Packed to the Rafters (2008–2013): Season 5, Episode 1 - Answering the Call - full transcript

In life, we answer
a lot of calls.

Calls of nature,
calls of duty.

And of course,
those more obvious ones.

Hello. Julie Rafter.

Nathan! Hey! How are you?

Where are you?

What? What time is it?

Some calls are welcome.

Some, less so.

Hello. Julie Rafter.

Light bladder leakage?
No, I...



Who am I speaking to?

And some, just
plain intriguing.

Yeah, hello.

Oh, hi, darling.

What? Okay.

We'll be right out.

-Oh.
- What do you think?

Hey, great.

-Very eye catching.
-Turned a few heads

-on the way.
-Yeah.

What time are you
picking Coby up

-from the airport?
-Uh,

-after the Graham Street job.
-Rightio.

Well, can't wait to hear
about this trip.



-Yeah.
-Hey, good luck

-with the interviews.
- Hey.

Hey, bubba. How are you?

Oh, hey, I thought
we'd retired Miss 1994.

Uh, yeah,
I thought so too,

but Matt's obviously
had other ideas.

-Hmm.
- Oh,

I wonder whatever
happened to Celeste?

-Probably a grandmother.
-Yeah,

unlike my beautiful
and ever young wife

-who's about to turn--
-Another year older.

It's no big deal.

Now the first applicant's
here at 10:00,

so I might just go
and get this one changed.

Okay.

- Oh,

hang on that's my phone.

Who's that?

Oh, Ben.

Are you excited?
Only one more sleep.

Oh, I'm excited about having
most of my beautiful family

-with me to celebrate.
- Oh, look at you.

You mean Rachel.

- No, and you.
-Yeah, right.

Oh, and Nathan will be
with us in spirit.

He says hi by the way.

Oh, cool.
I'll Facebook him.

Anyway, I just wanted
to let you know

Shanghai Express
is all booked.

-Ah...
- What?

Well, oh no,
it's just...

It's one of my readers.

Readers?

How many thousands
do you have hanging off

your every word now?

Uh, 42.

Forty-two people
who need to get a life.

I've warned the restaurant
it's a Rafter birthday,

so they're putting
the plastic down.

Oh, that's nice.

- Are you even listening?
-Hmm?

There'll be an extra
special surprise.

Hmm. Right.

I'll give you a clue,
sex on legs.

What?

What? What are you up to?

If I told you,
it wouldn't be a surprise.

Oh, Ben.

I better let
you go, blogger.

Catch you later.

God.

What's bugalugs up to?

Oh, I've no idea but...

Martha68 is so funny.

Don't you have
interviews this morning?

Huh? Yeah, this'll just
take a minute.

Yeah.

It was lovely
meeting you, Roger.

We'll be in touch,
probably sometime tomorrow.

No worries. Thanks again.

Okay.

Well, he was
a barrel of laughs.

I'm not looking
for a comedian, Jules.

Well, just as well
and he was early.

Well, it shows
he's keen and hey,

it's not his fault
that you were typing

-to madmanuel600 all morning.
-Oh, I was not.

Yeah, Roger's a nice bloke.

All his qualifications
are there,

-good references...
-Yeah, so there's two more

to go, so let's wait and see.

I'm going to get
Rachel's room ready.

She should be hopping
on a plane about now.

I know, so when the next
applicant gets here,

-can you...
-I'll give you a hoy.

-Thank you.
-And stay off the computer,

-would you?
- Oh.

Hello, sweetie.

Here he is.

-Hey.
- The great white

-traveler returns.
-G'day, Bootsie.

Oh, it looks like
I'll be seeing

-a whole lot more of you.
-Oh, yeah,

well, you had a spare room
and I suddenly needed one,

-all good.
-I am telling you,

there goes our nice
quiet life.

Are you ever going
to unpack these boxes?

Yeah, yeah,
all in good time.

So mate, you're back
home early.

-Yeah.
- Isn't there anything

about Europe you liked?

Yeah, flying out of it.

What about the French women?

They were too...

-French.
-Italians?

A pack of drama queens.

Well, hey,
what about the Germans?

Don't get me started.

Oh, you really
are a sophisticated man

-of the world, aren't you?
- You better believe it.

If anyone tries
to tell you this ain't

the best country in the world,

they are talking
out their bum.

-Well, how's Nathan?
- Oh, you know,

poncing around practicing
his Romanian

to speak to the ladies.

Wait, don't tell me
he's getting lucky?

No, fluky more like.

Oh, that's why
you're back home early,

you couldn't hack
the competition.

What? Hey, bingo,

don't say I never
got you nothing.

Oh.

Uh...

so you couldn't have
got us one from overseas?

No, they don't make them
like they do here.

So I'm going to go
have a shower.

Hey, look, I've got
the rest of the day off,

how about I give you
a hand unpacking?

-Love to.
-Right.

But I'm in the cab.
Got a pick up booked.

See you tonight.

Oh, man.

-I was reading in the paper

about this new virus
called BAD.

-Oh?
-Yeah,

Blog Addiction Disorder.

Oh, it's just a bit
of harmless fun.

No offense,
but I don't understand

why ordinary people
think their lives

are so interesting
that the rest of us

-want to read about them.
-Oh, well,

I guess there's
something appealing about

a shared experience.

Here look,

"Dear Vintage Mum, my--"

That's a bit rude, isn't it?

No, no, no,
that's what I call myself.

"My two-year-old
has the very same habit.

Very comforting to know
we're not alone.

Keep up the good work,
Frazzled."

Fair enough, but try

and get some fresh air
now and again, eh?

You sound like Dave.

- Yeah.
-You going out?

Yeah, I'm taking Cooper
to the flicks.

Some sci-fi blockbuster.

Oh. Have fun.

You too.

Yeah, hello, Julie Rafter.

Rachel!

I just finished
getting your room ready.

Oh.

Okay. I'll let
the restaurant know

we're one less.

Catch you later, Mum.

Rachel just bailed
on the party.

-Oh, no.
-You're kidding.

-Why?
-Work or something.

-Hey, can you do me a favor?
-Yeah, sure thing.

Can you get in touch
with your cousin Nemo?

I want to book him
as our star attraction.

As Elvis or Tom Jones?

-Tom Jones.
-Yeah, my favorite.

-Mum's too.
-Okay, I'm lost.

He's an impersonator.
One of the best.

Isn't that weird
spending your life

pretending to be someone else?

I mean, what if there'd never
been an Elvis or a Tom Jones?

Oh, he'd be left doing
Johnny Farnham.

So, I can leave
that up to you?

Tomorrow night,
Shanghai Express.

No probs. I didn't know
Mrs. Rafter had a thing

-for old Jonesy.
-Yeah, it's in her blog.

Cousin Nemo better
watch out then.

He's real authentic.

Yeah, got to go.

How's your assignment going?

Yeah, good. Can you believe
this is my last one?

Soon, I'll be out
in the real world

looking for a job.

And you'll get one like that.

Well, to win it,
you've got to be in it.

Yeah.

When life calls,
we get a choice.

Answer it...

or play safe
and pretend not to hear.

What are you
looking at, dickhead?

Yeah?

You must be Elisha.

I'm Ted. Cooper's mate.

Oh, hi.

You're not as old
as I thought.

Must be one
of my good days, eh?

Is Cooper here?

Cooper, your mate's here.

Your dad at home?

He's at work.

You want to come in?

Oh, I'd better
wait here, thanks.

Enjoying the holidays?

Not really.
Bored off my face.

Where are you guys going?

To the movies.

What are you going to see?

Not sure yet.

Can I come?

Oh, well, I'd need your dad's
permission for that.

He wouldn't care.

Rules are rules, sorry.

Let's go.

You have a good day.

Have you thought about
what you want to see?

Well, thanks for
coming in, Lars.

-We'll be in touch.
-No worries.

- Cheers.
-Thanks. See you.

Nice kid.

He's way too inexperienced.

Yeah, Roger's still
looking pretty good.

Ah, don't write off
the last one.

What's his name?

Um, Frankie Calasso.

He sounds like a gangster.

If I don't hire him,
he'll take a hit out on me.

- Hi.
-Hi.

Dave Rafter?

Oh, Frankie?

Hi, I'm Julie.
We spoke on the phone.

Oh, Julie, hi.
Lovely to meet you.

This is
my husband, Dave.

Close your mouth, sweetheart.

Frankie...

Well, Francesca really,

but only my mum calls me that

and only when I'm really,
really in trouble and...

I'm babbling, sorry.

I'm a bit nervous.
Nice to meet you.

-Yeah.

Would you like
a tea or a coffee?

Um, yeah,
coffee would be great.

-Uh, milk, four sugars.
- Okay.

-Four?
-I know.

At least I've cut
down from six.

-Not too good

on the waistline.

Not that you've got
any problems with that.

Oh, you know what?
It's a lovely day outside.

Why don't we chat out there?

- Yeah.
-Great, yep.

So, I got my ticket
working for my dad.

It was a family run business.
Mum did the books.

Oh, just like
this one.

Mm. You worked
with him a long time.

Mm-hm. Ten years.

-Wow.
-Time for a change, eh?

Yeah, well, Dad died
a couple of months ago.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

That must be really
hard for you and the family.

Yeah, um, anyway.

What are you like
at digging trenches?

Dad reckoned
I could out dig most blokes,

although he might've been
a little bit biased.

Yeah, but isn't that why
we employ Matt?

Matt's our laborer.

Not on site for every job.

Yeah, but you know beforehand
how physical it's gonna be.

Hard work doesn't worry me.

Well, no, I'm sure.
These references are glowing.

Yeah, well, we had a lot
of loyal and happy clients

and I know I can bring

-most of them with me.
-Oh.

Well, we've got
plenty of work,

so that's why
we're putting someone on.

But it never hurts
to increase your client base

and I'm sure there's a lot
of people that would prefer

-a female electrician.
-No BO, no bum crack.

-What's not to like?
- Yeah.

All right, Frankie,
well thanks for coming along.

We're still seeing
other people,

so we'll let you know
when we've made a decision.

Okay, okay.
Nice to meet you both.

Right, yes.

And if you could
give me a chance,

-I won't let you down.
- Sure.

-Well, I'll see you out.
-No, no, no.

That's okay. I know the way.

- Okay.
-Cool. Thanks.

-Bye.

What other people?

Just something you say
at job interviews.

Well, I thought
she was very impressive.

Compared to Lars, but she's
not a patch on Roger.

Oh, because he's a bloke?

No, because he's a more
qualified electrician.

On what grounds? Being older?

No, he just seems
a little bit more--

What, male?

Sensible. Come on, give me
some credit, Jules.

Look, she is the best
candidate for the job

and you know it.

She's young,
she's enthusiastic,

-she's friendly.
-She might cause

-a few problems in the team.
- How?

I don't know. What if Matt
takes a shine to her?

What, so Frankie
gets passed over

because Matt's a flirt?
How's that fair?

It's all right for you
to talk, but you're not

the one who has to be out
on the job all day.

I have to consider
these things.

And despite what
you might think,

there is still a lot
of heavy physical work.

Right.

There is.

Life can come calling
in many different guises.

When it does, is it a call
we're ready to take?

And in Italy,
if you ask for pineapple

on your pizza, they looked
at you weird.

-It's unbelievable.
- Yeah, no class.

I mean, you didn't get to see
the Sistine Chapel?

No, oi, and they
don't drink beer,

just all wine and this neat,
neat rocket fuel stuff.

Uh, hello?

Hello there.
No deal, no deal.

- G'day, lads.
-No deal, no deal.

Oh this is...
this is Mrs. Montague.

Call me Jean, love.

I picked her up.

No, in my cab.
As a fare.

No, she's having a bit
of trouble remembering

where she lives.

So, you brought her here?

Well, I couldn't just leave
her in the gutter somewhere.

Well, why didn't you take her
to the cops?

Well, I tried that.
She's not having a bar of it.

Well, she got
a license or something

-with her address on it?
-Trust me,

we've been down
that path and no,

she's not in the phonebook.

Any clues there, Jeanie?

Any street names
popping into your head?

-Coronation Street.
-You beauty!

I haven't seen
that program in years.

Is she for real?

Oh, I need to wash my hands.

Where's the little
girls room?

Down the hallway,
second on your right.

And definitely not
any other room.

-Do...
-What?

Seriously, she's on the brink
of remembering.

-It won't be long.
-What is it with you

-and picking up strays?
- Oh, don't tell me

-you've done this before.
-Yeah, what about that

Ugandan guy,
Mr. Yungyungyung.

Mr... -denga

and that was
an honest mistake.

He thought Boots
was holding him prisoner.

Oh, we ended up great mates.

All right,
come on, Jake.

If we've got to put up
with the old coot,

we're at least
watching the game.

Come on, it's our couch.

Let's go, boys.

Oh.

Where's Andrew?

The game show host.

Last week, he danced the zorba

with a man from Bankstown.

If the lady wins,
she's building a patio.

-Cobes.
-Hmm.

-Yeah.
-Hmm.

Good boy.

The mega guess
will be any minute.

Number 22.

I think I've got $20.

-A fire?
- Yeah,

they're out of action
for at least two weeks.

Oh, but we always have
my birthday

-at the Shanghai Express.
-No trust me,

the new venue will be just
as good, wherever that is.

Darling, if it's all
too hard.

No, Mum, we're celebrating
your birthday no matter what.

Like a cup of tea, Emma?

-Oh, no, thanks.
-Yeah, we've got to go.

Emma's got an early start.

So just watch your space
and don't worry.

All right.

-Bye.
-Goodnight.

- Ta-ta.
-Night, kids.

You've got to admire
his enthusiasm.

Yes, well, let's just
hope his surprise

-is cancelled as well.
- Surprise?

Yeah, something
he's organizing.

I hope it's not embarrassing.

-Sex on legs.
-A bit like me.

Well, if you say so, darling.

And I'm not embarrassing.

If you say so.

I am going
to fold my tent.

I've had a big day.
See you tomorrow.

Night, Dad.

Night, Ted.

Well, first Rachel canceling
and now this.

Maybe we should just
forget all about

-my birthday this year.
-Hey, just leave that,

come and sit down
here with me.

-Oh, but I--
-Come on.

Come on.

Oh.

-Just so quiet.
-Hmm, nice.

Hmm.

You remember when Ben
finally moved out?

Remember how we felt
back then?

Yeah, before the other two
came rushing back.

Yeah.

We were quite excited
from memory.

Hmm, and a bit scared.

I feel like that now,
a bit scared.

Oh, Jules you've just got
the birthday blues.

Come on, Jules.
These are exciting times.

The business is booming.

We've got our health,
we've got each other.

-Mm-hm.
-You've got your blog.

Yeah, I know.

I'm just being silly.

Look at you, you're obsessed.

No, no, it's just that
I posted a new entry

about the perils
of potty training.

-Oh.

-I just hope they like it.

-Go on, go.

So, why did he
blow up the embassy?

Well, he was a spy.

Really? I thought
he was a gardener.

No, no, that was
just his cover.

Very convincing.
He knew his plants.

- Hmm.
-Well,

you better get going,
Mrs. Montague.

It's getting late.

But I'm having a lovely time
with you boys.

Well, people will be
worried about you.

-Who?
- Well, your family.

Oh, no, I don't have
any family.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

-There's my daughter.
-Oh, well, great.

-What's her number?
-She's in the navy.

What time is it?

Bed time.

Okay. Yeah, good.

What is she
still doing here?

-I'm sorry if I'm a burden.
-Oh, look, no Jean--

I think better
in the morning.

I'll remember where I live,
you'll see.

Goodnight, pet.

Straight down
the hallway, yeah?

Okay, this is insane.

We are going to get
charged with abduction.

She just needs
a good night's sleep.

-She'll remember.
-And what if she doesn't?

Well then, we split
the rent four ways.

No, no, no, very funny.
No. No, no, no.

First thing in the morning,
we're taking her to the cops.

Okay, okay, fine.

And you are sleeping
on the couch?

-What do you reckon?
-Oh.

I hope she doesn't wet
the bed, pet.

Jules?

Oh, sorry, did I wake you?

-What are you doing?
-Well, I couldn't sleep,

-so I thought I'd--
-Tell your fans

you couldn't sleep?

You know, it's amazing
the response

to Ruby's potty training.

There are so many
mums out there

going through the same thing.

Yeah, I guess
that's good to know.

Yeah, and look,
my 51st follower,

"Love your blog, Vintage Mum,
keep up the great work."

Isn't that nice?

Let me guess, Hotpants74.

No, no, no, look,
an actual proper name.

- Adam Goodman.
- Hmm.

You know what they say,
a good man--

-Is hard to find, yeah.
-Hmm.

Actually not so hard.

I found one
and I'm not letting him go.

Hmm.

Oh, and happy birthday,
by the way.

-It's just gone midnight.
- Oh.

Any grey hairs up there yet?

None that I can see
through the bleach.

Oh.

-Come to bed.
-I will in a sec.

I'll just finish this.

Jeanie.

Good morning, love.

I hope you don't mind,

I borrowed one
of your T-shirts.

Oh, yeah.

How'd you... How'd you sleep?

Wonderful, thank you.

Although, I think your sheets
need changing.

-Oh...
-Not me, you.

Oh, yeah, fair enough.

Here you go.

You are a legend.

So, did you remember
where you live?

A house. With a garden.

Oh, that narrows it down
to about a million.

With a white letterbox.

-Half a million.
- It will come to me.

Morning, boys.

Uh...

Boots, enough's enough.

-Yeah, rightio.
-No, I'm serious.

We have to take her
to a police station

or a hospital or anywhere,
but here, now.

Who'd like
some pancakes?

-What?
-They're in the oven

keeping warm.

Oh, Jeanie, you didn't.

Who didn't?

All right, but she has
to be gone.

Here. Eat them
while they're hot.

-All right.
-By the time we get home.

-Ooh, ahh.
-Nice work, Jeanie.

Birthday girl
get breakfast in bed?

Yeah, she did.
She's a bit tired.

Spent a bit long on the
blogosphere last night.

I hope you don't
have to stage

-one of those interventions.

-Hey.

Good morning, love.

-Happy birthday.
-Aw, Dad,

you didn't have
to do anything.

-Of course I did.
-Aw.

"To the best daughter
anyone could hope for."

It's true.

Your mum would be
proud of you.

She's looking down on you
right now, I know it.

-Yeah, me too.
-Hmm.

Oh, look,
it's a gift certificate

for a massage and a facial.

Well, you deserve
a bit of pampering.

Well, I better
rattle my dags.

School hols means
no rest for a great mate.

-Okay.
-I'll catch you later.

Thanks. Bye.

-You okay?
-Oh, yeah,

just birthdays always
remind me of Mum.

She always used to make
such a fuss.

Anyway, anymore thought
on the new female sparkie?

Yeah, I've... I've decided

-to go with Roger.
-What?

-Thanks for consulting me.
- And it's not because

-I'm a sexist pig.
-Oh, don't be so boring.

I just think
that he's the best choice.

Well, I disagree.

Don't make me play
the birthday card.

Oh, you wouldn't dare.

Well, why was I even
at the interviews?

Well, just in case
I couldn't make up my mind.

Now look, I better make
a move too.

-Are you sure you're okay?
-Oh, yes. I'm fine.

Go and earn a living.

-You don't look a day older.

The first
of your birthday calls.

Mm.

Hello. Julie Rafter.

Karen, hi. How are you?

No, what?

Oh, God.

Alison Sharp.

Beloved wife to Steve,
a loving mom to Jason,

Dominic and Ruth.

Yeah, she was out
with her family

and just dropped dead.

Heart attack.

But I think
I never met her?

No, I...
I haven't seen her for years.

It's still a shock though.

She was my best friend
at primary school.

We used to sit next
to each other every day.

And now, it's her funeral
on my birthday.

Are you going to go?

Yeah, I'd like to.

Well, you should.

You know, you just...

Never think you're going
to grow up and then just...

-Sorry.
-You okay?

I'm just thinking
about her kids.

Look, go to the funeral

and I'll take Ruby
to day care.

♪ For she's a jolly
Good fellow ♪

♪ For she's a jolly
Good fellow ♪

♪ For she's a jolly
Good fellow ♪

♪ And so say all of us ♪

-Happy birthday, Jules.
-Thank you.

Hey, the intrepid traveler
returns. How was it?

-I hated it.
- How's Nathan?

Good. You just spoke
to him yesterday.

Yeah, I know.

And that's from both of us.

I chipped in.

They're bath bombs.

Oh, it's...
Thank you. Sorry.

Yeah I told you,
you tight ass.

It's good that you're going.

These things are important.

That's the risk you take

when you answer a call.

You never know
which direction

it could send you.

This party's going to be

bigger than Ben-Hur.

Don't do that again.

It's dangerous.

Hi, Donna.

Thanks for sorting
the boat club.

No problem.

Is everything okay?

Make sure you've got
the same number of each color.

-Mum--
-Well if you don't,

you know it'll drive me crazy.

Sure, drive.

Sorry?

Nothing.

Well, what can I take?

-Uh, maybe some balloons?
-Mm-hm.

-Is the cake all sorted?
-Yes.

I've ordered their largest.

They say it'll feed 60.

You really expecting 60?

I sneaked a look
at Mum's old address book,

invited everyone
she ever knew.

I've already had 37 replies.

-Oop.

Thirty-eight.

Oh. Hey, Dad.

Yeah, mate. Look,
your mother just found out

that an old school friend
of hers has passed away.

Oh. Is she okay?

Yeah, she's all right,

but tonight don't go
too overboard.

Just family and a few
close friends, yeah?

Yeah, sure.

Okay, mate. Take it easy.

Morning, Elisha.

-Cooper home?
-No.

Do you know where he is?

He's gone to the shops
to get some smokes.

Do you want to come in?

Are you expecting him home
any time this century?

Probably.

Then I'd better wait out here.

Fine.

Good morning, Cooper.

Hi.

Elisha's not a happy camper.

Did you two have a fight?

No, it's just her.

-You ready to go?
-Laser tag?

I've got my doubts
about laser tag.

It's awesome. You'll love it.

I also love the zoo,

which is where we're going.

Hello?

♪ Little birds
Sing so sweetly ♪

♪ Little birds carry a tune ♪

♪ Little birds may be tiny ♪

♪ But little birds
Can fill the room ♪

♪ You've got red robins ♪

♪ And little blue wrens ♪

♪ Plain brown sparrows
And martens ♪

♪ Sunbirds, weavers
Warblers, larks ♪

♪ And this little bird... ♪

Answering
a call is one thing,

but sometimes
you're the one making it.

"Needing someone to talk to."

♪ Everything you need ♪

♪ You have it here ♪

"Let me tell you
about my beautiful friend,

Alison."

♪ I'll spread my wings ♪

♪ And I'll be gone ♪

- Arncliffe?
-I don't think so.

-Bexley?
-No.

-Chatswood?
-Boys.

You've got to be kidding me.

Uh, Denistone?

-Eastwood?
-No, no.

Greystanes?

Hurstville?

Hurstville.

That's where you live?

No, but my nephew does.

Well, do you know his number?

Or is it Hurlstone Park?

Mrs. M, look,
as magnificent as it is

having you around,
you can't stay here forever.

-Why?
-Well, because we've got

-a party to go to and--
-Where?

You're not invited.

It's at the boat club.

The boat club,
I like it there.

Nice and close.

To where?

To my house.
Only five minutes.

Uh...

Uh, Hunter Street?
Acacia?

-Station? Reynolds--
-Reynolds, that's it.

Number 11.

That's where you live?

Lived there for 40 years.

Oh, Jeanie, oh!

You are a champion!

Let's go.

Come on.

Yeah, your mom was right.

Martha68 really is very funny.

Hey, when did you get home?

Oh, a while ago.
Didn't want to wake you.

Oh, only lay down
for a minute.

How was it?

Sad, but joyous too.

Those poor kids,
they all made speeches.

Yeah. Why don't you go
and draw Vintage Mum

a picture.

Go on draw a picture.

Yes.

-It's me.

I hope you don't mind.

No, no, it's there to be read.

I thought what you wrote
about Alison was amazing.

Really?

Yeah,
and I'm not the only one.

Thanks.

Well, it's time to get
ready for the party.

Oh, yes, my birthday.

Yeah, imagine,
hanging out with real people.

-Do you think you can cope.

Run me a bath
and I'll cope with anything.

Your wish is my command.

Hey, hey, babe,
have you seen my pants?

-Ah, oops, Sorry.
-Ow.

-That's all right. Pants.
-Okay, sorry.

Two people cannot get dressed
in this room

at the same time, not without
donking each other.

No, we don't usually donk.

Carbo, this room
might've been fine

for a growing boy
but let's face it,

it's far too small
for a happily married couple.

Ah, is that what you're doing?

You're deliberately donking.

I think we need
a bigger place.

What are you talking about?
This place is massive.

Not this room.

Why don't we move
into your parents' room?

Oh, no way.

-No, no, sorry.
-Why not?

Since it's empty 360 days
of the year.

Uh, Retta, if you want us
to have sex again,

we cannot move
into my parents' bedroom.

Yeah, well take
the furniture out

and put it in storage.

I mean, you can't put
the walls in storage,

the floors,
the ceiling in storage.

-Okay, Carbo, breathe.
-Retta--

But I just can't make
my parents' bedroom

our bedroom. I just can't.

It's okay, it's okay.

-You don't have to.
-Good.

We'll just get our own place.

Uh, yeah, about that--

- How do I look?
-Hot.

- And a final touch.
-Oh.

A glass of cold bubbles.

-Happy birthday.
-Aw.

Thank you.

I think the last time
I sipped champers in the bath

was after Ben moved out.

Yeah, it seems like
a lifetime ago.

Hmm. It does.

Oh, can't we just have
a quiet night in?

No, Ben's gone
to a big effort.

We have to show.

Yeah, you're right.

Well, I'll leave you to it.

No, no, don't go.

I won't be far.

Just call out
if you need a top-up.

Okay. Thanks.

A hot bath,
a glass of champagne,

and a gorgeous husband.

It should be enough.

Of course it is.

Balloons are up,
the signs are all finished.

It looks great.

Now, all we need
is the birthday girl.

-Emma, who are they?
-Oh, some anti-smoking group.

They hired the big
function room.

They've brought a coffin.

It's a prop,
part of their display.

On the day Mum
went to a funeral?

Hmm, I agree, it's bad timing.

It's the worst timing
in the universe.

Hey, mate,
about the decoration--

-Thank God Mum's running late.
-Oh, no, they just pulled up.

-They're right behind us.
-What?

Quick, shoo, shoo!
Go, go, go.

Go, go, just go, go,
go, quick.

Keep going.

Go!

-Hey.
-Hi.

Mum. You're all ready.

Yeah, yeah, I thought
we're fashionably late.

No, you're not late at all.

In fact, you couldn't
be more on time

-if you tried.
-Everything all right?

Yeah, it's great.
Hunky-dory.

-Hi. Happy birthday.
- Hey!

Oh, thanks, Emma.
You look gorgeous.

Aw, thank you.
So do you. Come in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, come in.

Oh, darling, it looks lovely.

-You went to so much trouble.
-Not really.

Anyway, you're worth it.

Hang on just a sec.

What's wrong?

You know how I ordered
a cake for 60?

Yeah.

Sixtieth?

I don't understand.

I was very specific.

Well, maybe we can take
the writing off.

It's worth a try.

Here, I'll take those.

Give it your best shot.

Oh, thank you.

-Happy birthday.
-Thank you.

Uh, excuse me,
I'd just like to say

a few words before we have
too many of these.

Oh, here we go.

Yeah, yeah, you'll keep.

Um, I just wanted
to say to, uh--

There you are!

I've been looking
for you everywhere.

Who are you looking
for, Jean?

My daughter, of course.

Shouldn't we go
and say something?

Oh, no, no, no, mate.
No, no, no.

Excuse me.

I can't believe
you're another year older.

I still remember
when you were put into my arms

for the first time.

You gripped my finger
so tight.

No love,
this isn't your daughter.

It's okay.

I'm so proud of you.

You all right, love?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Anyway, um, I'd just like

to thank you all
for coming here tonight

and especially Ben
for organizing all of this.

-Cheers, Dad.
-Yeah, good on you, Benno.

But most importantly,
I'd like to thank

-my beautiful wife, Julie.
-Oh.

Just for being born.

Sex on legs, anyone?

Oh, cousin Nemo.

I told you to cancel him.

You just hand these out,
sexy undies.

Something for the ladies
to throw on stage.

Um, darling, what's going on?

Tom Jones.

♪ Love is like candy
On a shelf ♪

♪ You want to taste
And help yourself ♪

♪ The sweetest things
Are there for you ♪

♪ Help yourself, take a few ♪

♪ That's what I want you
To do ♪

♪ Just help yourself
To my lips ♪

♪ To my arms to say the word
And they are yours ♪

♪ Just help yourself
To the love, in my heart ♪

♪ The smile has opened up
The door ♪

♪ The greatest wealth
That exists in the world ♪

♪ Could never buy
What I can give ♪

♪ Just help yourself
To my lips ♪

Oi, tell me they are not hers.

♪ And then
Let's really start to live ♪

♪ Just help yourself ♪

Yeah!

I haven't laughed so much
in a long time.

-There you go.
-Thank you.

-Cheers.
-Cheers.

Hmm.

Hmm.

-Hear that?
-Yeah.

Silence.

Not too scary?

No, not scary.

Mm.

I can't believe that
we have been at home

for almost five minutes

and the computer's
still turned off.

I'll post a report for Nathan
and Rachel tomorrow.

Tonight's ours.

-Oi.

I haven't thanked you enough
for all your help last night.

It was fun.

Although, Mum keeps
finding pairs of knickers

in weird places.

Carbo, you don't get it!

I get it!
I get it loud and clear!

She wants to move out.

I want our own place,
yours and mine.

Yeah, a shoebox on a highway
next to a railway line.

- Not necessarily.
-Under the flight path?

All houses in Sydney
are under the flight path!

Ugh! In the middle of nowhere,

that's all we can afford.

Well, at least it'll be ours.

You guys agree, don't you?
You want your own place?

Leave us out of it.

Emma agrees with me,
I know she does!

Oh, look, okay,
how about this?

When you get a job,
we start saving a deposit.

-Do you mean it?
-Absolutely.

Do you want
to help me practice

-for my job interviews?
-Yes.

Are you going to wear
those little glasses?

-Yes.
-And those boots?

Yes.

So, what experience
have you had?

Um, well,
I like to think

I'm really enthusiastic
about...

-Oh, man.
-It's okay.

Sorry.
I don't even think about it.

I know, and you have
every right to wear it.

Of course you do.

But it makes you feel
uncomfortable?

I understand, really.

Here.

It's just a ring.
It's fine, honestly.

I'll keep it
in a drawer upstairs.

No, are you sure
you're okay?

Absolutely.

I'm going to make
another coffee.

-Do you want one?
-Sure.

Oh, the new
sparkie's dropping off

her paperwork today.

-Did you say her paperwork?
-I did.

Oh, and what made
you change your mind?

Well, I still think Roger
is the best man for the...

Oh, sorry,
person for the job.

But?

But after much consideration--

He's no longer available,
is he?

-No.
- Good old Roger.

This Frankie better work out,
that's all I can say.

What, and I suppose it'll
be my fault if she doesn't?

-You said it.
-Mm.

No, no, no, no.
I take full responsibility.

-After all, I am--
-You are the boss.

-I am the boss, yes.

Would you like me
to take over?

No, no, no, I'm fine.

Come on darling,
have some fruit.

Oh, go on.
It's killing me

watch you fight
your addiction.

Thanks.

Oh, it's Rachel.

She wants to know
how the party went last night.

I doubt if a photo of our
Tom Jones'll do him justice.

Ah, there's one here
from Adam Goodman.

Did he want a photo too?

-Hey.
- Yeah.

Oh, I don't believe it.

A woman?

Okay, okay, get it
out of your system

before she gets here.
I want you all

to be on your best behavior,
all right?

Great, now I get to be
bossed around by a sheila too.

She's just another sparkie.

Frankie.

-Hi.
-Hi, come in.

Uh, this is Jake,
our senior electrician.

-Hi.
-G'day.

- Coby, our apprentice.
-Hey.

- Nice to meet you.
-Matt, our laborer.

Welcome aboard.
Anything you need,

do not hesitate to ask.

Thanks, Matt.

Hey, are you all set?

Yes. Dad's going to drop
Ruby off at day care.

-Oh, Frankie, hi. Welcome.
- Thank you.

As requested,
that's my details

-and trade certificates.
-Oh, thanks.

Now, Julie's got a job
interview too. Tell them.

No, no,
it's probably nothing.

A newspaper editor wants
to talk to her

-about something.
-Oh.

-It's just the local paper.
-Adam Goodman.

Oh, well, you know
what they say, a good man is--

Yes, well,
it's just a coffee.

He probably just wants me
to write an article about moms

-who blog or something.
-That's great.

She's a dedicated blogger.

Well, should eat more fiber.

-Oh...

-Good luck, Jules.
-Thanks. Bye.

Well, this is exciting, eh?

It's a bit terrifying.

Go and knock her socks off.

-I love you.
-I love you too.

Cooper, your mate's here.

Where are you going today?

Haven't decided yet.

Take us too.

It's not fair.
I don't get to go anywhere.

Elisha, I explained before.

If it was up to me,
it'd be fine.

-Cool.
-But it's not.

And there are
very strict rules. I...

I'd love to, but I can't.

I won't tell anyone.

Elisha.

Well then, how about
you give me some money

and I can go have my own fun.

I can't do that either.

-Sorry.
-You're not sorry.

Give us some money
or I'll say you touched me.

-What?
-I'll tell the cops.

Everyone will think
you're a dirty perv.

No one'll believe you.

Want to bet?

-What's going on?
-Nothing.

Let's go, mate.

Adam? Goodman?

-Julie Rafter?
- Yes.

Nice to actually meet you.

-Well, face to face.
-Hi.

Well,
it's a bit weird actually.

Well, you know, there's
so many things about me,

I'm starting to wish
I hadn't been so honest.

Ah, well, I wouldn't
worry about that.

You're downright demure
compared to some

-of the bloggers out there.
-Oh.

Although
I will say your entry

about your battle with tinea

skated a little close
to the line.

Well, lucky, I deleted

the one about light
bladder leakage.

Oh, I can't believe
I just said that.

Which I don't have by the way.

Well, I'll take your
word for that one.

Yeah.

So was that,
is that why I'm here,

to talk about my blog?

-No.
- Oh.

No, it's actually not.

Well, I have
a proposition for you.

Oh.

A column?

Five-hundred words each week.

-When do you start?
-Well now,

as soon as I can come up
with an idea.

I mean, it's just
a trial basis initially

-but if the readers like it...
-Well, of course they will.

You couldn't have asked
for a better birthday present.

Aw, you're always
so supportive.

Hey, it's all your own doing.

You're going to be a
huge success, I know it.

Fingers crossed.

Well go on, answer it.

The day you're having
it could be a movie deal.

Oh, yes.

Hello. Julie Rafter.

That's the tricky thing
when life comes calling,

knowing when to answer.

Yeah, no, no, thanks.
Not interested.

And when to let it go
to message bank.

Call center in Mumbai.

There's nothing wrong
with Bollywood.

♪ We are supposed to go ♪