Pam & Tommy (2022): Season 1, Episode 5 - Episode #1.5 - full transcript
- Tommy.
The tape.
- Fuck the police!
We'll get our own guy.
- Let me do some digging here.
Ah!
- Where the fuck
do I find this guy?
- He's not here.
Don't worry.
He'll turn up eventually.
Seattle.
Let me guess--webcams.
- Very good, yeah.
They say it's
the future of porn.
- And I would agree with them.
I love you so much.
There's a bunch
of camera guys sitting around
watching us have sex.
Do you have any idea
how humiliating it was?
You're being way too chill.
Every second that passes,
this tape could be spreading.
- Baby, we will get it back.
This'll all be fine!
- Hey, Tommy?
- You did the right thing
by coming in.
♪ ♪
Hey, gorgeous.
My God.
Just driving, baby.
Uh.
Fuck.
Look at my beautiful husband.
I love you!
- What's up?
What's up?
Whoo!
- Did he just honk a boat horn
with his penis?
- Yes, he did.
- The jokes,
they write themselves.
- He's never gonna go for it.
- Jay loves dick jokes.
He did two years straight
on Bobbitt.
- Do you think
it's too risqué or...
- Not too risqué.
Too obscure.
If Uncle Jim and Aunt Susie
in Duluth don't know about it--
- You do the shittiest Leno.
♪ ♪
- Come in.
- Got a sec?
It's all over town.
They're selling it online
through a website.
There's so many angles to it:
technology, celebrity, privacy.
- Are you pitching a story?
- Why not?
- The Los Angeles Times
is not doing a story
on a sex tape.
- A celebrity sex tape
that's being commercially sold.
- I'm confounded by what aspect
of this you consider news.
- It's totally news.
Nothing like this has ever--
- I'm sorry, Alicia.
You want to write a story
about Pam Anderson
having sex on a boat,
you're free to go write
for the National Enquirer.
- Oh, shit.
You have it?
He goes, "Are you sure
you don't want a stunt double?"
I'm like, "Hell no.
Put me on that motorcycle.
Let's go."
I mean, what choice do I have?
I mean, you try finding
a stuntman
that matches my measurements.
- It feels like you and Barb
have a lot in common.
- Yeah.
Well, no--well, I hope so.
I mean, she's kind of my idol.
- What would you say is your
favorite thing about her?
Oh, God.
Good question.
Um, I guess I would have
to say her...toughness.
- Yeah?
Yeah, you know, no matter
what life throws at her
and no matter how bad it gets,
she just...
fearlessly powers through.
- Do you feel like you
take after her in that way?
- I mean, not to pat myself on
the back or anything, but yes.
Definitely.
You know,
when something bad happens,
all I want to do is move on,
move past it, put it behind me,
you know?
- Does that usually
work out for you?
- Bad stuff happens, you know?
What's the point
in dwelling on it?
♪ ♪
Tommy.
- Hey.
- What are you doing?
♪ ♪
I was, um--
I was, you know--
- Baby.
- Come here.
Oh.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
You want to know a secret?
Yeah.
- I'm really...
- Yeah.
- Sad.
♪ ♪
- I know.
Me too.
- You seem fine.
- Tommy, I'm not fine.
I'm just--
I'm distracted.
- How'd it go?
- The Glamour interview?
- Yeah.
- It was great.
We spoke for, like, two hours.
- Wow.
- I can't believe I'm actually
gonna be in a women's magazine.
Ooh.
- I'm so stoked for you.
- Thank you.
It's exciting.
- Hey.
- Yeah?
- I was thinking, uh,
maybe I could
make dinner later.
- I can't tonight.
I'm going out.
- You are?
- I'm sorry, baby.
Remember, it's that...
Entertainment Weekly thingy.
Oh, that's tonight.
- Yeah.
Hmm.
- Come on.
- Hey, sure.
- You can do it.
- Of course.
Fuck it.
Of course.
Come on.
- ♪ 'Cause the love
that you gave that we made ♪
♪ Wasn't able
to make it enough ♪
♪ For you to be open wide ♪
♪ No ♪
♪ And every time you speak
her name, does she know ♪
♪ How you told me you'd
hold me until you died ♪
♪ Till you died,
but you're still alive ♪
♪ And I'm here to remind you ♪
♪ Of the mess you left
when you went away ♪
♪ It's not fair to deny me ♪
♪ Of the cross I bear
that you gave to me ♪
♪ You, you, you ♪
- Refill, por favor!
♪ Feels so nice ♪
♪ All girls should have
a real man ♪
- The fuck is this shit?
- It's Sleater-Kinney.
So fucking good.
♪ I don't want
your kind of love ♪
♪ I don't wanna
join your club ♪
♪ I don't want
your kind of love ♪
♪ If you had it
in your thighs ♪
♪ You'll see that it
feels so nice ♪
♪ You wait, you'll come
every time ♪
♪ I'm not that dumb,
I don't wanna ♪
♪ I don't wanna
join your club ♪
♪ ♪
- Oh, shit.
Tommy fucking Lee.
'Sup, brother?
Yo, big fan, man.
Ah, thanks, bro.
- Yo.
- Oh, that tape.
That's the best thing
you've put out
since "Girls, Girls, Girls,"
yo.
- "Girls, Girls, Girls."
That was 1987.
Yeah.
Yeah.
- And you think that's
the best thing I've done
in nine years?
- Oh, no. No, no.
- Sounded like you said--
- That's not what I meant.
- No, that's what you said.
You fuck!
- Hey, hey, hey!
You fuck!
Get off me!
Get off me,
you motherfucker!
- We start tonight
with the latest antics
from Motley Crue drummer
Tommy Lee.
The notorious bad boy rocker
got himself thrown out
of The Viper Room
early this morning
after getting into
an alleged altercation
with a pair of men
in the club's restroom.
Eyewitnesses said Lee,
the hubby of Baywatch babe
Pamela Anderson, appeared
to be highly intoxicated
as he was forcibly removed
from the infamous
Sunset Strip nightclub
by security personnel.
This is not helpful.
Everything he does
reflects on you.
If he is a train wreck, you are
a train wreck by association.
I understand.
- Classy A-list actresses
do not have this stuff.
You don't see Hard Copy doing
a story on Sandra Bullock's
husband getting tossed out
of The Viper Room.
- No.
No, I get it.
I'll talk to him.
It won't happen again.
- I hope not,
for your sake, Pammy.
What was it about anyway?
- Um...
- The fight?
What?
- Um, well, it's nothing.
Um...
- Pamela?
It's nothing.
It's nothing. It's--
- Is there something
I should know about?
Jesus.
- I mean,
it's super underground.
I mean,
barely anybody knows about it.
- How many copies
have they sold?
I don't know.
I mean, 20, 50.
Has anybody written
about it yet?
- Oh, you mean press?
No.
I don't think so.
You don't think?
- I mean, I haven't exactly
combed through newsstands.
Did you do a web search?
- No.
- A bunch of publications
are on there now.
Started, like,
three months ago.
The whole paper,
in computer form.
That's crazy.
Look, I mean, I--
I somehow doubt they're writing
about a sex tape.
- Maybe not
The New York Times.
Star Magazine
has a website,
National Enquirer,
USA Today.
You can search
through all of them at once.
Any mention of the tape from
any publication with a site.
- I can't look. I can't look.
All clear.
- Oh, God.
Thank God.
No news.
Just the links to the video.
- That's good.
Wait.
Links?
♪ ♪
Oh, no.
It's spreading.
There's a half dozen
different websites selling it.
- Well, maybe he's got
a bunch of fucking websites.
- With, um...different prices,
different addresses,
different cover art.
People are making copies.
- We'll figure it out, baby.
- "Figure it out."
Tommy, you just--
God,
you just don't fucking get it!
- Get what?
- It's too late!
Train's left the station.
- Okay,
so what do you want from me?
- What do I want?
I wanted you to handle it.
- Well, I did my best,
all right?
I did the best
I fucking possibly could.
You sure about that?
- What the fuck's
that supposed to mean?
- Maybe, on some level,
you wanted this to happen.
- Excuse me?
- Maybe you like the attention.
- That's insane.
- Yeah, or maybe you're scared.
- Oh, I'm scared.
- Yeah, of me.
You're scared of me
and my career!
- Oh, my God,
that's right,
'cause you're about to blow up,
right?
Right?
And I'm fucking your shit up.
And I'm scared
of getting left behind!
Oh, my God.
That is fucked up, Pamela.
That is seriously fucked up
that you would even--
even think that.
- I'm not saying
you'd do it on purpose.
- So then what, subliminal?
- Yeah, maybe.
- All I do is root for you!
I want you to be huge!
I want you to be the biggest
fucking movie star
in the entire fucking world.
- Thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
I fucking hope so.
- You hope so?
- Yeah.
- You hope so.
- Yeah.
- Jesus Christ.
By the way, I sold
100 million fucking albums!
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Fuck!
- What's up, Rose?
- Hi, Tommy.
They're all here.
- Are they?
Even Vince?
- Believe it or not.
- Whoo!
You're in B.
- B?
- Fucking stripped down.
You know, raw,
Almost like kind of punk rock
but with kind of, like,
a blues boogie vibe.
Yeah.
- Yeah, I like that.
Early Aerosmith.
- Yeah.
That's what I was thinking.
- Yo.
Fuck's this studio B shit?
A's booked, man.
- By who?
Hi.
Hi.
Hey.
Who the fuck are you guys?
- Third Eye Blind.
♪ ♪
- Well, I got bad news for you,
Third Eye Blind.
Studio A is Motley Crue room.
- Really?
That's funny,
'cause we're booked into it
for the next six weeks.
- By who?
- Our label.
- Who the fuck's your label?
- Elektra.
- Elektra.
Hmm, that's--
that's our label, Nikki.
- Fuck, man.
- Yeah, what the fuck?
They book these ass clowns
in the big room over us?
- Guess so.
Sorry, man.
- Doesn't matter.
♪ ♪
The hottest toy this season
is something called
Tickle Me Elmo.
Apparently millions of children
are dying to get their hands
on the doll which gives off
a high-pitched giggle
when you touch it.
Children touch it,
and it giggles with glee.
I thought there was
already something that fit
that description:
Michael Jackson.
Funny, I think
we already did it, though.
What else?
Julia Roberts
and Lyle Lovett
are filing for divorce.
Apparently
the breakup is mutual.
Lyle wanted his freedom, and
Julia finally bought glasses.
- That's good. That's funny.
What else?
- A tape of Pamela Anderson
and Tommy Lee is going around
depicting the two of them
engaged in all sorts
of X-rated sex acts.
Pamela offered no comment
on the matter.
Not because she refused
but because she still
doesn't have the feeling back
in her jaw.
What tape?
- There's this sex tape.
It's all over the place.
- People are making copies
of it, playing it at parties.
- Oh, yeah, where?
In Laurel Canyon?
- Hey,
it's bigger than you think.
A lot of people know about it.
- Who knows about it?
Uncle Jim and Aunt Susie
in Duluth?
I mean maybe not them,
but--
But who?
Oh, cat's got his tongue.
All right,
let's come up with more stuff.
Come on, you guys are writers.
Let's go, what else?
- All right, uh, Attorney
General Janet Reno says
the FBI's closing in
on the Unabomber.
♪ ♪
- Hello.
Uh, Mr. Lee?
- Who's this?
Hi.
Um, uh, hello.
Hi, my name is Alicia Krentz.
I'm with
the Los Angeles Times.
- The L.A. Times.
What do you want?
- Um, I don't know if you've
been getting my messages,
but I've been trying to reach
you for about a week now.
Okay.
- I was hoping to talk
to you about the tape.
- You want to talk
about the tape?
If you have a couple minutes,
I'd love to just
get your opinion.
- My opinion
on getting fucking burgled
and having to deal
with assholes like you?
Fuck off!
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
- It was stolen--the tape.
It was in a safe stolen
from their house.
It's not clear if whoever
took it was targeting the tape
or if they just happened
to stumble upon it,
but either way,
it was definitively stolen.
They did not want
this out there,
and they certainly
did not want it sold.
Speaking of which,
there's more
than the one site
selling it now.
Pirated copies are sprouting up
all over the web.
Bootlegs
of a stolen celebrity sex tape.
I get your reluctance, given
the admittedly tawdry nature
of it all,
but I am telling you, Bert,
this is news.
♪ ♪
- Bob, when you have a minute,
you really should see this.
♪ ♪
Is this for real?
- It's the realest thing
you've seen in a long time.
♪ ♪
- Everything's gonna be okay.
♪ ♪
The tape is gonna go away.
♪ ♪
And Barb Wire's gonna be
the biggest movie in the world.
Tommy's new album's gonna be
the biggest album in the world.
♪ ♪
And we're gonna
get pregnant again.
♪ ♪
And we're gonna have a long
and happy marriage
and a beautiful family.
♪ ♪
Everything's gonna be
beautiful and perfect...
forever.
♪ ♪
Pamela!
Pamela!
Whoa.
Hey, what?
- Bob Guccione,
he's got the tape.
Wait, what?
- Fucking shit never ends.
Wait.
What are you talking about?
Mickey just called me,
and Donna's best friend
Kimberly was Penthouse
Pet of the Month last December,
and she heard from somebody
at the mansion
he's got ahold of it.
- Well, where did he get it?
- No idea, but all I know
is, we're suing the shit out
of him.
- Suing him for what?
- For what he's gonna do.
What's he gonna do?
- Um, if I had to guess,
fucking running pictures.
- What? No--from the tape?
I mean, think about it.
He'd do anything
to stick it to Hef,
and what better way than
running a bunch of porno shots
of Hef's golden girl,
Ms. Playboy herself?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Maybe somebody just gave it
to him,
and he watched it,
that's it.
You know, he might not be
planning anything.
- I thought you were the one
that was obsessed
with shutting this shit down.
- I am, I am, I am.
God, I am.
I just--
come on, suing Penthouse
when we just--
we don't even--
- Let's just talk to a lawyer,
right?
Get a professional opinion.
- A lawyer.
Yeah.
Let's just see what they say.
Who knows? Maybe I'm wrong.
- Tommy's absolutely right.
This calls
for swift preemptive action.
We file an invasion
of privacy lawsuit
against Guccione
and the magazine
while simultaneously
requesting injunctive relief.
- Injunctive relief?
The judge makes sure
they don't publish
any images from the tape,
and if they defy
that order, then--
- We bring down
the shit hammer.
Okay,
um, yeah, but the tape,
it's stolen property.
I mean, wouldn't it be illegal
for him to run pictures
from it?
- You think that scumbag
gives a fuck about legal?
- He could always play
the First Amendment card.
Freedom of speech.
Freedom of the press.
- Totally, he loves that shit.
I'm just--I'm concerned.
- What--what--
what's your concern, Pamela?
- My concern is,
if he's not planning
to do anything and we sue,
he could suddenly decide
to do it to get back at us.
Plus, if we sue, it puts
all this attention on the tape.
It could turn it
into something way bigger
than it would have been,
and it kills off any chance
of the whole thing, you know,
staying underground
and just kind of fizzling out
on its own.
You know?
- Yeah.
You need to sue.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
If you don't defend
your rights--
- It'd be a dangerous
precedent to set.
- You'd effectively be
letting them dictate
what you can and cannot print.
♪ ♪
- This is about
freedom of speech.
♪ ♪
The First Amendment.
Nobody's robbing Bob Guccione
of his God-given right
to free expression.
Pull 20 frames,
the nastiest bits,
and draw up a press release.
Penthouse has
the Pamela Anderson sex tape
and is publishing stills.
They want chicken, let's
play some fucking chicken.
♪ ♪
Yes?
- Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee
are suing Penthouse.
Guccione's planning
to run images from the tape
in the magazine.
♪ ♪
Now is it news?
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Oh, honey,
how could you not tell me?
I would have told you
in no uncertain terms,
do not do it.
- Well, the lawyers--
every single one of them--
said to sue.
- Of course they did.
They're lawyers.
- And Tommy.
Tommy did too.
- Another alpha male.
- We had to defend our rights.
It sets a bad precedent.
- Who told you that,
the one in the red tie
or the blue paisley?
- Well, you try saying no
to a roomful of men.
- Honey, I do it all day long.
Yeah, well, you know what?
I guess it's easier
for some women.
- No.
It's not easy for any woman.
We are programmed from birth
to say yes to men,
but it is a skill
you gotta learn.
I mean, this is just...
ugh.
- It's buried toward the back.
I mean...
maybe nobody will even see it.
Right?
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ Ah, ah,
ah, ah ♪
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah,
something ain't right ♪
The hell?
- You believe that?
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ I'm gonna get myself,
I'm gonna get myself ♪
♪ I'm gonna get myself
connected ♪
♪ I ain't gonna go blind ♪
♪ For the light
which is reflected ♪
♪ I see through you ♪
♪ I see through you ♪
♪ I see through you ♪
♪ I see through you ♪
- Guys?
♪ Your dirty tricks ♪
♪ You make me sick ♪
♪ I see through you ♪
Cut!
Okay, I need this to move
a little bit this way.
♪ Gonna do it again ♪
- Ah!
Okay, I can move myself.
♪ I'm gonna do it again ♪
Great.
♪ Gonna do it again ♪
♪ Gotta do right ♪
♪ 'Cause something
ain't right ♪
♪ Gotta do right ♪
You want some?
It was the right move.
He was gonna do it
whether we sued or not.
Least now there's a chance
of stopping him.
Will you please say something?
You're seriously
not gonna say anything?
Come on.
- Please don't.
- I'm trying.
I feel like nothing I do
is good enough for you.
I mean, I can't win.
What do you want from me?
What else do you--
- Don't. Just shut up.
Shut up!
Shut up!
Just shut up!
♪ ♪
- It's one stupid
little article!
I can be bad.
Oh!
It's my first time.
♪ ♪
Oh, you want
to see a little more?
I can show you a little bit.
Oh, yes.
You want me to be your bitch?
I mean, what if I take it off?
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
- No.
Fuck Seattle.
This is Pam.
And this is--
No, Tommy!
Seriously.
This is Pam.
Please leave a message!
Hey, Pamela, it's Gail.
I just tried your cell.
Listen, give me a call.
It's about Glamour.
I just got a call
from my person there.
Just, um--
Yeah--yeah, just call me.
Oh, speaking of Bob Dole,
yesterday the senator
attacked President Clinton's
record on crime, yeah.
Yeah, he said Clinton talks
like Dirty Harry
but acts like Barney Fife.
- Night, babe.
Yeah, apparently
this is Dole's way
of connecting
with the youth vote.
Let's see.
What else is going on?
Oh, yeah, I don't know
if you guys heard about this.
You heard about this?
Apparently there's a love
tape going around
of Pamela Anderson
and Tommy Lee.
Mm, yeah.
Yeah, a video showing
the two of them doing
all sorts of X-rated things
to each other on a boat.
Mm-hmm,
apparently they spend most
of the video
completely naked, yeah.
Or as Pam likes to call it,
work attire.
Yeah, boating safety experts
are praising Pam for the tape.
In it, she sports not one
but two flotation devices.
Big ones.
Real big ones.
She'll float.
She'll float forever.
We got a great show
for you tonight.
The Goo Goo Dolls are here.
Stick around.
We'll be right back.
♪ ♪
Well, we had
this conversation.
Look, we filed
a continuance,
so we don't have to deal
with that right now.
♪ ♪
Hold on one second.
Lorraine?
- Yeah?
Is this the only page?
- Uh, yes.
Why?
- I gotta call you back.
♪ ♪
- Um, okay.
"Pursuant to rules 26 and 30
of the California rules
of civil procedure,
you are hereby notified
tat on April 24, 1996,
at 10:00 a.m.
counsel for defendants
will take the deposition
"of Pamela Anderson Lee
upon oral examination."
What?
Why is it just me?
- Maybe they come separate.
I don't know why they need
to talk to either of us.
We're the fucking plaintiffs.
What's there to say?
That's our shit.
Quit it.
Doesn't matter.
We're in this together.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Doo-doo-doo,
doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ Doo-doo-doo,
doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ Doo-doo-doo,
doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ Doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ I'm packed and I'm holding,
I'm smiling ♪
♪ She's living, she's golden,
she lives for me ♪
♪ Says she lives for me,
ovation, her own motivation ♪
♪ She comes round
and she goes down on me ♪
♪ And I make her smile
like a drug for you ♪
♪ Do ever what you want to do,
coming over you ♪
♪ Keep on smiling
what we go through ♪
♪ One stop to the rhythm
that divides you ♪
♪ And I speak to you
like the chorus to the verse ♪
♪ Chop another line
like a coda with a curse ♪
♪ Come on like a freak show,
takes the stage ♪
♪ We give them the games
we play, she say ♪
♪ I want something else ♪
♪ To get me through this ♪
♪ Semi-charmed kind of life,
baby, baby ♪
♪ I want something else ♪
♪ I'm not listening
when you say ♪
♪ Goodbye ♪
♪ Doo-doo-doo,
doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ Doo-doo-doo,
doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ I want something else ♪
♪ ♪
The tape.
- Fuck the police!
We'll get our own guy.
- Let me do some digging here.
Ah!
- Where the fuck
do I find this guy?
- He's not here.
Don't worry.
He'll turn up eventually.
Seattle.
Let me guess--webcams.
- Very good, yeah.
They say it's
the future of porn.
- And I would agree with them.
I love you so much.
There's a bunch
of camera guys sitting around
watching us have sex.
Do you have any idea
how humiliating it was?
You're being way too chill.
Every second that passes,
this tape could be spreading.
- Baby, we will get it back.
This'll all be fine!
- Hey, Tommy?
- You did the right thing
by coming in.
♪ ♪
Hey, gorgeous.
My God.
Just driving, baby.
Uh.
Fuck.
Look at my beautiful husband.
I love you!
- What's up?
What's up?
Whoo!
- Did he just honk a boat horn
with his penis?
- Yes, he did.
- The jokes,
they write themselves.
- He's never gonna go for it.
- Jay loves dick jokes.
He did two years straight
on Bobbitt.
- Do you think
it's too risqué or...
- Not too risqué.
Too obscure.
If Uncle Jim and Aunt Susie
in Duluth don't know about it--
- You do the shittiest Leno.
♪ ♪
- Come in.
- Got a sec?
It's all over town.
They're selling it online
through a website.
There's so many angles to it:
technology, celebrity, privacy.
- Are you pitching a story?
- Why not?
- The Los Angeles Times
is not doing a story
on a sex tape.
- A celebrity sex tape
that's being commercially sold.
- I'm confounded by what aspect
of this you consider news.
- It's totally news.
Nothing like this has ever--
- I'm sorry, Alicia.
You want to write a story
about Pam Anderson
having sex on a boat,
you're free to go write
for the National Enquirer.
- Oh, shit.
You have it?
He goes, "Are you sure
you don't want a stunt double?"
I'm like, "Hell no.
Put me on that motorcycle.
Let's go."
I mean, what choice do I have?
I mean, you try finding
a stuntman
that matches my measurements.
- It feels like you and Barb
have a lot in common.
- Yeah.
Well, no--well, I hope so.
I mean, she's kind of my idol.
- What would you say is your
favorite thing about her?
Oh, God.
Good question.
Um, I guess I would have
to say her...toughness.
- Yeah?
Yeah, you know, no matter
what life throws at her
and no matter how bad it gets,
she just...
fearlessly powers through.
- Do you feel like you
take after her in that way?
- I mean, not to pat myself on
the back or anything, but yes.
Definitely.
You know,
when something bad happens,
all I want to do is move on,
move past it, put it behind me,
you know?
- Does that usually
work out for you?
- Bad stuff happens, you know?
What's the point
in dwelling on it?
♪ ♪
Tommy.
- Hey.
- What are you doing?
♪ ♪
I was, um--
I was, you know--
- Baby.
- Come here.
Oh.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
You want to know a secret?
Yeah.
- I'm really...
- Yeah.
- Sad.
♪ ♪
- I know.
Me too.
- You seem fine.
- Tommy, I'm not fine.
I'm just--
I'm distracted.
- How'd it go?
- The Glamour interview?
- Yeah.
- It was great.
We spoke for, like, two hours.
- Wow.
- I can't believe I'm actually
gonna be in a women's magazine.
Ooh.
- I'm so stoked for you.
- Thank you.
It's exciting.
- Hey.
- Yeah?
- I was thinking, uh,
maybe I could
make dinner later.
- I can't tonight.
I'm going out.
- You are?
- I'm sorry, baby.
Remember, it's that...
Entertainment Weekly thingy.
Oh, that's tonight.
- Yeah.
Hmm.
- Come on.
- Hey, sure.
- You can do it.
- Of course.
Fuck it.
Of course.
Come on.
- ♪ 'Cause the love
that you gave that we made ♪
♪ Wasn't able
to make it enough ♪
♪ For you to be open wide ♪
♪ No ♪
♪ And every time you speak
her name, does she know ♪
♪ How you told me you'd
hold me until you died ♪
♪ Till you died,
but you're still alive ♪
♪ And I'm here to remind you ♪
♪ Of the mess you left
when you went away ♪
♪ It's not fair to deny me ♪
♪ Of the cross I bear
that you gave to me ♪
♪ You, you, you ♪
- Refill, por favor!
♪ Feels so nice ♪
♪ All girls should have
a real man ♪
- The fuck is this shit?
- It's Sleater-Kinney.
So fucking good.
♪ I don't want
your kind of love ♪
♪ I don't wanna
join your club ♪
♪ I don't want
your kind of love ♪
♪ If you had it
in your thighs ♪
♪ You'll see that it
feels so nice ♪
♪ You wait, you'll come
every time ♪
♪ I'm not that dumb,
I don't wanna ♪
♪ I don't wanna
join your club ♪
♪ ♪
- Oh, shit.
Tommy fucking Lee.
'Sup, brother?
Yo, big fan, man.
Ah, thanks, bro.
- Yo.
- Oh, that tape.
That's the best thing
you've put out
since "Girls, Girls, Girls,"
yo.
- "Girls, Girls, Girls."
That was 1987.
Yeah.
Yeah.
- And you think that's
the best thing I've done
in nine years?
- Oh, no. No, no.
- Sounded like you said--
- That's not what I meant.
- No, that's what you said.
You fuck!
- Hey, hey, hey!
You fuck!
Get off me!
Get off me,
you motherfucker!
- We start tonight
with the latest antics
from Motley Crue drummer
Tommy Lee.
The notorious bad boy rocker
got himself thrown out
of The Viper Room
early this morning
after getting into
an alleged altercation
with a pair of men
in the club's restroom.
Eyewitnesses said Lee,
the hubby of Baywatch babe
Pamela Anderson, appeared
to be highly intoxicated
as he was forcibly removed
from the infamous
Sunset Strip nightclub
by security personnel.
This is not helpful.
Everything he does
reflects on you.
If he is a train wreck, you are
a train wreck by association.
I understand.
- Classy A-list actresses
do not have this stuff.
You don't see Hard Copy doing
a story on Sandra Bullock's
husband getting tossed out
of The Viper Room.
- No.
No, I get it.
I'll talk to him.
It won't happen again.
- I hope not,
for your sake, Pammy.
What was it about anyway?
- Um...
- The fight?
What?
- Um, well, it's nothing.
Um...
- Pamela?
It's nothing.
It's nothing. It's--
- Is there something
I should know about?
Jesus.
- I mean,
it's super underground.
I mean,
barely anybody knows about it.
- How many copies
have they sold?
I don't know.
I mean, 20, 50.
Has anybody written
about it yet?
- Oh, you mean press?
No.
I don't think so.
You don't think?
- I mean, I haven't exactly
combed through newsstands.
Did you do a web search?
- No.
- A bunch of publications
are on there now.
Started, like,
three months ago.
The whole paper,
in computer form.
That's crazy.
Look, I mean, I--
I somehow doubt they're writing
about a sex tape.
- Maybe not
The New York Times.
Star Magazine
has a website,
National Enquirer,
USA Today.
You can search
through all of them at once.
Any mention of the tape from
any publication with a site.
- I can't look. I can't look.
All clear.
- Oh, God.
Thank God.
No news.
Just the links to the video.
- That's good.
Wait.
Links?
♪ ♪
Oh, no.
It's spreading.
There's a half dozen
different websites selling it.
- Well, maybe he's got
a bunch of fucking websites.
- With, um...different prices,
different addresses,
different cover art.
People are making copies.
- We'll figure it out, baby.
- "Figure it out."
Tommy, you just--
God,
you just don't fucking get it!
- Get what?
- It's too late!
Train's left the station.
- Okay,
so what do you want from me?
- What do I want?
I wanted you to handle it.
- Well, I did my best,
all right?
I did the best
I fucking possibly could.
You sure about that?
- What the fuck's
that supposed to mean?
- Maybe, on some level,
you wanted this to happen.
- Excuse me?
- Maybe you like the attention.
- That's insane.
- Yeah, or maybe you're scared.
- Oh, I'm scared.
- Yeah, of me.
You're scared of me
and my career!
- Oh, my God,
that's right,
'cause you're about to blow up,
right?
Right?
And I'm fucking your shit up.
And I'm scared
of getting left behind!
Oh, my God.
That is fucked up, Pamela.
That is seriously fucked up
that you would even--
even think that.
- I'm not saying
you'd do it on purpose.
- So then what, subliminal?
- Yeah, maybe.
- All I do is root for you!
I want you to be huge!
I want you to be the biggest
fucking movie star
in the entire fucking world.
- Thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
I fucking hope so.
- You hope so?
- Yeah.
- You hope so.
- Yeah.
- Jesus Christ.
By the way, I sold
100 million fucking albums!
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Fuck!
- What's up, Rose?
- Hi, Tommy.
They're all here.
- Are they?
Even Vince?
- Believe it or not.
- Whoo!
You're in B.
- B?
- Fucking stripped down.
You know, raw,
Almost like kind of punk rock
but with kind of, like,
a blues boogie vibe.
Yeah.
- Yeah, I like that.
Early Aerosmith.
- Yeah.
That's what I was thinking.
- Yo.
Fuck's this studio B shit?
A's booked, man.
- By who?
Hi.
Hi.
Hey.
Who the fuck are you guys?
- Third Eye Blind.
♪ ♪
- Well, I got bad news for you,
Third Eye Blind.
Studio A is Motley Crue room.
- Really?
That's funny,
'cause we're booked into it
for the next six weeks.
- By who?
- Our label.
- Who the fuck's your label?
- Elektra.
- Elektra.
Hmm, that's--
that's our label, Nikki.
- Fuck, man.
- Yeah, what the fuck?
They book these ass clowns
in the big room over us?
- Guess so.
Sorry, man.
- Doesn't matter.
♪ ♪
The hottest toy this season
is something called
Tickle Me Elmo.
Apparently millions of children
are dying to get their hands
on the doll which gives off
a high-pitched giggle
when you touch it.
Children touch it,
and it giggles with glee.
I thought there was
already something that fit
that description:
Michael Jackson.
Funny, I think
we already did it, though.
What else?
Julia Roberts
and Lyle Lovett
are filing for divorce.
Apparently
the breakup is mutual.
Lyle wanted his freedom, and
Julia finally bought glasses.
- That's good. That's funny.
What else?
- A tape of Pamela Anderson
and Tommy Lee is going around
depicting the two of them
engaged in all sorts
of X-rated sex acts.
Pamela offered no comment
on the matter.
Not because she refused
but because she still
doesn't have the feeling back
in her jaw.
What tape?
- There's this sex tape.
It's all over the place.
- People are making copies
of it, playing it at parties.
- Oh, yeah, where?
In Laurel Canyon?
- Hey,
it's bigger than you think.
A lot of people know about it.
- Who knows about it?
Uncle Jim and Aunt Susie
in Duluth?
I mean maybe not them,
but--
But who?
Oh, cat's got his tongue.
All right,
let's come up with more stuff.
Come on, you guys are writers.
Let's go, what else?
- All right, uh, Attorney
General Janet Reno says
the FBI's closing in
on the Unabomber.
♪ ♪
- Hello.
Uh, Mr. Lee?
- Who's this?
Hi.
Um, uh, hello.
Hi, my name is Alicia Krentz.
I'm with
the Los Angeles Times.
- The L.A. Times.
What do you want?
- Um, I don't know if you've
been getting my messages,
but I've been trying to reach
you for about a week now.
Okay.
- I was hoping to talk
to you about the tape.
- You want to talk
about the tape?
If you have a couple minutes,
I'd love to just
get your opinion.
- My opinion
on getting fucking burgled
and having to deal
with assholes like you?
Fuck off!
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
- It was stolen--the tape.
It was in a safe stolen
from their house.
It's not clear if whoever
took it was targeting the tape
or if they just happened
to stumble upon it,
but either way,
it was definitively stolen.
They did not want
this out there,
and they certainly
did not want it sold.
Speaking of which,
there's more
than the one site
selling it now.
Pirated copies are sprouting up
all over the web.
Bootlegs
of a stolen celebrity sex tape.
I get your reluctance, given
the admittedly tawdry nature
of it all,
but I am telling you, Bert,
this is news.
♪ ♪
- Bob, when you have a minute,
you really should see this.
♪ ♪
Is this for real?
- It's the realest thing
you've seen in a long time.
♪ ♪
- Everything's gonna be okay.
♪ ♪
The tape is gonna go away.
♪ ♪
And Barb Wire's gonna be
the biggest movie in the world.
Tommy's new album's gonna be
the biggest album in the world.
♪ ♪
And we're gonna
get pregnant again.
♪ ♪
And we're gonna have a long
and happy marriage
and a beautiful family.
♪ ♪
Everything's gonna be
beautiful and perfect...
forever.
♪ ♪
Pamela!
Pamela!
Whoa.
Hey, what?
- Bob Guccione,
he's got the tape.
Wait, what?
- Fucking shit never ends.
Wait.
What are you talking about?
Mickey just called me,
and Donna's best friend
Kimberly was Penthouse
Pet of the Month last December,
and she heard from somebody
at the mansion
he's got ahold of it.
- Well, where did he get it?
- No idea, but all I know
is, we're suing the shit out
of him.
- Suing him for what?
- For what he's gonna do.
What's he gonna do?
- Um, if I had to guess,
fucking running pictures.
- What? No--from the tape?
I mean, think about it.
He'd do anything
to stick it to Hef,
and what better way than
running a bunch of porno shots
of Hef's golden girl,
Ms. Playboy herself?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Maybe somebody just gave it
to him,
and he watched it,
that's it.
You know, he might not be
planning anything.
- I thought you were the one
that was obsessed
with shutting this shit down.
- I am, I am, I am.
God, I am.
I just--
come on, suing Penthouse
when we just--
we don't even--
- Let's just talk to a lawyer,
right?
Get a professional opinion.
- A lawyer.
Yeah.
Let's just see what they say.
Who knows? Maybe I'm wrong.
- Tommy's absolutely right.
This calls
for swift preemptive action.
We file an invasion
of privacy lawsuit
against Guccione
and the magazine
while simultaneously
requesting injunctive relief.
- Injunctive relief?
The judge makes sure
they don't publish
any images from the tape,
and if they defy
that order, then--
- We bring down
the shit hammer.
Okay,
um, yeah, but the tape,
it's stolen property.
I mean, wouldn't it be illegal
for him to run pictures
from it?
- You think that scumbag
gives a fuck about legal?
- He could always play
the First Amendment card.
Freedom of speech.
Freedom of the press.
- Totally, he loves that shit.
I'm just--I'm concerned.
- What--what--
what's your concern, Pamela?
- My concern is,
if he's not planning
to do anything and we sue,
he could suddenly decide
to do it to get back at us.
Plus, if we sue, it puts
all this attention on the tape.
It could turn it
into something way bigger
than it would have been,
and it kills off any chance
of the whole thing, you know,
staying underground
and just kind of fizzling out
on its own.
You know?
- Yeah.
You need to sue.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
If you don't defend
your rights--
- It'd be a dangerous
precedent to set.
- You'd effectively be
letting them dictate
what you can and cannot print.
♪ ♪
- This is about
freedom of speech.
♪ ♪
The First Amendment.
Nobody's robbing Bob Guccione
of his God-given right
to free expression.
Pull 20 frames,
the nastiest bits,
and draw up a press release.
Penthouse has
the Pamela Anderson sex tape
and is publishing stills.
They want chicken, let's
play some fucking chicken.
♪ ♪
Yes?
- Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee
are suing Penthouse.
Guccione's planning
to run images from the tape
in the magazine.
♪ ♪
Now is it news?
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Oh, honey,
how could you not tell me?
I would have told you
in no uncertain terms,
do not do it.
- Well, the lawyers--
every single one of them--
said to sue.
- Of course they did.
They're lawyers.
- And Tommy.
Tommy did too.
- Another alpha male.
- We had to defend our rights.
It sets a bad precedent.
- Who told you that,
the one in the red tie
or the blue paisley?
- Well, you try saying no
to a roomful of men.
- Honey, I do it all day long.
Yeah, well, you know what?
I guess it's easier
for some women.
- No.
It's not easy for any woman.
We are programmed from birth
to say yes to men,
but it is a skill
you gotta learn.
I mean, this is just...
ugh.
- It's buried toward the back.
I mean...
maybe nobody will even see it.
Right?
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ Ah, ah,
ah, ah ♪
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah,
something ain't right ♪
The hell?
- You believe that?
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ I'm gonna get myself,
I'm gonna get myself ♪
♪ I'm gonna get myself
connected ♪
♪ I ain't gonna go blind ♪
♪ For the light
which is reflected ♪
♪ I see through you ♪
♪ I see through you ♪
♪ I see through you ♪
♪ I see through you ♪
- Guys?
♪ Your dirty tricks ♪
♪ You make me sick ♪
♪ I see through you ♪
Cut!
Okay, I need this to move
a little bit this way.
♪ Gonna do it again ♪
- Ah!
Okay, I can move myself.
♪ I'm gonna do it again ♪
Great.
♪ Gonna do it again ♪
♪ Gotta do right ♪
♪ 'Cause something
ain't right ♪
♪ Gotta do right ♪
You want some?
It was the right move.
He was gonna do it
whether we sued or not.
Least now there's a chance
of stopping him.
Will you please say something?
You're seriously
not gonna say anything?
Come on.
- Please don't.
- I'm trying.
I feel like nothing I do
is good enough for you.
I mean, I can't win.
What do you want from me?
What else do you--
- Don't. Just shut up.
Shut up!
Shut up!
Just shut up!
♪ ♪
- It's one stupid
little article!
I can be bad.
Oh!
It's my first time.
♪ ♪
Oh, you want
to see a little more?
I can show you a little bit.
Oh, yes.
You want me to be your bitch?
I mean, what if I take it off?
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
- No.
Fuck Seattle.
This is Pam.
And this is--
No, Tommy!
Seriously.
This is Pam.
Please leave a message!
Hey, Pamela, it's Gail.
I just tried your cell.
Listen, give me a call.
It's about Glamour.
I just got a call
from my person there.
Just, um--
Yeah--yeah, just call me.
Oh, speaking of Bob Dole,
yesterday the senator
attacked President Clinton's
record on crime, yeah.
Yeah, he said Clinton talks
like Dirty Harry
but acts like Barney Fife.
- Night, babe.
Yeah, apparently
this is Dole's way
of connecting
with the youth vote.
Let's see.
What else is going on?
Oh, yeah, I don't know
if you guys heard about this.
You heard about this?
Apparently there's a love
tape going around
of Pamela Anderson
and Tommy Lee.
Mm, yeah.
Yeah, a video showing
the two of them doing
all sorts of X-rated things
to each other on a boat.
Mm-hmm,
apparently they spend most
of the video
completely naked, yeah.
Or as Pam likes to call it,
work attire.
Yeah, boating safety experts
are praising Pam for the tape.
In it, she sports not one
but two flotation devices.
Big ones.
Real big ones.
She'll float.
She'll float forever.
We got a great show
for you tonight.
The Goo Goo Dolls are here.
Stick around.
We'll be right back.
♪ ♪
Well, we had
this conversation.
Look, we filed
a continuance,
so we don't have to deal
with that right now.
♪ ♪
Hold on one second.
Lorraine?
- Yeah?
Is this the only page?
- Uh, yes.
Why?
- I gotta call you back.
♪ ♪
- Um, okay.
"Pursuant to rules 26 and 30
of the California rules
of civil procedure,
you are hereby notified
tat on April 24, 1996,
at 10:00 a.m.
counsel for defendants
will take the deposition
"of Pamela Anderson Lee
upon oral examination."
What?
Why is it just me?
- Maybe they come separate.
I don't know why they need
to talk to either of us.
We're the fucking plaintiffs.
What's there to say?
That's our shit.
Quit it.
Doesn't matter.
We're in this together.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Doo-doo-doo,
doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ Doo-doo-doo,
doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ Doo-doo-doo,
doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ Doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ I'm packed and I'm holding,
I'm smiling ♪
♪ She's living, she's golden,
she lives for me ♪
♪ Says she lives for me,
ovation, her own motivation ♪
♪ She comes round
and she goes down on me ♪
♪ And I make her smile
like a drug for you ♪
♪ Do ever what you want to do,
coming over you ♪
♪ Keep on smiling
what we go through ♪
♪ One stop to the rhythm
that divides you ♪
♪ And I speak to you
like the chorus to the verse ♪
♪ Chop another line
like a coda with a curse ♪
♪ Come on like a freak show,
takes the stage ♪
♪ We give them the games
we play, she say ♪
♪ I want something else ♪
♪ To get me through this ♪
♪ Semi-charmed kind of life,
baby, baby ♪
♪ I want something else ♪
♪ I'm not listening
when you say ♪
♪ Goodbye ♪
♪ Doo-doo-doo,
doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ Doo-doo-doo,
doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ I want something else ♪
♪ ♪