Our Cartoon President (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 5 - Mental Fitness - full transcript

Our Cartoon President must prove his mental fitness after declaring nuclear war with Portugal while the cast of Fox and Friends transforms their show into more cerebral content that doesn't flame the president's insanity.

[BRITISH ANNOUNCER] Please welcome

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth

and the guest of honor,
the American President,

Donald Trump.

Wow, the two royal
families together at last!

We have so much in common...

inherited wealth, sexual perversion.

Let's get this out of the way...

yes, I said Meghan Markle is "nasty".

In my defense,

every time I'm about to be
a guest in someone's house,



I get into a public feud
with their granddaughter.

This suit is tight.

I'm gonna have to peck my way
out of it like a baby chick.

Today, I am honored

to sit next to the late,
great Barbara Bush.

This is just like my semester abroad,

only I haven't tried to
Amanda Knox my roommate.

Happy 75th D-Day anniversary, everyone.

To celebrate, we're grabbin'
our sunscreen and big umbrellas

and headin' to Omaha Beach.

Try to ignore Stephen Miller,

who will be honoring the
fallen on the other side.

Ohh, I'm so fucking hot.

We won't be honoring John McCain,



who refused to fight in World War II

because of the lame excuse
that he was a toddler.

Thank you to my advance
team for throwing tarps

over all the gravestones
with the name "John"

so I don't get grumpy
and have a bad beach day.

They're gonna have to cut me out
of this suit over several hours

so I don't get the bends.

I'm so jet-lagged!

I just wanna go back
to the hotel and sleep!

I'll be back in time for the luau!

For the last time... there's no luau!

Ugh! This vacation sucks!

So let's toast to our
nations' eternal friendship

as we live out this scene from
a 1980s R-rated comedy called...

I don't know... Boner-In-Chief.

- [APPLAUSE]
- Uh-oh.

That drink had a bubble. Hit the deck!

- Oh.
- Oh! That is so much better.

Uh-oh, here come the bends!

♪♪

Aah! Klobuchar!

♪♪

♪ Three white people on a couch ♪

♪ It's Fox & Friends ♪

[TRUMP] The Midwest was starving

- before I signed legislation...
- Right.

... to make chickens
the size of mailboxes.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, right, right.

And not the blue mailboxes either...

- Okay.
- ... the weird locked mailboxes

- next to the blue ones...
- Sure.

... that the mailman hides his lunch

- and nighttime clothes inside. Y...
- Okay.

Good news... Mr. President Trump

is about to break his record

for longest uninterrupted call-in ever!

They're installing suicide nets

outside the closed-caption
office as we speak!

[TRUMP] And it's not just the Mexicans

that are pouring over our borders...

- Go off, girl!
- It's the Portuguese, too,

but I don't see Jim
Acosta reporting on them.

Jim Acosta is an old family friend,

but now I hate his guts!

[TRUMP] I say we drop
the big one on Portugal.

[WHISPERING] What? What
is he talking about?

Let's nuke Jim Acosta,
too! If he's in Portugal,

we can do a two-for-one
and save on shipping.

So, if you want to grow
an extra arm this weekend,

head downwind from Portugal!

♪♪

Does President Trump's nuclear threat

mean he has gone full-on cuckoo bananas?

A new poll shows 80% of
Americans describe him

as "... unstable as a college freshman

who drags his mattress off the bed frame

and sleeps in the closet."

Here to comment is Democratic
presidential candidate

Senator Elizabeth Warren.

Chuck, the President's erratic behavior

poses a threat to the entire world,

and that is not some
buttonedup senator talking

it's laid-back,
beer-swillin' Lizzy Warren.

Wow, that is warm.

Or, could this be Trump's first move

in a nine-dimensional chess game?

- Absolutely not.
- Well, only time will tell.

No, Chuck, he's dangerous.

Only time will tell. Thank you, Senator.

♪♪

Geez, everyone's calling me a whack job

just because I
threatened to nuke Norway.

Portugal, sir.

We know I'm not a details guy.

- [RUMBLING]
- [ALL SCREAMING]

- Oh, no, no, no, no!
- The rapture is upon us!

I can't wait to spend eternity in Heaven

sorting buttons with Karen Pence!

Relax, Rapture Randy.

I just ordered a little
ballistic-missile test

to make sure the seat
of Jim Acosta's pants

stays coated in pee-pee.

Whatever color pills you ate
today, eat a different color,

or it's 25th Amendment time!

Is that the one where you
have to say if you're a cop?

It's the one where we
yank you out of office

for acting like a loony toon.

So someone grounded and
rational like Mike Pence

- becomes president.
- [PENCE] I understand, God.

I still have more
buttons to sort on Earth.

♪♪

[BRITISH ACCENT] Cheerio.

Leaders around the globe
held an emergency summit

to discuss President Trump's
threat to annihilate Portugal.

We've obtained audio from
the closed-door meeting...

[MACRON] The European
Union will act decisively

to neutralize this tyrant!

[MERKEL] We take the whole
"ranting mad-man" thing

pretty seriously here
in Germany, you know.

[PUTIN] Oh, come on, he misspoke!

Isn't Trump allowed one mistake?

No matter who I threaten,
Dr. Ronny, I just can't win!

They've got it wrong...
I'm a very stable genius!

According to my Brain-O-Meter,
class-action lawsuit pending,

your brain waves are pulsating

at 720 kilowhirls per miliyear.

And that's good, right?

Oh, off the charts, kilowhirl-wise.

I knew it! Just give me a doctor's note

saying I'm not a danger
to myself or others,

or I'll do something
real bad to both of us.

So why did you threaten Portugal, sir?

I was just doing some
thermonuclear free association

with my Fox & Friends, and it stuck.

Now I have to do it or no
one will take me seriously,

and if no one takes me seriously,

I'll have to blow up the whole world.

Sounds reasonable to me, and
I live in the back of a car.

♪♪

Bill Shine! Aren't you supposed to be

getting the President
re-elected in perpetuity?

I took a long lunch
because this is important...

when I worked at Fox News,
I championed you guys.

- Hell, I made you who you are.
- We're your Frankenstein!

Uh, Frankenstein was the scientist.

- Godzilla was the monster.
- Shut up, Kilmeade.

Now my loyalty is to the White House,

so I need you three to stop
driving the President crazy.

Oh, stop... he's no crazier
than our loyal viewers.

They adore us so much, they
send 40-page love letters

written in their own fluids.

- Awww!
- Awww!

Just make the show a little more gentle

until the President stops
trying to kill all of us

and goes back to trying
to kill some of us.

♪♪

Daddy, we're here because we care deeply

about not getting irradiated.

Thanks for your concern, but
I got this note from Dr. Ronny

saying my brain cholesterol
is at an all-time good,

so I'm perfectly capable
of running the planet.

Anyway, we asked someone

who actually cares
about you to join us...

- [PUTIN] Hey, Donald!
- Putin?

Yeah, buddy, look,

I'm all for unprovoked military force,

but if it's on the same day
you appoint a Terry Fator puppet

to the United Nations, it
makes people a little jumpy.

Terry Fator's puppets
are notorious instigators.

Not exactly the right
temperament for the U.N.

There you go, sort of.

♪♪

[EARHARDT] Bill Shine
wants gentle and cerebral?

This is Fox & Friends... not PBS.

Nobody watches us to chill out...

they watch us to hear how Ocasio-Cortez

is personally stealing
land from white Africans!

There is something to be said

for the slow, methodical world-building

of a PBS costume drama.

Slow... methodical...

what the hell are you
talking about, Brian?

I wrote some scripts.

Never mind. They're stupid.
You don't want to see them.

- Of course we don't!
- Fine, here they are.

I don't know about this...

Whoa, I get to wear a
big, tall hat? I'm in!

Me too! Mostly because,

if I disagree with you guys,
you'll ignore me anyway!

[SIRENS WAILING, RUMBLING]

Daddy! You said you'd stop
these missile tests! God!

They scare the shit

out of people who are
less brave than me!

Listen, I made a promise to
someone... I forgot who...

that I'd blow up Portugal...
I'm not sure why...

and I'm not about to embarrass myself

in front of whoever for
whatever reason that was.

Daddy... where's Eric? You were
supposed to give him a bath!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

You said to wait for you, s-so I did.

His nuts are so small and wrinkly, Dad!

They'll never be normal nuts again!

Relax... Anyone could have forgotten

their screaming adult son in the bath.

Daddy... what if it had
been someone you care about?

Someone... like me?

Oh, my God. My children.
My one good children.

Please, Daddy, let us help
you make your brain good again.

For the country,

so it'll trust you enough
to steal all its money.

And for Eric, whose nuts art in Heaven.

Let's do it. Not just for Eric's nuts,

but the whole country's nuts.

- Cool!
- Yay!

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- [WATER SLOSHES]

[ERIC] Come back if you
need c-cold, dirty water!

♪♪

[TRUMP] Kids, we all know
that the best way to prove

someone is competent,
sane, and trustworthy is...

[BOTH] Prime-time televised game show!

Exactly! In one week's time,

I'm gonna show the country,
live, on network TV,

that my brain is more
functional than Ronald Reagan's

the day he left office.

I'm thinking my doctor
who lives in a car

tests me in front of a billion
Americans, and we call it...

Big Brain Showdown!

With a special
performance by Jamiroquai.

Love it. At the end,

Dr. Ronny will smash my
brain with a sledgehammer

and, if it puffs back up
with a big boing sound,

everyone will know I'm fine.

I'll check to make sure
Jamiroquai isn't touring.

[HUSHED VOICE] Ivanka, I
really hope he's not touring.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

♪♪

♪♪

[MAN] Three white people in a house...

It's Friendship Manor.

Lady Ainsleyhardt, have
you readied the dining room

for this evening's repaste? R-Re-past?

Yes, I have left ample space

between the Duke of Winshire
and the Marquess of Aberdingle.

And have you considered
my proposal of marriage?

It would secure Friendship
Manor for generations to come.

I have, Lord Doocifus.

It's just that my heart
belongs to another...

♪♪

This is extremely my shit.

♪♪

We need to make sure you actually win

Big Brain Showdown,

so let's exercise that
noggin with a brain teaser.

After my divorce, I found solace

in the ancient practice of mindfulness.

Okay, a murderer is
condemned to death...

Biased judge, activist court,

appeal it till it gets
to Kavanaugh's desk.

- Solved it.
- Daddy! Hold on! I wasn't done!

Now just close your eyes and
let your thoughts drift away.

Whooooosh.

Whoo... [COUGHS]

Oh, shit! I swallowed a bug!

Now a bug's gonna grow in my stomach.

Get it out before it
goes through puberty!

As punishment, the murderer has
to enter one of three rooms...

one with assassins, one that's on fire,

and one with lions who
haven't eaten in years.

Wait, are the lions tigers?

Of course! Actually, wait. Are they?

Sir, the United Nations Security Council

has been on hold for three days.

What should I tell them?

[BOTH] We're doing something!

So I just pull on that thing
in the back of your throat

- until you barf the bug?
- Uh-huh.

Back at Wharton, my
buddy Brench taught me

that's the "vom-cord".

Hello, zoo? Are lions tigers?

Ask him if lions are
tigers. I am. Shut up!

Uh-huh...

Oh...

But how do you know?

- They don't know.
- I knew it!

Ask them if donkeys are horses.

Shut up, Pompeo!

Actually, that's a good question.

♪♪

[GAGS]

- Do you feel anything?
- Almost!

All right, I'm gonna...

I'm grab... I got something. Hold it.

[GAGS]

Everything okay over there?

Yeah, just doing some mediation.

♪♪

[EARHARDT] I love you too, Kilmington.

Even if you are a penniless
footman with rotten teeth.

Then there is something
I must show you...

♪♪

[GASPS] The will of my
uncle, Count Friendship!

Wasn't that destroyed
in the orphanage fire?

Shh!

But that was destroyed
in the orphanage fire!

- What'd I say? Knew it.
- Shut the fuck up!

I found it in Doocifus's
chambers, and there's more...

Doocifus is not your cousin.

He is...

Mister Doonces of 49
Poorman's Lane, Coventry.

So you've found me out, have you?

But if he's not really
my cousin, then...

Then you, Lady Ainsleyhardt,

are the true heir to Friendship Manor...

- Whoooooaaaa.
- Whoooooaaaa.

♪♪

[DON JR.] I think Dad's
swamp brain might be cured.

He helped me barf up a bug.

And he helped me get
that dumb zoo guy fired.

He's gonna be so psyched
that he didn't have to visit

an actual mental-health professional.

[HANNITY] Now answer me this...

what has Europe ever done for us?!

[TRUMP] [SCREAMING] Drag them, Hannity!

As far as I'm concerned,
Christopher Columbus

wasn't even born till he got to America!

Tell Spain to lean the other way

because it's Portugal nuke time, baby!

This is the problem, Dad.
TV makes you nuttier

than the 23-year-old high-school
kid in my two-man fight club.

Sorry, Daddy, but the TVs

are going straight into "insinkerator".

Fine, take it.

Whatever Fox & Friends
is doing these days

- is extremely not my shit.
- Get some rest.

Tomorrow, you have to
prove to the American people

that you're as with it as a
72-year-old speed-freak can be.

- [ERIC] Hello?
- [WATER SLOSHES]

I think I'm clean now!

♪♪

"I love Lady Ainsleyhardt's
indomibibble spirit."

It's just nice getting fan mail
that doesn't refer to my womb

as an essential weapon in the race war.

"Doocifus is bae"? I don't
know what that means,

but it ends in "e", so it's okay by me.

Brian, how do you write
these genius scripts?

I installed some beams in my house

and got the feet and inches mixed up,

so every night I run full steam

into a piece of gorgeous,
varnished cherry-wood.

And when I come to, there's a "scrimpt".

Wow, this one's signed
"Barack and Michelle".

And this one is from
the Peabody Foundation!

Guys, you got to feel
how thick this paper is.

[ALL] Ooh!

I think it might be five
slices stuck together.

Ohh, it's not!

♪♪

Daddy, it's almost time for
your Big Brain Showdown.

Remember... it's called underwear

because you "wear" it when
you're "under" the sky!

Let's go show this country
how coherent I can be

for a short amount
of time on television.

[DR. RONNY] Welcome
to The Big Brain Showdown.

The only show where we
test how healthy, buff,

and whisper-quiet the
President's brain is.

I'm your host, Dr. Ronny.

Let's meet our contestant.

[FEMALE NARRATOR] Born in Queens,

Donald John Trump's colon has the
same microbial biodiversity

as an escalator handrail.

Tonight, he's playing for the
trust of the American people

and his favorite charity,

Eric's Home for Hypothermic Men.

The showdown consists of 25 questions

that test the memory,
logic, and reasoning skills

of the President.

Seven or more correct answers
will be considered an A++.

Let's begin.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

Marcus Aurelius once said,

"The soul becomes dyed with
the color of its thoughts."

Name a color.

Strawberry.

Correct.

What song is this?

"Jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle all the way."

Jingy Bells.

Judges.

We'll accept Jingy Bells.

- John Elway.
- Correct.

Blair, Jo, Natalie,
Tootie, and Mrs. Garrett.

Correct.

And Godzilla was the monster.

- Correct.
- He was brought back to life

- when Trinity confessed her love.
- Correct.

- Nine.
- Correct.

- No, wait. 42,000.
- Correct.

They were being held in the
basement of Comet Ping Pong!

Correct.

Marry Kissinger, Fuck
McNamara, Kill Nixon.

Judges?

Correct.

And now your final question...

Who's a big, loud boy
with a big, healthy brain?

Uh... me?

- Well, let's just say...
- [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

... we will reveal the
results after this break.

- [CROWD AWWS]
- They always do this.

Hi, I'm Mike Lindell, CEO of My Pillow,

the most comfortable
pillow you'll ever own.

Have you ever thought that

something that was perfectly fine

should be different somehow?

Then buy my pillow.

I could never get a restful
sleep because of my pillow,

so one night,

I chucked a brick through a
high-school home-ec window,

ripped the sewing machine off the bolts,

and stitched together
the American dream.

Call now, or maybe I'll call you!

Welcome back.

I know a lot of hypothermic men

who will be very happy tonight.

Mr. President, you
are mentally competent.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

- Yay, Daddy!
- Yay! Ugh!

I swallowed some confetti.

Ivanka! Pull my vom-cord!

[TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYS]

Was last night's Big
Brain Showdown a success?

The EU released a
statement saying, quote,

"We take comfort that his
family is occupying him

with a make-believe game show."

♪♪

And now, accepting the Peabody Award

for excellence in entertainment,

is the cast of my favorite
show, Friendship Manor.

Whoa! Happy days!

Lord Doocifus himself. This is so cool.

To anyone who ever heard
the words "you can't",

"no one wants that",

or "don't eat that...
they made it in props",

I am living proof
that you can do it all.

- [ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS]
- Okay, I'll go.

Keep dreaming! Keep
friendshipping! Keep mattering!

Kaitlyn, Kirstyn, and
Bryan Jr., go to bed!

Daddy won a Peabody!

- [LAUGHS]
- [AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

♪♪

Nice job tonight, Dad. You
beat the shit out of your brain!

That one question about
whether cars go zoom

- was pretty tough.
- Well, see you later, Daddy.

You know we all have, like, five kids?

And they call me Mom.

I don't have time to get
into it, but it's insane.

Okay, bye!

Ahh, got the night all to myself.

Now, where did I put my
mind-enhancing puzzles?

♪♪

I've looked everywhere. Hm.

Well, it would be fun to
treat myself to a little TV.

♪♪

Oh, yeah. TV gone, too.

[SIGHS]

Can we swing by Men's Warehouse
so I can return this suit?

- [VEHICLE DOORS OPEN, CLOSE]
- Hey, hey! Fellas!

Did you also get turned away
from the Peabody afterparty

because you forgot
how to spell your name?

- Shut up!
- Brian, Brian, Brian...

Okay, while you were at these,
uh, Golden Snowflake Awards,

we were in the studio,

ensuring the First Amendment
rights of white people

to sing the N-word at karaoke,
and you weren't there.

But Bill Shine told me to stop
driving the President insane,

- so I just thought I...
- Oh, oh, oh.

That's what you think, Brian?
You thought wrong.

Your allegiance is
to Fox News... got it?

We all took the same vows

in Roger Ailes's amphibious sex plane.

But Friendship Manor
is life-affirming TV.

Fox News doesn't affirm life...
it De-firms life,

and scares men into thinking
their sperm count will drop

if they let their wives drive.

Don't forget that, Kilmeade.

Hey, can we stop at Men's Warehouse?

I want to dig through
the discount suit bin.

♪♪

Huh. No TV in here either...

I'll just sit here
alone with my thoughts.

Oh, hi. Good to see you.

I'm gonna need the nuclear football

and an upside-down
umbrella full of Diet Coke.

Thanks so much. Appreciate it.
Love the tie.

[LOCKS CLANKING]

[LOCK CLANKS]

[EARHARDT] Brian, I had a question

about the Baronet's harpsichord teacher.

It's over, guys. Friendship
Manor is done.

But Doocifus still has his maidenhead!

Tucker and Sean were right.
We should be out there

scaring old ladies into
buying barbed-wire doormats...

not acting out fiction.

But we've got so many
stories left to tell!

What about their stories, Ainsley?

- [SLOW MUSIC PLAYS]
- But Ainsleyhardt

is a three-dimension female character!

And who's gonna tell my big, tall hat?

[FEMALE NARRATOR] We now
present a very special

Brian Kilmeade Presents:
Friendship Manor.

Hello, viewers. It's me, Brian Kilmeade.

I mean Kilmington,

or, as you would have
learned in the next episode,

Kilmington's brother, who
was feared lost at sea.

- Are you kidding me?!
- Don't spoil it!

Friendship Manor is
going on permanent hiatus

because I don't know how
to stand up for myself.

Fare-thee-well.

I'm lost. Did we miss an episode?

I bet it all pays off.
Just keep watching.

[SIRENS WAILING, POUNDING ON DOOR]

- Dad! Dad! Dad!
- Daddy! Daddy! Open up!

What's he doing in there? We
took away his TV and phone.

Hey, what's that thing that
Dad says every day at breakfast

about leaving him
alone with his thoughts?

Oh, uh, don't ever leave
me alone with my thoughts,

or I'll blow up the entire world.

- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah.

[ECHOING] Hey! Hey! Do not
leave me alone with my thoughts!

I will kill everything forever!

You know what this means?

He's having breakfast without us.

- Daddy, no!
- [POUNDING ON DOOR]

We're hungry, too!

- [INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
- So I walk into the 21 Club,

and I see Andre Agassi,
and he has his back to me.

And he knew I was gonna
walk in. He knew it.

So he'll be dead, too.

I'm Wolf Blitzer and
you're watching me realize

I left my lunch in my car.

It's shrimp salad... it'll keep.

With the President isolated

and in possession of
the nuclear football,

European leaders are considering

a preemptive strike on the U.S.

Uh-oh, that's where the shrimp salad is.

Meanwhile, Vice President Pence
and the cabinet are deciding

whether or not to remove
Trump from office.

Breakups are tough.

Launch codes are around here somewhere.

♪♪

Ugh, why's everything so hard to find?

Yikes, that guy looks like crap.

No, you look like crap.

No, you look like crap.

No, you look like crap.

You can't talk to me like that!

But I'm part of you, idiot.
I'm your subconscious.

Subconscious...

Is that the room where
rodeo clowns hang out

before it's time to go in?

God, you're dumb.

It's the place deep inside your head

where all your emotions live.

And it is rough down here.

Oh, no! I'm crazy, aren't I?

Is that why I'm such a math genius?

You're more of a run-of-the-mill
sociopathic narcissist,

who, through a weird twist of
fate, can destroy the world.

Okay. What's the bad news?

You'll destroy us with it,
you dumb piece of shit.

There's always a catch.

[SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE]

[MAN] Hey, it's Doocifus
and Ainsleyhardt!

We don't do that show anymore!

No selfies!

There they are! The people
we've been looking for.

So, like, how are you guys?

Dad is about to blow up the free world,

but, seriously, how are you guys?

Here's some coins, kids. Go play
Buck Hunter or something.

He gave them to me.
That means I'm in charge.

I'm gonna be good!

The President needs the
old Fox & Friends show

to get the steam out of his ears
so it doesn't cook his brain.

The old show? But I can't even remember

why wealthy old white men
are underprivileged anymore.

Maybe this will jog your memory.
"Dear Fox & Friends.

If I didn't have you to talk to,

I would probably kill everybody.

I love you so much.

Yours, the President
of the United States."

I was packing up Kilmington's
cummerbund when I found this.

And there are 30 more, just
like it, all from the President.

He needs us, damn it.

What do you say, Fox &
Friends star Ainsley Earhardt?

I actually prefer Friendship Manor.

[BOTH] She's in... let's go!

All those in favor of removing
the President from office

and installing me instead?

Wait! I'm not crazy!

The mirror-me said so!

Yikes.

You guys believe me, right?

Wow, nobody's on my side.

And after all the stuff I've done

for your investment portfolios.

Fine, say goodbye to Earth!

♪♪

[SHRIEKS]

[ALL] ♪ It's Fox & Friends ♪

Whoa! It's TV!

Fox & Friends... activate!

God, I hate that nuclear football,

don't you, Brian?

It makes me sick, yee-uck!

Get rid of it!

Yeah... yeah... I hate it, too.

You know what else makes me sick?

[TOGETHER] What, Mr. President?

Integration. The trickle-down
part of economics.

Swiss Family Robinson.

So, we're just gonna
pretend this is fine?

Consider the alternative.

God, guide my hand as I use this device

to wipe the cast of
The L Word from Earth.

Trump's cabinet has voted
to reinstall the President.

Meanwhile, psychologists
unanimously agree

that Trump is a ticking time
bomb of unchecked emotion.

But is he?

Or did his bishop just
checkmate the media's queen?

I'm Chuck Todd, I
pretend to enjoy football

because I'm scared of my dad,
and this is Meet the Press.

[TRUMP] The Arctic shelf
is such a drama queen.

I mean, if you're gonna
melt, just melt already.

I know that's right.

That's my president.

Shelf bad.

I say we torch the whole thing.

Mr. President, can we take five?

I wouldn't mind popping into
the bathroom real quick.

Sure. In the meantime,
maybe I'll turn off

all the power grids and see
which city screams the loudest.

On second thought, we can hold it.

Luckily for me, I can use
my big hat as a toilet!

Why are we still watching this?

Uh, Michelle, I told you,
it's going to pay off.

['80S-STYLE POP MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪

♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪

♪ Is Donald Trump the president? ♪

♪ Yes, he is ♪

♪ Yes, he is, we elected him president ♪

♪ Is Donald Trump the president? ♪

♪ Yes, he is ♪

♪ We had a vote and
elected him president ♪

♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪

♪ Donald Trump ♪

♪ He is our president ♪

♪ We made him president ♪

♪ We did it ♪

♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪

♪ We elected Donald Trump ♪

♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪

♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

Trump!