Orange Is the New Black (2013–…): Season 4, Episode 1 - Work That Body for Me - full transcript

With a major security breach and a lot of new inmates, Caputo has to call in the big guns. Things get a little too real for Crazy Eyes and Lolly.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
♪ The animals the animals ♪

♪ Trapped trapped trapped
till the cage is full ♪

♪ The cage is full the day is new ♪

♪ And everyone is waiting
waiting on you ♪

♪ And you've got time ♪

♪ Think of all the roads ♪

♪ Think of all their crossings ♪

♪ Taking steps is easy ♪

♪ Standing still is hard ♪

♪ Remember all their faces ♪

♪ Remember all their voices ♪

♪ Everything is different ♪

♪ The second time around ♪

♪ And you've got time ♪

♪ And you've got time ♪

What the...

Everybody's going to the lake

'cause there's this big hole in the fence.

I was just thinking, you know,
maybe you want to come?


Please, Manfredo.

I need bodies. I got 100 new inmates.
I... I'm dying here.

Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
They're all going, Sir! Sir?!

Come on! For you,
it's another day in max.


You know how to handle your shit
with a few less C.O.'s.

I got inmate-palooza here!
I am drowning in a sea of orange.

Sir, they are all out!

Why the fuck do you think
I'm on the phone for, Bayley?!

I know they walked out.
I am handling it.

- Walk-Out?
- Call who?

It's not a walk-out, Sir.

They... they are running at full speed!

I'm the Director of Human Activity.

Uh-huh. That's right.

Well, why the hell not me?

As of a few hours ago, asshole.

Why the hell am I even asking?

Send me some goddamn C.O.'s now!

That's an order!

That's right!

I want six guys, and I want real guys!

Thank you, Manfredo.

I'll be expecting them within the hour.

'Cause I'm the fucking warden.

Sir, the majority
of our inmate population

has run out of the prison
through a breach in the fence

on the south side of the field

and is now swimming in the lake
adjacent to campus, Sir.

Warden. That's cool to say.

Uh, congrats on that, by the way.




Come on, come on, come on!

Look at them run.

You see that?

Man, word travels fast.

Yeah, um, hey,
can I get through, please?

I can't believe this is happening.

Sometimes you got to do
what you got to do.

Will you get the fuck out of my way?

Do you really think it's wise
to be speaking to me in that manner?

Jesus, Chapman,
a little magic happens around here,

and you make it all about you,
like you made it happen.

But I did. That's my point.

I'm gangsta.

Like with an "A" at the end.

Excuse me.

I sent that bitch to max.

There's a hole in the fence.
Everybody running to the lake.

Nobody knows you, gangsta with an "A."


Then why aren't you going?

They don't let nice things
next to prisons.

That lake probably
another Crestwood project.

Storage for fracked gas or crude oil,
full of salt-brine, runoff.

Who's going to complain?

I think Miss Rosa get cancer
from that lake.

That's horrible.
And they're swimming in that?

- You should tell people.
- No, no, no.

I'm going in.

Take a long hot shower
in the good shower.

No lines, no one to bother.

Deep-conditioner pack,
replenish luster and shine.

See you later, thug life.

You want to go to the movies
or something?

No, I'm too riled up.

- Skee-ball?
- Yes.

Look at that.

They're not stopping
and dropping.

No, they are not.

Something's going on. Maybe this is it.
Maybe they finally decided to riot.

You know women don't riot.

Oh, really?
Do I know that?

Maybe this tipped them over.

And you know what that would mean.

We get to wear the riot gear.

Oh, my god.

I love the riot gear.

I know you do, panda.
I know you do.

They're way understaffed.
You know, it could get bad in there.

It would serve him right.
Come on. We're done here.

Fuck 'em.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

What the fuck
is taking you people so long?!

Just a lot of stuff to put on, Sir.

Hey, can someone tighten
my straps, please?


We had no choice.

I mean you.

You had no choice.

One hundred twelve acres
just for parking.


The NSA headquarters has 112 acres
around the building just for parking.

That's like 85 football fields
full of NSA employees' cars.

The no such agency.


You know, we don't even know
what their budget is,

but they get to know who
we're having phone sex with,

how we picking our nose
on the webcam.

- Listen to me, listen to me.
- What?

I can't...
I cannot go through this again.

Lolly, I swear to you, Aydin was not NSA.
He was not... NCS...

Oh, no. CIA, DIA, NSB, INB...

He was my old boss' hit man.

Well, not a very good one, obviously.

He had his moments.

Did you hear that?

Or did you hear not that?

- Okay.
- Okay. Let's get the fuck out of here!

I'm serious. It's crazy town out there.

I'm trying to tell you,
let's just blow this taco stand.

Look, let's just let somebody
else find this motherfucker.

They ain't gonna know it was us.

I was the last one seen in here!
They could trace this guy to me!

Okay... then I will bounce.

You were the one that killed him.

Oh, I was just supposed to let him
strangle you to death?

Did I need to say "to death"?

"Was I just supposed to let him
strangle you... to death?"

Hmm. Either way...

- Um, you are welcome.
- Okay.

- And I'm gonna go.
- Wait!


♪...Sad song
just to turn it around ♪

It's got to be a phone.

Boss, got three letters for you.

You mention the fucking NSA,
and I swear to Christ...

Check his boot.

They don't let guards have phones.

Now he's texting?

Cover that, cover that, cover that.



Ooh! What's that?


They got more of those?

Hm. Yeah, I mean, there's all kinds.

Ooh! I like the kitty with the heart eyes.

And the alien!

But that's not how aliens really look.

Okay. Well, I could stay for a while.

This shit is heavy!

Is anyone else's helmet
fogging up when he breathes?

How do you not make it fog up?

I'm breathing out of my mouth in, like,
a downward direction, blowing down.

In through my nose
and out through my mouth.

Oh, shit. Every time I talk, it fogs up.

I'm taking this damn thing off.

Let's move!

- Feel that?
- Uh-huh.

Now, that's definitely my softest part.

That is... really soft.

It's like cocoa butter there.

Oh, um... feel my earlobe.

It's lumpy in the middle.

I... I had my ears pierced.

But the skin is still really soft on top
and around the edge.

Like... super-soft.

Back, back, back, back!
All right, let's go!

Move 'em up, move 'em up,
move 'em up!

Let's go!

Where you going?

Um... back to camp.

We have to go. They said.

Wait. Why?

Because we're prisoners.

But why?

Because someone said so?

- Took a plea deal.
- Everybody makes mistakes.

Why do we have to sit in a box
to pay for it?

I didn't hurt anyone.

Yeah, but dinner is at 4:45.

I did hurt someone.

You wrote "Time Hump."

We can make our own reality.

I don't understand what you're saying.

I'm... saying...

We don't go back.

- Are you taking it from below?
- Yeah, it's gonna look great.

You look totally bloated.

He wouldn't take it from below.

Would you stop moving your lips
and let me do my job?

You just got to lie there and play dead.

Act like you were having sex
with an ugly dude.

- Have you ever had sex with a dude?
- Just take the fucking shot!

All inmates
are to report to the cafeteria!

No one is to return to the dorms.

It doesn't matter
whether you are wet or dry...

no one is to return to the dorms.

- Everyone is to report...
- Shit. Hurry.

All right, all right, all right.

- There.
- Yeah?

That's good. All right. I'm sending it.

- We better show up.
- Okay.

Um... right.

Oh, fuck.

Maybe if we roll him
into the corner for now

and cover him with a tarp or something,

we could come back later and bury him.

- Oh, where the fuck we gonna do that?
- We figure it out! Work with me.

We need to get out of here

and get punished for swimming in a lake

before we get caught and punished
for killing a fucking guard.

Okay! Yes! Yes. Okay. Let's do it.

One, 2...

Oh, god.

Okay, hold on.


- Oh, fuck.
- Cover his fucking feet.

Hey, uh,
your pocket's glowing there, slick.

You might want to put that
somewhere else.

Jesus. Fucking sick motherfuck.

What? I can't believe he didn't buy that.
You looked totally dead.

Well, guess it's back on the ground.

- Unh-unh.
- Come on!

Shirt up, bra down, floobies out,
face slack.

Dead-girl porn. Cosby dream shot.

Do it! Let's go!

Girl, didn't you hear that?

Anybody seen Crazy?

Not since her and her cuckoo compadre
stepped on my sand castle.

- I know they didn't mean to, but still...
- What did you say?

I said, "Run!
Because if I catch you, I'll kill you."

- And they ran?
- You bet your ass they ran.

- Shit.
- Ran? They skipped, laughing.

- She didn't scare them.
- Oh, no?

They were having fun.

It still don't answer
where they gone.

- You two seen them anywhere?
- Nope.

Man, now I'm starting to worry.

Hey! How come you two ain't wet?

- You ain't wet.
- Hey, less talk, more walk, inmate.

Did you just push her?

Officer, what's your name?
I haven't seen you before.

Inmate, I'm from max,
where there's order.

You want to come live in my house,
keep asking questions. Now walk!

Eyes forward! Mouths shut!


Are they, like, on a tour?

Tourists don't have pillows and blankets.

Overcrowding is dangerous.

We're already fighting over resources.

Well, think of it as a mandala...

a pussy.

- I got 217.
- Two twenty-nine.

I got 226 inmates, Sir.

Okay. I have, uh, 2-3-4...

- Or 5.
- Again!

- Hmm?
- Count 'em again!

And where are my printouts?
With the name and I.D. Numbers on them?

Uh, the printer was out of ink,
so Luschek is gonna fix it.

Luschek, how long does it take you

to change the ink and print out
some goddamn papers?

- Hello? Are you there?
- Yeah, they're printing.

I'll be there as soon
as they're done printing.

That's about the best I can do.

You're a moron.

Yeah, I love you, too. Kisses! Mwah!


And they say
the art of gift-giving is dead.

Listen, huh?

If we don't get in there, no one eats.

Then no one eats.

Maybe that's appropriate.

You break the rules,
you don't get your supper.

Oh, this is ridiculous.
I'm going to speak to Caputo.


- Hold it.
- What's going on?

Nothing that you should
concern yourself with, Sir.

My job is to make certain
the path is clear

so you can do your job
without hindrance.

We got this under control.

- Yeah?
- Yes, Sir.

- What's your name again?
- Piscatella, Sir.

Desi Piscatella.

All right.

- Good work.
- Thank you, Sir.


You any relation to Daniella Picatella?

No, it's Piscatella, Sir.

- Piscatella.
- With an "S."

Ah, gotcha. 'Cause Daniella was, whew!

You know, very... very tall.

Anyway, okay.

Uh, Piscatella with an "S,"
good work.

- Caputo!
- Hey! All right, troops.

- Let's scramble it up again.
- Let's go. Come on.

I think we're good here.

Isn't that right, inmate?

Just ducky, officer Piscatella...

with an "S."


Okay. So, if they're not making dinner,

can we just go back to our rooms
and get our candy and stuff?

'Cause I got low blood pressure
and I'm gonna pass out.

I got to get out
of these wet clothes first.


Ew! That was very vivid.

I'm very damp.

Yeah, well, who knows what's
gonna be what in the dorms

by the time we get back in there.

What are you talking about?

It's sardine time, bitches.

We a for-profit prison now.

We ain't people no more.

We bulk items.

Can you check to see
if I'm bleeding through my pants?

Guard. Guard!

She needs to change
her pad and her pants.

She's bleeding real bad
from the baby she just had.

- Show him.
- Oh, god.

That... That is disgusting.

That is so disgusting.

No. You know what's disgusting?

What's happening here.

What you gonna do for her?

No one's allowed to leave the room.

So we're gonna ask you again;
What are you gonna do for her?

Come on!



Are we not talking English?

So, I'm a married lady!

Oh, you actually did it?

I've still got his sperms
inside of me and everything.

Really didn't need that lovely detail.

But you missed the lake.

- But I got married.
- Yeah, but it was fun.

I was on Big Boo's shoulders,
and we were winning at chicken.

No way.

Excuse me. I got married.

I had intercourse with a man
who is now my husband.

My day was better than yours.

My day was better than everyone's.

Today is my wedding day.

Anita built a sand castle.

Crazy Eyes found a turtle.

You're all a bunch of assholes.

I feel like we all married the lake,
don't you, ladies?

- Absolutely.
- We're forever changed.

I still have lake water
running down my leg.

Fuckin' bitches, is what you are.

- I need this.
- Are you hearing me?

What... What is going on?!
are you seeing this?!

Hey, man, bring that back.
She got married today.

I need it. Sorry.
And, uh, it's unapproved.

Morello, don't worry.
He can't help himself.

For your information,
there's bleeding happening,

and I'm helping to absorb it
with this, so...

There are napkin dispensers
behind the food-service counter.

Can she please have her veil back?

No, it's still an infraction.

So, it sounds
like the lake was really fun, huh?

Actually... I'm not sure
how clean that water was.

I'm starting to get
a gnarly itch on my thighs.

You too.

I'll scratch yours if you scratch mine.

But you bite your nails.

I want to hear about the fuckin'.

He got a big dick?

Well... "Italian" don't rhyme
with "stallion" for nothing.

Although I have always been very tight.

I mean, even when I was
doing this semi-regular

with a guy who used to put
his shoe up there.

- Excuse me?
- Oh!

It wasn't the shoe
that he wore on his foot.

It was a new shoe.

We called it our special doin'-it shoe.

It was a loafer.

We was in Catholic school.

Anyway, even then, I would
just snap right back, you know?

Just... Kegel.

Again, heavy on the detail. Less is more.

Oh. Boo-Boo, you're such a prude today.

Let me tell you about the vows.

Who likes the band, Foreigner?

Yo, she did not drown.
She ran off with that turtle girl.

Man, you see?

Hanging around white folks is a bad idea.

I'm not white.

Yeah, but you ain't brown.

And you ain't shit. Racist.

Black people can't be racist.

We have no power.

I'm gonna have to call bullshit on that.

I'm sorry. Look, we may not
be able to act on our racism,

like put people in the ghetto,
send them to shitty school,

kill them in the back of police vans.

- Mm.
- But we sure as shit can be

as racist as everybody else,
'cause it's America.

- Land of the free, home of the racist.
- Word.

Yo, is anybody worried
that Suzanne is AWOL?

Yeah, we're all worried, but we're stuck.

And we're all moist and uncomfortable.

And I'm mostly dry.

"Damp." Is that better?

Is "moist" like some kind
of trigger word for you?

- What did you say?
- "Trigger," man. She said "trigger."

- She said "nigger."
- Come on, now.

- Don't even.
- What? I'm bored!

Can't we have a race war? It'll be fun.

We have to get back out there.

What's your friend's name again?

Spout? Cylinder?

- Hmm? Piper?
- Yeah.

Why do I have a block on that stupid...

- Piper!
- No!

- What?
- Jesus, stop.

- What?
- I have a cell phone

between my tits and keys in my twat.

- Oh.
- And you just killed someone.

Do you think now's really
the best time to socialize?

Were you at the lake, too?

Nobody told me it was happening.

Do I look wet to you?

As a matter of fact,
we did go to the lake.

- It was... delightful.
- Yep.

What is going on with you?

She just got too much sun.
She's fine.

Listen, look over there.

Look. Please?


I know.

I know. This can't be good.

Where is everybody gonna fit?

No, no, no, no, no, no!

Remember, on the plane to Chicago,
that girl? She fell asleep on me?

She was scared to fly?

- We stole her apple.
- Vaguely.

Okay, I think that's her.

- I guess.
- No, that's her.

I remember her face
'cause she fell asleep on me.

Cool. Alex?

I can't talk to you right now, Piper.
I can't.

All I want to do is get out
of here and, like, take a walk,

and I can't do that.

So I'm feeling very frustrated.

I hear you. You got a taste.
You want more. See, I didn't.

I was inside while everybody else
was outside at the lake having fun.

Yeah, I'm gonna need you
to piss off right now.

You shouldn't talk to me like that.

If you haven't heard yet, you will.

I am a force to be reckoned with.


I'm gonna finish my book.

Nick Hornby.

I liked "High Fidelity."


The teardrop, it's on the wrong side.

- What are you talking about?
- Are they even tattoos?

They're makeup.

So they're for, like, decoration?

That's so cute.

It's my thing.

Well, where I'm from, it means something.

What, like you killed somebody?

- No.
- No?

No, I killed three somebodies.


And I got popped for fucking WIC fraud.
You believe that shit?

Anyhow, eyeliner girl...

who's running the game in here?

"The game"?

Oh, come on. Don't hold out on me.

We're friends now.
We both love to cry in black.


who's la Jefa?

That one...

over there.

The white girl.

The reader.


Cold, like a bomb pop
from way back of the freezer.

She may look all "La la la"...

but she the one.



It's a gingerbread house.

It's like Berdie says, um,
"Always say yes.

- Yes, and..."
- Oh. Yes.

Yes, and...

it... tastes so delicious!

Whatever paint is left on this,
it's definitely lead-based.

Lead-based and rotten wood

and fungus.

Did I just bite a termite?

Maybe it's a big piece of ginger.

No, stop. Stop, time-out.

You think there's any water around here?

Uh, there's no time-outs.

Your brain can imagine anything.

It made "Time Hump."

- Oh.
- Know what I mean?

It's... magical. It is special. It's...

But my tongue can't eat anything,

and you have got to stop
with this "Time Hump" thing.

It's over.

Okay? Plus, it's gonna get dark soon.

But I love "Time Hump."

You got to do more stories.

Um, maybe... the gingerbread tastes weird
because there's a spell on it.

What happens next?

I'm not sure.

Take a minute.

Let the, uh, story hula-hoop
around your brain hips.

We've got time.

We are never going back.


We can live here forever.
We found a house. We can live in it.

You can read me stories.

And we can eat, ah, raccoon meat
and berries, and we could...

- We can make love.
- I... I... I really made a big mistake.

- What are you doing?
- Um...

There is...

a witch inside that house.


she wants to eat us.

Then we kill the witch.

Maybe we take out her intestines

with a pitchfork fashioned
from wolves' teeth.

I don't want to do this anymore!

I'll wait.

Well, how many are we missing?

Uh, I'm gonna say at least two,
but no more than 11.

It might be 12.

We're still getting
different numbers, Sir.

And we still don't have
the goddamn rosters.

This is ridiculous.

All right, this is what we're gonna do.

All the original inmates,
they go back to their bunks.

We do a regular count, bed by bed.

And the newbies?

They wait.

Bayley, go up.

You come walk the perimeter with me,
see if we find some stragglers.

Let's go, let's go.


What is it, Luschek?

You might want to come
to the mail room.

Yeah, and you might want
to suck my dick!

Fucking incompetent!
I'll deal with you later!

I don't want to suck his dick.

This is really
some kind of shit show, huh?

To be fair, you've come
on a particularly crazy day.

But also... yes.

- I'm taking you home.
- Oh, and then what?

"Judy King skips out on prison"?
They will crucify me.

So we sit here?

Yes, we sit...

with Mr. Luschek.

Uh, actually, I should probably
take these papers over there.

You guys mind going back into the lobby?

Are you serious? You cannot be s...

- No, Bill, calm down.
- I... I really, I got...

No, really.

What is it? I know you don't give a fig
about those papers, so, what?

Is this your smoke break?

Smoking is disgusting.

Uh... I was gonna go take a nap.

What is the matter with you?

I think he's funny.

- Thank you.
- None of this is funny, Judith.

Uh-oh, we have entered the "Judith" zone.

Bill, I think it's time.

So you want to sit alone in the lobby?

Well, if you go, she can stay in here.

- I'll hang out.
- Now, you hear that?

He'll hang out.

So I'm being dismissed?

I'm in prison now. It's hardened me.

Nothing new about that, Mrs. King.

Well, don't I know that, Mr. Montgomery.

Go home. Go visit my husband.

He's probably more upset about this
than the two of us put together.

- This isn't your husband?
- No, he's the boyfriend.

Look at you.

Well, just don't look too close, darling.

Look at this.

Sealed tight.

- That was fast.
- Ten-four.

Ah! I'm sorry I'm so late!

Please let me back into prison.

Jesus Christ.

Thorpe, go get some wire cutters.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Caputo! Thank you.

Now, she wanted the fairy tale. I didn't.

I just wanted dinner.

"She"? Who's "she"?

Keep the volume down.

For now, stand at the front
of your cube for count.

Do not enter your cube.
Do not change your clothing.

Do not touch your personal effects.

Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

That is an order. Is that clear?

- Aah! Geez!
- Oh! Stop!

I said, "Is that clear?!"


Stand in your doorways now.

Inmate Whitehill.

I see you're flying solo this evening.

I don't know.

Who is your roommate?

We're not really friends.

She might be working for the other side.

Not that she's a murderer...
Well, she could be.

Who do you really trust these days?
You know?

Kukudio is missing.

And Whitehill's a little... unique.

Can you spell that?


- Could be K-U-C-K...
- I don't think there's a "C" in there.

- I think it's only the two k's.
- Yeah, I don't recall asking you.

Inmate Murphy.

Do you corroborate the information
Inmate Vause is sharing with me?

Uh, I would say that Whitehill is unique.

I'm not sure about the spelling thing.

"You are absolutely unique.

Just like everybody else."
Margaret Mead.

Another party heard from.

Maybe it's time to start writing shots.

Okay. Looks like everybody's here
but Kukudio.


They're left over from when it
used to be a men's prison.

There's a bunch of them back here.

Guards could live on campus back then.

It was nice.

By the lake.

Yeah, when the lake was still nice.

I had no idea
these were even back here.

We used to stay
in little cabins like this

in the summer when I was a kid

and before my dad got into dog dyeing.

You're gonna explain, aren't you?

I mean, only if you want me to.

Go. Quick.

Uh, he dyes and grooms dogs
so they look like wild animals.

You know: pandas, zebras, tigers.

It's a thing.

I'm sure it is.

- ...Camels.
- We're done now.


Come out! We know you're in there!

No, you don't.

We found her. Come and grab.

Copy that.

- Stay here.
- Huh?


Why haven't you been
answering your phone?

I've been calling all day.

Do I have your cell?
My assistant needs your cell.

I, uh...

What a nightmare.

I know. I know.

- But I'm dealing.
- Have you seen her yet?

It was a last-minute switch,

but she was processed
like everyone else.

I mean, no special treatment-ish.

Who... Who did the strip search?
Oh, Jesus.

Did you guys make Judy King
do a strip search?

- J... Judy King?
- You got to stay on top of this, Joe.

No fuck-ups.

The press is gonna be sniffing around.

There's gonna be
a magnifying glass on the place,

and I don't want to see our ants fried.

She's fine, but not too fine,

'cause the public
wants to see justice served.

But we are humane to our prisoners, right?

And in the end,
we don't want to piss her off,

because she's got friends.
So thread the needle.

What exactly does that mean?

I don't know.

How about "Don't fuck up"?

And, god damn it, you are
director of human activity now.

Get a fucking assistant
to answer your phones.

- Is that in the budget?
- No.

Make an inmate do it.


Where the fuck is Judy King?!

We all know sex and love are different,
especially for men.

See, why do people say that?

Why does everyone assume

that men can't form
emotional attachments with sex

like women do?

I do.

I get attached.

So I got to be careful.

That's very sweet.

It's not. It's horrible.

Are you in love right now?


Does anyone know where Judy King is?

How does no one
have eyes on this woman?

Party's over.


To be continued, my friend.

We'll see, inmate.

I got her.


Yeah, I tried to tell you.
We're in the mail room.

Oh, and the rosters are ready.

Still want me to suck your dick?

Top left.

Vernay, top right.


top right.

- Washington?
- Hey!

Top left.

Chris, Fitzpatrick.

Jenkins. Move it.

Left bunk two,
right bunk three.

Top right.

Smith, Green.

I'm owed an apology.

Bottom left, top right.

Remember, upper hand, right away.

Establish dominance. Got it.

Hapakuka, Dwight.

You're in here: bottom right, top left.

Kipness, top right.

Stewart, top left.

Top bunk, skinny.

He said bottom right.

Nope, that's my bed.
I've been here longer. And I'm not moving.

Do you have a problem with that?


Why don't you tell on me?

Everybody around here loves a snitch.

How do I even get up there?
I have bad knees.

Do I look like I give a shit?

Well, don't be a monster, Chapman.

She's a big girl.
Give her the bottom bunk, hmm?


Oh. What happened?
Did you hurt yourself?

What's that?

- An eight?
- It's infinity.

- It's infected.
- Really?

I have some rubbing alcohol.
Hold on a minute.

- Do you think it looks tough?
- I think it looks like an angry eight.

What can I tell you?

King, you're in here.

I have you on top of Washington.

Are you Washington?

Hi. I'm Judy.

Well, O... Okay, then.

Oh, Mrs. King? Mrs. King?

Hey, there. Me again.

- Oh, we met earlier.
- Mr. Caputo.

Right. Yes.

- Uh, there's been a mistake.
- What?

You shouldn't be in the ghet...

get this, get that. Um...

you shouldn't be in this dorm.

- Taystee!
- Um... so

we've assigned you somewhere else.

- Uh, please come with me.
- Oh. Well, okay.

- Bye.
- Move in.

Did nobody fuckin' see that?!

Stay where you are.


As-salamu alaykum.

Oh, fuck.

Where have you been?!

- Jesus! What the hell, girl?!
- I'm sorry. I've been in the forest.

I... I don't know if I'm in trouble or not.

I... ate... lead.

Girl, we've all eaten lead.

That's probably why half of us
are in here.


- The beds grew.
- Yeah.

Maybe you were better off in the forest.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I don't care. I am home. And Kukudio?

She is bat-shit crazy.

You don't say.


What are you gonna do?


Lolly, get up.
We got to go take care of this.


Our friend in the greenhouse?
Get up.

The friend?

Are we still in Green Bay?

Never mind. Just...

go to sleep.

They left you in here alone?
Jesus Christ.

- What did you see?
- Nothing.

What did you see?

A Kardashian, maybe?

Stick with your first answer.

Maureen Kukudio.

Maureen Kukudio.
Let's learn a little bit about you.


Look at that.

Who likes to be predictable.


What am I gonna do with you,
Maureen Kukudio?

Send me to bed?
Feed me first, then send me to bed?

- You ran away.
- Everyone ran away.

You extra ran away.

You guys were the ones
that took the fence down.

I got lost out there. I took shelter.

I almost froze to death.

It's 78 degrees.

I could have died while under your watch.

What if the warden found out about this?

I am the warden.


A rose is a rose.

I like your... sunflower.

Get out.

Go to bed.

No dinner.

Stay out of my sight.


So, I thought
everything was cool, right?


But now every time I see her,
she's really mean to me.

Well, what'd you do?


I mean, our... our work schedules
have changed,

and so, we haven't been
seeing each other as much.

Maybe she's mad about that.

What does she do?

She was a... trucker.

But, uh... She had an accident,
so she's been taking some time off.

Well, look...

if you're having trouble
talking to her in person,

just text her, man... face emoji?

It's cute. She'll like that.
Chicks love baby faces.

She don't really text a whole lot.

Mnh-mnh, mnh-mnh,
mnh-mnh, mnh-mnh.

If I ever text you,
I'm just gonna use letters and numbers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It makes me sad for humanity.

What? What?

Rise and shine.

- What's going on? What time is it?
- 3:30 A.M.

You wanted to feed the troops.
It's time for your shift.

But I don't start until 4:30.

Breakfast starts at 4:30.
Now more bodies to feed.

Get up.

Don't keep the people waiting.

Who's gonna eat at 4:30?


Where you going?

Home. Shower. Sleep.

Oh, sure.

Now that you're the big boss man,
you get to sleep all day

while the rest of us have to work, huh?

Pretty good life you got there, buddy.

Healy, Healy...

I had something
I needed to say to you. I...

Shit. My brain is not working.

Something about the new inmates?

Guard walk-out?

Who told you about the guard walk-out?

Saw Maxwell at Jamba's.

Boy, she is one angry...


Talked my ear off.

Anyway, don't worry.

I'm brought up to speed.

Go change your suit.

Be the big dog.


Hey! Morticia!

We got to take care of some
non-plant matter in the greenhouse.

Do you get what I am saying?

You with me?

She's... she's with me.

We love gardening.


Good morning, handsome.

I'm Judy King.

Sam Healy.


What the fuck did you do?

Nice try.

It was self-defense.

He was killing me. We had no choice.

I'm bored. What's the plan?

Bury him under the floorboards.

Well, that's dumb.
Haven't you ever killed someone before?


Have you?

That's personal.

But if I had, I'd know better

than to waste my time
digging one six-foot hole

when I could dig six one-foot holes.
That's just murder math.

What are you talking about?

Fuckin' amateurs.

It's got to go in the garden.

The earth's already soft
and dug and turned.

I am not cutting up a body.

I was supposed to transplant
the sunflowers today.

I'll keep these as a thank you.

You got to start cutting
along the joint line,

and whatever you do,
don't puncture the intestines.

- That's it for the toast. Sorry, people.
- You've got to be kidding me.

That's the only crunchy thing
we get today.

Without toast, this is just slop.

There's really no more toast?

These are new days.
The early bird gets the toast.


you owe me for the Hawaiian.

You watching this shit?

Cleopatra was talking for reals.

Guess you can't judge a book, huh?

For you, your majesty.

Thank you.

After you, Jefa.

Do I know you?

I just heard things.

You heard things.


Okay, then.

Have a nice day.

♪ This is my last resort ♪

♪ Cut my life into pieces ♪

♪ I've reached my last resort ♪

♪ Suffocation no breathing ♪

♪...if I cut my arm bleeding ♪

♪ Do you even care if I die bleeding ♪

♪ Would it be wrong would it be right ♪

♪ If I took my life tonight ♪

♪ Chances are that I might ♪

♪ Mutilation out of sight ♪

♪ And I'm contemplating suicide ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm losing my sight ♪

♪ Losing my mind ♪

♪ Wish somebody
would tell me I'm fine ♪

♪ Losing my sight ♪

♪ Losing my mind ♪

♪ Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine ♪

♪ Cut my life into pieces ♪

♪ This is my last resort ♪

♪ Suffocation no breathing ♪

♪ Don't give a fuck
if I cut my arm bleeding ♪

♪ Would it be wrong would it be right ♪

♪ If I took my life tonight ♪

♪ Chances are that I might ♪

♪ Mutilation out of sight ♪

♪ And I'm contemplating suicide ♪

♪ Can't go on ♪

♪ Living this way ♪

♪ Right ♪

Flowers look nice.

Well, I don't know about you,
but I'm starving.

♪ Motherfucker got fucked up
'cause he got in the way ♪

♪ Not a lot of things to say ♪

♪ Motherfucker got in the way ♪

♪ Motherfucker got fucked up
'cause he got in the way ♪

♪ Let not another motherfucker
cross my path ♪

♪ I'm feelin' kind of crazy
like a psychopath ♪

♪ And you don't want to cross me
when I feel this way ♪

♪ Motherfucker got fucked up
'cause he got in the way ♪

♪ Not a lot of things to say ♪

♪ Motherfucker got in the way ♪

♪ Motherfucker got fucked up
'cause he got in the way ♪