Parenthood (2010–2015): Season 4, Episode 12 - Keep on Rowing - full transcript

Jasmine and Crosby contemplate the future of their family as they welcome a new roommate. Kristina and Adam go on a much needed date night after she makes a drastic change to her appearance. Ray Romano ('Men of a Certain Age') and Tina Lifford guest star.

You're pretty, you're nice
and I like to talk to you.

[Giggling]

Hi.

I really love you,
but I can't do this anymore.

I'm happy I met you.
I am.

She starts chemotherapy
tomorrow.

You should see these women
after they've been to chemo.

They look like ghosts.

The thought of Kristina
having to go through that

is scary.

[People chattering, yelling]



[Rapper's delight playing]

Yeah!



Work it out!
Work it out!

Work it out!

[Laughter]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Cheers and applause]

[Yelling]

[Hysterical laughter]

He's like, oh, handkerchief.

I mean, I don't know
what I'm doing.

It's--there's something
about him

that's kind of compelling.
But...



- Who?
- What am I doing?

My boss.

Mark is so cute,
but he's like a puppy.

He's still forming.
He's not a puppy!

- He's so cute!
- Why do you say that?

Hank is a man.

Man!
Hank's a man!

I mean, but he also has
like a past and an ex

and all that heavy--
As do you.

I know, but it was fun
to be with somebody

who did not have
all that stuff, you know.

But it's kinda nice to have
someone who is experienced.

Have you talked to him?

Have you said--
Hank?

No, we go to work together,
and then we end up in bed.

It's like a not-normal
thing.

Who has a bigger schlong?

[Laughter]

- That's all we care about.
- That's right!

I need to say this.

You have to say to him,
"look, Hank.

I'm already so--
afraid of you.

What?
Yeah?

- "Take me out and..."
- "Like a lady."

- Buy me dinner like a lady.
All: Yeah!

- You deserve a man--
- Exactly.

But he's already paying
my salary.

So you know where you're at
with that.

So I guess he feels like
I'm taken care of already.

- He needs to respect you.
- I know, you're right.

Yeah! For sure.
Beautiful queen that you are.

- Oh.
- That's the thing.

It's like does he respect me?
Or--

- that is something.

You know what?

It's about time you started
getting rid of some of that.

Well, you were being rowdy
and you were dancing.

So you know, it's just like--

- too much hair on that head.
- Yeah.

Do you wanna go?

Should we go now?
Yeah.

I think maybe we should go.
'Cause--

I'm good.

[Buzzing]

[Ethereal singing]



♪ may God bless
and keep you always ♪

♪ and may your wishes
all come true ♪

♪ may you always do
for others ♪

♪ and let others do for you

♪ may you build a ladder
to the stars ♪

♪ and climb on every rung

♪ and may you stay

♪ forever young

♪ may you grow up
to be righteous ♪

♪ may you grow up to be true ♪

♪ may you always know
the truth ♪

♪ and see the lights
surrounding you ♪

♪ may you always be
courageous ♪

♪ stand upright and be strong ♪

♪ and may you stay

♪ forever young

♪ may you stay

♪ forever young

Adam!

Honey, wake up.

[Sighs]

- Adam!
- What?

What the hell?
[Objects clattering]

I did it.

[Laughs] I did it.

Whoa.

Uh What do you think?

Wow.

For a second, I thought that...

Never mind.
You thought that what?

You look great.
What?

No, Kristina,
it's just I was startled.

- Shut up!
- I was aslee--

honey, you look beautiful.
You look fine.

- Shut up!
- Honey!

Hey.

What do you got, the goldberg?
Mmhmm, yeah.

The bar mitzvah?

This is the long lens stuff.
Mm. Yes.

Thought it came out real good.

Mmhmm.

Couple of little
funny-looking kids.

Mmhmm.

- [Laughs]
- [Laughing]

You should, you know,
ask me out sometime.

You know.

Whatlike what, on a date?

'Cause otherwise,
you know, we're here...

- Right.
- And sometimes we're there.

- Right.
- And you know, it's--

I'm looking at the goldberg.
I mean, it's just weird.

Uh, this is a little weird.

No, thisisweird!

- Yeah.
- 'Cause--'cause this is weird.

But okay.
So we'll go on a date.

So I should--like should I
ask you out on a date?

Is that how--
Do I have to do everything?

All right, all right.
All right, go back.

- Okay.
- Do your thing.

♪ Doo doo-doo doo-doo

hey, uh, Sarah.

Yeah?

Howyou wanna go out like
to a restaurant or something?

Oyes, okay.

Okay.
Thursday maybe?

Thursday?

- Uh, whenever you wanna go.
- Are you busy--

you got a lot going on
for sat--

Thursday's fine.
Okay.

All right.

Is that it?

- You have to make a plan.
- Yeah, okay.

Oh, where are we gonna go?
Where are we gonna go?

We're gonna go
to the place that you

have in your head already.

Okay.
[Laughs]

So...7:00-ish?

You have to make
some decisions.

- Yeah, let's go 7:00.
- Okay.

I'll wear a dress.

I'll buy something.

- I'll buy something new.
- Hmm.

This'll be fun.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Thank you.

Mm.

Mm.

Good pancakes.

Glad you like 'em.

What?

[Sighs]

My mom lost her job.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- When?
- Just before the holidays.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

- Is she okay?
- I think so.

But, uh, she needs
to borrow money.

Mmhmm.

How much?

Like 5...

Thousand.

5,000?
Yeah.

Jasmine, 5,000?

I know, I know it's a lot.

She drive a Bentley
that I don't know about?

What did you tell her?
5,000 bucks?

I told her
I have to talk to you.

Just... Think about it, okay?

Just take a day
and think about it.

Please?
Okay.

I'll think about it.
Okay.

These were butter-me-up
pancakes, weren't they?

Maybe a little.

We got our math tests back.

Okay.
Well, you studied really hard.

I'm proud of you for that.

Maybe we can just shoot for
doing a little better next time.

You know?
We can do better than that?

93?

You got 93%?

Oh, my God!

93?
Isn't that like an "a"?

Yes, that is absolutely
like an "a".

Never really gotten
an "a" before.

- Oh! That's incredible.
- Can we show it to my mom?

- You just did.
- Not her, my real mom.

I wanna show her
how good I'm doing.

Howwellyou're doing.

Can we please?

Um, we can talk about it.

Okay.

I guess I thought,
worst-case scenario,

maybe she's gonna need $800.

- Yeah.
- Or $1,000.

$5,000!

That's what it's gonna take
to get her out of this hole.

I mean, we have the money
technically, but--

well, if you have the money
then what's the big deal?

Well, I just--
I don't wanna set a precedent

where I give her $5,000
this month,

and then next month she needs
another 4,000 or 5,000.

I don't know.
Yeah.

Well, all right, listen to me.

First of all, you gotta stop
thinking about this

like it's a loan.

Okay?
Yeah.

This is a gift.

Oh, I'm--
now we've moved already

to "I'm giving it to her."

- Yeah.
- It's a gift?

With your friends, it's a loan.

But with family, it's a gift.

I learned that the hard way.

- From...
- Loaning you money.

- Oh, really?
- Mm-hmm.

Turned out to be a gift.

Well, no, I'm not dead yet.
You might get that money back.

I don't wanna give her
a $5,000 gift.

All right, look.

Crosby, listen to me,
seriously.

All right?
This is family.

When you married Jasmine,
you married her family.

Now her problems
are your problems

whether you like it or not.

And obviously Renee
really needs this money

or she wouldn't ask.

And obviously Jasmine
really wants to give it to her.

So do not rock the boat.

This is family, you know?

It's the right thing to do.

Ground beef.
There you go.

Have a good day.

Next!
Hey, Carlos.

Um, hmm.

Let's see...

Kristina,
what can I get you today?

Um, let me try
five Italian Turkey sausage,

and also let's do
2 pounds of lean ground beef.

Um, 2 pounds
of lean ground beef.

5-pounds Italian sausage.

Sure.

All right.

Here you go.

[Knocking on door]

Hey.

- Hey.
- Mind if I come in?

- Yeah.
- You doing okay?

- [Deep sigh]
- Huh?

- I'm all right.
- You sure?

I just had sort of
a crummy day.

Everywhere that I went today,

everybody looked at me like
I was some sort of a freak show.

You know Carlos, our butcher?
Yep.

He looked at me
like I had leprosy,

like he was gonna catch it.

I just had to get out of there.
It's just startling.

People just need a little bit
of time to get used to it.

Startling for who?
For--okay, don't do that.

Don't do that.
Don't do what?

I don't really care about

other people's feelings
right now, I don't.

All right.

What about--what about Max?

Max loves it.

He says I look like bane
from the Batman movie.

- Listen, honey.
- Adam, I just--

this is a part of the process.

This is a tough part
of the process.

We knew it was gonna be
like this.

- Is it?
- Yeah.

It's part of the process?

Your hair is still in there.
It's gonna grow back.

- You don't understand, okay?
- Then help me understand.

I thought this whole thing
would be so, you know,

transforming and liberating,

and I would feel
this sense of freedom.

And going out the other night
like I was a normal human being

and hanging out
with your sisters

and just--
just like we used to, you know?

Okay.

It's okay to let loose
a little bit, all right?

Okay, I get it.
Thanks.

Listen, try not to be hard
on yourself.

I'm not, okay?
You don't need to lecture me.

I'm not trying to lecture you.
I just don't want--

I just don't want you to--
Kristina, I'm on your side.

I know you're on my side, okay?

I don't know what to do.
Please don't be mad at me.

Honey, I'm not mad at you.
I'm just going to the bathroom.

All right.

So, we wanna to talk
to you about your math test,

and how proud
we are of you and excited,

and of course we understand

that you wanna
tell your mom about it.

But we have to, um,
clear something up.

Um, this is--this might be
tough to understand,

so just--we'll keep talking

until we get it
all worked out, okay?

- Okay.
- All right.

Okay, so here's the thing.

Um...

Victor, you can't...
Talk to your mom.

Why not?

Well, because...

You know, in the past,

you've stayed with families
for a little while,

and then you've gone back
to your mom.

Foster care.

- Right.
- Right.

This is something different

where now we've adopted you,
and...

You know, we're your parents,
and I'm your mom.

But you're not my mom.

Okay, buddy,
I know this is difficult.

Um...

But this is the way it is.

We're not the ones
making this decision, okay?

This is, um...

The court decided this
because of her substance abuse.

I know I can't live with her,

but why can't I just
be friends with her?

I know this doesn't seem fair.

It's not fair!

And you know it.

- High society?
- No.

- Allure.
- No.

- Chicago!
- No.

- Temptation.
- Where's that one?

- Up in the corner.
- No.

You know what?
I got it.

I know what it is.
What?

I'm feeling it.
It's colonial man.

Huh?
Sarah.

Come on, colonial man!

Yes! Yeah!

It's awesome.
All right.

Put that back.
Oh, my God.

I think we should just
bring her here.

It's too hard to do
without her.

She's embarrassed
to leave the house.

I just wanna do something nice
for her, you know,

and I feel like maybe

we shouldn't be trying
to be creative.

We should just find something
that looks like her

and help her feel normal again.

So Yeah.

Maybe we should just look
for something

that looks like her hair.

Yeah.
Well, I think we're--

Troll, really?

I think we're
in the wrong aisle in that case.

- Thank you for taking that off.
- Let's go over in the next one.

I'm buying it.
Don't get me wrong.

Don't embarrass me.

Okay, here,
we've got some blondes.

How about Barbie?
That's cute.

Little bit sassy.
Well, she's not...

You're trying to make her
look like a hooker.

It's like Jane Fonda.

Hey, right here!
Look at this!

This is perfect.
Look at that!

- Uh--
- That's it.

That looks just like her hair,
doesn't it?

- Does it?
- Yeah. Doesn't it?

Can I be excused?

Finish your broccoli first.

I don't like it.
It's gross.

Okay, um,
just clear your plate then.

He didn't put it
in the dishwasher.

I know, Syd.

And he's supposed to put
his placemat away.

Yeah, it's fine.

He has a lot
of homework tonight.

Well, why did he
turn on the TV?

Syd, don't worry about it.

Do I have to finish
my broccoli?

- Sydney, you like broccoli.
- I don't feel like broccoli.

Will you shut up
and eat it, please?

You're not supposed to say
"shut up."

Hey.

[Door closes]

- Hello!
- Hey.

Hey.
I'm so sorry I missed dinner.

It's okay.

That session
just went crazy long.

Where's the boy?

- Doing homework.
- Oh, okay.

Um...

Listen, I've been thinking
about your mom, and, um...

I basically decided that
I think we should help her.

I mean, when I married you,
I married your whole family.

I think we should give her
the money.

[Sighs]

Thank you so much
for saying that.

Yeah.

It's the right thing to do.

But it's a lot worse
than I thought.

I sat down with her today,

went over her finances,
and it's a mess.

Between rent, utilities,
and credit card bills,

5,000 won't even make a dent.

Okay, so what are we
supposed to do?

Option one is
to give her the money.

But that won't last,

and we'll be back in the same
situation a month from now.

Okay, and then option two
is what?

She can come stay with us.

- In this house?
- Yes, in this house.

Youthat's option two
is your mom lives in this house?

Yeah, well,
we have a spare bedroom.

That's not a spare bedroom.

That's my space
where I do things, okay?

They're creative.
It's not a spare bedroom.

Honey, I think you can live
without your man-cave

for a month or two.

For a month or two?

How long you think
she's gonna live here?

I'm just saying.

It'll only be temporary
until she gets back on her feet.

Okay, listen to me.

I love your mom.
I do.

She's a beautiful woman.

But we cannot have her
living her.

She's gonna take control
of everything.

We're gonna have prayer circles
and crucifixes and all the--

She'll be out looking
for a job.

Why doesn't she move in
with sekou?

- Because he doesn't have room.
- How could he not have room?

He's one person, we're three!

Look, it's not gonna be
that bad.

I think it'd be great.
She can help with jabbar.

Grandma's moving in with us?

Awesome!

[Humming]

Kristina?

Got you a little something
today.

Hey.
I didn't know you'd...

Just a little something
to hold you over.

- Be home early.
- Here you go.

No big deal.

- Thanks.
- Yeah, you bet.

What do you think?
[Scoffs]

- You don't like it?
- It's--

it's a wig.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

I saw you looking for them
on the Internet,

so I thought
I'd save you the trouble

and pick one up for you.
Wait a second.

Is this what you think
my hair looks like?

Are you kidding?
This is a joke.

- No, I--
- Honey.

Honey, this is like pathetic.

It's like a hooker wig.
I mean, really.

It's bad.
It's really bad.

I don't know how--
how much did you spend on that?

$250.

Ugh. You better
get your money back.

That's for sure.
You know what?

I made a mistake.

It doesn't make
any sense to me.

Why would you buy me a wig?

If you think that I look
this disgusting,

obviously you wanna
cover me up.

So this is more for you
than it is for me.

- That's not what this is.
- No, it actually is.

I think you look beautiful.

I thought this was something
that you wanted.

Please admit to me that
you hate that I look sick.

I don't hate the way you look.

Honey, when I woke you up
the other night in bed,

you freaked out.
I think you look beautiful.

- You freaked out!
- I was asleep.

- You're lying to me.
- Kristina, I am not lying.

- Stop saying that.
- I got this for you.

- Stop it!
- Okay! All right!

I have a port-a-cath
in my chest.

I have bruises
all over my body and scars.

My head is bald.

I know you do
and you're beautiful to me.

- Stop it!
- Hey!

- Stop it!
- Honey, I'm not the enemy here.

- Just take it back!
- I got this for you.

Just like--

you got it for me or for you?

You know what,
I'll take it back.

Take it back.
I don't want it.

I will take it back.

And you should tell me
when you're coming home early.

[Sniffling]

I'm sorry, honey.

[Crying]

- Yeah? Yo.
- Amber.

- Yes, I'm here.
- Make sure these go out

with those packages, okay?
Okay, all right.

I gotta go to the bank,
then I gotta get back for the--

my 2:00 is cancelled.
When did that happen?

I don't know.
I mean, things get canceled.

I was supposed to meet

with the manager
of the prairie blasters.

Well, listen, I mean...

Are you upset that you have
a free day now?

No, I just don't understand
how all of a sudden

I don't have anything to do
for the rest of the day.

- Well--
- Hey.

What are you doing?
You don't even-

you know what?

You don't even wanna talk
to me right now.

What? You can't--
what are doing?

What, are you having
a garage sale?

- Cool!
- Damn it!

I'm not having a garage sale.
How much is-

I had to move everything
out of my art room

because Renee's moving in,
and that is your fault.

Wait, wait, wait.
How is this my fault?

I'll tell you exactly.

You advised me
to take a weak position,

so I went in there and I said,
"your family's my family.

Here's $5,000."

And she sensed the weakness
and then she attacked.

And now I have ren--
what are you--

I lost the room
I do my stuff in.

- I'm sorry.
- [Laughing]

You think that's funny too?

- You can do it in my apartment.
- Do what?

Who's the creative engine
of this place, you?

Are you the creative engine?

Are you?
Clearly not.

You might one day be,
but you're not yet.

Help me.
You can't leave this here.

I can't help you.
My whole afternoon is booked.

- Hey.
- Hi, honey.

What are you having?
Orange juice.

What's this?

Oh, um, nothing.

I was messaging Mr. Cyr
about the colleges.

No, it's okay.
I mean, I know what it is.

It's just shocking to see.
Wait a minute.

That's new year's Eve.
Mom, don't look at it.

Well, I can't not
look at it now,

'cause it's new year's Eve.
I know, but it's literally-

it's like the teachers
had a new year's Eve thing.

Who is that?
Who is that?

The art teacher.
Mrs. ocker.

She's kissing him on the cheek.

Because everybody kisses
on the cheek

on new year's Eve.

It's a like a life rule

that you don't look at Facebook
at these times.

I know, I know.

I saw Amy, you know,

holding her niece
with like some guy one time.

It's the worst.

Is he dating her?
Just tell me.

[Laughing]
No, he's not dating her.

- Okay, that's all.
- It's new year's.

Okay.

[Exhales]

Uncle Adam, you're not
gonna believe this!

- One second.
- You're not gonna believe this!

- What? What?
- Kristina's downstairs.

She called the fire department.
Are you serious?

There's a fire truck
down there.

There's an ambulance.

She said she's calling the cops.
I got it, I got it.

All right, all right,
all right, come on.

Hi.

Kristina, what are you doing?

I am so incredibly sorry, Adam.

I have been treating you
so horribly,

and I know that you were
just trying with the wig.

And even though
it was an awful wig,

I just love the fact
that you tried.

So I'd like
to make it up to you.

Okay?

Um, tonight, I have
a great night planned.

I rented this awesome limo,

and I got us a room
at the sterling hotel

which is really, really fancy.

And I'd like to spend the night
with you as husband and wife,

not husband and patient.

If you'll have me,

I would like to go out on
a date with you.

I would love
to go out with you.

Yes.

[Laughing, clapping]

Thank you.

I'm sorry.
Come here.

- Love you.
- I love you.

We're gonna have
such a good time.

- I can't believe you did this.
- I did it.

I love it.
You look great.

- You like my wig?
- I love it.

It's kind of crazy.

Yeah, it's gonna feel like
being with, uh, you know--

- with your wife.
- Yeah, with my wife.

With your wife.

Exactly.

There she is, my accomplice.
Whoo!

How about an aperitif?
The accomplice.

For the drive.
Yes.

Yeah, and the acting award
goes to...

Very, very crafty, you two.

Yes, uh-huh.
She did so much.

You look amazing.
You guys have so much fun!

I can't believe this.

I'm gonna get some video,
guys, I'm gonna get some video.

Okay?
All right.

- All right.
- Big smiles.

Here we go.

All: Whoo!

Hey, tell your brother
dinner's almost ready, okay?

Okay.

Thank you.

- Dinner's almost ready.
- So?

- Can I try?
- No, just leave me alone.

- Who's your real mom?
- What?

Well, you said you wanted to
show your test to your real mom.

Who is she?

What's it to you?
Just be quiet.

- Did she do something bad?
- No.

Well, at the schoolyard,
they say she's in jail.

She's not in jail, stupid!

Well, if she's not in jail,
why doesn't she come see you?

Just... Shut up!

Your mom must not love you.

Your mom doesn't love you
'cause you're a bad kid.

Would you just leave me alone?

[Screaming]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Are you guys okay?

Don't move!
Slipped out of my hand.

Are you out of your mind?

- It was an accident.
- Get in the house!

I slit slipped out of my hands.

Get into your room, please,
right now.

[Crying]

God.

Aw, she'll really
appreciate that.

The noise and the breeze
help her to sleep.

That's great, honey.

I really want her to think
she's on a cruise ship

while she's here
so she doesn't leave.

Crosby, I know you're
not happy about the situation,

but you really don't have
to take it out on me.

Who should I take it out on?
Jabbar?

You made the decision.

- What--
- You railroaded me.

- No, I didn't.
- You didn't?

No!

I don't remember
inviting her to move in.

I think that was you. You went
straight to the nuclear option.

We could've gotten her
a cheap place to live.

She's my mother.

She's not some problem
you throw money at.

You know what?
This is my house.

I wanna be able
to come home from work

and walk around in my underwear

without bumping into her in
the hallway and feeling awkward.

This is my space, okay?
She's invading it.

First of all,
this isourplace, okay?

Second of all, quit acting
like she's some kind of monster.

She's my mother!

She loves you,
she loves jabbar,

and she needs our help.

So get over yourself.

[Scoffs] Great.

Is that my fault too?

This is a good place.

This is--you can tell
it's fancy,

'cause I think the maitre d'
is Gerard depardieu.

And the salad's...$17.

That's what I'm talking about.

If I'm gonna wear a tie,

I wanna pay double digits
for a salad.

It all looks pretty good though.
What are you gonna get?

Trout. Trout.
I think I'll just get the trout.

Fish. You're gonna get fish...
At a steak place.

Really?

That's like going to the zoo
to see the pigeons.

What's going on?
Hmm?

What's up?

I'm sorry, I have something
on my mind and I feel bad.

Well, what?

I was on Facebook today,

and I saw a picture of mark
with a girl,

and it just really, uh,
was shocking.

And I, you know,
it could be something.

It could be nothing.
It's none of my business.

But it hurt my feelings,
and it's on my mind.

I'm sorry.
[Exhales]

Let's start again.

- You're on Facebook?
- [Laughing]

Well...

Look, what?

You were thinking
of your ex-boyfriend.

Fiance.

Yeah, whatever.

It's--people get jealous.

I'm divorced ten years.

Whenever I go pick up
my daughter and...

There's another guy with my ex,

I don't like it.

- Really?
- No.

It's human nature.

Thanks.

- We should go.
- What?

No, not--don't let me--
No, not that.

It's just this place.
I don't like the lighting.

I don't like the smell.
It's like a mausoleum in here.

I thought it would be more fun.

Look, what's that guy
got on his...

He's sending wine back.
Really.

Both: We don't belong here.

- I feel bad though.
- No, we're leaving.

Okay.

You know what?
We're taking this.

- No.
- Put it in your hair.

Okay.
Thanks.

[Rock music]



Hey, hey!

Are you here
for the napte thing?

Aren't you so glad
it's not in Tulsa this year?

Ugh! That was a snooze fest.

Got stuck with this trio
of chardies.

I'm so glad it's in frisco.
I mean, what an amazing city.

The food, the people,
the wharf,

Alcatraz, presidio park.
All of it.

It's like come on.
I'm Luke, by the way.

Nice to meet you.
I'm Jennifer.

What do you do, Jennifer?

Uh, actually,
I am in management.

I have a small company, um,
you know, three employees.

Doggie that runs in the office.

What? How old are you?
That's awesome.

20 I just turned 27.

No way.
I just turned 27.

- Stop!
- Yeah!

I love your hair by the way.
Really?

Yeah, I love it.
It's gorgeous.

- I just got it colored.
- It's an amazing color on you.

Wow.
That's really nice to hear.

- I-I have this thing.
- Yeah.

When I first meet someone,
I like to pick out

the one thing I love about them,
then I compliment them on it.

- Oh, my God, so smart.
- It's a sales thing.

- That is such a great--
- Yeah.

- You're in sales.
- I'm in sales, exactly.

Get outta town.
I would've never guessed that.

I'm almost the top dog
in my sales group.

If I win--me and this other guy
are neck and neck--

I get to go on a trip
next month.

- Where?
- Scottsdale, Arizona.

- One of the best places ever.
- I know!

It's like the Beverly hills
of Arizona.

It'sit is the Beverly hills
of Arizona.

- That's what I've heard.
- Excuse me.

No, we're good.
Thank you.

So this hotel--

the amenities at this place
are amazing.

- Really?
- All kiehl's products,

which is great...
So that'll be--

- Luke...
- Oh.

This is, um...

Mm.
My husband Adam.

I aml'm embar--
ah!

- It's okay.
- There it is. There's the--

- married.
- So sorry.

I didn't, um--
Oh, honey, I think I-

- I think you should probably
kick his ass.

- Think I should kick his ass?
- No!

Luke.
Luke, we're kidding.

I just--I just wanna tell you
you just made my day, okay?

I'm really a housewife
with three children.

- Three kids!
- Yeah.

You put three in there?

Congrats to you.

I'm 34, not 27.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

- Well, you look amazing.
- Thank you.

You both look amazing.
Do you use the kiehl's products?

'Cause I've heard
that kiehl's products--

- you know what I'm gonna--
I'm gonna do you a favor, okay?

Laura!
Great smile too. It's crazy.

You guys need something else?

I'd like you to meet
my friend Luke.

- Hi, Luke.
- This is Laura.

- Hey, Laura!
- Nice to meet you!

How you doing?

Tell her about your--
your promotion or your--

what are you gonna do?
- Oh, my gosh.

If I win this trip...
Oh, yeah.

Trip to scottsdale. Az.

Shut up!
I'm from Arizona.

- You're a zonie.
- I am.

- Shut up.
- Just outside of tempe.

- Shut up.
- How wild is that?

- You--prove it!
- Driver's license.

Wanna see it?

I'll show you
my driver's license.

But you have to not make fun
of my picture.

Okay, all right.
Let's see it.

Oh, my God!

Wow, honey.

- I still got it.
- Yeah, you do.

I got it.
That made me feel so happy.

I'm gonna get you out
on the dance floor

before somebody else gets it,
come on.

- All right, come on.
- Let's do it!

All right, that's done.

Hopefully, he'll go to sleep
at some point.

Did he say anything?

Oh, just that he's sorry
and he thinks you hate him.

He could've seriously
injured Sydney.

Honey, it was an accident.

It was a metal bat.

Yes.
It was a metal bat.

What was he thinking?

Believe me,
he knows he did something wrong,

and he knows how pissed off
you are at him.

You're saying
I'm overreacting to this?

I think that once
this all calms down,

I think he just needs
to know from you

that it's the behavior
you're upset with and not him.

What does that even mean?

No, they're not
separate things.

You judge people
by their actions.

Okay, well, his action
was an accident.

And so he's going to learn
from that accident.

I think we have
a much bigger problem

than you're admitting here.

And what's that?

That our child--

one of our children
was seriously endangered

by our other child,

and I don't know
what to do about that.

I don't know
if we can live like that.

Okay, ready?
And go!

- Does the--
- Okay, you take it.

Yougo!
Does speed matter?

Yes, yes! That's what's
exciting about the game, go!

Ah! It's mine!
Okay, go!

We need
to make something exciting,

because--
[Laughing]

It's the highest card wins.
[Grunts]

There's no strategy
to this game.

Whoever invented this game--

- what do you mean
there's no strategy?

It's--you--

- the person who invented
the game,

he had a short day that day.
[Laughing]

He just came in and said,

"all right,
we need another game."

- Seven beats six!
- I don't even...

It's a classic!
It's a classic.

Let's just drink some more.
How about that?

Oh, man!

A little more.

What do you got going on here?
Can I see this for a second?

Let me see.
Why? What do you mean?

Oh, this is not good.

This is gonna be--
this is gonna end up horrible.

Why? I just wanna see
what we're dealing with.

I can't--
I don't see anything now.

Is this your glass?
Oh, wow. Wow!

You know what?
I can't see.

I can hear you.
That's all.

That's one thing.
I will never lose you.

'Cause...

What do you mean
you'll never lose me?

Well, because I could always
follow the sound.

Hmm.

Like I don't like listening
to people.

I also don't like
looking at people

hmm.

I don't know
if you've noticed that.

I have.

Eye contact is not
one of my favorite things.

Yet with you...

I find it hard
not to look in your eyes.

What are you doing Saturday?

[Rock music]



[Talking under breath]

♪ Baby, I don't know

you want
some of this body tonic?

- Okay.
- Yeah, it says it, uh...

Cleanses and energizes.

- That's good.
- And I'm feeling energized.

- All right!
- All right.

You ready for this?
Yeah.

Think you can locate
the Johnson file?

Honey, you look so awesome.
Wow.

- You wanted this job.
- I like it.

- Are you okay?
- Sexy. Yeah.

I'm ready to go to funkytown.

Honey, you don't look good.

What is it?
[Sighs]

- What?
- Babe, I'm so tired.

Okay, all right.
It's all right.

- I'm so sorry. No, I suck.
- Let's just get you to bed.

- I suck so bad.
- It's all right.

- I just--
- It's okay.

I hit a wall.
I really did.

I was ready to go
like six minutes ago,

and then I just hit a wall.

- You feel sick?
- No, I don't feel sick.

I just--
All right.

- I'm just so tired.
- Okay.

Here's what we're gonna do.
What?

- Get you some water.
- No, no, no, no, no.

Don't do this.
It's like $12 a bottle.

Don't worry about it.

Here you go.
You're awesome.

Before you go to bed,
have some water.

Honey, you're so awesome.

I'm sorry.
I'm such a tease.

I'm sorry, babe.
It's okay.

Don't worry about it.
You got all oiled up and...

Don't worry about it.

You have on
your merv Griffin jacket.

It's fine.
I promise, okay?

[Phone chimes]

Honey, can you get that,
please?

- Just ignore it.
- No, please.

- Ignore it.
- I'll sleep better.

Just relax, okay?
I'll get it.

Just you relax.
I know, I'm relaxed.

I'm relaxed.
I'm relaxed.

Who was it?

It's from Amber.

Aw.
[Amber laughter]

- Really good.
- Bye.

- Bye.
- All right, you kids.

[Both laughing]

You guys have fun!

- That's really sweet.
- Not too much fun.

You're something else,
you know that?

That wig is hideous.
I gotta get rid of this wig.

What was I thinking?
I like it.

- It's awful!
- You're beautiful.

You're nice.

- Whoo!
- Whoo!

- Ow!
- Start it!

Play it again.

- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?

I woke up, and you were gone.
Going? Leaving?

I thought--I thought
you were feeling weird,

and you wanted me to go.

- No weirder than ever, really.
- Oh.

Figured you're like a ten-hour
a night person.

Well, I figured you were like

having some, you know,
"you" time somewhere.

No, I was going to Louisa's.
Louisa's--

they have these croissants.
You gotta get there at 7:00.

And you gotta taste these.

These are unbelievable.
Okay.

- You're staying, right?
- Yeah, I'm staying.

All right, so here.
Try this.

Oh, don't touch it yet.

Some people like to, uh--
you can have the coffee--

put jelly on it.

And those people,

they should be slapped
and arrested.

'Cause the way to do it
is a little melted butter.

I swear to God.
[Laughing]

'Cause this is just warm
enough to kinda melt it.

So you got up, uh, early and...

Got some treats.

You were gonna surprise me
in bed, weren't you?

I don't think
that's any of your business

what I was gonna do.

I see.

Just taste it.

Right?
Mm!

Mm! So warm!
Yeah.

All right, now get out.

Come on, Victor, buddy.
We gotta go.

We're gonna be late.
I'm still getting ready.

You're getting--
well, let me help you.

Here, let me--

Victor, why is the door locked?
- I want Joel to take me.

Okay, well, Joel has gone to
work early this morning already.

So...

I gotta take you.
But it's time to go, okay?

Victor, can you open the door,
please?

Hey, listen, I know you're
upset about yesterday.

But it's time to go to school,
all right?

So...

Can you talk to me?

Victor?

Victor?

- For real?
- What?

You're gonna eat this?

Yeah!
It's squishy.

All right, I'll believe it
when I see it.

Last time you took
a tangerine to school,

it came back--
We're home!

Grandma!

There he is!

- Okay.
- Can you take me to school?

Slow down, sweetie.
She just got here.

Hey.
Hey.

Uh, you need help
with the bags?

No, no, no.
We got it.

Um, jabbar,
get your grandma's bag.

- Okay.
- Thank you.

- This is heavy.
- Good morning.

Welcome.

I'm sorry about this, Crosby.

[Sighs] Sorry about what?

Come on.
I know that I'm putting you out.

And I hate it.

But it won't be for long.
I promise.

At any rate,
the point is thank you.

I appreciate it.
You're a good man.

I'm sporadically a good man,
but, um--

thank you and, um, you know,
you don't need to be sorry.

We're--we're very happy
to have you.

Um, especially jabbar.
He's through the roof.

So mi casa, su casa.

Welcome, and I'm happy
you're here too.

- Thank you.
- You stay as long as you want.

- Well, we won't go that far.
- Okay.

Let me show you
what we did with the old lair.

Lots of changes.
Oh, my!

Look at this!

Put in a new ceiling fan
for you.

I heard that you like it
windy and noisy.

[Gentle pop music]