Only Connect (2008–…): Season 16, Episode 4 - Puzzle Hunters v Walruses - full transcript

The fourth first-round encounter sees a team of puzzle hunters take on a trio of fans of The Beatles, which includes actress Emma Kennedy.

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Hello, dearie.

Come over 'ere.

Come over 'ere.

Come over 'ere.
I've got a quiz for you.

But I can't promise it won't leave
you scratching for a few days.

Joining me this evening are,
on my right...

..Paul Taylor, a data analyst who
can hold two pens in one hand

and write his first and last name

Ali Lloyd, a software developer who
attended a Halloween party

dressed as a pistachio nut,

and their captain, Katie Steckles,

a mass communicator whose wedding
featured a robot ring-bearer.

United by a passion for puzzles,

they are the Puzzle Hunters.

It's your first visit here, Katie,
but not your first time of trying.

Has it taken a while to get
on the show?

Yeah, I think
we've auditioned three times.

And, for various reasons,
not managed to get on,

but we're very excited to
be here now.


Oh, do you know what?

In every previous year, I've
wondered why anyone wants to come.

This year, I think it's just nice
to get out, isn't it?


Isn't it?

You will be facing this evening,
on my left...

Emma Kennedy, an actress and writer
who holds a Guinness World Record

for organising the world's
largest kazoo orchestra,

Mitch Benn, a modern languages
graduate who succeeded

Tom Hardy as a snotty dad
in a tissue advert,

and their captain, Dan Adler,

an IT consultant whose grandfather
was a Nazi hunter.

United by a love of The Beatles,

they are the Walruses.

Dan, viewers might recognise
your team-mates.

They're professional performers.

Are you an existing quiz team?
Have you quizzed together before?

Nope. No, never. No, no.

You, too, Dan, I think, have applied
to be on the programme before.

Erm... Can you explain why
it's something you'd want to do?


I think this is my third team that
I've had a go at getting on,

and I've been trying for
about six years,

so I don't know why I'm on
this time, frankly.

Well, I think having comprehensively
proved that our standards

must be lower than ever,
let's get on with the quiz.

Walruses, you won the toss
so you'll be going first.

Please, choose an Egyptian

Could we have Eye of Horus, please?

I don't see why not.

It's the music question,
straight from the off.

You'll be hearing your clues.

They have something in common,
but what is it?

The first one coming in now.


I should know this.

It's not ringing a bell there.

No, me neither.

OK. Next.

# But if he won't come back... #

Is it Ella Fitzgerald?

I don't know what it is, though.

OK. Next.

# Time has passed and I'm asking,
could this be real?

# Cos I can't sleep... #

That's Butterfly by Crazy Town.

Next. I think that may be

# I feel it when you're with me... #


It's butterflies.

That is the right answer.

What did we hear?

Oh, well, we heard Dolly Parton.

Previous to that was
Butterfly by Crazy Town.

That was Poor Butterfly at Clue 2.

The first one, Grieg - Butterfly,
from Lyric Pieces. Oh, yes.

Yes, and that third one actually,
Crazy Town,

came 34th in VH1's
Worst Songs of All Time.

Ah. So that's nice.
Which is almost...

If you come first in that, it's

almost good, in a way, isn't it?

34th Worst Ever is really

where you don't want to be.

Well done. You're off the blocks
with a point.

Puzzle Hunters, what would you like?

We'll have the Horned Viper.

OK. You will also have four

apparently random clues.

What connects them?

Here's the first.

OK, it's a sculpture.
It's in Florence.

Now, we need a connection
with the year.

The year is relevant somehow.

Shall we get another one?


So is this the years
when things happened to them?

Or vandalised them...

Oh, is... Yeah, because the...

Yeah. Shall we get another one?


96... Was that the year it
was in Ghostbusters?

No, Ghostbusters was much earlier,
wasn't it?

When it was destroyed in a film,
or something. Next.

Shall we go vandalised?

Are these the years in which these
famous things were made to

disappear by magicians?

No, but I think that's
an excellent guess.

It's exactly the kind of thing
that would happen,

but not the answer in this case.

Walruses, you've got the chance
of a bonus point.


Yeah. Were they vandalised
in those years?

They were not. No.

They were completed in

replica form in Las Vegas.


Michelangelo's David

stands at Caesar's Palace.

The Eiffel Tower at the Hotel Paris,

So if you ever thought the main

thing that's wrong with the

Bois de Boulogne is you can't

play blackjack in it, now you can.

The Statue of Liberty at
New York, New York.

And the Sphinx and Great Pyramid -
that's at the Luxor Hotel.

Do you know the depressing thing?

I went to the Luxor

a couple of years ago,

and it's no longer Egyptian themed.

But the building's still
shaped like a pyramid.

Themes kind of went out of
fashion in Las Vegas.

The classy thing now is
to have no theme.

So they got rid of - I mean,
everyone will remember

the Cleopatra's Barge nightclub -

I've sat there miserably alone

many a time. They've got rid of

all of that, but your room

still has triangular walls.

How weird. It's weird, isn't it?

No points there for
the Las Vegas replicas.

But, Walruses, you may choose
another question.

We'd like the Twisted Flax, please.

Then the Twisted Flax,
you shall have.

What is the connection
between these clues?

Here's the first.


Erm... Next.

Well, that's a... Are these
exceptions to metric measurements?

Oh, yeah.

Are these exceptions
to metric-isation?

I'm going to nominate you.
OK, let's go for it.

I'm going to nominate Mitch.

Are these permitted exceptions
to metric measurements?

I'm afraid that is not the answer.

So I'm going to show the next

two clues to the Puzzle Hunters

for a possible bonus point.

Are they things which aren't
actually the length specified,

like a plane doesn't actually
fly a mile high

and a foot long isn't actually
exactly a foot long?

That's exactly what it is.

They're misleading measurements,

but there's no sort of

official exception there.

Yes, the Mile High Club,

a plane is actually 30,000 feet

off the ground rather than a mile.

I mean, right now it would

seem outrageous enough

to be on a plane at all, never mind

getting up to anything else!

How long is a Subway Footlong,
do you think?

They're about a foot,
it's maybe a bit shorter?

Someone took a picture of

one of these sandwiches

and it was only 11 inches long.

A class action lawsuit was filed

to say that it had to be 12 inches.

But, of course, Subway

couldn't guarantee the uniformity

because of the baking process.

How long's the Royal Mile?

I think it's more than a mile.

It is 1.13 miles long. Right.

1.13 miles was actually

a Scottish mile, that's why

it's that length, but it's

an obsolete term now.

That's why it's misleading.

How many of you have stood

on the Royal Mile handing out

flyers for something? I mean, too
many years. That's where I should be

right now. Too many years?
Too many years!

Not this year. Many would say

a blessing. Exactly, yes.

1.13 miles. And a miner's inch,

it's not actually a length,

it's a measurement of water flow.

So they're misleading measurements.

Well done, you get the bonus.

What question would
you like for yourself?

Eh, we'll take the Water question,
please. The Water question.

These are going to be picture clues.
What connects them?

Here's the first.

OK, that's a sort of cheese. Yeah.

Erm... Are they all going to be...?

OK, let's get another one. Next.

That's.. Is that Rick Astley?

Ricotta. Ricotta.
So they are cheeses. Yeah.


Eh, these are all rebuses
of types of cheese.

So kind of picture clues that spell
out the names of types of cheese.

That is definitely what they are.

You threw me with your technical

quiz word! Rebuses?

Yes, it's a type of puzzle. Oh!

Well, fine. I'll take rebuses.
Let's bring them all up.

I'm actually glad in a way

because they're sort of homonyms,

but if you say they're homonyms,

people write in.

So, for example, who are you
looking at in clue two?

That's Rick Astley and an otter.

So it's ricotta.

Well, exactly, ricotta.

But if you're in Northern Ireland,
that's not how you say ricotta.

So I'll try and remember to call it
rebus in future.

What else are we looking at?
We've got Roquefort.

Hm-mm. Who's that, The Rock,
is that? Yes, The Rock

and Channel 4.

And then Red Leicester, cos that's
Adrian Lester. Exactly so.

And the first one pan, ear, paneer,

fresh cheese commonly found in

dishes from the Indian subcontinent.

Very well done. All rebuses.

You know, we knew that, didn't we,

we knew it was rebuses?! We did!

Back to you, Walruses, for a choice.
Lion, please. Lion, OK.

What is the connection between
these clues? Here's the first.

Oh! Is this something to do
with Dawn French?

Try next. Next.

That's Iggy Pop.

That's Iggy Pop.

Oh, maybe it's their real names.

It could just be the real names
of rock stars.


Dame Lesley Lawson, nee Hornby?
Yeah, that's Twiggy.

It's the real names of pop stars.

Iggy. Iggy, yes, Iggy.
It's the real names of pop stars,

or of people who end in Iggy.

I will take it.

They're not all pop stars,

but, yes, people whose names end
in Iggy. Yes! Yeah.

Who are we talking about?

Well, James Osterberg is Iggy Pop.

Lesley Lawson is Twiggy.
And, eh, that's Tiggy.

Tiggy Legge-Bourke.
And I don't know the first one.

That is one of Britain's
leading eventers,

the horsewoman Piggy French.

Oh. Oh.

Very well done. All 'iggy people.

Last question of the round goes to

you, Puzzle Hunters, the Two Reeds.

What is the connection between
these clues? Here's the first.

OK, that's a letter of the alphabet.

Shall we get another? Next.

J, George...

Oh, JRR Tolkien,
George RR Martin. Yeah.

Their first... The first names
of authors with three initials?

With RR...
With RR in the middle. Yeah.

OK. Yeah?

These are the first parts
of the names of people

with RR in the middle.

Who are you thinking of?

J...JRR Tolkien
and George RR Martin.

Very good, but, unfortunately,

it all falls down when you look

at the next clues. I'm so sorry.

I do like a gamble.

We've talked about Las Vegas

already, I liked your gambling,

but your alternative answer would

have to work for all four clues,

and it doesn't. So let's bring up
all four clues,

and, Walruses, you've got

the chance of a bonus point.

Are they...?
Yes, they're dogs. They're dogs.

They're fictional dogs. Fictional
dogs. George is Famous Five...

I'm afraid that's not the answer.

Why do you say they're fictional

Well, George is famous five...

No! No, George is... No, Timmy is...

George is actually the owner of
the dog. It's all falling down.

It's's all gone...

Which one of these do you think

is a dog, apart from George?

Montmorency. Montmorency.

Montmorency is a dog. Yeah.

From what? It's Two Men In A Boat,

isn't it? Three Men In A Boat.

And who do you think the men are?

Oh. Oh, they're all
the people in the boat.

The men are J, George and Harris.

Yeah, they're all the people
in the boat.

These are the characters from

Jerome K Jerome's
Three Men In A Boat.

J, or Jerome, the narrator.

Three Men In A Boat (To Say
Nothing Of The Dog). Montmorency.

Who can tell me the name of the
sequel to Three Men In A Boat?

Three Men In A Bummel.
Three Men On The Bummel.

Wonderful for charades at Christmas,
you know,

when you've got the grandparents

Three Men On The Bummel, you

can have a really fun afternoon.

Yes, the sequel, but the
best-known one,

Three Men In A Boat
(To Say Nothing Of The Dog).

That means at the end of Round One,

the Walruses have three points,

the Puzzle Hunters have four.

Round Two is the Sequences Round.

The teams may see up to three clues
before telling me what comes fourth.

Of course, if they need
fewer than three clues,

they'll get more points.

Walruses, you're going first again.

Which hieroglyph would you like?

Can we have the Horned Viper,
please? I don't see why not.

What would come fourth in this
sequence? Here's the first.

Fourth, Animal Kingdom...

Could be all sorts.


Third, Hollywood Studios...
I've got absolutely nothing.

Um... MGM... Say some Hollywood

Fox... 20th Century Fox...
What others...?

Next, please.

Second, Epcot.

Is this...? Oh, is it Disneyland?

Yeah, it's Disneyland.

First: Disneyland.

I'm afraid that's

not the right answer.

So, Puzzle Hunters,

a bonus chance for you.

Is it first: Magic Kingdom?

First: Magic Kingdom,

that's absolutely right.

And why is that?

These are regions within Disneyland,

in the order that they were built.

But not Disneyland.

Disney World. World. World.

Because Disneyland is a much
smaller one in California.

These are the parks at
Disney World by opening date.

So Animal Kingdom,

Hollywood Studios, then Epcot,

the Epcot Centre,
and then Magic Kingdom.

If you'd said Disney World,

I might have taken it,
because philosophically...

Oh, you tease! You tease! I'm sorry!

But Disneyland is not correct.

Well done, Puzzle Hunters.

You get the bonus,

and what question would you like?

The Two Reeds, please.
Two Reeds. OK.

What would come fourth in this
sequence? Here's the first.

OK. That's the middle of some word.

Like, aplomb, without the A and B.
Yeah, A and B. So maybe...

Let's see what happens. Next.

Yeah, C and D, so we need a word

OK. G, H? That would make...garish?

So, A-R-I-S. Yeah? Yeah.

Um, A-R-I-S.

For what reason?

Because these are words
where you've taken off,

in the first clue, an A from the
front and a B from the end,

and in the second clue, a C from
the front and a D from the end.

The third one would be
something with E and an F,

and "aris" is the middle
of the word garish.

You would make aplomb, coaxed,

our third clue was armuf,
for earmuff,

and we went with rouc for grouch.

I mean, it's troubling,

cos I give a lot of
thought to my wardrobe.

Quite why the word garish

came into your head,

I mean, quite an obscure choice

you've made.

But that's absolutely right,
we've taken off AB, CD, EF, and GH.

Shall we see if we can do it
with the whole alphabet?

Let's go backwards. YZ.

Can you make a word with that
at the beginning and end, anybody?


As in, Yazz and the Plastic
Population? Yes.

Lovely. We went with yottahertz.
It's a unit of frequency.


Wax. Wax.

A, yes.


UV. There isn't one.

You could have sit,
quarter for QR.

OP, can you do one with OP?

Oh... No.

Ownership would be an example,
for OP. Oh, nice.

MN, Moon. What about KL?

Kill. Kill. Kill.

Kill, lovely. Or krill, maybe nicer.

And IJ?

There isn't one.

You can't do it with IJ or UV.

Well done, well spotted.

You solved the word puzzle.

Walruses, what would you like next?

We'll have Lion, please. OK.

What would come fourth in this
sequence? Here's the first.

Could be all sorts of things.

It could be anything. Next.

Parr. Oh. What?

I'm just wondering if it's...'s fish babies.

Fish babies? Fry, Parr...

But I don't know what
the sequence is. Next.

Smolt is... What is it, salmon?
What's a salmon baby?

It's a salmon. Yeah.


The answer is salmon,
and why, what's the sequence?

They are the stages of
development for a salmon.

That's it, it's the life cycle.

Fry, then it's a parr,
then it's a smolt,

and finally, a fully fledged salmon.

And then fillet.

Hello, vegans!

Shall I tell you a joke about a
salmon? Yes, please. Thank you.

A man goes into a fishmongers

with a salmon under his arm.

He says, "Do you do fishcakes?"

The fishmonger says,
"Of course, sir." The man says,

"Oh, good, it's his birthday!

That's a nicer joke,

isn't it, vegans? That's nice.

Very well done.

Salmon would be the answer.

Back to you, Puzzle Hunters,
for a choice.

The Eye of Horus, please.
The Eye of Horus.

OK. What would come fourth
in this sequence?

Here's the first.

OK. That's Beyonce. Next.

It's not, like,
Super Bowl shows, or...? No.

Could be top...

In order of doing the most
of something. Get the next.

Get another one. Next.

So Gorillaz and Blur.

What would he have done?

Could be...

I don't know.

That would be Blur and Gorillaz.

Let's just go for... Three seconds.

I don't know.


Four: Madonna.

Not the answer, I'm afraid.

Walruses, do you know?

We're going to go with

four: Coldplay.

Oh, I said nobody could get this!

I said nobody could get this,

but the answer is Coldplay.

Why? It's something to do
with Glastonbury.

I mean, Damon Albarn's the only
person ever to headline Glastonbury

with two different bands,

and he did it, as I recall,

in consecutive years.

It is absolutely, it's Glastonbury.

It's the number of times
these artists

have headlined the Pyramid Stage.

So once for Beyonce,

obviously there's many people,

but we've chosen Beyonce.

The Artic Monkeys,

Damon Albarn is the only person
to do that with two different acts,

and Coldplay have headlined

at Glastonbury four times.

Well done, guys.

The first Glastonbury was in 1970.

Who do you think headlined that?

It was T-Rex, wasn't it?

It was T Rex. And how much

do you think it cost to go?

£1, and you got a pint of milk.

It was £1 and you got free milk.

Good Glastonbury knowledge.

What would you like for
your own question?

We'll go for Water
this time, please.

OK. What would come fourth
in this sequence?

Here's the first.

Oh, um...

"Those girls can flirt and..."

Say next. Say next, cos...
Do you want to say next,

see which way it goes?
Yeah. Yeah.


Yeah. "Those girls..."

Talc. Is the right answer.

Well done, well done.

Let's bring them all up.
And why is it talc?

It's the Mohs scale, nought
to... One to four.

Or rather, four to one.

Four to one, yeah.

Because talc, to make talcum powder,

would be the softest

of the Mohs scale of hardness
for minerals.

And it's quite an arbitrary scale,

it's not linear. Yeah.

But it arrives at one, talc.
Well done, well quizzed. Well done.

Back to you, Puzzle Hunters,

for the last question of the round.

And these are going to be picture

Please describe to me what you'd
expect to see in the fourth picture.

Here's the first.



Oh, W is up in WASD,

so it could be up, down, left,

Yeah, we'll maybe get the
next one, to see... Next.

Yeah, so...
Yeah, that's W-A-S-D.

Yeah, so it'll be D,
and a regular Pac-Man... D, yeah.

D and a picture of Pac-Man
facing to the right.

Is the right answer.
And why is that?

These are the four arrow keys,
positioned on a keyboard,

in an arrangement that are
kind of up, down, left and right

that are often used for
computer games on a PC keyboard.

That's right.

It's the buttons to control

the movement in a computer game.

We've used Pac-Man as an example,

but many computer games,

and we're going anticlockwise
towards D,

which would help you to go right.

Well done. That means,

at the end of Round Two,

the Walruses have nine points,

the Puzzle Hunters have 11.

Time now for the Connecting Wall,
and, Puzzle Hunters,

you'll be going first this time.

So please chose, Lion or Water.

Water, please.

OK. You have two and a half minutes
to solve the Water Wall,

starting now.

OK, we've got racecourses.

Aintree, Newmarket, Epsom Downs...

Wetherby? Wetherby.

Not that.

There are, like, female assassins.

Villanelle from Killing Eve. Yeah.

Nikita... Yeah.

Um... Maybe O-Ren.

Miho? Yeah.

Arya from Game Of Thrones.


Haiku is a type of poem,
Limerick, Ode... Yeah.



Maybe... Oh, Villanelle, I think.,
Oh, of course, yeah.


Right. Three strikes now,
you've got plenty of time.

So... Oh, sausages. Saveloy and
Merguez are both sausages, yeah.

So what's the other sausage?


And then Limerick could
be a sausage, like a... an Irish one. That feels
like a racecourse to me, somehow.

It sounds like a racecourse, yeah,
but is Wetherby a sausage?

I think we already...
Didn't we already try

Epsom Downs, Aintree,
Newmarket, Wetherby?

Yes, we did. So... So Boudin and
Wetherby for the sausages?




Could Newmarket be a sausage?

Could be. Could be.

Like that?

With Wetherby? Yeah.

You've solved the wall,
very well done.

So that's four points immediately.
And what about the connections?

Nikita and so on?

So we think these are
female assassins.

They are fictional female assassins.

And the next group,
Sonnet, Haiku, and so on?

They're all types of poetry.
They are.

Villanelle, of course,
the red herring for the assassins.

It's a sort of Italian rustic song.

And the next group, Epsom Downs,
Aintree, Limerick and Wetherby?

Are racecourses.

They are all racecourses.

And the last group, Boudin,
Newmarket, Merguez and Saveloy?

Are types of sausage.
They are the sausages.

So that's four more points
for the connections and a bonus

for getting it all correct, it's
the maximum of ten. Very well done.

Let's bring in their opponents now,
the Walruses,

and give them the Lion Wall,
see how they get on with it.

You've got two and half minutes
to solve your wall, starting now.

OK, I'm seeing gods...
OK, I'm seeing comedy tigers,

there's Tigger, there's Hobbes...
..Shiva, Vishnu,

Kali, Brahma.
I'm seeing comedy tigers.

There is Tigger, there is Hobbes,
there is Tony.

Richard Parker is a tiger,
as well. Is he? OK.

I'm looking at the other ones.

Hobbes is also a philosopher.

We've definitely got Hindi...
Hindi gods.

I think it's Hindi, anyway.


Gino. Um...

Where are we up to? We've got...

We've got the gods, nice one, OK.

So shall we do the tigers now?

Friday On My Mind, Georgia On
My Mind. Yes! Friday On My Mind,

Georgia On My Mind,

Money On My Mind...
Always On My Mind.

Always On My Mind. Well done.

Three strikes now. Buzz with care.

So the tigers are Richard Parker...
No, we tried Tony, Tigger,

Hobbes and Richard Parker,
that wasn't it. Yeah.

Right, so try and see
what the others are.

It could be...

Shiva, well, Shiva sounds
like it's probably tiger.

That's worth a go, isn't it?
Yeah, but we've got five tigers.

So try and work out what the
other group is.

All right, so Carol...
Gino, Kian, Carol.

Carol, the only person I can think
of for Gino is the chef on TV. OK.

Oh, I wonder if they're
presenters of some sort.

Tony, Gino, Carol and Kian.

Try that. Try Tony, Gino, Carol
and Kian, and the others are tigers.

Yes! You've solved the wall!

Very well done.
So what about the connecting points?

Tell me about the first group,
Vishnu and so on.

They're Hindu gods.

They are Hindu deities, quite right.

And the next group,
Always, Georgia and so on?

On my mind. All songs
that are something "On My Mind."

Next group, Gino, Kian and so on?

The only one I'm worried about
is Carol... I can't...

TV chefs? I'm afraid not.

Because they are Kian Egan
from Westlife... Oh.

..Carol Thatcher, Tony Blackburn

and the chef is Gino D'Acampo.

It's I'm A Celebrity.
I'm A Celebrity contestants.

I'm A Celebrity winners.

That's absolutely right.

Oh, winners, yes. Yeah.

Do you count as a TV chef, Emma,
these days?

No, absolutely not.

You won MasterChef.
I did win MasterChef,

but that was a complete fluke.

That was just me
being absolute swotsy girl,

just knuckling down and doing the
job properly. That's all that was.

It was no sort of
inherent amazing talent.

Don't knock it, it worked!

Something we very much approve
of here, I can tell you.

And the last group, Shiva,

Richard Parker, Tigger, Hobbes?

They are all tigers.

I heard you saying, "Comedy tigers".

Richard Parker is from Life Of Pi.

Yeah. I mean, literally,

when that ended,

I was howling with grief. Me, too.

Literally howling with grief.

So you found all four groups
and you gave me three connections,

that's a total of seven points.

Let's have a look
at the overall scores.

The Walruses have 16 points,
the Puzzle Hunters have 21.

And, if you think this looks easy,

why not go to the website... find out how you could

take part in the next series.

Onto Round Four,
the Missing Vowels Round.

You know, you can lose points
here as well as win them,

so buzz with care.

Fingers on the buzzers, teams.

I can tell you that the first group
of disguised clues are all...

Walruses. Oh...

I'm afraid you lose a point.

Puzzle Hunters, do you know?

Brooklyn and Manhattan.

Across the East River, correct.


Kinshasa and Brazzaville. Correct.

Hunters? Sussex and Kent.

I'm afraid not, you lose a point.

Walruses, do you know?

Essex and Kent.
Yes, you're missing an S.

It's Essex and Kent. Next clue.

Puzzle Hunters. France and Germany.

That's correct. Next category,

they could all go before Trump.

Puzzle Hunters. Donald J. Correct.

Hunters. Judd.

The snooker player.


One no. One no trump,
very well done.

Walruses? Trumpety trump,
trump, trump.

Correct, from Nellie the Elephant.

Next category.

They can all be called bogey.

Puzzle Hunters.

One over par in golf. Well done.

Puzzle Hunters. Nasal mucus.

No, thank you, I'm not hungry.

Puzzle Hunters. Enemy aircraft.


Walruses. Humphrey Bogart.

Of course.


Coming in as the bell rings,

that takes the Walruses
to 19 points,

the Puzzle Hunters have 28. Wow.

That is a quite incredible score,
very well done.

You are straight through
to the next round.

Walruses, you're also obviously
brilliant quizzers.

You'll get another chance to
win through to the next round

later in the competition.

Thank you very much for playing.
And, before we go,

we've had a letter -
well, the BBC's had a letter,

but they've passed it on to us -
from a Jack Sutherland.

He writes, "Dear BBC,
I watched this quiz last week

"and was utterly bewildered
that the questions

"weren't all about football
and cricket and athletics.

"The contestants,
never heard of any of them.

"My favourite round,
"What Happened Next?", gone.

And worst of all,
Victoria Coren Mitchell

has taken over from the
excellent Sue Barker?

Oh, hang on, my wife has just
pointed out

that I thought
it was A Question Of Sport.

It rather begs the question,

why, once I've realised this,

I would still post this
letter to you anyway.

I guess you need a slightly
weird ending to the show.

Yours, Jack Sutherland.

So thanks very much for that, Jack,
if you're watching. Goodbye.