Parenthood (2010–2015): Season 2, Episode 8 - If This Boat Is a Rockin' - full transcript

Adam confronts a man in defense of Max. Crosby and Jasmine delve into domestic discussions, beginning with the selling of Crosby's boat. Meanwhile, Sarah and Gordon spend an afternoon together, which carries on until sunrise the next morning, creating tension with Amber and Drew. Elsewhere, Haddie discovers intriguing information about Alex.

I need to fire seven people.

These are people, okay,

that we have worked
with for 15 years.

Stop thinking.
Just do it.

You need me to come up
there and hold your hand?

Gordon asked me out.

I'm really sorry, but if anybody
doesn't know this guy, it's you.

All right, well, I'm gonna
make my own decisions.

Alex is the volunteer
coordinator here.

Oh, hi.

Would you please stop talking
to me like I'm an idiot?



I don't think you're an idiot.

You were a little late today.

Well, you should dock my pay.

Will you marry me?

We're getting married!

Jasmine, welcome to Crazytown.

Okay, just stop that, please?

It's just so genius.

Whoever came up
with this is a genius.

Huh? No?
Nobody? Nothing?

Bob's walking in.

Showtime.

- Here we go.
- You guys, seriously,

how big a deal can this testing
thing be at this point?



Well, if we tank,
the shoe is history.

You're kidding me?
After we spent three months developing this,

and then eight people sitting in
a room are going to tell us...

The shoe business
is hell, Sarah.

Bob.
Hey.

Hey, Bob.

Well, I've done
a preliminary tabulation

and, you know you have
to keep in mind...

Bob, please, just...

Well, it's not good.

Because it's so great?

I'm afraid not.

The beeping gave the parents
a massive headache.

Oh, well, that's an easy fix.

It doesn't have to beep.
It can chirp. It can whistle.

Bottom line?
DOA.

Do over again?

I'm really sorry.

Clear!

This is... I like this.
This is cool.

Yeah, it's got new carpet.

Yeah, this is cute.

It's actually kind of
perfect for what we need.

Jabbar can walk to school.
Mmm-hmm.

It's close to everything.
Mmm-hmm.

And, you know, how cool
is it that the neighbors

have twin
5-year-old boys?

I mean...
There was...

They were twins, right?

Yeah, they were.
Okay, I thought I was seeing...

Double?
...double.

It's fate.

I mean.
Yeah?

It's kind of fate.

It's kind of an expensive fate.

I know.
I know it's a stretch.

It's just, you know, um...

I still have loan payments
on my equipment

and then I have
fees for my boat.

The boat?

Yeah, my boat.
My vessel.

You know, I have dock fees
and maintenance costs.

You know, you got to
keep the barnacles off.

Yeah, well, are you planning
on keeping the boat?

Well...

Well, I mean, 'cause
we're moving in together.

Why would you need the boat?

Yeah, I guess
that's a good point.

I mean, Jabbar loves it,

but I guess it is
silly to keep both.

Yeah.

We're selling the boat!

Son, I don't want
to belabor the point,

but the clicker shoe thing is
very important to your sister.

Dad, I don't want
to talk about it.

Hey, Max, we can't have that
many bags of chips, okay.

One for everyone.

No, we can all share one.
We don't need four.

Oh, come on, let the
boy have his chips.

Yeah, let the boy
have his chips.

Thanks a lot, Dad.
You know what? All right, two.

You can have two bags of chips,
that's the limit, okay?

Come on. Thank you.

How about another focus group?

Dad, focus groups
cost a lot of money,

like $15,000, you know,
to do it right.

We're seriously cash
strapped right now.

That's the time when
you go balls out, son.

Dad, it's throwing
good money after bad.

There's no point in spending money
developing a shoe that nobody wants.

You know, I may as well just
flush the money down the toilet.

Well, what do you...
What's the alternative?

Don't do anything?

Seventeen items.

Hey, I'm buying those.
What are you doing?

Ten items or less.
There's 17 items.

Give me a break, will you, kid?

That's seven items too many.

I'm buying those.
What are you doing? Hey, hey.

Max, it's okay.
It's okay. I'm sorry.

I'm in a hurry.

Will you leave it,
leave it alone?

Hey, hey.

- He has more items. Dad!
- Let him go, it's all right.

Dad! He has 17 items!
Are you seeing that?

You know what, Max, there
are some people that think

the rules don't apply to them.
Let's just let him go.

Okay?
Let's just let him go.

There are some people that should
mind their own damn business.

All right, buddy?
Just mind your own business.

Dad, Dad.
What'd you say?

Now he's involved?
Dad.

Yeah, I am involved.

It's okay. Hey, you know
what, can you help Max?

- Go get some more chips?
- More chips.

Some more chips and some more pretzels.
Can you help Max?

Yeah.

Can you hurry
this up, please?

Jackass. Jackass.

Excuse me?

What is your problem?

I don't have a problem.

No, you do have a problem.

Maybe you can't read.
It's 10 items.

That kid of yours
has a problem.

No, my son does...

You should train him
better or something.

Train him better?
What is that supposed to mean?

Well, I feel sorry
for you, okay.

You feel sorry
for me? Why?

Yeah, because you've got a
burden because he's a retard!

So, I can use
regular taco meat?

Okay, I think they'll like it.

Yeah.

Thanks, Suze.
I will.

Oh, okay, you know what,
I got to go. Bye.

We got American beer.

Ooh. Good. Yum.

How'd it go?

Did you get everything
on the list?

Yeah, I think so.

Is everything okay?

Yeah.

Yeah?

Uh, yeah, yeah.

It's just that we had a problem
with Max and the chips.

You know, how many he got.

Excuse me.

You want a beer?

What happened?

Nothing.
Something happened.

Nothing happened.
Did Max have a breakdown?

Oh, my God, he had
a tantrum, didn't he?

No.
I told Gaby not...

We've been working on this...

Kristina, nothing happened.
I said nothing happened.

Okay. Don't snap at me.
I just asked.

I'm going to take a shower.

I just mean there's so much
that's going on all the time.

Like every minute I spend here is
worth more than anything I've spent.

I don't know.
You know what I mean?

Yeah, I mean, it's
pretty cool, I guess.

All right, well, you don't
need to be so modest.

It's amazing actually.

The big moving day is tomorrow
and it's something special.

The look on those kids' faces when they
walk through the door for the first time.

Yeah.

Pretty much the best
part of the job.

I bet.
Hands down.

Well, you know, tomorrow if you're
not doing anything after school,

if you're not busy,
you should come by.

I would love to.

I would really love to.
I just, uh...

I have to go to a pep rally.
A pep rally?

Yeah. I'm the President
of the Junior Class. Wow.

So I have to deal with that.
Wow.

Of course you are the President.
Oh, all right.

Let's not say that. It's just.
I don't know, we're, um...

We're renaming the school
mascots from the Rough Riders,

'cause it's archaic, and that's it.
It's not important.

Oh, okay. That's too bad.
I would love for you to see it.

Me too. Can you just take that
box out before you leave?

Okay.

Is this one kitchen, too?

Hey, buddy,
we're getting close.

I'm gonna get
the liquids, Daddy.

You're gonna get the liquids?
Yep.

Will you get me one of the
orange liquids? Oh, yes.

I can't remember,
do you like your dogs burnt,

very burnt, or
completely black?

Mmm, burnt.

Burnt. Okay, well, then
we are ready to eat now.

Okay.

One plain hotdog.
There you go.

Cheers.
Cheers.

Well,

this might be our last
time eating hotdogs

on the back of the frigate.

Why?

Well, 'cause we're getting
that great new apartment

and we're probably going
to have to sell the boat.

Yeah, I feel the same way.

Can we keep the boat, too?

Well,

that'd be kind of
excessive, I think.

Why?

Well,

you know we have to
pay for the new place,

and, you know, you
can't have everything.

But you're a boat guy.

You think I'm a boat guy?

Ever since I met you,
you lived here.

This is your boat.

You're a boat guy,
and this is a house boat.

See?

That's pretty good logic.

This boat is you.

Hey.

Hey. Sorry.

A great idea,
ahead of its time.

Oh, no. That's okay. You don't...
You don't have to cheer me up.

Listen, you, Adam and I
have to quietly slip away

for the afternoon.
What for?

Because we have
a tradition here.

Every time we test a shoe,
I rent a limo fully stocked

and if the shoe tests well,
we go out and celebrate.

And if the shoe fails,

then we go out and drink ourselves
into a business-y stupor.

Let's go.

My brother, Adam, does that?

Every time.

And since the clicker shoe
was your brain child,

this year you will come with.
Come on, let's go.

Now?
Yeah.

It's like 3:30.

I'm the boss. Let's go.
All right.

Yeah, well, don't blow
your brains out just yet.

Uh, hang on a second, Terry.

Terry from manufacturing?
Yep.

Tell him you got to go.
Put on your drinking shoes, man.

Uh, not this time, Gordon.

Aw.

Terry, I'm going to
have to call you back.

Braverman, please, come on.

Yeah, come on, Braverman.

Look, guys, I seriously...
I just want to stay here and mourn in my own

swamped with work kind of way.
It's tradition.

I know it's a tradition.
I've been a part of the tradition.

But this year, I want to stay
here and get some things done.

Really? I've got this work to
go, and I want to get it done.

- You sure?
- Yep.

He's gonna stay here.
Yep.

Okay.
Okay.

Suit yourself.
All right.

Okay. But, I'm gonna...
You know.

You know, right? I mean...
Yeah, great.

Have fun. Go for it.
You have fun. You.

Yeah, you, too. Have fun.
Have fun celebrating.

Excuse me, Mister President.

I have a few questions for you, like
where do you think you're going?

Um...

I'm leaving.

What do you mean?
You're ditching?

All right, well, yeah, I am.

You can't leave me in there.
This is your big deal. I'm in there for you.

Then don't stay.
It's not important. I just...

I'm gonna go.
Wait a second.

What?

Well, then I'm gonna
come with you.

Look, well, no. I mean,

I'm going to help
a homeless family move

if you want to do that, so...

That doesn't sound fun.

Right. Okay, I'll see you.

Well, wait, you could just
like leave me at a coffee shop

and then we could meet up.

I don't know.
Amber, I... Um...

I might be getting like a
different way home. I don't know.

What?
That doesn't even make sense.

Uh...
Why are you acting so strange?

No, I'm not... I'm not
acting strange. I just...

You have a crush on one
of the homeless guys?

No.

Oh!
No, that's not it.

You have a crush on
a homeless guy!

I'm leaving.

Okay, can't wait to tell
the family about this.

Be safe.
You look good!

And clean!
He's going to like that!

Thank you so much.

You deserve it, bro.
I appreciate it.

No problem, man.

- You are such a blessing.
- Thank you.

Thank you.
Enjoy it.

What's up?
Hey.

What happened to the pep rally?

Well, uh, I don't know.

It got postponed.
Great.

Yeah. Great. Sure.
Am I like interrupting? No.

Are you guys gonna have
dinner or something?

No, not at all.
We're just finishing moving them in.

- Alex!
- What's happening?

Hey! What's up, my man?
How are you doing, brother?

You're getting big on me.
We made you this.

Really? Ah, it's a lanyard.
It's for my keys, right?

Mmm-hmm.

Aww, purple's my
favorite color.

I'm going to put it on.
You got to put it on me.

It's nice, isn't it?

It is, it is.
Thank you, guys.

Go play.
Go ahead.

- Come on.
- Those guys are awesome.

Yeah, cool.

Well, so, since you're here, and
we're not finished working yet,

do you mind if...

What are we doing?
Oh, I was just...

I figured you want to help.

Right. Obviously.

Mmm-hmm.
Right.

Obviously that's
why I came. Okay.

Well, I can't even imagine
Adam reacting that way.

I mean, I just kept going on and on about
that clicker shoe thing, you know.

I don't know.
Maybe I upset him or something.

Oh, no, it would take
a whole lot more than that

to make Adam punch someone.

Adam doesn't punch people.

You punch people.

You know,

he's under a lot of
pressure at work. He's...

He's got Max to
deal with, you know.

Yeah, well then
you need to talk to him.

I tried talking to him.
He didn't want to talk about it.

He didn't want to
hear what I had to say.

Oh.

Try again.

What's up, champ?

Oh, hello.
You tired?

Um...

No.
You sure?

Yeah. I saw you trying to
move that couch by yourself.

All right. Well, please
don't make fun of me.

No, I was just thinking this day
has been really, really great.

Really?

Like this is the day
that this family's life

changed, right?

I just feel like
it meant something.

And I don't want to spend like

any more time worrying about
things that don't matter.

Like school stuff,
like dances and grades.

It's meaningless.

What you're doing
is not meaningless.

No, I know.

I know that, obviously,
it's just...

Listen, you have
a bright future.

You're going to be
somebody's boss one day.

Student government, come on.
Right.

Oh.
All right?

Yeah, of course.

I'm pretty sure that you got
straight A's in school.

Yeah, wow, great.
I'm super predictable, straight A's.

I got a B in my sixth
grade math and science class.

Ooh, you're just dangerous, huh?
Well, please.

Living life on the edge.

Why do you want me to tell you things
so you can like make fun of me?

It's not fair.
No, because

you remember the first
time that you got a B,

your one and only B.

I know.
That's what I mean.

Why?

All right, well, I want you
to take this, all right?

And remember today

because today matters.

It does.
I know.

You did a lot of good work.
I know.

And you helped out.
I know.

You moved couches.
I know. I just mean

you put a lanyard
around my neck.

All right.

That's not a good idea.

Okay. Don't...
I don't want you...

No, no, no. It's okay.

Um... I'm...

I'm sure she's
fine, all right.

- How do you know that?
- I don't know that.

I assume it's...
I can't get a hold of her.

Look, she's here right now.
Haddie! Haddie!

Hey, Haddie!

Haddie? Haddie, your mother's
been worried sick about you.

That's an understatement. Where have you been?
I'm sorry. I apologize.

You're sorry?
Yes.

Haddie.
What?

I've called you three
times, where were you?

I was helping
the Rodriguez family move.

I don't know who they are.

Well, they're the homeless family
that Grandma introduced me to.

You helped them move
into a new home?

Yeah, I did.
That's great.

Thank you.

I don't care where you were,

you need to call me
and tell me, okay?

I was worried sick.

Okay.

You're right.
You're absolutely right.

All right? Hey, look, Haddie,
it's not a big deal,

you know, just...
Just give her a call.

Okay. All right, I'll
see you later, hon.

You're gonna...

I got to go to
Crosby's boat thing.

The last time I was in
a limo was 11th grade

and Danny Zelkind had saved
up his grocery delivery money

for a year to get a limo
to take me to junior prom.

And we never even went to the dance.
We just drove and drove.

We drove all the way to Napa.
We opened up the roof

and we looked at the stars.

That's it?
That's it.

How far did he get?

What?

Well, you know, it was
prom night, after all.

He got to second base
as I remember.

The guy delivered
groceries for a year

and rented a limo for you and
all he got was second base?

I mean...
Um, hello,

he got to second
base with, you know.

You know. I mean, come on.
Sarah Braverman.

Oh, God.
Seriously.

Listen, Sarah,

there's something
I want to show you.

The Retractable Golf Shoe?

That's right. Spikes retract so
you can finish a round of golf

and they convert right
into a walking shoe.

There's the Flipperoo.

It's a walking shoe that
converts to a flip-flop.

Did any of these get made?

Not exactly.

I know why
you're showing me this.

Why is that?

You're showing me
all your failures

so that I don't feel
bad about mine.

You're very sweet.

Sarah,

what are we doing?

I don't know.

What would Danny Zelkind do?

Hmm?

Sydney, come help me
with my drum set.

Oh, boy.

You just pop it right on top.

Damn, Joel, you're good.

It's pretty advanced.

Hey, uh, Jasmine,
I'd be remiss in my duty

as the last to marry
a Braverman,

if I didn't tell you something.

What?
It's not too late.

Hmm?
You can still save yourself.

You think you're marrying one,

but you're actually
marrying the whole gang.

So...
Yeah, I kind of sensed that.

Yeah.
And they're all crazy.

So what do you do?

No, there's nothing you can do.

It's infectious.
Bravermantitus.

It slowly eats away
at your brain

until you become
exactly like them.

What, white?

White.
It's that strong?

It's that strong.

Okay.

So, Jasmine thinks
I should sell the boat.

Why wouldn't you sell the boat?

Well, for one, I have a history

of selling things and then regretting
it, like my '68 Telecaster.

I sold it, and a year later
it tripled in value.

Well, the boat's not going to triple in value.
The boat's going to sink.

Yeah, well, it's not just
about the money, you know.

I had some of
my seminal moments

on that boat.

Are we talking about
your sex life now?

No, not just that, you know.

I came of age on there.

I've been in a relationship
with that boat

for a long time.

And Jabbar likes it.

Jabbar's six.

Well, the boat's part of me.
I'm a boat guy.

And he agrees.

Okay.

Cros.

Sell the boat.

You're a grownup.

Okay, let's take a break.

Dad, come on.
We've got so much crap to pack.

I don't have time for a break.
I said

let's take a break.

I want to talk to you about
what happened the other night.

Well, I don't want to
talk about what happened.

I know you don't want to talk about
what happened. I know it's...

It's hard to talk
about your feelings.

Who are you?

I'm not sure.

Dad, come on. That guy
was a jackass, all right?

I mean he said things he
shouldn't have and, you know,

paid the price. I think anybody
would have punched that guy.

Yeah.

Adam.
What?

Ever since

you were a little boy,

you've always managed

to be in control.

It astounded me.

And I...

I, so,

admired you for that,

and I still do.

I guess somebody had
to be in control, right?

And I was just trying to
balance you out, you know,

'cause you were just
explosive all the time.

Now, you'd even yell
at a stranger.

Remember that waitress who spilled
soup in your lap, you know.

Or when Crosby broke those black chess
pieces made out of onyx, you know,

you were so enraged about.

Or when Sarah and Seth came home stoned at 3:00a.
M, from that concert.

I mean, you went
berserk on that guy.

I was just trying not
to be like you, so,

the fact that you admire
that is pretty funny.

But now, I'm the
angry guy, you know.

And I'm angry at everything.
I'm... I'm angry that

I had to fire people at work,
because of the economy,

because I work for a jackass

who's been promising me
for 15 years

that he's going to give me
part ownership of the company,

and he never will.

I'm pissed off that
I have to hold Sarah's hand,

that she can't go
and find a job on her own.

You know, I'm...
I'm pissed off I can't do more for my son.

I'm pissed off that
he has Asperger's.

I'm pissed off
that you admire me

for being in control,

because I can't do
anything about it.

I can't do anything
about any of it.

I can't save
those people's jobs.

I can't make my kid
not have Asperger's.

I can't keep some asshole

from calling him a retard
in a supermarket.

So, what good does it do me
to control my feelings?

And honestly, it felt
good when I hit that guy.

It felt good not
to be in control.

I'm just angry all the time.

And I don't know what I'm
supposed to do about it.

You know, I can't go around
punching people in supermarkets.

I got your back, Adam.

Thanks, Pop.

I'm going to pack
some stuff up.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. We have to go.
Gordon, get up. Get up.

I'm sorry. We have to go.
We have to go right now.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
What time is it? Oh, my God.

I have to get home.
I didn't call.

They're going to know that I didn't come home.
I... I... It's 4:30.

Okay.
It's 4:30. Oh, my God.

Amber.

Amber, wake up.

What? Seriously, get up.
Mom's not home.

What?
I don't know.

Mom's not home.
What time is it?

Exactly.
It's light outside.

Did you call her?

Yes, I called her and she
won't call me back, and I...

Did you check the guest house?

Yeah, I checked
the guest house.

She's not there.
Like, she's not here.

Okay, all right.
I guess we should wake up Nana and Pop.

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Thanks a lot.

Okay.
Okay.

It was fun.
Okay.

Yeah, me too.
Yeah.

Bye.
Bye.

All right, let's go.

Okay.

Oh, you're up. Nice.

God.

Well, lucky me.

I thought I was going to
have to make my own coffee.

Good morning.
How is everybody?

Here she is.

What are you doing?
Are you trying to fool us?

Are you 12 years old?

It's 6:30 in
the morning, Sarah.

Where the hell you been?

You're not going to believe
this, but it was for work.

What?
And then it got stuck.

No. No, it wasn't, Mom.

Sorry, honey. I'm...
I'm really sorry. I...

Mom, next time you're
going to be at work

until 6:00
in the morning,

do you think you could at least
send us a text message or a call?

I didn't want to call
and worry everybody.

All right, Mom, whatever.
I'm getting ready for school.

You know, he came in and he woke
me up and he was hysterical.

I'm really sorry. I...
I absolutely did the wrong thing.

Sorry.

Well, you're home now, so...

I can't believe Joel
didn't build this one.

He did build all the others.

Well, don't defend him.

Are you jealous?

Of Julia's wife?
No, I'm not too jealous.

Hey.
What?

That's not very nice.

Well, I'm sorry.
I'm just a little bit

frustrated with
my brother and sisters

and you for not taking this
selling the boat thing seriously.

Well, what are we
supposed to be doing?

How are we not
taking it seriously?

You're supposed to
acknowledge it, you know.

Everyone's just taking it for granted
that I'm going to sell the boat.

And maybe I won't or maybe
I will. I don't know.

But it's a big deal.

I wish everyone would
treat it like that.

Look, someday, somehow, somebody
is going to honor the boat.

And that's all I'm saying.

Honor the boat.

I need a hammer.

Listen, um, this tradition,
you know, of, um...

That Gordon has, it kind
of turned into something

kind of personal and...

Yeah, it sounds like
you were out kind of late.

How do you know?
'Cause I got a call from Mom and Dad.

They called you?
Yeah.

Oh, God. They did?
Yeah.

When?

This morning,
they were looking for you.

Okay, that's a whole
other story.

Listen, it really did
start out as work.

Sarah, I don't want to talk about it.
It's over.

What's done is done, okay.

What do you mean,
"What's done is done"?

Sarah, I had to fire
seven people here.

I know.
So, the fact that you and Gordon

chose to go out and get hammered
in the middle of the day.

So, that's why I wish that my idea had
worked, which I still think it could,

and I still
don't understand why...

Whoa. What's
going on here?

You think I don't care about
those people's jobs? I do.

What's this?
Hi.

Hey.
What's happening?

Nothing.
Nothing.

Nothing, my ass.
You guys are fighting.

Nope. No, no, carry on.
I like this.

What's up, Crosby? What do you want?
What's going on?

Um...

I'm selling the houseboat.

- Oh.
- Yeah?

Well, I thought maybe we
could all get together

and have kind of like a farewell to the...
To the boat.

Farewell to the boat party?

Yeah, a farewell
to the boat, okay.

Okay. All right.
When is this happening?

That happens to be
where I became an adult.

It's the only place
I've ever called home

other than Mom and Dad's.

Okay, well, when's the
farewell party for the boat?

Immediately. Tonight.

Oh, God. Oh!
I got in trouble last night.

Crosby, obviously, I need
more notice than the day of.

I can't. I can't.

What are you talking...
You need notice...

You're not the President.

I mean, do you think
Neil Armstrong gave notice

when he made
a small step for man,

and a giant leap for mankind?

Well, you know, I'm pretty sure

that they planned on that for
well over a decade. So...

I think some people had
noticed, like his wife.

You get what I'm saying.

Listen, Crosby's going
to make a gigantic leap

and I thought maybe you guys
would want to be there.

Oh, if Crosby's about
to make a giant leap.

Then I want to be
there for sure.

Yeah, if Crosby is, then I'm
going to do my best to be there.

Crosby should know that Sarah's
going to try to be there.

Okay, you guys were in a fight

and now you're trying
to bring me into it.

But I'm not really
interested in it.

I want to try to be there.

Hey.
Stop. Okay.

- But I could amuse you.
- Crosby.

I'll see
what I can do, Cros.

Get back to work.
Okay.

Thank you.

Hey, uh, can I talk
to you for a second?

Are you busy, or...

Yeah, sure. Come in.

Okay. Um...

I just wanted to
apologize for yesterday

and say that I hope
it doesn't interfere with,

you know, what we've
been doing here,

'cause I want to keep doing it.

I'm an alcoholic.

I've been in recovery
for five months.

And I'm telling you this

because relationships,

romantic relationships, just
aren't good for me right now.

Yeah. Okay.

I don't want you to take
this the wrong either,

because I like you.

And it's not that you're not
attractive, because you are.

You're really amazing actually.

It's just I'm not in a place

to do anything about
those feelings right now.

Okay.

You understand, like...

Uh...

Is that why you dropped out of
school, 'cause of drinking?

It's one of the reasons.
Yeah.

All right. And you
go to meetings?

Meetings, I have a sponsor,
work the program.

The whole nine.

It's a lot.

Yeah.

Well, I can't wait to write
about this in my diary.

I get a journal log.
I feel special.

Yeah. Yeah.
Mmm-hmm.

"Dear Diary, I talked
to a drop-out alcoholic."

Sorry. "He was great.
He was so nice."

Really?
I had no idea.

Normal guy?

Yeah. Absolutely.

Okay. Well, I'm just
finishing up work if you...

Yeah, all right,
I'll see you later.

Okay.

Well,
I'm just saying...

Are you not
going to rename it?

This has been
a very successful mare.

Yeah.

Well, there was that one time
you were on tour in Australia?

Uh-huh.
And it hit me.

Mom and Dad had Sydney,

and Joel and I
had dinner reservations,

and we never made it to
the dinner reservations.

We just...
Came here?

We just came here.

Wait, you used my boudoir.

We used it all up.

Really? You and Joel?

You did?
Yes, is it that surprising?

Um, the Joel part, yeah.

I can't believe that
you're selling it

before I got a chance to do
something gross here.

How about you, Adam?

Did you ever use my home
as a cheap hourly motel?

No, don't be ridiculous.

Of course I have.

What?

No, you haven't.
Really.

When?
Who?

A couple of times Kristina
and I went into the city.

Haddie had
a babysitter and we...

What?

Checked to see if the
love boat was unoccupied.

Oh, my God!

Little did I know I was
living on a floating brothel.

Everything's better
in the salt air.

I got to say,
I'm kind of scared.

About
selling the boat?

No, about moving in
with Jasmine and Jabbar?

Of marriage?

Of screwing the whole thing up.

You know what,
it's a big change.

It's normal that
you feel scared.

I'd be worried if you
didn't feel that way.

Yeah, well, I have screwed up

every relationship
I've ever had, so...

Well, this one's different.

Mmm-hmm.

Because of Jabbar?

Yep.
Mmm-hmm.

And because you're different.

And you guys are
going to help me

stay on the straight
and narrow?

Mmm... Okay.

I've got my eye on you, buddy.

I'll help you.

Okay then.

Please join me
on the back of the boat.

Oh, my goodness!

Come on, you think that Neil
Armstrong wasn't scared

when he took that
first step to the moon?

I knew you loved that metaphor.

Okay.

- Do it.
- Three, two, one.

One small step
for this bachelor.

One giant leap for...

Family.

You're going
to be all right.

Good work.

It's like going
to ruin my whole.

Hi. I'm home.

Don't let these fall
off the thing, okay?

I'm on time.

I only had one beer.

Too soon?

You guys, I really
definitely made a mistake

and I'm sorry again.

Can we just move on?

I don't know, Mom.

I think we just don't
want to talk right now.

All right.
Carry on.

Tough room.

Could I get
just one small break?

Seriously. Did I ever
torture you like that?

Well, no,

because I never screwed up.

Oh, the world's
only perfect mother.

I remember you.

So what's the story
with this guy, Gordon?

I don't know.
He's really great.

He's... You know,
he runs this company.

He travels.
He's funny.

He's smart. He...

He likes me, Mom.

He's sweet.

Of course he's sweet,

'cause that's what you deserve.

Yeah.

They just don't get it,
though, huh?

Why don't they understand?

'Cause they're brats.
That's all.

They are really
rotten little brats.

I just love my
rotten little brats.

Of course you do.

Hey.

Hey.

How'd it go?

Oh, it was fine.

It was

typical Crosby, a lot
of drinks and no food.

Yep.

I punched a guy the other day.

What?

It was at the supermarket.
I hit a guy.

We were standing
in the express line

and Max got upset

because, you know, he counted that
the guy had 17 items instead of 10.

And some words were exchanged.

He called Max a retard
and I hit him.

Wait a minute.

He called Max a retard.

Yeah.

I'm glad you hit him.

Is the guy okay?

He'll live.

Why didn't you tell me this?

I was embarrassed.

Honey, you don't have
to be embarrassed with me.

I'm your wife, you know.

I don't know what's
going on, Kristina.

I'm just...
I'm angry all the time.

And I'm angry for being angry.

But I am under all this stress

and I know that's
not an excuse, but...

You know what
the scary thing is?

Hmm?

It felt great.

It felt really great.

It's like
a little bit ofjustice.

You know, maybe I'm a little more
like my dad than I want to admit.

Oh, no. No, no, no,
you're not like your dad.

Honey, you are nothing
like your dad. Okay?

I just...

I want you to be able to
tell me everything, okay?

Always. Even if it's
not pretty and...

Okay, Sluggo?

You hit him.
I know.

I'm not laughing,
but it's just...

Babe, we have to find some ways

for you to get rid
of this stress.

It's not good.

Maybe I should take up
racquetball, you know.

Mmm-mmm.

Oh, you got something in mind?

Mmm-hmm.

Mmm.

I just want you to promise me

that you won't say that

you're turning into
or you're like...

What, my dad?
Yeah, it just...

I don't know.

"Zeek Braverman,
how're you doing?"

Oh! Oh, no. See,
that's what I'm saying.

"Kristina, have I ever told you

"about R and R
in Bangkok?"

No, that is freaky
and it's not sexy.

I'm not listening to you.

"I'll tell you about stress
and tension." Honey.

"I've been out
on the front lines."

Stop it. Okay?

What are you doing? Hey.

I love you.

I love you.

Hey, what are you doing here?

I just want to tell you
that I know

how much this boat
means to you.

And I want to honor that.

Pop!

And I want to send it
off the right way.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.