One Day at a Time (1975–1984): Season 6, Episode 21 - Indianapolis Story - full transcript

Nick and Ann are finally along together until Ann's old boyfriend David shows up unannounced.

("One Day At A Time")

♪ This is it, this is it

♪ This is life, the one you get

♪ So go and have a ball

♪ This is it, this is it

♪ Straight ahead
and rest assured

♪ You can't be sure at all

♪ So while you're
here enjoy the view

♪ Keep on doing what you do

♪ So hold on tight
we'll muddle through

♪ One Day At A time,
One Day At A Time

♪ So up on your
feet ♪ Up on your feet

♪ Somewhere
there's music playing

♪ Don't you worry none

♪ We'll just take
it like it comes

♪ One Day At A Time,
One Day At A Time

♪ One Day At A
Time, da-da-da-dah

♪ One Day At A Time,
One Day At A Time

♪ On Day At A Time, da-da-da-dah

♪ One Day At A Time

- There.


- Okay, I think it might
need a little more Courvasier,

some nutmeg, tell me.

- Ketchup.

- Get out of here.


I'm gonna make a
gourmet of you yet.

- I thought I was.

I always order the extra
crispy at the Colonel's.


- You just happen
to be very lucky

that I am a sucker for
tall voluptuous blondes.

- Oh, you mean
it's not my money?

- Oh, that too!

Why else do you
think I work my fingers

to the bone over a hot stove?

- Hey, I hard the hard part.

I had to talk Barbara
into taking Alex

to the Don Knotts Film Festival.


- Well, I did my share.

I got Schneider up in my place
working on the shower nozzle.


- Nick, that's not gonna
take nearly long enough.

- You wanna bet?

I left a dozen issues of
Playboy laying around.


Ah, I can't believe it.

A whole evening to ourselves.

- I know.

Just you and me
and Beef Wellington.

- Which will be ready
in about one hour.

- Well, gee whiz, Nick.

What are we gonna do until then?


- Chateau Moreau '76!

- What kind of girl
do you think I am?


(doorbell ringing)


(doorbell ringing)


- Now, where were we?


Oh, yeah, I remember!

- Oh, David!

- Annie, you've grown prettier!

And shorter!


Look at this apartment!

Look at that man standing
there looking at me.


- Nick, I'd like you
to meet an old...

Lawyer of mine, David Kane.

You've heard me mention David.

- David?

Oh, yes, David, right.

The one with the
impeccable timing.


Nick Handris, hi.

- Nice to meet you.

- Nick and I are
business partners.

Romano and Handris Advertising.

- Annie, that's terrific.

I want to hear all about it.

- Later!

First, we want to hear all
about you, don't we, Nick?

- I'll check the roast.

But first, we want to
hear all about you, David.


- Yes, so what are
you doing here?

- Well, I just...

- How are things in California?

David, why didn't you let
us know you were coming?

- Well, I thought
I'd just pop in and

surprise you and the girls.

Where are they?

- Julie is married and
living in Texas and

Barbara is single
and at the movies.

- Ann, I don't believe it.

You finally did it.

You got them both out of the
apartment at the same time.


Nick, you'll never know
the trouble we went to

trying to accomplish
that very feat.


Always somebody popping
in at the wrong moment.


- So, David, I can't believe it.

It's been five years.

What are you doing out there?

- Nothing much to tell.

I'm specializing in
entertainment law now.

- You mean like movies?

- Movies, television,
theater, CB radios.

Whatever comes along.


- That's really
exciting, isn't it, Nick?

- Oh, yeah, it's real exciting.

I bet you can't wait
to get back, David.


- I got to get to
New York first.

I just stopped off to take
care of some old business.

Couldn't leave
town without saying

hello to Miss Indianapolis here.

- Isn't it lucky for us
that this happens to be

the one night you're
passing through, right, David?


- Oh my god.


I just put it together.

The two of you.

Oh no, and I ruined
your evening?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Look, I've got to
get to the airport.

- [Nick] I'll get your
coat, Davey-boy.


- David, you are
not going anywhere!

You're gonna stay and have
dinner with us, right, Nick?

- Oh, yeah, well I would love
to have David stay for dinner

but he has to make a
plane at the airport, Annie.

- Well, Nick, if you
feel that way about it,

I could take a later plane.


What's for dinner?

- Please, sit down
and join us, please?

- Oh, no, no.

Why don't you step
into the living room.

I'll be serving
coffee there shortly.


- Okay!

Nick made espresso.

- Gee, Nick, that's terrific.

I feel so terribly
guilty about this.

Do you have any lemon peel?


- Why, David, old boy, would
I forget your lemon peel?

- Thank you.


- No, thank you.

- You're welcome.

- David, tell me, where
do you live out there?

Do you live in an
apartment, a house?


- Oh, nothing special.

You know, jacuzzi, tennis
court, two swimming pools.

Just your ordinary
California tract home.


- Hi there, Ms. Romano.

- [Ann] Hello, Schneider.

- How are ya there?

I got to talk to N-N-Nick.



- Schneider.

- Kane!

- Schneider.

- David!

- Dwayne!



- Kane, you've been
out in Hollywood too long.


Men don't hug in Indiana!


- I never thought I'd say this,

but it's really good to see you.

- Go ahead, say that.

- Never mind.


- So, gee whiz!

I mean, you've been out
there on the coast there.

I mean, what have
you been doing?

- He's an entertainment lawyer.

He handles TV and movie stars.

- Oh, you mean like Burt and
Clint and Dinah and Kermit?

- Yeah, and even a
few with last names.


- Excuse me.

- Sit down.

You want some coffee?

- Let's get some big cups.


- Nick, it's just for one night.

Try to be nice, huh?

- Oh, you want me to be nice.

Oh, yes, of course,
I'll give you nice.

I'll really be nice.

- Good.

- Okay.

- So, Kane, just between
us guys, you know,

man-to-man about
California, how's the action?


- Schneider, out there,
everywhere you look,

all you see is tall, willowy,
beautiful sun-tanned blondes.

- Oh!


- And the women
aren't bad either.


- Come on, now.

You know what I'm talking about!

- Schneider, out
there, if you can say,

"What's your sign?"

"Surf's up," and "For Sure,"

you've got it made.


- For sure!


- To tell you the truth,

my life out there really
isn't all that glamorous.

- Oh, come on.

A young, single,
wealthy guy in show biz?

Come on!

- Well, I'm seeing a few ladies.

Nobody special.

- Nobody special, huh?

Who are you running around with?

Farrah? Bo? Raquel?


Come on, you can tell me.

My lips are sealed.

- Schneider, Schneider,
there's nothing to tell.

- Come on, I tell you what.

On my lodge oath, I will not.

The lodge oath, okay?

Eeno-eeno whacky-whacky do!


I'm talking about Farrah
and Bo and Raquel and

you're looking at Ozzie
and Harriet in the kitchen

like you were still
hung up... (laughter)



- Schneider, remember
your lodge oath.

Now, what I say
goes no further, right?


I came back for Ann.

I'm not leaving without her.

- Dessert!

Hope you're still hungry!

- He's still hungry.



- And here is a nice chocolate
mousse cake for old David,

old buddy-boy, right, David?

- That looks great.

- I'm gonna get some
nice whipped cream for you.

Some extra, okay?


- Wait a second.

Why don't you use the key?

- Oh, see, my mom
and I have an agreement.

When she has a date,
I knock three times.

When I have a date,
she breaks the door down.



- It's Barbara.

- Oh, ssh!

Well, it's about time you
got here with the popcorn.

- David!

- Barbara!

Look at you!

An older woman!

- Oh, great!


- With a younger man.


- I can't believe it's you!

You haven't changed a bit!

- He hasn't changed a bit.

- Oh, same old David!

- Same old David.

- So, tell me, what
are you doing here?

- All right, tell her.


- Well, I'm just passing
through on my way to New York.

- New York?

- My darling, you are looking at

a bonified Hollywood
show biz lawyer.

- Hey, do you know the Hulk?

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

He's a real colorful guy.

Mostly green.


- You're pretty funny.

I'm Alex.

- David.

I'm an old friend
of Ms. Romano's.

- My dad's new friend
of Ms. Romano's.


Am I supposed to like him?

- Are you kidding?

Everybody likes Davey-boy.

Davey's my new best
friend, my new old buddy-boy!

Too bad he has to leave in
five hours and 20 minutes.

Huh, Davey?


- Right, Nicky.

- This is gonna be better than
the second Ali-Frasier fight.


- Just being nice.

- Just wait til I call Julie
and tell her you were here.

- Oh, yeah, she'll
really flip out.

(cackling maniacally)


- You know Julie?

- No, I never met her.


- Remember that time Julie
got that job as a waitress...

- Oh, yeah, yeah!

- At that sleazy place
out on Meridian?

- Yes, and they threw us out!


Nick, I think your
mousse is melting.

- Who cares?

It's only food.

- Dad, I think it's time
to hit the showers.

- Okay, you go up, Alex.

I'm gonna listen to some
more talk about Julie

and the good old days.

(cackling maniacally)

- Good night everybody!

- Goodnight, Alex!

- I better get upstairs.

I left a dozen copies
of Playboy lying around.


- October is missing.



- Well, I'm gonna get
myself some more coffee.

If I drank, I'd have a drink.

Barbara, would you
like some mousse?

- Oh, sure!

Goes great with popcorn.

- Kane?

- Yeah?

- What's the scam?

You gonna get a plane tonight or

you're not gonna
get a plane tonight.

- Yeah, I am.

Unless something
unforeseen happens.

- What do you mean, unforeseen?

- Well, like for example, you
remember my old trick knee?

You know, it's
the strangest thing.

If I just twist my foot a
tiny bit the wrong way...



- David, what happened?

- You wouldn't believe it.



- Who is it?

- [Nick] Nick!

- Oh, Nick, it's open.

- Aw, I missed saying
goodbye to Davey.

He's gone, huh?

- Well, not exactly gone.

- What do you mean, not exactly?


- [Ann] In here, Nick!

- Annie, hi.

- Nick, my friend.

Some Chateau Moreau?

- '76?

- Yeah!

It was a great
year, wasn't it, Ann?

- [Ann] Yeah.


- No, no, Bernie.

Bernie, that deal was a
three-picture commitment.

No, no.

Bernie, it did not
include the foreign rights.

Bernie, you're
not listening to me.

Thanks, you're a doll.

No, not you, Bernie.


- Annie, I just picked
up a quick one-shot

ad for Moreland's jewelers...
- Ssh!

He's talking long distance.

- Sorry.

This means $330 in
commissions just like that.

- Five million?

That's an insult.

- Five million
dollars is an insult?


- Bernie, I know
it's been three days.

- Is that all?


- Yeah, well,
I've tried, Bernie.

Every time I get up on
the knee, it gives out again.

Look, I could be
out of here tomorrow,

or it could be a
matter of weeks.


You never can tell
with these things.

Look, Bernie,
send me the papers.

I'll get back to you, all right?

Love you.

- Mail call!

I tell you, David, our
mailman is really impressed.

Express mail from Hollywood,

Special Delivery from New York,

a telegram from the
Cannes Film Festival?

- Anything for me?

- Oh, yeah.

Are you Resident, or Occupant?


- David, you didn't
finish your soup.

No tapioca for you.

Barbara, I've got a
lot of dishes to do.

Sweetheart, would
you help me please?

- Oh, Mom!

- Nick, you know, you
have no idea what I feel like

lying here while those two
wait on me hand and foot.


- Must be hell.

- I mean, Ann, giving me
her own bed and sleeping

on the rollaway
in Barbara's room,

and Schneider,
lending me this cane!

They're really
extraordinary people.

- Yeah.

Salt of the earth.

- And you?

What a beautiful guy you are.

I mean, stopping in here
every half hour the way you do.


- Well, you know, David,
I really care about you.

Somebody should
look at your knee.

- Oh, well, Ann
looks at it all the time.


- Well, actually, I have somebody
who should look at it also

It's Dr. DeAngelo.

He's the best trick knee
specialist in the whole Midwest.

- Nick, you know, I
really appreciate this.

You know, I'm
gonna put this with

the other cards you gave me,

the one for the
Ramada Inn and for

the ambulance
service to the airport.


- Hey, Nick, how's it going?

- Going?

What do you mean, going?

That guy is never going!

- Where are you
off to in such a huff?

- Okay, Schneider, I'm going
to take you into my confidence.

- No, no.

That's not necessary.

- Schneider, I don't
want you to repeat

a word I'm gonna say to you.

Just give me your lodge oath.

- Oh no, you don't
want the oath.

- Come on, Schneider.

Give me your lodge oath.

- Eeno-eeno whacky-whacky do.


- Okay, Schneider, old boy.

You get out the For Rent sign.

From now on, Annie and I
are sharing one apartment.

I am going to sweep
that lady right off her feet.

- Mom, are you all right?

You seem a little preoccupied.

- No, I'm fine, I'm fine.

- Then why are you
washing the eggshells?


- I like clean garbage, okay?


- Look, Mom, it's
really understandable

why you're a little off-center.

A new boyfriend upstairs, an
old boyfriend in the bedroom.

It's like a Harlequin novel.

- I'm gonna tell you something.

It's kind of fun.

Awful of me, isn't it?

But, it is kind of fun.

- Tell me something.

Do you have any regrets
about not marrying David?

- No, no.

I mean, when he first left,
yeah, sure I had second thoughts

but that was a long time ago

and I certainly wasn't
ready for marriage.

- David was.

- He sure was.




I think that's beautiful.

What's going on?



David, what are you doing?


(music box tinkling)

Oh, my god, you're
gonna propose to me again.


- This is not our
normal weekly proposal.

This is the biggie, Ann.

The whole enchilada.

Our future lives together.

Ann Romano, will you marry me?

- David...
- Ssh, before you answer me,

let me wind up the
music box again.

I think it's pooping out.


- I wonder what it would
be like saying no to a man?


About marriage, of course!


- Well, with David,
it wasn't easy.

- He certainly was persistent.

- Yeah, he was, but
that's what's wonderful

about Nick, you know?

He doesn't come on strong.

(doorbell ringing)

- Where's the man
who came to dinner?

- David's sleeping.

- Ah, good!


- Nick, is this the presentation
for the dairy account?

- Nope!

This is for you, my lady.

- Thank you.

- And this is a song
written especially for you,

Miss Annie Romano.

♪ Night and day
♪ You are the one

♪ Only you beneath the
moon and under the sun

- It's a catchy tune, Nick.

♪ In the roaring traffic boom

♪ In the silence
of my lonely room

- Oh my god!


Nick, you're not gonna get
down on one knee, are ya?

- Oh no, this is definitely a
double-knee occasion, Annie.

I want us to live together.

- Nick...
- No, no, no.

Don't say anything, Annie.

This is just the
beginning of what may be

a very long campaign
and Annie Romano,

in the roaring traffic's boom,

in the silence of
my lonely room,

I dream of you night and
day and day and night.


- Hi, David.

I thought you were sleeping.

- Yeah, I was.

I was awakened by the
roaring traffic's boom.


- You heard.

- Heard, are you kidding?

I wrote the script, remember?

As a matter of fact,

I think I still have a copy
of it in my back pocket.

- Oh, David.

- Annie, I just wanted
to tell you how terrific it is

seeing you again and
being here with you.

Well, I guess I'd better get
the old knee back into bed.

Goodnight, Ann.

- Goodnight, David.


- Hey there, Ms. Romano!

Ever see a moose in heat?


Yeah, you won't have any
more trouble with that chair.

- Thanks, Schneider.

So, how are things going?

- Oh, no you don't!

You're not getting
anything out of me!


- What are you talking about?

All I said was...

- I know what all you said!

Never mind!


You're not getting
nothing out of me!

I'm not talking!

- Schneider, do
me a favor, okay?

Don't go dingy on me.

First, Nick came in here...
- Nick?

Who said anything about Nick?

I never said Nick!

You said Nick!


I never said Nick!

You said!


- What is going on?

I mean, since David came...
- Oh, David!

Now, you switch
from Nick to David!

You think you're gonna trick
me with a little switchareeno!


No, no!

No Nick, no David!

- Schneider, sit!

Now, talk!

- Schneider, Dwayne F.,
torpedo man third class, USA.


That's all a Russian
girl got out of me and

that's all you're
gonna get out of me.

Well, the Russian
girl got a little more

out of me than that!



- [Ann] Thanks, Schneider,
you've been a big help.

- No, I haven't!


- Hi, Annie.

- Nick, I never cracked!

I never cracked!

- Ann, Ann, can I
have a word with you?

- I never said a word, David!

Never said a word!

- Never said a word about what?

- That I wasn't gonna
let you go, Annie.

- That I came back to get you.

- What?

- That he came
back to get you and

he wasn't gonna let you go.

- No, he never said a word.

- Annie, I want to
talk to you about that...

- I want to explain...

- I can't listen to both
of you at the same time.

- Why don't you
go first, Chubby?


- Thanks, David.

Look, Annie, last night
when I was playing the ukelele

and singing Cole Porter,
I don't know who that was

but it certainly wasn't me.

I mean, I don't even
like Cole Porter.

I care about you, Annie.

I care about you a lot,
but I was jealous last night.

I was crazy.

I don't want to live
with you, Annie.

I don't want to
live with anybody.

I liked our relationship
the way it was.

- So did I!

I mean, I liked our
relationship the way it was,

five years ago.

You know, I've
liked it for five years.

I've thought about
it for five years.

I've carried it with me
for five years, but Annie,

you see, we're not the
same people we were.

We've both changed.

I guess you just can't go
home again, so goodbye, Ann.

Say goodbye to Barbara for
me and thanks for the cane.

- You're welcome, Kane.


- Nick.

- David.

- You know, I just
feel so much better!

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, so do I.


- [Schneider] Later.


- What just went on here?

- Like they say, you know,
when it rains, it pours.


- What does that mean?

- You just got
dumped by two guys.



- Schneider, maybe we'd
better keep this in the family.

- Yeah.

- [Both] Eeno-eeno
whacky-whacky do!

Mollypan, mollypan!

Whoo whoo whoo!



("One Day At A Time")