Outsourced (2010–2011): Season 1, Episode 22 - Rajiv Ties the Baraat: Part 2 - full transcript

A wedding to remember in the season finale.

on Outsourced...

It says that the wedding starts
on Friday and ends on Sunday.

Yes, it lasts
all weekend.

You're practically best man now.
Do you know what that means?

Throw the bachelor party.

All right,
let's go to the room.


Just give me one minute.

Please, sir!
Please help me!

She's a hijra!

What's a hijra?

I think you refer
to them as transgender.


Let me explain.

It's the night
before your wedding.

How dare you
be with another woman?

Who wants boobie
Jell-0 shots?

No, Charlie, not now.

Oh, got it. Show time.
Now, that's a stripper.

That is my fianc?!

Rule number one,
never fall in love with the talent.

Get me out of this!

This will go smoother if you tell
us upfront what she doesn't do.

I won't stand here
and be humiliated.

Then, you're in the wrong
line of work, honey.

Charlie, shut up!

Let's go.

Vimi. Mr. Mehta.
Please. Let me explain.

How can you explain this?

Tomorrow is supposed to be the
most special day of our lives,

and you've disrespected
me like this?

I would never
disrespect you.

This is some stupid
American tradition.

It has nothing to do you.

Oh. I just found this
down by the pool.

What a crazy raft, huh?

Rajiv, I don't know
what to do.

Why is it always
white people?

Rajiv, I am so sorry.

This was not supposed
to happen.

Do you realize
what you've done?

Vimi is an innocent flower.

Because of your
perverted nonsense,

she may never see me
the same way again.

Great news, everyone.

I'm in love with Ashlynn.


Did you hear that, Todd?

He's in love.
Quick, make him look like a deviant.

Strap him to the
chair of ruination.


If it's okay, I'd like to
borrow the chair of ruination.

We've already ruinated
everywhere else in the room.


It worked.

I thought the poem you
wrote was very romantic.

But, we work together,

we practice
different religions,

is it really worth
risking our jobs

and our relationships
with our families?

I'll think about it
and get back to you.

Let's continue.

Well, I've woken up
next to worse.

Someone just smart-assed his
or her way out of breakfast.

I'm still in Mumbai.

That looks good.
Really good.

Thank you.

Thank you for
including Ashlynn.

She really wants
the full experience.

It's our pleasure.

I'll be waiting in the room,
counting the minutes.

Before I go, is there
anything I can do for you?

Well, my gum has totally
lost its flavor,

and I don't want to
mess up my hands.

Shh. Say no more, my love.

This gum is as tasteless

as the things you did
to me last night.

Hey. Any luck?

Vimi did not answer
her phone this morning,

and now I can't
find her anywhere.

The band is setting up.
The guests are arriving.

What if she
changed her mind?

What if she doesn't
want to marry me?

What can I do to help?

Do you know where
the gift table is?

Yes. Good.
Go to it and see if someone

gave us a time machine.

I get it. And set it to
before the bachelor party?

No. You must
go back much further.

Go back to your father's
bachelor party

and impose the same
humiliations upon him,

thereby ruining his
wedding to your mother

and negating your
very existence.

When I see you fading
away before my eyes,

I will know you
have succeeded.

You and Manmeet seem to
be hitting it off.

Yeah, it's been
an amazing trip.

I came to do the whole
Eat, Pray, Love thing...

I haven't had time
to pray yet.

Although I did
scream, "Oh, God,"

a few times last night.

What are we laughing about?

Hey, do you know how long it
takes to get to Agra?

'Cause after the wedding,
I'm going to see the Taj Mahal.

Oh, Manmeet didn't tell us that you
guys were taking a trip together.

Oh. He's not going.

This is my Manmeet
portion of the trip.

But there's still plenty of
the country I want to see.

Well, what about Manmeet?

Oh, I've already seen
all of him.

Have you guys?

What sort of an
outfit are you running?

If you haven't started
cooking the food,

I should not be
charged for it.

I've given you enough warning
to cancel the dinner.

It's not possible, sir.
Not possible.

Then I want to speak to the
manager right now, immediately.

No, no.

Nothing's being called off.

Excuse me?
You have no say in this.

Yeah, I do.
The whole thing is my fault.

The bachelor party
was my idea.

You can't put this
on Rajiv.

Do you know how much
this will cost me?

The tent, the bar?
Feeding everyone?

Three hundred
chicken plates,

three hundred
vegetarian plates,

and one slow-cooked
rotisserie lamb

special-ordered by
some idiot named Gupta.

I have never been this
hungover in my life.

Not me.
I don't get hangovers.

Alcohol just doesn't have
that much of an effect on me.

You see
the unicorn, right?

No, no, no, no.

That's the horse
Rajiv will ride

into the ceremony to make
his grand entrance.

Uh, he's tense.

No, he isn't.

Trust me. I come from
a long line of horse men.

We grew up braiding their tails,
cleaning their hooves,

artificially stimulating them
to collect their seed.

The trick is to be gentle

until the horse
requests otherwise.

This doesn't happen often,
but you just creeped me out.

I can see that.

Oh, oh. See the ears?

This one is skittish.

He could throw Rajiv
and ruin the wedding.

He needs to relax.

Watch and learn.
This works every time.

I'm so in love with you

Whatever you want to do

Is all right with me

Because you make me
feel so brand new

Horsey, no!

Run, Charlie! Run!

Vimi. I understand if you
don't want to talk to me.

You have always been
so pure of heart,

and after my immoral
behavior last night,

I have embarrassed
you and myself

in the eyes of
your father.

But I promise you,
it will never happen again.

Tell me you will
still be my wife.


I am begging forgiveness.

Don't touch me!

I know. I'm a monster.

No, my henna is drying.

Your bridal henna?

The wedding is still on?

Of course it is.

I was worried
after last night,

you wouldn't want
to marry me.

At first, I was mad.

But I gave it some thought
and I realized

we've all done
foolish things.

You are so forgiving.

I mean,
we've all had our fun.

We've all had fun.

How much fun have you had?

I'm just saying that
before we were together,

I might have
done some things that

I wouldn't have wanted
you to walk in on.

I love you, Rajiv.

I'll see you
at the ceremony?

I'm so happy.

Me too.

I don't know where
those lips have been.

You must be very
proud of Rajiv.

I'm so happy.

We tried to arrange
his marriage.

But nobody
would take him.

Father, I will be out in a minute.

So was Vimi pissed
about the bachelor party?


Vimi does not judge people
on their indiscretions.

As it turns out,
she's had a few of her own.


My innocent flower may have
already been plucked.

Oh. Rajiv, so what if
she's not a virgin?

Please. I do not want
to speak of this.

I wish I could
un-hear it.

Do me the kindness of
changing the subject.

I just had the most
mind-blowing sex ever.

Oh. Manmeet, no.
Not now.

What do you mean, not now?

I've been waiting my entire
life to talk about sex

that I was actually
involved in.

What's the
matter with him?

Well, Rajiv just
found out that

Vimi's been with
other men.

I think he's trying to
get his head around it.

Oh, tough break.

Ashlynn is amazing.

Hey, Todd, we did
all the positions.

Me on top, her on top...

All of them.

Well, no. You got the...

What were you going to say?


No. Yeah.
That's all of them.

Here, horsey!
Neigh! Neigh!

This is your fault.

This is what happens when you
try to turn a solo into a duet.

Calm down.
I'll find the horse.

You have to.

Rajiv can't walk into a ceremony.
It's tradition.

He has to be elevated
above the crowd.

Look, I've got this.

I've been tracking animals
my entire adult life.


Oh, he's a crafty one.

Looks like he
put on flip-flops

and he's walking
on his hind legs.

We're close, Gupta.

We're very close.

Hey. Can I show
you something?

I want your opinion.


Oh, that is beautiful.

It was my grandmother's.

And I'm going to
give it to Ashlynn.

She means so much to me.


We have something we want to
talk to you about.



This isn't easy
for me to say,

but are you sure Ashlynn
is right for you?

Maybe there's another
woman out there,

who could make you happier
in the long run.

Oh, Madhuri,
I... I understand.

Good. Because I really,
really care about you.

And I care about you.

Just not in that way.


I think you're
a great person.

And someday,
you'll meet someone.


I have a boyfriend.

Yes. I do.

That's cute.

Hey, Asha.

I never thought I'd say this,
but I'm digging the turban.

I've got my keys and
my wallet up here,

so I have my hands free to
do the chicken dance later.

Wait. What's the matter?

Sunil isn't
going to make it.

He had another last-minute
business meeting.

Oh. Well, he's a
hard-working guy.

It's part of why
you picked him, right?

It's always some excuse.

And if I'm second to him now,
what's it going to be like

when we're married?

Yeah, I don't really
know the guy, but...

He's an idiot if he's
taking you for granted.

MR. MEHTA: Where is Rajiv?

He has disappeared.

If he's not here
in 20 minutes,

I will find another groom
for my daughter

faster than you can open
a Pizza Hut in China.


I have two.
And they're doing quite well.

It's the cheese-stuffed crust.

Blows their minds.

Excuse me.



Hey, have you guys
seen Rajiv?

Yeah, he's down
by the rocks there.

Oh. What are...
What are you doing?

What's with the carrots?

Uh... You haven't seen
a white horse, have you?

You mean the one that Rajiv is
supposed to ride into the ceremony?

No, no, no, no, no.

Not necessarily.

There are a bunch of
horses around here.

We just wanted
to pet one.

Yeah, it's a big horse beach.

Yeah, we lost it.
Oh, God.

Gupta, you're
my plus-one, man.

You can't do this
kind of thing.

Honestly, Todd?
You knew the risks of plus-one-ing me.

I guess you're right.

This guy.
I know.


What are you doing?
Everyone's waiting for you.

Tell them to go home.

I cannot marry Vimi.

Come on, girl. Come on.

This is so much better
than a horse.

We're running out of

Oh. Why are you
spelling it?

If she finds out
we're out of carrots,

she's going to
stop following us.

Damn it,
I didn't spell it. Oh.

Do you think she'll
shave before the wedding?

We could ask.


Come on, Rajiv.
Everyone's waiting for you.

You know, since I met you,
it's been Vimi, Vimi, Vimi.

And you're about to marry her,
and now you're going to

throw it all away because
she's had a few boyfriends?

It's a total
double standard.

It's not a double standard.

It is. Vimi's not
upset with you

because you've had
a few past girlfriends.

I've never had
other girlfriends.

Okay. Well...

But it's not like
you've never...


You've never had sex?

Well, I...
What about... No.

How about...

Oh. Wow.

Oh. Wow.
Well, that explains...


I don't expect you
to understand.

As an American,
you spent your youth

robbing women
of their virtue.


No, every girl I've ever been
with had already been robbed.

I've always been proud
that I saved myself

for the woman
of my dreams.

But now,
I feel like a fool.

Vimi has more money,
more friends,

and now, I find out she
has more experience, too?

It's just another way
I will let her down.

You've never
let her down.

You wanted to impress her,
so you got a great job.

You wanted to impress her dad,
so you became manager.

Sure, she was
the motivation.

But along the way,
you turned yourself

into one hell of a catch.

I guess I did do all those
things on my own.

Of course you did.

When you set
your mind to something,

you go out and you get it.

Let me tell you this:

If Rajiv Gidwani wants
to bone Vimi all night long,

I guarantee he will.

Don't speak of
my wife like that.

Your what?
What did you call her?

My wife.

My wife.

Time to get married.

Be honest. Do you think
I have what it takes

to make it last
with Vimi?

Rajiv, it's
your first time.

You'll be lucky to get
your pants off.

I was talking about
the marriage.

So... So... So was I.

Hey, guys.

Hey! Hey, what happened
with the horse?

Oh. An elephant is
far more regal.

Yeah, they use them in
Indian weddings all the time.

How do you know?

Because we just stole it from
a real fancy one up the beach.

I'm so happy for Rajiv.

He finally has Vimi.


Mmm. He didn't let anything
get in his way. Mmm-mmm.

He listened to his heart.

Oh, excuse me. My turn.

Like a bird!


Good moves,
Todd and Asha!

Oh, Gupta. Who gave
you a camera?

Ah, the married couple.

I'm so happy, I almost don't
feel like yelling at you.

Charlie. Don't start something
you can't finish, man.

Manmeet, why aren't you
dancing? What's the matter?

I told Ashlynn I loved her,
and she left me.

She broke my heart, man.

She did that to you
at a wedding?

That's horrible.

Yes, it is.

I almost don't feel
like dancing.

Oh, come on.

I'm back!

No Indians were harmed
in the filming of this video.

Bye-bye for now!