Parenthood (2010–2015): Season 6, Episode 8 - Aaron Brownstein Must Be Stopped - full transcript

I think I'm losing my business.

I think the luncheonette's
going under.

I just don't want you
hiding from me.

I hate mom.
She's the worst.

It's so much better here
with you guys.

- I got asperger's.
- I don't know what to say.

So, in looking back, I think
that a lot of the stuff was me.

It wasn't you.

I asked you for a raise
because I think I deserve it,

and now I'm like a total piggy

and nobody's gonna want
to hire me.



And I got to try to help
my sister.

Max has feelings for you.

Do you think she likes me
at 3 yet?

Wow.
Pretty.

His face is really blue.
It's cute.

- I didn't do that.
- You did do that.

You did a good job.

- I did these.
- You did all of those.

What should we call him?

Mom, I need to know
how to ask a girl out.

What?

I need to know
how to ask Dylan out

on a date outside of this house.

We've had two dates inside
of the house,



but because of that, I'm worried
that I am in critical danger

of falling into the friend zone.

That is not a zone
that I want to be in.

Okay.

And I can't ask dad because
he's still away on business,

so again I ask, how do I ask
a girl out on a date?

Listen, I understand.

Are you sure that you want
to do this right now?

I'm absolutely sure
that I want to do this.

Maybe we should wait
for dad to get back.

I'm not going to wait
for dad to get back.

How do you ask a girl out?

Okay.
All right.

Um...
[Sighs]

- How do I ask a girl out?
- Here's the thing, buddy.

Sometimes, sometimes,
the problem is,

is when you ask somebody out,

you don't know how
they're going to respond.

I know exactly how
she's going to respond,

and that is not what I asked.

I need to know
the specific protocol.

Okay.

I guess you just...

You just ask them.

You say, um,

"would you like to go out
on a date?"

Okay, understood.

I'm going to go get changed.

Dad says ladies appreciate
a little effort.

Are you sure you don't want
to wait, Max?

♪ Max has a girlfriend ♪

[Sighs]

So I was talking to my mom
the other day.

Yeah?

She was mentioning
how her office

is looking to hire someone
part-time

to help with the filing.

Well, that's very exciting.

It is,

especially since it's paying
$30 an hour.

- To file?
- Yep.

What are they storing
down there?

Launch codes?

I know.
It's a lot of money.

That's why I told her
I was interested.

You're interested in filing?

I'm interested in $30 an hour.

It could really help us out.

No, no, hon, that's...

That's not fun.
You don't want to do that.

Well, it's probably not
going to be fun,

but it'll just be
for a little while,

until the luncheonette
gets back on its feet.

- No.
- What's the big deal?

What you guys talking about?

Uh, we were just celebrating.

Your mom got a new job.

Oh, yay.
Go, mommy.

- Baby. Mommy.
- Yay.

- Now can I get an iPhone?
- Go, mommy.

No.

[Indistinct arguing in distance]

No, you just...
you don't believe in me!

Oh, please don't try
and manipulate me!

- That's what it is, okay?
- Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

What's going on?
What's going on?

Dad, mom thinks I'm an idiot

and I can't spend
one night alone.

I don't think
that you're an idiot, Ruby.

I think that some
of your friends are idiots,

and I think those idiots are
going to end up at my house.

Mom, I promised you,
like, 1,000 times.

I will not have any people over.

- [Scoffs] Okay.
- I swear!

Yeah.
Why not?

I believe her.

Thank you.

- She says it, right?
- Thank you, dad.

It's nice to have one parent
that actually believes in me.

Please, really?
You're gonna really just sell me

up the river in this?

I just want you to tell me
that you can watch Ruby

tomorrow night.

- Well, I can't.
- I'm not a baby.

I don't need to be watched.

Yeah, and I got a client
coming over,

so I think it'll be all right.

I have a two-day conference
in Gilroy.

Now I'm gonna have
to drive back at night,

unless we can find a babysitter
for her.

No, we don't need
a babysitter, okay?

Dad, dad, can you please tell
mom that I'm 15 years old,

I'm not gonna have
any people over,

and that she can believe me?

- Look, I believe her.
- Really?

I'm gonna be here, anyway.
I'm five minutes away.

If she gets scared
or something...

okay, so it's settled.
Okay.

- Yeah.
- Thank you so much, dad.

- You promise, right?
- Yes.

- She promises.
- I swear, okay?

Both: Yeah.
- Thank you.

[Scoffs]

[Lively acoustic guitar music]

♪ ♪

Hi, Max!

Hey, I had an idea
for our chemistry project.

- Where is Dylan?
- I don't know.

I was thinking
a watermelon volcano.

- Have you seen Dylan?
- Not really. Why?

It's important that I find her.

Where's Dylan?

Uh, I saw her heading into
the kitchen a few minutes ago.

That doesn't make any sense.

It's not even kitchen hours.

♪ ♪

[Music stops]

♪ May God bless
and keep you always ♪

♪ and may your wishes
all come true ♪

♪ may you always do
for others ♪

♪ and let others do for you ♪

♪ may you build a ladder
to the stars ♪

♪ and climb on every rung ♪

♪ and may you stay ♪

♪ forever young ♪

♪ may you grow up
to be righteous ♪

♪ may you grow up to be true ♪

♪ may you always know
the truth ♪

♪ and see the lights
surrounding you ♪

♪ may you always be
courageous ♪

♪ stand upright and be strong ♪

♪ and may you stay ♪

♪ forever young ♪

♪ may you stay ♪

♪ forever young ♪

You know how low we are
in donations, Stephanie.

If you can give this to us,
that would be amazing.

- Mom.
- Yeah.

[Whispers] Hold on one second.

Yeah, exactly.

- Mom.
- It's so much work.

Actually hold on a second.

You need to expel
Aaron Brownstein.

Stop it. You cannot just
barge in like this, okay?

You need to expel
Aaron Brownstein.

I'm gonna go ahead
and call you back,

but put the order in.

Okay, bye.

You cannot just barge in
like that, honey.

When we're at school,
I'm headmaster...

he was in the kitchen
during hours

when he was not permitted
to be in the kitchen.

Okay, honey, that's not really
an expulsion-worthy...

he's also extremely disruptive,

unable to focus,
and he has behavioral issues.

Sweetheart, every kid at this
school has behavioral issues.

That is the entire point
of chambers academy.

- No, mom, he broke the rules!
- I need you to stop.

That should reason enough
for you to expel him!

Max, babe, I need you
to sit down...

this is a private school!

You don't even need a reason.

You can just expel him
if you want to.

Can you just please calm down?

I can't while a student
like Aaron Brownstein

is allowed to roam the halls!

[Sighs]

This is the bottle warmer here.

There is mushed-up vegetables
in the fridge,

which she doesn't like,

so you're gonna have
to kind of force-feed her.

Yeah, well, I think I have
a few tricks up my sleeve.

Okay, hey, thank you so much
for doing this.

I really appreciate it.
Of course.

It's great to get in
a little aida time.

Yeah, well, we'll see
if you feel that way

after she screams
for two hours straight.

We'll be fine.

Jasmine must be so excited
about going back to work.

Yeah, she... yeah.

Yeah, okay.
Is she back at Berkeley or...

Is she teaching somewhere else?

She... um, she decided not
to go back into teaching,

so, yeah.

- Really?
- Okay, I love you.

What's she doing?

Um, she is actually, um,
filing,

administrative, you know.

Admin and filing.
Filing?

- Yeah, it's a work, you know...
- Really?

- Yeah.
- Huh.

I mean, between you and I,

I think she was feeling
a little cooped up

in the home
with the baby all day,

so it's really just an excuse
to get out of the house.

Yeah, sure, well,
I can understand that.

Yeah, it's gonna be good
for her.

She's gonna like it.
I love you.

I love you.
Say bye to daddy.

- Bye-bye, daddy.
- Bye-bye, sweetie.

Don't all of your apple
in one bite!

Seems easy enough.

This is gonna be so much fun,

you and me working together.

I know, I know.

It's gonna be great.

Thanks for making this happen,
mom.

Of course.

I must admit
I was little surprised

that you took the job.

I thought you didn't want to go
back to work

until aida was a little older.

Okay, mom, out with it.

You don't have to dance
around it.

Dance around what?

Well, Jasmine, I know
that being a file clerk

is not your dream,
so I'm not gonna pretend

that I'm not a little worried.

Well, you don't have to worry.

You know, things
are just a little bumpy

at the luncheonette.

That's all.
How bumpy?

Jasmine, I am your mother,

and if you are having
financial problems...

We're not having problems yet,

but Crosby's optimistic
things will turn around.

Honestly, I don't...
I don't know.

- Hey, Ben.
- Hey, Renee. There's that.

Is this your daughter?
It certainly is.

Jasmine, this is Ben.

He's one of our
senior accountants.

- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Very nice to meet you.

I just wanted to tell you
how amazing your mother is.

She is. She is.

She's our rock star
around here.

She is.

Hope you'll be here
for the long haul too, though.

Thanks, Renee.
Thanks, Ben.

What?
This is too good for you?

I didn't say that.

All right.

We might be doing this
for 10, 20 years together, girl.

- You got benefits?
- [Laughs]

[Strums minor chord]

♪ Does your cat like his food ♪

♪ or does he push it away ♪

♪ with his little paw ♪

♪ and act really rude ♪

Both:
♪ meow, meow, meow ♪

♪ that's the sound
of a hungry cat ♪

Both:
♪ meow, meow, meow ♪

This is demoralizing.

Yeah, well,
this is what you get

when you have to pivot
your business model.

It's a lot of jingles.

It's really bad, Amber.

Thank you for inviting me
to hear this.

Yeah, mm-hmm. Enjoy.

Well, at least
it's a paycheck, you know?

- Yeah.
- It is a paycheck.

Can you please Google
what the strongest painkiller

a pregnant person can take is?

Hold on, I got to wait
for my econ grade to load.

- Econ?
- Yeah.

Why would you take econ?

You're, like, really bad
at math.

I'm not bad at math.

Yes, you are.
You're famously bad at it.

- I'm very good at math.
- No, no.

Everyone in the family knows
you're bad at math.

If you're good at math,

multiply $478 an hour
times three hours,

so we know how much
we're selling our souls

for this session.

By the way, didn't you know
that it was $300?

- What do you mean it's $300?
- Yeah.

- $1,434, by the way.
- What'd you guys think?

- Adam gave them a special rate.
- A special rate for this?

It should be twice as much
for this.

- Hello?
- Not special rate.

We couldn't get 'em
in the door otherwise.

- What? Huh?
- Did you like it?

Wow.
Just, wow.

It was really something.

You know, it felt the same way
in here.

Let's go again!
Yeah, let's do it again.

Well, we could land
on the moon ten more times,

but, you know, the flag's
already planted, so...

- Wow.
Both: Yeah.

Take a flyer.

Expel Aaron Brownstein.

He's a menace to our society
at large.

Hey, Max, what are you doing?

Here.
Expel Aaron Brownstein.

I took my problems
to the administration,

but they ignored my voice,
so I'm taking it to the people.

Yo, man, the administration
is your mom.

I'm very well aware that
the administration is my mom.

Hey, asperger's.

You running for mayor
or something?

It's important
that everyone know

exactly what kind of student
Aaron Brownstein is.

Yeah, he's a freak.
We're all freaks, Max.

That's the point of this school.
No, he's worse.

He is a menace,
and he deserves expulsion.

- Hey.
- Here, take a flyer.

What the hell is your problem,
Braverman?

Problems.
Plural.

They are clearly listed
in this flyer.

Get those papers
out of my face.

- What is wrong with you?
- You're such a little bitch.

Excuse me?

Calls students derogatory names.

Okay, Max, you don't have
a problem when I call you...

yeah, no, he called me
a "little bitch,"

were his exact words.
Okay, okay, I heard it, okay.

Get out of my face!

Okay, everybody,
can we please just settle...

no!

Max, you're being
a little too asperger's.

Aaron, you're being
a little too ADHD.

I'm gonna kick your ass,
Braverman!

Please stop!

Can we all just...

can you guys please just stop?

Get out of here!

Stop. Stop.
Max, stop it!

Stop it! Stop it!

Stop. Stop. Stop.
Stop!

Both of you.
Max!

Max! Stop it!

What is happening?
He started it.

I don't care who started it.

Get in my office.
No!

Get in my office right now,

both of you.

Aaron, go.

What?

"Excessive PDA"?
What does this even mean?

He was kissing Dylan.

Honey.

Honey, get in my office, please.

[Flyers smack on floor]

Get back to class,
and pick this up, please.

[Breathes deeply]

Aaron, you can go back
to class.

Hey, Max, um...

We have to talk about this,
buddy.

What just happened can't...

everything in the flyer
is true.

I don't really want to talk
about the flyer, babe.

I...

Look, I know

how you feel about Dylan,
and I know...

as headmaster, my personal
feelings are not your concern.

But, buddy, I'm your mom too,
you know?

And I know that your feelings
are really hurt.

I know that.

I don't want to talk about it.

Okay.

Am I in trouble
for distributing the flyer?

No, honey,
you're not in trouble.

Can I go to class?

You can go to class.

[Gentle piano music]

♪ ♪

[The ramones blitzkrieg bop
playing]

♪ ♪

♪ hey, ho ♪

♪ let's go ♪

♪ hey, ho ♪

♪ let's go ♪

♪ hey, ho ♪

♪ let's go ♪

♪ hey, ho ♪

♪ let's go ♪

♪ they're forming
in a straight line ♪

♪ they're going through
a tight wind ♪

[Music stops]

Hey!

You just scared the crap
out of me.

You're scaring me.

I'm worried.
Should I be worried?

- You should knock...
- I should knock.

- Before you just barge in.
- Okay.

I'm trying to cleanse
this place

with a little punk rock

after that cat endeavor
we went through.

Yeah, that was bad.

Whoo!
I think I hurt my neck.

Well...

If you liked the cat commercial,

you're gonna love this.

Just got a call from Adam.

Oh, boy.

We got ourselves
a toothpaste commercial, baby.

- Oh.
- That's right.

Oh, tell me
it's a brightening one.

Obviously
it's a brightening one.

We're not chumps!

Oh, by the way,
at the reduced rate!

Let me guess, a reduced rate!

Both: Yay!

- Oh, my God.
- Ay-yi-yi.

I don't want to record
toothpaste commercials.

I want to record
the Foo Fighters and metallica

or, you know, something.

Yeah, me too.

Hey, I...

I had this crazy idea.

Okay, just hear me out.

I heard this band,
and they're called cornfed,

which is the grossest name.
Oh, yeah.

They're really good.
Terrible, terrible name.

- Yeah, but they're good, right?
- Uh-huh.

And so I did some digging,

and it turns out they're looking
at recording at bayview.

- At bayview?
- I know.

Why not just record in
the back of a cleaning van?

I mean, that is...
[Laughs] I know.

I feel the same way.
That place is the worst.

But so check it out, okay.

They're playing tonight,

and I think that we should
go there.

We'll go down to the elbo room,
you and me,

and we'll be
really passionate...

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

I have a dinner date
with my mother-in-law,

which is...

Okay, first of all...
[Snores]

And second of all,
does it start at 11:00 P.M.?

Because that's when they go on.
11:00 P.M.?

That's almost midnight.

I can't go out at midnight.

What are you?
Uncle Adam?

What's going on?
I am not Adam.

- You are Adam.
- No.

Look, I know that we're tired
and we're stressed

and we have a lot of stuff
going on,

but, you know,
I didn't come here

and join a rock and roll studio
to play it safe,

and I don't think
that you did either.

You know, we're losing
our soul here,

and if you, our creative heart
of this whole studio,

can't go out past midnight,

then, like, we're doomed.

Come on.
Do this with me.

Have this adventure.

- Okay.
- Yeah? You in?

- I'm in.
- Yeah.

I'm in.
Pregnant girl and the dad.

- What a team.
- Let's party Hardy.

They'll never see us coming.

[Camera shutter clicks]

Okay, um...

Danielle, can you just get

a little of that
off the forehead?

There's a little shine there.

Gonna be one minute.

Everything looks good, though.

- Hey, dad.
- Hey. How's it going?

Yeah, everything's fine.

There's a real housewives
marathon on TV,

so my night is made.

Okay, good.

Well, um, you know, if you get
spooked or anything,

I'm right here.

I'm just a phone call away,
so...

That's... that's really sweet,
but I'm fine.

Okay.
Hey, what's that?

[Indistinct chatter]

- What?
- What was that?

I heard something.
I heard voices.

The maybe it's the TV
or something.

I didn't hear anything.
Sounded like people.

Dad, you sound like mom.

Okay, I made you a promise.

I'm not gonna have any
people over, and I'm not.

- I know.
- Okay.

I know.

All right, I love you.

Okay, I love you...
[Phone clicks]

Too.

William!

[Indistinct chatter] Hey!

Hey.
Oh, my God.

I was so proud of Jasmine
at work today.

[Chuckles]

She said you guys
had a great time.

Both: Mm-hmm.

I know it's not your dream job,

but, you know, you do what
you have to do in this economy.

Yeah.

I mean, this economy
has been hard

on a lot of people.

I was talking to a girlfriend
at church,

and her son just got
his real estate license.

Mm.
That's great.

I guess you don't have to have
previous experience.

He just sold his first house.

Really?

Good for him.
I thought so.

Apparently the market
has turned around completely.

So, I mean, I don't know
if you'd be interested,

but if you want to hear
more about it,

I can put you in touch.

You know, I'm good,

but thanks for thinking of me.

Yeah, mom, Crosby
is pretty busy as it is.

Yeah, with the business I own.

Yeah, mom, Crosby
you know, the studio.

Well, I wasn't talking about
leaving the studio.

I mean, that's your dream,
right?

Oh, okay.

- While things are slow...
- Uh-huh.

It might be nice, comforting,

to have a little something
on the side.

Yeah, you know, show houses
on my lunch break

or maybe at night.

Some night showings.
No, weekends.

Oh.
Great.

Great idea.

I think he made $20,000
or $30,000.

I mean, that's something
to think about.

No, mom.

What?
Did I say something wrong?

[Thumping dance music]

[Indistinct chatter]

[Phone ringing]

[Phone buzzes]

I I have to take this.

Yeah, hi, Hank.

Yeah, hi.
She lied to me.

Ruby lied to me.
It is... it's a party.

Right now.
Right now in your house.

- Oh, crap.
- Yeah, it's big.

It's big.

There's a keg.
There's a keg right there.

I'm watching the keg going in
the house right now,

and... I don't know what that is.

Marijuana paraphernalia.
I can't tell at this distance.

- Where are you?
- I'm just... the stree.

Wait, hold on.
Hold on.

It is.
It's marijuana paraphernalia.

Well, get...

get in there and bust it up.

What are you doing?

Ino.
I just...

I can't go in there, 'cause...

Yes, you can.

You go in and you say,
"get the hell out."

Yeah, but then she's gonna
think that I don't trust her.

Yeah, because you didn't.

But we're in a good place now,
me and her.

Hank, there is a keg
in my house,

and I need you to get it out.

She said, "I love you, dad."
Okay?

You know, she doesn't
say that a lot.

Oh, that's her.

Oh, my God.
You made it.

[Laughs] Oh, yes.

Oh, God.
I don't know what to do.

I know.

You never did.
It's fine.

I'm on my way home.

♪ ♪

♪ wake up to the sunlight ♪

[Knock on door] One sec.

Okay.
Hi, Mrs. Braverman.

Hey.

Um...

Come on in.
Thanks.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Do you want me to get Max?

No, no.
Can I...

can I just...
can I talk to you?

- Yeah, of course.
- Okay.

How did you get here?

I just... I rode my bike.

Oh, okay.
It's just late, so...

Yeah, sorry.
I'm sorry.

It's okay.
What's going on?

Um, you've...
you heard about me and Aaron.

Yeah, I've heard.

Is Max...
Is Max upset?

He was.
He is.

He's upset.

He keeps asking you I like Aaron,

and I don't really know
what to say.

I just... I like him.

I just like him, and...

And then Max keeps talking about

how the scale of affection
is fluid

and how someday I'm gonna
like him at a 5 or whatever.

I don't...
I don't know.

I'm really sorry.

I'm never...

I'm never gonna like Max,
like, in that way.

That's okay.
That's how it goes.

Yeah, I didn't want
to hurt Max.

I know that you didn't,

and he'll get through it.

It's not...
Okay.

- It's okay.
- Yeah, I'm...

I'm really, really...

hey, asperger's.
Hi, bud.

What is she doing here?

- Um, I'm your friend.
- She came by to...

Both: Hang out.

- Hang out like friends.
- Yeah.

We're not friends.

[Somber acoustic guitar music]

♪ ♪

Oh, um...

♪ ♪

- Amber?
- Hi.

- Hey.
- Help me up.

Your roommate told me
you were here.

Ow!

- You okay?
- Yeah.

So I am here to steal you away

for a surprise date night.

Oh, Amber, I can't.
Sorry.

I can't go on a date night.
Wait.

You don't even know
what this date night entails.

Big stuff.
Yeah, well, I have

an economics re-test to take
tomorrow now, so...

Okay, yeah, I know.
School, school, school, school.

But check this out.
Yes, school.

We're gonna go
to the elbo room.

We're gonna see
this amazing band.

We can go, like, backstage

and talk to them and stuff
because I might sign them.

This could be, like,
my big break and everything.

It's gonna be a whole adventure.

That sounds great.
I just can't go.

- Why?
- Because I have a re-test,

which means I didn't do good.

He's letting me redo it
tomorrow.

But you can go
for a little bit.

You know full well we're not
gonna go for a little bit.

- No, we will.
- Amber.

Come on. What?

No. I can't go.

Okay, but it's kind of, like,
important for me,

because this could be, like,
the last time...

this is kind of important
for me.

But, Dre this could be
the last time

at and I get to, like,
go out and be crazy and stuff...

- What does that even mean?
- Before I have a baby.

Yeah, exactly.
You're about to have a baby.

You're about to lose your job.

You know how much money it takes
to raise a kid?

And mom doesn't have any money
either,

so someone has to make
some money,

which is what I'm trying to do.

All: Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

[All cheering]

[Thumping dance music]

♪ ♪

Ruby.

Ruby!

- Dad?
- Hi.

I'm Ruby's dad!

I'm the dad.
That means get out.

Now.
Let's go!

[Music stops] Out now!

Yeah, let's go.
Let's go, breakfast club.

Beat it.
Bye.

Put it down, jughead.

[Somber acoustic guitar music]

♪ ♪

Hmm.

What are you doing?

I told you Amber and I
got to go to the club

to hustle that band.

Yeah, I know,
but what's up with the pot?

I mean, it's Tuesday.

[Laughs]

Oh, 'Ron a no pot
on Tuesdays rule now?

No more motorcycle.
I need a different career.

And now no weed on tues...
Here we go.

Okay, yeah, have it all.

- I don't want that.
- Take it.

- No.
- Weed police.

Please.
What... what's wrong with you?

Hey!

Honey, you went and told
your mother

that I'm having
financial problems.

You know how emasculating
that is?

Oh, come on,
I took a crappy desk job.

It doesn't take a genius
to figure it out.

And we are having troubles.

- Yeah, uh-huh, yeah.
- We, you and I.

- Yeah, oh, believe me.
- It's not just you.

Yeah, I know it's not just me.

I know that there are four
people I'm failing right now.

You, aida, Jabbar, me.

I'm not providing.
I get it.

And we're all in this together!

- Okay.
- Why can't you get that?

All right,
you know what we're gonna do?

We're gonna take
your mom's advice.

We're gonna be a husband
and wife real estate team.

Oh, come on.

Let's get our faces
on park benches.

That'll be great.

This is what I do.

This is how I provide
for the family.

It's interesting bunch
of friends you got there.

A couple weirdoes.

Older kids.

Yeah, I really don't know
how they all showed up.

I only invited, like,
a couple people.

- Yeah.
- Like, four people.

And then...
I don't know.

That's how these parties go,
you know.

See?
Yeah, yeah.

You get it.

I mean, mom would totally
not get it,

and she would, like, yell at me
and...

Yeah, well...

You're not gonna tell her,
are you?

Please.
She already knows.

Are you kidding?
Wait. You told her?

- What do you think?
- You didn't...

no, you have to...
Just clean up.

You have to call her
and tell her

that it wasn't that big
of a deal,

that it was just me
and, like, a couple friends.

What do you mean?
It's obviously a big deal!

There's... look around!

There's a keg in the bathtub.

Why are you getting so mad
at me?

- 'Cause you lied to me!
- I told you...

you lied to me!
I trusted you.

Then you told me
that you loved me,

which obviously
was to manipulate me,

and it did.

I'm going to bed.

No, you're not going to bed.

Ruby, we got to clean this up,
Ruby!

Ruby!
Oh, yeah, yeah.

And I told you I loved you
just to manipulate you, okay?

Because I really don't
love you...

At all.

I hate you.

[Cable car bell dinging]

[Indistinct chatter]

- Seriously?
- Oh, oh, oh.

Hey, hey.
Thank God. Hi.

- So sorry I was late.
- No, no, no.

It's fine. It's fine.
I just...

I'm so embarrassed
being pregnant here.

- About what?
- What do you mean?

- You look so cute.
- No, I don't.

There will be
chubby chasers here.

This is a very eclectic club.

No, it's embarrassing.

Like, what am I doing
out at a club?

- That's not the attitude.
- Ay-yi-yi.

- Okay. We're going in.
- Hope that's true.

- Arms out real quick.
- Huh?

- Arms out.
- You didn't frisk anyone else.

What are you... oh!
Why are you touching me, man?

Is Obama inside or...

- What's that?
- It's weed, yeah.

It's my medicine,
because I have glaucoma.

I want to be able to see
the show.

All right, well,
you can't take it in there.

Crosby, did you bring
weed here?

We're in San Francisco.

I can't bring some grass
in there?

Okay, well, look,
if you want to come in the club,

you can throw this away
and I'll let you in the club.

I'm a dad of two.

I have a mortgage,
I have a crazy mother-in-law,

and this is my night
to go in there,

burn a little leaf
in the toilet,

and relax.

How about you let me do that?

I'll just go in,
and we'll do that.

Whoa.
Are you gonna be a problem?

- Ow, ow, ow.
- Am I gonna be a problem?

No, I'm not a problem.
Just let me in.

- No.
- Oh, I'm a problem.

- Hey, old guy.
- Huh?

Old guy!
Move it along.

- Okay.
- Crosby...

Why don't you pipe down,
all right?

- Crosby, chill.
- Move it along!

Soundgarden broke up!
They're not playing tonight!

Okay, one direction's
not playing either,

so you're in the wrong line.

Listen to me...
Crosby.

Go ahead and get all your...
whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Crosby, something's wrong.
- What?

Maybe I'm having the baby
or something.

I got to go.
Okay.

Get me to the hospital
right now.

You guys are lucky.
Oh, oh!

- Come on. Come on.
- You're a loser.

- Crosby!
- You are a loser.

You just got saved
by a pregnancy, bud.

- Crosby.
- Thank your lucky stars.

- Crosby, come on!
- All right, bud?

You all right?
You need me to carry you?

- [Moans]
- Okay, we're here.

Ow.

I'm gonna find you somebody,
all right?

- It hurts so bad.
- Okay, listen.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

We have a pregnancy situation
here.

What's going on?

A really bad pain
or a cramp or something.

Okay, let's get you looked at.

Feels like
another one's coming.

Okay, do you want me
to call your mom?

Ow!
No, it's fine.

- All right.
- She's in Napa.

She can't do anything anyway.

Okay.
How about drew?

Should I get drew on the phone?

Um, no, I don't want
to stress him out.

It's fine.
Okay.

So... you're gonna be fine.
We're here.

And then I stay...
where do you want me?

- Crosby!
- Okay. All right.

We'll get you in the room.

[Plastic cup rattles on ground]

Hank.

Hey.
Uh, they're all gone.

All the kids are gone.
I got 'em all out,

and I cleaned up
the whole place,

so don't worry.
It's all clean.

Thank you.
Where's Ruby?

She is asleep...

And hating me.

It's not funny.
No, it's no joke.

I mean, she actually said it.
She said those words.

She said, "I hate you, dad."

Well, I'm sure
she didn't mean it.

I'm pretty sure that she did.

It sounded like she did.

Yeah, she probably did mean it.

Are you happy?
I don't get it.

What are you... is this like
an asperger's thing

that I can't...
No, no.

I'm livid, actually,
but with Ruby.

I feel like this
is the first time

I'm not on my own in this,

and it's nice.

Yeah.

What do we do now, though?

We got to punish her?
Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

We are gonna ground her ass
to the wall.

- Yeah.
- Three weeks.

- Three weeks.
- Minimum.

We could discuss it
over a drink.

Did the kids bring
anything good?

Actually there's a bottle
of Brandy.

[Chuckles] Ooh.

BlackBerry Brandy.
Remember that?

- That'll do.
- Yeah, crack that open.

I feel like getting drunk.

[Groans]

Oh, yeah.

That tastes like high school.

[Chuckles]

I got to tell you, though,
when...

When she said "I hate you,"

even if she didn't mean it,

it hurt.

[Chuckles] Yeah.

I know.

She won't in the morning.

- This is hard.
- [Laughs]

I know.

I didn't think
it was going to be this hard.

Yeah.

Braxton Hicks contractions
are very common,

and I see nothing
you need to worry about.

How are you feeling?
Much better, thanks.

Good.

We're just gonna run
a few more tests,

and then you should be able
to go home shortly.

- Great.
- Thanks.

That's a huge relief.
Yeah, thank you.

It was a little scary
on the car ride.

Yeah, sorry.

Just...

I dragged you out and then
ruined our big night out.

Huh?
No, no, no, no.

It ended up like this.

Are you kidding?
Don't be sorry.

Are you...

the only jerk tonight
was that big galoot

who stole my dime bag of weed.

- [Laughs]
- Okay?

- Crosby.
- I'm on a budget right now.

I can't be donating weed
to door guys.

I can get you plenty of weed.
It's not a problem.

Seriously, though, I...
I ruined our chance

at getting that band to record
at the luncheonette,

and are we gonna be okay
without that?

Amber, it's... first of all,
it's not on you

to save the luncheonette.

That's Adam and I's job,

so don't take that on.

And you need to be prepared
for the possibility

that it might not be saveable.

Crosby, no, you can't say that.

Crosby, please.

Don't walk away from this yet.

I know we can still fix it.

We love the luncheonette.

I know.

I do too, but, you know...

There are certain realities
that are going on right now,

and you're about to find out
what I'm dealing with,

which is, you know, you get...
you're responsible for people

and they're counting on you,
and you got to support 'em,

so...
Crosby.

I can't promise
I'm gonna go down with the ship,

if that's what's happening.

No, don't give up.
Please.

This is the luncheonette.

This is, like, our passion.

Please don't walk away from it
just yet.

I really think we can still
fix it.

[Indistinct chatter]

Hello, Dylan.

I've been thinking,
and it makes absolutely no sense

that you would like Aaron.

You and I have more common
interests than you and him,

and also I am taller than him,

- yeah, okay, Max...
- So the only reason

I can think that you like him
instead of me is that I have not

properly expressed the nature
of my feelings for you.

- No, that's not...
- As such,

I've made you this incredible
and romantic gift.

[Laughter]

Oh, my gosh.

That is fantastic.

As you can see,
I've incorporated horses

into this collage,
as I know you like horses

from this drawing that you made.
Right.

Yeah, I see.
Also, these are photos of you.

Some of them are candid,
some of them staged,

and it shows my photography
at its best.

- Dylan, this is so romantic.
- So romantic.

It is an incredibly romantic
gift,

and as you can see,
I like you very much,

and I want you to be
my girlfriend.

Yeah, um, it's...

- It's completely creepy.
- Yeah.

I don't care about
what you two think.

Do you like it?
I can't take this, Max.

I can't... I can't take this.
Of course you can.

If it helps, I can also express
my feelings for you verbally.

- No, that's okay.
- Oh, I totally wanna hear this.

- No, that's fine.
- No, please, go ahead.

I enjoy the way you talk to me
and the way

that your hair smells.
Okay.

Max, can you please stop?
Her hair smells really good.

Also you have incredibly blue,
pretty eyes.

- Max, can you please...
- I've been told to compliment

your eyes and your smile,
from the Internet.

Max, please stop.

- It does not make any sense!
- That's not the point, Max.

I just... can you please stop?
Please.

- No, I'm not going to stop.
- Please! Will...

it doesn't make any sense

that you like him
more than you like me.

- Max.
- Especially with this.

Also I input all
of our compatibility matches

into an Internet matchmaker,

and it told me that...
That's not...

Max, buddy,
can you come in my office

for a second, please?
No, I'm not coming...

- I need to talk to you.
- Lunch is not over,

and I am not done expressing
my love for Dylan.

Max, Max, I don't...
I don't love you back.

Okay?
Why?

I don't know how to explain it.

- Then what is it about?
- I don't know, Max!

I don't understand!

Max, I will never love you,
okay?

Please, just leave me alone!

[Dramatic acoustic guitar music]

♪ ♪

Max.

Max!
[Horn honks]

Max!
[Tires screech]

What the hell is wrong with you?

Are you kidding me?

Max, buddy.

[Panting]

Buddy.
You can't do that to me, okay?

Can we talk about this?
I just want...

I don't want to talk about it.

I know you don't want
to talk about it.

Well, can you just
please listen?

I know you're embarrassed,
and I know that you're hurt,

okay, and that's totally normal.

But I just want to tell you

that I...

I am so incredibly proud of you.

What you did up there
took so much courage,

and I thought that your collage
was absolutely beautiful.

Absolutely beautiful.

Dylan's friend
said it was creepy.

It's not creepy.

There was nothing about that
that was creepy, honey.

You just showed your emotions,

and you know how many people
can't do that?

It conveyed everything
that you're feeling inside.

I had no idea you were feeling
all those things,

and it's just...

Buddy, listen.

I know that it sucks right now,

and I know that you're mad

because Dylan doesn't feel
the same way about you

that you do her, but...

I got to tell you,

I guarantee
that someday very soon

you're gonna have all these
emotions again,

and it's gonna be
for the right girl,

and you know how you're gonna
know it's the right girl?

Because that girl is gonna
like you the same way back.

I can guarantee you.

So I don't want you to get down

and I don't want you
to get upset,

'cause what you did
was truly amazing.

Doesn't feel amazing.

I know.

- Hey.
- Hi.

Can I talk to you for a second?

I know you're busy.
Oh, it's fine.

Okay.

Oh, God.
What's up?

Oh, man.
I'm so sweaty.

- You're very pregnant.
- [Laughs]

So this is gonna sound dramatic,

but I had to go to the hospital
last night.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

- The baby's fine?
- Yeah, it's fine.

I just had this, like,
really bad pain,

and it turned out to be nothing,

but still it was scary,
you know, and...

- Yeah.
- And I wanted to call you,

like, obviously right away,

but...
Yeah.

Like, I didn't want
to stress you out,

and you've been so flipped out
over this whole thing,

and I just didn't want to, like,
push you over the edge.

No, okay, if you go to the
hospital, you have to call me.

I know,
and I don't want to have

there be any weird
financial stress between us.

Yeah.

It's something I have
to figure out.

Not... not you.

- That's what I'm trying to do.
- Is it?

- Yeah.
- With economics?

Okay.

It's not a lot
of magic involved.

Economics is vaguely enjoyable.

It's not terrible.
Vaguely enjoyable.

- Yes.
- Hmm, that's a rave review

to base the rest
of your entire life on.

But you know what I'm saying.

I don't,

and frankly I don't want you
to waste any time

on something
that you don't really love.

- I won't.
- I'm serious.

Me too, yeah.

- Yes.
- I promise.

Okay.

Thanks.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I present to you
our grounded teenage daughter.

May you fair better with her
than I did.

Ruby, I will see you tomorrow,
okay?

Please try not to make
your dad's life miserable.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Good luck.
Yeah.

- Be strong.
- I'll be all right.

- Bye, guys.
- All right.

- Bye.
- Bye-bye.

- What?
- Nothing. Nothing.

Just surprised you didn't run
in your room already.

Slam the door.

Well, I can't watch TV
or go online

or talk to my friends, so...

I hope you're prepared
to entertain me.

Well, you don't need any
of that stuff.

We're gonna figure
something to do.

Do whatever you want.

You want to, uh...

how about a puzzle?

You want to do a puzzle?

- That...
- No?

That's like when I was ten,
dad.

Yeah, no, I know.
Um...

Cards.
Wanna play some cards?

Okay.
What game, though?

Any game you want.
I mean, I know poker the best.

Do you know poker?
No.

- Well, want to learn it?
- Okay.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

All right, I'll learn poker.
You should know.

Yeah, that's good.
Every kid should know poker.

All right, good.
I'll teach you...

Texas hold'em.
Okay.

Don't tell your mom.

Tell your mom we did a puzzle,
all right?

Okay.

All right,
so this is Texas hold'em.

We're gonna give you some chips.

This is gonna be your money.

Like, I'm gonna give you
ten of these.

Each one's a dollar,
and I'll take ten,

and when you run out,
you owe me $10.

- No, I'm not...
- Yeah.

I'm not gonna let you win,
though.

No, you took my privileges.

You can't take my money too.

Well, it's my money, anyway,
really, right?

So we'll just do it that way.
Okay.

- Okay, we get two cards each.
- Okay.

These aren't good, though.
Wait, can I get more?

No, you don't do that.
See, you don't do that in poker.

You just keep a straight face.

You don't...
you don't show any emotion.

Okay.

So then you're really good
at it then.

[Chuckles] That's funny.

That's a joke, right?
[Laughs] Yes.

♪ Catch me ♪

♪ I don't even know... ♪
[Knock at door]

- Hey.
- Hey.

- So I get back from work
about 4:00.

Maybe we can take the kids
for some ice cream later?

- Yeah.
- Good.

Honey, I hate
that you're doing this.

I don't.

I'm doing what we have to do
for the family.

Yeah, but...

I hate that you have to do this.

It's not like you wanted
to do this.

I feel like such a failure.

Why, baby?

Because...

I... you know.

We took all this risk
at the luncheonette,

and we stupidly followed
this dream,

and I should have been
playing it way more safe.

I should have sold
the luncheonette

when I had the chance

and just worked in taking care
of everybody, and...

I'm sorry, I just really regret
that I...

My appetite was that big.

Well, you shouldn't,

because it's not a stupid dream,

and I can do some providing too,
you know?

It's okay.
You know-clearly.

Yeah.

But, you know,
you have dreams too.

You want to open a dance studio.

You don't want to file documents
all day.

No, and I'm not, forever.

We'll all get our time to shine,
baby.

It's okay.

I love you.

I love you.

And I believe in you.

Give me some sugar.

♪ My love floats
like a feather in the wind ♪

♪ catch me if you can ♪

♪ catch me ♪