Orange Is the New Black (2013–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - Blood Donut - full transcript

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

MAN: (ON RADIO)
The President doesn't care

about the Hispanic plight.

He doesn't care
about poor Mexicans...

Well, you didn't miss much, if
it makes you feel any better.

Except movie night.

We got Joe Versus the Volcano.
That was pretty good.

And we got meatloaf twice.

Personally,
I think it should be baked,

and here they steam it
so it gets all pasty.

Do not tell Red I said that.



I mean, she knows, but she got
feelings just like everybody else.

You know those good mashed
potatoes that Red makes,

from the real
potatoes and not the box?

Yeah.

Maybe you could ask about getting
some of that served up tonight.

You her girl.

Well, she works up the menus
a week in advance, so...

Think about what
I've been through.

Can't promise anything.

Twenty-six, 27, 28, 29, 30! Ha-ha!
Who's the big talker now?

(MUFFLED) You were
counting too fast!

Bullshit, Vause.
I told you, it can't be done.

Six saltines in 30 seconds?

(SPITS)



(LAUGHING)

You are a disgusting animal.
Okay? What the fuck?

I mean, which is a quality
I greatly admire in a person.

You're in touch
with your primal self.

Yeah, well, my primal self cannot
resist a dare, apparently.

Which is also how I ended up
with three broken toes

and, briefly, chlamydia.

And in prison.

Well, that wasn't so much
a dare, as it was a deal.

MAN ON PA: Officer Webster,
pick up extension 414.

Hey, get over here.
You're missing a moment.

MAN ON PA: Visitation will be
ending in five minutes.

God, SHU must really suck ass.

Man, she was in
there for two weeks.

I've taken shits
longer than that.

(CHUCKLING)

Hey, Kate Winslet.
See any icebergs?

(SCOFFS)

GIRL:
They're back again, Janae.

Cut that out!

Boys chase girls!

Whatcha gonna do
if you catch us?

Only one way to find out.

(SCOFFS)
Go back to your mama.

GIRLS: Ooh...

Janae! Quit showing off!

Good morning. Welcome.

Hey!
HEALY: Ladies of the WAC.

Are you taking us
to prom or something?

Just close the door, please.

Thank you.

All right.

Now, a small token
of my esteem.

Dang, Healy.
That's proper!

(HEALY CHUCKLING)
Oh!

Now you talk
about this outside,

you never see bear claws again.

Silencio, Mr. Healy. We're
gonna be like Red's lady.

What's her name?
The one that don't talk?

Norma.

We gonna be like four Normas.

HEALY: All right, now,
business,

i.e. if you will, the concerns
of your fellow inmates.

Mr. Healy, the pillow that we get
for sleeping is thin like paper.

Sometimes, yo necessito two pillows.
For ergonomics.

A second pillow?
Write it down.

Okay, first of all, the hot sauce
in the commissary is bullshit.

We want that Thailand sauce, the
one with the rooster on it.

Rooster sauce.

And second of all,
ain't no reason we can't

get Fifty Shades of
Grey in the library!

We talked about this,
Jefferson.

Fed's not gonna
subsidize erotica.

I've got a copy.

I've got one, too.

Fifty Shade.

I withdraw my request. But Maria's
straight up about the pillows.

Pillows again. Chapman.

You're done?

Far as I know.

Okay.

The thing is, I think
that a few basic changes

could drastically
improve the quality of life.

Like clinic hours every week
for preventative health care.

And re-opening the track.

And maybe legal counseling.

And the GED program.

Now, I understand that there's a
mold situation in the classroom,

but this needs to be addressed.

The inmates down the hill,
they get classes,

and they are not
getting out any time soon.

We are here for shorter stays.

We should be learning
to improve ourselves,

as students

or even teachers.

Something's telling me
she has a teacher in mind.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Chang, you're up.

Okay, Mr. Healy. Okay.

Lay it on me, Chang.

Okay.

Good.

We got a good list going here,
some good ideas.

Now, the problem as I see it...

No, sir, I really think that...

...is that we have
a budget situation.

Now, I can do my best,

but it's gonna be hard for me
to do all these things

and still be able to bring donuts
to our meetings every month.

And coffee.

Well, we tried.

(CHUCKLING)

What just happened?

You were there.

We finally get an opportunity

to make some improvements
around here and...

Don't be gettin' all Amistad
on me, Chapman.

Healy look like he
gunning for change?

Okay, but what about your
campaign promises?

Everyone say
shit to get elected.

You ain't actually gotta do it.

That's politics.

I got a disciplinary
board hearing this week,

which, if they don't take away
my good time, I go home.

Healy said he would write
a letter vouching for me.

I ain't looking to make waves.

Glassy water. Smooth sailin'
right on out of here.

So this whole WAC
thing is basically bullshit.

Just take the donuts, girl.

PENNSATUCKY:
Can you believe her?

That college bitch thinks
she can come up in here

and take charge of
shit with her nice teeth

and her pinky
stuck up in the air.

She's got a surprise coming.

Is it a pony?

Just shut your trap, Lurch.

Nobody cares what's comin'
outta them slit lickin' lips.

Did you vote for her?
No.

Did you vote for her?

Who voted for that bitch,
raise your hand! Raise it.

That's what I thought.

Some Garden-of-Gethsemane
shit up in here, y'all.

Chapman is a Judas Iscariot, cozied
on up to the High Priest Healy.

And he throws out my vote.

My votes that
were bestowed upon me

from my Lord,
and gives her all the silver?

So in this analogy,
you're Jesus Christ?

I've been betrayed.

Oh, gosh! Oh, no, no.

(BANGING ON DOOR)
Uh...

Gonna be a while. I'm a little
backed up in here. Sorry.

(BANG ON DOOR)

We were starting to
think you deserted us.

I tried making that coconut cake myself.
Nicky called it "coco-not."

(CHUCKLES)

What pain did you bring down
on her for that?

She was right.
Your cake is inimitable.

Norma got me an improve-your-vocabulary
book out of the library.

You got to keep the brain
cells working, or they die.

To be honest, there's a few things
I wouldn't mind forgetting.

Norma saw you in the library,

bent over a law book like a
boy hiding a titty magazine.

I got interests
beyond coconut cake.

So does every idiot in here.

Where's my Mexican vanilla?

Oh.

Everything off the books
lives like Anne Frank now.

Seems like a lot of trouble.

You get too comfortable,
people take advantage.

You got it under control?

Don't go looking for miracles,
Claudette.

You and me, we figured out
how to do time.

(GRUNTING)

Well, at least it's
better than SHU, right?

I mean, the isolation
must just be terrible.

Or not.

I've never been to SHU.

I've read that it can be
very loud down there,

with people yelling
at each other all the time?

When I said that
I'd never been to SHU,

did that make me
sound like an asshole?

Because obviously I didn't...

Fuck, Chapman.

Ah!

Here's why
the floodlights went out.

It looks like
a rat got to this.

Ew! I fucking hate rats.

My brother had one
while we were growing up.

It was kind of cute, actually.

He named it Antonio.

I saw one chewed
up a baby's face.

I named it "fuckin'
face-chewing rat."

You gonna fix the wire or what?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ah! Shit!

Did you turn off the switch?

I thought that you
turned off the switch.

Oh, man!

It's okay. It's my fault.

So you're back
in the rooms, huh?

I hope they didn't
stick you with De Marco.

I mean, she's super
nice and everything,

but, man, that breathing machine
can just drive you bonkers.

You know, if you want,
I can make you some ear plugs.

I take a little bit of
stuffing out of a pillow,

and I just smush it
up in some Vaseline,

and then I wrap it up in some
plastic wrap from the sack lunches.

The rooms is full, all right?
I'm in the ghetto tonight.

But you could still
use them in there.

I'll make you some, okay?

Jesus fucking shit.

Sorry?

What?

It was you.

What?

The screwdriver what.

Acting all sweet
like a piece of candy.

Nobody's sweet in
here except for a reason.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Do not fucking
lie to me, bitch.

Do not fucking insult me
after what you done already.

In my defense,

I would just like
to point out that technically,

you did not go down
because of the screwdriver.

Technically,
you went down to SHU

because you got all
up in Caputo's face.

Lady, we in a tight-ass space
and I bench 140.

You sure "technically" is how
you wanna handle this shit?

Are you gonna say anything?

I ain't a snitch.

Damn!

See? This one got
the same number on both ends.

The first time you play that,
it's called a spinner.

You have to play the ends
and the sides, both.

Like a no-class girl
lets you use any hole.

(CHUCKLING)

Yeah.

These are all the places I'm
gonna travel when I get out.

Starting with Anguilla.

I read that Orlando Bloom
honeymooned there.

And Courteney Cox
and David Arquette,

even though that
didn't work out.

I love the beach,
but I burn like a lobster,

so I'm gonna get
a good swim shirt

and, bonus, it's gonna hide
the gallbladder scar.

Oh, yeah. Sure.

Come on. Okay, bitches,

who's first in line
for some puppy lovin'?

Puppy lovin'!

He's so cute.

He looks just like my dog
from when I was a kid.

Except mine was
more of a Dachshund,

but the nostril
part is the same.

You look just like Chummy.

Make him do a trick.

She doesn't know any yet.

Well, maybe you can
take some time off

from sitting
around eating all day,

and teach him something.

(LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY)

(MOUTHING) Fucking asshole.

Chapman wrote me three letters
for my case and it did fuck-all.

They ain't lettin' people out who
hasn't done their whole time.

Well, I ain't people.
I'm training for this, bitch.

And I ain't never comin' back,
neither, not like the rest of y'all.

Like Oprah say,
"the road less traveled."

You know, that doesn't mean
what everybody thinks it means.

Aw, shit, we about to
get educated and shit.

No, no, no. I'm just saying that
everyone thinks the poem means

to break away from the crowd
and, like, do your own thing.

But if you read it,
Frost is very clear

that the two roads
are exactly the same.

He just chooses one at random.

And then it's only later at a dinner
party, when he's talking about it

that he tells
everybody he chose

the road less
traveled by, but he's lying.

So the point of the poem is,

that everyone
wants to look back

and think that
their choices mattered,

but in reality, shit just happens
the way that it happens,

and it does not mean anything.

I will probably kill
her in her sleep tonight.

Wake me up so I can watch.

I'm gonna...

Laundry.

You ever notice how some dog
breeds, they sound kind of dirty?

Like, shih tzu,
cocker, Jack-something.

Poodle.

(LAUGHING) That is good.

I didn't think of that one.
That is very clever.

BIG BOO: Hey, you know what, guys?
Look at that face.

I'm gonna call her Little Boo.
Aw!

Little Boo.
Who's a little boo? Yes!

Hello?

ALEX: It's closed.

Alex?

I was just gonna
drop this off, but...

Tomorrow.

Just give it.

Give it to me.

MAN ON PA:
Attention all personnel,

be advised count is off. Can
we please conduct a recount?

Do you remember the Four
Seasons in the Seychelles?

Gosh, we just threw
our laundry into the hallway,

it was like 40 bucks
for a pair of pants.

(SIGHING) Hey.

I've been thinking about it...

...a lot.

And I just
wanted to let you know

that there are
no hard feelings.

I was pretty angry,
but, I'm over it.

So, um...

Friend?

Wow.

That's really
big of you, Pipes.

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

It's not a club.

It's a class.

They teach you to
dance on a pole.

If you want to be a stripper,
you can wait until I die.

It's not stripping. It's for nice
ladies, housewives. For exercise.

That's what they tell you!

Then one day you
wake up in Atlantic City...

where girls are trash...

and I'm lighting candles
under your picture.

Can we please speak
English at the table?

Just at the table?

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

Two more years
for a green card.

Be nice.

You don't have to fuck him.

(LAUGHING)

I should be lucky, a decent
man wants to fuck me.

Oy.

English.

He's not eating.

English.

You look very
pretty in that dress.

Thank you, Sam. It is very...

...blue.

You guys ever notice how,
once you're a couple,

you pretty much only hang out
with other couples?

A guy, a girl and another guy?
It just looks weird.

People probably just assume
you're divorced.

Oh. Great, so,
I look divorced,

which conveys sadness and
ex-wife shit and lawyers' fees,

or I look single,
34 and single,

which must mean there's
something wrong with me.

Like, you keep
large reptiles in tanks.

Or I have a very special
relationship with my mother.

I just look like a loser.

Why don't you
switch seats with Pete?

You're okay being a loser,
right, babe?

I don't wanna
look like a loser.

Okay, now look, what am I
complaining about, right?

I mean, seriously, you know?

We're sitting here, we're gonna
enjoy some small plates,

while Piper sits in prison.

You know what? Fuck Piper.

She's in prison and it sucks.

Let's also
stipulate there are children

are dying of
diarrhea in Malawi.

That doesn't mean we don't get
to complain about our lives.

I am pregnant and the heat in our
apartment is always too high

and it gives me nosebleeds,
and that is happening.

Pete isn't getting laid and
he's grown that horrible beard.

You look like a loser.

We're all
allowed to feel shitty

about things in our
lives that are shitty.

And happy about
things that are awesome.

Like this awesome beard!
Ugh.

And your column.

What? That's happening?

Who can resist a "Felonious
Fiancee" story, right?

(CHUCKLES)

Yeah,
it's, it's totally happening.

New York Times, baby.
"Modern Love."

That's huge!
Yeah.

Does Piper know?
Is she cool about it?

(STUTTERING)
I mean, sort of.

Yeah, I mean, she's
sorting out her feelings,

I guess, you know.

I'm going to tell her tomorrow, you know.
Now that it's for sure.

(RHYTHMIC THUMPING)

INMATE 1: Oh, man!

(HEAVY PANTING)

INMATE 2:
What's up with that, girl?

INMATE 3:
Would you shut the fuck up.

I know you ain't fucking
with my beauty rest, yo.

It's fucking Watson, man.

They closed
the track on me, haters.

I ain't gonna get soft
like the rest of y'all.

Look, none of that's
gonna matter

when they throw your
ass in SHU, part two.

I got 10 minutes before
the CO come back around.

Man, somebody get this bitch
a hamster wheel.

What you gonna do
about it, Jemima?

The hell you just call me?

(LAUGHING)

I said, what you gonna do?

(WHOOPING)

COACH: Lightning fast!

Did you see
the Fillmore coach's face?

He had no idea what happened to him.
You happened to him.

I just ran, Coach.

Well,
Watson, you just ran yourself

into the high
school record book.

That gonna help
with scholarships?

Girl, colleges will
be fighting over you.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

Now, you get dressed.
Okay.

I'll introduce you around, all right?
They're all waiting.

You ran good.

I know it.

The universe did you wrong. Then
they took away your track, I get it.

What you talking 'bout,
you get it?

Yo, go on back to the suburbs,
string cheese.

I was like you once.
Pissed off,

thought the world
owed me something.

It took me a long time
to let go of that anger.

Bitch, you lying to yourself with
this whole Namaste bullshit.

You're a step ahead already,

channeling your feelings
through physical activity,

which means,
the mind and body connect.

Who touched you, yo?
Was it your uncle?

Your daddy?

Okay, you want to project your
issues onto me? That's cool.

But I feel bad for you.

(LAUGHS)

That negative energy
is gonna eat you up inside.

(SCOFFS)

Man, you this deep in the shit,

you must have done
something fucking evil.

Huh?

Why you in here, yo?

Did you kill someone?

You fucked a kid?

Oh!

You kill a kid?

(GASPS)

That's what I thought.

Huh!

(CHATTERING ON RADIO)

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

HEALY: Chapman, come in.

Or vojdite,
as they say in Kiev.

Ahh!

Are you planning a vacation?

If I were,
it would be somewhere

you drink rum out
of a mini volcano.

(LAUGHS)

What can I do for you?

The track.

You know, I once saw this
lecture on YouTube called

"23 and 1/2 Hours."

It's one of those things where
someone draws on a whiteboard?

And it says...

Well, if the Internet says it,
then we better listen up, eh?

(SIGHS)

Hmm.

How much money does this institution
spend on healthcare per year?

(CHUCKLES)

Walking for a half an hour a day
reduces the risk of anxiety,

arthritis, depression, things
like dementia and diabetes.

It helps with everything.

If you could save money
on medical expenses

with something as simple as
walking, why wouldn't you?

I mean, in the long term...

No one here gives a crap
about the long term, Chapman.

Yo, Preparation H.

Oops. Sorry.

I'll come back when you're
done taking orders.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Sitting around all day
is the worst possible thing

that you can do for your body.

We're already doing the time.

I've got a deal
for you, Chapman.

Caputo thinks a CO's been putting
inside photos on the Internet,

but I think that kind of nonsense
is too stupid even for a CO.

I don't know
what you're asking.

Let's say an inmate is hiding a
camera or a cell phone or something.

And you find it for me, I'll take
a look at opening that track.

Prison's a big place,
Mr. Healy.

I have confidence in you.

MAN ON PA: Prisoner return to custody.
Prisoner return to custody.

What's with the grin, Bennett? You
got some new silk panties on?

(LAUGHING)

Or what,
you get laid or something?

Oh, shit!

(LAUGHING)
Bennett got laid!

Come on, man. Spill the beans,
you fucking pussy monster.

Was she Asian?

No.

I hear their
shit goes sideways.

Well? Go ahead.

Okay, I got laid.

Yes! I knew it! I knew it,
you dirty whore! Come on.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)
I couldn't be prouder if I was your dad.

Tell me, man.
What about her tits?

Were they like big
floppy fucking milk jugs

or a nice,
tight, little handful?

What was it?

They were fake.

Oh!

She's half-Asian,
half-Brazilian.

(GROANS)

She's got this sister.

(GASPS)

(EXHALES)

Jesus fucking Christ.

Miss Jefferson, why do you
deserve to be released?

Thank you, sir.

Let the record show

I only had three infractions
for all my time here.

One was for smacking a bitch for not
respecting my ice machine choices,

and, well, the second...
They was bullshit.

Also, I ain't never missed a
day workin' in the library.

Don't say, "workin'," say, "employed."
The shit sound more elegant.

Also, maybe go easy
on the bitch-smacking?

Like, don't bring that shit up.

All right.
Miss Jefferson,

what have you learned from
your time in prison?

Learned?
I ain't learned nothing.

I came in this motherfucker
innocent, I'm still innocent.

You keep talkin'
about innocent,

you gonna slide on back in here

like you got
a magnet up your ass.

I ain't do nothing.

Look, me, neither, all right?

We are all just in here 'cause we
took a wrong turn goin' to church.

Listen, what you did or didn't do.
That shit is irrelevant now.

You gotta show remorse, fool.

Tell 'em you met Jesus, you go
and seen the error of your ways.

Now you gonna help
the underprivileged youth

learn to play chess or whatnot.

You know, so they don't end up
like your sorry ass self.

Man, I ain't sorry!

Aye, look, look, look.
This bitch!

Tell 'em, tell 'em
you goin' to college.

Man, what if I did?

(LAUGHING)

What you gonna major in?
Ebonics?

I could be a law secretary.

The shit I learned in my job, I'm
like Rain Man with that shit.

You know what, sit your ass down.
It's time to get serious.

(SIGHS)

What you gonna do about hair?

Oh!

(FLORES CHATTING IN SPANISH)

But if you get
some puta pregnant...

(CHATTING IN
SPANISH CONTINUES)

Gonna go and
bounce on daddy's lap?

What did I do now?

Don't be all cute, college.

Have you seen my teeth?
Like, really?

Wow. They're...

Pretty fucked up, huh?

Yeah.

Genetics mostly.

Oh.

But my cousin, she's doin'
15 over at Lexington,

and she got a whole new set from
the United States of America,

D-O-C.

Congratulations.

So it's fine that
you're teacher's pet and all,

but let's,
like, see what you can do.

You want new teeth?

Oh! Because of WAC.

The thing is, I don't think I can.
It's not even a real thing.

You think you're some kind
of special, don't you?

No, I'm serious. It's a scam.

Which, when you think about it,

we really all
should've seen coming.

(SCOFFS) Let me
tell you something, college.

They're gonna treat you nice
and they're gonna use you.

Then when you're all used up,

you ain't gonna be nothin'.

Knock it off, Pennsatucky.

You sellin' us out? For what?

Now, if it was me, I think I'd leave
the grunt work to the grunts.

Hmm.

I let the girls do this, half the
potato comes off with the peel.

Seems to me like you're just
aching to put that down for a few

and make me a sandwich.

Not particularly.

What kind?

Balogna and cheese.

No mustard.

Double the mayo.

Oh... (CHUCKLES)

This is great.

This makes me very happy.

See?

You didn't want to
do it at first, right?

But, now, I'm happy,
and it's no big deal for you.

What do you want?

I wanna be friends.

Friends who take
care of each other.

You got boxes coming in
with a little something extra.

Maybe your guy gets with my guy

and brings in
something extra for me.

No problem.

Just tell me if you want
zit cream or pantyhose.

What my guy sends, it's a little
more of a specialty item.

Since when are
pills so special?

Give you 5%.

(CHUCKLES)

What am I supposed to do with 5%?
Burn it for heat?

My commissary maxes out at $300

and I got all
the toothpaste I need.

10%, final offer.

I...

...don't do that shit!

This shit, that shit, blue shit, bat shit!
It doesn't matter what you do.

It's the doing
that makes you dirty.

Don't play games with me, Red.

You got no more moves, Mendez.

This is it, man.

There is nothing here.

You got nothing on me.

Oh, man!

Guess things just
got messy in here.

Everything's been deleted off this
phone except for these photos.

I know! People, right?

Well, where was it?
In the trash can.

Where?

I don't know, I just found it.

You know,
I appreciate that fact that

you don't wanna
snitch on anyone.

The way these inmates treat
snitches, it's ugly.

But if you can't tell me
who owns this phone,

I'm afraid I can't
help you with the track.

That is not what you said to me.
You said specifically...

I'm sorry, I don't know what you heard.
But, unless I have a name...

Enjoy the phone.

Nice work, Chapman.

I'm giving you one more minute to
pout and then I'm shaving you bald.

(LAUGHING)

Sporting a chunk
of white girl hair,

look like you took
a scalp or some shit.

Yo, yo, you need
to get you that

Michelle Obama hair, for reals.

White folks scared of Obama.

I wanna look like Mo'Nique
from Essence magazine, 2008.

Girl, please, ain't enough
relaxer in the world

for that bullshit.

Now what makes you
so sure the board is white?

Point. True.

There be brothers on the board,
I'm gonna be free at last, yo,

'cause ain't no black man
gonna let a fine black woman

such as me hide
her light in jail.

Fool, brother is gonna be harder
on you, to show he got no bias.

Shit, you better
hope for the whities.

Yo, hope for white women.

Y'all know how they love drinking
wine with their friends,

talking 'bout how sad it is, black
folks ain't got their fair shakes.

What, giving their housekeepers
a extra day off and shit.

Y'all know what I'm saying?

So you wanna look
like the black best friend

in the white girl movie?

Right. Okay, so you got Regina
King in Miss Congeniality.

You got Alicia Keys in that
Nanny Diaries bullshit

with ScarJo.
I didn't see that.

And Regina King
in Legally Blonde.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Now, you not thinking
big enough.

What?

Viola Davis.

Oh.

Eat Pray Love, motherfuckers!

I gotta live
with this hair, yo.

Do me like Rihanna.

Rihanna when? She had, like, 26
hairdos in the past two years.

2009 Rihanna, I got to spell
that shit out for you?

Look, everybody's still hatin'
on Chris Brown,

so maybe they'll throw me a
bone gettin' back at that fool.

(WOMEN AGREEING)

♪ Beat a bitch down

♪ If you're named Chris Brown

♪ Beat a bitch down ♪

(ALL LAUGHING)

The fuck is that?

Litchfield one,
pussy shutterbug zero.

You put a straw in coffee?

I just had my teeth bleached.

Where was it?

Healy found it.

Good to know someone around
here is on his game.

He "found" it?

You're buying that, no contest?

(SNORTS) What, you think Healy's
running around here like a frat boy

taking pictures of snatch?

I think we should look into it.

Seems kind of irrelevant now,
don't you think?

We both know you're
after my job, Joe.

But I'm not worried. Never have been.
Know why?

'Cause you get
mired down in pettiness

instead of
stepping your shit up.

Nice haircut, by the way.

Thanks.

Sure.

I keep feeling like I know you
from somewhere.

You didn't go to Smith,
did you?

Cabot High Wildcats?

Nope.

You know, I lived in Red Hook
for a while after college.

I used to bag
groceries at Fairway.

No way!

Oh, my God, I remember you.

You were always
forgetting your cloth bags.

And I would pack
everything in paper

and then you'd remember and get
the bags out of your purse

and make me
re-pack everything.

Oh, boy. Yeah, I guess that did
happen a couple of times, huh.

Every time. For months.
You were a pain in the ass.

Well...

Who'da thunk we'd
end up here, huh?

Anyway, I just want you to know,
that as far as I'm concerned,

you and me are the same.

Pardon?

The only
difference between us is,

when I made bad decisions in
life, I didn't get caught.

It coulda been me
here in khaki, easy.

Thank you for saying that.

You know,
it's really nice to know

that there's
somebody on our side.

Well, you know.

You know what would really help
to boost morale around here?

You know, I saw that
bitch heading on over

to Healy's office,
looking guilty as fuck.

Guess suckin' dick's a little
easier than honest hard work.

I feel sorry for her.

You're right, Leanne.
Compassion

is what we got
over the monkeys.

You know what, though?

Compassion ain't gonna help this
girl learn the way of things.

I learned, we all learned.

And that is that you have get
broken down to get raised back up.

You know, I'm with you, hon.
Really.

She's Waspy and
entitled and always

asking if you have
this in whole grain,

she's got the Bambi shtick
going on, I get all of it.

But I'm gonna need you to
shut the fuck up about her

and get over your shit.

Or what?

Or I will fuck you.

Literally.

I will sneak into your bunk
in the middle of the night

and I'll lick your pussy.

And I will do it
so good and so soft

that you're gonna be on the edge
of coming by the time you wake up,

and then I'll stop.

And you'll be half asleep
and you'll beg for it.

Oh, you will beg for it.

And maybe I'll be nice,
and maybe I won't,

but if I am nice?
The things you feel?

They will ruin you forever.

So, you know, choose.

And exhale slowly.

And float all the way down.

Halfway up,

and now roll all
the way down again,

bend at the waist,
and let the arms hang.

And continue to breathe,
and hang.

(LOUD HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, what up?

Hi.

You got a minute? My man,
Three-D, wants to chat.

You that track and
field girl, right?

Yeah.

You can't be here, yo.

Little Frank told
me to come on by.

Little Frank is not
a forward thinker.

Look around you.
What you see?

A party. People.

What kinda people?

Your crew.

My crew, we thugs.

We ain't finished school, we got
what we got until the next bust.

It look like
you're doing okay to me.

(SIGHS)

You're the real thing,
you feel me?

Everything we playin' at,
everything we holdin',

you can have it for real.

You wanna fuck that up,
that's on you.

I can't carry that.

Yo, Richie.

Make sure she gets home.

You need money for sneakers
or whatever, give me a shout.

I know where the door is.

What up, rocket girl?

(TEARFULLY)
I got booted, that's what.

Well, Three-D got his own
ideas about right and wrong,

like he Robin Hood
or something.

And who are you?

You wanna party, I'm the brother
that's not gonna stop you.

You know, 'cause you got those
thick thighs on you, girl, like...

Look good on a woman. Yeah.

I usually go running and...

Now, that dress, that's
not doin' you any favors.

Let's share.

Thank you.

Dude, $3 tip on a $67 tab?

What, is 70 your lucky number
or something? What is that?

D-bag.

(SCOFFS)

What'll you have?

(SIGHS)

This.

I'm buying you a drink.

Uh... Margarita?

Okay.

Let me ask you something.

Do I seem pathetic to you?

Before or after you
asked that question?

This is my first
time out by myself.

First time in
a long time, I mean.

And I just don't wanna
be, you know, that guy.

That guy?

That guy's worth
about $75 million.

Yeah. He writes
action movies about robots

that turn into other robots,
or something.

And he tips well.

You're doing just fine.

Cheers.

And to you.

So what's your story?

(CLEARS THROAT)
Jesus Christ.

What?

What's my story?

I'm sorry, did I piss you off?

No, you... Yes.

Yes, I'm pissed off.

Because, you're gorgeous.

Your mouth is amazing.
Your neck?

My God, your ass looks
great in those jeans.

No offense,
I'm sorry, I just...

And I feel shitty for
even looking at you.

Because I have a fiancee.

And you know what
else I can't do?

Look at her.

Because she's in
fucking prison.

Yeah, yeah, because she did
something stupid and crazy and...

(SIGHS)

...indicative of an ominously
shaky moral compass.

And as a result I am stuck
here, alone, at this bar.

Talking to you and enjoying it
and feeling like an asshole.

Polly was right.
Fuck her.

I'm gonna be in
the New York Times.

(SIGHS)

(BUTTONS BEEPING)

CAPUTO: Track is back open.
F-your-I.

Pardon me?

I'm reassigning Fischer, eight
hours a week. Her request.

Apparently,
there's some film thing

going around,
23 hours or whatever,

says how exercise saves us
bucks in the long term.

Which appeals to you, 'cause you're
chief bean-counter now, right?

Uhh...

Fig is gonna eat that shit up.

You come up with this
in a vision or something?

It was all Fischer.
Trust the woman, right?

Doesn't threaten
me to admit it,

that is one smart piece of ass.

FLORES: (SCREAMING) No, no, no, no, no!
Mi Diablo! No!

(SOBBING)

(SCREAMING)

Holy shit.

Jesus Christ, Flores.

(SOBBING)

That was the only place in this
prison I could take a shit. Fuck!

Fucking dios.

You make them wait,
it ain't gonna help.

Have a seat, Miss Jefferson.

(ALARM BLARING)

Yo. Yo, you see
that nigga face?

Yo, Islam motherfucker
got so much beard,

he ain't seen his own face
since high school.

Ain't no Islam, he a Sikh.
You racist.

(POLICE SIREN WAILING)

Hit the corner, hit the corner.

We gonna lose
'em at the corner.

Wait up, yo!
Come on!

I said, wait up.
Don't be showin' off.

Put your hands
where I can see them!

Get down on the ground.
Get down on the ground!

Okay, okay.

This don't make us even.

Okay.