Orange Is the New Black (2013–…): Season 7, Episode 12 - The Big House - full transcript

Ms. Jefferson, your presence
has been requested

in the attorney visitation room.

Come on, let's go.

Yo, Professor T. Today's the big GED day.

Check this out. My power pose.

Gonna make me feel confident
even if I'm not feeling it.

It works on a deeper level.

- Okay, let's keep it moving.
- Can't.

Read you gotta hold the pose for
two minutes for the confidence to sink in.

You should try too, for something
you wanna feel more brave on.

I apologize. Um...



I am scheduled for a hearing in Albany
this afternoon,

so I'm a little bit scattered.

I'm truly sorry that it's taken this long
to sit down with you,

but we wanted to make sure that we were
being as thorough as possible.

Yeah, yeah.
I mean, it's the first steps, right?

I read in the law library

that habeas petitions
usually take a while, so...

I reviewed your friend's notebook,
and to be 100% honest...

I don't think
it meets the evidentiary burden

for a habeas proceeding.

You're welcome to file one pro se,
but our organization--

Nah, that ain't possible.
Did you read it?

I read it, Tasha. It's not enough.

Okay, then read it again.



Look, I know
Suzanne ain't the best witness,

but one thing about her, she don't lie.

Those CERT officers are the ones
who killed Piscatella, not me.

You have to believe me.

I do believe you, but that's not enough.

Suzanne was having a psychotic episode
when she gave her original statement.

-She's not a credible witness.
-Okay, um...

Then what about Cindy Hayes?

We can maybe get her to retract
if we show her the book?

We can't locate her.

We reached out to her family,
and they've lost contact.

There's no evidence, Tasha.

We've spent an enormous amount
of our resources scouring,

but there's nothing. I'm sorry.

"Sorry"?

You know I'm innocent.

And you know...

I'mma spend the rest of my life in here,

and all you got for me is "I'm sorry"?

Man, if that's all you got,
get the fuck out of my face.

I'll come by and check on you
once you've calmed down.

Nah.

I ain't never seeing you again.

Don't give up.

Ah, come on, Tuck, you know this. The--

- Listen. The Declaration of Independence.
- Fuck. I knew it.

Fuck me.
Can't believe this test is in an hour.

I'm so gonna fail this. Thanks,
Travis Kimball, you were right.

Who's Travis Kimball?

He was this fucking guy in tenth grade

that always said,
"You're dumb as a Dog-gett."

You're not dumb.
You just got a special brain, like me.

I know that this might be
hard for you to believe,

but when I was in school,
people used to call me names, too.

-Really?
-Yeah. I know.

But Mommy said I can't listen
to the people

who know the least about me.

I gotta listen to the people
who know me the most.

-And I know you pretty well, right?
-Yeah.

Better than anyone in this prison?

Yeah, and better
than the whole world, maybe?

Yeah.

Then, as the world
Tiffany Doggett expert...

-Mmm.
-...I say, Travis Kimball doesn't know

what the fucking fuck he is talking about.

Yeah. Fucking married his aunt.

I think you're smart.

And I think you're gonna pass this test.

When I had a big test, Mommy would say

I could have all the pineapple juice
that I wanted after.

Why? Pineapple juice tastes like farts.

Disagree.

What was the reward you liked
when you were a kid?

If I was really calm, and I was quiet,
and my mom had a man friend over,

I would get breakfast for dinner.

-Oh! Breakfast for dinner?
-Mmm-hmm.

It's done.

-How are we gonna get--
-No.

It's done.

Now...

- "Where was..."
- Shit.

"...the first of the 13 colonies located?"

Um, Virginia. Because America was a virgin
before the British entered.

And the crowd goes wild!

Here she comes. Let me do the talking.

- Good morning, Warden.
- Mmm-hmm.

You look very interesting today.

Those are very interesting clothes
that you're wearing.

You have one minute to say whatever
you're stalling to say. Talk fast.

We were hoping for clarification
as to whether it's standard protocol

to search or not search
the kitchen crew inmates--

One of our kitchen workers
smuggled a phone

into the immigration detention center
last night,

and ICE is not happy about it.

I will reach out
and try and smooth it over

so they don't involve corporate.

Send the inmate to me.
We're gonna have to pursue formal charges.

We don't know which inmate is responsible.

Then find out.

Are you giving us authorization
to interrogate inmates?

Do whatever you have to do.

Good morning, I was hoping
to speak with Danny Pearson please.

Ah, yes, I've been calling to discuss
a microloan project

that I'm working on
with a very bright Litchfield inmate.

Uh, Joe Caputo.

Oh, is he?

When exactly do you expect him
to free up?

Because he's been in meetings
the last four times I called, too.

No, I'm not taking a tone with you.

I just wish he'd stop avoiding me.

Oh, yes, he is. He--

Yes, he is. Yes, he is. I'm not stupid.

He hung up.

How are those calls coming?

No one will even take my call.

They hear my name,
and suddenly, they're busy.

You should try giving up.
It's working for me.

You're not going in to work?

I'm calling in sick because, technically,
I'm sick of their shit.

Why are you so dressed up, Mr. Belvedere?

Oh, well, Tamika's throwing
an end-of-semester party for the programs.

Thought I might go.

You know, hand out the certificates
for restorative justice.

You really think that's a good idea?

Everyone probably knows
you're a sex offender by now.

I am not a sex offender.

I'm a sexual harasser,
and you know the difference.

I mean, what am I supposed to do?
Hide in a cave the rest of my life?

I-- I can't make calls, I can't teach.

And-- And Tamika said I can come.
A last visit to say goodbye.

I owe those girls at least that.

Women. They're women.

Those women
do not deserve to be penalized for my--

You can't say "penalized"
anymore. It's a microaggression.

You're also not allowed to invite anyone
out to cocktails

or ask them to take dictation.

You are like a 12-year-old.

Oh, you definitely
can't say "12-year-old."

Ah!

-This is a good fucking sandwich.
-Mmm.

Thanks for coming.

I'm here because I know you're in pain.

I'm sorry that I'm responsible, I just...
I haven't changed my mind.

I know you think
we shouldn't be seeing each other anymore,

but it's because you won't
let yourself be happy.

You know, you actually
make me look forward

to coming to this horrible place.

And I know you feel something, too.
I've seen how you look at me.

I have a wife.

Why do you keep punishing yourself
over and over again,

when you know
you're never gonna be enough for her?

-I can't listen to this. I'm leaving.
-She's gonna leave you.

She was always going to, you know that.
You know it in your heart.

She's seeing someone else.

-You don't know that.
-Yes, I do.

I saw them at her apartment last night.

I wasn't planning to confront her,
but when I saw what she was doing...

Are you out of your fucking mind?

You stay away from my wife.

-Chilly?
-Yeah.

Thank you.

This view...

Yeah.

Sometimes, I forget to enjoy it.

-Oh, shit. Shit.
-Oh. Oh.

-Oh, I'm so sorry.
-No, it's okay.

I'll pay for dry cleaning.

Actually, how much does that cost?

Don't worry about it.

Um...

Shit.

-Excuse me. I'm gonna have to take this.
-Yeah.

Hello?

Why didn't you pick up?

Is that really how
you would like to start this conversation?

Look, I'm sorry
that CO showed up at your place.

If I'd known she was gonna do
something like that, I never would've--

You never would've what?
You never would've fucked her?

You sat in front of my face
and you lied to me.

Told me she was forcing you
to sell fucking phone chargers?

What a crock of shit.

What about you? Lie to me much?

What?

She told me that you're seeing someone.

-Do...
-Are you with her now?

Is that why you didn't answer your phone?

Is it Zelda?

-This is ridiculous.
-What?

If you're not with her,
just tell me right now.

Say, "No, I am not with Zelda."

Wow, Pipes, even for you.

What is that supposed to mean?

We are not doing this over the phone.
You need to come here.

What?

Diaz. Congratulations,
you got a new work assignment.

- I didn't ask for no work assignment.
- I ain't askin' if you asked.

Says here you're on the cleaning crew,
and you're assigned to SHU.

The fuck I gotta clean SHU for?

The roaches been complaining?
That shit's closed down.

Head guard makes the assignments.
I just hand them out.

I'm a cog in the prison machine.
Don't shoot the cog.

I don't know what you're bitching about.

You just hit the jackpot.
SHU's a fucking easy one.

No good bastard.
If I ever see Vinnie again,

I'm gonna squeeze his nuts so hard
that his nuts come popping out.

Then he's not gonna have no nuts no more,
just empty sacks.

Lorna, please. I mean, he's just...
You can't keep blaming Vinnie.

Why not? He can't get away with this.
He took my baby away.

-No, he didn't.
-Yes, he did.

No, he didn't.

Look, kid, I understand why
you wouldn't wanna accept what happened,

because that makes it real.

And losing your child...

I mean, that's the kind of pain
that a lot people never recover from.

I-- I almost admire you
for fighting it so hard,

but wh-- when I look at you,
I mean, really look at you,

I can see that a part of you knows.

Sterling is gone.

Yeah.

He died in the hospital.

And pretending that he's still alive
isn't gonna bring him back.

You just--
You gotta let him go so you can grieve.

What's wrong with you?

Why would you say something like that
to me? That's horrible.

Because it's the truth, all right?
You have to start accepting the truth.

You... You are just mad with me
because I never wanted to be with you!

All right. Lorna, you gotta calm down
or they're gonna send you to Florida.

You always hated that I was happy
with Christopher and Vinnie.

And now, you wanna make this stuff up

so I can be miserable and alone forever,
just like you!

- Hey.
- Lorna, you have to calm down.

I understand you are mad at me right now,

but, please, bring it down.
I want you here.

You having another episode, Morello?

Uh...

I'm angry, too. You know, I...

I mean, I think it's insane that there's
three starches in this meal, all right?

It's really not recommended for someone
who is pre-pre-diabetic.

- Take it up with the concierge, Nichols.
- Yeah.

-And keep it down.
-Aye, aye, captain.

-Remind me.
-Hmm.

How does someone as smart
and gorgeous as you...

-Mmm-hmm.
-...end up working in a dump like this?

Oh. I don't really work here.
I just wandered in off the street.

Found this uniform in a hamper
and just never left.

-Yeah?
-Mmm-hmm.

So, what drew you in, the stench of death?

Come on, it's gotta be a long way from...

What part of town
did you say you lived in?

I never said.

You-- You know what I like most about you?

Uh, my sexy black ass, and the fact
that I sneak you extra rice pudding.

Besides those two excellent qualities.

Every other goddamn person in here

wants to ask you about your life
or tell you about theirs.

You keep things light, you know?
I like that.

Thanks, Sid.

Uh...

You better watch your sugars, mister.

Yeah, that's what they tell me,
but you only die once.

That's true. That's true.
All right, here we are.

Mmm.

Uh...

-You remember the routine, right?
-Yeah.

-I'm gonna need your help.
-Mmm. Okay.

Come on.

-Okay. Here we go.
-Uh-huh.

Easy. Okay.

- Hang on. Okay. Yeah.
- All right.

-You got it? Okay.
-Yeah.

Uh, you okay with...

Ah, what are you gonna do?

Uh, you like Sam Cooke?

Do I like the greatest soul singer
of all time?

That's what I'm talking about. Here.

Oh.

Yeah?

Taystee?

What's up?

You gonna tell me or do I have to ask?

-Wh-- What are you talking about?
-The meeting. How'd it go?

Were you just gonna not tell me? Come on.
Girl, you're-- you're killing me here.

There's not much to tell.

I mean, the lawyer
wants to talk to a few more experts

before moving forward, so...

But it's moving forward.

All right. Tha-- Tha--
That's the direction we wanna go then.

Keep hope alive, huh?
We could celebrate at the party tonight.

Yeah. Uh, I'm not going to the party.

I wasn't really
a part of the program, so...

What are you talking about?
Your tutoring was the program.

Look, I was trying to keep it a surprise,
but I'm bringing in a bunch of donuts.

So, you gotta come. Come on.

I'm not going away till you promise.

All right, yeah. All right.

I promise.

-Yo, Tamika.
-Yo.

What if you got Storky's instead?
Instead of donuts.

Storky's.

Such a good idea.
I'm-- I'm-- I'mma make it happen. Got it.

Good afternoon. My name is Mr. Bibby.

I'll be administering
your high school equivalency exam.

Uh, what happened to Luschek?

Your teacher will not be present
for the exam,

and in the future,
if you have any questions,

please raise your hand.

Okay, damn, you don't have
to come at me like that.

The test is composed of five sections.

When there's a minute left
in each section,

I will give you a one-minute warning.

When your time is up, I will say "time"
and you will put your pencil down,

or your test will be invalid, and you will
be escorted from the exam room.

Yes?

Hi. Uh, what about for people
that get, uh, extra time?

No one's getting extra time.

No, that's not true. I get extra time.
I have a learning disability.

No, I don't have anyone approved
for extended testing time on this roster.

But I--
But I can't take the test without it.

You can-- You can ask Luschek.
He'll tell you.

It's too late. Your teacher should've
made the official request weeks ago.

He did.

My brain is different, all right?
This takes me longer!

I'm sorry. We have to move on.

You're not to open your exam booklet
until I have instructed you to do so.

Officer Alvarez, she's all yours.

I forgot what I was gonna say.

Tell us who smuggled in the phone

or all three of you
are getting five extra years.

Yeah, I think it was something
about a boiled frog.

I really don't know whose phone it is.

I'm sorry. I know it's not mine.
That's all I know.

You better hope your two friends' memories
aren't better than yours.

I can't get more time.

Gloria, please, you have to confess.

Look, I know you ain't never
gonna forgive me.

I'm okay with that, but don't
punish my daughter for my mistakes.

You know Pepa was sick last week?

She had this real bad cough
that kept her up all night crying.

And all I wanted was to be there

to rub alcoholado on her chest

and to read to her the book
that mi mamá used to read to me.

You know, the one about the sick donkey?

You had that book in Puerto Rico,
the one with the song?

I respect what you did.

You put yourself out there
for somebody else's kid.

I'm not gonna snitch.

But, please, don't keep me from mine.

Give her the chance to know me
while she's still a child.

The fuck is happening to this place?

This is a maximum security prison.

It's like a unicorn diarrhea-blasted
the whole fucking room.

I don't know.
I find it kind of invigorating.

I'm sorry, what--
what the fuck word did you say to me?

"Invigorating"? This is invigorating?

- Yup.
- Mr. Hopper.

It makes you feel good.

From Aleida.

Are you trying to say something with that?

You need to have a heart

- to understand what I mean.
- It's a cute word.

- No, I know what it means.
- Oh, do you?

- It's a little cutesy word.
- Tell me what it means.

- I know what it means.
- What does it mean?

- What are you hiding?
- I'm not hiding anything.

- Gentlemen, I got some paperwork to do.
- Mr. Invigorating.

-I'll catch you later.
-Does it make your butthole tingle?

-Is that what you're trying to say?
-Yeah, that's what I'm trying to say.

-Mmm-hmm. Oof.
-Makes my butthole tingle. Killjoy.

Hello?

Hello?

Please don't be anthrax or shit.

- Okay. Okay, you know--
- Can you wait one second?

Stop pushing me forward.
This place is fucking disgusting.

I don't wanna touch anything. You...
Okay, you know what?

Ow.

-Okay, this is better.
-All right. How's that?

-Are you even in?
-No, I meant the position.

I'm not... Shit. Yeah, now I'm in.

Okay. Yeah, you don't have to narrate it.
I can tell.

Oh, God. Yeah, I'm in. I'm in, in, in.

Oh, God. This is exactly what I needed.

Thank you, honey. This was a great idea.

This is actually not that bad.

-God.
-Why did you have to pick the SHU?

Oh, no, no, no. SHU was all you.

Yeah, no. You're the one that told me
to come down here.

Oh, I get it. You want me
to be the big, bad guard

taking you down to SHU
for a little extra punishment, huh?

-All right. Well, you're gonna get a shot.
-Okay.

- And another shot. And another.
- Okay, yeah.

And another. And another shot.
Another shot. Another shot. Another shot.

- Step away from the inmate, CO.
- No, no, no.

No, no, no.
This is a misunderstanding.

I literally caught you
with your pants down.

How exactly am I misunderstanding that?

We're in a relationship.
Her kids live with me.

We're-- We're basically married. Tell her.

Yeah. He takes care of my kids.

That doesn't change anything.

-CO Hopper...
-Please. He's all my kids got.

Inmate.

Warden. Warden, please. I need this job.

Finally learned how to call me
by my title.

-You're fired, Mr. Hopper.
-No, no, no.

Either that,
or I can file charges with the court,

see what they think of this arrangement?

CO Blake, please escort Ms. Diaz
back to her cell.

CO Young, please escort Mr. Hopper
off the premises.

Damn, Hopper, you got set up.

-We good?
-Yeah.

They must still be down there.

Shit, shit, shit. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I got it. I got it, I got it, I got it.

Yes! Yo, Tylenol. Thank you.

Hmm. Let's go.

Yes.

Shit.

-Isn't this cruel and unusual?
-Well, I won't deny that it's unusual.

Chickens are social creatures.
They need chicken-on-chicken contact.

No. We need to stop
the chicken-on-chicken violence.

What if this isolation
is just making them more violent?

- Ugh.
- You got them literally cooped up.

What if the solution
is more social interaction, not less?

No.

These chickens are bloodthirsty predators.
Superpredators.

Look, I can see it in their eyes.

-No.
-Yes.

Now, I know it is not ideal,

but it is the only solution
that we've got.

Look, an egg!

Now, I can make breakfast for dinner.

How lucky is that?

You have one minute left
in the math section.

Time.

Put your pencils down.

Pencils down.

This will conclude
your high school equivalency exam.

Please remain seated
as I collect your Scantron sheets.

"Yeah, this big house is a fixer-upper.

360 views of gray walls,
and the plumbing is a motherfucker."

"Don't you pay no never mind
to that soot falling from the ceiling.

That's from all the prayers
that turned to ash

before they left the building.

Guess that means it got character, right?"

Mmm. I dig it.

Do you feel that, huh? Those vibrations.

Take your shirt off!

And where's the Storky's at?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, I'm starving.

Okay, everyone, calm down.
The burgers are coming.

We'll be back with more vibrations
after a brief intermission.

Mr. Caputo.

These look like you just wrote our names
in Magic Marker.

That's what I did.

Then I guess you're the one
that really needs forgiveness, huh?

For giving us janky certificates.

Thank you for your feedback, Mx. Tawney.

Mr. Caputo, I wanted
to tell you something, if that's okay?

Of course, Beth. What-- What is it?

When I found out I was coming here,
I-- I knew it would be difficult.

And I expected I wouldn't have
any friends, which is true.

I don't have a single friend in here,
but I'm okay with that.

But what I couldn't prepare for was how
hard it would be for people to look at me.

I'm sorry.

That's awful.

I-- I try
when some of the new girls arrive,

but as soon as they find out what I did,
they stop, too.

And I-- I understand why.
I wouldn't wanna look at me, either.

-Oh, Beth, don't--
-You don't have to do that, Mr. Caputo.

I-- I know what I did. I know what my face
makes them think about.

I have to live with that.

But, uh, that's not what I-- I came over
to tell you.

I wanted to thank you,

because since your program,

some of the other
restorative justice girls

started to look at me again,

and some of them even smile at me
when they do.

That's real nice to hear. Thank you.

I guess what I'm...

What I'm trying to say is
it doesn't last forever.

If it ever seems like people
are turning away from you.

You heard?

I'm pretty sure
some of the other girls know, too.

I'm sorry to let you guys down like that.

Uh, I guess you understand now
why I have to go away.

Mr. Caputo, if-- if anyone has taught us

that people deserve a path to redemption,
it's you.

Besides, who are we to judge?

-Hey, good-for-nothing asshole.
-Hey.

What the fuck is wrong with you, huh?

I don't know. Too many drugs
before my brain fully developed?

You made me fail my test.

Hey, calm it down, kid.

Wait a minute. That's not really my fault.
I can only give you the tools--

Oh, really? You were supposed to request
more time for my dyslexia!

Do you remember that? Do you?

Do you know how hard I studied
for that test?

I studied my fucking ass off!
Do you know what you've done to me?

- Okay, Doggett.
- Do you?

-Let's calm down over here.
-No, 'cause I've known some real

fucking pieces of shit in my life,
but you, you're fucking garbage!

Pure fucking shit!

All right. All right. Let's go.

Would you look at that?

You look like shit, Nicky.
I almost didn't recognize you.

Well, I got a lot on my plate right now.

How's Morello?

Don't get me started on Morello.

I've been chasing her around all day,
trying to keep her out of trouble.

Thank fucking Christ,
she finally went down for a nap.

You've always loved her, haven't you?

I might have a soft spot for her,
but it's platonic.

Is there someone else?

Yeah, could've been.

And what happened to her?

She's gone. You know what?
Uh, let's not talk about me.

How did you get to be so good
at being a prison mom?

-I had a good teacher.
-Oh, yeah?

Beautiful, striking woman.

Her name is Galina,
but some people call her Red.

Come on. It's a-- It's a serious question.

And I gave you serious answer.

I didn't know what I was doing.
I figured it out.

All right, but you ran a whole kitchen.

I mean, you watched over
a bunch of degenerate knuckleheads,

not to mention
how you got a big-mouthed junkie

from the Upper East clean, you know?

That is some crazy multitasking
right there.

Well...

I raised three boys,
I ran a business and I just...

did.

I think sometimes you get so busy,

you don't have time to wonder
how you're doing it all.

You do it.

And then sometimes you hit a wall,
and you say...

"Okay, that's all I can handle."

And you back off
and try not to get near the wall again.

Okay, but what if you-- you really
don't wanna give up on something?

Even though, I mean, you know that it just
might be too much for you to handle,

like, even if you've just slammed
into that wall?

There's strength in admitting
what you can't do.

Nobody likes it...

but it's self-preservation.

It's getting late. Can you get Norma,
Gina and Tricia for me?

It's time to start preparing dinner soon.

Uh...

Can we just stay here a little longer?

Okay, dochenka, a little longer.

All right. One at a time.

Hey, you know if Suzanne is coming?

Mmm.

Listen, I really wish I could stay
and kick it,

but today has
been straight bullshit, so...

I wanted to tell you that--

Uh, yeah. What's up?

Nothing...

I just wanted to say
that I appreciate you trying...

with the programs.

Look, I hope... I hope you keep it up.

Damn straight, we're gonna keep it up.

Now, what are you waiting for, woman?

Hurry up, get in line. This is your idea.

Taystee.

Oh.

-I'm glad I caught you.
-Hi, Mr. Caputo.

I wanted to apologize in person

for not making any progress
on the loans for ex-felons thing.

-Nah, it's all right.
-Uh...

Truth is, I'm probably doing more harm
than good just being associated with it.

But you should reach out to people
on your own.

It might be good for them to hear
from somebody who's been there.

Yeah, maybe I'll do that.

I really am sorry, Taystee,
I couldn't do more.

Nah. You did everything you could.

I won't be around the prison much
'cause I'm not doing

restorative justice anymore.

So, I might not see you for a while.

I'd give you a big hug goodbye, but...

I'll see you, Taystee.

You're a good man, Mr. Caputo.

You take care.

Look, we know you didn't do it.

You've been working all this time
with zero incidents.

Just tell us it was Ruiz.

If you don't tell us,
then you're all getting added time.

Officer Alvarez,
can you tell me what that file says?

I'm sorry, I don't...
What am I supposed to be referencing?

The release date. Obviously,
I'm asking about her release date.

My release date is nine days away.

Your kids coming to pick you up?

Officer Alvarez, tell her what happens
to that release date

if she gets another five years added
to her sentence.

Seriously?

I apologize, okay?
I shouldn't have yelled.

You couldn't have known
I was asking about the release date,

because I didn't ask
for that specifically.

- I'm sorry.
- Thank you.

If you get another five years,

that's five more years
away from your kids.

Can you live with yourself
keeping children from their mother?

I love my kids.

We know.

So, you gonna tell us
who smuggled the phone?

I'm so sorry.

I did.

Hey, any of y'all seen Suzanne?

Professor T!

Yo, this Storky's is bomb as fuck.

I'm gonna pretend that they use
sustainable farmers and ranches and shit.

-I hope I'm right.
-Yeah, man.

Respect to whoever made this shit happen.

Yeah.

The gravy bundle
really brings it together.

Yo, teach, I killed my test today.
Finished early and everything.

With the rise of automation,
a GED is little more than symbolic.

A damp newspaper to shield you
from the coming monsoon.

Damn right. Fuck the GED.

Ladies, I think it's time
we take this party up a notch, right?

Come on.

Yo.

-I'll catch up with you in the laundry.
-All right.

Finally got your last meal, huh?

Guess I shouldn't say
"I'll see you later" then.

Well, at least you found your way
out this place.

What happened to you?

I fuckin' failed.

They didn't give her her extra time.

Well, then you can just take it again
in a few months.

Why? What's the point?

I don't need some fuckin' test
to tell me how stupid I am.

I'm so sorry that I'm late. The bus...
This is a disaster.

The bus I usually catch
wasn't running on time and it...

How much time do we have?

They're gonna cut these off
any minute now.

How many times did you fuck her?

Just once. After I found out
about you and the guard.

How many times did you and her...

You know what? Don't answer that.
I don't wanna know.

Was any of the stuff
about the phone chargers true?

Yes. She made me sell them.
But we stopped after...

Don't even... don't. No more lies.

I can't handle any more lies.
We have to be honest with each other.

Okay, ask me anything you want,
and I'll tell you the truth.

Do you have feelings for her?

Then why did you do it?

I think I was trying to protect myself,

because your life is out there now,
and I was scared that you would leave me.

Why would you think that?

A part of me always knew
it was a possibility,

because when things get hard,
it's easier for you to leave.

-That's not fair.
-It wouldn't be the first time, Pipes.

I don't believe that about myself.

So, how do we solve it?

I can't spend
the next three years like this.

How do I show you
you don't need to be afraid?

You tell me
you don't have feelings for Zelda.

I can't lie to you.

So, what are we supposed to do now?

Is this something that...

is this something that we can survive?

I don't know.

No matter what happens,
Alex, I want you--

Okay, it's time to go, ladies.

I could never stop loving you.

Door's open!

Unless you want something.

Door's open even if you want something.

You gonna sit down?
I'm up to date on all my cootie shots.

That's funny.
I thought you might be at your party.

Well, not with all this riveting
corporate paperwork calling me.

I take it you heard about Hopper?

Hmm. If it wasn't another incident
for PolyCon to hold against me,

I would be jumping for joy
for sending his potato-white butt packing.

That's kind of what I came here
to talk about.

You wanna talk about Hopper's white butt?

Sorry, no. I have a favor to ask.

What's goin' on?

Remember how you said you wanted me
to be your girl on the inside?

I was hoping to help you avoid
another potential incident, because...

I'm in love with an inmate.

What the hell is wrong with you?

-I could fire you just for saying that!
-I haven't acted on it.

And you're not going to.

I don't want to,
but it's getting harder to manage.

Then take an exercise class.
Make a dating profile.

What do you expect me to do about it?

I want you to transfer her
out of the prison.

I can't take seeing her face every day.

And that way,
you can guarantee there's no incident.

Hmm.

You know, another way to guarantee
there's no incident is to fire your ass.

Yeah, you could fire me.

But you can't really afford to lose
another guard right now, can you?

Oh, he is so handsome
with his two cute little eyes,

and his cute little eyeballs,

and his cute little black things
in the middle of his eyes.

Morello, could you shut
your fucking mouth?

His cute little eye color,
and his cute little lashes.

Didn't you hear me?
I said shut the fuck up.

Hey. Don't get mad at Morello
just 'cause you picked a shitty time

to drop out of your program, huh?
Why don't you eat your pot-pie compote?

First, it's not pie,
because it doesn't have a crust.

Second, if I have to hear another thing
about her baby's little--

- Teeny-tiny, itty-bitty wiener.
- Hey. Morello.

Listen closely to what I'm gonna say next
because it's very important.

Fuck your baby.

Lorna, calm down, yeah?

What did you just say to me?

I said, "Fuck your baby."

Right on that soft spot on his head.

Stick a dick right in there
and brain-fuck your baby.

- Lorna. Hey, I love you, kid.
- I'm gonna miss you like hell.

All right, you.

When I look at you, I see a piece of shit,
disgusting, horrible person.

Officer, I need some help.

And I am gonna fuck up your face.

What are you doing? She is the sick one!

Did you hear what she said to me?
She should die. You should die!

Somebody should fuck you
right in the fontanel, you fucking bitch!

-Where are you taking me?
-You're lucky Psych's closed down.

Fuck you, you prison bitch!

I told you to leave me alone.
I thought I was pretty clear about that.

Yeah, you were. So, I did you a favor.

You're being transferred
to another prison.

You can't do that.

Are you crazy? You can't do that!

I have to stay in New York.
I have to be near my wife.

Back in your bunk!

I think you might've forgotten
where you are, inmate.

Hey, you all right?

You lost? You know which route to take?

I'm okay. I'm okay. I'll be okay.

- Hey.
- Hey.

How'd it go?

Ah...

It was okay.

I made dinner.

One of the women said a few things
that really touched me.

I hope you didn't touch her back.

Sorry, I couldn't help it.

Who was it?

Um, Beth.

-Beth who?
-I don't know, Hoefler, or...

Beth Hoefler. She new?
It's not ringing a bell for some reason.

Not new. Brown hair, yea high.

Still nothing.

-She killed her kids.
-Oh. Beth the Baby Killer.

Hmm. What'd she say?

She said she thought
I deserved a path to redemption.

Hmm. Not a great source,
but solid sentiment.

I decided I'm gonna
go back to work tomorrow.

-Fight the good fight and all that.
-Good for you.

-At least one of us should be employed.
-Yeah? You think?

I guess we should have some income, huh?

I hope there's a path to redemption
for me.

Me, too.

Me, too.

-Me...
-I get it. You're such a bitch.

Fuck you!

- Fuck you, man!
- I'm tired of you giving me shit.

Fuck, y'all. Oh, shit.

Yo, you know what I'mma get?

I'mma get "Thug Life" tattooed on my back.

You sure you don't want a taste, A?

There's a history of addiction
on my father's side,

-so it's best to steer clear.
-Supersize me.

Yo, chill, Me Want Honeycomb.

Yo, one bump'll do ya.

What do you want? Are you a narc?

Legally, you have to tell us
if you are one.

Nope. No, I ain't a fuckin' narc.

-Just seeing what you gals are doin'.
-Nah, she's just a tryhard.

You think she's a tryhard now,
you should've seen her at camp.

She smoked her teeth off.

I'm not a tryhard, okay?

I just was sick of this fucking party
and sick of these fucking programs.

Everyone just sittin' around
pretending that they ain't in prison.

It's not like I gave a shit
about that dumbass test.

- What you got there?
- What, this?

"This is Your Brain on Drugs."
Any questions?

-I don't get it.
-Of course you don't.

You fucking millennials
don't respect history, yo.

Yo, you know what
I'm in the mood for? A soda from Storky's.

- Oh!
- Yeah.

Yo, let's do it. You in, Tali?

You know I would,

but I'd really like to see this project
through to the end, boss.

-Okay.
-Thank you.

- Do you think they got Dr Pepper?
- Thank you.

Nobody gives a shit about Dr Pepper.

What?

-What?
-Nothing.

I was just wonderin' how a girl your size
is gonna handle that big bag alone.

Or would you need some help with that?

Doreen, you know this ain't right.

We did everything you asked us to do.

You can't do this!
Where are we supposed to go?

That ain't my problem, Laniece.
Now, you need to pack up.

This is some bullshit!

Girl, bye.
Just get your stuff and go.

-What's going on, girl? What happened?
-Yo.

Building super found out
she got people sleepin' here.

Say she evicted if everybody
not out by tonight.

Girl, you got somewhere you can go?

Antoine got a cousin in East New York
say he can take us in.

But we gotta earn our keep.

I ain't selling drugs no more.
If I get popped, they gonna send me back.

It's that or the street.

Shit.

Hello?

Hello, an inmate
from Litchfield Correctional Facility

-is trying to contact you. Do you accept?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. I accept.

You got your mansion yet?

Girl, you know that's
the first thing I did.

That's what I'm talkin' about.
Yo, how many rooms it got?

-Twenty-seven.
-Twenty-seven rooms?

Yeah, I wanna make sure
there's enough space for everybody.

You know, you, Cindy, Suzanne, Janae.

Shit, even Miss Claudette can stay
if she act right.

Look at you, gettin' all soft
and shit now that you out.

But, look,
how-- how you been for real, girl?

I'm all right, you know.
I got a job offer.

-That sounds good, right?
-Yeah...

I'm just, uh, tired, P.

Tired of fuckin' struggling.

This world ain't built for people like me.
Maybe I should go back to where you at.

At least that way, we can be together.

- You don't know the future, T.
- I gotta go.

Hey, no.
Hey, hold up. Hold up, T.

Look, I know I told you
about when my moms passed, right?

Yeah.

I know I told you it hurt,
but I never told you how much.

It was like this...

It was like this sharp pain
in my chest that wouldn't go away.

I didn't wanna live without her.
You understand what I'm sayin'?

I think so.

Look, I was tired, too.

But that sharp pain,
it didn't last forever.

It got dull, and... and then it went away.

Or-- Or it was still there,
but I-- I couldn't feel it as much,

'cause I had these other feelings.

'Cause of all the good things
I never expected.

What good things? You in prison, P.
What are you talking about?

I'm talkin' about you.

You know, wh-- what kinda life
would that've been if I never met you?

You just-- You gotta hold on
a little longer than you think you can,

'cause there's good shit working its way
to you that you don't even know about.

Yeah. There's good stuff headed my way.

-Look, I gotta go.
-Yeah, all right, girl. Stay up.

And, um... Look, when I get out,

we gonna throw
a big-ass party in your mansion.

Different DJs in all 27 rooms.

I love you, T.

I love you too, P.

You goin' with them or us?

I'm goin' with y'all.

You should get the fuck out of here!

Help!

Help!

Somebody! Help!

Help me!