One Tree Hill (2003–2012): Season 3, Episode 7 - Champagne for My Real Friends, Real Pain for My Sham Friends - full transcript

Previously on "One Tree Hill"...

I'm here to talk about Haley and her music,

not Haley and me.

They're the same thing.

I think you're just a lying junkie who probably doesn't even have cancer.

Just get out, Ellie.

Okay.

You're gonna need a bigger sign.

Here's how the fantasy-boy draft works.

Once you pick a guy, he is yours for the season,

which means he's off the market, and no one else can touch him.



Got it, Bevin?

P. Sawyer, you've got the first pick, and you are on the clock.

Mouth McFadden.

I pick Chris Keller. Ha.

Chris Keller goes to Brooke!

Bevin, you're next.

- Uh, actually...
- There's been a trade.

What?

And I pick Lucas.

- Lucas Scott to Rachel.
- But she can't --

- I pick Nathan.
- Nathan Scott to Haley.

Wait!

- I get Skills.
- Skills to Bevin.

Wait!



This is awesome. We all got who we wanted.

Great idea, Brooke.

Morning, baby.

Morning, baby.

Bad dream?

How bad was it?

I dreamt that Lucas was in bed with Chris Keller.

Oh. That's pretty bad.

So, you want to make out?

Yeah. Okay. Sure.

Oh, hey, what did Lucas say about you not picking him for the draft?

Not much.

Mostly 'cause I haven't told him yet. You didn't say anything, did you?

No, I haven't said a word.

Okay, good.

Ooh! Did I mention that my designs were a total hit

with the corporate big stuffs over at Suburban Filth?

They might pick them up for a fashion line.

Oh, my god, Brooke. That's incredible. You must be so happy...

or not.

What is she doing talking to that troll?

By "troll," do you mean Peyton?

Hi, backstabbing supposed-to-be best friend and all.

Hi, forgot-to-say-good-morning, sneery grouch-a-lot.

I am out of here, overpossessive best friends with weird lesbian energy.

And Haley.

Play us or trade us.

What are you babbling about?

The boy draft.

We know all you girls got together and drafted us to be your little love dolls,

so we just want to know the results.

It was a fantasy draft, Dim.

You know, like the fantasies you have about Nathan -- not real.

What'd you have in mind?

Dates. Tonight. You pay.

- Look --
- Okay, sounds good.

Sweet.

I'm gonna go get Skills.

So, who picked me?

Come on.

Who wants some Tim?

Is it you, Brooke?

You didn't even get drafted, you little...

Tim.

Hey. Are you okay with this?

Yeah. Sure. Why not? I mean, it's a group thing, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Okay.

Um, you want to come by at like 8:00?

Okay.

Okay.

Hey, Brooke.

Hey, look who it is.

So, what time should I be ready?

Um...

you know, it's the craziest thing.

I sort of got mixed up and didn't pick you.

What?

It was all Rachel's fault. She tricked me.

So, let me get this straight.

You could have picked me, but you didn't?

It just sort of happened wrong.

She picked Chris Keller,

and I picked you.

Well, at least somebody wanted me.

No.

Hey, boyfriend.

Looks like we're supposed to go on a date tonight.

I know you were just doing me a favor when you drafted me, Peyton.

But there's something I have to do tonight.

You're a tough guy to ask out, Mouth.

Well, you could come if you want.

It's just kind of uncool.

Okay, trust me, I've had enough supposedly cool nights.

Uncool sounds great.

Okay. Uncool it is.

I can't believe I didn't even get drafted.

So, Dan put up another campaign billboard over the highway just outside of town.

Yeah, I know. I saw.

But if he's gonna buy the election, there's really nothing I can do about it.

Actually, there is.

Have I ever told you how ridiculous Dan looks with a moustache?

What do you think?

The same thing I thought 10 seconds ago -- you look great.

Okay, well, I'm sorry if I'm a little nervous.

I just have the perfect evening planned for Nathan and me.

I cannot believe you're not going on your date, by the way.

Why should I?

Hmm. I don't know. You can pick between this whole thing was your idea

or because you physically threatened every person that didn't follow the rules.

Oh, shoot. That's Nathan. I'm not ready. Where are my shoes?!

On your feet.

Relax. I'll get it.

To finish our conversation --

I would rather tongue kiss a pus-infected sore than ever go out with Chris --

Well, well.

My date's already dressed for bed.

Looks like someone's a little horny for some Chris Keller.

Hey, Rachel, come on in.

Thanks.

You ready?

Uh, actually, if it's cool with you, I was gonna go see Brooke.

Luke...

you know I was messing with Brooke when I drafted you, right?

And anyway, doesn't she have a date with Chris Keller?

No. She wouldn't do that.

I don't know.

I've seen the guy.

He's kind of fine.

Yeah. He's kind of a jerk, too.

Interesting... and definitely my type.

Well, I was gonna say we could get a workout in at the river court,

but instead, let's go to Brooke's house, and I'll officially trade you.

You'd do that?

You'd trade me?

Yeah. Why not?

I can't torture Brooke forever.

Well, I could, but where's the fun in that?

Come on.

Look, whatever you heard, you heard wrong.

So, you're not into me?

No!

Wait, so you and Haley aren't going on dates.

No.

Oh, hey...

Nate. Here for your date?

Yeah. What's it to you?

Haley!

Your boyfriends are here.

Hi.

- Wow. You look so...
- Overdressed.

So, you girls ready?

I'm not going anywhere with you.

Fine by me. I'm good staying in.

Well, we're going out. Let me just get my purse.

Actually, um, maybe Brooke's right.

I mean, if she's not gonna follow through with this, what are the odds anyone else is?

Could you just, um... just one second.

Ow.

That hurts.

Okay, listen, sister, I joined cheerleading, and I stayed in this stupid draft because of who?

You.

I am this close to getting an actual date with Nathan, so if you don't suck it up

and go out with Chris Keller, the only pus-infected sores

you're gonna be licking are your own when I get through with you.

Okay, great. We're going.

Well.

Yeah. Brooke's definitely staying home tonight.

It's Chris Keller, right?

How about we get some beer before that workout?

Now you're talking.

Let's go.

First-round draft pick reporting for duty.

Hey, Skills. Come on in.

Oh, yeah.

This'll do.

My parents are out of town for the night.

So I was thinking we'd stay in and watch a movie,

maybe have a couple drinks.

Is that okay?

Okay?

It's better than okay, ma.

This is perfect.

Thanks.

So, anyways, I was thinking we could watch "The Notebook."

How about I just watch you, and you can watch whatever it's called.

"The Notebook."

Oh, my god. You haven't seen it? It's only, like, the best movie ever.

Trust me.

A'ight. Whatever you say, Devin.

Bevin.

Yeah. Yeah, that, too.

I've got to hand it to you, Mouth. I've been on some kinky dates before,

but no one has ever brought me to an old folks' home.

You've been on kinky dates?

Okay. Not the point. What are we doing here?

This is the thing I had to do.

I come once a week, and I read to Mel.

Wait. Who's Mel?

All right. I'll just, uh...

First time I met Ron, when he asked me...

Hey, Mel.

Oh, hi, Joe.

No, it's me -- Marvin, Mouth.

Oh, sure. Mouse. Come in!

I brought you the sports page.

Well, what do we have here?

Um, we have a Peyton. Hi.

Peyton. That's a pretty name.

Well, you're not so bad yourself.

Come in. Sit down. Sit down.

Thank you. You've got a really great place here.

Oh, not really. It smells like old people.

Take a look at this.

Did I ever tell you that I used to race cars?

Well... you were a handsome devil.

They called me Fireball.

I was kind of fast with the ladies.

I've got some more pictures around here somewhere.

Okay.

All right.

I have an idea.

Let's spring him.

What?

Just for the night. This place is depressing, Mouth.

Peyton, we can't.

Hey, Fireball.

How would you like to do a little driving with us tonight?

Oh, young lady, I'd rob a bank for you if you asked me nicely.

Come on, Mouth. It's just a couple hours. What harm could it do?

I don't know, Peyton. A lot.

Joey, if you blow this for me, I'm gonna beat you to death with this helmet, okay?

Okay. Let's go.

Ladies first.

Am I the only one that doesn't get the whole beach thing?

It's the beach. What is there to get?

Yeah, but it's such a big tease.

I mean, think about it. Girls strip down.

Sometimes they go topless, but never nude.

You can't touch them. It's like a strip club. Hey, baby.

So, um, so, what are we doing here anyway?

This is where we got married.

I thought we'd be alone.

You guys got married here?

It wasn't exactly here. It was just over this ridge.

It's so beautiful.

I'm telling you. It's completely untouched. It's like...

paradise.

It's gone.

Paradise gone.

Seems appropriate.

There were all these little purple wildflowers and trees.

It's okay. Come on.

Let's just go to the mall.

Ready?

Deb, I don't think we should. What if we get caught?

Karen, quit being so responsible.

I can't help it. That's who I am.

Oh, well, not according to Dan's campaign commercial.

You know, the one that makes you look psychotic?

Besides, it's harmless fun.

We'll paint a moustache on him, some black teeth.

You said you wanted to do this.

Yeah.

That's when I was stuck in construction traffic staring at his fat face.

Now I'm chicken.

Fine, but I'm going up,

and tomorrow when you're stuck in traffic, you're gonna wish you'd joined me.

Fine.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

I can't believe she's doing this.

So, she's on a date with Chris.

It doesn't mean anything.

No, it does.

This guy's caused a lot of trouble. Brooke knows that.

Okay, so, what is the deal with you and Brooke anyway?

She's just not ready to commit.

Right.

That's usually what I tell guys I'm not really into.

And she wants to make sure I'm serious about her. You know, plus --

Plus what?

She's the one.

Why?

She just is.

I feel it.

Pascal says, "the heart has reasons that reason cannot know."

What did Pascal say about Chris Keller?

Sorry. Cheap shot.

Okay, here's the game.

You miss a shot, and you drink.

You make a shot...

I drink.

Okay, this was a bad idea.

This was a bad idea.

Oh, quit complaining and grow a pair.

You ready, Mel?

That's fireball to you, Trixie.

Here we go!

You want some of this?

Mel, be careful.

Hey!

Are you gonna watch the movie?

I would, but I can't stop watching you.

Okay, here.

There's more of that if you watch the movie.

Okay.

Let's watch this damn movie, then.

All right. Go ahead. Hurry up.

Go do it, and let's get out of here.

- Go. Go. Go.
- Okay.

Um, okay, you do it.

No. You said you would do it.

Okay.

You do the moustache. Go.

Not exactly the magical night you had planned?

No. I wouldn't say that -- crowded mall and Nathan ignoring me,

Chris Keller stealing change out of the fountain.

My night with Nathan was supposed to be a dream come true, not this nightmare.

Well, keep the dream alive, sister.

I'll talk to Nathan.

Okay, 2-part question, Nate --

"A" -- why the hell haven't you beaten the stuffing out of Chris Keller yet so I can go home?

And "B" -- if you were just gonna ignore Haley all night, why did you come?

Haley still loves you.

All you have to do is take her back.

Right. Kind of like with you and Lucas.

You see, it's not so easy getting back in the ring,

especially with the one that knocked you out in the first place.

Well, well, Haley James.

What'd you wish for?

That Nathan would bludge on you.

Brooke and I were actually kind of wondering why he hasn't already.

Maybe he's afraid of me.

Or... or maybe he doesn't care anymore.

Let's find out.

Hey. Stop it.

Come on. Either he gets jealous or me, you, and Brooke have a threesome.

Either way, it's win-win for you.

Chris, seriously, don't.

What the hell is this?

Oh, well, good news for you. Bad news for me.

I told him not to.

You better back off, Keller.

Hey, I just thought someone should be nice to her tonight.

Oh yeah ?

Haley, what are you doing? Are you crazy?

Nathan is vulnerable, and you were practically giving the enemy a lap dance.

I didn't do anything!

You mean besides kiss Chris and run away with him?

You know, I'm out of here.

This whole thing has gotten way beyond the point of bizarro!

Oh, you mean bizarro like messing with Lucas

and then hiding all those letters under your bed?

Hey, check it out -- catfight.

What were you doing snooping through my things?!

I wasn't snooping through your things.

I bumped into them when I was trying to maximize on the 2 feet of storage space

that you so generously offered to me.

Oh, you know what? I'm done.

Brooke, wait.

There is no way that you get to waltz out of here

when this whole stupid night was your idea.

- Brooke, don't go.
- Come here, Keller.

- I am not through with you.
- Well, I'm through with you.

The night's still young.

The night's gonna be over if you touch Haley again.

Oh, my god.

What?

My clothes.

Have you not spent enough rent money for tonight, Brooke?

No. These are my designs, my sketches.

They told me draw up some things. They said they liked them, but I guess --

I just never dreamed...

You guys, I'm in the window.

Okay, how cool is this?

Now we have to celebrate,right?

No doubt about it.

We're stuck.

Well, he's probably gonna ground me, but I'll call Lucas on the phone...

...which I left next to yours in the car.

Oh, no!

Help!

- Deb, Deb!
- Help!

Deb, you cannot do that.

Why not? We're stuck.

Because we're gonna look like a couple of jackholes,

and Dan will win the election for sure.

Besides, they've closed the highway at night because of the construction,

so no one's gonna hear you.

I'm sorry, Karen.

This is my fault.

No, look...

I wanted to come.

No, I mean all of it.

I never should have agreed to stay with Dan during this race.

I just -- I wanted so badly to believe that he'd actually leave Nathan alone,

even though I know it's probably a lie.

Gotta get out of that house, Deb.

I know.

Guess I'm just afraid to be on my own.

I've always been that way.

You're not gonna be alone, Deb.

You're gonna be independent,

and although you might not see it in yourself, I see that strength in you every day.

Thanks.

Stupid ladder.

Okay, I've got an idea. Come on.

We're getting down.

How?

Take off your clothes.

You're a good guy, Mouth.

It's really nice of you to spend time with Mel.

It says a lot about you.

I bet you're gonna have it all some day.

Yeah, I'm thinking of running for senator.

I got the idea from Brooke, sort of.

Well, Fireball's on a tear.

I bet this is a nigh the won't forget for a while.

Actually, he probably won't remember it.

Mel has alzheimer's disease, Peyton.

He's forgotten huge parts of his life.

He was married for 50 years, but he doesn't remember it.

His mind just opened up over time and everything slipped away --

the woman he loved, the house he lived in...

His youth.

We should probably take him back.

Wait, he's building that house, and he don't even know if she coming back?

Wait, wait, wait.

I'm gonna get a drink.

Yeah, you write those letters, dog.

Write them.

So, what about the letters to Lucas?

Are we talking about me or celebrating me?

Oh, no, we are definitely celebrating you.

To your sketches.

We already drank to that like 20 times.

No, we drank to your designs like 20 times.

Then we drank to your clothes.

Now we're drinking to your sketches.

In the window -- totally yours.

To my sketches.

Any meteors up there?

That was a great night. Remember that?

Watching the meteor shower together.

You look nice tonight, Haley.

Thanks.

I just wish we could have spent some more time together without all this.

Chris and Brooke?

I mean the beach, this balcony.

I haven't forgotten about our past, Haley.

I know where we got married.

I know this is where we made love in the rain.

I still feel our past, just like you do.

I just thought it might be nice to hang out in the present for a night.

What are you thinking?

Nothing.

Just praying for rain.

Well, that's the last of it.

Nice shooting, Tex.

So, are we gonna call it a night?

Or we could play a new game.

How about strip basketball?

You know, I always figured if I met the devil, that she'd be hot and holding a basketball.

But I'm gonna pass.

Because of Brooke...

who's on a date?

Okay.

Take your shirt off.

Rachel.

I'm not gonna touch you, you sissy virgin boy.

I'm trying to make a point. Take your shirt off.

All right, you say Brooke's the one...

your soul mate.

Well, if that's the case,

call upon destiny or providence

or whatever forces are gonna bring you two together

and make the shot...

blindfolded.

This is ridiculous.

Come on. It's your destiny.

You can't miss.

Okay. Can you see me?

No.

Okay. I trust you.

Now follow my voice.

If Brooke's the one, make the shot.

What happened?

It went in.

Nice shot.

Make it, take it.

Get yourself dressed, Rachel.

Okay, that's the second time this month you've said that to me.

You're gonna give me a complex.

Come on. Why sell yourself short like this, huh?

You guys are unbelievable.

We don't give it up, you pressure us.

We do give it up, and we have self-image problems or we're sluts.

You know, at my last school, we had names for guys like you, Luke --

"gay."

I mean, non-exclusive dating is a dream come true for most boys,

so what's with the dorks of Tree Hill?

Every guy is tragically hung up on somebody.

It makes it kind of hard for a girl.

Not if she's the girl.

Lucas is the one for me.

Actually, my name is Chris.

No, don't be like that. Come on. Let's have another beer.

To your sketches.

That's a nice try, but you can go now.

Fair enough. It's late.

I'm attractive. It scares you.

Let me use the restroom.

You know, I envy you, Brooke.

Having found someone to trust and confide in like Lucas,

someone that won't take advantage of it.

Sort of like Haley found Nathan.

I'm sure it'll work out for them, too.

I just wanted you to know that I don't blame you for any of this.

You didn't want to get married.

Wa-wa-wait a second. Of course I did.

I was just scared.

Yeah, and I promised you everything would be okay.

I shouldn't have.

I think about it a lot, you know --

how this isn't the life you would have had if I hadn't come along.

It's not the life you should have had.

- It's more.
- No, it's not.

You'd still have your music. You'd be on tour. You'd probably be a big star by now.

Come on. You're...

Okay.

You know the moment that I left the tour?

We were playing this club in Illinois,

and Chris decides to do a cover of an '80s song called "Missing you."

And everybody starts singing along.

The crowd's loving it, and they turn the house lights up.

And I could see every face out there,

and I fell apart.

Onstage in front of 3,000 people, I lost it.

I couldn't sing. I couldn't hear the music. Nothing.

'Cause that was the moment that I knew

that none of it could ever be enough without you.

All of the celebrity and all of the applause and all the pretty melodies

couldn't fill your void in my heart.

So, I guess you're right.

It's not the life I would have had...

'cause ever since I met you, it has been so much more.

There's no chance that, um,

you'd want to go to the last place I had planned for us, is there?

Well, let's see --

it's either take my chances with you or hang out with Chris Keller.

Thank you. Let's go.

Did you like the movie, Skills?

There's just so much love.

Just so much love.

It's okay.

That's just the power of "The Notebook."

Do you want me to drive you home?

Or we could go upstairs and make out.

Can we cuddle a little first?

Sure.

All right, here it goes.

Oh, shoot. Just a little short.

Okay. We're gonna need more clothes.

Yeah, well, forget it, Annie Oakley.

I already gave you my jacket and my shoes,

and I made a promise to myself that I would never be naked in front of that man again.

The things I do for you.

Oh, oh. Keep your pants on.

Hey. That's pretty cute.

Where'd you get that?

Oh, didn't I tell you? There was a sale at...

- Would you just tie it on?!
- Oh, okay.

There we go. Come on.

Okay. Ready?

- Come on.
- And...

Got it!

Easy.

Easy.

Yeah!

All right. Okay.

Get dressed, and I'll gather up all the evidence. Let's get the heck off this thing.

I don't -- I don't want to leave it like this, Deb.

We're better than this, Deb.

I don't want to sink to Dan's level.

You could have said that before we climbed up here.

Yeah, well...

what fun would that have been?

Ugh! God! All right.

Okay, Mel, you're home.

Oh, hey, wait!

Don't forget your helmet, Fireball.

Thank you, sweetheart.

What's your name, anyway?

It's Peyton.

Peyton.

That's a pretty name.

Did I ever tell you I used to race cars?

No. No.You never told me that.

I bet you were great.

Take your time, Joe.

He deserves better.

How long have you known him?

All my life.

He's my grandpa.

He just... doesn't remember.

You know how he's always calling me Joe?

Well, Joe's my dad's name,

but they had a falling out, so

I come to see him instead.

Anyway, I'll be back.

Okay, here we are.

You're probably tired, so I'll see you next week.

Joe...

I, uh, I know I made some mistakes with you...

but one day you're gonna have a boy of your own.

Make sure he's a good man.

I will.

I love you.

I love you, too, son.

- You all set?
- Yeah.

Hey, can I ask you a question?

Why do you keep coming to see him if he's just not gonna remember?

Because I will.

Besides, he probably doesn't have that much time left.

I don't know.

Nobody should die alone.

This bracelet -- it's my birth mother's.

It's a cancer-survivor bracelet,

but I told her I didn't want to see her anymore, and I sent her away.

You know, I know alzheimer's is this terrible disease,

but at least Mel doesn't have to live with his regrets, you know,

and all the mistakes he made, and stuff he wishes he could take back.

Yeah, that's true.

But I say give me regret...

as long as I can keep the good memories, too.

We all have regrets, Peyton,

but some of us still have enough time to erase them.

Thought you were dragging me out here to play miniature golf.

What happened?

No. No, that's gone, kind of like our wedding site.

Yeah. Look, I know tonight wasn't what you wanted it to be, Haley.

No. You were right. I had some unrealistic notions about tonight,

and I think I just -- I had a silly idea that everything would work out perfectly,

and I would end up in your arms, and...

I'm sorry. I guess I just wanted to hear you say that everything was gonna be okay,

even if it was just for one night.

I'm sorry.

Anyway, um, every year Lucas and I come up here,

and we make predictions about what's gonna happen

or what we wish would happen during the next school year.

And I want to show you my prediction.

Don't.

I mean, if you show me, then it won't come true.

It's a wish, right?

Please, Nathan?

Okay. Give it to me.

You got a pen?

Of course I have a pen. I'm tutor girl. Why?

Turn around.

What are you --

I need your back.

Okay.

What -- what are you doing?

I'm writing my own prediction for this year.

A year from now, we'll see.

So, what's to keep me from sneaking up here and reading what you wrote?

Guess I'll just have to trust you.

Brooke's house.

Honestly, Lucas, have I taught you nothing?

The end-of-the-night, drunken booty call is the last act of a desperate boy.

It's not a booty call.

It's the opposite of that.

Why? 'Cause she's the one?

Do you realize how screwed up that logic is?

I made the shot.

So you made a lucky shot.

Do you really think there's only one person on this entire planet that's right for you?

I do.

Okay. What about Peyton?

I hear you once had the same feelings for her. Maybe she's the one.

Or being that we're still in high school, maybe you haven't met the one.

But I have.

And she's in that apartment.

Hey, look who it is.

How was your date with Bevin?

You guys ever see a movie called "The Notebook"?

She notebooked you?

He was really sweet.

I totally notebooked him.

Thanks for tonight.

I know it's a little out of the way.

Um, actually, I promised Lucas that I would meet him afterward

so we could talk about how the dates went and stuff.

Yeah. Yeah, I'll just, uh, take off.

Okay.

Listen, Haley,

don't be worried about the beach, our wedding spot.

I know, Nathan. I'm sorry.

I just hate that it's all gone --

the trees and those little purple flowers.

The roots are still there.

It just takes time.

Don't say I never gave you anything.

Brooke?