One Day at a Time (1975–1984): Season 5, Episode 16 - Old Horizons - full transcript

Grandma moves into town, takes an apartment nearby and gets a job in Ann's office.

♪ This is it, this is it

♪ This is life the one you get

♪ So go and have a ball

♪ This is it, this is it

♪ Straight ahead
and rest assured

♪ You can't be sure at all

♪ So while you're
here enjoy the view

♪ Keep on doing what you do

♪ Hold on tight
we'll muddle through

♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time

♪ So up on your
feet, up on your feet

♪ Somewhere
there's music playing

♪ Don't you worry none

♪ Just take it like it comes

♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time

♪ One day at a time

♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time

♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time

- It's true.
- I know.

(door slams)

- Barbara, honey.

Do you notice
anything different?

- The fern has been dusted.

- And there's the telltale
aroma of mothballs...

- And Toll House cookies.
- Cookies.

- [Both] Hi, Grandma.

- Hi girls.

Oh, Annie.

And Barbara.

- Well Mom, we weren't
expecting you as usual.

- Well Schneider let me in.

- So where's Grandpa?

- Right now, Grandpa
is back in Logansport

getting everything
ready for our big surprise.

- What big surprise?

- Just the most exciting thing

that's ever happened
to this family.

Sit down, sit down, sit down.

I can't wait to tell you.

I just, I cannot
wait to tell you.


Well so, how you've been Annie?

- Did she skip something,
or did I fall asleep right there?

- Well I can't just
blurt it right out

and I want you to
be the first to know.

- Did you tell them the
news yet, Grandma?

- How about the
second and the third?

- Isn't it fantastic?

- She hasn't told
us anything yet.

- She hasn't, you haven't?

I wanna see their faces
when you tell them.

- Get set.

- Here it comes.

- Dad is retiring.

- Ta-da!

- That is terrific.


I mean Daddy's
talked about retiring

more often than Frank Sinatra.

- But you haven't
heard the best part.


- Well?

- We're selling the house.

- The Romano's are
leaving Logansport.

- I should've known.

Arizona, right?

- That's all Grandpa has
talked about for years.

- You know Mom, I got
to tell you something.

I'm gonna miss you.

It's been nice knowing
that you've only been

about an hour away from here.

- Oh honey, we knew
you'd feel that way,

so we compromised.

- Compromised between
Arizona and Logansport?

- We found the perfect, I
mean the perfect place to retire.


- Indianapolis?

This Indianapolis?

My Indianapolis?

Indianapolis, Indiana?

- Oh Grandma, that's
super, now isn't it Mom?

- Uh huh.

- We've got our eye on a place
just a couple of blocks away.

- Yeah, but why so far away?

I mean, I can give
you apartment 302.

It's right downstairs.


It's exactly like this one.

- Exactly like this one?
- Exactly.

- I think I'll look
around a little bit.

- Mom, what about
Daddy's dream about moving

to Arizona someday?

- Oh he's going, someday.

We bought a cemetery
plot in Sun City.

- What a lucky guy.

- Annie, I want to make
one thing perfectly clear

right from the start.

We know you have
your own life to lead,

and we don't expect you
to go out of your way for us.

- I appreciate that, Mom.

- Of course, you could drop
by for dinner now and then.

When you're not too busy.

- Well, sure.

- Maybe once a week.

- I don't know
about once a week...

- Wednesdays would be nice.

- Wednesdays are fine with me.

- Do not scratch Grandma's
end table, Barbara.

- She gave it to
you, it's your table.

- Then why is she
always waxing it?

If they had no room
in their apartment,

why didn't they get rid of it?

- Because she said
it's family and that

you've always loved it.

- [Ann] I've always hated it.

- Why would you hate this table?

- I don't hate the table.

Do I look like the
kind of person who

goes around hating tables?

- Oh no, no no.

You look like the kind of
person who goes around

being very uptight for
the past three weeks,

ever since Grandpa and
Grandma moved to this town.

Look, Ma.

We both know what's bugging you.

Why don't you just sit down
and have a talk with her?

- Oh come on, Barbara.

What do you know about
dealing with a mother?

I have always loved my mother.

And I have always loved
knowing she was well and happy.

In Logansport.

- I know.

Sometimes you feel as though
she never wants you to grow up.

- Doesn't she realize that I
am a grown woman with two...

- Children?

- Grown women.
- Right, thank you.

- Ann, Barbara, Grandma's here.

Hide the men.

It's all right honey,
I have my own key.

- Schneider gave you
a key to my apartment?

- Isn't that thoughtful?

- Jeez Mom, you don't
want to be lugging around

this big old heavy key, do you?

- Right Grandma, now
you know that we're

always gonna let
you in, right Mom?


- [Ann] Sure.

- I know, but what
if you're not home?

Annie dear, I thought
that lamp would look

perfect in Barbara's bedroom.

On that maple nightstand.

- What maple nightstand?

- Well, Schneider's
bringing it over later.

- Mom, this is my apartment
and I want to decorate it.

- Oh, and I think
you should, dear.


Annie, honey, I brought
you a little leftover pot roast.


- Leftover?

From what, Mom, the eighth army?

- Honey, your dad's on a
diet and I hate pot roast.

Please take it.

- Grandma, look, I'm not even
gonna be here this weekend.

I'm going skiing
with a few friends.

- A few friends?

That includes boys.

- Yes.

- Weekend, that means overnight.

- Yeah.

- Mom, Barbara's old enough...

- That is what worries me.

There are chaperones.

- Oh yes, there's chaperones.

There's Mike and
Linda, they're older.

They're 23.

- How long have they been
married, this Mike and Linda?

- Oh, they're not married
but they live together.

Grandma, you'd
really like Linda.

She's an ex-nun.

Grandma, look, I really
have to go because

they're gonna meet me
downstairs but please,

don't worry, okay?

- Don't worry?

I know what goes on
in those ski resorts.

Skinny dipping in the jacuzzi.

Zipped together sleeping bags.

Hot buttered rum with a
hot buttered ski instructor.

Damn, I was born
30 years too soon.

- Mother, darling...
- What?

- We've got to talk.

- We do.
- Yes.

There is a real problem.

- I know.

- About this retirement.

- I was afraid of this.

- [Ann] Well,
we'd better face it.

- You're right.

Annie, what are we going
to do about your father?

- What?

- Do you know what
it's like having someone

always underfoot?

Every time you turn around,
they're right behind you?

- Yeah Mom, I do.

You're looking good.

- Now, don't you listen to her.

Annie, now I know
why I got along so well

with your father
all these years.

He was hardly ever home.

Oh, what a wonderful marriage.

- Mom, he was home
on the weekends.

- I know, and thank
god for his workshop.

I mean, who cares if he
spent 40 years in the cellar

and never built anything?

- Mother, this is not
exactly what I meant.

- I used to have a
big house to clean.

Dogs and kids to pick up after.

And now there's just
not enough for me to do

in that little apartment.

Even your dad just
can't drag in enough dirt.


God knows he tries.

- Mom, maybe you
should get out more.

- Well, I could try to get
over here more often.

- No Mom, that's
not what I meant.

I meant get out
and do something.

Get a job.

- A job?
- Yeah.

- Oh no honey,
there's plenty enough

to keep me busy
right around here.

Oh Annie, I just don't know
what I would do without you.

Honey, what have you been
feeding this plant, Cheez Its?

- Mom, think about the job.




My mother?

I asked her not to
call me at the office.

What do you mean,
she didn't call?

- Honey?

- Thank you.

- I'm sorry to bother you.

- [Ann] Hi, Mom.

- I was thinking about
what you said the other day.

About getting a job?

- And?

- And I changed my mind.

I figured, what
the hell, go for it.

- Mom, I think that
is terrific, really.

You're a natural
mother so, how about a

nursery school or
a daycare center?

- Oh you know, that
all sounds so lovely

except for one thing.

All those brats.

- Excuse me, M-S Romano.

- Oh Mr. Connors, I'd like
you to meet my mother.

Mom, this is my
boss, Mr. Connors.

- Oh, I just had a long
talk with M-R-S Romano.

I just hired her.

She's our new receptionist.

- I'll give your
proposal a lot of thought

and let you know
tomorrow, Mr. Connors.

- Thank you, Mr. Berovsky.

- Harry.

- Claude.

- Katherine.

- Right.

- Yes.

Where are you
staying in town, Harry?

- I don't know yet.

- The Biltmore, room 1017.

I reserved a nice room
near the ice machine.

- Well, that's very
thoughtful of you.

- No trouble at all.

And your top coat is all fixed.

That button will
never come off again.

- What wonderful service
you've got here, Claude.

- You keep that
coat buttoned up.

It's nippy outside.

- Mrs. Romano.

About all these pictures
you've decorated

your cozy little corner
with the past few weeks.

- Oh Katherine, I
really enjoyed seeing

those snaps of
your grandchildren.

And thanks a lot
for looking at mine.

- What a lovely man.

Two boys and a girl,
seven grandchildren.

What were you saying about
the pictures of my family?

- Oh, cute kids, very
cute Mrs. Romano.

- Oh Mrs. Romano
sounds so formal.

Don't you feel like
calling me Katherine?

- For some inexplicable reason,

I feel like calling you Mother.

- Excuse me.

- Oh, can I help you, dear?

- I have an appointment
with Ann Romano.

- Oh, are you lucky.

I mean, she's
always so darn busy.

- Yes, I imagine.

- Yes, she's probably
our top account executive.

I mean, she's just
so darn competent.

- Yeah well, she
seems very efficient.

- Yes, and she's always
been a real achiever.

I mean, look at this.

Here she is, leading the
Logansport kindergarten band.

And when she was in
the Brownie Scouts, my...

- It's very, very nice.

Would you tell
her that I'm here?

Chet Raymond?

- Right.

Mr. Raymond is here to see you.

Right, okay.

Now, age?

- What?

- Your age.

- Oh.


- Perfect.

Married or single?

- Married.

- Oh, rats.

- Chet hi, come on in.

I hope you haven't
been waiting too long.

- No no no, not at all.

As a matter of fact, I
feel secure in knowing that

my account is being
handled by the leader

of the Logansport
kindergarten band.

- It's all part of
public relations.


- Mrs. R, would you
file these, please?

- Right away.

Why is it the cute ones
are always married?

- You'll have to ask my wife.

- Mr. Connors, you are so funny.

- Oh?

- I meant that Mr. Raymond.

Too bad he's married.

- Well, I wouldn't worry
about it, he doesn't.

- You mean, he's a lech?

- All pro.

Completes more passes
than Roger Staubach

during a two man drill.

- Mom.

What is it?

- Nothing.

It's just so darn
stuffy around here.

Isn't it better with
the door open?

- Okay, leave it open.
- Right.

- I don't know, I think that
the logo down here might...

Mom, is there anything else?

- Do you handle the
Staubach account?

- Why don't we
go over it at lunch?

- Fine.

- Lunch?

You're gonna have
lunch together?

- Uh huh, is Shang Hei
Dragon all right with you?

- Oh fine.
- Good.

- Yeah, that sounds very quaint.

- Oh very quaint
and very intimate.

Too bad you can't join us.

- Well, who says I can't?

I'll take my lunch
hour right now.

- Mom!


Could I talk to you, now?

This is it.

I mean, the final straw
was when she ushered

McFarland into my office

and introduced me
by my old nickname.

- Annie?

- Porky.

- Oh Mom, that's cute.

- Oh sure, cute.

Well it wasn't cute
when she introduced me

by that name to
everybody in the office.

- You know something,
Ms. Romano?

I may be old
fashioned, but I think

that what you're doing
for your mother is terrific.

It's like the old
days, you know?

Family used to
take care of its own.

Somehow today, the
kids, they don't seem

to want to accept
the responsibility.

- Is that all you've
got to say, Schneider?

- Except for this, Ms. Romano.

You're really, you know,
you're like a daughter

used to be, you know?

You're a real throwback.


(door slams)

She seem a little upset to you?

- Yeah, she's gonna
have a bad day tomorrow.

She's having
someone fired at work.

- Ooh that's always rough, who?

- Her mother.


- I quite understand,
M-S Romano.

You want me to
dump your old lady.

- Mr. Connors, you
just don't know what

it's like to have a mother.

Work, you know,
in the same office.

- I can sympathize, Romano.

Her first day here,
your mother demanded

that I show her my clean hanky.

- Now see, you
have some idea about

what I'm going through.

- I asked her, madam, do
I look like the kind of man

who would show up with
a soiled handkerchief?

- Good for you.

- She studied me
carefully and said,

you look like the kind
of man whose nose

wouldn't dare run.

- I'm sorry.

- Don't be, she's right.

- Mr. Connors, I feel
very guilty about this.

But I cannot go on
working this way.

You've got to do something.

- Yes, something's
got to be done.

- Then you are gonna fire her.

- Oh no.

You're going to fire her.


- Annie, you wanted to see me?

- Mom, hi, right.

I want to talk to you.

- Oh, I was hoping
you'd call ahead of lunch.

I checked your calendar.

You haven't allowed
even 10 minutes

for a good, nourishing meal.

- Mom, this is
strictly business.

- You'll feel better with a
little French onion soup.

- No thank you, Mom.

This is important, okay?

- Oh sure honey, okay.

You know you can talk to me.

- Right.


- How about a little bit of
my German potato salad?

- No thank you, Mom.

Can you forget for
a minute that we're

mother and daughter?

This is strictly business, Mom.

Mrs. Romano.

- Somehow, I don't think I'm
gonna like this conversation.

Ms. Romano.

- This is a business office.

This is not home and we do
things a little differently here.

- I notice, you talk
with your mouth full.

- Mom, this is it.

Bottom line.



I love you.

- Well, I love you too, dear.

Bottom line,
whatever that means.

Have a Greek olive.

- Mom, Connors and Davenport

just isn't the right
place for you.

- You're firing me?

My own daughter, a hatchet man.

- I'm sorry.

It just isn't working.

- Oh.

Putting you in a spot like this.

Connors should do
his own dirty work.

- Mom, what are you doing?

- Mr. Connors, Romano Senior.

I'd like to see
you for a minute.

- Mom, would you not, I would...

- Tough, get your butt in here.

- Mom, Mr. Connors is
president of this company.

- It's great, it's swell.

I'll whistle hail to the chief.

- M-R-S Romano.

I assume you have a
satisfactory explanation.

A, a late change of life,

B, too much cooking sherry,

or C, you've gone bonkers.

- D, none of the above.

Do you believe in reincarnation?

- Why do you ask?

- Because if you ever
come back as the creature

you're most like,
I'd be very careful

around Thanksgiving.

- Witty, very witty.

Who writes your
material, my wife?

- Mom, Mr. Connors
is not the one who

wants to let you go.

- Oh, it's that Fred,
that creative director.

- Fred thinks you're the
spark plug of our company.

Sort of the pom-pom mom
of Connors and Davenport.

- Well then, who, why?

Have you been getting
comments from some of the clients?

- Yes.
- No.

- Oh yes, we got comments.

Like charming, courteous,
friendly, efficient.

Very helpful.

- So?

- Mom, it's not
the clients, it's...

- Time I was going.

- Mom, I'm the one
who wants to fire you.

- You said you'd get even.

- Get even?

- For not letting you go to

Geraldine Spinoza's
pajama party.

- Mom, I'm talking about now.


I feel very sorry
and I feel very selfish

and I feel very guilty,
but I can't help it.

You treat me like,

like my mother,
it's embarrassing.

- But I do my job and everybody's
been very complimentary.

- Except me.

Mom, I do love you.

- Well, that's not a compliment.

That's the fourth commandment.

- And I think you've
been doing a terrific job.

- Oh, you don't want me.

- And I think this job
has been a wonderful

thing for you.
- You don't want me.

- And I also feel
that this job...

- You don't want me.

- You're wrong.

- You don't, I am?

- I do want you, but not here.

It's not logical, but I can't
stand having my mother

looking over my
shoulder, doing my filing...

- I work here.

- I know that Mom, I know.

I realize that it's my problem,

but having you here
makes me crazy.

I feel like you're
invading my territory.

- Annie, I never would
mean to invade your territory

or cramp your space
or whatever it is

that you kids say.

I never would've had
the confidence to take

this job without
having you around.

Annie, thank you.

Now I have the confidence.

I quit.

- What?

- I'm quitting.

Yeah, I'm ready to solo.

Hey, you know that
nice Mr. Barovski?

Well he said that if
I ever needed a job,

to give him a call.

I think I'm gonna call him.


- Oh that's wonderful, Mom.

I just think that's wonderful.

- Well?

I trust you two have
resolved your little differences.

- Yeah, I think we have.

- Yeah, we've decided
it's just too much of a strain

for a mother and
daughter to be working

in the same office.

- Good.

Oh, by the way.

Which one of you is leaving?

(upbeat music)