Parenthood (2010–2015): Season 2, Episode 6 - Orange Alert - full transcript

I mean, we're just
studying, right?

We're not trying to
flirt with our SAT tutor?

It's making me feel like I'm
crashing a date with you and Howard.

This is kind of how I
hoped it would be. And...

I should give you back this
ring before you lose it.

I'm really touched.
I'm so excited.

I didn't suggest you
for the booth job.

What do you mean?
Gordon said that you did.

He usually
has an ulterior motive.

You really don't get how
amazing you are, do you?

Hey, honey.
What are you doing?



Being festive.

Honey.
What?

Orange is for doctor
appointments, not for Halloween.

You know what?
I was thinking, speaking of that...

Purple.
Look,

I know that usually
we stay home on Halloween,

but I was thinking maybe this year we try
taking Max over to my parent's house.

- You're not serious.
- It's Halloween.

Go ahead. Ask him.

Hey, Max. You know how we usually
stay at home on Halloween?

I was thinking that maybe this year
we'd go to Grandpa and Grandma's.

I do not want to.
Hmm.

- It's so much fun.
- Could you open this?

Honey, it's okay.
You don't have to go.



I want to go
trick-or-treating.

I want to go
trick-or-treating.

Really?

Max, honey, you've never
been trick-or-treating.

He was trick-or-treating once.

When he was 18 months old.

Max, are you sure you want
to go trick-or-treating?

You get candy for just going
up to a door and asking.

Yes, you do.
Hold on a second.

Hold on.
That is correct.

And it's so...
You walk up to a door. You knock.

You can dress up however
you want to dress up.

You can pick your own costume.

You could be a pirate.
Cockroach.

I want to be a cockroach.

Or a cockroach.

Come on, Syd.

Mommy, I know what I want
to be for Halloween.

You do? Here,
work with me.

What do you want to be?

I want to be a beauty queen.

Come again?

I want to be Miss California.

Sweetie, why don't you want be a
ladybug like you were last year?

That was so cute.

Well, I was a ladybug
when I was little.

I think you're
still pretty little.

Mommy, stop!
I'm not little.

And I want to be
Miss California.

Okay, why don't we
discuss it later?

No, Mom. I know what I want.
I want to be Miss California.

Okay, we're going
to think about it

and then we'll
discuss it later.

Is your grandpa excited enough
about Halloween, you think?

Yeah, I know.
Good morning.

Wow. It's so tight,
I can't breathe.

Can you help me with that?
Boy, you look really hot.

I bet it's for that
forklift operator guy.

Oh, well, actually,
that's sort of over.

Who's forklift guy?
No, it's done.

Well, you're dressing
for someone.

Hey, guess what?
I found my zombie arm.

Oh, gosh.

Cool.
Uh-oh.

Hey, look at all of this.
Hey, can I see the leg?

Yeah. We got three
days till Halloween,

that means we are behind.

Behind the neighbors?
Nobody make any plans, all right?

I want all hands on deck here.

We are gonna scare the piss out off
the neighborhood kids this year.

Oh, Zeek, we're not scaring
the piss out of anybody.

Amber would like to scare the piss
out of the neighborhood kids.

I do, that's right up my alley.

But I can't. I have to go to
Kelsey's mom's benefit thing.

Sarah, you tell Amber that she's got
to spend Halloween with her family.

I'm really sorry, Dad.
It's probably a bad time to tell you,

but I can't be there, either.
I got to work at the bar.

Oh, wait a minute.

Honey, sweetheart,
this is important to me.

Dad, I don't make
money at this day job

and, you know,
it's a big night for tips.

So... But I'll be
wearing a costume.

So will I.
I will, too.

Hey, we'll send pictures.
Yeah, we will.

Okay.
Bye.

Hey.

Well, I guess it's
just you and me, kid.

Don't you want to at least go
inside and see what it's like?

What time will you pick me up?

Buddy, you're going to
be having so much fun,

you're not even going
to want us to come back.

2:30, right on the dot.

What if I don't feel good?
Could I come home sooner?

Dude, this is incredible.

- How did you do this?
- Do what?

Do what? You have the best
cubby in the whole class.

It's blue, your favorite color.

It's at waist-level so
you don't hurt your back

when you're putting
your pack in there.

Did you pay someone off
to get it?

I didn't.

Maybe you're just lucky.
You want to give it a shot?

Let's see it.

Are you new?

Do you want to
see the class pet?

His name is Marvin
and he eats crickets.

Sometimes, he leaves the heads.

Okay.

Bye, buddy,
have a good day.

Okay.

They were holding hands.

The little guy with glasses.

Hi. I was...
How are you?

Good. You?

Good.

Yeah.

Okay.

Oh, oh, oh!

Yeah?

Sarah, I've been
meaning to tell you.

The specs on the
M.X. 20 are late.

And, you know,
that's your responsibility

and I need you to have the
design team have that on my desk

no later than tomorrow, okay?

Right.

Okay.

Halloween can be a very challenging
holiday for these kids.

Exactly.

There's no question.

Okay, so we just never
go out in the world?

We just sequester
ourselves in our house?

What would you say would be the biggest
challenges for Max with Halloween?

Candles. The people.
Fire.

The scary costumes.
He's uncomfortable with fire.

But he has...
That is a massive understatement.

Look, this is important to me.

Right.
This is our family's holiday.

That's because
your family's insane.

It's one holiday that we have where
there isn't any family drama.

And I would like my son
to be a part of it...

Actually, guess what?
Okay.

A few years ago,
I celebrated Halloween.

I didn't want
Max to feel left out.

So we sort of made a game out of it.
Okay?

We turned off all the lights and we all
hid from all the trick-or-treaters.

We went upstairs and we played a
game of Monopoly with a flashlight.

All right, Doc, listen.
Bottom line, do we or don't we?

You know, if Max
wants to try this,

why don't you follow his lead?

All right.
Are you kidding?

He's never done this before.

And I understand and your
concerns are completely valid.

But if Max is truly
motivated to try this,

that's an opportunity that
you don't want to pass by.

I think the key to
this is preparation.

Preview for Max as much
as you possibly can.

Let him know exactly what he's going
to be getting into ahead of time.

All right.

Keep it small. I think probably best
just the three of you this year.

Okay.
All right.

Great.

Let's just go for it.
Come on. As a family.

Okay.

Okay, it's going to be great.

All right, we're going
to go trick-or-treating.

Thank you.

This place is amazing.

Ooh, I can put a vegetable
garden out there.

Oh, you don't want to
put a vegetable garden.

Yeah, I do.

No, no, 'cause then just the dog
will run through it, mess it all up.

And then we'll have
to clean it all up.

What dog?

A dog. You know,
I mean, a new place,

a big lab maybe, named
Marley or something.

Yeah, I don't know what you're talking
about because I'm a cat person.

Groaty.
You're a cat person?

Yeah.
Cats suck.

They're always
licking themselves.

They're narcissistic.
They're kind of OCD.

Dogs are way better.
We gotta get a dog.

"We"?

Hmm?

You just said "we."

You said we should...
We got to get a dog.

No, I said,
you got to get a dog.

No. I'm pretty sure
I heard you say "we."

I don't think so. I think I said you
meaning you and Jabbar should get a...

What's happening
behind this door?

You said "we," you weirdo.

Okay, Max, I want you
to look at this.

This is a ball, but it's
really, on Halloween night,

going to be a jack-o'-lantern
filled with fire and candles, okay?

And there's going to be people around.
Loud noise...

People are going to
be bustling their way up.

I don't get it. I don't want a trick,
so shouldn't I just say treat?

Or just like,
"Give me candy?"

Well, yeah, but, honey,
I didn't make up the rules.

I just know what it takes
to get a mini-Snickers.

But what if someone gives me an Almond Joy?
Do I have to take it?

Well, yeah, you take it
and you're polite about it,

but you can bring it home
and maybe Dad will eat it.

He likes coconut.

Coconut looks like the saliva
that an ambush bug secretes

in order to immobilize its prey.
It's disgusting.

Who would want to eat saliva in
order to immobilize themselves?

Your dad, he loves it.

Okay, now we're here.
Knock on the door.

Okay, go. Knock.
There's no doorbell,

so when that...
Just knock hard.

There might be
an old person inside.

That's good.
Okay, and we step back.

That's good, thanks.
Oh, happy Hallow's Eve.

Oh, hi, old lady.

What a cute costume.
What are you?

What do you say?

Thank you.

No, you don't say "thank you" yet.
You say...

Trick or treat! Argh!

Oh! Ooh, scary,
take a piece of candy.

Thank you.
I love Necco Wafers.

We put this in the bag and we
don't eat it till we get home

'cause I have to check it.

Young man, would you
like a candy piece?

What do you say?

Thank you.
No, you say...

Okay, Max, if you don't say trick
or treat, I can't give you candy.

But even if I say
trick or treat,

it's not really Halloween,
so I won't get candy.

And even if it was Halloween,
there's nothing in that bowl.

It's true. We're pretending.
Except you're practicing.

There's nothing in this bowl.

Does anyone else
have to practice?

No. No.
Did you?

Why are you making me practice
when no one else has to practice?

It's just because
we're practicing, Max.

Ten stickers.

You get one sticker
and that's enough.

Sorry, Mom. I just...
I never know what to say.

I tried.

It's going to be great.

Okay, this, this is what
we need to get verified

before we can actually take it.

Hey. Turns out the
Berkeley Coffee near me

is the Berkeley
Coffee near you.

I kissed my boss.

Excuse us.
Thank you.

Hi, latte?

And come in.

Julia, I'm sure you have a million
more important things to do,

but I'm in the process of ruining
my future, can you help?

Oh, here, Eric in Accounting
usually gets something good.

Okay, you kissed Gordon?

Yes. I did.

How did this happen? My boss.
Adam's boss. The boss.

You know, he was sexy and
appealing and he's got the hair

that's like slicked back except
for when it flops forward.

Oh, Sarah.
I was powerless to stop myself.

He made me feel smart.

He made me feel like
I was doing a good job,

he made me feel,
like, for a minute,

maybe I could be with a
successful, good-Iooking guy.

You can. Yes, you can.
No, I can't, Julia.

Those guys like you, okay?

They will kiss me in the parking
lot and then never call me.

Oh, my God, I'm sorry.

I saw him at work today.
He ignored me.

Okay, I hate to quote Mom here.

But you know what she
told us in high school?

"Um, you can get pregnant in a hot
tub even if you don't have sex?"

What?
Hmm?

Oh.
She said that?

Maybe we got different talks.

What did she say to you?
She said boys are dumb.

Oh, that one.
Yes. Boys are dumb.

Well, especially the ones
I pick.

Oh, yes, I'm in your office.
One minute please. Thank you.

Boys are dumb, okay?
It's not you. It's not. Okay?

I can't ever show
my face there again.

I acted like an idiot.

What you're going to do is go back
in there with your head held high.

And you're going to give
Eric in Accounting his latte.

No.
Yes.

You're going to
hold your head high.

Let's do this.

And you're not going to let that
jerk ruin your career. Okay?

My career? Julia, I'm an intern,
and don't really have a career.

This is your shot.
Take it. Okay?

You're right.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Head up.

Thanks, dude.
Yeah, dude.

Sorry. Hi, sorry.

Hello. Come in.

All right, let me take you back here.
Focus, okay.

Let me take you back
to the beginning on this.

In 1963, I don't know
if you know this...

Oh, I love this story.

But the United States passed an amendment
to the Fair Labor Standards Act.

That gave women
equality in the workplace.

That's so exciting. That was progress.
That was important.

And then this
is just kind of...

I like it because it's pink
and that's my favorite color.

Oh, that's true.

Yeah, but it kind
of goes against everything

that we, as women, have been
struggling for for the last 50 years.

You know, it's...

It's...

It's way too cold to be
wearing that in October.

I mean, look at it.
There's like no sleeves on that, hon.

Miss California wears a fur coat.
I'll wear that.

I can't argue with that.

I really, really, really,
really, really want it.

I'm going to discuss it
with your father.

Fur coat.

She said fur coat.
Yeah.

That's what she said?

I've failed her, Joel.

And when it's my turn
to be Student of the Week,

I get to bring Marvin home
for the whole weekend.

What exactly is Marvin?

Okay, he's this big.
He has scales.

Oh, he has scales.

Well, one of the places we saw,

has a great playroom that
I'm sure Marvin would love.

You're still thinking
about that one?

The smell, that one?

What smell?

You know, that funky smell.
It's kind of hard to describe.

It's like canned soup
or something.

Buddy, you want to live in a place
that smells like broccoli soup?

Nuh-uh.

Yeah, who would?

Hey, Jabbar. I hear
the sailboat in the corner

is decorated like a pirate
ship for Halloween.

I bet if you go on the
deck, you can see it.

Okay.

But stay on the deck, okay?

Okay.

All right, what's going on?

Hmm?
What's going on?

Well, what's going on
is I don't like that place.

I think it's standard
and boring.

I like it. It's close to the Bart.
It's convenient.

Well, I thought you liked
the place with the garden.

I do, I do.
But it's $500 more than I can afford.

I don't want you to make a
decision you're gonna regret.

The place with the
garden is so much nicer.

Well, it's my decision to make.

It's my place. Right?

Yeah, right.

I'm going to go check on him.

- Hey?
- Hey.

Got a minute?
I got a conference call.

Uh, you know what, never mind.

Come on in.
I've got a minute.

What's doing?

These are the specs
you asked for.

We went over them and I
think you'll be pleased.

Terrific. Great.

What else?

Just quickly, I was wondering

if Bob Inglemar's order came
in yet, from the convention.

He just seemed so
pleased with the...

Sarah, that's not how it works.

It's a process,
negotiations, you know.

It's not like it happens all of a
sudden, poof, the very next day.

Of course. Yeah. Duh.

But as soon as there's
something to report,

you'll be the first to know when I
send out the company-wide memo.

Okay. Thanks.

I'm sorry. But after
everything you said to me...

Really?
The company-wide memo?

I'm confused.
Is there a problem?

No, I just feel like
you're being weird.

I'm running my company.

Yes, but we kissed.

We kissed, yeah.

In a parking lot.

Yeah, and it was fantastic.

And now...

Now what?

You want to know
what's gonna happen next?

No, please.
Yeah, sort of.

And you'd like to talk
about it right now?

No, no, no.
I don't know.

Sarah, look. I think you're
a wonderful, lovely woman.

Okay. Never mind. Forget it.
No, that's okay.

No, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.
Hear me out.

You don't understand.
I've got a conference call

that I'm three
minutes late for.

And to be honest...

Please be honest.

To be honest, we have
very different lifestyles.

What does that mean?

That means that you have
kids and I have a boat.

Having a boat is a lifestyle?

We're acting like teenagers.

I don't know.
Maybe I'm not teenager enough for you.

Wait, wait, wait, that's not fair.
Hey, please, Sarah. Please.

Okay. You know what, you're right.
I'm sorry. Let's forget it.

Let's forget the whole
thing ever happened.

I really like my job. That's what matters.
Let's just forget it.

Uh... I'm fine.
I'll wait for the memo.

I trust that your
father has explained to you

the importance of
the Braverman Halloween.

I mean, sure it's about
decorating the yard and scaring

the hell out of the
obnoxious neighbor twits.

But it's a lot more
than that really.

To me.

Halloween was the last holiday that your
grandmother and I got to spend together

before I shipped off to basic.

Know what that is?

Army training.

Fort Benning, Georgia.
Now there's a total hellhole.

That's a story for
another time anyway.

The point is that Camille
and I spent that Halloween

like it was Christmas,
New Year's and Easter,

all wrapped up together.

Oh, Max, we had a time.

Well, I missed a few
holidays after that.

But, see, I always had the
memory of that Halloween.

And that's why it's special.
Here you go.

What is it?

For you.

Your grandma made it for you.

Your dad has one just like it, and
Haddie, too, and now you got one.

Do you think I'll be able to
get enough candy to fill it?

Oh, Max, we are sure
as hell gonna try.

I'm gonna go test out
how much can fit.

Hey, bud.

Okay, we've got the Ehrins, the
Hendersons and the Carpenters.

They're all on board to use the safety
sticks for their jack-o'-lanterns.

Great. And I spoke with the Guggenheims.
So, that's taken care of.

Perfect. Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.

Great. Awesome.
Good job. Awesome.

Hey, look at that dog.

Huh? Aw, hi.
Look how cute you are.

Hi.
This is Morgan.

Hi, Morgan.
Hey.

Um, do you live around here?

I do. I'm just around the
corner here on Sycamore.

Okay.
Oh.

The one with the dog
house in the front.

Yeah.
Perfect.

Morgan's headquarters.

I love, love, love Sycamore.
Wow. Are you cute?

Well, listen, my husband
and I are out walking,

and we're passing
these out to neighbors

to maybe put in their jack-o'-lanterns
this year instead of candles.

My son's afraid of fire.
Oh.

Yeah. We have orange
and we have yellow.

Yeah.
He has Asperger's,

and I don't even know why he
wants to go trick-or-treating.

It's not a big deal.

If you wouldn't mind putting these in
your jack-o'-lantern instead of...

Yeah, I could put
them in the pumpkin.

There's an orange one and a...

They're okay for the dog?

Even better for the dog.

Yeah?
It's not fire.

All right.
Thank you.

Thank you.
Come on, Mack Daddy.

See you, Mack Daddy.

Okay, Daddy-O.
All right, listen.

Honey, I don't know how
we're gonna do all this.

This is impossible.
There's a house over there.

Can we just pause for a
second and note the absurdity

of trying to completely
remove fire from Halloween?

Okay, well, you know what,
let's stay home then.

We'll play Monopoly again.
That was fun.

You know, I forgot to tell
you that Julia called

and she and Joel are going
to bring Sydney over.

And then Crosby got wind of it, so
they're going to come over, too.

Honey, they can't.

Dr. Pelikan specifically said
to keep the group small.

Yeah, they're all trying to be supportive of Max, okay?
What am I supposed to say?

Anyway, the point is, that my
whole family's going to go,

I feel really guilty about
not being there, you know.

Excuse me? Hello?
Are you listening to me, guy?

Um, yes, yes. Okay, your family has
some psychotic love of Halloween.

That's what I said.
In other news.

Oh.

Joy, Howard has invited us to a frat party.
That's so exciting.

Awesome? Awesome, yes.
Where is it?

It's across the bay, and
it's going to be incredible.

No, we're not going.
Um, we are totally going.

No, no, we're not going.

I'm not going across the bay to
a frat party with Howard. No.

Yeah, why do you
say it like that,

because it's going
to be amazing.

You know, how
we've talked about

it's wrong to judge people
by the way that they look.

Right?
Mmm-hmm.

And do you know how beauty
contestants are judged?

Mmm. Talent, swimsuit
and interview.

Right.

I got the...

Well, mostly they're
judged by how they look.

And that's wrong.

So, all I'm saying is we do still
have your ladybug costume, you know,

in the case that you decide you have
moral issues with what you're wearing.

Okay, why don't we just
put this on, sweetie.

Let's see how it looks
with the tiara thing.

Okay.

Okay.

Wow.

There's my...
Okay, let's take a...

Even with the hand.
Now look at that.

Cheese.

Guys.

Oh, martini for the panda.
You thought I forgot.

I'll take those, thank you.
Trick or treat.

Hi. Hi. Wow, what
are you doing here?

Can you talk?
Um, not really.

Thanks.
I'll have a beer.

Okay.

You were completely right about
me, everything you said.

I only date younger women.
The kid thing was always a deal breaker.

And then there's the fact
that I am your boss.

We are a terrible idea.

Well, thank you so much for
coming here to tell me that.

I'll have another one,
please. Another beer.

Hey, uh, Count,
that one's for you.

One more please.
Thanks.

There's nothing I can do
about my age, you know.

And the kids I'd happily give up.
But I really like my job.

So we're at an impasse.

Then I'll have another beer.

Sweetheart, this is for you.

And another, and
another, and another.

However many it takes
to get you to understand

that even though you are
absolutely wrong for me,

I can't stop
thinking about you.

Gordon, my boss.
Maybe it's the cat suit.

You'll get over it.

I love it when
people say no to me.

I'm just going to stick around for
a while if it's okay with you.

Okay, guys,
Halloween 101.

I've got the map
out right here.

From Sycamore, right here...
Are you guys listening?

- Anybody listening?
- Yeah.

We're going to make
a right on Oak Street.

Honey, I'm fine, really.
Okay.

We're gonna cut through the
park to avoid Elm Street.

Under no circumstances are we
to go down Elm. You got it?

Okay. There's a really
scary house on Elm Street.

It is quite literally
a nightmare on Elm Street.

You know what, I know
that this seems insane,

but we're just
trying to help out Max.

No, we're 1,000% behind you.

Whatever route we need to
take is absolutely fine.

Thank you. I just want your
kids to have fun, too, though.

Honey, glow sticks,
Max is afraid of fire.

I got all of these light sticks here
because I wanted people to pass them out.

Max is really afraid of
candles and then Halloween...

We'll get plenty
of candy, it'll be fine.

Come on, let's get going,
what's the hold up?

Jeez, let's go.
Come on.

The kids are waiting.
Come on.

All right.

No Braverman left behind.

Thank you.
Thanks.

There he is. There is
my favorite Jedi knight.

So how's it going,
you having good time? Yeah?

Why do you keep asking me that?

I don't have to ask you again.

Okay, be careful. Let's see.
664 Sycamore. Ooh, here we go.

Is that on the official list?

It is on the official list.

Here we are.

Lady with green hair.
Okay, Max, now when you get up there,

ring the doorbell. Say, "Thank you.
Trick or treat."

And tell 'em what you are.
You're a cockroach.

Honey, honey. Relax.
What?

He's fine, relax.
I'm relaxed.

You don't help me
by telling me to relax.

Trick or treat!

Wait.

This is so cool.
Banana Butt, let's go.

I'm going as fast as I can.
I'm in a banana suit.

Did I drop my phone?

Why did you wear that thing?

Oh, my God.
It's funny.

It's not cute. Sorry.
Come on, seriously.

Oops, sorry.

Hey, hey,
we're looking for Howard.

Do you know him?

Yeah. I'm sure he's around somewhere.
Come on in.

Come on. Welcome.
Let me go get you something real quick.

Thank you.

He was cute. You should ask him about his
major or something when he comes back.

I can't flirt in a banana suit.

I told you to wear
something different.

That guy's disgusting.

A banana suit,
seriously, come on.

Hey, let's go on
a fun tour of the house.

We could get some smokes and a drink.
Come on.

Oh, boy.

Okay. Okay, buddy, come on.
Here we go. Excuse me.

We've seen like four places for
her and Jabbar to move into.

Well, how does
that make you feel?

Do you feel like you want
to move in with them?

Well, yeah, of course,
a part of me does.

You know, I'm going to all these houses
with her and I want to be part of all that.

Uh-huh.

But at the same time, I'll
be sitting in another house

looking at the yard
and the pantry

and all that other crap
you and Kristina have.

And that scares you?

Well, and then all of a sudden,

it's like 10 years in
the future and I'm you.

Ah.
And it's daunting.

I mean, no offense.
Yeah.

Say, "Trick or treat."
Trick or treat.

So, what, have you talked to Jasmine
about it, how you're feeling?

Nope.

Why not? What do you expect
her to do, read your mind?

Well, yeah.
It would help.

I'm emotionally stunted.
I blame Dad.

Really? I always
blame Mom.

I think she played a role,
too, in this whole package.

Crosby, I honestly
don't get you sometimes.

You've got this incredible kid.

You've got this beautiful
girl who, you know,

none of us can
for the life of us,

figure out why
she's so in love with you.

What's the problem?

I don't know, man. It's just, you know,
she moved back and forth to New York

and I don't know how I feel.

How did you know with Kristina
when it was the time?

I just felt it.

We were at this game,
eating cheese fries

and she looked at me,
smiled, and bam.

I didn't want to eat cheese
fries with anybody but her.

All right.

You don't even eat cheese
fries though anymore.

Don't miss the boat.
You're like the cholesterol cops now.

Don't miss the boat.
All right?

I eat metaphorical
cheese fries now.

Hi, here you go.
Awesome techno.

Really, not driving
me crazy at all.

Hi. What?
Talk louder.

No. Oh, Amber.

Where are you? God,
I have no idea where that is.

Text me the address.

All right, I'll be there soon.

Hey, when do you get off?

Hey, Bobby, can I get my purse?

I'll call you guys later and fill you in.
Thanks. Just cover for me.

What's going on?
Uh, kids.

You don't like them, remember?

Wait, wait, wait.
You sound like you're upset.

I am upset. My daughter's with
her supposedly perfect friend

who got so drunk she
can't drive her home.

So, now I have to go find them
at some party across the bay.

I'll take you.
Let me drive you.

I don't even know
where I'm going.

I barely even know
the city that well.

Look, come on,
I've got a super fast car.

I'm a super fast driver.
I'll get you there in a flash,

as long as
I don't get us killed.

You really are persistent.
We'll go for some after-hours sushi...

Mom, I want to
go to the haunted house.

Hey. Hey, hey,
hey, Kristina,

I thought that we were gonna
take the kids through the park.

That was the plan.

Exactly, that was the plan.
What happened?

Mom, I want to go
to the haunted house.

Yeah, some of the kids went
ahead to the big house.

Max, we're not going
to go up there.

No, no, if the little kids
can go, then so can I.

I can, too.

Max, there are a lot of
candles up there, okay?

And we know how you
feel about candles, so...

Well, what's wrong
with candles?

Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hey, kids.
Kids, come here a second.

Huddle up here.

The little kids want
to go to the haunted house.

And if they can,
then I can, too.

Okay, I think we
should just go home.

Let's call it a night.
You guys can go up there.

No, no! If the little kids
can do this, then so can I!

Okay, Max? If the little
kids can, then so can I.

Okay, you know what,
Max, you're right.

You know what?
Max is right, everybody.

Let's all go to the
haunted house together.

Is that the plan?
Let's go.

Amber!

Mom!
Amber?

Here, here, the banana.

Oh, my God.
Wow. What happened?

She's wasted. She's just like in
the pool and she won't get out.

In the pool?
Oh, God. Is she...

Please, just...
I want to home.

I'm Gordon.

Amber.

Pleasure.
Kelsey, it's Sarah, hey.

Hi, Sarah.

Hi. It's Amber's mom.
Come get out of the pool, let us take you home.

- Don't get out!
- Don't get out!

Kelsey, please
get out of the pool.

You're making
a fool of yourself.

Shut up.

Uh, Kelsey, honey,
you gotta be cold in there.

Excuse me.
Yeah.

Hold that for me.
Okay.

Kelsey, sweetie, just come up
here and let's talk about it.

It's just a boy.
It's no big deal.

- He's an idiot.
- Look at him.

- He's probably an idiot.
- Let's go home, okay?

Yeah, we'll have fun.

It'll be really fun.
Oh, my God.

- Don't get out!
- Don't get out! Don't get out!

Oh, here we go, hon.

You okay?

Wow, he's kind of amazing.

Yeah.

Just give us a couple
more seconds, guys.

All right.

None of the other parents are going up.
I'm going alone.

Right, let's just
let him do this thing.

Honey, this is not a good idea.

There are candles everywhere.

- Okay, go.
- Go ahead.

It's all good. It's all clear.
Okay, go on.

- Hey, buddy.
- All right, guys, have fun.

Max, I will be
right here for you.

I will not move.
We'll be right here, Max.

Come on, Max.
Let's go.

This is such a terrible
idea, horrible idea.

Listen, either way there was
a chance of a meltdown.

He's going to
completely lose it.

All right, look, he's
still heading up there.

Okay. Squeeze
my hand. Hold it.

Hold it tighter.
I'm holding your hand.

Come on, buddy.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

- Mom! Dad!
- What?

Yeah, yup! Right here.

Look, look, look, look.
Yeah!

Look, what I got.
What do you got?

Look, I got a spider ring.
Look, the head's kind of like a black widow,

but the body is more like a parson spider.
He got a spider ring.

Come on! Show Grandpa and
Grandma your spider ring.

You got a spider ring?
That's pretty cool, Max.

Next house.
Did you get another one?

Let's go, next house.

I just had a heart attack.

He's a Braverman.

Oh, my God.

You were right about Howard,
he's such a douche.

I know. It's that name.

You can't trust
a guy named Howard.

Here you go.
You feeling okay?

I'm so embarrassed.

Oh, no, don't. Don't worry about it.
I've totally been there.

I'm sorry I threw up in
your boyfriend's Beemer.

I'm sorry.

Good as new.

I feel terrible.

Is the car okay?

It's a lease.
I got another month.

How about your suede jacket?

Uh, I'm just glad she's okay.

Thank you. I mean, really you
were just great tonight.

Oh, it was nothing.

No, I mean, for a guy who says he's not
into kids, you're really good with them.

Not really, just good
with drunk women.

My ex.

Oh.

Huh.

Well, this is my life.

I live with my parents.
I like it.

Thanks.

My son is very quiet and
withdrawn and really needs me,

but he acts like he doesn't.

And my daughter you've met.

That's kind of freaky.

You know, it oddly
doesn't freak me out.

It doesn't?
It terrifies me.

Maybe a little bit.

But you know that...
What's that girl's name again?

Kelsey.
Kelsey said,

that thing about me
being your boyfriend,

I didn't completely
hate the sound of that.

Really?

I didn't hate it either.

If I were to kiss you again,
you wouldn't get weird on me

or ignore me at work or pretend
like it never happened, would you?

Would you?

That was a terrifying
glimpse into our future.

Yeah, I don't think...
We've got a couple of years

until we have to worry about
her actually wearing makeup.

But it's coming,
right. It's coming?

Yeah. And there's not a damn
thing we can do to stop it.

Can you promise me something?

Promise me that with the next
one, time will slow down.

It will actually slow down.

I promise.

You just lied to me,
didn't you?

Yes.
Yes, you did.

Oh, I just don't want the
little kid phase to be over.

It's too fast.

I know.

Okay.
Okay.

I love candy! I love chocolate!
This is my favorite holiday!

Yeah.

You look sexy.
Thank you.

Okay. What is that?

Pretty much like
I hit a homerun.

Really?
I'll tell you what.

Next year if you want, we can
play flashlight Monopoly.

No way.
Why not?

'Cause we're officially a
trick-or-treating family now, honey.

Oh, yeah.
Max had so much fun.

I'm not going back to that.

I am so tired I can't even
remember if I gave the speech

or if I just did it in my head.

All right, it goes
something like this.

Honey, I love you.

And I want to thank you for everything
you did to make tonight work.

You're welcome.
All right?

Yeah.

And I want to thank you
for the safety lights,

for the maps,
harassing all the neighbors,

for putting up with my family,
for putting up with me.

And, I just want to thank
you for all the planning,

you know, and for the fact
that you were willing

to go see Dr. Pelikan
and go along with it.

I honestly don't know how you make
everything work all the time.

But you do.
You're amazing.

So I got you
a little something.

It's the last one.

Honey, that's very sweet.
Thank you.

I love you, honey.
Hey, thank you.

This was really sweet of you.

And I hate Halloween.
But I love you.

It's every cotton
swab's favorite candy.

- Yeah.
- What are you doing?

Are you stealing from our kid?

Are you kidding me?

Ah, this is my favorite
part of Halloween.

Oh, yes.
Mmm.

What? I got
chocolate on my face?

Uh-huh. You do.
You look super cute, though.

I can't think of anything I'd rather be
doing than sitting on the floor with you

pillaging our son's candy.

Yeah, me, too.

Hey.
Yeah.

I'm sorry I got weird
during the house hunting.

It's all right.

I guess what I should
have to you is that

I don't want you guys to move
into a house without me.

I want in.

I don't want to
live without you.

Come here,
hop up on your knees.

Why?

What are you doing?

I think I'm going...

Well, now I'm
definitely gonna...

Jasmine, aka, Pocahontas,

I've done some pretty
awesome things in my life,

jumped helicopters,
Snake River Canyon,

but nothing would be
as awesome as marrying you.

Will you marry me?