Our Cartoon President (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 10 - Space Force - full transcript
Our Cartoon President launches Space Force without any attention to detail while the Democratic presidential candidates tank their campaigns to avoid the risk of losing to Cartoon Donald Trump.
And now a message from
the President
of the United States.
My fellow Americans,
I would like to address reports
alleging that I was friends
with billionaire convicted
sexual predator Jeffrey Epstein
and attended
his infamous parties.
Sure, I told New York Magazine
in 2002
that Epstein is a terrific guy.
But that was before I found out
that I said later
in the same sentence
that he likes beautiful women
on the younger side.
I knew I had to cut off
our relationship
right then
and several years after there.
Now, I've brought someone
who can confirm
that we are very innocent.
Hey, everybody.
It's me,
America's cold sore.
Every few years,
I pop up and remind you
of your bad choices
in the nineties.
I have never been to
Jeffrey Epstein's home
on 71st Street between Fifth
and Madison near Jody's Juice.
Try the strawberry.
It's delicious.
And why would I go
to Epstein's home?
I don't want to be reminded
of the things I've seen there.
Let's talk about
the so-called "Epstein Jet"
on which Jeffy-Boy
and his friends,
who know him as Jeffy-Boy...
Jeffy-Boy!
Allegedly committed
vile acts.
Sure, witnesses allege
we were passengers,
but so was Kevin Spacey.
I don't think
this Boy Scout
would let anything untoward
happen up there.
The only reason
I was on that jet
26... I mean, 4 times...
And I promise I didn't smoke
a cigarette in the bathroom.
Which is the only law
in the sky,
according to our attorney
Alan Dershowitz.
Dershy-Boy!
He litigates like
his freedom depends on it.
And it does.
You know, Bill and I
may disagree on healthcare
and criminal justice...
Barely.
But we are
unified against
these all-but-undeniable
accusations.
In the end, aren't we all
just Americans
accused of the most ghastly
crime imaginable?
And on an unrelated note,
I am naming
a new Deputy Attorney General...
Jeffrey Epstein.
I'm also pardoning him
and having his mouth
filled with cement.
Don't you crack,
Jeffy-Boy!
We're sending a rope and potato
chips down that well! I promise!
- Bill, you're my best friend!
- And you're mine!
We're gonna get through this
together, little brother!
I can't believe we almost let
Hillary tear us apart!
This has been a message from
two Presidents
of the United States.
- It's Joe's turn!
- There's
not room for us both!
*OUR CARTOON PRESIDENT*
Season 02 Episode 10
Episode Title : "Space Force"
Fifty years ago today,
Buzz Aldrin
and a wise-ass talking monkey
threw on some scuba gear,
boarded Apollo Creed,
and shot up to the largest
of all our planets... the Moon.
Buzz took some funny pictures,
and NASA left the monkey to die.
The end.
Wait! Wait! Wait! Shut up!
- Sir, is everything...
- Shhh!
- It's just...
- Shhhhhhhh!
Holy shit!
I forgot about...
Sp-a-a-a-ce Fo-o-o-o-rce!
Space Force! Space Force!
Space Force! Space Force!
We gotta do Space Force!
What happened to Space Force?!
You sort of went on an
obstruction-of-justice bender,
so we kicked it
down the road.
Mike, you garage-door
motor-brained moron!
We could be blowing up stuff in
space right now, and instead...
I'm commemorating
this Kirk Douglas-looking-ass
space clown!
Give me four hours,
and I'll have an update.
Cool. Yeah.
Take your time.
It's not like I'm your boss
or anything.
I'm so excited!
Are you excited? I'm excited!
Don't start. I gotta pee.
It's starting! Forget it!
I'll pee at halftime.
Here is your update on
Space Force, an institution
I fundamentally disagree with
as a science skeptic,
but no one listened when
I explained that 17 times,
so here we go.
Whoo-hoo!
Space Force!
Oh, man, I got to pee so bad.
I'm gonna pee in a cup!
Next slide, please.
The Defense Department's
legislative proposal outlines
- a five-year rollout...
- Ah, geez.
Beginning the start
of fiscal year 2020.
The budget request is...
Ugh.
$72.4 million...
0.07% of the annual...
- Ueeeghhh!
- D.O.D. budget.
Mikey, I asked
for Star Wars,
and you brought me
Star Wars: The Book!
I've read some Star Wars books.
They're actually pretty good.
Pompeo, you're
so far out of your lane
that you've slammed
into a Roy Rogers.
Here are the questions
I want answered.
Will the rockets
have thick, red lasers?
Will the astronauts be 500-pound
nutjobs with buzz cuts?
Can we all get sweatshirts
that say "Space Force"?
First, we need to lay
the legislative and
budgetary groundwork.
I'm so mad at you
right now!
Everyone, make sure
Pence drinks this cup!
"Groundwork."
What an asshole!
Thank you all for attending
the 2019 Iowa Democratic Party
Hall of Fame Dinner.
See you at the Iowa Caucuses!
What's the first thing you're
gonna do when you're president?
I'm gonna give a speech
so lacking in substance
that time freezes and I can
check out everyone's underpants.
I'm gonna take off
these wool socks.
Both my feet look like
the potato nobody buys
because it's started to
sprout its own side potato.
I'm gonna call
Al Franken and say,
"Can you believe you're there
and I'm here?"
You all think I'm gonna do
some Native American
celebratory dance, but I won't.
My tribe values quiet reflection
over revelry.
I'm gonna kick back
and teach myself Welsh.
I'm gonna bring in a pig,
tell my staff it's the mascot,
let them pet it...
then jam an iron rod through
its frickin' forehead!
- Holy crap!
- Jesus, Amy!
What is wrong with you?
Ohh, so when a man
slaughters a pig
in front of his staff...
- No!
- That's your defense?!
- What about you, Cory?
- Oh, thank you for asking.
- I'm gonna...
- I'm just messin' with you.
You're not
gonna be president!
It's not funny!
Good news is, one of us
will absolutely beat Trump,
and nothing
will change that.
Good news for
the White House tonight.
President Trump's approval
rating is holding steady,
and in key states,
he's running even
with many
in the Democratic field.
Daddy! I heard you made
Mike Pence drink pee!
Did he try to wash
your feet again?
Mike hasn't done a minute
of work on Space Force.
This isn't like figuring out
which candy to keep
in a steakhouse
men's room
where you really got to
hunker down on the details.
It's a space mission.
I'll talk to him. Which Equinox
does he belong to again?
Forget it. It's just...
every time I try to do
something cool...
Like the wall
or Muslim Ban...
Some nerd has to come along
and talk my ear off
about whether it's actually
possible, as if I care.
Ugh! Samesies.
I tried to turn Jared
into Channing Tatum
by taping
human muscles to him,
and some scientist was like,
"That won't work."
Thanks for meeting
with us on short notice.
We know you've got
a lot of shade
and clapback
on your schedule.
Everyone in my bubble
says Trump is doomed,
but his poll numbers
are steady.
What did you learn from your
loss that can help us beat him?
I didn't lose.
I won the popular vote
and the presidency.
- Uhh...
- Uh, I-I... Uh...
The 2020 campaign
brought back some bad memories
that she's coped with
by breaking off
into her own reality.
One time,
I tried to wake her up,
and she bit me
in the Adam's apple!
I gotta kick you out.
The "cabinet meeting"
is starting soon,
and I gotta put suits and ties
on the cats.
Bill, please remind
the Secretary of Education
to stop licking
his asshole.
This is some burden,
but I figure it's God
punishing me for all the things
I did and continue to do.
Secretary Fuzzy Wuzzy,
I want boots on the ground
in Turkmenistan yesterday!
You're watching
"Space Fighters:
Thick Laser Edition."
Hey, Mister
P-r-r-resident!
I heard from someone
who has friends
that you're giving up
on Space Force.
Space Force is gonna be
our most awesome
quagmire-generating
military branch yet!
And we are not
just saying that
because the defense
aeronautics industry
digs us another
subterranean wine cave
every time we utter
the word "rocket."
Rocket, rocket, rocket!
You really think Space Force
is worth more of my time
than tricking Pompeo
into eating a caterpillar?
Being the president
who launched Space Force
would be pretty cool...
Hey, aren't you the president
who started a military branch
that's in friggin' space?
- Guilty!
- Holy shit.
The pizza's on me, sir.
Hey, want to see what
the pepperonis look like
before we chop 'em up?
Goddamn right I do!
Gentlemen...
I'll reconsider.
Hoo-hoo-hoo! That's the spirit!
Can I do a mission?
I can't wait to find out
what zero gravity does
to my jowl meat!
Blblblblblblb-oglglgl!
Blblblblblblb!
Ted Cr-u-u-u-u-uz!
Last night, I had a dream
that I won the nomination
then lost all 50 states
to Trump.
I couldn't get one
senator's wife to hug me!
I had the same dream.
Except for the last part.
- Me too.
- Yeah, except for that last part.
Yeah, no, definitely
not that last part.
Fuck it. I'm not letting
that nightmare come true.
I'm throwing the race.
The presidency can eat my ass.
- You're dropping out?
- No, you deaf shower fungus.
I'm sittin' on
millions in donor cash.
I'm gonna Brewster's Millions
this shit
until there's not
a nickel left.
It's not a bad idea.
I'm throwing my race, too.
- Me too.
- Me too.
Is anyone gonna try to win?
- No. - No. - No. - No.
- I don't know how to lose.
Just keep doing
what you're doing.
The question is now...
Who's gonna be the best
worst candidate?
♪♪♪
Look at space.
So peaceful. So boring.
Leave it to Pence
to make deploying
a sophisticated
military apparatus
in zero gravity
sound complicated.
For some people,
it is complicated,
but you don't have to
worry about that.
You're the guy who walks
into that boardroom,
says whatever
the hell you want,
and leaves the minimum-wage
doctor nerds to figure it out.
You've thoughtlessly
blurted out amazing ideas...
Trump Computer,
Trump Milk,
Trump Four-Legged
Pleasure Doll.
Those didn't work, Eric,
and the milk was
sharp to the touch.
But this time
is gonna be different.
Oh, really?
How could you think that?
Because I'm not thinking, Dad,
and you shouldn't, either.
♪♪♪
My fellow Americans, we choose
to launch Space Force
before the week is out,
not because it's easy...
Which it is, Mike...
Not because
aeronautic defense contractors
overpay their
Mar-a-Iago dues 400%,
but because it's cool as hell!
Because that goal will allow us
to make sweet sweatshirts.
Because that challenge
is one that will produce,
if we're lucky, a big-ass
explosion in zero gravity.
In conclusion...
Spa-a-a-ce Fo-o-o-o-rce!
As we all know,
Pence's Space Force book report
was a snoozer,
so I made a version
that covers the nitty-gritty
but is still enjoyable.
Lights...
♪ Huah! Huah! ♪
♪ Space! Force! ♪
♪ Space Force, yeah! ♪
♪ Space Force, yeah! ♪
So, just do that.
I assume there aren't
any questions.
Uhp, I see a few hands.
Bathroom's down the hall.
What were we supposed
to gain from that?
Space Force is awesome.
Next question.
Why did the rocket
explode at the end?
Because it's awesome.
Next question.
Do we have
the budget for this?
Do you have the budget
for your shitty face?!
Are there any
cool questions?
Unlike your casinos,
if this fails,
you can't convert space into
an unlicensed pigeon sanctuary.
We need a backup plan.
Or at least a plan.
I'm gonna show you turds
how wrong you are.
The following words
are now forbidden...
"plan," "details,"
and "fully functional."
Got it?
I'm Rachel Maddow,
and my lunch order mentions
the Teapot Dome scandal.
A strange day on the Democratic
presidential campaign trail.
It appears as though
the candidates
are tanking their campaigns
so none have to face
Donald Trump
in the general election.
Here are the highlights.
If I could, I'd do the whole
Anita Hill thing over again
the exact same way!
I want you all to meet
my mascot, Mr. Oinky!
As an African-American woman,
I...
You know who gets a bad rap?
Stalin!
I'm gonna turn meter maids into
mindless killing machines! Yes!
If elected president, I will get
blackout at my inauguration,
hop in my minivan, and sideswipe
the Washington Monument!
My pick for vice president
is the next
chipped-tooth motherfucker
I run into on the street.
Sir, you're about to be
very happy,
because we're here to look
at the first prototypes
for space-based weaponry!
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
Is someone filming this?!
Very funny, Bolton.
Now show me the real spaceship
with plasma railguns,
command bridge,
and bumper sticker that says
"My other ride is your wife."
These are the weapons.
That part there emits
high-powered microwaves
and radio-frequency jammers.
They're small due to
the payload capacities...
Blah, blah-blah, blah-blah,
blah-blah, blah-blah!
You all are really testing
my faith in humanity's ability
to slaughter each other
in space.
Welcome to another
2020 presidential debate
featuring the candidates
from the Democratic Party.
I'm Anderson Cooper,
and, no, I'm not.
The candidates are
coming off a rough week
but can hopefully
redeem themselves tonight.
Mr. Vice President,
why should you be
President of the United States?
Tonight ain't about why
you should vote for me...
A man who Obama chained
to a radiator for eight years...
But why you should vote
for someone else.
I don't know, let's say,
overdue Medal of Honor recipient
Pete Buttigieg!
No, no, no.
Don't vote for me.
I'm just trying to get a job
outside the Midwest.
This place sucks.
Vote for a true patriot...
My dear friend
Amy Klobuchar!
Fuck you!
Don't vote for me.
I have a power drill under my
desk in case an intern sneezes!
Elizabeth Warren,
on the other hand,
is a goddamn saint.
Lizzy's not here right now!
I'm the Dark Proggo,
fire prince of the night,
swallower of souls,
and the last thing children see
before they die!
Actually, I would make
an excellent president,
- and here's why...
- Shut up!
You're the worst!
What are we
watching here?
- Doctors performing surgery?
- Wrong.
We're watching doctors
not thinking.
Thinking gets in the way
of your body doing
what it innately
knows how to do.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure they're
thinking while doing surgery.
Maybe a better metaphor
would be, uh, figure skating?
Figure skaters
have to think
about every muscle
in their body.
Space Force is like surgery...
Simple.
We just jam a busty,
scorpion-shaped space shuttle
into a cannon
and light the wick.
Can it be a regular shuttle
with a curvaceous scorpion
- painted on the side?
- Ugh!
You're making the biggest
mistake of your life, but fine.
Space Force in five...
Four, three, two, one!
- Whoo-hoo!
- Whoo-hoo!
Here it goes!
Why isn't it launching?!
Because you just
started counting down
irregardless
of the launch time.
And that's when I knew
I would never be able
to buy off-the-rack
socks again.
Spppaaaace Foooorrrce!
Don't explode, don't explode,
don't explode, don't explode.
It didn't explode!
Ha-ha!
Mission control assures me
the rocket is dressed as a nun
so no one suspects
it's about to kill someone.
But this isn't just a victory
for the good people
at Lockheed Martin, Boeing,
and the now-rejuvenated
skull-shaped island market.
It's a victory
for thoughtlessness.
Like the Iraq War
or Obamacare website,
from this moment forward,
we will not
think things through!
Mr. President, weren't both
of those massive failures?
Iraq? No, that was pr...
No, that was pretty bad.
That website, though... N...
No, that...
That was bad, also.
Uh, oh, uh, uh...
Can you excuse me?
Shit-shit-shit-shit,
shit-shit-shit-shit-shit...
A new poll
shows the floundering
Democratic
presidential candidates
all with 0% support.
- Hey, hey!
- We did it!
Congratulations, kids.
I wouldn't wish Hillary's fate
upon anyone.
If you want to be
Secretary of Transportation,
you need to let Mommy
give you a bath.
On the Republican side,
concern that President Trump
is leading the United States
into a military quagmire
in space
has caused his poll numbers
to slump.
Hey, guys...
what if Donald Trump
becomes vulnerable again?
I told a bunch
of schoolchildren
I was gonna cut off their
faces with a meat slicer.
If Trump's unpopular
and we're unpopular,
who is America
gonna vote for?
Widespread opposition of
the major-party candidates
has reactivated the campaign
of Starbucks CEO
and nihilist sociopath
Howard Schultz.
- Aaaaah!
- Nooooo!
I don't
want to know. Is it bad?
It's fine, as long
as the Chinese, Iranians,
and North Koreans
play nice.
Boom! Ha-ha!
Felt that one
in my tailbone!
Looks like you're
gonna need to send up
some more weapons, Don!
You guys look great!
Where did you get
all that stuff?
Our friends Lockheed and Martin
took us shopping!
Unrelated to this.
No further questions,
Your Honor.
How quickly can we blast nine
more billion-dollar rockets
into that powder keg
in the sky?
The president just launched
more rockets into space...
An escalation that,
history shows us,
leads to an everlasting peace.
Just kidding. It caused
a five-nation space war.
Meanwhile, scientists warn
that space debris
is falling at deadly speeds,
just like the President's
poll numbers.
Great. We just turned this
into a three-way race.
I haven't felt this lousy
since Patty Murray pantsed me
on my first day
in the Senate.
Throwing this race
was a great idea, Amy.
- I don't like that mouth at all!
- Whoa!
- Hey, calm down!
- De-escalate!
Are you...
expecting someone?
No.
That's not someone.
That's some thing.
Daddy's home.
- Aaaah!
- Noooo!
Holy shit! It's him! Hillary,
where do you keep your guns?!
No guns, but I do have
the nuclear football.
- Amy, get him!
- I looked him in the eye!
I can't move!
Behold the awesome
power of a centrist
who appeals
to the 42% of Americans
who identify
as independent.
Those voters
could be independent
because they're far left
or they're far right,
you crazy-eyed bastard!
Oh, yeah. Huh.
Hm. It doesn't matter.
By saturating Americans
with Starbucks for decades,
I've primed them
to support a candidate
who is just as
physically nauseating
and economically criminal
as that terrible coffee.
Americans are readier
than ever
to get behind
something that sucks.
They're ready for
Howard Schultz.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Well, I'm gonna punch out
for the day.
If you guys need me,
I'll be just doing my thang.
Oh, and, uh, if you left
your deck chairs outside,
you might want to drag 'em in
because it's really
coming down today.
Sir, fiery metal chunks
traveling at the speed of sound
are falling from space.
Oh, really?
Well, are you sure Earth isn't
just going up into the chunks?
I asked the same thing,
but a guy with glasses
explained that it's not.
I know, Pompeo. Okay?
You know why it's happening?
Because you all spent
so much time
focusing on the
Space Force details
that you lost sight
of the overall awesomeness!
Sir, this is why you always
need a backup plan.
I thought
I banned the P-word!
You know, launching a program
that incites
an international arms race
in a once-peaceful frontier
could've been fun!
But you brainiacs ruined it!
At least
pizza will cheer me up.
- One slice of pepperoni, please.
- Not for you.
My boss is making me
go up to the roof
and clean up space junk thanks
to your brainless bullshit.
Come on, man!
I've had a rough day.
Just give me one?
I'm gonna call the cops,
my dude. Take a hike.
Fine. I'll go.
But only if you show me
what the pepperonis look like
before you chop 'em up.
I'll take that secret
to my grave.
Now beat it before
I kick your ass.
Ugh! Not again!
Jackie,
where's the broom?!
Look, Howard, I respect what
you've done with Starbucks.
No one drives their
employees insane
with Norah Jones music
better than you.
But if you run, hell, you'll
hand the presidency to Trump.
Joe, what are you talking about?
I'm already the president.
What?
"Instead of
'billionaire, '
I prefer you call me
a 'person of means.'
President
Howard Schultz"?!
I'm too late!
And in political news,
space junk continues
to kill thousands...
and President Trump's
re-election chances.
Maybe mankind just
wasn't meant to bring
their mindless bloodlust
to the heavens.
- Yes, they are.
- John F. Kennedy?
You're Congressman
Joe Kennedy III's great-uncle!
What's that silver-tongued
spitfire like?
No time for chitchat.
I'm just killing time
before I'm meeting
the ghost of Jayne Mansfield
on Mike Pence's desk.
When I announced
we'd go to the Moon,
I had no idea
it was even possible.
I was so goofed up on pain pills
that I just blurted it out,
and, luckily, thousands
of eggheads made it happen.
I wish Space Force
was like that.
It is.
Just keep the faith.
Us privileged white sons
of Nazi sympathizers
need not concern ourselves
with details,
because no matter
how great our errors,
how harebrained our schemes,
how depraved
our predilections,
those who serve beneath us
will provide
a nice, soft landing.
Is there
a historical anecdote
that illustrates
your exact point?
Chappaquiddick.
Look it up.
I had a dream last night
Schultz ate our souls!
- Me too!
- Me too!
We gotta stop him. Don't ask me
how. I'm a vague-ideas guy.
We need someone smart,
someone who went to Stanford,
won a Rhodes scholarship,
then attended Yale Law.
- Oh, God.
- Shut up.
This Schultz boob just jumped
into the race with no policies.
If we want to go
toe-to-hoof with him,
we need someone
equally thoughtless.
She's right.
Overthinking's what got us
into this mess,
and underthinking
is gonna get us out.
Hmm. Who do we know
that never puts
a single thought
into anything they do?
Wow! And then
he just went home?
I'm not perfect,
but I'm not Ted Kennedy.
I've made Jayne wait
long enough.
By the way,
should you ever need
the strongest barbiturates
known to medical science,
look behind the painting
in the state dining room.
If that's Jackie, uh,
tell her I'm fighting for
civil rights or some crap.
Hello?
Every one of 'em?
And behind Howard Schultz's
eyes, it's completely black.
He doesn't feel
like you and me.
He's got acid for blood!
Why would I team up with
you guys to take him down?
You really want
to go mano-a-mano
with someone who thought less
about their campaign than you?
Alright.
Follow my lead,
even though I have the barest
wisp of an idea where I'm going.
♪ Space Force, yeah! ♪
♪ Space Force! ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Space Force! ♪
So each
and every one of you
is dropping out of the race
and endorsing me?
- Mm-hmm.
- Uh-huh.
I figured it would come to this,
just not so soon.
How about some...
Starbucks to celebrate?
How thoughtful.
Anyone else gonna partake?
- Nope.
- No.
Okay.
Ahh. This was lovely.
I'll be back
with my designers
who specialize
in interiors
that, once you enter,
you immediately want to leave.
Idiot! I put JFK's horse
tranquilizers in that coffee!
And as soon as you pass out,
we're shooting you into space!
- Whoo-hoo!
- Take that, asshole!
Why aren't you panicking?
Starbucks coffee is so acidic
that it neutralizes the effects
of even the most dangerous
barbiturates.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna have you arrested
for conspiracy to be mean
to a billionaire.
Don't you mean
"person of means"?
"Billionaire" is my word.
I can say it.
Okay, Trump.
What's your Plan B?
Aww. You thought
I had a Plan A.
You're alright, Lizzy.
Well, I guess this is it
for all of us.
If you guys want to take
anything from the White House,
I got a crowbar in my desk.
- Wait. But what if we just...
- It's over, Beto.
Times like these, I feel
more grateful than ever
that I have
a girlfriend.
- She doesn't exist!
- Shut up!
Take me to the sheriff's office.
No lollygagging.
Right away,
future president.
Finally.
Someone gets it.
What the hell
are we doing out here?
The pawn shop closes
in 45 minutes.
Sir, I knew you wouldn't
have a backup plan
to take down
Howard Schultz,
and Earth would fly off orbit
into the sun
if Americans lost faith
in their doughy, white men.
So I came up with a plan
myself.
Please direct your attention
to the distance,
where the hog-tied
coffee magnate
is loaded into a rocket
headed for space
in three, two, one!
Blast off!
- Whoo-hoo!
- Spaaaace Foooorrrce!
Please explode, please explode,
please explode.
- Whoo!
- Aww, it didn't explode!
Not that I have a problem
with someone being
in a confined space
indefinitely,
but aren't we kind of
leaving Schultz to die in space?
Oh, he has enough water
and gerbil pellets
to last him well past
the 2020 election.
Doesn't China, Iran,
and North Korea
have militarized
spacecrafts up there?
I read that in
a French newspaper!
Oh, yeah!
But on the other hand,
pretty big-ass explosion, right?
- Yeah!
- What a beautiful sight!
Plus,
you blew up a rocket.
And when a rocket explodes
and you need more rockets,
it's a beautiful thing.
You guys look so good.
You can't kill Howard Schultz.
I was here
before the world began.
Ha ha ha ha. Ha.
We felt bad Space Force
didn't work out
because you're crazy dumb,
so we got you this.
You know what?
A cool sweatshirt is all
I wanted the whole time.
We'll, uh, see you
on the campaign trail?
Yep! Until one of you wins,
I declare the election invalid,
and we settle this
in the streets.
Sync corrections by srjanapala
♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪
♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪
♪ Is Donald Trump
the president? ♪
♪ Yes, he is ♪
♪ Yes, he is,
we elected him president ♪
♪ Is Donald Trump
the president? ♪
♪ Yes, he is ♪
♪ We had a vote
and elected him president ♪
♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪
♪ Donald Trump ♪
♪ He is our president ♪
♪ We made him president ♪
♪ We did it ♪
♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪
♪ We elected Donald Trump ♪
♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪
♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
Trump!
the President
of the United States.
My fellow Americans,
I would like to address reports
alleging that I was friends
with billionaire convicted
sexual predator Jeffrey Epstein
and attended
his infamous parties.
Sure, I told New York Magazine
in 2002
that Epstein is a terrific guy.
But that was before I found out
that I said later
in the same sentence
that he likes beautiful women
on the younger side.
I knew I had to cut off
our relationship
right then
and several years after there.
Now, I've brought someone
who can confirm
that we are very innocent.
Hey, everybody.
It's me,
America's cold sore.
Every few years,
I pop up and remind you
of your bad choices
in the nineties.
I have never been to
Jeffrey Epstein's home
on 71st Street between Fifth
and Madison near Jody's Juice.
Try the strawberry.
It's delicious.
And why would I go
to Epstein's home?
I don't want to be reminded
of the things I've seen there.
Let's talk about
the so-called "Epstein Jet"
on which Jeffy-Boy
and his friends,
who know him as Jeffy-Boy...
Jeffy-Boy!
Allegedly committed
vile acts.
Sure, witnesses allege
we were passengers,
but so was Kevin Spacey.
I don't think
this Boy Scout
would let anything untoward
happen up there.
The only reason
I was on that jet
26... I mean, 4 times...
And I promise I didn't smoke
a cigarette in the bathroom.
Which is the only law
in the sky,
according to our attorney
Alan Dershowitz.
Dershy-Boy!
He litigates like
his freedom depends on it.
And it does.
You know, Bill and I
may disagree on healthcare
and criminal justice...
Barely.
But we are
unified against
these all-but-undeniable
accusations.
In the end, aren't we all
just Americans
accused of the most ghastly
crime imaginable?
And on an unrelated note,
I am naming
a new Deputy Attorney General...
Jeffrey Epstein.
I'm also pardoning him
and having his mouth
filled with cement.
Don't you crack,
Jeffy-Boy!
We're sending a rope and potato
chips down that well! I promise!
- Bill, you're my best friend!
- And you're mine!
We're gonna get through this
together, little brother!
I can't believe we almost let
Hillary tear us apart!
This has been a message from
two Presidents
of the United States.
- It's Joe's turn!
- There's
not room for us both!
*OUR CARTOON PRESIDENT*
Season 02 Episode 10
Episode Title : "Space Force"
Fifty years ago today,
Buzz Aldrin
and a wise-ass talking monkey
threw on some scuba gear,
boarded Apollo Creed,
and shot up to the largest
of all our planets... the Moon.
Buzz took some funny pictures,
and NASA left the monkey to die.
The end.
Wait! Wait! Wait! Shut up!
- Sir, is everything...
- Shhh!
- It's just...
- Shhhhhhhh!
Holy shit!
I forgot about...
Sp-a-a-a-ce Fo-o-o-o-rce!
Space Force! Space Force!
Space Force! Space Force!
We gotta do Space Force!
What happened to Space Force?!
You sort of went on an
obstruction-of-justice bender,
so we kicked it
down the road.
Mike, you garage-door
motor-brained moron!
We could be blowing up stuff in
space right now, and instead...
I'm commemorating
this Kirk Douglas-looking-ass
space clown!
Give me four hours,
and I'll have an update.
Cool. Yeah.
Take your time.
It's not like I'm your boss
or anything.
I'm so excited!
Are you excited? I'm excited!
Don't start. I gotta pee.
It's starting! Forget it!
I'll pee at halftime.
Here is your update on
Space Force, an institution
I fundamentally disagree with
as a science skeptic,
but no one listened when
I explained that 17 times,
so here we go.
Whoo-hoo!
Space Force!
Oh, man, I got to pee so bad.
I'm gonna pee in a cup!
Next slide, please.
The Defense Department's
legislative proposal outlines
- a five-year rollout...
- Ah, geez.
Beginning the start
of fiscal year 2020.
The budget request is...
Ugh.
$72.4 million...
0.07% of the annual...
- Ueeeghhh!
- D.O.D. budget.
Mikey, I asked
for Star Wars,
and you brought me
Star Wars: The Book!
I've read some Star Wars books.
They're actually pretty good.
Pompeo, you're
so far out of your lane
that you've slammed
into a Roy Rogers.
Here are the questions
I want answered.
Will the rockets
have thick, red lasers?
Will the astronauts be 500-pound
nutjobs with buzz cuts?
Can we all get sweatshirts
that say "Space Force"?
First, we need to lay
the legislative and
budgetary groundwork.
I'm so mad at you
right now!
Everyone, make sure
Pence drinks this cup!
"Groundwork."
What an asshole!
Thank you all for attending
the 2019 Iowa Democratic Party
Hall of Fame Dinner.
See you at the Iowa Caucuses!
What's the first thing you're
gonna do when you're president?
I'm gonna give a speech
so lacking in substance
that time freezes and I can
check out everyone's underpants.
I'm gonna take off
these wool socks.
Both my feet look like
the potato nobody buys
because it's started to
sprout its own side potato.
I'm gonna call
Al Franken and say,
"Can you believe you're there
and I'm here?"
You all think I'm gonna do
some Native American
celebratory dance, but I won't.
My tribe values quiet reflection
over revelry.
I'm gonna kick back
and teach myself Welsh.
I'm gonna bring in a pig,
tell my staff it's the mascot,
let them pet it...
then jam an iron rod through
its frickin' forehead!
- Holy crap!
- Jesus, Amy!
What is wrong with you?
Ohh, so when a man
slaughters a pig
in front of his staff...
- No!
- That's your defense?!
- What about you, Cory?
- Oh, thank you for asking.
- I'm gonna...
- I'm just messin' with you.
You're not
gonna be president!
It's not funny!
Good news is, one of us
will absolutely beat Trump,
and nothing
will change that.
Good news for
the White House tonight.
President Trump's approval
rating is holding steady,
and in key states,
he's running even
with many
in the Democratic field.
Daddy! I heard you made
Mike Pence drink pee!
Did he try to wash
your feet again?
Mike hasn't done a minute
of work on Space Force.
This isn't like figuring out
which candy to keep
in a steakhouse
men's room
where you really got to
hunker down on the details.
It's a space mission.
I'll talk to him. Which Equinox
does he belong to again?
Forget it. It's just...
every time I try to do
something cool...
Like the wall
or Muslim Ban...
Some nerd has to come along
and talk my ear off
about whether it's actually
possible, as if I care.
Ugh! Samesies.
I tried to turn Jared
into Channing Tatum
by taping
human muscles to him,
and some scientist was like,
"That won't work."
Thanks for meeting
with us on short notice.
We know you've got
a lot of shade
and clapback
on your schedule.
Everyone in my bubble
says Trump is doomed,
but his poll numbers
are steady.
What did you learn from your
loss that can help us beat him?
I didn't lose.
I won the popular vote
and the presidency.
- Uhh...
- Uh, I-I... Uh...
The 2020 campaign
brought back some bad memories
that she's coped with
by breaking off
into her own reality.
One time,
I tried to wake her up,
and she bit me
in the Adam's apple!
I gotta kick you out.
The "cabinet meeting"
is starting soon,
and I gotta put suits and ties
on the cats.
Bill, please remind
the Secretary of Education
to stop licking
his asshole.
This is some burden,
but I figure it's God
punishing me for all the things
I did and continue to do.
Secretary Fuzzy Wuzzy,
I want boots on the ground
in Turkmenistan yesterday!
You're watching
"Space Fighters:
Thick Laser Edition."
Hey, Mister
P-r-r-resident!
I heard from someone
who has friends
that you're giving up
on Space Force.
Space Force is gonna be
our most awesome
quagmire-generating
military branch yet!
And we are not
just saying that
because the defense
aeronautics industry
digs us another
subterranean wine cave
every time we utter
the word "rocket."
Rocket, rocket, rocket!
You really think Space Force
is worth more of my time
than tricking Pompeo
into eating a caterpillar?
Being the president
who launched Space Force
would be pretty cool...
Hey, aren't you the president
who started a military branch
that's in friggin' space?
- Guilty!
- Holy shit.
The pizza's on me, sir.
Hey, want to see what
the pepperonis look like
before we chop 'em up?
Goddamn right I do!
Gentlemen...
I'll reconsider.
Hoo-hoo-hoo! That's the spirit!
Can I do a mission?
I can't wait to find out
what zero gravity does
to my jowl meat!
Blblblblblblb-oglglgl!
Blblblblblblb!
Ted Cr-u-u-u-u-uz!
Last night, I had a dream
that I won the nomination
then lost all 50 states
to Trump.
I couldn't get one
senator's wife to hug me!
I had the same dream.
Except for the last part.
- Me too.
- Yeah, except for that last part.
Yeah, no, definitely
not that last part.
Fuck it. I'm not letting
that nightmare come true.
I'm throwing the race.
The presidency can eat my ass.
- You're dropping out?
- No, you deaf shower fungus.
I'm sittin' on
millions in donor cash.
I'm gonna Brewster's Millions
this shit
until there's not
a nickel left.
It's not a bad idea.
I'm throwing my race, too.
- Me too.
- Me too.
Is anyone gonna try to win?
- No. - No. - No. - No.
- I don't know how to lose.
Just keep doing
what you're doing.
The question is now...
Who's gonna be the best
worst candidate?
♪♪♪
Look at space.
So peaceful. So boring.
Leave it to Pence
to make deploying
a sophisticated
military apparatus
in zero gravity
sound complicated.
For some people,
it is complicated,
but you don't have to
worry about that.
You're the guy who walks
into that boardroom,
says whatever
the hell you want,
and leaves the minimum-wage
doctor nerds to figure it out.
You've thoughtlessly
blurted out amazing ideas...
Trump Computer,
Trump Milk,
Trump Four-Legged
Pleasure Doll.
Those didn't work, Eric,
and the milk was
sharp to the touch.
But this time
is gonna be different.
Oh, really?
How could you think that?
Because I'm not thinking, Dad,
and you shouldn't, either.
♪♪♪
My fellow Americans, we choose
to launch Space Force
before the week is out,
not because it's easy...
Which it is, Mike...
Not because
aeronautic defense contractors
overpay their
Mar-a-Iago dues 400%,
but because it's cool as hell!
Because that goal will allow us
to make sweet sweatshirts.
Because that challenge
is one that will produce,
if we're lucky, a big-ass
explosion in zero gravity.
In conclusion...
Spa-a-a-ce Fo-o-o-o-rce!
As we all know,
Pence's Space Force book report
was a snoozer,
so I made a version
that covers the nitty-gritty
but is still enjoyable.
Lights...
♪ Huah! Huah! ♪
♪ Space! Force! ♪
♪ Space Force, yeah! ♪
♪ Space Force, yeah! ♪
So, just do that.
I assume there aren't
any questions.
Uhp, I see a few hands.
Bathroom's down the hall.
What were we supposed
to gain from that?
Space Force is awesome.
Next question.
Why did the rocket
explode at the end?
Because it's awesome.
Next question.
Do we have
the budget for this?
Do you have the budget
for your shitty face?!
Are there any
cool questions?
Unlike your casinos,
if this fails,
you can't convert space into
an unlicensed pigeon sanctuary.
We need a backup plan.
Or at least a plan.
I'm gonna show you turds
how wrong you are.
The following words
are now forbidden...
"plan," "details,"
and "fully functional."
Got it?
I'm Rachel Maddow,
and my lunch order mentions
the Teapot Dome scandal.
A strange day on the Democratic
presidential campaign trail.
It appears as though
the candidates
are tanking their campaigns
so none have to face
Donald Trump
in the general election.
Here are the highlights.
If I could, I'd do the whole
Anita Hill thing over again
the exact same way!
I want you all to meet
my mascot, Mr. Oinky!
As an African-American woman,
I...
You know who gets a bad rap?
Stalin!
I'm gonna turn meter maids into
mindless killing machines! Yes!
If elected president, I will get
blackout at my inauguration,
hop in my minivan, and sideswipe
the Washington Monument!
My pick for vice president
is the next
chipped-tooth motherfucker
I run into on the street.
Sir, you're about to be
very happy,
because we're here to look
at the first prototypes
for space-based weaponry!
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
Is someone filming this?!
Very funny, Bolton.
Now show me the real spaceship
with plasma railguns,
command bridge,
and bumper sticker that says
"My other ride is your wife."
These are the weapons.
That part there emits
high-powered microwaves
and radio-frequency jammers.
They're small due to
the payload capacities...
Blah, blah-blah, blah-blah,
blah-blah, blah-blah!
You all are really testing
my faith in humanity's ability
to slaughter each other
in space.
Welcome to another
2020 presidential debate
featuring the candidates
from the Democratic Party.
I'm Anderson Cooper,
and, no, I'm not.
The candidates are
coming off a rough week
but can hopefully
redeem themselves tonight.
Mr. Vice President,
why should you be
President of the United States?
Tonight ain't about why
you should vote for me...
A man who Obama chained
to a radiator for eight years...
But why you should vote
for someone else.
I don't know, let's say,
overdue Medal of Honor recipient
Pete Buttigieg!
No, no, no.
Don't vote for me.
I'm just trying to get a job
outside the Midwest.
This place sucks.
Vote for a true patriot...
My dear friend
Amy Klobuchar!
Fuck you!
Don't vote for me.
I have a power drill under my
desk in case an intern sneezes!
Elizabeth Warren,
on the other hand,
is a goddamn saint.
Lizzy's not here right now!
I'm the Dark Proggo,
fire prince of the night,
swallower of souls,
and the last thing children see
before they die!
Actually, I would make
an excellent president,
- and here's why...
- Shut up!
You're the worst!
What are we
watching here?
- Doctors performing surgery?
- Wrong.
We're watching doctors
not thinking.
Thinking gets in the way
of your body doing
what it innately
knows how to do.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure they're
thinking while doing surgery.
Maybe a better metaphor
would be, uh, figure skating?
Figure skaters
have to think
about every muscle
in their body.
Space Force is like surgery...
Simple.
We just jam a busty,
scorpion-shaped space shuttle
into a cannon
and light the wick.
Can it be a regular shuttle
with a curvaceous scorpion
- painted on the side?
- Ugh!
You're making the biggest
mistake of your life, but fine.
Space Force in five...
Four, three, two, one!
- Whoo-hoo!
- Whoo-hoo!
Here it goes!
Why isn't it launching?!
Because you just
started counting down
irregardless
of the launch time.
And that's when I knew
I would never be able
to buy off-the-rack
socks again.
Spppaaaace Foooorrrce!
Don't explode, don't explode,
don't explode, don't explode.
It didn't explode!
Ha-ha!
Mission control assures me
the rocket is dressed as a nun
so no one suspects
it's about to kill someone.
But this isn't just a victory
for the good people
at Lockheed Martin, Boeing,
and the now-rejuvenated
skull-shaped island market.
It's a victory
for thoughtlessness.
Like the Iraq War
or Obamacare website,
from this moment forward,
we will not
think things through!
Mr. President, weren't both
of those massive failures?
Iraq? No, that was pr...
No, that was pretty bad.
That website, though... N...
No, that...
That was bad, also.
Uh, oh, uh, uh...
Can you excuse me?
Shit-shit-shit-shit,
shit-shit-shit-shit-shit...
A new poll
shows the floundering
Democratic
presidential candidates
all with 0% support.
- Hey, hey!
- We did it!
Congratulations, kids.
I wouldn't wish Hillary's fate
upon anyone.
If you want to be
Secretary of Transportation,
you need to let Mommy
give you a bath.
On the Republican side,
concern that President Trump
is leading the United States
into a military quagmire
in space
has caused his poll numbers
to slump.
Hey, guys...
what if Donald Trump
becomes vulnerable again?
I told a bunch
of schoolchildren
I was gonna cut off their
faces with a meat slicer.
If Trump's unpopular
and we're unpopular,
who is America
gonna vote for?
Widespread opposition of
the major-party candidates
has reactivated the campaign
of Starbucks CEO
and nihilist sociopath
Howard Schultz.
- Aaaaah!
- Nooooo!
I don't
want to know. Is it bad?
It's fine, as long
as the Chinese, Iranians,
and North Koreans
play nice.
Boom! Ha-ha!
Felt that one
in my tailbone!
Looks like you're
gonna need to send up
some more weapons, Don!
You guys look great!
Where did you get
all that stuff?
Our friends Lockheed and Martin
took us shopping!
Unrelated to this.
No further questions,
Your Honor.
How quickly can we blast nine
more billion-dollar rockets
into that powder keg
in the sky?
The president just launched
more rockets into space...
An escalation that,
history shows us,
leads to an everlasting peace.
Just kidding. It caused
a five-nation space war.
Meanwhile, scientists warn
that space debris
is falling at deadly speeds,
just like the President's
poll numbers.
Great. We just turned this
into a three-way race.
I haven't felt this lousy
since Patty Murray pantsed me
on my first day
in the Senate.
Throwing this race
was a great idea, Amy.
- I don't like that mouth at all!
- Whoa!
- Hey, calm down!
- De-escalate!
Are you...
expecting someone?
No.
That's not someone.
That's some thing.
Daddy's home.
- Aaaah!
- Noooo!
Holy shit! It's him! Hillary,
where do you keep your guns?!
No guns, but I do have
the nuclear football.
- Amy, get him!
- I looked him in the eye!
I can't move!
Behold the awesome
power of a centrist
who appeals
to the 42% of Americans
who identify
as independent.
Those voters
could be independent
because they're far left
or they're far right,
you crazy-eyed bastard!
Oh, yeah. Huh.
Hm. It doesn't matter.
By saturating Americans
with Starbucks for decades,
I've primed them
to support a candidate
who is just as
physically nauseating
and economically criminal
as that terrible coffee.
Americans are readier
than ever
to get behind
something that sucks.
They're ready for
Howard Schultz.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Well, I'm gonna punch out
for the day.
If you guys need me,
I'll be just doing my thang.
Oh, and, uh, if you left
your deck chairs outside,
you might want to drag 'em in
because it's really
coming down today.
Sir, fiery metal chunks
traveling at the speed of sound
are falling from space.
Oh, really?
Well, are you sure Earth isn't
just going up into the chunks?
I asked the same thing,
but a guy with glasses
explained that it's not.
I know, Pompeo. Okay?
You know why it's happening?
Because you all spent
so much time
focusing on the
Space Force details
that you lost sight
of the overall awesomeness!
Sir, this is why you always
need a backup plan.
I thought
I banned the P-word!
You know, launching a program
that incites
an international arms race
in a once-peaceful frontier
could've been fun!
But you brainiacs ruined it!
At least
pizza will cheer me up.
- One slice of pepperoni, please.
- Not for you.
My boss is making me
go up to the roof
and clean up space junk thanks
to your brainless bullshit.
Come on, man!
I've had a rough day.
Just give me one?
I'm gonna call the cops,
my dude. Take a hike.
Fine. I'll go.
But only if you show me
what the pepperonis look like
before you chop 'em up.
I'll take that secret
to my grave.
Now beat it before
I kick your ass.
Ugh! Not again!
Jackie,
where's the broom?!
Look, Howard, I respect what
you've done with Starbucks.
No one drives their
employees insane
with Norah Jones music
better than you.
But if you run, hell, you'll
hand the presidency to Trump.
Joe, what are you talking about?
I'm already the president.
What?
"Instead of
'billionaire, '
I prefer you call me
a 'person of means.'
President
Howard Schultz"?!
I'm too late!
And in political news,
space junk continues
to kill thousands...
and President Trump's
re-election chances.
Maybe mankind just
wasn't meant to bring
their mindless bloodlust
to the heavens.
- Yes, they are.
- John F. Kennedy?
You're Congressman
Joe Kennedy III's great-uncle!
What's that silver-tongued
spitfire like?
No time for chitchat.
I'm just killing time
before I'm meeting
the ghost of Jayne Mansfield
on Mike Pence's desk.
When I announced
we'd go to the Moon,
I had no idea
it was even possible.
I was so goofed up on pain pills
that I just blurted it out,
and, luckily, thousands
of eggheads made it happen.
I wish Space Force
was like that.
It is.
Just keep the faith.
Us privileged white sons
of Nazi sympathizers
need not concern ourselves
with details,
because no matter
how great our errors,
how harebrained our schemes,
how depraved
our predilections,
those who serve beneath us
will provide
a nice, soft landing.
Is there
a historical anecdote
that illustrates
your exact point?
Chappaquiddick.
Look it up.
I had a dream last night
Schultz ate our souls!
- Me too!
- Me too!
We gotta stop him. Don't ask me
how. I'm a vague-ideas guy.
We need someone smart,
someone who went to Stanford,
won a Rhodes scholarship,
then attended Yale Law.
- Oh, God.
- Shut up.
This Schultz boob just jumped
into the race with no policies.
If we want to go
toe-to-hoof with him,
we need someone
equally thoughtless.
She's right.
Overthinking's what got us
into this mess,
and underthinking
is gonna get us out.
Hmm. Who do we know
that never puts
a single thought
into anything they do?
Wow! And then
he just went home?
I'm not perfect,
but I'm not Ted Kennedy.
I've made Jayne wait
long enough.
By the way,
should you ever need
the strongest barbiturates
known to medical science,
look behind the painting
in the state dining room.
If that's Jackie, uh,
tell her I'm fighting for
civil rights or some crap.
Hello?
Every one of 'em?
And behind Howard Schultz's
eyes, it's completely black.
He doesn't feel
like you and me.
He's got acid for blood!
Why would I team up with
you guys to take him down?
You really want
to go mano-a-mano
with someone who thought less
about their campaign than you?
Alright.
Follow my lead,
even though I have the barest
wisp of an idea where I'm going.
♪ Space Force, yeah! ♪
♪ Space Force! ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Space Force! ♪
So each
and every one of you
is dropping out of the race
and endorsing me?
- Mm-hmm.
- Uh-huh.
I figured it would come to this,
just not so soon.
How about some...
Starbucks to celebrate?
How thoughtful.
Anyone else gonna partake?
- Nope.
- No.
Okay.
Ahh. This was lovely.
I'll be back
with my designers
who specialize
in interiors
that, once you enter,
you immediately want to leave.
Idiot! I put JFK's horse
tranquilizers in that coffee!
And as soon as you pass out,
we're shooting you into space!
- Whoo-hoo!
- Take that, asshole!
Why aren't you panicking?
Starbucks coffee is so acidic
that it neutralizes the effects
of even the most dangerous
barbiturates.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna have you arrested
for conspiracy to be mean
to a billionaire.
Don't you mean
"person of means"?
"Billionaire" is my word.
I can say it.
Okay, Trump.
What's your Plan B?
Aww. You thought
I had a Plan A.
You're alright, Lizzy.
Well, I guess this is it
for all of us.
If you guys want to take
anything from the White House,
I got a crowbar in my desk.
- Wait. But what if we just...
- It's over, Beto.
Times like these, I feel
more grateful than ever
that I have
a girlfriend.
- She doesn't exist!
- Shut up!
Take me to the sheriff's office.
No lollygagging.
Right away,
future president.
Finally.
Someone gets it.
What the hell
are we doing out here?
The pawn shop closes
in 45 minutes.
Sir, I knew you wouldn't
have a backup plan
to take down
Howard Schultz,
and Earth would fly off orbit
into the sun
if Americans lost faith
in their doughy, white men.
So I came up with a plan
myself.
Please direct your attention
to the distance,
where the hog-tied
coffee magnate
is loaded into a rocket
headed for space
in three, two, one!
Blast off!
- Whoo-hoo!
- Spaaaace Foooorrrce!
Please explode, please explode,
please explode.
- Whoo!
- Aww, it didn't explode!
Not that I have a problem
with someone being
in a confined space
indefinitely,
but aren't we kind of
leaving Schultz to die in space?
Oh, he has enough water
and gerbil pellets
to last him well past
the 2020 election.
Doesn't China, Iran,
and North Korea
have militarized
spacecrafts up there?
I read that in
a French newspaper!
Oh, yeah!
But on the other hand,
pretty big-ass explosion, right?
- Yeah!
- What a beautiful sight!
Plus,
you blew up a rocket.
And when a rocket explodes
and you need more rockets,
it's a beautiful thing.
You guys look so good.
You can't kill Howard Schultz.
I was here
before the world began.
Ha ha ha ha. Ha.
We felt bad Space Force
didn't work out
because you're crazy dumb,
so we got you this.
You know what?
A cool sweatshirt is all
I wanted the whole time.
We'll, uh, see you
on the campaign trail?
Yep! Until one of you wins,
I declare the election invalid,
and we settle this
in the streets.
Sync corrections by srjanapala
♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪
♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪
♪ Is Donald Trump
the president? ♪
♪ Yes, he is ♪
♪ Yes, he is,
we elected him president ♪
♪ Is Donald Trump
the president? ♪
♪ Yes, he is ♪
♪ We had a vote
and elected him president ♪
♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪
♪ Donald Trump ♪
♪ He is our president ♪
♪ We made him president ♪
♪ We did it ♪
♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪
♪ We elected Donald Trump ♪
♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪
♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
Trump!