Parenthood (2010–2015): Season 1, Episode 9 - Perchance to Dream - full transcript

Adam has his hands full when Kristina goes back to work and leaves him with Max and Haddie for the weekend. Along with taking care of his own kids, Adam gives Drew girl advice when a school dance approaches. Sarah tries to get Amber excited about college by taking her to an event on campus and unexpectedly runs into an ex. Meanwhile, Julia attempts to teach Sydney a lesson about lying and Crosby takes Jasmine on a real date without Jabbar.

You will never guess
who I keep running into.

- Jim Kazinski?
- Oh, Jim Kazinski...

- He was real cute.
- Oh, my God.

- You're more beautiful
than I remembered you. - Really?

- Stop talking.
- You got it.

- It's not me, it's you.
- Exactly.

It's not you, it's me.

- Daddy, this is Steve.
- It's really good to meet you, sir.

Wazzup.

It robbed me of 5 years of my son's life.

Why don't you join me in the ***.
There's something I wanna show you.



Well, you wanna tell me
how this happened, Bug?

You know Skippy from next door?

He ran right in and knocked it down.

Huh.

You know, the *** don't have
a dog anymore.

Skippy came back.

Skippy's...

Skippy went to the country
after that thing with the car.

- I don't think he's coming back.
- Well he did.

Joe, don't. Whoever broke it,
will clean it up.

- Skippy doesn't know how to clean, mom.
- Skippy didn't break the vase, Bug.

Yes he did, I saw him.

There's no excuse for lying.

- But you're a liar.
- No, baby, I'm a lawyer.



***'s mom said that
they're the same thing.

Just tell me the truth.
Did you break the vase?

No. Did you?

Hey, is that *** test today?

Oh, um, uh, no,
no, it's actually Monday.

- Cool.
- Yeah.

Look. Let the games begin.

Let's just use the dance money
for like a..

- Vending machine or something.
- Actually, I was gonna go.

- I mean why not, right?
- Yeah, yeah.

- See ya.
- Okay.

Does it even matter
what I wear to a school dance?

Of course it matters cause Lindsey is there
and you had a crush on Lindsey for forever

and you were like in love with her and if you
don't look nice she's not gonna be into you

- And she's not gonna date you.
- I need you to pick...

- Five schools.
- Okay?

Cause you're going on your college tour
with a bunch of catalogues...

- Wait a sec, the college tour I thought
we could afford it. - Yes, no...

Well I picked up extra shifts cause
I think it's important.

- And you're gonna come work with me
tomorrow night. - Oh, at the bar?

No, we have a catering gig at ***
and it's a poetry reading

Poetry reading? Yeah, I'd actually
rather go to extra working.

Well, if you don't change that attitude
it may come to that.

- Cause I don't think you need...
- Mom!

Excuse me, why do you think that's not good?

Why do you thing that me giving

little tiny hoer d'oevres to English majors
is gonna make me wanna go to college?

Well what is it going to make you
wanna go to college?

You don't seem to feel the pressure.

You don't seem to get it,
but this is the year.

This is your junior year,
this is the year that is the difference

between "Paging dr. ***" and "Do you
want rice with that?". This is the year.

- Really? Dr. ***?
- Yes, yes, it's possible, if you just...

Just *** five schools, Amber,

Why is it so hard. That's cute, where that?

- It's cute, right?
- I already chose it.

Honey, listen, if you're gonna wear a T-shirt,
wear a blazer, you look so cute in a blazer.

Come on, you didn't even make it
to the flying *** part.

- It's too late.
- You wanna wake him up?

Come on, get him up.

There you go, buddy.

- I should go. - Yeah.
- Okay.

Oh.

Hi, honey.

Guess what. Guess what.
Guess what.

What?
Denise just called,

and she is announcing
her candidacy

for Lieutenant Governor
in Sacramento this weekend.

Really? That's great.
Good for her.

I know. It's amazing.

And she wants me to come down
and help her out.

You know, like,
help her with her speeches,

and things like that.

Just like old times, huh?

Yeah, I told her
there's probably no way

with everything
that's going on with Max,

and he's getting acclimated,
and your work--

wait, wait, wait.
You said no?

Yeah, I told her no.

But it's just
for the weekend.

Yeah, like, three days.

Well, honey,
this is major.

It's huge. I mean, you were
with her from the beginning.

So should I do it?
Are you telling me to do it?

Yeah.
Really?

Sounds to me like the future
Lieutenant Governor needs you.

Honey, that is so awesome.

I won't be gone
longer than that. I promise.

What is this?
I don't know.

Just a little
something-something

that came in the mail today.

I think
I know what it is.

I think you do too.

Yow.
Wow.

Nice.

You dirty dog.

Honey.

Woof.

I hope it fits me.

This left boob is a little bit
bigger than the right.

I like that right there.

[Purrs]

What inspired
this little bit of naughtiness?

What are you talking about?

What do you mean?

What do you mean
what do I mean?

What do you mean
what do i mean?

I mean, you ordered it.

No, I didn't.
You didn't?

No, I didn't order this.

Did you look at the package?

Did it come...

Hmm.

You can read it.

"H. Braverman."

Haddie?

Had--get it off me.

Get it off. Get it off.

♪ May God bless
and keep you always ♪

♪ may your wishes
all come true ♪

♪ may you always do
for others ♪

♪ and let others do for you ♪

♪ may you build a ladder
to the stars ♪

♪ and climb on every rung ♪

♪ and may you stay ♪

♪ forever young ♪

♪ may you grow up
to be righteous ♪

♪ may you grow up
to be true ♪

♪ may you always know
the truth ♪

♪ and see the light
surrounding you ♪

♪ may you always be
courageous ♪

♪ stand upright
and be strong ♪

♪ and may you stay ♪

♪ forever young ♪

♪ may you stay ♪

♪ forever young ♪

♪ Parenthood 1x09 ♪
Perchance to Dream
Original Air Date on April 27, 2010

Hi.

Oh, hey, honey.

Good morning.
Morning.

Hey, is Max awake yet?

Um, yeah,
I think he's just changing.

Oh, okay, good.

Oh, before I forget,

a package
came for you yesterday.

From Victoria's Secret?

It got opened accidentally.

I'm not sure how.
It just--

Mom?

Hmm?

How would a package
with my name on it

get opened accidentally?

Well, I think your father

assumed that it was for me,

so therefore he opened it.
Oh, that's really gross.

Anyway, he threw it away,
so it doesn't matter.

What?
Mm-hmm.

He was gonna burn it,
but, you know,

he figured probably not
a good idea.

Mom,
I spent my money on that.

That's expensive.

I know that you did.

That's why I rescued it.

Thank you.

So, Haddie, can I
just ask you a question?

Why would you buy yourself
a bra like that?

I'm not gonna
talk about this with you.

Okay, you know what?
That's fine.

You're gonna have to talk
to dad about it, then,

because he's really curious
as to why...

Oh, you would not do that.
Yes, I would.

I'll call him right now.

All right. What do you
want to know? Just ask.

Did you buy that bra
for Steve?

Mom...
Hmm?

You know Steve
doesn't have boobs.

I'm not gonna buy him a bra.

Don't be ridiculous.

Haddie,
did you buy it for Steve?

No, okay? I bought it
for myself, all right?

It's pretty and it's sexy,

and, I mean, I don't know
what you want to think about me,

but I'm a woman.

You have
to promise me something.

You have to promise me
that you're being smart,

and you're being careful,

and you're not having sex.

What do you think sex is?

I don't know.
Anything beyond making out, or--

that's your definition
of sex?

For you.

I think I have
to get ready for school.

Like you said,
I can't be late again.

I trust you.

What do you mean
you think you made out with her?

It's the mother
of my child.

So what, that's somehow
warped your memory?

I watched the video

of my son coming out
of her insides.

Oh, oh,
huge mistake for you.

Yeah.
Yeah.

Huge mistake.

Yeah, no man should have
to witness that unprepared.

Least of all you.
It's extreme.

Yeah, you think
you're gonna recover?

Does it recover?

Yeah.
Yeah, it does. In time.

So Kristina is...?

A--ba, ba, ba.

Okay.

What do you think?
You guys gonna get together?

You know,
I think it's safer

if we just stay friends.

Yeah, that's good.
You better play it safe.

Yeah. Good idea.

Well, look, it's not like
I can walk away from this one.

Good for you, Crosby.

But then again,
I'm only human.

She's very attractive.
So I don't know.

All right, well,
what does Jasmine

think about all this?
I don't know.

Well, have you considered
maybe asking her?

You know, I just--I wish
that we could just hang out,

you know, with no kid,
just the two of us,

and kind of
get to know each other again,

but, you know, now the cart's
in front of the horse.

It's like--
well, there is something

that people do
in situations like this.

It's called dating.
Hmm.

How's it going, Kristina?

It's--I have a couple of
choices that I think might work.

Come on.
Let's see 'em.

Ta-da! How do I look?

Um...

From the David Byrne
collection.

Who's David Byrne?
Joan Collins?

Cybil Shepherd's
lost jacket.

You're making fun of me,
aren't you?

Were you on Dynasty?

I can't do it.

It's like an episode
of Hoarders.

When's the last time
you cleaned that closet?

Oh, my God.
You know what?

My daughter has a better
wardrobe than I do.

Kristina,
let me find something.

We'll help you.
She'll help.

Oh, by the way,
guess who started buying bras.

Who?
From Victoria's Secret?

You?
Haddie.

Uh-oh.
Well, that's okay.

Yes.
Very sexy bras.

How bad is it?
What's the lace to base?

The what?
If it's really lacey,

it means she's going further
on the "basey."

What are you talking about?
She's not doing any of that.

First base is kissing.

Second base is--
what is second base?

There's a lot of lace,
but she's not doing any of that.

Okay, second base
is reading Tennyson.

Okay, stop it.
Okay.

And, um, can I
ask you guys something?

When did your children
start lying to you?

Uh, it was in the hospital,
I think.

Amber was born, and she said,
"it wasn't my vodka."

Really?
Ooh, Haddie was two.

She swore to me
that she did not

stick a little bead
up her nose,

and the doctor pulled it out

and was like,
"here's the bead."

So this is normal?
That's what kids do...

Especially in your family.

Wait. What?

Especially, you know,
she'd learn it from you.

Why?

'Cause you're a--
a lawyer.

They lie.

Okay, I'm not
gonna go into it.

Listen, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean that.

It was just a joke.

You're beautiful.
You're so successful.

You're amazing at your job.

There's no better
role model out there.

I serve liquor for a living,

and I didn't go to college,

and now Amber
doesn't want to go,

'cause I'm such
a great role model, so--

wait.
Amber doesn't want to go?

She's gotta go
to college.

I can't make her
do anything.

She's going to college.
Yes.

Okay, I mean, yeah.

You know what the problem
is for mothers?

Daughters.
Daughters.

Amen.

[Doorbell rings]

Hey, Drew.
Come on in.

Oh, thanks.
Hey, Max.

You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine, but...

What's going on?

Oh, um...

Okay, basically, there's
a school dance coming up,

and I'm really
nervous about it,

because I don't know
how to dance.

That's basically
why I'm here.

And I didn't want
to ask someone

who's gonna humiliate me,

my sister or something.

All right, Drew,
say no more.

Look, I don't want
to tt my own horn,

but when I was
in High School

people used
to call me "Fever."

Saturday Night Fever?
John Travolta?

Oh, I haven't really
seen it, but...

Doesn't matter.
Tell you what.

Come on, help me clear out
some space here.

I'll show you a few moves.

All right, now listen.

Most important thing,

you got to just relax.

You got to shut this off,

turn this on.

That's all I'm saying, okay?

I'm really trying.

Let me find
the right piece of music.

All right.
[Run-DMC's It's Tricky plays]

Just feel the music.

No...

I mean, thank you, but...
Feel the music.

No, I meant, like...

I meant more like
slow-dancing type of...

I know slowdancing,

but it doesn't matter
what the music is, man.

You just got to--you got
to feel that in your body.

Start here.
Oh, yeah, sorry.

You might feel it
in your legs, your arms,

your feet, shoulders,
your rib cage.

All over.

You know what I'm saying?

No, but not like that.

Like--like with a partner
type of--

slow-dancing type of thing.

Not like...

Hey, you guys. Drew's got
a little dance coming up.

I'm just showing him
a few moves.

You know what, Drew,

you might even want
to throw some big stuff.

You know, some of the--ho!
Ooh!

Oh, no, he's gonna
put his back out again.

No, I like it.
Come on, Drew. Get out here.

Most important thing to do
is be confident, okay?

You ask a girl to dance
with confidence,

she can't say no.

I'm sorry.
Thank you, though.

Let me show you
how it's done.

All right.
Who's ready for a party?

Uh-oh.
Did he tell you about the Fever?

Yeah.
He did?

Once you unleash the Fever,
it doesn't stop.

Whoo!

But you know what?

It's hard
not to catch the Fever.

I'm doing my best.

♪ It's tricky
to rock a rhyme ♪

♪ to rock a rhyme
that's right on time ♪

♪ it's tricky ♪

♪ tricky, tricky,
tricky, tricky ♪

you came all this way
for a sock?

Yeah, well, I just
couldn't stop thinking

about Jabbar
with one cold foot,

and then get frostbite,

and then have a limp,
and...

You know.

Thanks.

He'll, uh--I'm sure
he'll appreciate it.

Okay. Good.

Look, I know
this is kind of weird.

I mean,
we already have a kid,

and I'm kind of
doing this backwards,

but I want
to get to know you.

I want
to spend time with you.

You know?

I'd like to go out
to dinner with you and talk,

without any flying bicycles

or extraterrestrials
or kids.

You mean a date.

Yeah.

You want to do that?

Yeah. I guess.

Oh. Well, I'm only taking
a "yes," so...

Yes.

Okay.

Okay.

I guess I will
see you on Saturday.

I guess you shall.

How do I look?
Do I look okay?

Does this suit look okay?
Yeah.

It's nice, right?
Yes.

Okay, listen,
I want you to call me

if anything comes up at all.

Okay.

I need you to help dad
with Max, okay?

Right.

I trust you.

Okay.
Okay.

Max, honey,
look at mom.

I need you to be a good boy
for me this weekend, okay?

I already said--
I already said that I would.

See? Why am I doing this?
This is ridiculous.

Why am I going?

Hey, hey, hey,
it's okay.

You're gonna go,

and you're gonna kick
some political ass, okay?

Love you.

I love you too.

All right.
You sure?

I'm gonna be fine. All right?
Okay, yep.

All right.
We're proud of you, honey.

Okay.

She thinks she's going
on a pilgrimage.

Would you knock it off?

Hey, drive safely.

[Sighs] Bye.
All right.

[Cell phone rings]

Hello.

Honey?
Hi, honey.

Do not forget to defrost
the dinner that I made for you.

I won't forget.
It's meatloaf.

I won't forget.
Okay.

This is a mistake.

No, Kristina,
I want this for you.

Okay, please,
let me do this for you.

I can handle it.
I love you.

I love you too.

Get out of here.

Okay.

[Phone beeps]

Okay, I'm going.

We're good.
I'm leaving.

All right, good-bye.
I love you.

And do you know who wrote

the Declaration
of Independence?

Mm... you?

No, not me.
Thomas Jefferson.

You heard of him?
No.

Okay.
Well, he was one of

the founding fathers
of this country,

he was our third President,

and you know what else
he was?

Mm, no.

He was a lawyer.

As was our second President,
John Adams,

and many of our
Presidents since then.

This country
was created by lawyers.

So when Harmony's mom
says that lawyers are liars,

she's not
just absolutely wrong,

she's kind of
insulting America itself.

And we're Americans?

We're Americans.
That's right.

And we're an honest people.

So think about that,
okay?

'Kay.
Okay.

'Cause telling the truth

is very,
very, very important.

Okay.

So is there anything
that you want to tell me?

Mm...

When's Jabbar coming over?

Jabbar's
coming over tonight.

Look at all these people
doing such interesting things.

You know?
Look at this.

Isn't it inspiring?
It's so beautiful.

I'll never get in here.
That's not true.

Do you know
how hard it is

to get into this school?
Well, you haven't tried yet.

I mean, just think about
all the stuff

that happened in the '60s,

and the, you know,
the nobel prize winner people

who were here.

And you just
stay up all night,

you know,
talking and thinking,

and smoke--
I mean, not smoke.

Don't smoke.

[Phone rings]

[Overlapping chatter]

So happy to be here.

Of course. Of course.

All right, heads up, guys.

Heads up for a second.

This is Kristina Braverman.

She helped me
on my very first campaign

when I ran for school board.

She helped me
write my platform,

and basically
got me elected.

Oh, I did not.
Yes, you did.

No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.

Okay.
Listen, she is a great asset.

Use her.
Thanks.

Busy.

Ugh. Thank you
so much for coming.

I was so happy
when you said you were coming.

It's been so long.

I want to hear
all about the family.

We need to catch up.
Yeah, Max is a little bit...

Have a drink later?
Yeah, of course...

Oh, my God. Listen,
I've got to go shake some trees.

I'm sorry. We'll talk.
We'll catch up later.

Good luck.

Should I sit here?
Yeah.

So what's going on?

Dude, have you nailed down
the brown endorsement yet?

Dude, I'm working
all the angles I can.

Um, I--I actually know
somebody that knows Jerry.

Let me check.
Jerry brown...

Or at least I used to...

Kristina?
Yeah. You can call me dude.

Could you
get something together

on the assemblywoman's
positions

on education
and the environment?

Um, yeah,
actually think I have copies

of her position papers
right here.

We were thinking more
along the lines of some tweets?

140 characters or less.

A Tweet, huh?

Do we have security
for her speech tonight?

All right, Max,
time to turn off that tv.

Still have 20 more minutes
of game time.

What?

Uh, wait.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold on one second there.
Max, this is what--

dad, I already okayed
this with mom, so...

I turned it off
for 20 minutes this afternoon.

You owe me.
Where are you going?

And that is not the way
that it works, and you know it.

Mom lets me.

Well, I'm not mom, okay?

And, you,
put on a jacket, okay?

Okay. Do you know
where the gum is?

No, I don't know
where the gum is.

I'm not cold really, dad.

Hey.
Hey.

Wait,
isn't the dance tonight?

Uh, yeah.
I don't know.

I'd rather just
watch the giants, you know,

and, uh, grandma's
watching project runway,

so can I just
watch the game here?

All right, Drew,
come on in.

Come on.
Drew, listen to me.

You are a Braverman, okay?

It's genetic.

You have moves.

You know what
I'm talking about?

They're in you.

Yeah, um, that's what
I'm worried about, actually.

Listen,
just go and check it out.

If it's hell on earth,
we'll come back here,

we'll watch
the rest of the game, okay?

I don't know.
It's just...

I'm gonna drive you, okay?

It's settled.
All right, hey, Haddie.

You are gonna stay home,
and you are gonna watch Max.

Okay? 'Cause I'm gonna
take Drew to the dance.

I'd like to, but I already
checked this with mom,

so I'm going to Steve's.

Drew, hang on a second.
Haddie.

Hey, let me talk to you
for a second, okay?

Look at your cousin, okay?
He is new at this school.

He's obviously feeling awkward
about going to this dance, okay?

Now, if he doesn't
put himself out there,

he could just be
an outcast forever.

For the rest of his life?

For the rest of his life.
Forever, okay?

Can you just
do this favor for him?

Watch your brother just for
one hour, all right? Tops.

Excuse me.
Okay.

Thank you.
All right, Drew.

Come on, man.

I'm gonna show you
how to use the fisherman

to reel that girl in.

Ew.
Please don't.

Hello.
Hey.

Hi, Jabbar.

We're so excited you're
spending the night with us.

Yeah.

Sydney, Jabbar's here.
Oh, yay!

Hey,
good to see you again.

I got a new
calico critter penguin.

Want to see?
Come on, let's go.

What, uh,
what's going on here?

[Clears throat]

Well, that's the vase
Sydney won't admit she broke.

So you're just
leaving it there?

For as long as it takes.

You, uh, you realize
that's insane and dangerous?

We're quite aware of that.

That's why
it's cordoned off.

For safety.

Oh.

Yeah.

Okay. Ha ha. Oh, okay.
Thank you so much.

Just feel like
the book was better, you know?

Anyway, did you see the, uh,
eggers story in mcsweeney's?

I don't read
mcsweeney's anymore.

Ever since they passed
on my last essay.

Mm.
Keep up the good work.

Oh, thanks.

I read it, actually.

I thought it was beautiful.

So funny and, you know, sad.

You read mcsweeney's?

That's impressive.

Oh, yeah, well,

I had somebody help me
with the big words.

There you go.

Thanks.

You want me to go to school
with those douches?

Well, not everybody's
gonna be like that,

and just, you know,
think of it as a way

to expand your repertoire
of obnoxious behavior.

Sarah?

Jim.

Hey. How you doing?
Oh, my goodness.

I can't believe you're here.
Jim.

This is such a--
this is, like, a sign.

Like in the alchemist,
you know?

You read that book
that I gave you?

I haven't, but I
really look forward to it.

Oh.

Um...

Thank you for coming.

Um, I had such
a nice time last time.

Yeah. It was--it's been
a while since last time.

This is my daughter,
Amber.

Oh, hey, nice to meet you.

You know,
I met your brother, briefly.

No pun intended.
What does that mean?

Well--
[Both stammering]

Jim and I
went to High School together.

It was a long time ago.

Long time ago.
You look great.

Thank you.
So, what are you doing here?

What do you mean
what am I doing here?

You don't know?

And without further ado,

our guest of honor.

[Applause]

Thank you.
You're welcome.

Thanks, Professor.
Thank you.

Well, I have a feeling
that tonight

is gonna be a very,

very special night.

Oh, boy.
Nightmare.

"the glowing, red embers

of a flame
that never burned."

[Applause]

Thank you.

Thank you.

Uh, so I have a new one

from, uh, another collection
I'm putting together.

Uh, the collection's
gonna be called

the one that got away...
Twice.

Although, after tonight,

I might re-title it
three times the charm.

This is called
orchid blooming.

"Parched ground

"welcomes the storm.

"Moist, wet petals

"slowly open,

"beckoning the thunder,

"yearning, shuddering,

"electric, lightning.

The pink orchid blooms."

It's about flowers, right?

I think it might
be about your vag.

"...Is ready
to spray its love."

Mm.
That is damn good beer.

Yeah.
Sure you don't want one?

Well, uh,
assemblyman fortunato...

Please. Matt.

Well,
you know why we're here.

We want you to endorse
assemblywoman bowser.

She's going up against
some very powerful people.

With long memories.

So let me ask you something.

Why did you run?
What do you mean?

The very first time
that you ran for office,

why'd you do it?

Well, I--I guess
I wanted to make a difference.

Mm-hmm.

You ran because
that refinery in Richmond

was dumping hundreds of gallons
of waste in the aquifer.

Remember?

See, I worked for the state
water bureau at the time,

and this man
got that plant shut down alone.

By himself. Completely.

That was a long time ago.

Dude, I know.
It was a while ago, dude.

Anyway, here's the deal.

Assemblywoman bowser, she wants
to make a difference too.

You know, her opponents
might twit and talk on--

Tweet.
It's "tweet."

T--whatever,
that pollution is bad,

but, you know, she actually has
a plan to do something about it,

a solid plan, starting with
better regulation of waterways.

You know I like her, right?

I do.
I know that you like her.

But...

The thing is
is she can't do it alone.

See, we need your help.

You know, I've never
really gotten the hang

of this whole
fork, spoon technique.

Ha. Well,
there's a trick that I learned

when I went to Italy.

And that is
order the ravioli.

Mm.
Mm?

You went to Italy?

Mm-hmm.
Just for a few weeks.

Jabbar loved it.

You should have heard him

sing o sole mio
with the gondolier.

It was really cute.

Man, I wish I had.

[Cell phone rings]

Ooh.

Sorry.
It's my sister.

Hello.

Hi. Um,
I'm so sorry to bother you,

but it's Jabbar.
I want to go home.

He wants to go home.

Okay.
He's okay, though, yeah?

He's upset about something.

He won't tell me
what's happening,

but he says
it's an emergency.

Okay,
we'll be right there.

Okay, great.
See you soon.

What happened?

Jabbar wants to go home.

I think he's scared.

Check please.

[Sighs]
All right.

Let's just drown our sorrows
in some junk food and baseball.

Should be able
to catch those late innings.

Hey, how'd it go?

Well, I took your dad's
advice about confidence.

I went up,
I asked her to dance,

and she shot me down.

Said she didn't want to,

like, leave her friend,
or something,

when I asked her to dance.

Well, you know, maybe, um,

her friend was jealous,
or something.

Like, maybe
her friend liked you.

I don't know.
Sorry. Um...

Okay, I'm gonna go.
You can't go.

Um, Max is in bed
and you're home.

Yeah, well,
Max could wake up,

and I might have to leave
on an emergency or something.

You can't go.
You have to stay here.

Dad?
Yeah.

Are you seriously
gonna keep me here

because I'm wearing
this stupid bra?

Of course not.
It's a bra, so...

Yes, I am.

Okay.

Well, you know what?

If you don't want me
to leave the house

while I'm wearing this bra...
Haddie.

Then you don't
have to worry about it.

Haddie,
what are you doing?

I'm trying
to make you happy, dad.

If you don't want me
to leave wearing this,

then I don't
have to wear it.

You can rest easy,

and I'll see you at 11:30.

Haddie, get back
in here right now.

What?
We made a deal.

Haddie,
if you leave this hou--

[door slams]

[Sighs]

Want a soda?

[knock at door]

Hi. Sorry
to interrupt your date.

I--I don't--
where is he?

Mommy, Crosby.

Hey.

What happened, buddy?

Can we go home now?

What happened?

Nothing.

What's the matter?

I just really
need to go home now.

Okay, um, is it something
you need to do at home?

Yeah.

Yeah?

I need to go poop
at home bad.

Okay.
It's--he's--okay.

Yeah.

Hey, Max,
stay in the back.

Nope! Too late.

Drew, can you ask him
to get in the back?

Listen to Drew.
Just--come on.

Hey.
Oh, hi, Adam.

Hey, is, uh, is Haddie here,
by any chance?

Yeah, she's upstairs
with Steve.

Oh.
Yeah, is everything okay?

Yeah, yeah.

Uh, we just had
a small emergency at home,

and she has to--yeah.

Oh, anything we can do?
No, no, thanks.

You mind if I just,
uh, just go get her?

Sure.
Where is she?

Okay. Just upstairs.

Upstairs?
Is that where Steve's room is?

Yeah.

[Distant rock music playing]

Hey, Adam, what's up?

Mr. Braverman.

What are you doing here?

You are coming with me
right now.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

Haddie.

Hmm?

Okay--I'm sorry.

Right now. Come on.

It's all good.
You have everything?

I'll see you later, Adam.

Mr. Braverman.

Ridiculous.
Get downstairs.

Thank you.
Thanks for coming over.

Okay. Thanks.
Okay. All right.

Bye.

Hey.
What?

Hey.
What?

Don't touch me.
Don't talk to me.

Okay, go.
Get in the back seat.

Get in the back seat.
Don't talk to me.

I don't think
I can do this.

You can do it, honey.

Yeah, aunt Julia's
is a great place to go.

You just don't
focus so much on the going.

Maybe, um--ooh,
let's sing a song.

Jasmine,
do you know a song?

I know a song.

♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪

all: ♪ round and round ♪

♪ round and round ♪

♪ the wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪

♪ all through the town ♪

♪ and the doors on the bus
go open and shut ♪

♪ and the people bust out ♪

♪ like crazy English
soccer fans ♪

♪ soccer fans ♪

[laughs]
That's not how the song goes.

I did it.

Yeah, you did it.

All right!

You did. Yeah.

Good work.
There you go. Nice job.

"English soccer fans"
always works.

[Sighs]

I can't get over it.

Jim kazinsky.

He's a published author.

He used to copy off me
in 10th grade.

That's cl.

Writing a bunch of poems

about a big loser
getting laid by a hot lady.

You know what?
That's not nice.

He's not a loser.
He's--he's such a special guy.

He might not be,
you know, my soul mate,

but he's...
He's talented.

I guess I was probably
just grossed out

that I had to hear, like,

15 billion poems
about my mother's vagoozle.

You know,
it's not the point.

The point is, this is a guy
who read Dylan Thomas

in High School
and was inspired,

and then followed his dream.

And look at what he's achieved,
you know?

I mean, that's what
I want for you, you know?

That's why I brought you
to this school.

You--you just can't
give up on yourself.

I mean,
that's living proof.

You just can't--
you can't give up on yourself.

Are you sure
you want to stay?

Yeah, we're in the middle of
chutes and ladders tournament.

Okay.
Give me hug.

Take no prisoners.

'Kay.

Come on.

Okay. You will not
hear from me again tonight.

Let's go!
Thanks.

Okay. Okay!

English soccer fans?

Yeah, well,
you started it

with the whole doors
opening and shutting.

That's how the song goes.

That's not
how the song goes.

Yes, it is.
For real?

For real.
Okay.

Well, it inspired me.

Good.

It inspired you.

You inspired me.

I inspired you?

Yeah.

Really?

Big time.

Are you trying
to use my poo song

as a way to make your move?

Yeah.

What do you think?

Um, I don't know.

Well, you haven't
really made a move yet.

Can't tell you.

What the hell
were you thinking?

Dad, what was I thinking?

I mean, what--
what were you thinking?

I told you to stay at home,
and you just took off.

Yeah, well, you were
being totally unreasonable.

Well, I don't care if
I'm being unreasonable, Haddie.

You're 15 years old

and you live in my house,

so you do what I say
when I say it.

Really? I do whatever you say
no matter what?

Yes. No matter what.

Okay, so if you tell me
to shave my head,

I have to do it?
Yes.

If you tell me to murder
somebody, then I have to do it?

Yes.
Keep it coming. Come on.

Dad, if you tell me
to burn this house down,

then I have to do that?

Yeah, if I tell you
to burn down the house,

you have to
burn down the house.

Okay.

Dad, mom told me that I
could go to Steve's house.

Then you told me
that I had to stay home

and watch Max
for a little while.

And I did.
Right.

But then you came home
and told me

that I couldn't
go to Steve's house

because you didn't like
the kind of bra I was wearing.

I admit that
that was, uh...

Inconsistent.

Inconsistent?

I'm concerned
about you, Haddie.

You are a hypocrite.

You would totally let Drew
hang out with his girlfriend.

You would drive him to hang out
with his girlfriend.

But because I'm a girl,

you treat me
like I'm 12 years old.

It's because
you're my daughter.

Okay?
And you're not wrong.

There is a double standard.

Yeah.

And it's not fair.

Thanks.

But then again,
neither is the world.

Okay, well,
that's ridiculous.

That's the way it is.

♪ Hello lazy morning ♪

mm.

♪ Oh ♪

♪ where could the sun be
this afternoon ♪

hey.

Hey.

♪ Oh look
what the sun did ♪

♪ it turned a gray to blue ♪

oh, man.
It's 10:16.

Oh, so what?

Well, I told Julia

that I'd pick Jabbar up
at 10:30.

Well, just be
a few minutes late.

We're talking about
Julia here.

You know, my crazy sister.

She'll use this
as a teachable moment.

Probably hold Jabbar hostage

until I learn to be punctual.

I probably shouldn't
go with you, then,

because Jabbar will wonder
why we're still together.

Right.
Yeah.

Right. Okay.

Um, good plan.

I will go super fast,

and then I will see you
in a few minutes.

Okay.

That was, um,
really fun last night.

I'll be back.

[Groans]

[Sighs]

Fine. I did it.

I broke the vase.

Are you happy now?

No, I'm not happy.

You won, okay?
You won.

Sweetie, it's not
about winning and losing.

It's about being honest.

You win. I lose.

I'll go pick it up.

Okay.
Dad, where's the broom?

Pantry.

All righty.

Who was that person?

I didn't recognize her
at all.

It's funny.

What is that
supposed to mean?

[Sighs]

Yeah.

Joel.

What's that
supposed to mean?

No, no,
I'm not falling for this.

You drop the Berkeley college
catalogue in front of me

and you think I'm gonna
get all excited,

but then you're gonna
break my heart

when you tell me
you decided not to apply,

so I say...

Whatever.

Huh.

So first of all,

it's not really
reverse psychology

if you tell me
what you're doing,

and, second of all,

it's not for me.
It's for you.

What are you
talking about?

I think you
should apply to Berkeley.

What?

Well, why not?

I mean, if Jim kazinsky

can get people all hot
and bothered about his poetry,

then anything is possible,
right?

Just don't give up
on yourself either, okay?

♪ It took too long
to see ♪

♪ I was wrong to believe ♪

♪ in me only ♪

hi there.

Hey.

Hey.
What ya reading?

I read that one.

How's the, uh, adjustment back
into family life treating you?

It's good.
Yeah?

Yup.
I missed you.

I missed you too.

A lot.

Mm.

So, um...
Yeah?

Denise wants me to come
with her to L.A. next week

for a couple of fundraisers.

Oh. Okay.

Yeah.
That's cool.

She also offered me
a full-time job

as her
communications director.

Uh, congratulations.
That's great.

Um, what'd you say?

Well, I told her
that I would think about it,

and I would talk to you.

So you want to do it?

Kind of.
I just--I don't know.

I mean, honey,
I--I love our kids,

and I love you
and I love being a mom.

I love all of that.

But, honestly,
when I was there,

I felt so--
I felt so alive,

and--and it was
just amazing.

It was like
I was being seen

for the first time
in so long, you know?

I get it.
I get it.

Okay?

But I want you to know
I see you.

I know.

I know you do.

But you--you see me
in a different way.

I know.

All right.
What?

So we'll figure this out.

Really?
Yeah.

Um, you know,

I'll need some help here
at the house,

and I'll, uh--
I'll call my mom.

You know,
I think that she'll be up

for staying here
a couple nights a week.

You know, I need to get
somebody on the hook

to make sure Max
makes it to all his therapies

and Haddie gets to all
her sporting events, but,

um, you know, and I can also
come home from work early

once or twice a week,

and I can start to,
you know,

work more from home
in the morning.

We'll work it out.

Get some groceries delivered.
Figure it out.

Yeah.
No, you know--

what?

Honey, um,
this isn't the right time.

I--I'm not gonna do it.
Kristina.

This isn't the right time.
Max and Haddie need me here.

I don't know
what I was thinking.

Kristina...
No, no.

I don't want you
to look back on this

and feel like you
missed out on something.

I won't, I won't.

Uh, this is a no-brainer,
you know?

I mean,
there'll be other campaigns,

and our kids are only
gonna be kids for so long.

And I can do it later.

♪ And it ain't about
losing your mind ♪

are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure.

♪ But if you happen to
that's fine ♪

all right. Why don't you
tell me about this meeting?

Um, it was awesome.

It was so cool.

I mean, you would have been
so proud of me.

I, um...

I was awesome.

I was awesome.

You should have seen me.

I was just--
I was in my element.

♪ Freely, freely ♪

♪ meu coracao ♪

♪ freely, freely ♪

♪ meu coracao ♪

♪ I'd like to live that way ♪

♪ I'd like to live ♪

♪ that way ♪