Orange Is the New Black (2013–…): Season 5, Episode 8 - Tied to the Tracks - full transcript

While Taystee sits down with a negotiator, Red and Blanca put their own plan into action. Gloria counsels Daya and asks Caputo for a favor.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it - foodval.com
---
[cell door slams]

[theme song playing]

[cell door slams]

[cell door slams]

[indistinct chatter]

[indistinct radio chatter]

[Blanca] And you said it wouldn't work.

The man is the size of a refrigerator.

- He'll never fit through that hole.
- That's what she said.

- [phone ringing]
- [both gasping]

It's him. But it's not him.



[Blanca] Oh, it's like
Chewbacca without hair.

"Can't talk.

"Enter through basement vent at sundown.

Let's kill them all."

- No, wait. Are you crazy?
- Mmm-mmm.

We'll never be ready by then.

- We haven't even figured out...
- Shh!

... a way to trap him.

[grunts] Rojita,
we're gonna booby trap him,

like in Mi Pobre Angelito, you know?

[Red breathes heavily]

You haven't seen that movie,
where the parents go on vacation

and they forget about their kid and he
has to defend himself against burglars?

[sighs] You mean Home Alone.



No.

Well, why are we even
talking about this?

Piscatella's not the kind
of man who slips on marbles.

On ice. They slip on ice in the movie.

We need to kick him [grunts]
in the back of the neck.

Maybe we can do that paint
can thing. Or the tarantula.

[scoffs] Like you can jump high
enough to get him on the neck.

- I would knock him down first.
- With what? I'll tell you with what.

Paint can!

- How long you been a reporter?
- [indistinct chatter]

Hmm, couple years.

- Hmm.
- It's very brave work.

- Absolutely.
- Officer Moloney.

I'd like a word with you, please.

- [indistinct radio chatter]
- In private.

I thought you left, Officer...

Piscatella. I would never leave my men.

Listen...

I've been in contact with one of
my COs on the inside. CO Humphrey.

He tells me they are
mounting an offensive.

Now, I know a way to
breach, undetected...

I'm gonna stop you right
there, Officer, uh... uh...

- Piscatella.
- Right. [chuckles] Why's that so hard?

[chuckles]

Look, my men and I could stamp
this thing out in five minutes,

but the governor's
orders are to negotiate.

We cannot reward inmates
for this kind of behavior.

Maybe. Maybe not.

But it sure as shit ain't
your call to make, Piscarella.

Tella. Pisca... tella.

You got a nickname or something?

Actually, never mind. Don't care.

Slap the fucking punk.

[inmates chattering]

[Zirconia] I'm liking the clean shave.

You could slice those cheeks
up real thin, like pastrami.

Right amount of fat in 'em.

What are we talking about?

You never wonder what
people would taste like?

Uh, no.

Takes me about three days of hungry

before I start thinkin'
'bout how to cook people.

You had, like, eight
bags of Takis today.

Empty calories. This body needs protein.

I mean, we could be negotiating with,
like, Susan Sarandon or something.

The governor is not going to send an
actress to negotiate a prison deal.

She's an actrivist.

Don't mean she'll set
foot in this shithole.

He's probably gonna send some
kind of a human rights attorney.

Like that guy from Attica?

William Kunstler is dead.

Like all the good people in this world.

I meant his type.

[Taystee] Look, it don't
matter who they send.

All that matters is
we show 'em who we are.

That we better than all this shit.
Though I wouldn't mind Mr. Lee.

- I dig his movies.
- Also dead.

You know, they say that
whole family is cursed.

Not Bruce. Spike.

Crooklyn makes me cry like a baby.

Who the hell is that?

[Zirconia] I don't know,
but she look tough and tasty,

like turkey jerky.

Hey, we got a live one.

- Oh!
- [Piper] Serious.

You letting me in?

Or are we supposed to negotiate
like we're at a 7-Eleven after hours?

Man. Open the doors.

Sorry, Po-Po. We don't
wanna catch swine flu.

- Wait outside the doors.
- [officer] But, ma'am, I can't...

It's fine. I come in peace, right?

I'll be right out here if you need me.

- [Fig] Thank you.
- Right this way, Ms. Figueroa.

[Fig] Nice legs.

I see they've looted all
the razors from commissary.

Nah, I shaved this morning.
This just my afternoon shadow.

[sighs] So, what do you think?

I think it's a really bad idea.

I meant the hair.

Oh, Bill, come on,
don't be such a wet rag.

Can't we just enjoy
the fact that I'm back?

- [sighs]
- I missed you. Come here.

You know how pissed
the cops are gonna be

when they see you on television
before you've given them a statement?

Honey, the only point
of giving an exclusive

is so you can tell your
story to a worldwide audience

before you tell it to anybody else.

Don't think that's how the law works.

- [Judy scoffs]
- [knocking on door]

- We're ready for you, Ms. King.
- Ah! Finally!

All right, time to bathe
in a little limelight.

Wash off the stink of
that terrible place.

[indistinct chatter]

Meredith... darling! [chuckles]

Judy, it is so good to see you.

You have no idea what a relief it was
to hear that you'd been released safely.

Oh, Lord, it was terrible.

I can't even begin to
tell you. Those women?

[Aleida] Look. It's
the princess of prison.

Yo! This little mic thing is
diggin' into my tit. I'm moving it.

Can you still hear me okay?
'Cause I got lots to say.

I... I didn't realize that
there was gonna be another guest.

- Didn't my assistant fill you in?
- [Judy] Mmm-mmm.

The segment is called "Riot Girls."

Although, I'm still pitching
for "Litchfield of Dreams."

[woman] We're on in ten,
nine, eight, seven...

[in Spanish] I'm telling
you, this where it's at.

- Hot food, stars at night...
- This ain't hot.

Shit, it's barely food.

Told you we shouldna' traded all
our candy for those nunchucks.

Woulda been fine if you hadn't let
someone steal our animal crackers.

Why you suddenly so high on starting

a revolt against the
revolt you started anyway?

[Pidge] Hmm.

My extra time never went through.

Slow paperwork or some shit.

I could get home while my
kid's still pissing in diapers.

So I'm not risking more years to be
part of some hope and change bullshit.

It ain't bullshit. They're
negotiating in there.

[Maria in English] Ay! Come on.

That yellow brick road ain't
leading no place but Max.

The stars, ladies...

I'm telling you.

Bigger the star, shorter the life.

I learned that before a
planetarium laser show one time.

Hey.

Are you using anything
edible to make your colors?

Anything you can spare?

[Dayanara] I think I got some Tang left.

Anything chewable?

I don't know. Make some Tang sandwiches.

- That sounds not good.
- No?

What did you get after school?
Blended kale and Chia Pets?

More like advice on
how to starve myself.

Must be nice, having an
outlet for all your shit.

- So much shit.
- So much shit. Hmm.

God, who knew having a
conscience would be such a bummer?

What do you mean?

Do you ever have it where, like...

'cause of the guilt, you
just feel sick all the time?

[stutters] Like, nauseous almost?

I got a lot of emotions
about what happened,

but guilt ain't one of them.

- Really?
- Mmm-hmm.

Even the whole bullet
in the guard situation?

You know what? I'm sick of you and
everyone putting that shit on me.

If Humps hadn't brought that
gun in here and been such a dick,

maybe he'd still have two good
legs to be kicking us around with.

- All right?
- Okay.

My bad for trying to locate
remorse on your morality map.

[scoffs]

All right, you continue painting
and I'll go back to not assuming

- that everyone has a conscience.
- Mmm-hmm.

It is prison, after all.

You nerds going to
Eddy's thing Saturday?

- Ugh. I hate reggaeton.
- Shit, Daya,

you got any Puerto Rican in you?

Sounds fun. I'd go.

Damn it.

Man, that still had one
puff left in it at least.

Happy now?

Like a baby bird being
fed by its mama. [blows]

Oh, shit.

You guys see that?

Oh, my God. Is he dead?

We gotta call the cops.

Are you kidding? We're high as fuck.

- What are you doing?
- Scared?

Daya, don't.

- [yells and laughs]
- [screams] What the hell?

[laughing]

You ain't met Ronny from 302?

He does props for,
like, movies and shit.

Probably just drying out some corpse
he drowned on Law & Order.

- You're an asshole.
- Come on, Claire. This is bullshit.

Later, nerds.

So, uh... you flirting with Paolo?

Hell, no. Puerto Rican guys are too
loud and they always late and shit.

- You're always late.
- [both chuckle]

Exactly. Why?

Are you into him or something?

Yeah. I think I am.

Like, I wanna go for him.

Nice. All yours.

But you better make sure he
don't make your period late.

Puerto Ricans guys don't like rubbers.

Well, according to my sister,
neither do the Irish, the Italians,

plain white dudes, black
dudes, French dudes, Koreans...

Your sister real slutty?

Nah. She works at the free clinic.

[both chuckle]

Tell Doctor Velasco that this
is the third time I'm calling.

I need to speak to him,
please, about my son.

Benny Mendoza, room 621.

[nurse on phone] Like I said, ma'am,

Doctor Velasco will keep
your son's legal guardian

informed of any updates...

Legal guardian? I'm his mother, carajo.

Put him on the fucking phone.
I'm the one that gets the updates.

You care so much, come in here
and ask Doctor Velasco yourself.

[grunts] Oh, I will.

But right now, it's not that easy,
right? Because I'm in prison, okay?

But you better believe
that when I get out,

you are the first bitch
that I am gonna go find.

[grunts] Hold... hold for a moment.
I'll see if he's available. [chuckles]

[Nicky] Yo, you might be better
off with, uh, an anti-psychotic.

If you give me the
keys, I'll get you some.

You know what? Just 'cause you
dressed up like a trashy Audrey Hepburn

doesn't mean you can
be such a bitch, okay?

I am feeling very sensitive right now.

Aw. Mmm.

How about you go find somebody else
to be your warm fuzzy place, okay?

I'm out of that business.

I am not letting you kick me
out of this place. I like it.

[chuckles]

Besides, there are laws
against it. I am pregnant.

There is nothing in your womb

except for a deep psychosis
wrapped in a uterine lining.

So keys, now.

Oh, Nicky. Thank God.

I need needles. Ten of them.

- I don't have time to explain.
- Hairless Chewbacca is coming.

All right. What the fuck are you
guys on? I am not enabling here.

Don't be ridiculous. The needles
are for sticking under fingernails,

not into veins.

[gasps] Although, maybe we should
shoot him up with something.

What is that stuff they use in the
movies to make the spies weak and talky?

Breasts.

Look, why don't you guys come in
here and then we can strategize.

There's no time.

Uh... quickly. We'll
sagetize very, very quickly.

[Nicky] So fast. [Lorna] Come on.

[cries and sniffs]

- Oh, for God's sake...
- [Nicky] Calm down.

Hey. You can't lock me in
here. Loca mierda.

I don't like what you just called me.

Even though I don't know what it means.

- Come on, Nicky.
- What is this? What is this?

What? Is this an...

So it's actual human flesh
attached to a pencil? Oh, good.

What the fuck, Red?
What did you give her?

Hey, I'm no pusher.

We make our own adult decisions,
me and the mad Russian.

- They're vitamins.
- Yeah.

- See?
- Oh, yeah?

Fucking shit. [laughs] Oh, yeah.

Do your vitamins usually have
an identification number on them?

It's pharmaceutical-grade speed.

The bottle says vitamins.
Who am I to question?

So if I just take a shit in a can

and I label it "chili,"
you gonna eat that?

God, that is a horrible image.

What? I should have known better. Or
maybe I did know and I did it anyway.

But Nicky, this is important.

We're so close to getting Piscatella
inside and proving he's a murderer.

Why don't we table this
conversation until you come down

and start making some sense?

Piscatella killed an
inmate at his last prison.

We are luring him inside
to get a signed confession.

And then we are going to show
the whole world what he did.

Uh-huh. So you are,
uh, luring him in here?

[stutters] We're even doing
Humps' voice and everything. Yeah?

Fuck. What the fuck, Red?

All right, do you
wanna get us all killed?

- [sighs]
- Huh?

[indistinct chatter]

Hey.

What do you call someone who ain't
doing their community service?

I'd say that's violating probation.

See? Probation.

Pronation is when you're really
positive about the country,

or, like, when your feet go out.

Yeah, well, nothing would have went out.

People would have been perfectly
happy with their desirable beverages

if two shitbags I know didn't
piss in my yellow drink.

Ow! My finger.

- What'd you do?
- I didn't fucking touch her.

My shot-off finger started to hurt
the second she got close to it.

Oh, like ghost pains?

Tell her to stay away from me.

I'm gonna have to ask you to
leave while Leanne uses the shower.

Well, I wasn't plannin' on pissin'
in the shower today, so. [chuckles]

You're not listening to me.

This is a Penn-free zone now.

Means you gotta stay 300 feet
away from Leanne at all times.

Well, I don't see no motherfucking
judge to sign off on that one.

The justice system didn't do
its job, so we're doing it.

- See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya.
- [chuckles]

Okay.

Now, we're gonna play a
game called Circle Jerk.

Raise your hand if you've ever played.

Circle... Jerk?

Like where guys sit
around in a circle and...

Stroke each other's backs.

The first one to get tired is the jerk.

Yep. That's definitely
how I've played it.

Thank God.

This is, uh... surprisingly
not as terrifying as I thought.

Uh, agree to disagree.

Whoa! The secret is using a
gentle, feather-like motion.

My cousins and I, we used to practice
during summer vacations in Wichita

until Meemaw found us
and said we were headed

towards a fiery lake of burning
sulfur, by which she meant hell.

But...

maybe that was because my
cousin Hunter's penis was out.

[sucks teeth] Ugh. Man,
I'm sick of season recaps.

Like sniffin' a bag of Doritos
and not bein' able to snack strong.

- Don't talk about food. I'm starving.
- [typing]

You sure you don't have any more candy?

Am I sure?

Why you think I'm lying here so quiet?

Trying to preserve my energy. Shit.

[sighs]

[phone chimes]

Oh. Negotiations are starting.

Ooh. Who they send? Queen Bey?

I mean, 'cause she'd wrap this
shit up in, like, two sequins flat.

Some lady named Figueroa.

What? Damn.

Man, that White Walker
gonna eat us alive.

And she won't gain a pound neither.

Come on, let's go.

Uh, yeah. Who's gonna watch
the Insane Clown Posse?

All right, Duck, Duck, Goose
over. We taking our hostages back.

No. No, wait. We didn't even
get to play Left Foot Art yet.

[Black Cindy] Ladies, ladies...

If you keep 'em here

till Suzanne gets tired,
that's half a Twix,

and another half if you put her crazy
ass to bed by 8:00. [clicks tongue]

I thought you said you
didn't have any more candy.

You don't break the glass
unless it's an emergency.

You wanna know why I said yes when
the governor asked me to do this?

Because I read this list and I thought

this is clear and forward thinking
and has the potential to effect change.

Real change.

And I want to be part of that.

So I am here to help.

Yeah, what's the catch?

Thank you, Ms. Figueroa.

I know we're gonna do
some real good work here.

[Fig] Agreed.

But you have to help me help you.

- You're gonna have to give a little.
- [Black Cindy] See? See? There it is.

- Always a catch.
- As eloquent as these demands are,

they completely fail to take into
account our current economic climate.

The BOP's private prison
budget is restrictive

and far too complex for me to
explain to you here, but trust me,

it definitively prohibits us
from meeting all of these demands.

- Please.
- However...

let's focus on the positives.

See what we can do.

Yeah.

Let's focus on the positive.

[inmates cheer]

Ah! Go to church, T. Hit
'em with that hallelujah.

See, I got my own stack
of paper, Ms. Figueroa.

- [Black Cindy] Come on, T.
- And I'm positive... [chuckles]

that a simple rebalancing of MCC's...

complex budget, be enough to finance

- all of our demands.
- Ms. Jefferson...

- [Alison] Tell her, T.
- [Black Cindy] Mmm-hmm.

We got the Internet now.

[sing-song] World Wide Web.

And Mr. Caputo's files.
We know what you know.

And we know that MCC's been
spending 20% less per inmate

than the federal government did.

We also know that MCC's CEO
been making bank off our backs.

Like, $3.4 million-in-bonuses bank.

And that's only talking last year.

So the money is there,
Ms. Figueroa. We know it.

- We know it.
- [Taystee] You know it.

[Black Cindy] You know it.

The question is, what
are we gonna do about it?

- [sing song] What you gon' do about it?
- [inmates cheering]

- [Black Cindy] Mmm-hmm.
- Yes! That's my girl. Whoo!

You go, girl.

We're gonna work on that.

[indistinct chatter]

How you holding up in there?

Fan-fucking-tastic.

You got a cigarette?

I didn't know you smoked.

Anything to mask the smell.

Thank you. Thank you.

I got a favor to ask.

You think I'm in a
position to grant favors?

I need furlough.

[chuckles] Please, don't make me laugh.

I don't want to breathe
any harder than I have to.

I know how it sounds, but I'm serious.

I gotta get out, Mr. Caputo.

- I need a miracle.
- That makes two of us.

Uh, my boy, Benny... he's in ICU.

Got himself... jumped by some thugs.

Dislocated his jaw.

[scoffs] Knocked out most of his teeth.

He hasn't woken up yet.

Doctor says that he, um,

he got a hematoma on his brain.

Shit.

Mendoza, I'm sorry.

You know, Benny's teeth didn't
even come in till after he was one?

[chuckles]

Um... the pictures from his
first birthday, all gums.

We had to mush up his, uh, Barney cake.

And then when his teeth finally
came in, they came in all at once.

One behind the other.

I swear, that... that kid
didn't sleep for six months.

Hell, I didn't sleep for six months.

What if, um...

What if he gets up and I'm not there?

What if he doesn't and
I'm here, man? I'm here.

Smelling other people's shit.

I can't do anything from
in here. You know that.

- Maybe if you let me out...
- What?

And get myself jumped by all
those crazy bitches out there?

Unless you can guarantee me

that I'm gonna end up
in the same ICU as Benny,

I don't see what good
that's gonna do me.

Please, Mr. Caputo.

Some of us have actually been trying
to do good during all this shit.

[sighs]

If you can make it to my office,
press three on the office phone.

Maybe somebody there
can do something for you.

But Mendoza, help is not free.

You want out? You're gonna
have to help end this thing.

So, ladies, let me ask you:

What do you think inspired this sudden
movement for change inside Litchfield?

Movement? It's a damn riot.

Well, Meredith, I think this
is all happening on the heels

of losing one of our young inmates,

Ms. Poussey Washington.

Such an enormous loss.

She was my mentee, you know. I...

Well, more than that, she was my friend.

Judy, I'm sorry.

- That must be devastating for you...
- [Aleida] For her?

This ain't about one
person, living or dead.

This is about all of us.

And what they're doing
to us while we in there.

And what they ain't doing.

- Mmm.
- We need some education,

some rehabilitation, but
we ain't getting nothing

'cause they want us to fail out here.

Those prison companies?

They want us to keep going back in

because we the easiest
product for them to restock.

No, no. Ms. Diaz is right.
Those private prisons are awful.

Uh, the food, guards
always frisking us up...

Oh, please, ain't no
guard ever touched you.

'Cept for that doughy one
that smelled like weed.

But you liked that, didn't you?

- [Judy] Well, I would never...
- [Aleida] Oh, please!

Don't act like you ain't busy
giving up that wrinkled piece of ass

every chance you got. Bitches
saw him leaving your room.

- Ms. Diaz, please...
- Yeah, that's right. Her room.

As in, with a door and
Chesterfield cookies

and people hand-plucking
her leg hairs and shit.

What? Uh, Meredith,

this woman has no idea
what she's talking about.

She left the prison before
the riot even started.

I was the one who
witnessed the shooting.

I can still hear it ringing in my ears.

Did you say there was a shooting?

Oh. Well, it... it was awful.

I... I was standing no
more than two feet away

when an inmate came up and shot
one of the guards in cold blood.

I believe his name was Humphrey.

I... Well,

now I don't know whether that was
his first name or his last name.

I... it could go either way.

Can you give us any more
details about the incident?

Well, I don't remember the
name of the inmate who shot him.

Well, you might know her, Ms. Diaz.

That Spanish girl that
doesn't speak Spanish?

You know, one with the puffy lips.

Mmm?

- This CO who was shot, CO Humphrey.
- Mmm-hmm?

- Did he survive?
- [indistinct chatter]

Well, yes, but the last time I
saw him he could barely speak.

I'm afraid he is facing
quite a long recovery.

[Meredith] Well, this is
all extremely shocking.

- We're gonna take a break...
- Humphrey.

Wasn't that the CO you
were in contact with?

Uh, must have been one of
my other COs using his phone.

[chuckles] Right.

- Wait, Officer, uh...
- Piscatella.

This was part of your plan, right?

Storm in there and decoupage
them into submission?

[laughs] It's freaking awesome.
Where did you find that?

My wife. Big on Pinterest.

[both continue laughing]

[indistinct chatter]

[Maria] Mendoza, you all right?

Come have some food. You're
looking paler than Elvira over here.

If you think that's an
insult, you're wrong.

No, thank you.

Maritza, if you're gonna have food,

you gotta put it on the
table for everybody to share.

[Maritza] What? That's bullshit.

- Socialism is what it is.
- Yeah, stop turning this into Cuba.

Oh, I'll turn it into
fucking Guantánamo,

unless you put that bottle down.

Whatever. We didn't want to
join your revolution anyway.

Everybody knows that Che
was just overcompensating

'cause he couldn't
grow enough facial hair.

[Judy over speaker] I believe
his name was Humphrey.

Oh, fuck.

You guys, look, Aleida's
on TV. Against Judy King.

[Meredith] Can you give us any
more details about the incident?

Well, I don't remember the name
of the inmate who shot him.

Well, you might know her, Ms. Diaz.

That Spanish girl that
doesn't speak Spanish?

- [gasps] Oh, shit.
- You know, one with the puffy lips.

[Meredith] This CO who
was shot, CO Humphrey...

All right. That's just easy math.

It's only a matter of time before
they come in here to get her.

Then what? You gonna hand her in?

No. I'm in no position to
judge what she did, trust me.

[cell phone ringing]

[Meredith] This is all
extremely shocking.

We're gonna take a break, then
we'll be back with more of "Riot...

[Maria] Someone's got to tell her.

I got it.

This is so sad.

I know. It's like when
Van Gogh cut off his ear.

How is it anything like that?

I don't know. It's the only
sad artist story I know.

[sighs]

- What am I gonna do?
- You're gonna talk to your mother.

Come on. Deal with your life.

You always say that I'm not
your mother, and you're right.

I'm somebody else's mother
and I got to go deal with that.

Fuck her. I don't wanna talk to her.

You think I wanna talk to her
after she fucked up my life?

Aleida's a piece of work,
but this? This ain't on her.

If she hadn't been trying
to get famous out there,

then that food bitch
wouldn't have said anything.

You think this shit
was gonna stay a secret?

And you a mother now, too.

You think that means that you
always make the right choice?

Because from where I'm standing,
you sure don't look like it.

[sighs]

Gloria, what was I supposed to do?

The gun fell in front of
me. Everybody was screaming.

He was acting like a fucking prick.

Oh! So he made you shoot him?

No, it was those bitches. No, it
was your mother and those bitches.

She made you do it,

and everything else that's
fucked up in your life.

Huh? Right?

Where were you when all
this was going on, huh?

That gun may have
landed in front of you,

but it was your finger that
pulled that damn trigger.

You did that.

You did that!

[sobs]

[Dayanara whimpers softly]

Look... [sighs]

[scoffs]

And I know that sometimes our only
choices are between shitty and shittier,

but whatever we end up
doing, we gotta own it.

Somehow find grace in it.

Come on.

The bodega was out of the wing
ones, so I got you the extra-long.

Thanks.

That guy that works
there, what's his name?

- Paolo?
- He asked about you.

That's not embarrassing at all.

- Why? You like him or something?
- No.

'Cause I think he got
a little crush on you.

We're friends. I known him forever.

- [Aleida] Mmm.
- [smacks lips]

Well, your friend got manners.

Introducing himself to your mother?

That's the kind of guy that's gonna
open car doors for you and shit.

Good thing I can open my own doors.

What? You trying to tell me you
ain't into that dimple of his? Please.

Claire likes him, okay?

So? That means you can't like him?

I didn't see no flag planted in his ass.

That blanquita is bland.
Like french fries with no salt.

[stammers] She's my friend.

She ain't gonna get no boricua.

Be your own friend.

[sighs]

Daya, you got to look out for yourself.

Otherwise, you ain't
gonna get shit in life.

You hear me?

Of course the guards will be replaced.

It's not like any of them will
want to come back here anyway.

[Taystee] It ain't enough
to just replace 'em.

How do we know...

they won't be bringing the same
type of mess back in here again?

The new guards need to be
like the ones we used to have.

- You mean fat and lazy?
- I mean trained.

- And human.
- Human.

Except for that one
guard with the mustache.

Hey, what was his name?

- I think it was Spanish or something.
- [cell phone rings]

- Pornstache.
- Yeah.

- [inmates] Pornstache.
- One second. Yeah.

- [exclaims excitedly]
- [Taystee] Yes.

- Four down, six to go.
- [shushes softly]

T, you was killing
the motherfucking game!

Yes!

[Black Cindy] Son!

Miss Jefferson, I've just
been informed a CO was shot

and injured by an inmate.
You neglected to mention that.

- Ms. Figueroa...
- Even if the governor

decides to continue
with these negotiations,

and that's a big "if," amnesty
is definitely off the table.

Wait. What?

You claimed there was no violence.

We said there was no casualties.

People can't go around
shooting guards with impunity.

Sends a bad message.

- [grunts]
- [Brook] They're bluffing.

They want us to turn against each other.

But the second we start splintering,
they gain the upper hand.

No. Why should we pay
for what one person did?

I say we hand her in.

A classic deontological dilemma.

The train experiment?

Anybody?

- Mmm-mmm.
- [Taystee] Nope. The fuck is that?

Okay.

A train is coming and you see
five people are tied to the track.

But you don't have time to untie them,

but if you pull a lever, the
train will go to a side track.

Problem is, there's also a
person tied to that track.

A person you will knowingly
kill because of your actions.

So, do you let the train
continue and do you kill five,

or do you pull the
lever and you kill one?

Do you value the right and
wrong of actions themselves,

or do you value the right and wrong
of the consequences of those actions?

I pull the lever.

Damn, girl. You didn't even
think about that one for a second.

I got a daughter to go home to.

She's utilitarian. I'd pull it, too.

No. We can't let them divide us.

We want justice for Poussey or not?

- [Piper] Mmm.
- [Janae] Yes.

[sighs] Stay.

We're gonna go get somebody.

[Piper] Come on.

[Stratman grunting and banging on wall]

Hey. Since when do these
lines get so long out here?

Since a third of the prison
population moved outside

and two of the porta-potties
are being used as jails.

Plus, the Ghetto bathroom overflowed

and people are making
hooch in the Suburb toilets.

[sighs] I don't know if I can
wait that much longer, you know.

Just visualize closing your urethra.

Close your urethra.

- I am.
- [Stratman] Fuck! Fuck, that! Fuck!

- Come on! Let me out!
- [Dwight shushes]

Get me the fuck out.

Don't cry. You're not alone.

And you have abs like a chocolate
bar that I'd lick in my dreams.

Do you want me to sing you a song?

No. Just get me the fuck out of here!

- [yells and groans]
- [inmates exclaiming]

[all laughing]

[Stratman grunting and banging on wall]

[Dwight] My nose!

- Go.
- Go.

Piss elsewhere.

[scoffs] Move.

[Stratman] Get me...

- the fuck out of here!
- [Leanne] Hmm.

[urinating]

[sighs]

Back the fuck away.

You back away, you hall-pissing,
guard-loving, finger-shooting hillbilly.

[chuckles] Aw. Didn't
your mommy potty train you?

[Leanne] Careful, Ang.

You don't know what kind of
diseases she got from that guard.

She probably has chlamydia
chowder all over her underwear.

[chuckles] Good one.

Keep lookin' and you're gonna find me...

I swear.

Face looks weird.

Doesn't her face look weird?

Come on. This hallway reeks.

Coño, he's coming and
we ain't got no booby traps.

Okay. Can you relax please?
I'll get him to back off.

I'm kind of good at this shit.

[Blanca] Open the fucking
door or I'm gonna dig into

those flat little tits of
yours and get the key myself!

Okay. For your information,

these titties are fuller
than they've ever been.

Although they are very painful.

And you are a pain in my ass.

Why don't you just get
the fuck out of here?

- [panting]
- Okay. No, not you!

Flores is right.

There's no stopping him. He'll
burn this place to the ground.

[clears throat] Relax. Right?

Concrete don't burn. Lorna's
taking care of it, all right?

You're okay.

You know, you just feel like
this 'cause it's Suicide Sunday.

[whispers] It's Sunday?

[Lorna chuckles]

My God.

How long has this riot lasted?

[Nicky] Suicide Sunday. Not real Sunday.

That's when you've
been high for too long.

Friday, Saturday, life's just a,
uh, rush of possibility, you know?

Maybe you even feel like you're not such
a worthless piece of shit for a minute.

And then Sunday comes along.

And your heart is like a
jackhammer on your brain

and you realize that
none of it was real.

[softly] And you want
to claw your eyes out.

This is just, uh, part of the ride.

Is this what it's like for you, Nicky?

Uh, less so now. Uh...

I have spent a lot of time in
this neck of the woods, Red.

Oh, I'm sorry.

We do fucked-up things
when we're fucked up, right?

It's par for the course.

Be angry with me.

I am not feeling it, Red.

And this pharmaceutical stumble

is evoking more compassion than rage.

- Like, maybe even a tiny bit of mirth.
- Oh.

[chuckles] All right? But I'm
trying to keep a lid on it.

- [Red sniffles]
- Oh!

Oh, I did it!

"Standing down. Staying
posted for the next go-ahead."

See that, Red? There's,
uh, nothing to worry about.

[indistinct chatter]

Hey! Ladies, can I help you?

- Where's Diaz?
- Not here.

- Yo, we ain't fucking around.
- Neither are we.

- [Piper] Alex.
- What's going on, Pipes?

Pulling the lever. Diaz
needs to turn herself in.

Or riot amnesty is off
the table for everyone.

We're sacrificing the one for the many.

And what's the difference
between her and me?

[scoffs]

[sighs] Hey.

[Aleida] You shot a motherfucking
guard and you gonna "hey" me?

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Everything, apparently.

Where'd you get a goddamn gun?

I don't know. He brought
it. That Humps guy.

You're humping the guard?

What is with you and
guard fucking? Jesus!

No. No, Hump is his name.

I wouldn't fuck that crazy asshole.

He's the one that was doing all
that fucked-up shit to everyone.

- So, it was self-defense.
- No.

He was on the ground with
his hands in the air and...

there were, like, 50 people
that could've grabbed him.

But then...

[sighs] I shot him.

I didn't think it was a big
deal. It was just his leg.

He was fine at first. But
I don't know what happened.

Now he can't move or talk.

Good. That's good.

How is that good?

Here's what you're gonna
do. You're gonna tell them

he brought the gun in before
and put that shit in your mouth

and threatened to blow your head
off because he's a fucking psycho.

Nobody's gonna believe that.

It's your word against
a Brussels sprout.

- Brussels sprout?
- Pick another vegetable! Whatever!

The point is, he's dead in the
head and can't defend himself.

But you still can.

Just please, stop already.

You got to stop being a manatee, Daya.

Just floating around,
watching the world go by you

with your big eyes,

waiting for the boat to ram
its propeller into your head!

You got to be the shark.

No, you're the shark, Ma.

But that don't mean
I'm the fucking manatee.

[upbeat music playing]

What up?

Knew you had that
boricua in you somewhere.

Yo, Claire, wait up.

What are you doing?

Daya, I've known you
since the first grade.

If something was gonna happen between
us, it would've happened by now.

Don't you think?

I'm into Claire. I
thought you knew that.

I like Diaz and all, but we can't
all go down for what she did.

[Pidge] You can't pull the lever.

You got to let fate take its course,
or it comes back to haunt you.

Fuck that. You got to grab fate by
the balls and make it do what you want.

For real.

[Pidge sighs] All right.

I know what I want.

I can't make it do anything.

[in Spanish] We could zip-tie him
to the bed and do a mustache rodeo.

Or prop his dick up with some
popsicle sticks and duct tape.

Okay, um...

so according to my Italian, they're
either going to ride my horse

or eat ice cream on me.

I'm wagering that you're the
ice cream in this scenario.

[in Spanish] What if we
put something up his ass?

You know if you tickle his prostate
right, you get a rise out of him.

- Mmm.
- Or we make him watch porn.

[in English] Yeah.

What kind of porn you like?

What?

Doesn't look good for you, man.

Aw, look at you. Oh...

I bet your meat's all tender and
juicy like them baby cows in Japan

that drink beer and
get massaged and shit.

- [both chuckle]
- [Luschek chuckles nervously]

Hey, you don't want my meat.
[stutters] I never get massages.

Ain't your meat I'm after.

I want that bone you
pop when you're scared.

[softly] Ow. Ah!

What? I ain't scary enough for you?

Uh, no, you're terrifying.

Uh, really. Your teeth, especially.

Uh, but I have a long refractory
period following ejaculation.

So, um... it'll at least be a few hours.

You came in the bubble?

- When?
- I'm subtle.

And, uh, I was already wet with pee.

So it was easier to hide.

I know a few things we can
do while we wait, though.

The fuck?

He doesn't seem to
be enjoying this game.

And Meemaw says you don't
touch private parts in public,

even if we are family.

All right, yo! Fuck! Enough!

Man, fuck that half a Twix.
We takin' our guards back.

Wait! Wait!

No. Five minutes. Look. No, three.

No, ten. Oh, no.

[Pidge] Hey. Go find
somebody else to play with.

What happened to your friend, huh?

The one that looks like
Sloth from Goonies?

No, I hate sloths!

They only urinate and
defecate once a week,

and they have to do it in
the same place every time.

Huge Darwinian disadvantage.

Oh, please. I could go
with you. I'll be good.

- See? Look, I'll be good.
- Fuck, dude. God damn!

Got a cousin like this,
man. She's all fun and loopy,

until she stab you in the thigh
with your eighth grade karate trophy.

- Get the...
- Oh, fuck that!

[Suzanne] Come... Oh, please.

[in Spanish] Tie her to the bunk.

[Suzanne] No. No!

- [Ouija] Vamo.
- Stop that! Please!

Help! Help!

No. Don't.

No. No!

[grunting]

Come on, you... you
don't have to do that.

Yeah, I don't have to kick your
ass either, but keep talkin'.

[Suzanne bawling]

No, don't do this!

- Go.
- [Suzanne] Please!

[shudders]

Hey, Boo.

- Let me talk to you.
- Uh, I'm a little busy right now.

Yeah, I can see that. But I
don't think you understand, okay?

I'm being fuck... I'm being
persecuted. Like Jesus.

They won't even let me go to
the fucking bathroom, dude.

I just had to piss in the hallway.

Let me tell you something,
tile is not like grass.

It splashed back up on me.

Ew, gross.

I'm so sorry. I just have, like,
weird associations with pee.

- It's a long story.
- Okay.

Look, kid, I know. I'm sorry
you're having some issues.

But you're just gonna
need to find somebody else

- to help you unravel this drama, okay?
- What?

- Boo, you're my best friend.
- I know.

And we will continue
digging into that...

- incredibly deep shit well of yours...
- [scoffs]

... uh, as soon as
I'm done getting laid,

like, seven or eight more times.

- Mmm-hmm.
- Come on.

I'm having feelings, girl.

You know, like, I think I
might actually be in love.

[whispers] I got to get her
addicted to my pheromones.

Uh, we got a meth problem.

Uh, my finger. It's...
it's hurting again.

Looks like someone needs
to vacate the premises.

Yeah, no problem. Was
thinking the same thing.

- [Angie grunts]
- [inmates exclaiming]

[Leanne] Get her off!
[Big Boo] Pennsatucky!

[all clamoring]

- [Leanne] Get off her!
- Pennsatucky!

Oh-ho-ho! [panting]

Maybe now you'll listen!

You can't rehab a monster!

She needs to be locked
up for everyone's safety!

No, I don't! It's not even fair!

You guys fucking terrorize
me every single day!

I can't even take a piss?

I told you! I told
you you would find me.

- You broke my fucking nose!
- Good!

First, she mutilates my finger,
now she's breaking people's noses?

Lock her up!

[inmates chanting] Poo! Poo! Poo!

[all chanting] Poo!
Poo! Poo! Poo! Poo! Poo!

[grunts]

[yells]

- [grunts]
- [thuds]

[groaning]

Coño.

- [door closes]
- [TV playing]

Hey, don't leave your shit lying there.

- [Dayanara] Shut up. Leave me alone.
- [door slams]

[Cesar] There she go.

I hope that, for her sake, your
sister jumped out the window.

Go ahead. Talk to me like that again.

[softly] Aw, fuck.

Is this about the fish?

'Cause I told your sister to clean the
damn tank after she put glitter in it.

I think she wanted to
turn him into a mermaid.

Merman. Whatever.

There isn't a single thing
you don't ruin, is there?

It ain't about the fish.

[sighs]

What is it? You can tell me.

Claire won't talk to me.

Paolo's too embarrassed
to even look at me.

And I had to pretend I
got detention during lunch

'cause I didn't have no one to sit with.

That's it?

Shit.

I thought that pervert PE teacher
with the glasses touched you again.

Bitches come and go.

That's why they're called
bitches, not lap dogs.

I did not want her to go.

I don't know why I listen to you.

Leave me alone. Go away.

Oh, I'm going.

But I'm not gonna get back till late.

So feed the kids!

- [door slams]
- [toy jingling]

[automated voice] I will now connect
you to the number you requested.

- [Delia] Hello?
- Ms. Powell?

- Yes?
- It's Dayanara.

Diaz.

[TV playing]

Oh. My goodness.

[sighs] How are you doing?
Are you... are you okay?

Not really. No.

I... I was so sorry to hear
about the baby, Dayanara.

I... I was gonna call you, but
I wanted to respect your mourning.

And, uh...

you know, I... I guess I was
grieving a little bit, too. I did...

It ain't true.

- What?
- My mom.

She lied about the baby. She's alive.

I'm sorry. I should have told you.

She's... She?

Yeah.

Armaria.

But she's in foster care.

And I don't want her to be there.
It don't turn you out right.

She needs to have a shot.

Amaria. [stutters] That is so pretty.

Is that her?

No. Armaria.

You need to learn
how to say it right.

Let me talk to her.

And make sure that your friends
and her teachers and stuff

say it right, too.

'Cause it's important.

I mean...

unless you don't want her.

Oh.

Okay, look. This is, uh... [sighs]

This is a lot to process.

I... I thought the baby was
gone and now... [grunts softly]

I don't know. I...

I can't even wrap my head around this.

My baby's alive?

[sighs]

[voice breaking] Our baby?

Mama. Mama, let me talk to Daya.

Georgie, stop it!

Your probation says no contact.

[whimpers and sniffles]

I... I'm here.

Please. [sighs]

I know this whole thing
is so messed up. But...

[sighs] I just...

I'm not gonna let anyone
change my mind ever again.

This is my decision.

I want you to have her.

You're gonna be good
to her. I know you are.

Please.

[breathes raggedly]

If I agree to take her...

If you agree, then she's yours.

Not just for the time that
I'm here, but for real.

I want you to reinvent her.

Don't even tell her about me.

I want her to have a
shot at something normal.

Please, Mommy. Please.

She's my family. I have
a daughter. [whimpers]

Oh...

I guess I...

- I think I could do that.
- Yeah. [gasps]

Oh, God.

- Thank you, Mommy.
- [sighs]

Thank you, Mrs. Powell.

[sighs]

Look, I ain't gonna
tell you how to raise her

or the kind of life that
she should have or whatever.

It's not like I'd know, anyhow.

But... if you could...

give her some space, you know?

Like, when she's learning how to walk,

you got to let her try.

[stammers] Even if she falls
sometimes. Or a lot of times.

[sighs]

But when she does...

don't be the kind of
mom who picks her up,

dusts her off and... pretends
like nothing happened.

You got to be okay with
her crying. And fucking up.

'Cause she will.

'Cause she's mine.

[breathing heavily]

It's in her blood, you know?

It's gonna... It's gonna be okay.

Yeah.

It's gonna be okay.

I got to go.

- [breath trembling]
- [cell phone beeps]

Just wait, please.

[Fig] And?

I don't know what to tell you, ladies.

The governor is not comfortable with
me continuing under these circumstances.

We tried, but...

It took a little bit
longer than we thought.

It's pretty crazy out there.

[softly] Come on.

You'll be okay.

- [Big Boo] Come on, guys.
- Come on.

Come on. You do not have to do this.

Pennsatucky, man... Penns?

- [Helen] Get in.
- [inmate] No.

- [Helen] Get in there!
- [Leanne] Get in!

[Pennsatucky talking indistinctly]

You'd think they'd
find a place to put 'em

that wouldn't interfere
with our squirt and dirt.

Well, that one was
starting to overflow anyway.

But, lucky me, I can't smell a thing.

[smooching]

[shuddering]

[line ringing]

[woman] Jack Pearson's
office. How may I help you?

[door closes]

[mellow music playing]