Parenthood (2010–2015): Season 1, Episode 2 - Man Versus Possum - full transcript

I'm doing the right thing,
right, Adam? Moving home?

Look, Sarah, you're
doing the right thing.

I told you we don't have
a choice. I'm out of money.

I want Daddy.

She openly prefers Joel. And it is fine.

So you're saying that you'll have
a baby with me in three years?

Yep.
- Who's this?

That's Jabbar. He
wanted to meet his dad.

They weren't
officially booked.

So, it's not going
to go on their records.

It wasn't my weed.



She thinks that
he may have Asperger's.

Kristina, I've seen
autistic kids.

The Lessings' kid,
with the hand flapping.

There's something
wrong with my son.

To Drew, and Amber, and my
shining angel, Sarah, welcome home.

Welcome home!
Here, here!

He's back.

So, your mom said you wanted
to know about your old man.

You know what, let's start
with you. You married?

No.
Hmm, okay.

You seeing anyone?

Mmm.

Mmm, keeping it
loose, I gotcha.

You know, if you're having trouble
meeting ladies, it could be your car.



What kind of car
do you drive?

I don't have a car.

You don't? Hmm. You
have your license, right?

License?

Um, those were my
three kid jokes.

I'm all out of material.

Well, um...

Oh, there's Mom.
Hi, Mom.

It's going great.

This is fun, though.

You like pancakes?

No, I like waffles better.

Okay,
let's move it, people.

Come on, I have
a meeting, please.

Dad said he
could have tooken me.

Oh, sweetie,
I want to drive you.

All right?
We're bonding.

What the fu...
Mom!

Fudge! Fudge, sweetie.
Oh, my gosh.

Here, sweetheart.
Let's see, backpack.

Oh, yeah, please, by
all means, take your time.

Go for it. I only have a meeting
with a Supreme Court Judge. So...

Oh, yeah, sure, yeah, make sure
she has her lunch box, great.

No, no, no, no, no.
Are you kidding me? No.

Mommy, who are you talking to? No.

Sweetie, you can
learn from this.

This is a bad person.

We live in a nation of laws,

and when someone doesn't follow
those laws, society breaks down.

This is so great,
so special.

It's your first day
in a new place

and it's just gonna
be all brand new

and different
than the...

Mom, please.
What are you doing?

I don't know, it was
something I was trying. No?

All right, goodbye,
I love you. Okay.

You can be the best! I
believe in you! Just be you!

Let's go, let's hit
it. Hey, did you brush your teeth?

Hey, Max!

I think he did.

Max! Max, we had
a deal, remember?

Regular clothes to school, but
the pirate costume at home. Okay?

I changed my mind.
Well, I didn't. Okay?

So, I want you back in...
Mom said.

Oh. Mom said.
Honey, I'm sorry.

We don't have time to change,
okay? I'm so... He was sad.

Well, he can't keep going
to school like that, okay?

Kids are going to
think he's a freak.

How's he going to
make any friends?

Now, I knew kids like that
when I was at school.

Once you're a freak,
you're always a freak.

I get it. Believe me, I know. I deal
with this every single day, okay?

I've tried bribing him,
pleading with him,

the bugs, buying him bugs,
and cookies, and food, and...

I'm sorry. Okay?
Okay.

I just want to get him out
of that thing, that's all.

I do, too.

I love you.
I love you, too.

Oh, wait. Honey, you know, maybe
the Lessings will have some ideas.

The Lessings.
Is that tonight?

Yeah, it's tonight. I told you
yesterday. They're really good people.

They have a son
with Asperger's.

All right. Well, it's
not dinner, is it? No.

You remember that time we went
over there and they made dinner?

Yeah, like...
They didn't preheat the oven

until we'd been there for
like, three-and-a-half hours.

It was awful, I know.
It was unconscionable.

I felt like I was
being held captive.

I can't do that again.
Honey, say goodbye.

Goodbye.

To your son.
I know.

Goodbye, buddy, I love you.

I love you so much, babe.
See you.

I love you, too.

Hey, you know, we don't even know
for sure that he has Asperger's.

I know.
He's not the Lessing kid.

I know.

That was terrific.

So... It's been
a while, Crosby.

Yeah, like, uh, five years
and nine months awhile.

I guess.

I have... I hate
to ask you this,

but, um, you're sure
that he's mine, yeah?

Yeah, I'm...
I'm pretty sure.

You didn't have, like, relations with
anyone else during that same period?

He's yours.
Okay.

Well, hey, if you guys are in town
again, you know, we should do this again.

Well, um...

Actually, we moved back.

You... Really?
Yeah.

Really?
Yeah.

'Cause in your e-mail you said
that you were just coming to town.

Not that you had
moved back with my kid.

Maybe you don't remember
that I called you,

many times.

Crosby, Jabbar is
starting to get to that age

where he's asking
about his dad.

I would love it

if the two of you
developed a relationship.

Okay. Yeah.

Yeah?
Yeah, absolutely.

Maybe you guys can get together
an afternoon this weekend?

This weekend?
Yeah.

The one coming up,
this weekend?

Yeah, that one.
Yeah, um...

Man, that sounds
really good, but, um,

I'm actually going
out of town this weekend.

Oh.

What?

Nothing.

Hmm.
Dad!

Well, honey, I mean, you didn't
move all the way back to Berkeley

to serve up a bunch of
whiskey sours to alcoholics.

You should be on the other
side of that equation.

Okay, I should be
an alcoholic?

No!
No.

You should be an executive. Oh.

Come on, Zeek,
leave her alone.

She loves bartending.
Right, sweetie?

Yes, Mother,
it completes me.

Well, never mind. You
raised two kids on it.

- Mmm.
- It's a good living.

You should be
in advertising and PR.

I mean, come on, you did all
of the marketing and design

for your ex-husband's band.

If he hadn't thrown his
career in the toilet, he'd...

Zeek, come on,
leave her alone.

Sarah knows what
she's capable of.

What's that
supposed to mean?

Um, that you know yourself.

And my limits?
I meant it in a good way.

Let me tell the two
of you something,

it's not too late to learn some
parenting skills, okay, both of you.

You can take
a class, read a book.

Well, here's something.
No, this is a good one.

"Assistant to creative
executive at Pantheon Design.

"Someone understands the
ad industry. Self-starter."

I mean that has got Sarah
Braverman written all over it.

Get down there.
Dad, I'm pretty sure

they're not looking for
a 38-year-old single mom

who's been a bartender
for 10 years.

They're looking for a brilliant
designer, cheap. That's you. Submit.

I can't do anything
with you standing there.

Why not?
Because you're hovering.

I'm not hovering.
Yeah, you hover.

I don't hover. This is not
hovering, I'm way over...

This is hovering, like
this. Get going now.

Excuse me.

Hey. Are you new?

Um, yeah.
I just moved to town.

Amber Holt?

Yeah?
I'm Principal Gomez.

Um...

Can we step outside
for a second?

We've reviewed your transfer files
from your previous school in Fresno,

which indicate you don't have enough
credits to qualify as a junior.

What? We think you'll be more successful

starting here at
Roosevelt as a sophomore.

You're...
You're holding me back?

Well, I wouldn't
look at it like that.

No. No.

I'm sorry. There's no
way. Absolutely not.

I'm not gonna spend another
year of my life here.

I can't be older
than everybody else.

Look, please, please
just give me a chance.

I'm really sorry, Amber. There's
really no other choice here.

Hey, Son.

Dad?

Bad time?

Never.
Great.

So, how's the big
re-org coming?

Well, Dad, they don't
call it a re-org.

The company's expanding.

What do you need? Do you
need some new sneakers?

No, I just came here to visit my son
for no other reason than to visit my son.

You got these in a 12?

I will call
the warehouse.

You remember the work
that your sister, Sarah,

did for her ex-husband,
Seth's, rock band?

Man, I hated that guy.
Did you like him?

Well, that was
a while ago.

Well, she did all
the CD covers, Adam,

all the posters
for the concerts.

Remember the one she did
with the doves and the stars?

That was dynamite.
Yeah.

Better than good.
Yeah. Uh-huh.

Anyway, she and I went on this
Chuck's List the other day.

Craig's List.
Yeah.

So we saw this thing on the
Pantheon Design website thingy

and I remembered that they did
some work for you once, right?

Uh-huh. Yeah, the fellow's
name is Edwin Chung.

You know him?
No.

I reckon he's a Chinese
fellow. I don't know him.

What would be great is if you'd
call him on your sister's behalf,

your new friend Edwin,
and, you know...

Dad, Pantheon
is a huge house.

People are dying
to work there.

Look, Sarah's been working
in a bar the last 15 years.

Come on, Adam. She's your
sister. I wouldn't want her to...

I mean, call, huh?
What's the problem?

Okay. All right,
I'll call him.

Good.

Anything else?

How's my grandson doing?
What's the plan?

I don't know. I don't
know. I don't know.

Well, sonny, you got
to have a plan, kid.

You can do it.
Uh-huh. Yeah.

It's just a plan.

Hey, let's get some shoes.
Let's get some shoes.

Hey, Joel, did
you, um, pre-heat the oven?

'Cause we have to make
cookies for the fundraiser.

Sydney?

Hello.
Hi. You must be Julia!

You're here!
I live here.

This is Racquel!
Hi.

Hi. Racquel is co-chairing
the fundraiser with me.

Mmm-hmm. We're
wrapping and we're baking.

Yeah, well,
the school needs money.

And you know what gets
hit first. It's the arts.

I mean, you know that the fourth
and fifth grade orchestra program

is just the tip
of the iceberg.

Wow.

Oh, the preservatives in
those things are terrible.

Oh, yeah. No, normally
I bake them from scratch.

Oh, yeah, we do a ton
of baking around here.

We had a most amazing time
making cookies. Didn't we, girls?

- Oh, yeah!
- They're delicious!

Mmm-hmm.
Hi.

Hi!
Oh, hey,

Joelskies tells me
you're a lawyer.

Joelskies is correct.

Yeah, I am. Thanks.
- That's great!

There's a dad in Mrs.
Abramar's class who's a lawyer.

He sold 20 books of raffle
tickets in one afternoon.

Here, I'm going to give you
10, you know, just to start out?

You know, I'm going to
say hi to my daughter.

Oh, no, you know what,
we're going.

No, come on, Harmony!

Honey, we're going. We're going
to let Sydney see her mommy.

She hardly ever
gets to see her.

Don't forget your
worry beads, sweetheart.

We're Buddhists.

Here you go.
Okay. We're going.

Joel. Oh.
Hey.

You are so amazing.

Oh. Alrighty.

And, Sydney, sweetheart,
I'll see you tomorrow.

Oh!

I just said, "I love you"
to her in Mandarin.

And she said,
"I love you, too."

Aw, eat you up.

Alrighty, girls.
- Bye.

See ya, girls.
- Bye.

Hey.
Hi.

Your life is about
to change forever.

It's all about accepting,
not resisting.

If you put in the work,
they'll do great.

Noel is doing fantastic.

Well, Max hasn't even
been diagnosed yet.

So we're not even sure if
he has Asperger's. Mmm-mmm.

Well,
denial is very common.

So, what have you
guys done so far?

Have you changed
Max's diet yet?

Uh...
We need to change his diet?

Oh, God, yes. Gluten free, no
wheat, no sugar, no chemicals.

Casein-free, too.
What's a casein?

I don't know. We have a
nutritionist that you are gonna love.

Philly, get the cards.
Okay.

Good. You're also gonna
need an OT and a PT.

A PT? I don't know
what a PT is.

A PT is a physical therapist. Oh.

Thank you, lover. Colored index
cards. They're a life saver.

There is so much
to keep track of.

Oh, our entire
lives are on these cards.

Red is diet. Yellow is
therapies. Green is meds.

Blue is aides and respite.
Don't forget about pink.

Oh, my God.
Pink is our sex life.

If we didn't have
a card for it,

it would go straight into the crapper
with everything that's going on.

Hey, isn't it Tuesday?
My God, he's an animal.

Um, eventually you're
gonna need an in-house aide.

Oh, and a behaviorist.

A what? I don't... What's a
behaviorist? I've never heard...

A behavioral therapist. A great
behavioral therapist will change Max's life.

Oh, they say Dr. Pelikan is
the best, a miracle worker.

Behaviorist?

Mmm-hmm. So, uh, he
works at changing behavior.

That could be good.

That could help Max maybe
get out of his pirate costume?

Forget about Pelikan.
Pelikan's a... Why?

Because no one gets in to see
Pelikan. He's an elusive ass.

He's like the Bob Dylan
of Autism.

Oh. You know what? I
want to give this a shot.

I may have some connections.
So, how do you spell that? P-E-L?

- Pelikan.
- Like the bird.

But with a K.

We made dinner.
Stay for dinner.

Stay for dinner, we already
made... Well, we didn't make it.

We haven't made it. Oh,
no, really, we have to...

I gotta
pre-heat the oven.

But it's gluten-free pasta.
It's really good.

It's actually good. You
should get used to it.

No. No, no, no. No, no,
no, no, no, no. We really...

Nonsense. You're part of
the family now. We're so...

Welcome.
Welcome.

Welcome to the family.

We're happy to have you.
Sit down!

Okay, I sent it.

Can you believe
I got an interview?

That's
fantastic. I got your e-mail.

Oh, and?

It's a little...

I thought I was being
hot corporate. What do they want?

You need to go
in there and say,

"Here I am. I'm the only one
that could do this job."

Well, that's a lie. Everyone
else could do this job but me.

I'm not even qualified.

Well, that's probably not the best
attitude. You need to spin a little.

I can't spin.
I lost my spin.

I don't know
how to spin.

Great,
thanks. May I spin?

Please.
You're a great artist.

You've been unavailable for
a while, so you're a find.

You've been doing
other things.

Checking my ex-husband
into rehab.

Now you're back
in the East Bay

and you're ready to pick
up where you left off.

To move in with my parents
at an inappropriate age.

You're not helping.

I just can't see
really getting this job.

They called you,
didn't they?

I know.

That's the amazing thing. All I did
was send my work and they called.

Well, that's because they see
your talent. That's step one.

Step two is you look this
guy in the eye and you say,

"I am going to blow
your frigging mind."

That sounds good when
you say it. Did you get that one?

I think we're in
the wrong store.

Oh. Crap.

What do you think?

Okay, you don't like it. I
have others, let me try them on.

Wait, no... No. No, no, no,
no, Katie, Katie, listen. Um...

I don't know if it's going
to work out this weekend.

What?
I know...

What could have come up?

Well, it's kind of
a big deal.

I don't know if I want
to go into it right now.

Crosby, if you're back
with that bimbo waitress,

Brandy, or that pseudo-activist...
Okay, honey, honey.

...waify actress person.
I'm not back with anyone.

Just tell me
the truth.

Okay.

Okay.

We think Max
has Asperger's.

What?

Adam and Kristina are
just finding out about it

and I feel like I should
stick around this weekend,

to be there for Adam and
Kristina, and the little guy.

That's amazing to hear
you talk like that.

You're going to be an
amazing father one day.

Oh, come here. Mmm.

I totally understand if you
need to postpone the weekend.

You know, it's not
in stone, though.

And we should probably
keep that option open.

Did you know a cockroach can
hold its breath for 40 minutes?

Fascinating.

All right, Max, I want
you to put Charlie away.

It's dinner time.

A cockroach can live a
month without its head.

Okay, seriously, I'm...

I don't have an appetite
now. Haddie, it's fine.

It's not that
big of a deal.

All right, you know what,
Max, please eat your food.

Leave the cockroach alone.
I don't like it.

Well, how do you know you don't
like it if you've never tried it?

It's not one of his foods.
Hey, Max, sweetheart,

you know, maybe you could earn some
TV time tonight by trying your food?

I get TV after
dinner anyway.

If you don't eat your dinner
then you won't get TV time.

- Sweetheart.
- That's not fair.

The rules are I get an hour of TV time
after dinner. The book says we should

frame things through
reward, not punishment.

Those are the rules... No, he's
saying he already gets TV anyway.

That is my time for
the TV. It's not fair.

Maybe you guys could
give him extra time.

Yeah, how about
that, Max? I get my TV.

That's a good idea.
How about

if you try your food, you'll
get extra TV time. How much?

An hour.
Five minutes.

What your mother said,
five minutes. Forget it.

Per bite.

Two, three,
four, five, six.

Seven, eight,
nine, ten...

Eleven, twelve. That's
an hour. Right? You said.

Yup.

Wait, Max,
you have to sit down

until we're finished
with our meal.

Why? I already earned
my TV time.

That worked out well.
Shut up, sweetie.

I have e-mailed everyone I know looking
for a connection with Dr. Pelikan.

It's like trying
to meet the Pope.

There's got to be
somebody else.

Arrogant son of a bitch!

What?
I found this in the back.

And?

And, is it yours?

No.
You sure?

Haddie!
No!

I swear to God, if you're lying
to us right now... Don't lie.

Do not lie to me, you are digging
yourself a very, very, very deep hole.

It'd be the worst thing
you could do.

You guys,
this is not mine.

No?
No!

No? 100%?

Yeah. Yeah.
- Positive?

All right.
Okay.

But it feels good that
you trust your daughter.

Sorry.

Yeah.

Wow,
you did this in 1990?

Yeah, you were
probably in grade school.

Pre-school, actually.

Oh, wow,
that's depressing.

For me, I mean,
for me, not for you.

For you, look at you,
it's... You're doing great.

Uh, so, what have you
been doing all these years?

Well, I thought
you might ask that.

Um, I've just been focusing
on my family, I guess.

I have two kids.
Oh.

No, that's wonderful.
Not if you know them.

I'm just kidding, they're
great. I love them.

No,
what I meant to say is,

that it's an honorable choice to
choose your family over career.

Yeah, I just moved
to Berkeley

and this might
sound lame,

but I'm ready to
make a fresh start.

And if you give me
this chance,

I know I can blow
your freaking mind.

My sister
told me to say that.

That sounded so stupid,
I'm really sorry.

That's okay, that's okay. Now, tell me
about this. What am I looking at here?

Okay, so, um, my
ex-husband was in a band,

and, uh, it was pretty
successful and I started doing

all their posters
and stuff.

And then I worked
for another band

and word got out to
some restaurants, so...

Right. Well, I gotta be honest with
you, Sarah. Your work is phenomenal.

Wow.
Really?

I love these. It's hip
without trying to be hip.

It's fresh, fun.

Now, you saw the range that we're
talking of for starting salary?

The money? Yeah,
it would be fine.

Good, good. Um,
you'll be reporting to me.

Is that going
to be a problem?

Just in terms of the...

'Cause I'm so old?
That I'm so young.

No, that I'm so old.

Oh, no, that's...

No, no, that's fine.
I can take a note

from a whippersnapper
like you.

I... No, it wouldn't
be any problem.

Good, good, all right.
That's good.

I really want this job.

Hi.
Hey, you're a hot mom.

Hi.
Hi.

Oh. Where's Sydney?

Uh, she's not here.
What?

She's on her way. She's in a
car with Racquel and Harmony.

Racquel? Why?

Mandarin class ran over and they
needed somebody to claim a table.

It's gonna be
a pretty big group.

Oh.

Yes?

I moved three meetings
and jockeyed through traffic

to have 21 minutes with my daughter
and she's in a car with Racquel.

I'll text her.
No,

she's an insane driver.
Don't text her.

Oh, Julia.

She is.
Oh, God, Jules,

I know you think Racquel
is intense, and she is.

But she's a great mom.

Good. That's
great to hear.

Considering.
- Mommy!

Hi, Syd! Okay,
I have 18 minutes.

I'm spending them
with my daughter. Okay.

Hi, baby. Come here.

Hi!
Hey.

You missed the most
amazing class. JOEL: Yeah?

So, you drove all the way
from downtown to ask me this?

Could you just answer me?

No, it's not my pot.

Are you sure?
Yeah. Well, hey,

you know, I haven't
smoked that stuff in years.

And what the hell were you doing out in
the middle of the night, weed-whacking?

I've got something
in my house.

It's a possum,
rat, raccoon,

I don't know,
something.

Call an exterminator.

It's personal.

Personal?
Yeah.

Every night, he's up on the
roof making noise right above us.

And it just feels like it's
deliberate, like he's mocking me.

I got to get rid of it. I got to
get it out of the house, that's all.

Well, sonny, you know it
could be something else.

Like what, a weasel?
Weasel?

No, psychological,
it could be...

It's not psychological.
...something you're manifesting.

I'm not manifesting
anything. Okay?

Well, you're certainly kind
of resistant to the idea.

Hey.
Hey, Adam.

Perfect, Mom just
made carrot cake.

Oh, good.

Psychological.

Pop, carrot cake?

Uh, yeah,
maybe in a little bit.

Got a little more
work to do.

Wouldn't want to help,
would you?

Okay, yeah, earn it.
Yeah.

Yeah, make sure you earn it. Yeah.

Did you ditch a bag
of weed in my yard?

Are you crazy?

Just asking a question.
Hmm, by the way,

I need you to cover
for me with Katie.

I told her Max
has Asperger's

and that's why I can't go
away with her this weekend.

You used Max's Asperger's
as an excuse?

Yeah, I'm double booked.

I'm supposed to go with Katie
to this incredible spa in Napa,

and then Jasmine asked me
if I can bond with Jabbar.

So you're deciding whether or
not to go to some spa with Katie

or spend time with your son that
you've met twice in your life.

If you saw the lingerie
she bought for this trip,

you'd understand
the dilemma.

Hey, jackass,
you have a son, okay.

You need to man up, take
care of your responsibilities.

Mmm, you comfortable up there on
your high horse, looking down on me?

My life's
complicated, Adam.

Mmm, listen, by the way, that guy that
you e-mailed me about, Dr. Pelikan?

I got an in.

You?
Yeah, me, I have an in.

Can you imagine?
Katie's mom did him

at some new age retreat
back in the '70s.

Slow down. What?

Katie's mom did him at
Esalen in 1973. Uh-huh.

Okay?
And this helps me how?

He has a cancellation
this afternoon.

He has
a cancellation today,

why did you wait so long
to tell me about this?

Well, uh, sorry that
I wanted to talk to you

for five seconds
about my life.

I gotta go, okay. This guy's
impossible to see, thank you.

Oh, great,
thanks for your time.

It's really
generous of you.

I don't want to go.

Look, Max,
we're jumping over

an 18-month waiting list
here, okay? We have to go.

Honey, he doesn't know
what a waiting list is.

This guy's the Bob Dylan of Asperger's.

Bob Dylan never had a number
one record. He's a genius.

Then how come he never had a
number one hit record on Billboard?

The Beatles had 20 number
one hit records. Uh-huh.

Michael Jackson had 13.
The Bee Gees had nine.

Well, maybe try not to compare
Bob Dylan to the Bee Gees.

And we have to go.

Hey, turn the TV back on.

We have to go, Max, come on. No way.

Okay, right now, we have to do this. No!

Max. Put your shoes on.
Max!

Max! This guy can't
help you unless we go.

Not that you need help. You
need to go. Yes, he does.

Adam, I don't want him
to think that he...

Kristina, we need to make this
appointment, okay! I understand that.

Turn the TV back on.
No way.

Hey.
What? What?

Um, it was mine.
The pot. It was mine.

Um...

I just couldn't
sleep last night.

And I felt like
I had to tell you.

So, a couple of friends
and I chipped in.

But do not ask me who because
I'm not going to tell you.

But, I thought
it was stupid.

And I'm not going
to do it again.

Okay?

Sorry for not being the
girl that you thought I was.

Okay.

Hello? Sarah, hi. It's
Edwin Chung. How are you?

Oh, hi, I'm good.
How are you?

Good. Do you have a second?

Yeah, sure, that was
really fun today.

Listen, I am so sorry, unfortunately,
it's not going to work out.

Oh. Yeah, I think you're great. I do.

And I was
fighting for you.

But my bosses just won't hire
anyone without a college degree.

In any case, I wanted
to call you personally

to let you know
how sorry I am.

Right, sure.

Oh, and my bosses wanted me to
make sure to thank your brother,

Adam Braverman,
at T and S Footwear.

Yeah, but
why did... Do you know him?

Yeah, that's why you were
brought in. I thought you knew.

Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah,
right, of course.

No, no, that's right,
I forgot.

I will. I'll definitely
say hi to him.

Thanks. Okay,
thanks so much.

Bye-bye.

How was school?

Can we just go, please?
Oh, God.

Can you just not give me
this attitude? Not today.

Can you just drive the car,
please? Yes, I can drive the car.

I just want
to tell you...

Can we please not do this? Remind
you that this is not a punishment.

All you do is be
negative and complain...

Please,
respect my opinion.

I don't want to do this.
...and get your cousin arrested.

Okay. Yeah, and that was my
fault. It wasn't. I'm serious.

Listen to me, please!
I didn't smoke pot.

And I didn't give any to her and
I didn't encourage her to smoke it.

But you don't
believe me, ever.

You didn't even listen.
And as for this school,

I'm really glad that you sent me
here because they're holding me back.

What?
Yeah, I got held back.

I'm gonna have to do
10th grade all over again.

So, thanks a lot
for making me go here.

What? What are you
talking about?

They're making me do
10th grade over again

because they didn't like my
transcripts from Fresno. Who is?

I don't know. I don't know. I just...

Who said that?
I'm taking the bus.

Amber, come on.

We're out of here.

Whoops.

Well,
Max did just great.

Max, how about you hang out
here, play a little with the toys

and your mom and dad and I
will go talk for a few minutes.

Okay. KRISTINA:
Bye-bye, love. Kisses.

Well?
Well,

Max is a wonderful boy.

He's smart. He's sweet.
He is very intelligent.

Okay, Doctor, I'm sorry to
interrupt, I don't want to be rude,

but we just want to know.
I mean, does...

Do you think Max
has Asperger's?

Max is very
high functioning,

but I do find
that Max's behaviors

are consistent with
an Asperger's diagnosis.

Oh, my God.

All right, uh... This
is fine. We're gonna...

Look, we can
work through this.

This is not an
insurmountable problem. No.

I think we should just
tackle this one by one.

So, pirate costume...

I think getting him out
of that thing is key.

Well, I'm happy to help with
strategies for specific behaviors.

I think that we should start with
more of a big picture conversation.

Okay. I'm better with
practical stuff. Okay.

See, now I just want to... We
gotta get moving on this. Adam.

What? Can you please just let him talk?

He's sorry. Thanks.
Now, go for it.

Okay.

This isn't
a prison sentence.

I know. So, how long is
this going to take then?

How long will
what take?

Just to get him through this,
get him back on track.

Okay, unfortunately, there
is no cure for Asperger's.

It is a syndrome that he
will always have. Okay?

I don't understand.

Sorry, what are we supposed to
do for him? I mean, I don't know.

You will help to
uncover Max's gifts.

You figure out
how he learns.

You get as much support
for Max as possible.

Quite honestly,
the research clearly shows

the greatest barometer of success
for children with Asperger's

is their
parents' involvement.

Uh, okay.
All right, so,

just in case we can
never see you again,

well, what do you suggest we do to
get him out of the pirate costume?

So, the first step is not to
wrench Max out of his comfort zone.

Okay, the first step is
to join Max where he is.

And then,
when he's ready,

you walk him
into the world.

And now, for the main
event of our evening,

I give you over to
my incredible co-chair.

Does he clean up well,
or what?

Not only did Joel organize
most of this event himself,

but he literally
built the platform

that we are standing on right now
with his own two big man hands.

Who is this tramp?

Racquel.
Are they, like, screwing?

No. What?

I'd like to correct Racquel.
She is actually responsible

for doing virtually almost everything
in getting tonight's event together.

So, let's hear
it for Racquel.

You know, before the platform
collapses, could we get on with it?

That's my father-in-law,
ladies and gentlemen.

- Down, boy.
- Why do you do that?

I'm actually not kidding.

Okay, we are going to start with the
biggest auction item of the night.

The highest bidder will go
home with a premium parking spot

at Sycamore
for an entire year.

Aw, sweet, that's mine. Yes, it
is. I want it. You and your child

will receive the VIP experience
every morning starting tomorrow

for an entire school year
at Sycamore Charter.

Aw.
- Wow!

Gorgeous.

So, who here is ready to pay $300
for VIP parking at Sycamore Charter?

$300 from the beautiful woman in
the back with the boisterous family.

Do I hear $325?

Three twenty-five.
Three twenty-five.

I have 325, do I hear
350? JULIA: Three-fifty.

Three-fifty. I have
$350. Do I hear 400?

Do I have 400?
Four hundred in the back.

Do I hear $450?
- Four-fifty.

$450. Who's going to give
me five? WOMAN: Right here.

I have 500,
let's go six.

Who's gonna give me six? $600? Six.

$600 over there. Six
hundred, do I have 650?

I have $600, going once... Ah!

...going twice...
Seven hundred.

$700! Seven, that's a...

Wow, that's a Sycamore
Charter record right here.

$700 going once, going twice... Eight.

There we go! We got a
cat fight. We got a cat fight.

Eight hundred smackeroos.
Wow, that's...

Nine.
$900!

Okay, it's on.

Make it a grand.

Oh! Live it, baby!

$1000, US.

Eleven.
Twelve.

Fifteen!
$1500.

$1500, wow!

What the hell
is wrong with her?

I know,
she doesn't even work.

She doesn't work?

Which is a valid, such a
valid, wonderful choice,

that... You know, I did
an extra month of maternity leave.

I took that.

Excellent. It's 1500
going once, going twice.

Let's make it 1920 in honor of the
year women won the right to vote.

Solidarity.

Sold. Great, ladies,
thank you so much.

That's a great way to
start off the evening here.

I'm sorry, uh-oh.

You can see that
from space.

I know. I know.

It's gonna take me months to
work overtime paying that off.

At least
you have a job.

Well, I heard your
interview went well. Mmm-hmm.

I guess.
I didn't get it.

Really?
What? Why?

And Adam, next time you help
me, maybe you could let me know.

I actually thought I got
that interview by myself,

and then I found out
I didn't.

Listen, Sarah, Dad thought
it would be a good idea.

Really, that's what you're
using? What are you, 40?

And Dad thought it was a
good idea. ADAM: Oh, hold on.

Oh, the gloves are off
now. That's a terrible reason.

I was doing you
a favor, okay?

Okay. Sorry I didn't
tell you, all right?

Okay. Okay. I should
have told you. I'm sorry.

Thank you. Hey, how did
your meeting go with Max?

You... It's okay.
You can tell them.

It's official.
Max has Asperger's.

Hey.

Sorry about that. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Okay. All right, get
off. You have a string on your tie.

You know, to make
life even suckier,

our perfect daughter was hiding
a bag of weed in the backyard.

Oh, wow.
I am appalled.

As your lawyer, I would have
advised you not to bring that

to the elementary
school, where...

It happened to be
in my pocket.

He was hunting a possum... Long story.

...while wearing a blazer and
his underwear. That's weird.

Well, that's quite an image
there. So, it was Haddie's?

Amber didn't lie?
Amber told the truth.

I'm glad that this is
such good news for you.

Amber told the truth.
Haddie's smoking pot.

Well, Amber told me
the truth.

That's happened
like one other time.

How's it going, Crosby? ADAM:
Hey, would you put that away?

What are you doing?
Hey, look, man,

I'm just trying to figure out what kind
of mischief my niece is up to, okay?

Oh. Hmm. It smells
like Mexican mischief.

But it could be
Humble mischief.

Do not light that.
Do not...

Crosby, if you get me
kicked out of this school,

I swear to God, I will
take your skinny ass down.

Well, if you get booted, then maybe that
ho won't try to raw dog your husband.

I'm sorry, what?
"Raw dog," is that a...

I know.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

She was all, "Joel built this
whole platform with his bare hands,"

like, you know, he's from
the 1400s or something.

Okay, Joel would never.
- He wouldn't.

Joel? Never, ever in a million years.

And you and she's...
She's a tart.

Forget that, sweetheart.
Come on, put that out.

Now it's in safe hands,
here we go. ADAM: Put it out.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. JULIA:
Thanks for looking out.

Oh, Mama Bear's trying
this old stew. What?

You got to put her on
a shorter leash, my man.

Look at this. ADAM: You
guys, this is still illegal.

You know that?
- That's...

Still illegal. Kristina,
would you put that out, please?

Come on,
this is illegal.

I didn't do anything.
- Where'd everybody go?

Oh, my God, Mom.
It's Mom.

Oh, great.
Here comes Mom.

I turned away because
I needed some air.

Ah, us too.

What's so funny?
Nothing.

Mom, hi, Mommy.

Mom, you look so soft tonight. Ha!

Oh, God, you guys, you're
smoking dope in the schoolyard.

I was not smoking dope.
- You idiots.

Mom, Adam's a chimney. We need
to get him into a facility.

- Get him! Get him!
- Run! Run!

I should have seen it.
I should have caught it.

You were always concerned and I
was always telling you it was okay.

You know what?
I think this is good,

because if we can blame
everything on you,

it's going to make
everything better.

You think so?
Yeah.

Kristina, I can
deal with anything.

I can deal with disease, with
illness, with a broken bone.

Give me something I can fix. But I
just don't know how to deal with this.

This is for life.

No, Adam, just stop it.
I mean, come on.

You only heard
the bad part.

You didn't hear everything
else that the doctor said.

Max is... He's smart,
and he's beautiful,

and there's so much
potential, and hope.

So what now?

We start to work.

Have a nice day.

Unfortunately, there's
not much we can do.

I'm afraid Amber's transcript
just doesn't justify

being in the 11th grade.

I know.

Her grades at Fresno
totally sucked.

I can't argue with that.

The thing about
Amber is...

The hidden secret about
Amber is she's really smart.

She just hasn't gotten
a break, you know.

She hasn't gotten the
break that she deserves.

And that's my fault.

And I take
responsibility for that.

But the reason I came here, the
reason I moved my family here,

is to give her a chance
to become more.

I know the last thing you
want is another parent in here

asking for special
treatment for their kid.

But I'm just afraid that if the
first thing that happens to her here

is that she
gets left back,

that she's just
gonna shut down.

And the thing I want more
than anything in the world

is for her
not to shut down,

because I believe in her.

You don't know me.
You don't know her.

So...

But I guess I'm asking for
you to believe in her, too.