One Day at a Time (1975–1984): Season 5, Episode 4 - Julie's Wedding: Part 2 - full transcript
Julie prepares for her wedding as the best man tells her how much he loves her. Who will she go down the aisle with?
♪ This is it ♪ This is it
♪ This is life, the one you get
♪ So go on and
have a ball ♪ This is it
♪ This is it
♪ Straight ahead
and rest assured
♪ You can't be sure at all
♪ So while you're
here enjoy the view
♪ Keep on doing what you do
♪ So hold on tight
we'll muddle through
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ So up on your
feet ♪ Up on your feet
♪ Somewhere
there's music playing
♪ Don't you worry none
♪ We'll just take
it like it comes
♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
- [Host] Here are some
scenes from last week's show.
- How did you know?
- How did I know what?
- That I'm getting married.
- You're getting married?
Who are you gonna marry?
- Mom, this is Fred Clinton.
- Hi Ms. Romano.
- Hello Fred.
- Julie Clinton, not bad.
- And oh, this is Max Horvath,
Fred's best friend.
The three in three's a crowd.
- [Ms. Romano] Hi.
- Listen Julie,
let me tell you something
straight out, okay?
You're phony!
Putting on this little miss
sweet act around Fred.
Ms. Sweet, come
on, give me a break.
- Okay.
Max would you like to
step out on the balcony?
- You don't have a balcony.
- I know.
So why don't you just
get out of here, okay?
I can see why you're
hanging on to Fred,
he's probably the only
friend you ever had.
- Okay, I'm going.
- Good.
- Great.
- Good.
- I'm on my way.
I'm practically out the door.
I just want o tell you one
more thing, okay Julie?
You're making a big mistake,
Fred is not right for you.
- How do you know
what is right for me?
- Because I love you.
And in case you hadn't noticed,
I think you love me too.
(studio audience applauding)
- I love him?
That is ridiculous, that
is the dumbest thing
I ever hear, mother, I
cannot stand that man.
- I got my stuff.
Where's Max?
- Shut up, Billie Jean.
- What's wrong with her?
- Oh God, I hope it's
not what I think it is.
- Hi, I mailed the invitations.
- (gasping) Wonderful.
- And where is my little angel?
- [Julie] That dumb,
stupid, egotistical ass.
- Even angels have off days.
- Julie, your
fiancee, Fred is here.
- Oh Fred, I have
missed you so much.
Don't ever leave me again.
- Where has he been?
- To the mailbox.
- Okay, what happened?
- Max loves her.
- Max loves her?
- Barbara!
- What is this?
- Okay, no secrets.
Your good old
buddy, your best man
just told me that he loves me.
- Great, I was afraid
you two weren't hitting
it off too well.
- Fred, you are
the sweetest guy.
- Or the dumbest.
(doorbell rings)
- I'll get it.
- Hi.
- What do you want?
- Is that any way to talk to
a man who brings flowers?
- (mumbles) flowers.
- Good, they're not for you.
Their for Barbara, after all,
it was very rude I did
ask her to play tennis
and then ran out on her.
Here, sorry.
- You're really sweet!
- I know.
- Max, can I talk
to you for a minute?
- Sure.
- In the hall.
- Excuse me again.
- Max, now this,
this is impossible.
- I know.
When are you gonna
tell Fred you love me?
- I do not love you.
- Why don't we just try
one kiss, just to make sure.
- No, not on an empty stomach.
- How about on the lips?
- Max.
- Listen, it's never
gonna work you know.
Fred will never be
able to handle you.
- Will you let me
be the judge of that?
- Listen, I'll tell you what,
let's be fair to
everybody, okay?
You and I could
take off right now,
get married, try
it for four days,
if it doesn't work I'll
have you back in time
to marry Fred (mumbles).
- Oh, you are
the most irritating.
- Julie?
- Hi grandma.
- My little Julie's
getting married.
And this is your young man.
- Right.
- Wrong.
- Ha ha ha ha
ha, a lover's spat.
Don't worry it just adds
zip to the honeymoon.
- You know, grandma, I
think I like you already.
- Grandma.
- He's so cute, I just love him.
- Grandma, this is Max.
- Max?
I thought his name was Fred.
Oh, your mother never
gets anything right.
Hi everybody.
- Grandma, hi.
- Hi mom, I didn't
expect you until Friday.
- And not have me help
you with the wedding?
Oh Julie, I think your
young man is just darling.
- Grandma, this is
my fiancee, Fred.
- Oh, oh my.
- Max is the best man.
- That's true.
(studio audience laughing)
- Well, you're cute too.
- It was a good year.
- It's nice to meet
you, Ms. Romano.
- Well, thank you.
- Ann tells me you're
gonna be a doctor.
I think that's just wonderful.
Serving humanity and
racking in all that money.
- Grandma.
- Oh Julie just think, you've
only known each other
seven days and now
you're getting married.
That's so romantic and so fast.
Why is it so fast?
- Mom, she's not pregnant.
- Good.
Emily Murphy owes
me five big ones.
Our little Julie,
19 getting married.
You know that's a
record in our family.
No Romano woman
ever waited that long.
- Yeah, we were all
beginning to worry.
- Oh gee, oh gee.
- Mom, Mom,
darling, what's wrong?
- I'm so happy.
I mean, little Julie
walking down the isle
of a little chapel.
- It's gonna be in the park.
- And I can just hear
the organ playing,
♪ Oh promise me - It's a flute.
- And father John standing.
In the park?
With a flute?
- Barbara would you get your
grandmother some towels?
- In the park in the
middle of winter?
- Mom, it's gonna be in the 60s.
- In the park?
What are the
people gonna sit on?
The teeter totter?
- Of course not, Mom,
Schneider's getting some chairs
form the funeral parlor.
- (gasping) I think
I'm hyperventilating.
- Mom, mom, come
on, let's get your things
to the girls room.
- [Fred] I'll get your bag.
- Thank you, Max.
- I'm Fred.
- Fred.
- Emily Marie's granddaughter
had six altar boys and
the whole cathedral choir.
I get a flute and some
dead man's chairs.
- Don't worry grandma,
everything's gonna
turn out just fine.
- Thank you, Fred.
- I'm Max.
- Max, Fred, whatever.
Fred.
Hey, he's cute,
you're so lucky girl.
- Would you stop making
a play for my grandmother?
- I'll see you at
rehearsal, mom.
- You are the...
He is the most...
You are the most infuriating.
I said the most infuriating.
- I love you.
- Max, you are making
this all very difficult.
- Julie, I'm trying to.
Listen, are you sure it's Fred?
You know there were
three of us up there
skiing, laughing, having
all that fun together
all the time.
Isn't it possible that
it was just my wit,
charm, and personality
that you fell for?
Couldn't you be in love with me?
Wait a minute, you
don't have to answer.
I just want you to
think about it, okay?
Okay, I'll see you later.
- Oh!
You were listening.
- Of course I was.
I'm planning on
getting you towels
and I wanted to know
which initial to use.
I suppose I could
always get towels
that read hers and who's.
- Mom, don't be silly.
- Am I being silly?
- You know, maybe
you're right, Fred,
I think the park would be nice.
It's like getting married
in God's cathedral.
- Emily Murphy will
eat her heart out.
- God's cathedral.
I wonder if we could...
no, maybe it would be too much.
Releasing a
flight of butterflies.
- Hey, we haven't ordered
the ribs and beans yet.
- The ribs and...
- For the reception.
- Weddings are
different now, Mom.
- Yeah grandma, we're
gonna need something solid
if we're gonna play volleyball.
- Ah, Barbara, get your
grandmother some water.
(grandma whistles)
- Barbara.
Barbara honey, just put a
little sherry in it baby, okay?
Ribs and beans!
- Mom, sit down.
- [Grandma] Volleyball.
- You know, I love your family.
It's a little weird,
but I love it.
- I love you.
See.
- Okay, okay, now
look you've all been
to wedding rehearsals
before, you more or less know
what to do, so let's
give it a shot, okay?
Now, ushers,
bridesmaids over there
and where's the
father of the bride?
- Oh, he's in New
York in a meeting.
He'll be here in the morning.
- Oh, is somebody gonna
stand in for him today?
- I'm sorry I'm late.
(studio audience applauding)
I had an emergency,
a real emergency.
I had to meet Ms. Peterson,
left the window open all night.
Her false teeth
froze in the glass.
She got up to get a
drink she bit her own lip.
- Speaking of freezing.
- The newspaper said it
should be warmer tomorrow.
- If it isn't, this marriage
won't be consummated
until next June.
- I'm very comfortable.
- It's your hots for me
that keeps you warm.
- Shh.
- Okay, okay, you,
back there with the bride.
- Who are you, the shop steward?
- Schneider, this
is the minister.
- Oh oh, listen Mr. Pastor,
in case you're wondering
why I'm standing in
for the father, it's just
during the rehearsal.
There's nothing going
on between me and...
We're friends, you
know, we're friends,
but there's no hanky panky.
- I would really appreciate.
- I come in and take care
of her plumbing and that's it.
(studio audience laughing)
- Great cook.
- Max, please.
- Okay, okay, so what?
I can't help the way I feel.
- Julie, come on.
- Alrighty now.
The music starts and let's see,
the groom and the
best man come in.
A maid of honor over there.
- Yeah.
- Right.
And we begin with the father
leading the bride down the isle.
- Okay, you ready?
- Aha.
- And... ♪ Dum dum di dum
- This might be my only chance
to take a daughter
down the isle.
- Ah, Schneider.
- [Grandma] I'm freezing.
(studio audience laughing)
- Okay now, let's see.
Dearly beloved we
are gathered together
et cetera, et cetera,
et cetera, et cetera.
Giving ourselves love
so and so and so on
and I get to who
gives this woman
into holy matrimony and
the parents say, we do.
- We do.
- I don't.
Come on, will you look at them?
They're just a couple of kids.
I mean, what do
I know about life,
war, and (mumbles)
taxes, raising a home?
You know, you should
have given them a tool chest
instead of that television set
you got hidden in my room.
- A TV?
Mom, thank you.
- Alrighty now look, look now.
The bride, she joins the groom.
Maid of honor up
beside the bride
and best man this
side of the groom
and we are consecrated
aha, aha, aha.
We are born by love, aha,
aha, aha, aha, aha, aha.
And then you say the vows and...
- Oh, can we practice them?
- Now?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, come on.
- I don't know if I know them.
- They wrote their own vows.
- Awe!
- Julie, you are my
beloved and my friend
and I choose you
above all others
to share life with me.
And I promise to share
my life openly with you.
And just to speak
the truth and love.
To speak the truth and love,
to honor and
tenderly care for you,
to grow with you in
love and understanding.
- Grow old along with me,
the best is yet to be.
- Julie.
- Oh.
Fred, you are my
beloved and my friend
and I choose you above all
to share my life with me.
And I promise...
I don't want to
get married, okay?
Forget it, the wedding is off.
(studio audience applauding)
- No, daddy, I don't
think she wants to come
to the phone right now.
But it is off, no wedding.
Just have fun at the convention.
I love you too, buh-bye.
- Well, I called Ed's folks
and canceled the minister.
- I'll start phoning the guests.
- And I'll tell Emily
the groom died
saving a child from
a burning house.
- Alright Julie, one last time.
Are you sure you
want to call this off?
- Yes.
I can't marry Fred if
I'm in love with Max.
- Okay, you love Max?
- I hate him.
I love Fred.
- Julie, this may
be a radical thought,
but one good way to
make a marriage work
is to know who
you want to marry.
- I love them both.
- Can't love both of them.
- I can too.
- Alright then you love
them in different ways,
but you certainly can't
marry both of them.
- All you care about
is the wedding.
- I do not care
about the wedding.
- I knew it.
- Oh there, there, honey.
This will all work out.
Your mother's
just being irrational.
- Right, we'll find
something to do
with 30 quarts of beans.
- Oh, the caterer.
- Mom, there's
something we're forgetting.
(doorbell rings)
- Would you get that?
- [Barbara] Yes.
- [Group Of Women] Surprise!
- The kitchen shower,
that's what it was.
- I can't talk to them now.
- [Ms. Romano] Barbara,
okay here, take this.
Take them out to
dinner, get rid of them.
- No, no, get the lute first.
- [Group Of Women] Surprise!
- [Barbara] Oh girls, did
you keep your receipts?
- But I don't want
to go with them.
- I guess I did it
again, huh Mom?
- Oh my Julie, it
wouldn't be your wedding
if it wasn't all screwed up.
- There isn't even
gonna be a wedding.
You know, it's funny,
they're such different guys.
It doesn't make any sense.
- Love seldom does, my darling,
but marriage should.
- Ever since I was a little kid,
I've had this image of what
the ideal husband should be.
Kind, good looking, athletic,
soft spoken, responsible.
It all adds up to Fred.
- Then along comes Max.
- What should I do.
- Well, first of all,
I suggest that you
tell Fred all about it,
explain it to him.
From what I can see, he's a
very understanding person.
He's certainly patient.
- Yes, he's very patient.
And he's understanding.
He cares about me, he
wants me to be happy.
Why am I giving him up?
Thank you Mom, thank you.
The wedding is on.
- Whoa, Julie, one word from me
does not bring on the
biggest decision of your life.
- Listen, when I came
home, I was in love with Fred,
I still am.
I was just a nervous bride
having a few last minute qualms.
Believe me Mom, I
am positively sure.
The kitchen shower,
I've got to go find Barbara.
- Julie, look, maybe
this is all for the best.
You should take some
time and think about it.
- Believe me, mother,
I am in love with Max.
Fred.
In love with Fred.
- Oh, what a perfect
day for a wedding.
Now admit it, Emily, isn't
this a beautiful setting?
- My buns are freezing.
- Come on now, it's lovely.
The sky, the trees,
it's God's cathedral.
- I think God just
hit a home run.
- Oh hello there little boy.
Listen, would
you tell your coach
that there's a
wedding going on here
and if one more
ball comes rolling up
I'm gonna take it
and, well, he'll know.
(studio audience laughing)
- Romano, are you
sure that Julie's dad
can't make the wedding?
- Yes.
Schneider, we can't get
a hold of him, we tried.
- I gotta tell you, that
really makes me glad.
Because giving Julie away is one
of the happiest days of my life.
It's like when I was
a little kid, you know.
My caterpillar
turned into a morgue.
You gotta let 'em go,
they'll eat your soup.
(studio audience laughing)
- Mom, Schneider, here she is.
- Oh, wow!
Wow!
- Yeah, wow.
You're lovely.
- Thank you, Mom.
Well, I've got the tears,
I might as well
start down the isle.
- Yeah.
(soft flute music)
- Isn't she beautiful?
Remember her wedding?
- Yes, it was warm.
- That's your cue.
- Okay.
I love you, sis.
- I love you too.
- Have a good one.
- Get out there.
- I'll be right outside for you.
- Julie.
- Max, whatever
you came in here for,
I don't want to hear it.
Just leave me alone.
- Julie, I love you,
and I'm not a hypocrite,
I just can't be in this wedding.
- Good, leave the
ring on the way out.
- Alright, alright,
I'm not gonna stand up there
and help you make the
biggest mistake of your life.
- The biggest mistake of my life
was thinking I was
in love with you.
Fred, hi.
- You're in love with him?
- Yes, she loves me.
I'm sorry Fred.
- Julie.
Is that true?
- [Max] Yes, it's true,
she's too damn
dingy to admit it.
- [Julie] Dingy?
- [Fred] I'm asking Julie.
Don't you think she knows
who she's in love with?
- [Max] She doesn't.
- [Julie] Listen, we're
having a wedding,
will you stop bugging me.
- Excuse me, excuse me.
- Julie.
- Listen, why don't
you have the argument
after you get married?
- Who asked you?
- You just keep
out of this, pops.
- How would you like
my rose in your nose?
- Julie, what is going on?
- Nothing, the wedding is off.
- Off?
Julie, what the hell are
you doing with your life?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ms. Romano,
take it easy there.
Don't yell at
Julie, it is her life.
And if you're gonna
be my mother-in-law,
you're gonna have to learn
to mind your own business.
- Your mother-in-law?
Julie, now he says that
you're in love with him.
Now which is it?
- Julie, forget the wedding,
forget all those
people out there.
Forget the ring, it's your life.
Now who do you
want to share it with?
(soft flute music)
- Together in love
and understanding.
Grow old with me,
the best is yet to be.
(studio audience applauding)
- [Minister] And now for
the exchanging of the rings.
- One little thing bothers me.
Does Max have a
marriage license?
- No, but their getting
married again Monday
by a judge.
- What about the
honeymoon tonight?
- Don't ask.
(studio audience laughing)
- [Minister] And with
the joining of hands,
the expression of lasting
friendship and equality,
I pronounce that you
are husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
(studio audience applauding)
- Oh Mom, she's so beautiful.
It's all been so crazy, I
hadn't even had the chance
to talk to her.
- Knowing Julie, what
could you possibly say
to her anyway?
- I love you, I think Max
may just be the right guy.
I'm here if you need me.
I'm here even if you don't.
Be happy.
(studio audience applauding)
(upbeat instrumental music)
♪ This is life, the one you get
♪ So go on and
have a ball ♪ This is it
♪ This is it
♪ Straight ahead
and rest assured
♪ You can't be sure at all
♪ So while you're
here enjoy the view
♪ Keep on doing what you do
♪ So hold on tight
we'll muddle through
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ So up on your
feet ♪ Up on your feet
♪ Somewhere
there's music playing
♪ Don't you worry none
♪ We'll just take
it like it comes
♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time
♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time
- [Host] Here are some
scenes from last week's show.
- How did you know?
- How did I know what?
- That I'm getting married.
- You're getting married?
Who are you gonna marry?
- Mom, this is Fred Clinton.
- Hi Ms. Romano.
- Hello Fred.
- Julie Clinton, not bad.
- And oh, this is Max Horvath,
Fred's best friend.
The three in three's a crowd.
- [Ms. Romano] Hi.
- Listen Julie,
let me tell you something
straight out, okay?
You're phony!
Putting on this little miss
sweet act around Fred.
Ms. Sweet, come
on, give me a break.
- Okay.
Max would you like to
step out on the balcony?
- You don't have a balcony.
- I know.
So why don't you just
get out of here, okay?
I can see why you're
hanging on to Fred,
he's probably the only
friend you ever had.
- Okay, I'm going.
- Good.
- Great.
- Good.
- I'm on my way.
I'm practically out the door.
I just want o tell you one
more thing, okay Julie?
You're making a big mistake,
Fred is not right for you.
- How do you know
what is right for me?
- Because I love you.
And in case you hadn't noticed,
I think you love me too.
(studio audience applauding)
- I love him?
That is ridiculous, that
is the dumbest thing
I ever hear, mother, I
cannot stand that man.
- I got my stuff.
Where's Max?
- Shut up, Billie Jean.
- What's wrong with her?
- Oh God, I hope it's
not what I think it is.
- Hi, I mailed the invitations.
- (gasping) Wonderful.
- And where is my little angel?
- [Julie] That dumb,
stupid, egotistical ass.
- Even angels have off days.
- Julie, your
fiancee, Fred is here.
- Oh Fred, I have
missed you so much.
Don't ever leave me again.
- Where has he been?
- To the mailbox.
- Okay, what happened?
- Max loves her.
- Max loves her?
- Barbara!
- What is this?
- Okay, no secrets.
Your good old
buddy, your best man
just told me that he loves me.
- Great, I was afraid
you two weren't hitting
it off too well.
- Fred, you are
the sweetest guy.
- Or the dumbest.
(doorbell rings)
- I'll get it.
- Hi.
- What do you want?
- Is that any way to talk to
a man who brings flowers?
- (mumbles) flowers.
- Good, they're not for you.
Their for Barbara, after all,
it was very rude I did
ask her to play tennis
and then ran out on her.
Here, sorry.
- You're really sweet!
- I know.
- Max, can I talk
to you for a minute?
- Sure.
- In the hall.
- Excuse me again.
- Max, now this,
this is impossible.
- I know.
When are you gonna
tell Fred you love me?
- I do not love you.
- Why don't we just try
one kiss, just to make sure.
- No, not on an empty stomach.
- How about on the lips?
- Max.
- Listen, it's never
gonna work you know.
Fred will never be
able to handle you.
- Will you let me
be the judge of that?
- Listen, I'll tell you what,
let's be fair to
everybody, okay?
You and I could
take off right now,
get married, try
it for four days,
if it doesn't work I'll
have you back in time
to marry Fred (mumbles).
- Oh, you are
the most irritating.
- Julie?
- Hi grandma.
- My little Julie's
getting married.
And this is your young man.
- Right.
- Wrong.
- Ha ha ha ha
ha, a lover's spat.
Don't worry it just adds
zip to the honeymoon.
- You know, grandma, I
think I like you already.
- Grandma.
- He's so cute, I just love him.
- Grandma, this is Max.
- Max?
I thought his name was Fred.
Oh, your mother never
gets anything right.
Hi everybody.
- Grandma, hi.
- Hi mom, I didn't
expect you until Friday.
- And not have me help
you with the wedding?
Oh Julie, I think your
young man is just darling.
- Grandma, this is
my fiancee, Fred.
- Oh, oh my.
- Max is the best man.
- That's true.
(studio audience laughing)
- Well, you're cute too.
- It was a good year.
- It's nice to meet
you, Ms. Romano.
- Well, thank you.
- Ann tells me you're
gonna be a doctor.
I think that's just wonderful.
Serving humanity and
racking in all that money.
- Grandma.
- Oh Julie just think, you've
only known each other
seven days and now
you're getting married.
That's so romantic and so fast.
Why is it so fast?
- Mom, she's not pregnant.
- Good.
Emily Murphy owes
me five big ones.
Our little Julie,
19 getting married.
You know that's a
record in our family.
No Romano woman
ever waited that long.
- Yeah, we were all
beginning to worry.
- Oh gee, oh gee.
- Mom, Mom,
darling, what's wrong?
- I'm so happy.
I mean, little Julie
walking down the isle
of a little chapel.
- It's gonna be in the park.
- And I can just hear
the organ playing,
♪ Oh promise me - It's a flute.
- And father John standing.
In the park?
With a flute?
- Barbara would you get your
grandmother some towels?
- In the park in the
middle of winter?
- Mom, it's gonna be in the 60s.
- In the park?
What are the
people gonna sit on?
The teeter totter?
- Of course not, Mom,
Schneider's getting some chairs
form the funeral parlor.
- (gasping) I think
I'm hyperventilating.
- Mom, mom, come
on, let's get your things
to the girls room.
- [Fred] I'll get your bag.
- Thank you, Max.
- I'm Fred.
- Fred.
- Emily Marie's granddaughter
had six altar boys and
the whole cathedral choir.
I get a flute and some
dead man's chairs.
- Don't worry grandma,
everything's gonna
turn out just fine.
- Thank you, Fred.
- I'm Max.
- Max, Fred, whatever.
Fred.
Hey, he's cute,
you're so lucky girl.
- Would you stop making
a play for my grandmother?
- I'll see you at
rehearsal, mom.
- You are the...
He is the most...
You are the most infuriating.
I said the most infuriating.
- I love you.
- Max, you are making
this all very difficult.
- Julie, I'm trying to.
Listen, are you sure it's Fred?
You know there were
three of us up there
skiing, laughing, having
all that fun together
all the time.
Isn't it possible that
it was just my wit,
charm, and personality
that you fell for?
Couldn't you be in love with me?
Wait a minute, you
don't have to answer.
I just want you to
think about it, okay?
Okay, I'll see you later.
- Oh!
You were listening.
- Of course I was.
I'm planning on
getting you towels
and I wanted to know
which initial to use.
I suppose I could
always get towels
that read hers and who's.
- Mom, don't be silly.
- Am I being silly?
- You know, maybe
you're right, Fred,
I think the park would be nice.
It's like getting married
in God's cathedral.
- Emily Murphy will
eat her heart out.
- God's cathedral.
I wonder if we could...
no, maybe it would be too much.
Releasing a
flight of butterflies.
- Hey, we haven't ordered
the ribs and beans yet.
- The ribs and...
- For the reception.
- Weddings are
different now, Mom.
- Yeah grandma, we're
gonna need something solid
if we're gonna play volleyball.
- Ah, Barbara, get your
grandmother some water.
(grandma whistles)
- Barbara.
Barbara honey, just put a
little sherry in it baby, okay?
Ribs and beans!
- Mom, sit down.
- [Grandma] Volleyball.
- You know, I love your family.
It's a little weird,
but I love it.
- I love you.
See.
- Okay, okay, now
look you've all been
to wedding rehearsals
before, you more or less know
what to do, so let's
give it a shot, okay?
Now, ushers,
bridesmaids over there
and where's the
father of the bride?
- Oh, he's in New
York in a meeting.
He'll be here in the morning.
- Oh, is somebody gonna
stand in for him today?
- I'm sorry I'm late.
(studio audience applauding)
I had an emergency,
a real emergency.
I had to meet Ms. Peterson,
left the window open all night.
Her false teeth
froze in the glass.
She got up to get a
drink she bit her own lip.
- Speaking of freezing.
- The newspaper said it
should be warmer tomorrow.
- If it isn't, this marriage
won't be consummated
until next June.
- I'm very comfortable.
- It's your hots for me
that keeps you warm.
- Shh.
- Okay, okay, you,
back there with the bride.
- Who are you, the shop steward?
- Schneider, this
is the minister.
- Oh oh, listen Mr. Pastor,
in case you're wondering
why I'm standing in
for the father, it's just
during the rehearsal.
There's nothing going
on between me and...
We're friends, you
know, we're friends,
but there's no hanky panky.
- I would really appreciate.
- I come in and take care
of her plumbing and that's it.
(studio audience laughing)
- Great cook.
- Max, please.
- Okay, okay, so what?
I can't help the way I feel.
- Julie, come on.
- Alrighty now.
The music starts and let's see,
the groom and the
best man come in.
A maid of honor over there.
- Yeah.
- Right.
And we begin with the father
leading the bride down the isle.
- Okay, you ready?
- Aha.
- And... ♪ Dum dum di dum
- This might be my only chance
to take a daughter
down the isle.
- Ah, Schneider.
- [Grandma] I'm freezing.
(studio audience laughing)
- Okay now, let's see.
Dearly beloved we
are gathered together
et cetera, et cetera,
et cetera, et cetera.
Giving ourselves love
so and so and so on
and I get to who
gives this woman
into holy matrimony and
the parents say, we do.
- We do.
- I don't.
Come on, will you look at them?
They're just a couple of kids.
I mean, what do
I know about life,
war, and (mumbles)
taxes, raising a home?
You know, you should
have given them a tool chest
instead of that television set
you got hidden in my room.
- A TV?
Mom, thank you.
- Alrighty now look, look now.
The bride, she joins the groom.
Maid of honor up
beside the bride
and best man this
side of the groom
and we are consecrated
aha, aha, aha.
We are born by love, aha,
aha, aha, aha, aha, aha.
And then you say the vows and...
- Oh, can we practice them?
- Now?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, come on.
- I don't know if I know them.
- They wrote their own vows.
- Awe!
- Julie, you are my
beloved and my friend
and I choose you
above all others
to share life with me.
And I promise to share
my life openly with you.
And just to speak
the truth and love.
To speak the truth and love,
to honor and
tenderly care for you,
to grow with you in
love and understanding.
- Grow old along with me,
the best is yet to be.
- Julie.
- Oh.
Fred, you are my
beloved and my friend
and I choose you above all
to share my life with me.
And I promise...
I don't want to
get married, okay?
Forget it, the wedding is off.
(studio audience applauding)
- No, daddy, I don't
think she wants to come
to the phone right now.
But it is off, no wedding.
Just have fun at the convention.
I love you too, buh-bye.
- Well, I called Ed's folks
and canceled the minister.
- I'll start phoning the guests.
- And I'll tell Emily
the groom died
saving a child from
a burning house.
- Alright Julie, one last time.
Are you sure you
want to call this off?
- Yes.
I can't marry Fred if
I'm in love with Max.
- Okay, you love Max?
- I hate him.
I love Fred.
- Julie, this may
be a radical thought,
but one good way to
make a marriage work
is to know who
you want to marry.
- I love them both.
- Can't love both of them.
- I can too.
- Alright then you love
them in different ways,
but you certainly can't
marry both of them.
- All you care about
is the wedding.
- I do not care
about the wedding.
- I knew it.
- Oh there, there, honey.
This will all work out.
Your mother's
just being irrational.
- Right, we'll find
something to do
with 30 quarts of beans.
- Oh, the caterer.
- Mom, there's
something we're forgetting.
(doorbell rings)
- Would you get that?
- [Barbara] Yes.
- [Group Of Women] Surprise!
- The kitchen shower,
that's what it was.
- I can't talk to them now.
- [Ms. Romano] Barbara,
okay here, take this.
Take them out to
dinner, get rid of them.
- No, no, get the lute first.
- [Group Of Women] Surprise!
- [Barbara] Oh girls, did
you keep your receipts?
- But I don't want
to go with them.
- I guess I did it
again, huh Mom?
- Oh my Julie, it
wouldn't be your wedding
if it wasn't all screwed up.
- There isn't even
gonna be a wedding.
You know, it's funny,
they're such different guys.
It doesn't make any sense.
- Love seldom does, my darling,
but marriage should.
- Ever since I was a little kid,
I've had this image of what
the ideal husband should be.
Kind, good looking, athletic,
soft spoken, responsible.
It all adds up to Fred.
- Then along comes Max.
- What should I do.
- Well, first of all,
I suggest that you
tell Fred all about it,
explain it to him.
From what I can see, he's a
very understanding person.
He's certainly patient.
- Yes, he's very patient.
And he's understanding.
He cares about me, he
wants me to be happy.
Why am I giving him up?
Thank you Mom, thank you.
The wedding is on.
- Whoa, Julie, one word from me
does not bring on the
biggest decision of your life.
- Listen, when I came
home, I was in love with Fred,
I still am.
I was just a nervous bride
having a few last minute qualms.
Believe me Mom, I
am positively sure.
The kitchen shower,
I've got to go find Barbara.
- Julie, look, maybe
this is all for the best.
You should take some
time and think about it.
- Believe me, mother,
I am in love with Max.
Fred.
In love with Fred.
- Oh, what a perfect
day for a wedding.
Now admit it, Emily, isn't
this a beautiful setting?
- My buns are freezing.
- Come on now, it's lovely.
The sky, the trees,
it's God's cathedral.
- I think God just
hit a home run.
- Oh hello there little boy.
Listen, would
you tell your coach
that there's a
wedding going on here
and if one more
ball comes rolling up
I'm gonna take it
and, well, he'll know.
(studio audience laughing)
- Romano, are you
sure that Julie's dad
can't make the wedding?
- Yes.
Schneider, we can't get
a hold of him, we tried.
- I gotta tell you, that
really makes me glad.
Because giving Julie away is one
of the happiest days of my life.
It's like when I was
a little kid, you know.
My caterpillar
turned into a morgue.
You gotta let 'em go,
they'll eat your soup.
(studio audience laughing)
- Mom, Schneider, here she is.
- Oh, wow!
Wow!
- Yeah, wow.
You're lovely.
- Thank you, Mom.
Well, I've got the tears,
I might as well
start down the isle.
- Yeah.
(soft flute music)
- Isn't she beautiful?
Remember her wedding?
- Yes, it was warm.
- That's your cue.
- Okay.
I love you, sis.
- I love you too.
- Have a good one.
- Get out there.
- I'll be right outside for you.
- Julie.
- Max, whatever
you came in here for,
I don't want to hear it.
Just leave me alone.
- Julie, I love you,
and I'm not a hypocrite,
I just can't be in this wedding.
- Good, leave the
ring on the way out.
- Alright, alright,
I'm not gonna stand up there
and help you make the
biggest mistake of your life.
- The biggest mistake of my life
was thinking I was
in love with you.
Fred, hi.
- You're in love with him?
- Yes, she loves me.
I'm sorry Fred.
- Julie.
Is that true?
- [Max] Yes, it's true,
she's too damn
dingy to admit it.
- [Julie] Dingy?
- [Fred] I'm asking Julie.
Don't you think she knows
who she's in love with?
- [Max] She doesn't.
- [Julie] Listen, we're
having a wedding,
will you stop bugging me.
- Excuse me, excuse me.
- Julie.
- Listen, why don't
you have the argument
after you get married?
- Who asked you?
- You just keep
out of this, pops.
- How would you like
my rose in your nose?
- Julie, what is going on?
- Nothing, the wedding is off.
- Off?
Julie, what the hell are
you doing with your life?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ms. Romano,
take it easy there.
Don't yell at
Julie, it is her life.
And if you're gonna
be my mother-in-law,
you're gonna have to learn
to mind your own business.
- Your mother-in-law?
Julie, now he says that
you're in love with him.
Now which is it?
- Julie, forget the wedding,
forget all those
people out there.
Forget the ring, it's your life.
Now who do you
want to share it with?
(soft flute music)
- Together in love
and understanding.
Grow old with me,
the best is yet to be.
(studio audience applauding)
- [Minister] And now for
the exchanging of the rings.
- One little thing bothers me.
Does Max have a
marriage license?
- No, but their getting
married again Monday
by a judge.
- What about the
honeymoon tonight?
- Don't ask.
(studio audience laughing)
- [Minister] And with
the joining of hands,
the expression of lasting
friendship and equality,
I pronounce that you
are husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
(studio audience applauding)
- Oh Mom, she's so beautiful.
It's all been so crazy, I
hadn't even had the chance
to talk to her.
- Knowing Julie, what
could you possibly say
to her anyway?
- I love you, I think Max
may just be the right guy.
I'm here if you need me.
I'm here even if you don't.
Be happy.
(studio audience applauding)
(upbeat instrumental music)