Parenthood (2010–2015): Season 2, Episode 11 - Damage Control - full transcript

Go ahead.
Are you serious?

Yep! If you tell your mother,
you're dead.

Alex is the volunteer
coordinator here.

Oh, hi.

I'm an alcoholic.

I've been in recovery
for five months.

And I'm telling you this because
relationships, romantic relationships,

just aren't good for me
right now.

Okay, Drew,
pay attention here.

This is like a very
important man lesson.

See, it's
psychologically purging.



You got the old, miserable
disgusting oil here...

Yeah, I can tell. It's kind of like...
Like popping a pimple or something.

Oh, man, you got to
get out of my head.

What is going on
down there?

Hey!
Well, nothing.

We're changing the oil
in the beast.

Well, I don't know how that's going
to look in a note to your teacher.

"Drew was changing the oil in a
60-year-old tractor that barely runs."

Yeah, I should
get going, though.

You're a mess. Go change your shirt.
You look like you work at a gas station.

Man, I can't believe
I forgot about school.

I think...
Are they starting earlier?

No, Dad, same old regular time.

Oh, well.



So, um, was he talking to you?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.
You know, I had to tell him to shut up.

Thanks for spending
time with him.

I love him.
He's my grandson, you know.

I love you and the
tractor and I love him.

Who comes first?

Tractor.
I knew it.

I'm going to school.
I'll be home by 10:30.

Whoa, Nelly.
10:30 on a weeknight?

Okay, I'll be come at 10:00.
Where are you going tonight?

Exactly.
To a friend's house, God!

Whose house are you going to?

Jenna's.

I don't know.

Yes, you do. Mom!

Okay. All right.
Okay.

Fine. Can I go?

Fine. Call me.

Great. Thanks. See you.

- I love you.
- Bye!

She's lying.
Haddie's lying?

You think?
Yep.

I think she's lying.
I think she's going to see that boy, Alex.

Well, wait a minute.
We don't know that she's lying, okay?

You know, she needs a
consequence because she lied.

What?
Max.

If she's lying she needs a consequence
or she's gonna keep lying.

I would.

How's that oatmeal?
Mmm.

Tastes kind of mushy.
Mmm.

Do you know that oatmeal is what
they call porridge in fairy tales?

Oh, my... What...
Oh.

No. Oh, no.

Oh, boy.

Oh, wait, don't touch it.
Oh! What? I got to.

Is it hurt?
Ugh.

I think it's stunned.

Well, will it be okay?

Yeah, sweetie, it'll be fine.

Hey, you know if you go find a shoe
box, we'll make a bird hospital.

He'll be fine, right?

We'll see.

Oh, babe, don't take
it in the house.

What?
No, it's not hygienic.

It's not hygienic?
No, it's not.

- Come on.
- No, it's not sterile.

Hi, my name is Alex,
and I'm an alcoholic.

Hi, Alex.

They say you have to hit rock bottom
before you can humble yourself

and give up your dependence.

They also say if you give up that
dependence, you start to feel life again.

And I'm here to tell you
that it is true,

that piece by piece, step by step, you
start to feel your life coming back.

Now, I made a friend.

And she really showed me
that I had something to offer.

You know,
she showed me my worth.

I never thought that I would meet someone
that was so kind, unselfish, so caring.

So, I want to thank her.

I want to thank my sponsor.

I want to thank all of you for
reminding me what I'm fighting for.

So thank you.

Thanks for coming with me.
You didn't have to.

I mean, thank you
for letting me come.

Um, your friend who
you were talking about,

it's me, right?

Yes, of course it is.

I feel really lucky.

Hey, Jabbar,
what happened in your room?

Did something explode in there?

Um... No.

No? Did you see his room when
you were getting him dressed?

Clothes, toys, crayons
everywhere. It was a mess.

I didn't notice.

Jabbar, you've got to be more
responsible with your things.

Put them away when
you're done using them.

I wasn't done using them.

If you're going to bed,
you're done using them.

I need you to get up right now, go
in there and clean up your room.

Get some done
before school. Let's go.

I guess your mom wants you
to do it. You'd better go.

"I guess your mom wants
you to"? What's that?

You should want him to, too.

And by the way, a shrug doesn't
constitute having my back on this.

I don't think I shrugged.
But I don't...

No, you totally shrugged.

Okay, well, I'm sorry if
I don't think it's important

for a little kid
to clean his room.

I mean, he's a little kid.
It's just going to get messy again.

All right, he has to
learn responsibility.

Okay.

And that's our job as parents
to teach him that. Okay.

Okay? We need to be
on the same page.

We have to discipline him.
I need you to back me up on that.

Okay.
Okay?

We're a team.

You know, this is good,

but Judge Gayner's a hardass.

I need you to find evidence that they were
actively involved in the infringement.

Knock-knock. Hey, sorry.

Hi. Um, what are you doing?
Why... Why are you here?

I'm sorry. Okay, anyway,
you've got that, right?

You're all over it?
I'm on it.

Okay. Yeah, you should take
lunch anyway. Hi. Okay.

Why... Why are you here?

"Hi, Sarah. Great to see you. Are those cupcakes?
What an unexpected treat."

All of the above.
And why are you here?

Well, because I have some exciting
news and I brought us some lunch.

Okay. Let's hear it.

I made a New Year's resolution,
one I can really keep.

Cool. What?

I've decided I'm never going
to date anyone ever again.

Good.
Right?

Because I want to
have fun this year

and my relationships
are not fun.

Ergo, to wit, don't have any.

I'm using a little legal
jargon there for your comfort.

Mmm-hmm.
I noticed that.

I'm going to do fun things.
I'm going to go to museums

and, uh, you know, read more.

I'm going to have a girls'
night out with my sister.

When was the last time
we had a girls' night out?

I don't know that we've ever
had a girls' night out.

Come on.
Wouldn't it be fun?

You're asking me to hang out with you?
Is that what's happening?

Yes. Do you want to party
like it's 1999 or what?

Okay.

That's kind of my 13-year-old
fantasy coming true, actually.

It is? Did you think
I was so cool?

Yeah.
Aw.

We get to hang out,
my cool older sister.

Well, now I think you're cool, and
I really need you as a friend.

So, what do you say?

Okay. Good.
We're going to have fun.

Yo, Holt, catch!

Whoa, nice catch.

What's up? How was
your baseball camp?

Aw, dude, it was awesome.

That's good, I guess.

Yeah, man. And it got me away
from those crazy relatives,

which I could not be
happier about.

Yeah.

Um, so what did
you end up doing?

I actually spent time
with relatives.

I'm so sorry to hear that.

No, that's fine.
My grandfather's cool.

He let me drink beer and stuff.
And we just hung out.

Wait. Shh. Wait.
Your grandpa let you drink?

Oh, yeah, totally. He always has like a
case of beer in his fridge in the garage,

and we go back there
and chill out.

He just let you...
You guys just drink casually together.

Uh, yeah.
That's awesome, dude.

It's so rad.

His grandpa has got
a bar in the garage.

I think that that sounds
like a field trip.

Yeah, it does.

Well...

That'd be cool

if we came over after school

and, um, got some brewskies?

Yeah, totally.

Rock on, man.

Hell, yeah. Party.

You're awesome.
Yeah.

This is going
to help you, little guy.

Well, crap.

Oh, that's dead.

Oh, man.

How's Amelia?

Oh, uh, she...
She's great.

She just, uh, drank some water.

And now she's, um, sleeping.

Shh. We should be quiet then.

Come on up into my room
and play.

Okay, good idea.

You'd never know it because she's
always wearing that green dress thing,

but Miss Watson is super hot.

Miss Watson?

Yeah, I saw her last summer playing
volleyball in booty shorts.

She pulls it off.

Nah, I'm all about
Miss Gonzales.

Oh, that's true.

They should not let 28-year-olds
teach Spanish to high school dudes.

Every time she rolls that "R"
I can't concentrate.

I just want to get right under
that tongue and...

Uh, I wouldn't really mind
being in one of those

teacher-student sex scandal
things with her.

Yo quiero sexo
with Miss Gonzales.

Is that even Spanish?

You're full of it, dude.

How would you conjugate "Let
me see you naked," in Spanish?

I don't think that's really...
I failed.

Shut up. BRADLEY: I'm going
to let you all know.

Yeah, yeah, I think
that would be...

Hey.

So, guess what?
The bar is now closed.

I didn't see any cars
in the driveway,

so I guess you'll be
walking home, correct?

- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.

Okay.

I'll see you after school.

- Peace, man.
- Sorry.

Hey, gringo,
you got my beer there.

Sorry, sir. Later.

Grandpa, I'll pay you back
for these if you want.

Grandson, when I gave you
that beer at Thanksgiving,

this isn't what I had in mind.

I know.
I totally know that.

Drew, you look at me.

You are such a good kid.

Now, you don't need to
impress anybody.

You hear me?

All right.

And I don't want this
to happen again.

All right?
Okay.

The thing is, you never know
what's going to be in these boxes.

Why? What do you mean?
Excuse me.

People will donate anything.

We got to go through
these boxes and figure out

if people actually
wear these clothes.

Why? What's like the weirdest
thing that you've found?

You know, this rates up
in the top five at least.

That does?
This is hot, right?

That's disgusting.
That's disgusting.

You know why?
It shouldn't be in here.

This is not clothing.
This is so weird.

I mean, somebody wants,
um, clothes...

This shirt is horrible.
Like my grandfather would not even...

This stuff is horrible.
Hey, Dad.

Hey. Hi.
What are you doing here?

Well, I was in the area
and I wanted to stop by

and see where you've been
spending so much time.

Right.
Yeah.

Alex.

Adam Braverman.
Nice to meet you, Mr. Braverman.

Pleased to meet you.

Oh, you can just call him Adam.

You have a great girl.
She's been a huge help to me around here.

Well, thank you very much.
She's a good kid.

Okay. Uh, I was going to
take the bus home,

but since you're here,
why don't we just go now?

Okay.
I'll see you.

Nice to meet you, Alex.
Nice to meet you, too.

See you.
Bye.

Dad?

Say, Alex?

I was wondering if you'd like to
come over some night for dinner.

Dad, he's really busy here.
One... One second.

You know, I'd...
I'd actually love that.

Yeah?
Yeah, a lot.

How's Wednesday?

Wednesday works.

Great, see you then.

See you then.

See you then.

Come on, honey.

Hey, Haddie, I'm going to
go to the market today.

What do you think your friend
would like for dinner?

Hey, it's your thing.
You should really go wild.

Well, I know, but...

We don't want to
double up on anything

you guys make
at the soup kitchen.

Like soup.
No soup.

No soup. Just kidding.
Real funny.

Mom, are you going to
make something weird?

Because usually when guests come
over, you make weird stuff.

I don't cook weird stuff.
We don't want to make

anything weird.
Who's the guest?

We're gonna make something nice...
It's nobody.

Who's the guest?

Just somebody I work with
that Dad wants to come over.

Is it the boy from the food
bank that you lied about?

Okay, great.
Okay, stop this.

No! No hitting!
Hey, hey, hey, hey.

That's uncalled for.
You don't have to shove your brother's head.

Exactly.

- We were playing.
- How about rosemary chicken?

Fine.
All right.

Things look sad
when they're dead.

Great observation, honey.

Mortality makes you snippy.

I just feel
uncomfortable lying to Syd.

Well, all right,
we'll tell her.

Yeah? Good.
Yeah.

What should we say?

I was thinking something
along the lines of, um...

"The bird is dead."

Do you like that?
Uh, yeah, well, that's a little harsh.

Well, what else can we say?
I mean, it's nature. It is harsh.

Well, does she need to know at
age six that nature is harsh?

If Syd lived on a farm, she'd
have seen death 100 times by now.

Let's move to a farm.

She's so innocent and happy
and she doesn't understand.

It's just...

Who wants to bring that
little surprise to the party?

Well,

if we bring up heaven,
it will be a lot less scary.

No.

I mean, I know you and I
are probably not going, but...

Funny. What exactly are you
going to tell her about heaven?

The normal stuff.

You mean the made-up stuff?

Yeah, the made-up stuff.

I don't want to lie to her.

You don't know that it's lying.

You don't know.
Well, exactly.

You don't know. That's the point.
That's what faith is. You don't know.

Is Amelia awake yet?

Hi, sweetie.
There she is.

No, she's still asleep.

She's sleeping a lot.

Yeah.
Yeah. Mmm-hmm.

You know, um, birds, when they're
recovering from a concussion,

which is what
Amelia is recovering from,

they do tend to sleep a lot.

Tons.

I mean, a day or two days.

Even three is not uncommon
for a bird. Yeah.

And because glass is so hard

and their brains are so
very, very soft.

Okay, but I can't wait
till she wakes up!

Mmm. Yeah.

Me... Me too.

Get out of here, guys.

Okay, time for school.

Bye, Daddy.
Goodbye, turnip.

Love you.
Love you.

Have a good one.

- This can't go on!
- I know.

Hey, your mom's
going to be home soon.

You want to clean up
your room a little bit?

After I'm done playing.

Excuse me?

After I'm done playing.

Oh, yeah,
when's that going to be?

When you're 11
and start liking girls?

What?

All right, listen. Let's have a little talk.
Let's have a little man talk.

All right.

Okay, now I don't want to do
that generic dad thing

and bark orders at you
or bribe you.

I want to talk to you
like a man.

I mean, you're a mature young man.
I think we can talk about this logically.

Can we have a man talk?

Mmm-hmm.
Okay.

You don't like cleaning your room. I get it.
I don't like cleaning my room either.

But it's important. Hey, look at me.
It's important to your mom, okay?

So, that means we got to do it.

'Cause our job as guys, we got
to make our ladies happy.

All right?
Okay.

Does that make sense?
Mmm-hmm.

Okay, good.
So, you'll clean up your room?

Yep.
Okay.

All right. You know what?
I'll even help you this one time.

But then you got to do
it yourself after that.

It will be our secret.

Secret on three?

One, two, three. Secret!

All right. Great.
See, that's how you communicate.

You make a plan
and you get it done.

Just two guys teaming up on a hard job.

The work just blows right by.

Hey.

Hey.

Oh, hey, I heard you had
some of the guys over.

- Grandpa told me.
- Uh, yeah.

What were you guys doing,
making trouble?

Look, Mom, it wasn't that big
of a deal, okay? We just...

What?

We had a few beers.
No one was drunk or anything.

What?

Nothing.
No, I'm...

Look, Mom, I had the guys over.

Who gave you beer?
Nobody.

I knew that it was
in Grandpa's barn.

So, I invited them over
and we had a few beers.

And, I mean, me and Grandpa
had a beer on Thanksgiving

and I told them about it and they
kind of invited themselves over.

And, I don't know, they were
just using me, obviously.

So, Grandpa gave you
a beer on Thanksgiving?

Uh, yeah.

Okay, well, you're not to
have them over again.

Look, Mom, can we
talk about this later? Sorry.

- Hey, Dad?
- Yeah?

Did you give Drew
a beer at Thanksgiving?

Yeah.

Yeah, and I gave one to Adam and
Crosby at about the same age. Why?

I really wish
you hadn't done that.

And I hope you won't
do that again.

Well, sweetheart, I don't know.

I think it's a good idea to teach
guys how to handle alcohol

before they go out there and
make idiots out of themselves.

Maybe that was okay
for Adam and Crosby,

but they didn't have a
father who was an alcoholic.

Well...

I don't know if Seth
was an alcoholic.

I know that he was a self-indulgent
bum who couldn't get a job.

Seth is an alcoholic.

Seth is a drug addict.

And you should have told me you
found those guys in there drinking.

Okay. Okay, now,
wait a minute here, now.

I shut it down, honey.

I handled it. So, I really don't
see what the problem is here.

The problem is that I chose an addict
to be the father of my children

and I worry every day that
they have that in them, too.

So, please,

let me handle this, okay?

Okay.

Thank you.

Let me answer the door.
No, we'll get the door.

Just let me answer it.

We got it. We got it. We got it.
We got it. We got it.

Hi, Alex.
Hey.

How are you guys doing?
Hi, how are you?

Thanks for having me.
Hi, I'm Kristina.

- Hello. Pleasure.
- Nice to meet you.

It smells great in here.
I cooked all day.

Um, thank you.
You didn't have to bring flowers.

Well, they're not actually for you.
They're for your mom.

Oh.

You're kidding.
That is so sweet of you. Thank you.

Is this Haddie's boyfriend?

Uh, this is my brother, Max.

Hey, what's going on?
I heard a lot about you, little man.

You're black.

Sorry. I'm sure Haddie
told you about Max.

Max, that is not polite.

No, it's quite all right.
You're absolutely right. I am black.

Technically a little brown.

You know, my uncle Crosby
is marrying a black woman,

and they have a son
who is half black.

And if you and Haddie had a kid,
he'd look just like Jabbar.

Oh, God. We're going to go
and check the chicken.

Jabbar would have a twin.
Wouldn't that be so awesome, guys?

That's probably not
going to happen tonight.

Yeah, probably not.

So, the cool thing
about the Hercules beetle

is that it's
sexually dimorphic.

Mmm, I knew there was something
special about that beetle.

Now, the female Hercules
beetle does not have horns.

It's larger bodied,
but shorter than the male.

Yeah, I have a book in my room
that shows you the difference.

Well, that's cool.
I want to see it.

You know, I like bugs, too.

I had to live with them
sometimes growing up.

Why?

Because bugs tend to
live in old buildings,

buildings that haven't
really been taken care of.

Oh, you're poor.

Max.

I'm so sorry.

- It's all right.
- I prefer honesty in people.

So, Alex, how did you get
involved with the food bank?

Um, that's a funny story.

I used to eat there.

Really?

Yeah. The place
saved my life.

Wow. That's something.
Yep.

Yeah, um, my mom passed away
a few years ago, and it was...

I'm sorry to hear that.

I'm really sorry.
I didn't know that.

Thanks. No, it's okay.
I'm all right. It was a while ago.

But my dad...

He never really recovered.

He was in a bad place.

Had some demons
he couldn't get rid of.

He wouldn't get help.
So, I ate quite a few meals there.

Wow.

That must have been
a difficult time.

I mean, it was.

But you can't make people's
choices for them, right?

So, when I was 16,
I emancipated myself.

Mmm-hmm,
which was really brave.

Wow, so you've been living like an
adult since you were Haddie's age?

Sixteen.
Mmm-hmm.

Wow.
Very impressive.

Thank you. Thank you.

I mean, to be completely honest, I had
no idea what I was getting myself into.

But I'm in a good place now.

I'm getting my credits together
to finish high school,

I'm managing the food bank.

What I really want to do is have
a career in social services.

Or politics, remember?

Or politics, but I really want to
give back to the system first.

- I know. But, I mean, we talked about...
- You would do well.

I... I guess.

Do you want to go to college?

College?
Yeah.

I'd like that.

I'd have to figure
some things out first.

Mmm-hmm.

But right now I really want to get
through a year on the program.

What program?

I'm in AA.

What does that mean?
I've heard it before.

It's, uh, Alcoholics Anonymous.

So, you're an alcoholic.

Well, not anymore.

Well, you're always
an alcoholic,

just, uh, I've been
sober for six months.

Good for you.

Um, yeah,
this is really boring.

My bug book would be so much
more interesting than this.

I am going to go get it.

All right.

I just got my six-month chip.

Haddie went with me.
She did?

Mmm-hmm.
- Congratulations.

That's great.

You should be really proud of yourself.
That's tough to do.

Good for you.

Um...

I'm solid.

I want you guys to know that.

I get that you guys
are parents,

and I understand how crazy
all this must sound.

But you go down the road you
go down when you're younger.

You learn what you
learn from...

From watching, imitating what you
see, what's right in front of you.

But when you grow up,

you get to make
your own choices,

choices that are going
to define who you are,

you know, your morals, what you will
stand for and what you'll fall for,

who you want to be.

Well, I want to be completely
honest with you guys.

So, thank you
for letting me be.

Thank you.

Thank you for being so honest.

All right, honey?

Hmm?

I was very impressed with him.

Mmm-hmm.

Just the way he handles himself
is incredibly mature and decent.

Yeah.

I agree.
He's been through a lot.

Yeah, it's amazing
how grounded he is.

Mmm-hmm. He's a great guy, honey.
He's charming.

He's sweet.
He's very nice to Haddie.

He's a very hard worker.
He's very sincere.

He's obviously a smart kid.
He's very smart.

He's gracious.

I mean, he lives by himself.

He lives like an adult.

He has his own place.

He didn't finish
high school, either.

Well, he's working on that.
I know. But still.

Look, I give him a lot of credit
for that and for getting sober.

Yeah, I do, too, but...

But all of that is just...
It's too much to put on the plate

of our 16-year-old
daughter.

I completely agree.
If she were 21 years old, different story.

Totally different.
Completely different.

But she's not 21.
She's 16.

And...
That's way too young.

We have to tell her tomorrow.

It's better to end it now than to
let it continue and get serious.

It's the right thing to do.

Definitely.

She's gonna hate us.

She died?

When?

Uh, just like an hour ago.

Yeah.

Maybe if we put water on her,
she might wake up.

Actually, sweetie,
no, that's...

When you die,

that's it.

Forever?

Yeah.

Well, that's sad.

It is...
It is sad, bug.

It is sad.

So, everything dies?

Yeah,
pretty much, hon.

But, you know, um...

That's kind of the beauty
of the world, you know.

It's not...
It's not permanent.

Are you and Daddy going to die?

Am I going to die?

Not for a really,
really long time.

Yeah.

Like 100 years.

I don't want you to die.
I would miss you.

Well, you don't have to, because
we'll see each other in heaven.

Heaven

is a beautiful place,

and that's where you go
when you die.

It's peaceful there

and it's happy.

And everyone that you love,

everyone that you miss,

is there waiting for you.

You know, I don't know if you
remember this, but, um...

When you were really little,

Daddy's mom died.

And she's there.

And you get to see
her when you go

in 100 years.

- Okay.
- That sounds good.

Will Amelia be there?

Yup. Absolutely.

She's probably there
already with your grandma.

Okay.

You just like her because
she has big blue eyes.

Hey, you guys...

No. She likes you.
It's so obvious.

I could hook something up for
you, if you're interested,

'cause I think it's gonna...
I'd have to know...

happen within the next year.
...she felt the same.

She does. I'm telling you, I talked
to her about you... You guys...

I don't know when the right time
is to bring this up exactly,

but I've been wanting to talk to you.
She's really cute,

but just make sure you're not
settling because... Hey.

When am I... I'm not going...
Hey, you guys, I want to...

I want to talk to you
about drugs and alcohol.

- Yeah, okay.

Really?
Sorry, it's a little late.

I know you know everything.
I know how smart you are, okay?

- She's on both right now.
- I just want to say,

you know, 'cause, Drew, when that
thing with the beer and stuff...

What thing with the beer?
You drinking beer?

I haven't told you...
I drank a beer.

You could have sent me a text message.
Listen, you guys, please.

What?

Your father had problems
in this area.

A lot.

And, you know, that can be

a hereditary kind of problem.

You have to be more
careful than other kids.

You know that, Drew?
Yeah.

Do you understand?
Yeah.

Do you hear me?

Yeah, I think I hear you.

You have to be careful.

I'll be careful.

Jabbar, I'm really proud of you.
Your room looks beautiful.

Daddy cleaned my room.

He said it was our secret.

Oh, he did, huh?
You cleaned his room?

Uh, no, that's not...
I just helped.

No, you did the whole thing.

Well, no, it was a team effort

that I might have
done the most of.

Finish up with this, okay?

Okay.

That is totally not cool.

That's not cool.

I did not mean to do it.
It just happened, okay?

It was the easiest thing to do
in the moment.

"Easy" is not good parenting.
And easy is lazy,

and you're teaching
him bad habits.

Oh, I'm a lazy, bad parent...
I didn't say you're...

because I don't think a dirty room...
...a lazy, bad parent.

For a 6-year-old is a big deal?
I think it's stupid.

This has nothing to do with a
clean room or even him! It's you!

You won't discipline!

You always want to be liked and
be the good guy and leaving me

with the dirty work.
That's not fair.

You're not his friend,
you're his father.

- Even like a restaurant that has a bar.
- We don't have to...

Yeah! That's number two.

Or we could go to a club
and dance or something.

We'll find someplace to go, and
we'll have a lot of fun. Yeah!

And guess what?
Wherever we are going...

Yeah...
I will be drinking some more.

Mmm.

Because I am not pregnant.

Okay.

Yup. I've actually... I've been...
I've been trying for four months.

Hmm.
Um...

This is going to be better, right?
This is...

Very nice.
Thank you.

I don't know, the
real kind of bummer

is that I keep thinking
that I am pregnant.

And then I...
I start to get all sentimental,

and I think that
there's actually...

There's a baby inside of
me, and then it kind of

breaks my heart every
time there's not. So...

Anyway... When did it get
so hard to get pregnant?

I wasn't really intending
it either time, so...

Right. See, that's all I need to
do, not want to get pregnant.

Dad gave Drew a beer the
other day, and I realized

I have to tell them

what the real story is,

that their father could
be missing for days at a time,

and he wasn't "on tour"
like I said, you know.

I just don't know

when to tell them
how bad it actually was.

I don't want them
to be afraid, you know.

Yeah.

How much truth
is too much truth?

Yes, or enough,
but not too much.

You know, this whole thing,
again, with Sydney

and the afterlife and the
death and the bird...

- Bird?
- Bird.

Why did that dumb
bird have to die?

I mean, couldn't it have just healed itself?
Would that have killed it?

Birds are
so self-centered.

Yes.

And then, poor Joel has to deal
with me being so controlling,

which I hate about myself, but what...
I mean, what are you gonna do?

You should get those control
issues under control.

Thanks.

You should really
control those better.

Uh-oh.

Hey, it's okay to come in?

Mmm. Yeah.
Yeah.

- Hi, boss.

- Now that's interesting.
- What?

See, I keep walking into
different rooms in my house

and finding people drinking.

Should I be
taking it personally?

Is it a bad time?
Come in, Dad,

- and have a drink.
- Right.

I will get you a drink.
Okay.

That's what I will do.

We okay?

So,

how much do you want?

That's good. Phew.

Okay,

may I say something?
Please.

You two ladies have done
an incredible job

being parents.

And

I am so proud to have you
two beautiful girls.

Thanks, Dad.

Dad...

We're supposed to be partying
right now, not crying. Jeez!

It's girls' night, Dad. We're supposed
to be thinking about boys and lipstick.

- I think I should go with you.
- I do, too.

I think you should
get all gussied up.

Let's go dancing.
We'll take Dad dancing.

Yeah.

Your mother and I had a
long talk last night,

and we have decided

that it's best if you
don't see Alex anymore.

Uh, is this because he's black?

Haddie, come on.
Absolutely not.

Your mother and I are not racists.
Not at all, honey.

Um... Then, I... I...

Why? 'Cause I...
He was sitting here,

and you liked him. I saw you liked him.
We like him very much.

He's a wonderful person, but it's just...
Right.

So what's the problem?

We feel that
he's too old for you.

He's just... He's...
He's too grown up.

You know, he has no

parents in his life and...
What does that mean?

So? He doesn't even have
a high school diploma.

So? I give him a lot of credit
for working on it right now.

The AA thing is scary.
But this is too adult

a relationship for you.
The fact that he is in AA is scary.

What do you think
is gonna happen?

I'm not comfortable with him
having his own apartment.

Why does it matter what
you're comfortable with?

- I feel comfortable...
- Because we

are your parents, honey.
...and I feel happy.

- We're your parents.
- No, I don't care!

Why do you guys get to tell
me what I get to do? We know

what we're doing.
This came out of nowhere!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, this conversation is over.
No! No! Wait, please!

Please, wait! What? Please!
We have made our minds up.

You are not to see
Alex anymore.

We're sorry.

Great.

Pathetic.

We didn't party
like it was 1999.

We didn't even party
like it was 1998.

Shh!
You shh.

Good morning! Hey! Ow.

How was girls' night out? Ugh.

Pathetic. Ow!
We didn't make it out.

We didn't make it
out of the house, Dad.

Uh-huh.

How come you're not hung over?

Oh, come on. That was girly drinking.
Amateur hour.

Okay.

Oh, this is hazelnut.
Man! God!

I hate hazelnut.

He's right. We're
flavored-coffee- brewing losers.

Okay, I'm gonna go home, so my
husband can make fun of me.

Okay, but we're gonna do
this again next week, right?

Yeah.
It's girls' night.

It's the year of fun.

It's the year of fun, right?

Whoo-hoo.

Hey!

Head 'em up.
Move 'em out.

Where are we going?

I don't know, getting some air.
We'll go take a hike,

whatever we want to do.
All right.

I know we're gonna get in that truck.
I know, we'll go have some coffee

because men drink coffee.
You understand that?

Uh, yeah, I guess.
It makes sense.

I mean, not all male
bonding is done over beer.

Yeah.
You know, a lot of it is,

probably way too much of it.

Yeah, but here's the important thing.
Mmm-hmm?

Men don't squeal
on one another.

Right?

Um, okay.
Even under torture.

What are you talking about?

You're like a little
Chatty Cathy.

Here, hop in.
I'll explain it to you.

Hey.

Hey.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Oh, honey,

I wish my mom was here to see
how great she's turning out.

Aw.

Yeah, I know.

And I...

I like thinking
about her in heaven

with that stupid bird.

I kind of hate you for that.

Well, I love you.
Come here.

Holy mackerel,
you're sweating alcohol.

Mmm-hmm.

How much did you guys
drink last night?

A lot.

Yeah.
You look good.

Oh, God.

You look really good.

Jabbar, I just got
a call from a walrus

who wants to know when we're
gonna be getting to the zoo.

Oh, my... Buddy,
what happened in here?

It was just clean.

You could clean my room again.
It could be our secret.

No, no, we're not doing
that again, buddy.

I'll clean it up after the zoo.

No, you need
to clean it up now.

No!

Okay.

Yes. You... You have to clean your
room now or we can't go to the zoo.

All right?

Listen, Jabbar, you have to
clean your room right now

or we're not going to the zoo.

I'm not going to do it!
Hey, look... Don't...

Oh, then we're not
going to the zoo.

That's not fair!
Yes, it is fair.

What's not fair is me letting
you just go through life

thinking that someone's gonna do
everything you need doing, okay?

That would make me
a crappy dad.

Fine, I'll clean it.

Okay, I'm cleaning.
No.

Buddy, it's too late.

It's too late.

Please, Daddy, please.
I really want to go.

No. I was very clear. Okay?

Please. Look,
I'm cleaning. See?

Cleaning.
No, buddy, I said

now we're not going, okay?

You're a meany!

Okay, stop throwing your stuff.

I hate you! You're so mean!

You're the worst.
Mmm! Mmm!

I hate you!
You're the meanest dad in the world!

You're a meany!

Hey.

Hey. What's up?

So, what happened?

What'd they think about me?
Did... Did I pass?

They thought you
were really impressive.

Impressive?

I mean, that's it?

They loved you.

Okay. All right, great,
'cause I liked them, too.

You have a really
awesome family.

Lunch is in an hour.

Do you wanna go give Donna
a hand in the kitchen?

Yeah.

Okay.