Parker Lewis Can't Lose (1990–1993): Season 2, Episode 24 - Home Alone with Annie - full transcript
Parker just can't get a break as he finds out when he plans a quiet night alone with Annie (As his parents are out of town). As word gets out that Parker has the house to himself everyone at Santo Domingo wants a piece and a party quickly forms. Throughout the episode Parker is caught between time with Annie and the various troubles forming downstairs at the party. Parker quickly becomes overwhelmed as various subplots grow to drown out any possibility of anything developing between him and Annie.
Okay, Park, if there's
any kind of emergency,
you can reach us
at the Convention
Center Hotel.
Have a great weekend.
Yes!
Hasta la vista, Gumby.
Slumber party, here I come.
Have a great weekend.
Yes!
Now, don't forget to eat, honey.
There's turkey loaf
and Kool-Aid
in the fridge for two days.
Love you.
Have a great weekend.
Yes!
Uh, Parker, one more thing...
No parties.
Yes!
Have a great weekend.
The dream is always the same...
My parents are gone,
my sister's gone,
and the time is right
for a little Risky Business.
I hate that song.
- 10:30 a.m.
- and I'm already bored.
So much for acting like
a 10-year-old.
Time to act my age.
Hello?
Annie, it's me.
Hi, you.
Mom and Dad are
at a video convention,
Shelly's at a slumber party,
and for the next 24 hours,
I got the whole place to myself.
Uh-huh.
You know how we've been
talking about...
You know,
what we've been talking about?
Annie, picture this...
A romantic candlelit dinner
for two people
who are totally alone,
totally in love,
and totally unsupervised.
Uh-huh.
Then, after dinner,
maybe we could...
You know, watch cable.
Watch cable?
I'm not sure I'm ready
to watch cable.
But don't get me wrong,
if I watch cable with anyone,
I watch cable with you.
Damn, hold on.
Park, my band's looking
for a place to jam tonight.
What do you say?
Uh, yeah, sure, maybe...
Listen, I'll call you back.
I'm back.
Parker, I want you to know,
I've never actually, uh,
watched cable before.
That's okay, neither have,
uh, a lot of other people.
Including yours truly.
Promise me something?
Anything.
Tonight will be perfect.
One romantic perfect
evening alone.
Just the two of us.
You can make it perfect,
can't you, Park?
Consider me your cable guy.
See you tonight.
Tonight...
Eight hours, 49 minutes,
and 15 seconds away.
Practically a lifetime.
If only there was some way
I could speed up time.
Coolness.
Okay, steady, Park.
T-minus two seconds
to Annie impact.
Out of my way.
Comin' through.
Parker Lewis?
Your associate,
a Michael Randall,
said you'd sign for this
sound equipment.
Uh, he did?
Well, you see, I never promised.
Sign it!
- Ah, yes.
- Love chimes at 6:00.
Evening, Parker.
Kub and sweetie
on circuit dinner.
Go from house to house
to experience
a full 25-course meal.
Congratulations.
You've been selected
as a palate cleanser.
Which way to the sorbet?
Oh, coolness,
the stuff got here.
Park, gracias for lettin' us
jam like this.
Sir, meet my cousin, Louis.
He's visiting for the weekend.
Uh, Jerry, Louis,
nice to meet you.
Please leave.
Please, sir, use our
code names, Rinse and Spit.
We're on a pursuit mission,
tracking elusive quarry.
Our primary targets are headed
in this direction.
Pardon us, sir.
- Go to infrared.
- Move, move, move!
Primary targets?-
Ah, primary targets.
We're part of
the slumber party
relocation program.
Michelle's popcorn-maker broke.
- Terrific, what next?
- The SC Marching Band?
- Domino's Pizza?
- Wayne and Garth?
How about one incredibly
fabulous girl?
My girl.
Parker, I think we may need
to discuss
your idea of being home alone.
Believe me, this was not
my idea.
This was my idea.
Oh, Parker...
Kids, don't try this at home.
A little dinner music.
Hey, nice lip action, bro.
For a guy with no lips.
Don't you have a pack
of slumberettes to entertain?
- Oh, they're being entertained.
- Right, guys.
Video playback,
my room in two and two.
No more interruptions,
I promise.
Did you check
behind the curtains?
- Alone?
- Alone.
What are you thinking about?
- Nothing.
- How about you?
Oh, I was just thinking about
high-impact resistant
CorningWare.
Me, too.
- Jerry, Louis, lost?
- Sort of, sir.
We were tracking the slumber
bunnies and lost their signal.
They went that way.
Probably find them
in Shelly's bedroom.
- Hear that, Louis?
- We've got them corralled.
Time to break out
the molecular glue gun.
Park, you got an extension cord?
No. No extension cord,
no privacy, nothing.
- This a bad time?
- What do you think?
Look, do me a favor,
Annie and I need to be alone.
Really alone.
- Get it?
- Got it.
The stairway to heaven.
I've been waiting to make
this climb my whole life.
Why does it feel so near,
yet so far?
- Ready?
- Ready.
- Hello?
- Hi, honey.
Parental units here.
Mom.
Hey, hey, Park, you're never
gonna guess who I just met.
Big, big star,
the one-name kind.
- Uh, Sting?
- Nope.
- Cher.
- Better, Ernest!
The guy who's always going
to prison or camp.
Well, guess where
Ernest is going next?
Prison camp?
Our video store!
He's gonna make
a personal appearance.
Hi, honey, your father's
so excited,
- Hey Vern, how's it going?
- -he just had to tell someone.
Anyway, we'll see you tomorrow.
Remember, we love you
and we trust you
because you're our big,
big boy and we miss
you very, very much
and we know you would never
have sex on our bed.
Bye.-
- What'd they say?
- They trust me.
Me, too.
This is it, the moment.
After years of wondering,
wishing, fantasizing,
and repeatedly considering
the mathematical possibilities
of it never happening,
it's finally...
Whoa, wait a minute.
Annie, do you have the...
You know, what we talked about?
Once a girl scout,
always a girl scout.
Annie, I...
Really bluv you.
Park, we gotta talk.
Excuse me, I just have to go
strangle Mikey for a minute.
- Mikey, I thought I told you...
- Ahhh!
Mikey, what happened?
Well, uh...
Kub invited the football team
and then Jerry invited
the chess club
and Shelly
invited the ninth grade.
Whoa, dude. Excellent party.
And especially dig this
exquisite Navajo rug pattern.
Whoops. Whoa!
Carpet calamity.-
Coming to you live
from Club Santo Domingo
where the tunes are hot
and the girls are jamming.
Any requests?
- Yes, leave!
- You got it.
- Here's Leave by Boy Howdy.
- Kick it.
Mikey, we've got to get
all these people out of here.
I promised my parents that
I'd protect the house.
That and... You know.
Parker Lewis?
Joey Pants.
I'm here to collect
on services soon
to be rendered.
- What?
- -It's a matter of an $800 payment.
You got a little lint.
- You gotta be kidding me.
- I don't owe you...
Uh, one second, Mr. Pants.
Uh, Park, confab?
Listen, I think I know
who this guy is.
Do you remember that band
equipment that you signed for?
The equipment you rented?
Well, yeah, I rented it, but...
I haven't exactly paid
for it yet.
Haven't paid whom?
Some friend of a friend
of a guy that
Badge kinda met.
You're tellin' me
that this Joey guy
is some kind of mob thug?
Well, he's no
interior decorator.
There's only one thing
standing between me
and the woman I love,
and that's 500
of my closest friends.
Time to shed a little darkness
on the subject.
Ladies and gentlemen,
this party is officially over.
Please exit
in an orderly fashion.
If this house isn't empty
in one minute,
I'm calling the police.
And Sean Young.
Let's go to my place.
Come on,
let's get out of here, yeah.
Parker.
Sometimes you just gotta say,
"What the..."
About that payment, cash, check?
Cash.
You got a little schmutz.
Why don't I leave
it in a locker
at the bus station
or under a rock
with one of your friends?
Hey.
Okay, Annie, that's everyone!
We're all alone now!
"Parker, it seems you
have more important things
on your mind than me.
"Annie."
Your first time,
by definition
the most eagerly anticipated,
unforgettable night of love
you'll ever have.
My first time
was supposed to be tonight.
Well, it's been a wonderful
evening so far.
I didn't get any dinner,
I didn't get any time alone,
and I didn't get any...
I hate getting notes,
any kind of notes.
The embarrassing notes
Mom leaves in your lunch,
the warning notes teachers
leave on your desk,
or the Dear John
notes that leave
you out in the cold.
Okay, Park, shields up, engage.
Hi, Annie.
I never thought your idea
of privacy
included festival seating.
Look, it wasn't my fault.
Sometimes things just...
Happen.
You really think
I wanted to experience
the most intimate moment
of my life
while Kubiac's
downstairs speed belching?
I'm so sorry.
Oh...
That's not the real reason
I left.
I got scared.
When I saw you kick out
your friends,
I suddenly realized
that this was it
and that we were really going
to be totally alone, and I...
I had to get out.
It's weird, huh?
No, not weird.
There I was on my parents' bed
with the girl I love,
and I couldn't stop shaking.
I built this night up
so much in my head.
I just didn't want anything
to go wrong.
I'm sorry, too.
I should have stayed
and talked this out
instead of running.
Mad at me?
A little.
Well, we missed Mannequin Two
on cable.
Look, let's not go nuts
thinking about how tonight
was supposed to end.
The house is still empty.
What do you say we go back,
have a no pressure dinner,
no dessert...
- Coolness?
- Coolness.
Parker?
I really "bluv" you, too.
- What'd I tell you?
- The place is empty.
Oh, my God!
I've been robbed.
Robbed and...
Painted?
What is this,
some kind of sick joke?
"I'll be back. Joey Pants."
Like I said,
I really hate getting notes.
Hello?
- Hi, honey.
- How's everything?
Uh, Green.
- I mean, great.
- Everything's great.
How are you and Dad?
We just called to remind you
and our viewers
that we'll be back home
first thing in the morning.
Enjoy this little extra touch
of drama, Park.
See you in nine hours.
Parker, what are you
going to do?
- Panic!
- And then fix everything.
But I'm going to need help,
a lot of help.
An hour ago,
I kicked all my friends
out of my house.
But that's the great part
about friends.
When you're down,
you can count
on them for help.
Maybe I spoke too soon.
How do I tell them about
something so private,
that I just wanted to spend
the night alone with my girl?
You don't have
to say anything,
little buddy.
Kub understand.
You do?
Kub understand because Kub
willy wuv you, too.
And the long-stem red rose?
- You are one classy dude.
- Dude!
Jerry, Louis.
Sir, why didn't you say
you wanted to watch cable?
You could have watched cable
at my house.
We could have
all watched cable together.
How did you all find out?
Let's just say
you two love bandits
are the new prime ticket
around here.
Do you have the...
You know, what we talked about?
Once a girl scout,
always a girl scout.
Annie, I...
Really bluv you.
Aww.
Park, we screwed up.
You two needed to be alone.
Our being there was
pure love disconnection.
We're all sorry.
Is there anything we can do
to set things right?
- That's it, sir.
- That truck right there.
Nice to be able
to depend on buds
not only to find your furniture,
but to arrange it, too.
- I've got readings.
- I've got signals!
Parents at 50 meters.
- They're here!
- Everybody out.
Our first night alone together.
Some fun, huh?
I'll remember it forever.
Good luck.
Mom, Dad, welcome home.
What's going on here, Park?
Oh, my God.
Dad knows?
The house,
it's just the way we left it.
Huh?
- Yes, it is.
- Just the way you left it.
Uh, that's good, right?
- What happened to the decorator?
- -Decorator?
You know,
the decorator that was
supposed to redecorate
and repaint the living room
while we were gone?
What could have happened
to Joey?
Joey?
Joey Pants was a decorator?
I thought
I asked you to tell Parker.
No, you asked me to remind you
to tell Parker.
Did you?
I'll try and get Joey
on the phone.
Thanks for looking after
the house, honey.
This time it wasn't
in the cards for Annie and me.
But we're still in love
and if our love survives,
then our first night together
is only a matter of finding
the right time.
I can wait.
I wonder how it takes
for paint to dry.
If I stand here any longer,
I'm gonna miss
In Living Color.
Mikey? Jerry?
Clyde? Hello?
any kind of emergency,
you can reach us
at the Convention
Center Hotel.
Have a great weekend.
Yes!
Hasta la vista, Gumby.
Slumber party, here I come.
Have a great weekend.
Yes!
Now, don't forget to eat, honey.
There's turkey loaf
and Kool-Aid
in the fridge for two days.
Love you.
Have a great weekend.
Yes!
Uh, Parker, one more thing...
No parties.
Yes!
Have a great weekend.
The dream is always the same...
My parents are gone,
my sister's gone,
and the time is right
for a little Risky Business.
I hate that song.
- 10:30 a.m.
- and I'm already bored.
So much for acting like
a 10-year-old.
Time to act my age.
Hello?
Annie, it's me.
Hi, you.
Mom and Dad are
at a video convention,
Shelly's at a slumber party,
and for the next 24 hours,
I got the whole place to myself.
Uh-huh.
You know how we've been
talking about...
You know,
what we've been talking about?
Annie, picture this...
A romantic candlelit dinner
for two people
who are totally alone,
totally in love,
and totally unsupervised.
Uh-huh.
Then, after dinner,
maybe we could...
You know, watch cable.
Watch cable?
I'm not sure I'm ready
to watch cable.
But don't get me wrong,
if I watch cable with anyone,
I watch cable with you.
Damn, hold on.
Park, my band's looking
for a place to jam tonight.
What do you say?
Uh, yeah, sure, maybe...
Listen, I'll call you back.
I'm back.
Parker, I want you to know,
I've never actually, uh,
watched cable before.
That's okay, neither have,
uh, a lot of other people.
Including yours truly.
Promise me something?
Anything.
Tonight will be perfect.
One romantic perfect
evening alone.
Just the two of us.
You can make it perfect,
can't you, Park?
Consider me your cable guy.
See you tonight.
Tonight...
Eight hours, 49 minutes,
and 15 seconds away.
Practically a lifetime.
If only there was some way
I could speed up time.
Coolness.
Okay, steady, Park.
T-minus two seconds
to Annie impact.
Out of my way.
Comin' through.
Parker Lewis?
Your associate,
a Michael Randall,
said you'd sign for this
sound equipment.
Uh, he did?
Well, you see, I never promised.
Sign it!
- Ah, yes.
- Love chimes at 6:00.
Evening, Parker.
Kub and sweetie
on circuit dinner.
Go from house to house
to experience
a full 25-course meal.
Congratulations.
You've been selected
as a palate cleanser.
Which way to the sorbet?
Oh, coolness,
the stuff got here.
Park, gracias for lettin' us
jam like this.
Sir, meet my cousin, Louis.
He's visiting for the weekend.
Uh, Jerry, Louis,
nice to meet you.
Please leave.
Please, sir, use our
code names, Rinse and Spit.
We're on a pursuit mission,
tracking elusive quarry.
Our primary targets are headed
in this direction.
Pardon us, sir.
- Go to infrared.
- Move, move, move!
Primary targets?-
Ah, primary targets.
We're part of
the slumber party
relocation program.
Michelle's popcorn-maker broke.
- Terrific, what next?
- The SC Marching Band?
- Domino's Pizza?
- Wayne and Garth?
How about one incredibly
fabulous girl?
My girl.
Parker, I think we may need
to discuss
your idea of being home alone.
Believe me, this was not
my idea.
This was my idea.
Oh, Parker...
Kids, don't try this at home.
A little dinner music.
Hey, nice lip action, bro.
For a guy with no lips.
Don't you have a pack
of slumberettes to entertain?
- Oh, they're being entertained.
- Right, guys.
Video playback,
my room in two and two.
No more interruptions,
I promise.
Did you check
behind the curtains?
- Alone?
- Alone.
What are you thinking about?
- Nothing.
- How about you?
Oh, I was just thinking about
high-impact resistant
CorningWare.
Me, too.
- Jerry, Louis, lost?
- Sort of, sir.
We were tracking the slumber
bunnies and lost their signal.
They went that way.
Probably find them
in Shelly's bedroom.
- Hear that, Louis?
- We've got them corralled.
Time to break out
the molecular glue gun.
Park, you got an extension cord?
No. No extension cord,
no privacy, nothing.
- This a bad time?
- What do you think?
Look, do me a favor,
Annie and I need to be alone.
Really alone.
- Get it?
- Got it.
The stairway to heaven.
I've been waiting to make
this climb my whole life.
Why does it feel so near,
yet so far?
- Ready?
- Ready.
- Hello?
- Hi, honey.
Parental units here.
Mom.
Hey, hey, Park, you're never
gonna guess who I just met.
Big, big star,
the one-name kind.
- Uh, Sting?
- Nope.
- Cher.
- Better, Ernest!
The guy who's always going
to prison or camp.
Well, guess where
Ernest is going next?
Prison camp?
Our video store!
He's gonna make
a personal appearance.
Hi, honey, your father's
so excited,
- Hey Vern, how's it going?
- -he just had to tell someone.
Anyway, we'll see you tomorrow.
Remember, we love you
and we trust you
because you're our big,
big boy and we miss
you very, very much
and we know you would never
have sex on our bed.
Bye.-
- What'd they say?
- They trust me.
Me, too.
This is it, the moment.
After years of wondering,
wishing, fantasizing,
and repeatedly considering
the mathematical possibilities
of it never happening,
it's finally...
Whoa, wait a minute.
Annie, do you have the...
You know, what we talked about?
Once a girl scout,
always a girl scout.
Annie, I...
Really bluv you.
Park, we gotta talk.
Excuse me, I just have to go
strangle Mikey for a minute.
- Mikey, I thought I told you...
- Ahhh!
Mikey, what happened?
Well, uh...
Kub invited the football team
and then Jerry invited
the chess club
and Shelly
invited the ninth grade.
Whoa, dude. Excellent party.
And especially dig this
exquisite Navajo rug pattern.
Whoops. Whoa!
Carpet calamity.-
Coming to you live
from Club Santo Domingo
where the tunes are hot
and the girls are jamming.
Any requests?
- Yes, leave!
- You got it.
- Here's Leave by Boy Howdy.
- Kick it.
Mikey, we've got to get
all these people out of here.
I promised my parents that
I'd protect the house.
That and... You know.
Parker Lewis?
Joey Pants.
I'm here to collect
on services soon
to be rendered.
- What?
- -It's a matter of an $800 payment.
You got a little lint.
- You gotta be kidding me.
- I don't owe you...
Uh, one second, Mr. Pants.
Uh, Park, confab?
Listen, I think I know
who this guy is.
Do you remember that band
equipment that you signed for?
The equipment you rented?
Well, yeah, I rented it, but...
I haven't exactly paid
for it yet.
Haven't paid whom?
Some friend of a friend
of a guy that
Badge kinda met.
You're tellin' me
that this Joey guy
is some kind of mob thug?
Well, he's no
interior decorator.
There's only one thing
standing between me
and the woman I love,
and that's 500
of my closest friends.
Time to shed a little darkness
on the subject.
Ladies and gentlemen,
this party is officially over.
Please exit
in an orderly fashion.
If this house isn't empty
in one minute,
I'm calling the police.
And Sean Young.
Let's go to my place.
Come on,
let's get out of here, yeah.
Parker.
Sometimes you just gotta say,
"What the..."
About that payment, cash, check?
Cash.
You got a little schmutz.
Why don't I leave
it in a locker
at the bus station
or under a rock
with one of your friends?
Hey.
Okay, Annie, that's everyone!
We're all alone now!
"Parker, it seems you
have more important things
on your mind than me.
"Annie."
Your first time,
by definition
the most eagerly anticipated,
unforgettable night of love
you'll ever have.
My first time
was supposed to be tonight.
Well, it's been a wonderful
evening so far.
I didn't get any dinner,
I didn't get any time alone,
and I didn't get any...
I hate getting notes,
any kind of notes.
The embarrassing notes
Mom leaves in your lunch,
the warning notes teachers
leave on your desk,
or the Dear John
notes that leave
you out in the cold.
Okay, Park, shields up, engage.
Hi, Annie.
I never thought your idea
of privacy
included festival seating.
Look, it wasn't my fault.
Sometimes things just...
Happen.
You really think
I wanted to experience
the most intimate moment
of my life
while Kubiac's
downstairs speed belching?
I'm so sorry.
Oh...
That's not the real reason
I left.
I got scared.
When I saw you kick out
your friends,
I suddenly realized
that this was it
and that we were really going
to be totally alone, and I...
I had to get out.
It's weird, huh?
No, not weird.
There I was on my parents' bed
with the girl I love,
and I couldn't stop shaking.
I built this night up
so much in my head.
I just didn't want anything
to go wrong.
I'm sorry, too.
I should have stayed
and talked this out
instead of running.
Mad at me?
A little.
Well, we missed Mannequin Two
on cable.
Look, let's not go nuts
thinking about how tonight
was supposed to end.
The house is still empty.
What do you say we go back,
have a no pressure dinner,
no dessert...
- Coolness?
- Coolness.
Parker?
I really "bluv" you, too.
- What'd I tell you?
- The place is empty.
Oh, my God!
I've been robbed.
Robbed and...
Painted?
What is this,
some kind of sick joke?
"I'll be back. Joey Pants."
Like I said,
I really hate getting notes.
Hello?
- Hi, honey.
- How's everything?
Uh, Green.
- I mean, great.
- Everything's great.
How are you and Dad?
We just called to remind you
and our viewers
that we'll be back home
first thing in the morning.
Enjoy this little extra touch
of drama, Park.
See you in nine hours.
Parker, what are you
going to do?
- Panic!
- And then fix everything.
But I'm going to need help,
a lot of help.
An hour ago,
I kicked all my friends
out of my house.
But that's the great part
about friends.
When you're down,
you can count
on them for help.
Maybe I spoke too soon.
How do I tell them about
something so private,
that I just wanted to spend
the night alone with my girl?
You don't have
to say anything,
little buddy.
Kub understand.
You do?
Kub understand because Kub
willy wuv you, too.
And the long-stem red rose?
- You are one classy dude.
- Dude!
Jerry, Louis.
Sir, why didn't you say
you wanted to watch cable?
You could have watched cable
at my house.
We could have
all watched cable together.
How did you all find out?
Let's just say
you two love bandits
are the new prime ticket
around here.
Do you have the...
You know, what we talked about?
Once a girl scout,
always a girl scout.
Annie, I...
Really bluv you.
Aww.
Park, we screwed up.
You two needed to be alone.
Our being there was
pure love disconnection.
We're all sorry.
Is there anything we can do
to set things right?
- That's it, sir.
- That truck right there.
Nice to be able
to depend on buds
not only to find your furniture,
but to arrange it, too.
- I've got readings.
- I've got signals!
Parents at 50 meters.
- They're here!
- Everybody out.
Our first night alone together.
Some fun, huh?
I'll remember it forever.
Good luck.
Mom, Dad, welcome home.
What's going on here, Park?
Oh, my God.
Dad knows?
The house,
it's just the way we left it.
Huh?
- Yes, it is.
- Just the way you left it.
Uh, that's good, right?
- What happened to the decorator?
- -Decorator?
You know,
the decorator that was
supposed to redecorate
and repaint the living room
while we were gone?
What could have happened
to Joey?
Joey?
Joey Pants was a decorator?
I thought
I asked you to tell Parker.
No, you asked me to remind you
to tell Parker.
Did you?
I'll try and get Joey
on the phone.
Thanks for looking after
the house, honey.
This time it wasn't
in the cards for Annie and me.
But we're still in love
and if our love survives,
then our first night together
is only a matter of finding
the right time.
I can wait.
I wonder how it takes
for paint to dry.
If I stand here any longer,
I'm gonna miss
In Living Color.
Mikey? Jerry?
Clyde? Hello?