One Day at a Time (1975–1984): Season 6, Episode 4 - Ann Meets Nick: Part 2 - full transcript
♪ This is it ♪ This is it
♪ This is life, the one you
get so go and have a ball
♪ This is it ♪ This is it
♪ Straight ahead and rest
assured you can't be sure at all
♪ So while you're
here enjoy the view
♪ Keep on doing what you do
♪ So hold on tight
we'll muddle through
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ So up on your
feet ♪ Up on your feet
♪ Somewhere
there's music playing
♪ Don't you worry none
we'll just take it like it comes
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
- [Announcer] Here are some
scenes from last week's show.
- No, Mom, I have
not found a job yet.
- Hi, Mom.
- [Ann] Hi.
- Find a job yet?
- No!
- Hi there, Ms. Romano.
- Hello.
- You get a job yet?
- No!
- Ms. Big Bucks, what
are you doing here?
- What am I doing here?
What are you doing here?
- Isn't it obvious?
I'm trying to get this
job before you do.
- I can't tell you what
pleasure it would give me
to beat out that person.
He just makes me furious!
- You've got the account.
- [Both] Who?
- The two of you.
We want you to work together.
(door bell ringing)
- Barbara?
Honey are you awake?
There's somebody at the door.
(door bell ringing)
Barbara!
Rotten kid.
I'm coming, I'm coming.
Who is it?
- [Nick] Nick!
- Nick who?
- Nick Handris.
- Sorry, I don't know what...
Oh, my God.
- Morning, Annie.
Where should I
put all this stuff?
- What are you
doing here so early?
- You said you wanted
to get an early start.
- It's not even 7:00 a.m..
I should've known
by your temperament
you're not a morning person.
- I am a morning person,
it's just not morning yet.
I'm not awake.
I haven't showered.
I don't have any clothes on.
- Hey, Annie, please, we don't
have enough time for romance.
- Mom, did you call me?
Oh, hi Mr. Handris.
- Morning Barb, why don't
you call me Nick, okay?
- Yeah, okay.
- Annie, I bet you
haven't had breakfast yet.
- You'd win.
- Well, don't you worry
about fixing anything for me,
I brought some donuts.
Breakfast for everyone on me.
I'll be right back I left my
drawing board in the car.
- He's so cute.
- We see him differently.
Oh, why did I ever agree
to work with that man?
- We need the money.
- That's the reason.
Well, it's a one shot deal.
We will polish off
ice cream account
and then it's goodbye Nick.
Oh, he's trying to kill me.
- Mhmm, I'll die for you.
- No, it's alright, I'll eat it.
- I'll put on some coffee.
- You know these
things are so bad for you.
You know, I have anything
to say about this whole thing.
He said we work early, he
said we work on Saturday,
he said we'd use my place,
then he has the gall to
tell me what I'm gonna have
for breakfast, oh,
God these are so good!
(door bell ringing)
Mmm, okay.
It's only gonna be
for a few days, right?
I will be pleasant,
I will be cheerful,
besides the man has
already irritated me
as much as humanly possible.
- This is my kid, Alex.
Thought maybe he
could stay with us today.
- What?
- Alex, this is Ms. Romano.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- She doesn't remind me of mom.
- You haven't
heard her yell yet.
But stick around.
Annie, is it okay if he
does his homework in here?
- Uh, wait a minute, he's
gonna be here while we work?
- Well, it's his
weekend to have me.
He's divorced.
- Well, that's certainly
understandable.
- Hi, I'm Barbara.
- Hi.
Is she the one who's
gonna take me to
the football game
this afternoon?
- Football game?
- Big Mouth, I haven't
even asked her yet.
- Dad, I'm 12, why
can't I go by myself?
I take the bus to school.
- I told you, you're not going
to any football
game alone, okay.
- Okay, but if I run
into any of my friends
they're gonna
think I'm on a date.
- I know a lot of guys
that would be happy
to have a date with her.
- Really?
- Uh, wait a second,
could I vote on this?
I did have some plans.
- There's 20
bucks in it for you.
- That I can certainly cancel.
- Maybe if she's really
nice she'll help you
with your homework.
- Uh, why not?
I better change first.
- She's not very friendly.
- Well, let's get started
with this ice cream account.
I need the money.
- Hey, look, do you
mind if I get dressed first?
I haven't showered,
haven't had breakfast.
- Make yourself at home.
- Okay, Mack, ho.
I've been watching you for
the last 20 minutes half hour,
coming in, going out,
coming in, going out, come in
and I wanna tell ya somethin'.
- What I'd really like to
do is to go back to bed.
- Have a nice day.
- Uh, Schneider, Uh, Schneider.
(upbeat jingle)
Okay, how's this?
Nick!
- Huh?
- Now that we can hear each
other, I said, "How's this?"
sit a little with Star Time
the devilish ice cream.
- You wrote that yesterday.
(upbeat jingle)
- If I may finish you had
that little picture of the Devil
yesterday, too, but
you're doing another one.
- Okay, I'm listening.
- Now, what we're trying
to do is to promote the idea
that Star Time Ice Cream
is a temptation, right?
A delicious temptation.
Alright, I thought
maybe we'd use history.
For example, would Antony
had been tempted by Cleopatra
if he had tasted Star
Time mocha ripple first?
- You may be on to something.
- [Ann] I think it's good,
I do, I think it's good.
- I could work some great
art on the Original Sin idea,
for instance Eve could be
eating Star Time apple spice.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes that's
what I'm talking about!
Or Marie Antoinette saying,
"Let 'em eat ice cream."
- I love it.
Okay, or, or she lost hear
head over French vanilla.
- I think it's good, okay.
- I am really turned
on by this history idea.
- Yeah.
- I'll work up a storyboard
and we can just sort
of ease out the sin idea
and just stick with history.
- What a minute, you
were all for sin this morning,
what's wrong with
sin this afternoon?
- What is this?
A sexathon?
- Schneider, this is business.
- Business?
Ms. Romano you're too innocent.
You're too pure!
You're too old.
- This is Mr. Handris.
- It is not, these guys
never give their right name!
- We are working on the
ice cream account together.
- Be still my little sub pump.
So, you're the cartoonist, huh?
- No, I'm the artist.
- Yeah, you sure
painted yourself into
a cozy little situation here.
- Schneider, it's
not what you think.
- Ms. Romano you owe me
no explanatory revelations.
- Good.
- Red is too blue, you
need a little more yellow.
- Who is this person?
- Schneider.
Dwayne F. Schneider.
- He's our building
superintendent.
He's a good friend of
mine, drops in all the time.
- Why don't you be a nice man
and come back some
other time, okay pal?
- Don't call me pal, okay bud?
- So, wait a minute,
I don't think you understand
what we're trying to do here,
we're trying to work,
if you don't mind.
- I don't mind.
I don't mind if she don't mind.
But if she minds I mind.
And if I mind it's because
she made me mind
then you better mind!
- Oh, Schneider we do have
work to do, if you don't mind.
- I don't mind.
Do you mind?
- No, I don't mind.
- You don't mind.
You're lucky.
Wanna see a real
artist take a look at this.
- Is that a mermaid or a bruise?
- A bruise, huh?
I wanna tell ya somethin'.
This guy was so good I once
saw him tied to a speeding
battleship blindfolded
tattoo a speeding battleship
onto a drunken sailor's butt.
- Maybe he'll show
it to me sometime.
- Wait, hold on.
Hold it, are you
insinuating I got drunk
and I took down my
pants and I exposed...
- No, he's not!
- Guess what?
I discovered perpetual motion.
- What?
- It's him, he never sits
still never once during
that football game did
he stay in one place.
I could've subleases a
seat and made a fortune.
- I'm never going to a
game with her again.
All she does is make up rules.
Don't climb on the railing.
Don't make paper airplanes.
Don't boo the players.
Don't drink my beer.
Don't... - Hey, hold it!
Beer?
- Two hours with him
and you'd want a beer, too.
- I would never tattoo
a battleship on my butt.
- Oh, I missed the best
play of the game waiting
for her to come out
of the ladies room.
- That is no reason for you
to send the lady cop in there
lookin' for me.
- Well, you were gone so
long I thought you died in there.
- Maybe a couple of
PT boats, one for each...
- I was getting sick
watching you stuff your face
with all that junk, popcorn,
peanuts, hot dogs, ice cream...
- Barbara, please!
- Yeah, well talk about sick,
my whole life I've
never seen anyone bring
carrot sticks to
a football game.
- Maybe you should
try it some time.
- Would you please cool please!
- You know?
- We're trying to do
some work around here.
- He's right.
Thank you.
- Okay, I'm gonna go.
Probably think that
little Devil is hot stuff.
Doesn't look like
Ms. Romano at all.
- Oh, Schneider that's the
trademark for the ice cream
account it has nothing to do...
- Had to use somebody's face.
It's Walter Cronkite's body.
- Hi, Mom.
- [Ann] Hi.
- Boy, don't you
look comfortable.
- I am, I feel great.
It is one beautiful day.
- They're predicting
thunder showers.
- Who cares?
Th work for the ice
cream account is over with.
I will get my money,
God is in his heaven,
and Nick is out of my life.
- And you're out of a job again.
- It doesn't bother me one bit.
I'll pay a few bills,
relax a couple of days
and know that from now on
by comparison anybody I work
with will be a pleasure.
And you're not gonna
have to be saddled with
that little Alex person.
- Oh, I don't know,
kid kinda grows on ya.
But little boys are weird.
- Congratulations.
- What for?
- Ice cream company
loved your work.
- No kidding!
That's terrific!
How do you know that?
We just turned in
the stuff this morning.
- Well, Rembrandt
tried to call you
and your line was
busy so he called me.
- Oh, I must've been on
the phone with my mom.
- For an hour and a half?
- Yeah, I made the mistake
of asking what's new?
Yeah, so?
Did Nick say anything
about the money?
Are they gonna pay us?
- Well, he didn't say.
He said for you to meet him
down at that address there.
- What for?
- Well, he didn't say.
- Well, why didn't you ask him?
I want my money.
- Well, he didn't say.
- Oh, God, the
nerve of that person,
asking me to come all
the way downtown, why?
- He didn't say.
- Who the Hell
does he think he is?
- He didn't say that either.
- He just makes me furious.
He makes me, I'm furious!
It really makes me furious!
(thunder crashing)
- He didn't say.
- Nick!
- Come in, Annie!
- Okay, I'm here.
What is this all about?
- I just though you'd
wanna see the place.
- I see it, it's you.
Now, where's my
share of the money?
- I used it as a down payment.
- On what?
- Our new office.
- Our what?
- Our new office.
- This dump!
- You'll love it!
We'll paint it, throw
in another desk.
- Why?
- We bought a new account.
- We?
- I knew you'd be delighted.
- See, Annie, ice cream
people recommended us
to a hat company.
I showed them our presentation
and they loved our work.
- You stole my money.
- I used my money, too.
We can't keep
working at your place.
- You stole my money!
- I did not, you own
half of a two year lease.
- Two year?
- Two.
- With you?
- Mhmm.
- I want my money.
- Annie, come on,
we need the work.
And despite your disposition
we happen to work well together.
- I'm calling the police.
- You'll have to
wait until Tuesday,
the ohne isn't connected yet.
Ann, come on.
A little paint, a
couple of plants.
- You're not only a
thief, you're a forger,
you must've forged my name!
- I did not forge your name.
I had them make the check
out to Handris and Associates.
- Handris and Associates.
- Right.
- Handris and associates.
- And Associates.
- I do all the work
and I get associates.
Give me my money.
I don't care how you get it!
Give me my money!
- I don't have it.
- Then go rob somebody else.
- Okay, Annie,
offices are hard to find.
Now, this one was
available and it was cheap.
Now, come on, sit down,
I'll even let you have a chair,
just don't lean back.
- You're not funny.
You are a loud mouth,
obnoxious, undependable...
- Annie, Annie, you don't
have to be diplomatic with me.
- Did it even occur
to you to ask me first?
- Yes, of course
it occurred to me,
but you would have said no.
- You're damn right!
I would've said no.
- Okay, okay, toots, I thought
you had some adventure
in your soul, but
just forget about it,
forget about the office.
I'll pay you back.
- Don't bother.
I'm getting a lawyer.
- You can't afford a lawyer.
- Then I will seduce one.
And I will sue you for
every penny you've got.
- Boy, is that a waste of time.
I mean the suing, I
can't judge the seduction.
- Oh, brother.
- [Nick] Oh, watch the doorknob!
- Mom, I got a job
at the school library.
Tuesday and Thursday afternoons.
- [Ann] Great.
- Doesn't pay very much,
but it will keep me out of
the refrigerator two
afternoons a week.
Why are you staring
at that flowerpot?
- Well, Petry's Nursery
wants me to do an ad for them.
They're giving away
pots as a come on.
What can I write about
about a flower pot?
- Well, if you wanna
get some attention,
just put an ad in
the college paper.
Come to Petry's
and get your free pot.
- It's not bad.
- Want me to start dinner?
- Yeah, that'd be terrific.
You know, for doing
this ad I will earn
the astounding sum of $100.
- Mom, why don't you try
for the bigger companies
instead of just
the local stores?
- Oh gee, golly whiz,
that's a real super idea.
You know, I mentioned it to IBM
and they were so thrilled
with the idea they said
that I didn't even have to
call them, they'd call me.
I'm gonna take this
to small claims court.
- You're gonna sue a flower pot?
- No, nick.
Fertilizer's half off.
- At small claims court?
- At the nursery.
Free if you buy two plants.
He said he'd pay me
back but it's been four days.
- The nursery?
- Nick!
God, Barbara, would
you stick to one subject?
You are driving me crazy!
I'm sorry.
I'm depressed.
You know, I built up this
whole fantasy in my mind.
When I left Conner's
in Davenport.
- I thought you were fired?
- Barbera do you mind?
This is my fantasy.
- Sorry.
- I thought it would
be my big chance.
An opportunity to
strike out on my own
and go right to the top.
My own agency, a big office,
five minute ride on the
elevator just to get up to it,
glass doors that
open automatically,
with two, uh-uh, three
male secretaries that say,
"Good morning, Ms. Romano.
"Good morning, Ms. Romano."
- That's just two.
- The third one's my lover.
All we do is exchange
knowing glances.
- Oh, well, Mom, you
achieved your fantasy.
You own half an empty
office on the second floor
with a guy you can't stand.
- Wonderful.
(door bell ringing)
- Hello, Annie.
Nice to see you.
"Nice to see you too, Nick!
"Won't you come in?"
Oh, thank you very
much, Annie, I'd love to.
"How you feeling, Nick?"
oh, I feel wonderful.
"WOuld you like a beer?"
I would love to have
a beer, thank you for...
- Freeze!
Where's my money?
- Ah, business
before pleasure I see.
- If I don't get my money
I'm gonna call the police.
- Here you go.
- Thank you very much, sir.
- Oh, come on, this
isn't nearly enough.
You owe me another $512.
And here you go $72 in cash.
One porte-cochère
in the krugerrand.
$12 and 43 cents in change.
Three shares in the little
upstate New York winery.
$2.99 in 13 cent
stamps right on the floor.
And a $5 briefcase.
Which makes a
grand total of $512.
Sign here paid in full, please.
This ends our
association entirely?
- Completely.
- Then of course I'll sign.
There you go.
- Thank you, Ms. Romano.
- Thank you.
- Nice knowing you Barb.
You're a very lovely young lady.
- Oh, I'm sorry we won't
be seeing him anymore.
- Ugh, come on Barbara,
the man is impossible.
He's undisciplined,
impulsive, unbusinesslike,
and totally irritating.
(knocking on door)
- One more thing, Annie,
I happen to think you're
a very talented woman.
Good luck.
- What a rotten thing to say.
- You want my opinion?
- No.
- I think you're
making a big mistake.
You and Nick do
excellent work together.
- Come on, Barbara, would
you give me a break, huh?
Buy a plant, get a pot free.
Give a lovely home
to a sweet pea.
I'm losing my mind.
(knocking on door)
- Who is it?
- Ann.
- Are you armed?
- No, I'm not armed.
- I thought maybe you
checked up on the winery stocks.
- What are you working on?
- Oh, it's the ad for
the hat company.
What do you think?
- [Ann] It's not bad.
- [Nick] Thank you.
What do you think
about the caption?
- It's simple.
- Yeah, well it's
supposed to be simple.
- I know, it's a compliment.
- Oh.
Annie I just wanna...
- Nick, look I...
- I have to tell
you my feelings...
- see, what I wanted to say...
- Ladies first.
- That can be construed
as a sexist remark.
- You wouldn't have
said that on the Titanic.
- Yeah, well, you're
probably right.
Okay, I happened to be
in the neighborhood and I...
- This neighborhood?
You should use more sense.
- Would you let me finish?
- Absolutely, I'm sorry.
- Good, thank you.
I've been thinking
and I feel that, well,
under the circumstances
that we should,
I think we ought to be partners.
- Well, that might
not be a bad idea.
- Then we're partners?
- Yeah, as soon as you
give me back the money.
- Yeah, I was sort of
hoping you'd say that.
Okay, here you go.
We got here 100 Susan
B. Anthony dollars,
$17 in coupons, six months
remaining on my Ms. Subscription,
43 cents in Greek coins,
$25 gift certificate for a facial.
- Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
Not original, but okay.
Partners.
- Okay.
What I feel is that we're
both a little too headstrong.
- Right.
- About this office.
Actually, it's not bad.
- See?
- Yeah, we just
have to clean it up
and rent some furniture
and paint these walls
a nice bright shiny yellow.
- Yellow?
- Well, maybe one
wall can be yellow.
- One more thing, it's little
but it's important to me,
the name of the company
Handris and Associates.
- Oh, Annie, Annie,
no, no, no, no,
it's already been handled.
I mean I looked into my soul
and realized that
it just wasn't fair.
I even flipped a coin to
see who should come first
and you won.
- Oh, thank you.
- You're welcome.
Therefore!
(upbeat music)
♪ This is life, the one you
get so go and have a ball
♪ This is it ♪ This is it
♪ Straight ahead and rest
assured you can't be sure at all
♪ So while you're
here enjoy the view
♪ Keep on doing what you do
♪ So hold on tight
we'll muddle through
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ So up on your
feet ♪ Up on your feet
♪ Somewhere
there's music playing
♪ Don't you worry none
we'll just take it like it comes
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
- [Announcer] Here are some
scenes from last week's show.
- No, Mom, I have
not found a job yet.
- Hi, Mom.
- [Ann] Hi.
- Find a job yet?
- No!
- Hi there, Ms. Romano.
- Hello.
- You get a job yet?
- No!
- Ms. Big Bucks, what
are you doing here?
- What am I doing here?
What are you doing here?
- Isn't it obvious?
I'm trying to get this
job before you do.
- I can't tell you what
pleasure it would give me
to beat out that person.
He just makes me furious!
- You've got the account.
- [Both] Who?
- The two of you.
We want you to work together.
(door bell ringing)
- Barbara?
Honey are you awake?
There's somebody at the door.
(door bell ringing)
Barbara!
Rotten kid.
I'm coming, I'm coming.
Who is it?
- [Nick] Nick!
- Nick who?
- Nick Handris.
- Sorry, I don't know what...
Oh, my God.
- Morning, Annie.
Where should I
put all this stuff?
- What are you
doing here so early?
- You said you wanted
to get an early start.
- It's not even 7:00 a.m..
I should've known
by your temperament
you're not a morning person.
- I am a morning person,
it's just not morning yet.
I'm not awake.
I haven't showered.
I don't have any clothes on.
- Hey, Annie, please, we don't
have enough time for romance.
- Mom, did you call me?
Oh, hi Mr. Handris.
- Morning Barb, why don't
you call me Nick, okay?
- Yeah, okay.
- Annie, I bet you
haven't had breakfast yet.
- You'd win.
- Well, don't you worry
about fixing anything for me,
I brought some donuts.
Breakfast for everyone on me.
I'll be right back I left my
drawing board in the car.
- He's so cute.
- We see him differently.
Oh, why did I ever agree
to work with that man?
- We need the money.
- That's the reason.
Well, it's a one shot deal.
We will polish off
ice cream account
and then it's goodbye Nick.
Oh, he's trying to kill me.
- Mhmm, I'll die for you.
- No, it's alright, I'll eat it.
- I'll put on some coffee.
- You know these
things are so bad for you.
You know, I have anything
to say about this whole thing.
He said we work early, he
said we work on Saturday,
he said we'd use my place,
then he has the gall to
tell me what I'm gonna have
for breakfast, oh,
God these are so good!
(door bell ringing)
Mmm, okay.
It's only gonna be
for a few days, right?
I will be pleasant,
I will be cheerful,
besides the man has
already irritated me
as much as humanly possible.
- This is my kid, Alex.
Thought maybe he
could stay with us today.
- What?
- Alex, this is Ms. Romano.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- She doesn't remind me of mom.
- You haven't
heard her yell yet.
But stick around.
Annie, is it okay if he
does his homework in here?
- Uh, wait a minute, he's
gonna be here while we work?
- Well, it's his
weekend to have me.
He's divorced.
- Well, that's certainly
understandable.
- Hi, I'm Barbara.
- Hi.
Is she the one who's
gonna take me to
the football game
this afternoon?
- Football game?
- Big Mouth, I haven't
even asked her yet.
- Dad, I'm 12, why
can't I go by myself?
I take the bus to school.
- I told you, you're not going
to any football
game alone, okay.
- Okay, but if I run
into any of my friends
they're gonna
think I'm on a date.
- I know a lot of guys
that would be happy
to have a date with her.
- Really?
- Uh, wait a second,
could I vote on this?
I did have some plans.
- There's 20
bucks in it for you.
- That I can certainly cancel.
- Maybe if she's really
nice she'll help you
with your homework.
- Uh, why not?
I better change first.
- She's not very friendly.
- Well, let's get started
with this ice cream account.
I need the money.
- Hey, look, do you
mind if I get dressed first?
I haven't showered,
haven't had breakfast.
- Make yourself at home.
- Okay, Mack, ho.
I've been watching you for
the last 20 minutes half hour,
coming in, going out,
coming in, going out, come in
and I wanna tell ya somethin'.
- What I'd really like to
do is to go back to bed.
- Have a nice day.
- Uh, Schneider, Uh, Schneider.
(upbeat jingle)
Okay, how's this?
Nick!
- Huh?
- Now that we can hear each
other, I said, "How's this?"
sit a little with Star Time
the devilish ice cream.
- You wrote that yesterday.
(upbeat jingle)
- If I may finish you had
that little picture of the Devil
yesterday, too, but
you're doing another one.
- Okay, I'm listening.
- Now, what we're trying
to do is to promote the idea
that Star Time Ice Cream
is a temptation, right?
A delicious temptation.
Alright, I thought
maybe we'd use history.
For example, would Antony
had been tempted by Cleopatra
if he had tasted Star
Time mocha ripple first?
- You may be on to something.
- [Ann] I think it's good,
I do, I think it's good.
- I could work some great
art on the Original Sin idea,
for instance Eve could be
eating Star Time apple spice.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes that's
what I'm talking about!
Or Marie Antoinette saying,
"Let 'em eat ice cream."
- I love it.
Okay, or, or she lost hear
head over French vanilla.
- I think it's good, okay.
- I am really turned
on by this history idea.
- Yeah.
- I'll work up a storyboard
and we can just sort
of ease out the sin idea
and just stick with history.
- What a minute, you
were all for sin this morning,
what's wrong with
sin this afternoon?
- What is this?
A sexathon?
- Schneider, this is business.
- Business?
Ms. Romano you're too innocent.
You're too pure!
You're too old.
- This is Mr. Handris.
- It is not, these guys
never give their right name!
- We are working on the
ice cream account together.
- Be still my little sub pump.
So, you're the cartoonist, huh?
- No, I'm the artist.
- Yeah, you sure
painted yourself into
a cozy little situation here.
- Schneider, it's
not what you think.
- Ms. Romano you owe me
no explanatory revelations.
- Good.
- Red is too blue, you
need a little more yellow.
- Who is this person?
- Schneider.
Dwayne F. Schneider.
- He's our building
superintendent.
He's a good friend of
mine, drops in all the time.
- Why don't you be a nice man
and come back some
other time, okay pal?
- Don't call me pal, okay bud?
- So, wait a minute,
I don't think you understand
what we're trying to do here,
we're trying to work,
if you don't mind.
- I don't mind.
I don't mind if she don't mind.
But if she minds I mind.
And if I mind it's because
she made me mind
then you better mind!
- Oh, Schneider we do have
work to do, if you don't mind.
- I don't mind.
Do you mind?
- No, I don't mind.
- You don't mind.
You're lucky.
Wanna see a real
artist take a look at this.
- Is that a mermaid or a bruise?
- A bruise, huh?
I wanna tell ya somethin'.
This guy was so good I once
saw him tied to a speeding
battleship blindfolded
tattoo a speeding battleship
onto a drunken sailor's butt.
- Maybe he'll show
it to me sometime.
- Wait, hold on.
Hold it, are you
insinuating I got drunk
and I took down my
pants and I exposed...
- No, he's not!
- Guess what?
I discovered perpetual motion.
- What?
- It's him, he never sits
still never once during
that football game did
he stay in one place.
I could've subleases a
seat and made a fortune.
- I'm never going to a
game with her again.
All she does is make up rules.
Don't climb on the railing.
Don't make paper airplanes.
Don't boo the players.
Don't drink my beer.
Don't... - Hey, hold it!
Beer?
- Two hours with him
and you'd want a beer, too.
- I would never tattoo
a battleship on my butt.
- Oh, I missed the best
play of the game waiting
for her to come out
of the ladies room.
- That is no reason for you
to send the lady cop in there
lookin' for me.
- Well, you were gone so
long I thought you died in there.
- Maybe a couple of
PT boats, one for each...
- I was getting sick
watching you stuff your face
with all that junk, popcorn,
peanuts, hot dogs, ice cream...
- Barbara, please!
- Yeah, well talk about sick,
my whole life I've
never seen anyone bring
carrot sticks to
a football game.
- Maybe you should
try it some time.
- Would you please cool please!
- You know?
- We're trying to do
some work around here.
- He's right.
Thank you.
- Okay, I'm gonna go.
Probably think that
little Devil is hot stuff.
Doesn't look like
Ms. Romano at all.
- Oh, Schneider that's the
trademark for the ice cream
account it has nothing to do...
- Had to use somebody's face.
It's Walter Cronkite's body.
- Hi, Mom.
- [Ann] Hi.
- Boy, don't you
look comfortable.
- I am, I feel great.
It is one beautiful day.
- They're predicting
thunder showers.
- Who cares?
Th work for the ice
cream account is over with.
I will get my money,
God is in his heaven,
and Nick is out of my life.
- And you're out of a job again.
- It doesn't bother me one bit.
I'll pay a few bills,
relax a couple of days
and know that from now on
by comparison anybody I work
with will be a pleasure.
And you're not gonna
have to be saddled with
that little Alex person.
- Oh, I don't know,
kid kinda grows on ya.
But little boys are weird.
- Congratulations.
- What for?
- Ice cream company
loved your work.
- No kidding!
That's terrific!
How do you know that?
We just turned in
the stuff this morning.
- Well, Rembrandt
tried to call you
and your line was
busy so he called me.
- Oh, I must've been on
the phone with my mom.
- For an hour and a half?
- Yeah, I made the mistake
of asking what's new?
Yeah, so?
Did Nick say anything
about the money?
Are they gonna pay us?
- Well, he didn't say.
He said for you to meet him
down at that address there.
- What for?
- Well, he didn't say.
- Well, why didn't you ask him?
I want my money.
- Well, he didn't say.
- Oh, God, the
nerve of that person,
asking me to come all
the way downtown, why?
- He didn't say.
- Who the Hell
does he think he is?
- He didn't say that either.
- He just makes me furious.
He makes me, I'm furious!
It really makes me furious!
(thunder crashing)
- He didn't say.
- Nick!
- Come in, Annie!
- Okay, I'm here.
What is this all about?
- I just though you'd
wanna see the place.
- I see it, it's you.
Now, where's my
share of the money?
- I used it as a down payment.
- On what?
- Our new office.
- Our what?
- Our new office.
- This dump!
- You'll love it!
We'll paint it, throw
in another desk.
- Why?
- We bought a new account.
- We?
- I knew you'd be delighted.
- See, Annie, ice cream
people recommended us
to a hat company.
I showed them our presentation
and they loved our work.
- You stole my money.
- I used my money, too.
We can't keep
working at your place.
- You stole my money!
- I did not, you own
half of a two year lease.
- Two year?
- Two.
- With you?
- Mhmm.
- I want my money.
- Annie, come on,
we need the work.
And despite your disposition
we happen to work well together.
- I'm calling the police.
- You'll have to
wait until Tuesday,
the ohne isn't connected yet.
Ann, come on.
A little paint, a
couple of plants.
- You're not only a
thief, you're a forger,
you must've forged my name!
- I did not forge your name.
I had them make the check
out to Handris and Associates.
- Handris and Associates.
- Right.
- Handris and associates.
- And Associates.
- I do all the work
and I get associates.
Give me my money.
I don't care how you get it!
Give me my money!
- I don't have it.
- Then go rob somebody else.
- Okay, Annie,
offices are hard to find.
Now, this one was
available and it was cheap.
Now, come on, sit down,
I'll even let you have a chair,
just don't lean back.
- You're not funny.
You are a loud mouth,
obnoxious, undependable...
- Annie, Annie, you don't
have to be diplomatic with me.
- Did it even occur
to you to ask me first?
- Yes, of course
it occurred to me,
but you would have said no.
- You're damn right!
I would've said no.
- Okay, okay, toots, I thought
you had some adventure
in your soul, but
just forget about it,
forget about the office.
I'll pay you back.
- Don't bother.
I'm getting a lawyer.
- You can't afford a lawyer.
- Then I will seduce one.
And I will sue you for
every penny you've got.
- Boy, is that a waste of time.
I mean the suing, I
can't judge the seduction.
- Oh, brother.
- [Nick] Oh, watch the doorknob!
- Mom, I got a job
at the school library.
Tuesday and Thursday afternoons.
- [Ann] Great.
- Doesn't pay very much,
but it will keep me out of
the refrigerator two
afternoons a week.
Why are you staring
at that flowerpot?
- Well, Petry's Nursery
wants me to do an ad for them.
They're giving away
pots as a come on.
What can I write about
about a flower pot?
- Well, if you wanna
get some attention,
just put an ad in
the college paper.
Come to Petry's
and get your free pot.
- It's not bad.
- Want me to start dinner?
- Yeah, that'd be terrific.
You know, for doing
this ad I will earn
the astounding sum of $100.
- Mom, why don't you try
for the bigger companies
instead of just
the local stores?
- Oh gee, golly whiz,
that's a real super idea.
You know, I mentioned it to IBM
and they were so thrilled
with the idea they said
that I didn't even have to
call them, they'd call me.
I'm gonna take this
to small claims court.
- You're gonna sue a flower pot?
- No, nick.
Fertilizer's half off.
- At small claims court?
- At the nursery.
Free if you buy two plants.
He said he'd pay me
back but it's been four days.
- The nursery?
- Nick!
God, Barbara, would
you stick to one subject?
You are driving me crazy!
I'm sorry.
I'm depressed.
You know, I built up this
whole fantasy in my mind.
When I left Conner's
in Davenport.
- I thought you were fired?
- Barbera do you mind?
This is my fantasy.
- Sorry.
- I thought it would
be my big chance.
An opportunity to
strike out on my own
and go right to the top.
My own agency, a big office,
five minute ride on the
elevator just to get up to it,
glass doors that
open automatically,
with two, uh-uh, three
male secretaries that say,
"Good morning, Ms. Romano.
"Good morning, Ms. Romano."
- That's just two.
- The third one's my lover.
All we do is exchange
knowing glances.
- Oh, well, Mom, you
achieved your fantasy.
You own half an empty
office on the second floor
with a guy you can't stand.
- Wonderful.
(door bell ringing)
- Hello, Annie.
Nice to see you.
"Nice to see you too, Nick!
"Won't you come in?"
Oh, thank you very
much, Annie, I'd love to.
"How you feeling, Nick?"
oh, I feel wonderful.
"WOuld you like a beer?"
I would love to have
a beer, thank you for...
- Freeze!
Where's my money?
- Ah, business
before pleasure I see.
- If I don't get my money
I'm gonna call the police.
- Here you go.
- Thank you very much, sir.
- Oh, come on, this
isn't nearly enough.
You owe me another $512.
And here you go $72 in cash.
One porte-cochère
in the krugerrand.
$12 and 43 cents in change.
Three shares in the little
upstate New York winery.
$2.99 in 13 cent
stamps right on the floor.
And a $5 briefcase.
Which makes a
grand total of $512.
Sign here paid in full, please.
This ends our
association entirely?
- Completely.
- Then of course I'll sign.
There you go.
- Thank you, Ms. Romano.
- Thank you.
- Nice knowing you Barb.
You're a very lovely young lady.
- Oh, I'm sorry we won't
be seeing him anymore.
- Ugh, come on Barbara,
the man is impossible.
He's undisciplined,
impulsive, unbusinesslike,
and totally irritating.
(knocking on door)
- One more thing, Annie,
I happen to think you're
a very talented woman.
Good luck.
- What a rotten thing to say.
- You want my opinion?
- No.
- I think you're
making a big mistake.
You and Nick do
excellent work together.
- Come on, Barbara, would
you give me a break, huh?
Buy a plant, get a pot free.
Give a lovely home
to a sweet pea.
I'm losing my mind.
(knocking on door)
- Who is it?
- Ann.
- Are you armed?
- No, I'm not armed.
- I thought maybe you
checked up on the winery stocks.
- What are you working on?
- Oh, it's the ad for
the hat company.
What do you think?
- [Ann] It's not bad.
- [Nick] Thank you.
What do you think
about the caption?
- It's simple.
- Yeah, well it's
supposed to be simple.
- I know, it's a compliment.
- Oh.
Annie I just wanna...
- Nick, look I...
- I have to tell
you my feelings...
- see, what I wanted to say...
- Ladies first.
- That can be construed
as a sexist remark.
- You wouldn't have
said that on the Titanic.
- Yeah, well, you're
probably right.
Okay, I happened to be
in the neighborhood and I...
- This neighborhood?
You should use more sense.
- Would you let me finish?
- Absolutely, I'm sorry.
- Good, thank you.
I've been thinking
and I feel that, well,
under the circumstances
that we should,
I think we ought to be partners.
- Well, that might
not be a bad idea.
- Then we're partners?
- Yeah, as soon as you
give me back the money.
- Yeah, I was sort of
hoping you'd say that.
Okay, here you go.
We got here 100 Susan
B. Anthony dollars,
$17 in coupons, six months
remaining on my Ms. Subscription,
43 cents in Greek coins,
$25 gift certificate for a facial.
- Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
Not original, but okay.
Partners.
- Okay.
What I feel is that we're
both a little too headstrong.
- Right.
- About this office.
Actually, it's not bad.
- See?
- Yeah, we just
have to clean it up
and rent some furniture
and paint these walls
a nice bright shiny yellow.
- Yellow?
- Well, maybe one
wall can be yellow.
- One more thing, it's little
but it's important to me,
the name of the company
Handris and Associates.
- Oh, Annie, Annie,
no, no, no, no,
it's already been handled.
I mean I looked into my soul
and realized that
it just wasn't fair.
I even flipped a coin to
see who should come first
and you won.
- Oh, thank you.
- You're welcome.
Therefore!
(upbeat music)