Parenthood (2010–2015): Season 3, Episode 12 - Road Trip - full transcript

Hey honey, did you find the diaper
bag yet?

I didn't find it, I packed it this morning.

- Listen, honey we're not going
to get very far

- on this roadtrip without a diaper
bag, so let's find it. -I agree

can you please
turn that down for mom?

It's so loud.
Did he pack his bag?

- Max, volume. Uh, I don't know.
Max, did you pack your bag?

- I hate the week
after the holidays.

There's so much chaos.
There's no structure.

There's candy everywhere.
There's toys around...

Max, please!
Please, I'm begging you.



- Honey, did you look
in the kitchen?

- It's not in the kitchen,
okay?

Why would I put it
in the kitchen?

So what? There's no...
- Oh, God!

- Ow!
- Sorry, ooh!

- Adam, you know what?
- Honey, listen.

You seem a little overwhelmed.
Can you just take a breath?

All right, I'm sorry.
Sorry.

- I am a little bit
overwhelmed.

Why would your dad plan this
trip to go see your grandmother?

He doesn't even like his mother.
- It's her birthday.

Hey,
that's a little harsh, okay?

Everybody loves their mother.
I'm gonna look in the kitchen.

- He doesn't like his mother.



Max!

- ♪ Some will learn
to shout it ♪

♪ some won't

♪ but sooner or later, baby,
here's a ditty ♪

- Oh, my gosh!

That feels so good.

- Yes!

Oh, oh!
- See?

- Yes, yes, yes.
- All right, okay, okay.

- We're saying now
that I have 24 hours

to get this brief written?

No, no, no, no, I-I will do it.
I will do it.

I'm just going out of town,

so I'll have to do it
on the road.

Okay, thank you.
That's fine, bye.

- You sure
we're not underpacked?

Your dad called again.

- Yeah.
- He wants us on the road

at 0900 this morning,
on the dot.

- Sweetie, it's time to go.
Are you ready?

He freaks out about grandma.
I don't know what it is.

- But it's right there.
You can't just grab it?

- Max, honey, it's time
to wrap it up, let's go.

- There.
- I'm almost done.

- No, you're done now.
Max?

Max.

Max, we're leaving.
- I said, "I'm almost done."

Five more.

One more.
Wait.

No!
- We're done.

- Do you realize
what you just did?

- Don't yell at me.

- I've been working
on that level for days.

- Stop yelling.
- Days!

I just lost everything!

- Stop it.
It doesn't matter.

I've been telling you
for the past hour

to turn it off, and you've
not listened to me once.

- You're such a bitch!
- Do not th...

What did you just say to me?
- You're such a bitch!

- Okay, that is it!

You are being punished!
You're punished.

- Oh, yeah, right.
- You're...

- Like last Saturday, when you
said I wouldn't be able

to go to the movies,
and then you totally forgot...

- That is...
- And we ended up going anyway?

- I am... you...
You're not going on this trip.

- What?
- Get upstairs now!

You're not going on this trip.
That's it.

- This is so unfair!
- Don't throw stuff at me.

- I hate you!
- I'll say what's fair

and what's not fair.
I'm the mom.

It's fair.

- Come on, Camille.

Can we hurry it up a little?
We got a schedule here.

- You're pacing.

- I'm not pacing.

- Sweetie?

- Mm.

- Um, before we drag
your entire family on this trip,

are you sure that you want
to go through with this?

- Aw, come on.
It's my mom's 86th birthday.

Hell, yeah,
I want to go through...

- Yeah, I know, but we didn't go
to her 85th birthday...

Or her 84th birthday,

or her 77th birthday, or her...

- Well, I mean, come on.
I... she has a fall,

she hurts herself,
I don't know.

You know,
I just thought, you know...

- Yeah, I...
Yeah, I know.

- Look, I...
I'm going to go

check the tires on the truck,
all right?

- It'll be fine.

- I found the diaper bag...
Okay, he has to go.

- He's not going.
- You have to go.

Nora has to go.
We all have to go.

- I'm not going,
and Nora's definitely not going

unless, of course, you can
nurse, which I don't see...

- All right, listen to me.
I think this is extreme.

- Your son called me a bitch.

He called me a bitch tw...
Twice.

- I understand that,
and I'm sorry, okay?

- It's not cool.

- I'm sure he didn't mean it,

and I wanna come up
with a solution here.

- I don't care
if he meant it or not...

- Well, why, of all punishments,
did you choose this?

- Because it just came out
of my mouth, okay?

I need to follow
through on this.

- Well, can we think
creatively?

Come up with a different
punishment?

- Creatively what?

- Maybe just issue him
a warning?

This is so important to my dad.

- His happiness
is more important than me

following through
on a punishment?

- That's not what I'm saying.
- What about our family?

I need to stick to my guns
on this, okay?

I warn him all the time,
and it's meaningless.

- I get it.

Just my dad's gonna freak.

- I mean, look at it this way.

You're gonna have fun
with haddie, right?

Some bonding time?
- Yeah, be kinda nice.

- I'm really sorry, honey.

- Now, hold on.

- Boy, make sure you strap that
thing down good and tight now.

- Well, I want it tight.
I want it solid.

I don't want anybody
stealing it.

- I don't think we
actually have to worry

about this being stolen,
you know?

- Yeah, lovely as it is.

- Hey, Adam's here!
All right, all right.

Millie, yeah,
get the talkies and the maps.

Come on, everybody.
Let's go.

Joel, hey, hey, yeah.
- Hey.

- Drew.
- Good morning.

- Hey.
- Hey, you guys. Come on, g...

Where's the baby?
Where's Kristina?

- Uh, they couldn't make it,
dad, sorry.

- What, are they sick?

- It's the blue one...
- Let's go.

- No, uh, just...
Max got into it with Kristina.

And she felt like she needed
to give him a punishment,

and that's gonna be
not going on the trip.

- Well, maybe I should call...
- But she's gotta stay home

with the baby too, all right?

- Can I call?
- No.

- But, Adam, it's my mom's
86th birthday, you know?

- Dad, I know it is, I know.
- That's a little insane here.

All right?
- It's not insane, dad.

This is what we have to do
for Max sometimes.

- Maybe we should stop by
on the way out of here...

- We can't reach Max
about his behavior

unless there are
consequences, okay?

So it has to go down this way.

I've gotta be supportive of her,
all right?

Can you just respect that,
please?

- See, um, the walkies.
- Right, okay.

One of these per car.
Thank you, Camille.

- Okay.

- All right,
please don't lose these.

- Next car.
- It'd be hard to.

- I'm passenger... navigator.
- The route of travel

is highlighted in yellow.

There are menus
included in the packet,

'cause we're gonna be stopping
at Cindy's diner for lunch.

Exit 127. So everybody can fill
out their little order form.

We don't have to wait around

for that 'cause it takes forever
with the little ones, okay?

- Is this like a paper GPS?
- S... now, the walkie-talkies.

Let me explain something.
- Do they still work?

- L... they do, and listen up,
all right?

These are mission-specific use
only.

- Okay.
- They're not toys.

Don't fool around with them.

- Can we just use
the cell phones...

- No.
- That we all have?

- You can't use cell phones

while you're driving, Joel.

- Come on, Joel.
- Joel.

- Sorry, it's a stupid question,
guys.

- If everything goes
according to schedule,

we should be at the motel
in Bakersfield by 1900.

- I don't have my flak jacket.

We're going into a combat zone?
What's going on?

- Does anybody have to pee?

- No, sir. No, sir.
- No.

- Do you have to pee, jabbar?
- No, sir.

- Sydney, do you have to pee?
- No, do you?

- All right,
is everybody ready to go?

Let's all have a safe trip.

Hey, obey the speed limit.
Obey all traffic laws.

I don't want anybody busted.
- Obey the speed limit.

- Let's get on the road now.

- ♪ may God bless
and keep you always ♪

♪ and may your wishes
all come true ♪

♪ may you always do
for others ♪

♪ and let others do for you

♪ may you build a ladder
to the stars ♪

♪ and climb on every rung

♪ and may you stay

♪ forever young

♪ may you grow up
to be righteous ♪

♪ may you grow up to be true ♪

♪ may you always know
the truth ♪

♪ and see the lights
surrounding you ♪

♪ may you always be
courageous ♪

♪ stand upright and be strong ♪

♪ and may you stay

♪ forever young

♪ may you stay

♪ forever young

- ♪ we were born in silence ♪

♪ there's nothing

♪ and no one to blame ♪

♪ soon we learn to fight ♪

♪ or die trying

♪ so my father said

♪ yeah right

♪ 'Cause all I wanted
was a little love ♪

♪ and tenderness yeah ♪

- Where do you think
you want to study, haddie?

- Uh, what?
I don't know, dad.

- College.
- I don't know.

- You know what,
you're gonna have

the time of your life
in college, guaranteed.

Who are you texting?

- Caroline.
- Caroline?

She's a smart girl.

Does she know where she's going
to college yet?

- Uh...
Um, I don't know.

- ♪ Chicken bones,
ice cream cones ♪

♪ that's what makes
the world go round ♪

♪ lizard feet, trick or treat ♪

♪ that's what makes
the world go round ♪

♪ tippy toes

♪ that's what makes
the world go round ♪

♪ happy leg da da da ♪

♪ that's what makes
the world go round ♪

- Okay! Hey, hey.
Guys, guys, guys.

Guys, okay,
we're gonna take a little break.

Just a little break
from the music.

- Yeah.

- I have to write this brief.
Thank you.

- It doesn't look very brief.

I love legal jokes.

They're so good.
- I love legal jokes.

- You're so funny.

- Hi, Crosby.

That's all I could
think of to say.

- Hi, mission-specific
communications only.

Thank you so much.
- Red leader.

Uh, this is night wing.
Over and out.

- Night wing.
- That's good.

- Right? That's good, right?
- That sounds like

a mission title.
- Do you have one that you want?

I ch... I call night wing.
- What is yours?

Drew, what is your...
What is your handle?

- Just think of one, anything
random... celebrity or something.

What is it?

- I... I don't know, guys.
- All right, well...

- Hey, it's not that hard.
- Somebody is not

part of the mission at all.

- Just choose a celeb, ugh.
- Fine then.

You're gonna be
captain kangaroo.

- Captain kangaroo.
- You have no say.

- Nora, what should we do today,
huh?

We did all of our chores.

We could have a little girl day.

If you want, we can do our toes,
we can do a pedicure.

- This sucks!

This is totally unfair!

- Well, you shouldn't have said
what you said.

- You could've given me
a different punishment!

- You shouldn't have said
what you said, okay?

- You are so mean!

You are the meanest woman
in the world.

I cannot believe
how mean you are.

- Stop yelling at me.

- I wish you weren't my mother.

I'm never talking to you again.

- Good, let's start right now.

You're talking to me, right?

Hi, goo goo ga ga.

- Well, I just hope
that you don't let this

ruin the trip for you.

- Well, it just seemed
like such a mean thing to do.

I don't know.

- Well, you know, I've heard
you say any number of times

that, uh, they need
to set boundaries with Max.

- Yeah, but not on my time.

My gosh, all I wanted was
for the whole braverman clan

to be there and for my mom
to meet them and...

- Yeah, I know.
- Everybody to be together.

That's all.

- Yeah, I just don't want
to see you disappointed...Again.

I mean, every time
that you have anything at all

to do with your mother,
you wind up disappointed.

- Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Just...

- And I have to talk you down.

- Don't psychoanalyze me,
please.

All right?

- You know something
about grandma blanche?

- Uh...

- Terrible cook.

- Wow.
- Awful.

I mean, she'd make
this lasagna that...

I mean, this stuff
was God-awful,

and we would have
to eat that for days.

The leftovers.

And we would go, and we'd sneak
other food, you know?

Giant bowls of cereal.

- Oh, yeah?
The lasagna was bad?

- Just days and days.

Yeah, it was real bad.

- She did not like your dad

and not
for the obvious reasons...

Not 'cause she thought
he was high or anything.

He had these jeans
she didn't like.

They had holes in them, and she
thought that was disrespectful

to show up to her house.

- Oh, no.
- Yeah.

- She's not gonna like me.

Aw...You're right.

- I can't believe dad wrangled
us into going to see grandma.

You know she used to cut my hair
every time I'd visit her,

give me
these terrible haircuts?

She's pure evil.

- She sounds evil.
- She's not...

Grandma blanche is not evil.

You know what,
every time I won a spelling bee,

she gave me 5 bucks.

- Aw.
- It was really sweet.

- So as long as you're capable
of winning a spelling bee,

she will love you.

Yeah, that's not evil at all.

Right, Joel?

- Ugh, I don't know her, so.

- ♪ I'm going home

♪ well it won't be long

♪ I didn't do you wrong

♪ so you waiting

♪ gonna weep and moan

- All right, who wants to order
a couple of monte cristos

just to taste?
- You get it.

- If you want it a heart attack
in a bottle.

- Nah, the Philly cheeseburger.

- What about the fiesta salad?

- Sydney, how about
fruit salad?

- Hold it.

Hold it just one second.
I mean, come on.

I gave you menus.

Everybody should know what
they want. Let's order.

- Well, dad, we don't know what
everybody else is getting...

- Relax.
We're not on maneuvers.

We're trying to figure out
what we're gonna eat.

- Who got
the strawberry limeades?

- Okay, well, I tell you what,
somebody order me

a Turkey burger,
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

- You got it. You want salad...
- Yeah, please.

- I'm gonna have a Reuben.
- Mm-hmm.

- I'm gonna have extra slaw
and extra dressing.

Is that possible?

- Got you, you bet.

- And the gentleman
who just left us...

- Will you do me a favor and
just keep your eye on the chair

in the truck, please?

- You want me to stare
at the chair while...

- I don't want you to stare.

I want you to just make sure
nobody steals the damn chair.

All right? God, I'm just
asking you to do a favor.

Can you do that?

- I won't take my eyes off it.
- Yeah, thanks.

- Maybe I want a eggs Benedict.

- Well, he is in a lovely mood.

- You know, son,
I gotta tell you something.

I'm having a hard time with your
whole family not being here.

- Oh, God, dad, you you mind?
I'm a little busy back here.

- No, I understand, you know,

you got your hands full
with Max and everything.

My gosh, I respect that,
but did you have to throw

the gauntlet down just
before our big family trip,

for Pete's sake?
- Hey, dad, you know what?

It's done,
so let's just drop it, okay?

- Well, tell me something,
Adam.

Did the baby do anything?

'Cause how come the baby
can't be here?

Why didn't the baby...
- God, dad, please,

just let it go.

- Why don't you call up
Kristina on the phone?

Just tell her, j...
Put your foot down.

- Oh, that's just perfect.
- Huh?

Just put your foot down, Adam.

- Uh, because it's not 1950,
dad.

I don't "put my foot down"
with Kristina.

- Well, you should be
putting your foot down.

- Would you just stop
and give me a break, okay?

This is my family.

I'm happy to be here for you,

and I am sorry
if you're disappointed,

but Kristina had to make
a tough decision with Max,

and we're gonna stick
with it, all right?

Settle down.

- I'm settled.

- He'll be fine.

He'll be fine
once we get to his mom's.

You know, it's just now he's got
the... you know, the anxiety.

- Is he worried about her
'cause she fell?

- No, it's the... it's
his whole thing with his mom.

Well, he didn't have the kind
of parents that you kids have.

- Smoking hot?
- What kind is that?

Smoking hot parents?

- No, supportive.

When he was a young man,
he had a lot of dreams.

There were things he wanted
to do and be and...

- Like what?
- Like being an actor.

- Aww.
- And you know what she said

to him when he told her
he wanted to be an actor?

- What?

- She said, "and what makes you
think you're so special?"

And he was special.

And he is special,

but he still hears her voice
in his head, even now.

You know, and the... I think,
in some ways,

he still is, um,
seeking her approval.

- Uh, whose approval?
- The w-waitress'.

- The extra slaw.
- Talking about my mom, huh?

- Dad, it's no big deal.
We were just talking about how

maybe you shouldn't worry
so much

about what grandma thinks,
that's all.

- Yeah, we don't worry
about what you two think,

and look at us.

We're all, uh,
smashing successes.

Yeah, clearly.

- Besides, grandma's, uh...
She's a little bit bonkers.

You shouldn't let her opinion
inform you about anything.

- "Bonkers"?
I mean, she's your grandma.

How about a little respect here,
Crosby?

- I thought I was being nice
about it.

- Just a little bit.
Just tone it down a little.

- It's cute.
It's like a sitcom.

- It isn't even Chris...

- It's bonkers grandma.
- Guys...

- Then what are you...

- Where the hell is the chair?

Oh, my God.

- I can't believe anyone
would steal that.

- Aw, come on, is this a joke?

Are you kidding me?

Well, where the hell
is the chair?

I told you to keep your eyes
on it, and it's gone!

- I looked at my menu
and it was gone!

They couldn't have gotten far.
It's a 600-pound recliner.

- This is not funny!

I can't believe she's making me

drive the rest of the way.

It just doesn't
seem fair somehow.

- At least you didn't

have to see her having sex
with Mr. Cyr.

Yeah.
- You're not serious.

- Absolutely, yes.
I'm dead serious.

- Oh, my God.
No.

- I, like, went to get a cd
from the guesthouse

- and walked in on... yeah.
- - No.

- Ew.
- - And I can't even

hardly make eye contact.

- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.

- That's why you're mad
and angry this whole trip.

- And she is coming, so...
- Okay.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait,
please, no.

- Oh, my God,
grandpa is losing it.

Hey, can I move this?

- You bet, yeah.
Oh, wow, okay.

- Thank you.
- My back is killing me.

Let's go.

- Okay.

- 900 bucks
right out the window, huh?

What am I gonna get my mom?

Happy 86th birthday, ma.

Here's, uh,
some fuzzy dice, huh?

How about a baseball cap or a...
A switchblade?

How about that?

- Or one of those great
little cigarette lighters

that have the eagle on them?

Hi.

Ah, uh, no.

I'm in the car with the kids.

- Hi.
- Mark says hi.

They say hi back.
What?

No.

I am familiar
with that, uh, position in, uh,

the c...
In the congress.

I...
Uh...

- Stop.
- I will...

I'm gonna talk to you later.

Okay, bye.

- ♪ Hook a ride
all night long ♪

- Hmm.

- I cleaned my room.

- It looks amazing.

You did a really good job.

- Can we go on the trip now?

- No, buddy.

I'm... I'm sorry.
We can't.

- Dad, let me get $10.

- For what?

- Uh, for this '70s cd
over there.

It looks funny and weird.
We can listen to it in the car.

- Oh, yeah, sure.
Let me give you some money,

so you can do something else
besides talk to me on this trip.

- Uh, is something wrong?

- You know what,
if I have to explain it to you,

it's not worth talking about.
How much do you want?

- Okay, I don't know,

but it sounds kind of childish.
I don't know...

- Well, it quite possibly
is childish, haddie.

I'm sure it's not nearly
as adult or as engrossing

as texting your friend Caroline
for hours

or listening to Taylor swift
for the 1,400th time.

- Okay, whoa. I... are you...
Is this a serious fight?

- Yeah, I'm serious.

I thought it'd be nice
to talk to you.

You haven't said two words to me
this entire trip.

- Uh, yeah, I have.
What are...

- No, you haven't.
- Oh, my God.

- Not about anything important
or real, you know?

- You want to be having serious,
heavy conversations?

I'm just trying to have fun.

- I'm just trying
to have fun too.

I thought it would be fun
to talk to my daughter

six months before she goes away
to college,

but I guess I was wrong.

Here's $20.

- Oh.
- Knock yourself out.

- Thanks for the guilt trip.

- I like this one, but I like
the other one better.

- All right,
the other one it is.

- All right.

- I think she'll like it.

- Hey.

Do you think my mom
would like this?

- I think it would look
really pretty on her.

- Yeah, okay.

- Look at this.
What is this for, my hair?

- No, don't touch that.
- Okay.

- Ew, I don't know, it's a...
- Do you like our hats?

Look, I got us matching hats.

- Oh, cute.
- Aw.

- Doesn't seem to have
cheered him up very much.

What's wrong with him?

- Well, you know.

I don't know.

- What?

- He, uh, walked in on,
um, you and Mr. Cyr,

uh, having a private meeting

in the guesthouse.

- What?

- An intimate union of bodies.

- Shut up.

- Oh, no!
- - Mm-hmm.

- No, no.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

- Not this morning, no, no.
- Yes, this morning.

It's horrible.
It's the worst thing ever.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
You don't understand, okay?

- It's so terrible for...
Even for me to think about...

- Even for me, please.

- And I'm, like, enlightened,
and it's horrible.

It's... he's really upset.
- What do I do?

- I don't know.
I don't know how to...

How to fix this.
This is a serious issue.

I don't know what
you're gonna do.

- I made dinner.

- Wow.

It looks really good, Max.

Really delicious.

- I gotta tell you something.

I don't think I'm feeling
very good, I mean...

- Why don't you go lie down?
- I don't want to lie down.

I mean, I still gotta call
my mother and tell her

that half the family
isn't coming.

- Why are you harping on this?
- Oh, my God.

I can't believe
you can't let it go.

You can't let it go.
- No, no, I gotta say something.

Adam, this is from the heart.

I mean,
I ask so little of you, son.

- Dad!
- I ask so little of all of you.

- Really? Are you joking?
- Okay.

Let's talk
about something else.

- Dad, you got us piled in
these cars like sharecroppers,

traipsing all around the state,

and we're doing that for you,
and you're mad.

This is insane.
- Oh, yeah, well, the only thing

I asked you to do
was just go up

and visit my mother
on her 86th birthday.

- What the hell
you think we're doing here?

- Then all of a sudden you think
it's a war crime

or something like that.
- Dad, it's not a war crime.

It's just that w...
- Yeah.

- It was kind of out of the
blue, not a whole lot of notice.

And so we all
worked really hard

to get our schedules arranged
to be here.

- So all of a sudden,
it's like you guys

are doing me this giant favor.

- No, sweetie,
that's not what she said.

- That's...
- No, that is what she said.

I gotta tell you something.
You know, really.

You guys...
You really just...

You suck.

I'm gonna go to bed.

- Mom.

Just hold it straight
and then wait when you...

- He checked out a while ago.

Maybe, like,
before 8:00.

- Truck's not there.

- He checked out.
- Thanks, Joel.

Uh, did... did he say
where he was going?

- I don't usually ask people

where they're going
when they check out.

- Okay.

- Neither of them are answering
their cell phones.

- How do I do this?
- You got it.

- No, don't answer that.

- Really?
- Yeah, really. Really.

- Oh, come on.
- No, I don't want them

coming along
on this trip anymore.

Heck with it.

I don't want them thinking
that I made them do it.

And then that's not what this is
supposed to be about, Camille.

My God, let them learn a lesson,
for crying out loud.

- It really...
It's so typical of dad.

Selfish.
- It's so manipulative.

- I don't like being told
I suck.

I know that for sure.

- And now we're supposed
to feel guilty.

- Yeah.
- But I don't feel guilty.

- No, I don't feel guilty.

- I don't.
I just feel annoyed.

- Yeah.
- I feel guilty about the chair.

I really blew it on that one.
- Well, that...

You should feel bad.
- Yeah, you should.

- He did ask me to watch it.
- Well, what are we doing?

- Well, let's just do what we're
supposed to do, and let's...

Let's put our tails
between our legs

and get up there and apologize.

- That's exactly what
he wants us to do.

We didn't do anything.

What do we have
to apologize for?

We shouldn't have to feel bad.
- I know, but...

- Okay, you know,
I left half my family behind,

so I could do this for him.
Where's the appreciation?

- You're not gonna get
appreciation.

- You're never gonna get
appreciation.

- And that's why we shouldn't go
along and give into this stunt.

I-it's like saying,
"you win."

- Well, what about grandma?

- Personally,
she doesn't approve of me.

I know that because she said to
dad, "I don't approve of Sarah,"

and then he told me, so...

- I say we don't follow them.

- Let's go home.
- That feels good.

I like it.
- Let's stop at that split pea...

- Wow, really?
- Come on, buddy.

We're going home.

- Hi, bud.

You hungry?

- No.

- Do you want me to help you
unpack your bag?

Careful.

- Careful, careful.

- So buddy, what kind
of a lesson did we learn

from all of this?

- I can't call you names.
- Right.

Ever.
- Ever.

- Especially that name.
It's not a nice name.

What is this, buddy?

- It was for mama blanche.

Last time I saw her, she said
she liked bugs and things

like that, so...

How do you fold a shirt?

- ♪ If you'd imagine

♪ the music so real

- I'm sorry that I wasn't
paying attention to you.

- That's all right.
I was tired.

I overreacted.
It's okay.

- I just also
was thinking that...

I'm just so used to being able
to hang out with you...

Whenever.

I don't think
about not seeing you,

like when I'm going to school...
How that's gonna change.

'Cause it's scary to think
that I'm gonna be, like,

an adult, and you have
to take things seriously.

And it's scary, right?

You're just my dad.

I'm so used
to having you around.

So I just want you to know
that I am having fun with you.

- Well, I want you to know
that I think you are

an amazing young woman.

I do.
It's true.

- This is how you feel
about your parents, right?

- Oh, God.
- What is happening?

- I'm feeling guilty.

- Oh, God.
- Yes.

- Okay, you?
- Yeah, I feel pretty lousy.

I mean, big, big, guilt, so...
- Is it wrong that I don't feel

anything at all?
- Yes, that is wrong.

- Let's go.
- You might not be human.

- Let's get
a speeding ticket again.

- Why isn't she
answering the door?

- Maybe she can't hear it.

- Well, she can hear.

I mean, her ears are just fine.

It's her hips, you know,
could be sold for parts,

but she can hear good.

Mom!

You think something happened?

- Maybe there's a window open.

- Mom!

Are you okay?

Mom!
- Hey.

- All right, this is it.
Mom!

I'm coming in.

- Mom?

- Mom!
Hey!

- Mom?
- Mom!

Hey!

Hello?

She's not here.

- No, today's Tuesday.

Right?
"Bridge club, 1:30."

- What?

- She has bridge club.

- She scheduled a bridge game
the day we arrive?

- Well, I m...
- And we...

We drive hundreds of Miles,
we go through hell to get here,

and she scheduled a bridge game?
I mean, that damn woman.

- I'm sure it's...
It's every Tuesday at 1:30.

She's old.

- Well, so am I, damn it.
I mean, come on.

It's just...
You know what?

I'm through with this.
I'm done.

Finished. I'm out of here.
I am so finished!

Knows we're coming.
Why the hell...

- Surprise!
We're here!

- Where's mama blanche?
I have a present for her.

- Whoa, Max. We flew down
to surprise everybody,

so I thought it would be...
- You deserve a medal,

flying
with a three-month-old.

- Thank you.
I had a beer on the plane,

so that helped a little bit.

Where did everybody go?
What happened?

- Oh, you wanna know
what happened?

- Yeah.
- Oh, I'll tell you

what happened.
- Okay.

- Come here.

Well, um...

Kristina, the deal is...

I look at my life,
and I'm thinking, you know,

what really matters,
and, I mean,

you got the memories
and all that.

Yeah, that's great.

But the whole purpose
is family.

I mean, that's really
what I want it to be about,

and I wanted the kids to come
with me to visit my mom.

And, uh, they were kind of
reluctant, so I got angry.

I got mad at them and just
completely drove them away.

And, uh,
pretty much just screwed...

I... I just pretty much
screwed the whole thing up.

That's the bottom line.

- Zeek, come on.

Are you kidding?

You're kidding.
- Mm.

- You didn't screw anything up.

I mean,
I can say this, because,

well, you know,

coming from a family
that's really lacking, and...

You should be very proud

of yourself and this family.

You and Camille have created
this wonderful and weird

and crazy...

Great family.

And I'm so lucky
to be a part of it.

I can't tell you.

You know, you've always
treated me like a daughter.

And you've always been there
for me,

and I want to thank you
for that.

So thanks.

You're a good dad...
- Really?

- And a good man.
Mm-hmm.

- Thanks.

- Hi.
- Ma!

- I'm gonna get Camille.

- Zeek.
- Hi.

Here, let me help you.

- I'm okay.
- Are you sure?

- Yeah.
- Look who's here.

- Hey, ma.
- Oh, that's it.

- How are you?
- Good.

- Look who's here.

- Look, Millie.
- Mom.

You look wonderful.
- Camille...

You look lovely.
- Thank you.

Happy, Happy Birthday.
- Happy Birthday.

- Thank you.
- What happened?

I mean, what did you do?
Forget we were coming?

- No, I knew you wouldn't
be here till now.

The traffic's a bitch
in the afternoon.

- See?
- Oh, my gosh, look.

- Can you get the gift
out of the car?

Grandma, hey!
Uh!

How you doing?
Sorry I'm late.

Honey?
- Surprise!

- Happy Birthday.
So glad to see you.

We had to stop with the kids
and it was just crazy.

- Hi, honey.
I'm sorry.

- Happy Birthday.

- Aw, you're happy to see me?

I spent $500 on plane fare,
so...

- Thank you, honey,
I'm so glad you're here.

- You're welcome.

- I don't even know everybody.

- Okay, we got a whole crew
down here.

- Oh!
- You just lost a tooth?

- See, they all showed up.
They all wanted to be with you.

- Haddie!
- Hi!

- Sorry for everything, pop.

- You're a good kid, Adam.

- Remember Sydney?
She's grown a lot.

Do you remember
your grandma blanche?

Goodness this is something.

Looks like you like it.

- Oh, this is beautiful.
Julia, thank you.

That's so useful.

- Grams.
- Yes.

- That's from me.
- Okay.

What is this?

- Uh, what you're looking
at there is an egg cooker

for poached eggs.

It's got a timer on there

so that your eggs
won't be runny.

- Oh.

I haven't eaten eggs in years.

That will be interesting.

She doesn't eat eggs, Crosby.

- Do mine next.
- Okay.

- Open it.
- Okay.

Open it?
- And then you can open this.

Okay.

Okay.

Here we go.
This is so exciting.

It's a snow globe.

- Yay, I love snow globes.
I love that one.

That was the best one
in the store.

- Look at that.
- Snowy!

- I picked that out.
- Snow.

- Oh, thank you.

- Hey, will you come out
in the car with me?

I need some help
carrying something.

- I remember when we got that.

- Yeah.
- Good.

- It's just... you know,
it's a really heavy thing.

I don't really have anything
for you to carry.

I just want to talk this out
with you.

I'm sorry you saw whatever...
You know, whatever it was.

- No, no.
- I know.

I don't wanna bother you
about it, and I...

I feel like we can't even talk
normally.

I mean,
I... I remember,

in junior high,
I saw my teacher buying

1/5 of vodka, and you know,
I thought that was bad.

And this is much, much worse.
- Yeah, of course.

You didn't see teacher
having sex with mom, okay?

It's different and bad.

- Look, drew,
people are just people, okay?

I'm a person,
and you're a person.

And you know, some
of the people things that I do

you'll think about someday
or something, and you know,

you're... you know, I know I'm
your mom, but I'm also a...

I'm a person.

- It's just like moms
don't have sex, and so...

- I know, but at...
On the other hand,

here you are, so...
- Yes, I'm aware.

I'm aware, so, yeah.

- I guess maybe
you need more time.

- Mm-hmm.
Yeah.

- Well, can you...

Can we at least try to enjoy
the rest of the trip and...

- Yeah.
Should we just go back in?

- Can I give you a h...
Hug?

- Listen,
tomorrow it'll be better.

- Too soon?
- Yeah.

- Thanks for having
this conversation.

That's not a good handshake.

It's very limp.
- Yeah.

- No more sugar.
You're gonna get pinworms.

- Hey, you're gonna drop it.
- Max, stop it, okay?

Go play with your cousins,
please.

It's, like, gritty.

- So how have you been,
grandma blanche?

- Oh, just fine.
- Yeah?

- Yeah, I'm very independent.

Don't need much fussing over.

Course, it would be nice
to see certain people

a little more often.

- We're here now, mom.

- Yeah.

- But, um, did you enjoy your
party and your awesome gifts?

- Oh, yes.
They were great.

Of course, zeek forgot
and had to pick me up a hat

at the tourist stop
on the way here.

He was always forgetful.

Bit of a wanderer.

Maybe that's why
he never stayed in one business

very long, always moving
from place to place.

- You know, he's here, grandma.
He can hear you.

- It's okay, son.

Give it a rest.
It's not worth it.

- You know, he bought you
a really nice recliner

for your birthday,
and he went to a lot of trouble

to put it in the back
of his truck and rope it down.

And then I was supposed to watch
over it, and it was stolen.

And it's my fault, not his.

- What's wrong?

- It's nothing, ma.

- Crosby told me
about the chair.

Don't worry about it.

What am I gonna do
with a big recliner anyway?

- It's not the chair.

- Well, what is it then?

You know what I told my kids

every day of their lives?

I mean, all four of them,

whether I was angry or
frustrated or sad or whatever,

you know what
I told them every day?

"I love you."

I wanted it
to be clear to them.

That's why I told them.

Then you hurt your hip,
and, um, suddenly I thought,

jeez, I gotta get
those kids up there.

Ma, they are the best thing
that I have done...

With my life...

And I wanted you to see that.

- They are beautiful.

- Thank you.

I love you, zeek.

Of course I do.

You're my baby.

- ♪ dry your eyes and sleep ♪

♪ you're the swear I'll keep ♪

♪ honey you'll be safe ♪

♪ here with me

♪ honey I'll try