jacket.

I left his suede one
down in LA, and man,
is he pissed at me.

He loved that coat.

What do you think?

For Justin.

He's kind of into this
ratty, old windbreaker,
and if I got him this...

-This one?
-Mmm-hmm.

This is the kind of shirt
worn by men named Barney,
Julia.

No, really. Look. See
the buttons on the bottom?

They don't match the top ones.

Beer gut. Not cool.

Now, this...

Now, this is a Dale shirt.

See how the sleeve's
all stretched out,

like the guy pushed it up
to show off his tattoos.

You should get Justin this one.

Okay.

Hey, you're pretty good
at this stuff.

Jill Holbrook,
clothing archaeologist.

I love imagining all the people
who wore this stuff.

One day, I want to have
a store just like this one.

Think I'd be good at it?
I mean, you think I could?

One day?

You bought me clothes?

My mother buys me clothes.

Your mother buys you
dickies and galoshes
and things like that.

And, this... This is cool,
so be a pleasant person, hmm?

And open it up and look in it
and tell me you love it

and give me a hug and a kiss
and put it on
and never take it off.

What is it?

Well, it's a jacket
and it's '50s-ish

and it's got a pattern. See?

I already have a windbreaker.

Put it on.

You don't like the way I dress,
do you?

I didn't say that.

I'm not cool enough for you?
Is that it?

Your words, not mine.

You're embarrassed
to be seen with me
and my windbreaker.

I'm never buying you
another gift,
just so you know.

I like it.

I do.

I think it looks
great on you.

Don't you?

You're trying
to change me.

Already you're
trying to change me.

[telephone ringing]

Oh, Mr. Holbrook,

Hi. It's Bailey. Is Jill there?
We were going to...

[Kirsten] "Kleenex."

Oh, double-word score.

Eight, nine, ten...

They gave me one of those
scratch tests on my back.

It was awful. Bet its seafood.

It's like me with shrimp.

I mean, I have one
of those things,
and I blow up, like...

It's really gross.
My skin gets all blotchy
and my tongue gets swelled up

and my nose is,
like, mucous city

and my eyes get all milky
and runny and...

And, um...

I'll stop now.

Well, is it seafood?

Uh, no.

It's him.

Who?

Him!

-[Charlie] Thurber?
-Bingo!

Now, after all this time,
you're allergic to Thurber?

I guess I've just been
in the house much more,
with my thesis to write.

I don't know.
I can't explain it.

It just kicked in
with a vengeance,

but the point is,
I can't breathe.

So, it's him or me.

[Charlie] Wow. Huh.

Kirsten, where will you go?

Charlie, that's horrible.

Charlie.

[laughs sarcastically]

Hey.

Okay.

Bay?

What's going on?

She's dead.

Jill. She's dead.

What?
I don't get it.

Bailey?

They...

Her mom found her...

...in her room.

There was some, uh...

Cocaine.

Her heart stopped.

I don't know. Uh...

Anyway, that's it.

She's dead.

She's dead.

What do you want, Claud?

I don't know.

I don't understand, Bay.

I thought she was okay.
I mean, you just saw her,
and she was okay, right?

And she was in that program,
so...

How could this happen?

How come she had
drugs in her room?

Bailey?

How do I know?

Maybe she bought them
from some creep this afternoon.

Maybe she had them left over.

Maybe she found them
on the damn street.
Who the hell cares?

What difference does it make?

So that can happen?

You can just
take something once...

-I can't believe--
-Claudia.

Was she alone?

You think she knew
what was happening?

You think she was scared?

I don't know.

[crying]

Why are you crying?

Because...

Why aren't you?

Would you please
get out of here, Claudia?

I want to go
to the funeral with you.

-No.
-Why not?

Because I am not going
to any funeral.

What?

I'm not wasting my time, okay?

She wanted to do
something stupid,
she wanted to throw
everything away, that's fine.

It is her problem.
It's her fault. Not mine.

I'm not crying
at her stupid funeral.
She can just forget it.

Why is it when someone dies,
people always say,
"But I just saw her"?

Ever notice that?

Like having just seen someone,

having just talked to them
is some sort of guarantee

they're going to be
there the next day.

You'll be here when I wake up,
Charlie, won't you?

I'll be here.

Let's make love, okay?

Okay.

He should be here.
It's not right.

All this talk about
a life lived to the fullest,

and how we're all better
for having known her.

I guess people need
to be comforted.

Why don't they just
say it's a waste, huh?

And that there's
no good lesson in it,
and there's no comfort?

It's just a waste.

[Julia] That's her
older brother.

Let's go home, Jule.

He must be
really cold, huh?

Come on.

You didn't need to come.
Really, I would've understood.

I thought...

I thought maybe
it was a good idea
to bring her,

show her something,
I don't know, wonderful.

She is so beautiful, Ross.

Isn't she?

I mean, even looking at her
from a completely objective,
neutral, empirical perspective.

When Owen was born,

everyone said he was such
a beautiful baby,

but I thought
he looked like a walnut.

A crying walnut.

She doesn't look
like a walnut at all, Ross.

When do you get
to take her home?

Excellent question. Kendra.

When do I get
to take her home?

Well, checkout time is looking
like sometime tomorrow.

So, are you any closer
to choosing a name?

I thought I'd wait
a little longer,
till I got to know her better.

[Kendra] Have you thought
about naming her after someone?

Yeah, like a famous musician
or something.

Or a family member.
What's your mom's name, Ross?

Mavis.

[mouths] Mavis?

[rock music playing]

Bay!

Bailey!

You sure about this?
Sure you want to be here?

Sure, I'm sure.

Because, you know,
we could go someplace else.

Someplace quieter,
where we could...

Where we could,
you know, talk.

Don't want to talk.

Want to drink.
Want to dance.

Want to dance?

Later.

Want a beer or something?

Look, they'll card us.

No, they won't.
Not if we got past the bouncer.

Excuse me.

Where'd she go?
Excuse me, could we get a...

Look, let's just...

We'll stay for the first set,
and then we'll split, okay?

Look, if you're not up
for a good time, fine,
but I am, okay?

So if you're gonna be a drag,
if you're gonna stand around
all night, looking like
somebody died...

Bailey, come on,
let's talk about it, man!

What is there to talk about?

You know! Her!

Jill.

Excuse me.

Can I get a couple
of drafts, please?

See?

What did I tell you?
Piece of cake.

Bailey?

Hey, I want to talk to you both.

[clears throat]

I know this is going to seem
like kind of a weird time
to bring this up, but, um...

I was lying in bed this morning,

and I was watching Kirsten...

You know, get dressed and stuff.

Should I be hearing this?

[Charlie laughs]

It's G-rated. I promise.

Okay.

She's getting ready to go and,

and I'm thinking...

I'm thinking,
"Don't walk out that door.

Don't go,

because in here, in this room,
everything is just the way
I want it to be,

and out there, who knows?

Even tomorrow, who knows?"

And I thought,
"What am I waiting for?"

You want to ask her
to marry you.

Really? I just think--

You don't have
to explain, Charlie.

We understand,
and you don't have
to ask our permission, either.

No, I know.

It's not that.

I want to ask her
in kind of a special way.

I want to give her Mom's ring...

Oh.

And I know
it's not mine to give

and I know
I'll have to ask Bay too,

and I know that you guys
might want it someday.

I mean, you have every right,
for when you get married.

Well, I have
no immediate prospects.

Right. Well...

I could completely understand.

I think you should do it.

I think you should
give her the ring.

Do it, Charlie.

Thanks.

So why'd you tell that girl
you'd call her, huh?

I might call her.

I will.

I liked her.

She was nice,
and she was cute.

Didn't you think she was cute?

So this is how
it's going to be?

You're just going to go on
like nothing happened,
clubbing, hitting on girls?

What are you doing?
Give me the keys, Bay.

Why?

Why? Because you're drunk,
that's why. I'm driving.

I am not drunk.

Hey, I am not drunk.

Fine. You're not drunk,

you're not sad,
you're not angry,
you're not anything,

and you're not getting
behind the wheel.

Give me the keys, Will.

Will, give me...

Give me the keys!

Look...

[grunts]

[tires screeching]

Bailey!

Bailey!

[tires squealing]

[keys jingle]

Bailey, what the hell
do you think you're doing?

-What?
-Driving drunk?

I am not...

Did you tattle on me, man?

You stupid, stupid
son of a bitch!

What are you thinking about?

Like every day in this house
doesn't say to you,
you do not drink
and then get behind the wheel.

-Okay.
-Like you need to be told.

Okay! Fine.
You made your point.

Thanks a lot.

Come on, I was worried!

Look, I know this is hard,

I know you're going
through some stuff,
but you don't have to do
it alone.

You just going
to shut everyone out?

Yeah.

Why? I don't get it. I'll tell you this, Bailey.

I am not going
to let you self-destruct.

I am not going
to let you kill yourself.

That's funny.

That... That is hysterical.
You know why?

Because I said the same thing.

The exact same thing,
and you know what?

You can say it.

And... And you can mean it.

But the truth is,

there is nothing,

nothing that you can do
about it.

They're just words.

-Bailey--
-That's all they are.

Just words.

[clears throat]

What?

Uh, I saw you yesterday
at the, uh...

Well, anyways,
I keep seeing you.

How you doing? You okay?

[bell rings]

I... I knew her.

Jill, because she
and my brother were...

Anyways, I knew her,
so I thought that maybe, uh...

What?

I thought that maybe we could
talk or something.

Or something?

Well, I thought
that I could help you.

What makes you think
I need help?

She was your sister.

So?

So you understand
what I'm going through?

Yes.

You understand me?

What I need?

Well, I, uh...

You know how to make
it all better?

I, uh...

You don't know anything.

Hi.

Okay.

I found the infant seat,
and I also found this.

A mobile, to hang over
her crib,

and a dog.

Every child needs a dog.

Take this one. Please.

She's not coming home
with me today.

What?

And I have this feeling...

I think they're going
to give her to someone else.

I thought everything
was all set.

I was going over some
insurance information
with Kendra yesterday,

and she asked me
why my medical records

show I get an HIV test
every six months,

so I told her, that I'm gay.

She didn't know?

I didn't put it
on my application.

I know, I know,
but I thought...

I mean, it's hard enough

to adopt a baby as a single man
but as a single gay man,

I figured I didn't
stand a chance.

So this morning, Kendra said
there was some last-minute
confusion, some delay,

but I think I know
what she's not saying.

It has to work out,
because this...

This is the only way
it's ever going to happen
for me.

I know.

I want her to belong to me.

And I want to belong to her,

because all of a sudden, I mean,

that seems like
the whole point, doesn't it?

Yes.

You know, I can't
find the receipt,

so you'd better hope
they'll give an exchange
without proof of purchase.

I don't know why
you're the one
that's pissed off,

like I insulted you
because I'd rather not
walk around looking like
a bad lounge act.

Hey.

You know, I wouldn't go out,
and without any regards
to your personal style,

buy you, buy you something like,
like this.

Although...

What size do you wear again?

Now, this... This is me.
This I like.

What's going on
with these buttons here?

The bottom ones don't
match the top ones.

Barney.

What?

Nothing.

Hey, Jule.

What are you looking
over there for?
I already have a jacket.

-Charlie.
-Hmm?

Will you barry me?

-Will I bury you?
-No.

I don't know.

-Do we have to decide
that right now?
-Charlie--

I suppose if anything
ever happened to you,

God forbid, and you wanted
to be buried--

I said, "Will you barry me?"
I want to be barried to you.

Barry, not bury.

Oh.

My God, this is not
how I wanted this to go.

You're asking me to marry you?

This is the way I figure it.

I love you,

so obviously, I want to make
a commitment to you forever,
because...

Well, what are we waiting for?

I mean, when you have now
exactly what you want,
why wait?

Things only go away.

And I want to hold on
to everything that matters
to me,

and that means you, Charlie. Well, I was moved
by that argument.

Charlie.

I wanted to ask you.

What?

I'm supposed to ask you.

Damn.

Damn. I was getting
all ready--

For God's sakes,
does that mean yes?

Is that what you're saying?
Yes?

Yes! Okay?

Yes.

Yes.

I will definitely barry you.

Griffin.

Man, you don't learn.

I want to talk to you.

What is your problem?

I don't want anything
from you, okay?

So just get out of here.

Stop following me around.

No, please. I, uh...

I have this coat for you.

What? A coat?

You're giving me a coat?

You don't understand.

Get the hell out of here!

Do you understand that?

I don't want you
talking to me, or...

...or following me around.

I don't need you
to feel sorry for me,

and I don't need your damn coat!

It's from Jill.

She told me about leaving
your coat in LA,

so you see, this...

This stupid old thing...
She was going to buy it for you.

She was planning
to give it to you

to replace the one
that she lost.

That's what she told me,

only she never got around to it,

so I just thought maybe...

Go away.

I know what it's like...

To lose someone.

I mean...

I know how that feels.

And I'm sorry.

It's just, you look so cold.

And I thought
you should have this.

[Charlie] Hey.

Something you want?

Nah.

You haven't talked
to anybody all day.

No?

Hmm.

Oh, listen, uh, this is, um,

I just thought this was
really something.

Jill's Mom called.

You were out.

She, uh, asked if maybe
you could stop by.

Forget it.

Forget it.

You don't want anything
from anybody.

Pretty much.

Can we talk about that?

No.

[sighs]

The thing is, Bay, we...

Kind of get through
this stuff together.

No one gets through
stuff together.

You get through
everything alone.

Come on.

She was alone,

and not just at the end.
The whole time.

She couldn't ask for help,
I couldn't give her help,
and that's the way it is.

No, it isn't.

Come on, Bay.

Get away. Get away!
Get away from me!

Bailey, I care about you.

Don't.

I don't want you
to care about me, okay?

I don't want anyone
to care about me. Why? What is going on, Bay?

Are you, like,
blaming yourself?

Is this about feeling like
it's your fault or something?

No.

No. You don't understand.

I made a mistake,

and, and I swear to God,
I am not going to make it again.

What?

I am not going to feel that way
about anyone anymore.

I am not going
to love anyone anymore.

-Bailey--
-I can't.

I can't.

Please. It's too hard.

It's too hard,
and it hurts too much,

so I don't want to love anyone,

and I don't want anyone
to love me.

Well, that's too bad.

Charlie...

You don't have a choice.

No!

Because I love you, Bay.

Please, Charlie...

[crying]

I love you.

I love you, man.

They're saying there may
have been a mix-up,

that a couple may have been
ahead of me on the list.

But I think...

Know it's because
they've reconsidered
my fitness as a parent.

I'm sure it's not that. I mean, how could it be that?

You would make
an incredible father. I mean, you never yell.

Never.

And you never do
that thing parents do

when they're supposed
to be listening to you,

but really they're just noticing
you've got a lot of wax
in your ears.

It's not going to happen, Claud.

No?

And I don't know what to do.

See, I...
I made this horrible mistake.

I did something
so incredibly stupid.

I fell in love with her.

I held her for, like, a total
of maybe three hours,

but I fell in love with her.

I'll talk to you
in a minute, okay?

Hey.

Hey.

Looks good on you.

Did you find the little
ticket stub in the pocket?

Yeah.

A boat trip to Point Reyes.

I was thinking the guy
who owned that coat,

took his girlfriend there,
and they spent the whole day,

and that was probably the day
they fell in love,

and these little,
white stains...

I bet he had a baby,

and even though he was probably
a pretty tough guy,

he would hold his
little girl's head right here,

and she would let out
little milk burps.

And this stain?

Red wine from some
big celebration.

He...

He won 500 bucks
in the lottery.

Right.

Or, uh, his horse came in.

Right.

Wonderful things happened
to the people who own that coat.

Wonderful things
happen all the time.

Miss Erhardt?

Hi. Your office said
I could probably
find you out here.

I'm Bailey Salinger.
I'm a friend of Ross'...

I see.

And I've known Ross
for a really long time,

so I thought I'd come down here

and tell you some things
about him.

Well, I'm not sure--

He teaches my sister,
Claudia, the violin.

He's her teacher,
but actually,

actually, he's,
he's kind of more than that. He cares for her,

and he's there for her
when she makes mistakes,

and I think,

I think he loves her
no matter what she does,

you know, without question,

which is kind of what
a parent is, I think, so,
so at least--

Mr. Salinger--

At least you could come down
and watch him with my sister

before you decide that he has
no business being a parent.

Look, I appreciate your concern.

There are some
administrative problems
that we have to work out.

Yeah, I know.

Administrative problems
that have something to do
with the fact that he's gay.

Nothing had been decided
one way or the other.

He really, really
loves this baby,

so how can you say
that that isn't good enough?

How does being gay
matter at all?

I mean, if someone
is actually willing

to love someone else,
that is not so easy to do.

It's so hard,

and, and it doesn't happen
that often.

So...

Where you been? What are you doing?

You remember this?

Mother's Day?

So, what, you thinking
about accessorizing?

About proposing? Are you
going to propose to her,
Charlie?

Actually, she beat me to it.

Really?

No kidding?

So...

So...

Yeah.

I think so. I think
we're going to do it.

I love her.

I know you do.

So, good. Really?

Yeah.

It feels...

I don't know.

Right.

I bet it'll fit her.

Do you need help with this?

No, thanks.

Hey, your windbreaker.

Yeah, my windbreaker.

Nice, huh?

Hey, look what else I got.

Picked it up with
my store credit.

I know, it's not
your style, right?

Well, what can I do, you know?
It's who I am.

So, I, uh, guess you're probably
going to start looking
at other guys now, right?

I mean, cooler guys,
guys who have t-shirts and jeans

and cigarettes
rolled up in their sleeves.

Guys with, uh, tattoos.

Guys with taste.

What? I mean, uh, you hate it.

I like it. You do hate it.

Say something.

You have the most beautiful
brown eyes.

Do you know that?

I want to give you this.

It's my Mom's ring.

The diamond ring
that my father gave my mother,

God, 26 years ago.

The others want you
to have it too.

And I love you.

So, open it.

Oh, Charlie...

Go on.

Huh...

What?

Is there...

Don't take this the wrong way,
but is there an actual stone
in there?

Let me see.

Mom wasn't big into jewelry,

and Dad was
kind of a cheapskate.

I see.

I guess it has...

Sentimental value.

That'd be about the size of it.

Here's what I don't get.

She was so insecure, you know?

So what made her so, like,
so arrogant

that she thought
she could go back to it
just one more time,

and it would be okay?

I don't know, man.

I don't know. Yeah.

I hate her for it.

I want to scream at her.

She's, like, dead,
and I want to scream at her.

Don't you?

Sometimes.

Sometimes I just want
to touch her again. She made a mistake, Griffin.

I keep trying to make
it mean more, but it doesn't.

She just made a mistake.

Tess.

Tess. You know,
she really looks like a Tess.

Yeah, she does, doesn't she?

Have you noticed Owen drools
over mashed yams
and pretty girls?

I think he's in love.

Yeah, well, wait in line, pal.
I was here first.

FYI, Ross, I happen to be
an excellent babysitter.

Okay.

Here we go.
I chose my private stock.

Well, shouldn't we
wait for Bailey?

He said he wasn't
coming tonight.

Oh, really? I wanted him
to meet my daughter.

God, that sounds so weird.
My daughter.

You know, by the time Charlie
plans this wedding,

your daughter will be old enough
to be a flower girl.

Yeah, or play Pachelbel
at the ceremony.

Oh, could I see the ring?

-Or perform the ceremony.
-[Ross laughing]

Hey, whose side are you on?

[laughter]

Okay, Claud, two sips.
That's it.

Hey.

Bay, I thought...

We were just, um...

Celebrating. It's okay.

Is this...

Is this her?

She's mine.

Thank you.

Well, what'd he do?

-He, uh--
-Nothing.

Really, Ross,
I didn't do anything.

I'm sure it wasn't
what made the difference.

Maybe not, but maybe.

Do you think, maybe, um,
could I hold her?

Sure.

There you go.

Yeah, I got her.
I got her.

So is somebody going
to make a toast, or what?

[Claudia] Charlie?

I suck at toasts.

[Kirsten] Well, you'd better
start practicing.

Just for the record,
I am not gonna wear
one of those poufy chiffon
bridesmaids' dresses.

We weren't planning
on inviting you anyway.

[all laughing]

[Kirsten] I thought the best man
was supposed to make the toast.

[Charlie] Okay, Bay.
Dress rehearsal.

Uh, all right.
A toast.