Parker Lewis Can't Lose (1990–1993): Season 2, Episode 10 - Rock 'n' Roles - full transcript

Once again Shelley's found a new identity that she'll call her own to the dismay of Parker. The newest music sensation 'Jezebel' has captured the attention of the girls at Santo Domingo. As with everyone else Shelley feels that Jezebel is speaking to her in her music and she faithfully worships her following. As an upcoming concert looms Shelley is consumed with getting a ticket to the show even if it entails her resorting to being devious. Parker tries to help his sister as it appears she's brainwashed by the performer and Shelley has to come to terms with right and wrong. The end result is actually pretty good and a lesson is learned!

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- I wanted to see Raffi.

One ticket for Tom Petty
and The Heartbreakers.

Or should we make that two?

Kub want two for Swan Lake.

Huh?

Kub like poultry.

Do you have front row seats
for Crowded House?

Wanna buy some?



-== [ www.OpenSubtitles.org ] ==-

My sister Shelly
has sold her soul
to rock and roll,

specifically to Jezebel,

a singer who's one part
Madonna and one part
Scarlett O'Hara

with a twist of Lizzie Borden.

♪ You have a right
to take control

♪ The power's in your soul,
it's a power thing

I guess Shelly's
a normal teenage girl,

picking a famous rock star,

buying all her
records and posters...

and praying to
Jezebel like she's
a pagan god.

Shelly, mom says turn down
the music

before both your
brain cells explode.

♪ You can't win,
if you don't play,

- Hey, Park!
- How about making a purchase?

Your naked baby pictures?

Lemmer's SATs?

Musso's diary?

What's the deal, Shelly?

Jezebel tickets
go on sale at 9:00.

- I need one thing.
- Your donation.

It's not that I don't want
to help you and,
trust me, I don't,

but Jerry apportions
my cash flow.

What's your thing with
this Jezebel, anyway?

It's a power thing.

Jezebel taught me
how to be an individual.

Yup, it seems like
she's taught a lot of people
how to be an individual.

An individual who should spend
$150 on her custom-made
manacle.

These have to sell better than
that James Brown
lullaby video.

Want two tickets to the concert?

I hate Jezebel.

Thanks, Mom!

But I know
primo date bait when I see it.

- You know, I had this life-sized Jezebel display around.
- Park, have you seen it?

Yeah, it's in Shelly's
room having its toes kissed.

Can't say that I have, Dad.

Is this some
form of sibling loyalty?

The birth of devotion?

Or the storing of extortion
material for future use?

I'll detail your car!
I'll do your taxes!
I'll sell you my liver!

No! No, you hang on to that.

Judy? A little help, please?

Attention!
This is a sad and mournful day
for Santo Domingo High School.

Special obedience helper Frank
Lemmer has been called away to
ROTC Humvee driver training.

Oh, silence!

I am now considering
applications for
his replacement.

Too small.

Too lenient.

Just right.

Eat now?

♪ It's a power thing

- Look at them, Park.
- Throwing their lives away on bogus Abdul dance mixes,

when real rock and roll
is within reach.

And so is a night out with
a fascinating, beautiful...

Tickets!

Third row!

♪ Step into the limelight,
baby you belong
on center stage

♪ Don't allow those
jealous souls to
lock you in their cage

Okay, missies,
move along, move along,

no one to date here, move along.

All right, scufflers!

Discipline's got a
brand new name.

- Whoa!
- It's the Termineater.

- Ooh!
- Your mission, Laurence, is to control Jezebel-mania

before it destroys the
reputation, academic standing,
and property values

of my beloved school.
Go ahead, Laurence.
Do that Arnold thing again.

Hasta la vista, babies.

Hey, Park!

Lose something?

Whoa!

- Taste the glory, swallow it whole.
- It's a power thing.

Wanted. Shelly Lewis,
Jezebel junkie.

- Identifying marking?
- Black lingerie.

Her crime. Stealing
her brother's concert tickets.

Any information regarding her
whereabouts,

contact Parker Lewis
immediately.

Nz

Nzy

nzy to

nzy to f

nzy to fee

nzy to feed

nzy to feed he

nzy to feed her

nzy to feed her Je

nzy to feed her Jeze

nzy to feed her Jezebe

nzy to feed her Jezebel

nzy to feed her Jezebel ha

nzy to feed her Jezebel habi

nzy to feed her Jezebel habit,

Shelly stole my concert tickets.

She's acting like a kid,

but I'm going to
handle this maturely.

Be a role model.

Prove to her that I'm
someone to look up to.

Someday you'll
thank me for this.

Someday I'll make you pay.

Aah!

Yeah!

It's a power thing.

Coke, diet coke, burger,
salad. Trouble at home?

- Shelly.
- Hmm.

You know, when a little girl
starts growing up, it's kind
of like a wild weed pushing.

It's kind of like
a storm cloud rolling.

It ain't like nothing.

Well, we understand where
she's coming from, I mean,

we were into rock and roll
before the Stones
were even 40!

We went
to Woodstock for the music.

Of course, we were
different people then.

Man, the days when people
believed in the things
that really matter.

The stuff that really lasts.

Dishwater's hell
on a man's cuticles.

Who had the fries?

I need your fries
and your ketchup.

Shelly! I hear you're
ticketless again.
Lose your power thing?

- On the contrary!
- I just got it.

Can I try it on?

Yeah, right! When Whitney
Houston learns how to dance.

Where'd you get
the money, Shelly?

Inquiring wallets want to know.

Tell me a good story, Shelly.

One with a happy ending.

- You gave me no choice.
- I took advantage of the resources at hand.

Yeah. My resources.

- Look.
- I've got the Jezebel manacle, and I'm getting the Jezebel tickets.

No one's going to stop me.

Run that last part by me again.

You can't ground me
for a whole month!

You don't understand!

I understand your frustration.

I don't like
your tone, young lady.

- Don't move!
- - We'll be right back, honey.

I thought we agreed to reason
with her, like on 20/20?

But what about Donahue's
show on reviving
old-fashioned discipline?

Maybe Sally Jessy Raphael,
toxic children and their
poisonous parents?

Thank god I entered
puberty before Oprah
got her own show.

You understand me,
I know you do.

They still think
I'm 6 years old.

How come all parents
are so clueless?

- Okay, here's the plan.
- I will open with a little trans-generational humor.

And I'll follow up with
a positive value statement.

Want me to talk to her?

- Yes.
- Thank you. Thank you.

Not a problem.

Ladies and
gentlemen, Shelly Lewis,
rock and roll magician,

performing her all-new
surprise vanishing act.

In every sense of the word,
she's gone.

Man. Shelly crawls out the
window, doesn't leave a trail,

and there's no sign
of her anywhere.

She's growing up, Park.

- Great.
- I have maybe an hour before mom and dad check on Shelly.

And she's out there, somewhere,

partying,
having the time of her life!

You have a right
to take control.

It's a power thing.

- Okay, Shelly, let me guess.
- Jezebel needs blood and you're her type?

- I won't tell anyone that you let me in.
- I won't even go near the 17th floor.

Shelly, I know you think life
is going to be perfect

if you can just get up
to see Jezebel.

- I guess I'm the guy that's gotta tell you.
- Life ain't perfect.

- Gummy worms?
- They kind of take the edge off things.

Well, should we go get her

or let Parker handle it and
reinforce his sense
of brotherly responsibility?

If anyone knows how
to find Shelly, it's Park.

I have no idea where she is.

Laurence, you can't be
an instrument of discipline

if you lose concentration
every time someone
waves a cupcake at you.

Are you listening to me?

Are you going to eat that?

I've checked everywhere.

You remember Little League?

Yeah.

Maybe I should call her
friend Jane's.

The day of the big game
you had the flu pretty bad.

- Ooh, I was really sick.
- Could she be at the mall?

- Nah.
- -You were running a 103 temperature.

Your parents said you couldn't
play but you snuck out anyway.

Hmm. I was really weak.
The bat slipped right out
of my hands,

almost killed Howie Black.

Hmm. Boy that was a big
mistake, going to that game.

Yeah, but it was a mistake
you had to make.

Now it's Shelly's turn.

Hey. I see what you're...

How did you know
about Little League?

Everybody knows
about Little League.

Next?

- Bogus dream, Shel.
- Bogus life.

Hi. Lose something?

- My name's Shelly.
- What's yours?

- I can't talk to you.
- You're a stranger.

Yeah. Everywhere I go.

- Hi. Thanks for stopping her.
- Come on, Emily.

We'll order hot dogs
from room service.

Sometimes I need four hands.

I can loan you two.

Emily, did you know you can
order elephants
from room service?

No way.

Yes way!

Mom, is that true?

Could you help us inside?

Sure. I'm not going anywhere.

Big blue elephants, Emily.

Okay, but how do
they get elephants
up 17 floors?

That ball is going,
it's going, it's out of here!

Shelly Lewis hits a home run!

Oh, there you are!
You look terrific.
Get in here, get in here.

Give me a nice wide
tight shot. Nice wide tight
shot, that's it. That's it.

Make love to the lens.

- Where have you been?
- It's two hours until show time!

- Oh, my god!
- You're Jezebel!

- Can you say that again, sweetheart?
- Only more animated?

Not me, Jez!

Thanks again
for your help, um...

- Uh, Shelly!
- Shelly Lewis.

Uh, I'll thank them,
you go get ready.

- Shelly, my lawyer, Eric.
- No matter what he says, the sky is blue.

- Okay, Shelly.
- Here's an autographed picture.

Need a driver to take
you home? Hm?

If you believe in your own
dreams, you'll have the
strength to see them through.

All those fools that once said
no will at last attend to you.

Thanks. I'm glad you like it.

Like it? I live it!

You're the only person
in the world who
understands me.

I appreciate the complement,
Shelly, but I don't even
know you.

Well you don't know me,
but you know me.

Like in your song
"Rising Angel."

It's all about
breaking through,
being your own person.

Well, actually, it was about
watching the sun come up
over London.

It was Denver.

But I belong in there
somewhere, I can feel it!

- That's why I buy your albums.
- Why I watch your videos.

That's why I bought this.

- Out!
- The whole second team.

You too, Spielberg.

How old are you?

18.

Okay, so you're 14?

And five months!

Where'd you get the money
for this?

I took control.

Of what?

My brother's cash.

Eric, take the manacle
off the market.

Now!

- But it's a major revenue source.
- We don't want to lose...

Eric, this isn't a profit thing.

We're calling a press
conference to apologize
to the fans

and their parents
for encouraging them to
spend their money unwisely.

It's the right thing to do.

And fabulous PR.

I like it.

It's a great follow up
to losing the long box.

We can promote artistic
responsibility, positive
role models,

we can even cut the price
of your CDs.

Get real.

No sign of her at
the arena, sirs.

But I got twirly lights
for everyone!

Did you guys have any luck?

Zero. But if we couldn't
get in, no way Shelly could.

My parents were never my age.

If they were they wouldn't
ground me for a whole month

just because they feel like it.

- Being a parent is on the job training.
- It's tough.

Wow. At last, the real you.

- Come on, Shelly.
- All of this is just a game we've all agreed to play together.

It's kind of like
dreaming out loud.

- But your songs, the feelings.
- That's real. Please!

Shelly,

these are the people who
taught me how to bring
those feelings out.

- They're the pros.
- I'm just messing around, still learning.

Excuse me?

So your albums are a big joke
and I was stupid enough
to fall for it?

Thanks a lot.

- Hey. I'm a singer.
- I'm not a shrink.

- Or a magician.
- Or a babysitter.

Don't you dare turn the
responsibility for your
happiness over to me.

Time to go, ladies!

So, where are your seats,
Shelly?

- My tickets were...
- Misplaced.

How does front row center sound?

Cool!

This last song is dedicated
to a special new friend

who reminded me
of what's really real.

- One! Two!
- One! Two! Three!

♪ It's a power thing

Park! Why aren't you at
the concert?

And why are you dressed
like a bellboy?

I thought she was...

- Grounded? Absolutely.
- Thanks for asking.

But she doesn't have to spend
the whole month
locked in her room.

It's good to have you guys
home safe.

Thanks, Park.

- The great mysteries of the universe.
- And I live with them.

- End of the line, Laurence.
- Make your choice.

This job, or lunch?

I won't be back.

- No way, Shelly.
- Don't expect us to believe you really met Jezebel.

Fine, believe what you want.

But I know the difference
between illusion
and reality.

- Hey, Shel.
- Things were so crazy last night, you forgot this.

- Thanks again for the talk.
- I learned a lot.

So did I.

I wish we could stay, but
Mary Hart gets so cranky
if she has to wait.

Stay real, Shel.

- Okay, okay.
- So I was wrong.

I thought Shelly was going to
fall into the black hole
of rock and roll

- and never return.
- Instead, being a Jezebellie

was the best education
Shelly could ever get.

- Mental note.
- Start giving little sister benefit of the doubt.

She just might be on the path
to achieving coolness.

♪ The power's in your soul,
it's a power thing

♪ It's a power thing

♪ It's a power thing

♪ It's a power thing

♪ It's a power thing

Mr. Lewis? Mr. Randall?

Mr. Phillips? Hello?