One Day at a Time (1975–1984): Season 5, Episode 10 - Heart Attack - full transcript

Ann suffers a heart attack and needs to slow down her business and personal life.

♪ This is it

♪ This is life, the one you
get so go and have a ball

♪ This is it

♪ Straight ahead and rest
assured you can't be sure at all

♪ So while you're
here, enjoy the view

♪ Keep on doing what you do

♪ Hold on tight,
we'll muddle through

♪ One day at a time
♪ So up on your feet

♪ Somewhere
there's music playing

♪ Don't you worry none,
just take it like it comes

♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time

♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time

♪ One day at a time

- Hi-ya, ya, ya!


- Don't tell me, you're warming
up for another exciting date

with All Hands Johnson.

- Hi-ya!

No, I'm going up to play
racketball with Julie and Mom.

You know you really should
come to the gym with us

sometimes, Max,
you'd have a good time.

- Thanks, but not tonight.

Tonight I'm taking my
first lesson in night flying.

- That scares me.
- Why?

- Because I love you.

Take your pants off.

- Wait a second.

- I have to iron them, dummy.

- Oh, shoot.

I wanted to get a picture
for the Christmas cards.

- I wish we had an ironing
board in the camper.

- What?

She's family.

So where's your mother?

- What do you want, an audience?

- She didn't come
home for dinner.

- Yeah, between work and
school, she seems to have forgotten

that she has a home.

I never see her anymore.

- Maybe she's having an affair.

- No, you can always tell.

She gets a dumb
smile on her face.

- She's becoming a workaholic.

- Hi everybody.

- Oh, um, oh, now I remember.

Hi, mom.

- I have heard so
much about you.

I'm so glad I finally
get to meet you.

- Okay, so I missed
dinner one night.

Two nights.

- A week, a month.

- Hi shorty.

- Well, if it isn't the proud
bird with the golden tail.

- Mother, a jelly donut?

You're going to
spoil your dinner.

- No I won't, this is my dinner.

- You're gonna need some
real energy to play racketball.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

I can't go to the gym tonight.

Got a business appointment.

- Mother, you're being
consumed by your work.

I mean, you're running
around like crazy,

gulping down junk food.

And now for dessert,
a nutritious Rolaid.

- Come on, I'm fine.

Right now I gotta change and
get over to Simpson's Mortuary.

New account.

- If you have to
wait, don't lie down.

I'm telling you, that woman
is making me look bad.

She's twice my age.

- [Ann] Not quite.

- Almost twice
my age and she is,

she's doing twice the work.

- Okay, so I love it.

- Don't discourage her, Max.

She keeps claiming
that one of these days,

she's going to
take us to Tahiti.

- Am I included?

Maybe I can get some
color on these knees.

- Gotta run.

- You ought to
try walking, shorty.

You know you'll still get there.

- Come on, look,
you guys, I'm fine.

Last week I saw a doctor.

He said I was terrific.

- Did he give you a
thorough physical?

- Thorough enough,
considering it was our first date.

- Okay, everybody in the shower.

- Schneider, what the hell
were you doing in our bathroom?

- Hooking up your brand
new magic massage

pulsating shower head.

- Well it is about time.

I ordered it three months ago.

I think with a little effort,

we could have gotten
it sooner, huh, huh?

- She seem a
little uptight to you?

- Schneider, I got a lot of
things on my mind, okay?

- Well maybe this shower
head is exactly what you need.

See, it's got four settings
depending on your mood.

It's got soothing,
tingling, invigorating,

and hurt me, mama.

- Thank you, Schneider.

I gotta go.

Gotta go to the mortuary,
don't want to be late.

- You don't want to be early.

- It's for her work, Schneider.

- Oh yeah, that makes her
a working stiff. (chuckles)

- Ma.

I guess she's not home yet.

- Barbara, which
burger is yours?

- The one with all the ketchup.

- I found it.

(phone ringing)

Barbara, will you get the phone?



Yes, this is her daughter.


What happened?

Oh, no.

- Julie, what's the matter?

- It's mom, she's
in the hospital.

It's her heart.

Is she gonna be okay?

I see.

Thank you.

They don't know,
we gotta go right now.

- Hi... Julie, you're bleeding.

- Schneider, we have
to go to the hospital.

- Wait a minute, let me
just stop the flow of...


- Schneider, it's Mom.

She's had a heart attack.

- She's had a...

A heart attack?

- Excuse me, is this
the coronary care unit?

- Yes it is, and it looks like
you got here just in time.

Don't try to talk, sir.

- I'm not having a heart attack.

- Just sit down.

- No, no, it's not him.

We went to the emergency
room and they told us

to come up here.

We're looking for our
mother, Ann Romano.

- Can we see her?

- I'll have to check with
the attending physician.

Please wait here.

- Julie, what...
- She's gonna be okay.

Barbara, she's gotta be okay.

- I wish they'd
tell us something.

- You know what they
say, no news is no news.

How big an attack
could she have?

She's such a little woman.

It's just a theory of mine.

- Girls.

Miss Romano is under sedation,

but I'll let you see
her for a minute.

- Julie.
- Yeah, me too.

- Look, kids, don't worry.

Your mother is
as strong as an ox.

A cute little pink ox.

- She looked so pale.

- Hardly even moved.

- She's gonna be okay.

- Yeah, did you see all
those wires and gadgets

they had her hooked up to?

- Yeah, I know.

She looked like the bionic
woman getting a tune up.

- Schneider, can you
please stop pacing?

You're making me nervous.

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

(newspaper rattling)

- Pace, Schneider, pace.

- Are you the Cooper girls?

- Yes, yes, we are.

We're all together.

These girls are my uncles.

- Yes we are.

- Hi, I know you're anxious
to talk about your mother.

- Excuse me, my dear.

If you don't mind, we'd
rather hear it from the doctor.

- I'm a nurse.

She's the doctor.

- Kelly Bradshaw, cardiologist.

- Dwayney Schneider, surprised.

- Why don't we sit down?

- Let me get a chair.

- I'm Barbara and
this is my sister Julie.

How is our mother, doctor?

- Well, it's a little
too early to tell

but so far, there
are no complications

and we are very hopeful.

- Thank God.

- We did some blood tests,
we're doing some more,

along with EKGs and we
should have some definite results

later tomorrow.

- I just want you to know
that if she needs a transplant,

I'm here.

I mean a transfusion,
not a transplant.

- It's not necessary,
but thank you.

- Doctor, my mother is so young.

How in the world could
this happen to her?

- Well, it may be hereditary
or it could be lifestyle,

especially the way she
handles that lifestyle.

- The thing, I mean, women
don't get heart attacks.

They give them.

- Mr. Schneider, sex is
not a determining factor

in heart problems.

- Thank God.

- Schneider.

- Actually, women don't get
nearly as many heart attacks

as men at this age,
but now that we're going

for equal jobs, pay,
pressures, and we're smoking

like chimneys,
we're bound to get

our share of heart attacks.

Now I see that your
mother holds down a job,

she goes to college,
runs a household.

That's a loaded situation if
you don't handle it properly.

Is your mom the kind of person
who controls her emotions?

- Yes.
- No.

- She usually controls them.

- Yeah, that's with her.

With me, she just lets it fly.

- That's the best
thing she could do.

Let it out.

- What can we do for her now?

- Look, doctor, no
offense, but maybe,

maybe this is not what
it seems, you know?

I know for example,
sometimes I'll have a dinner

down at Benny's Beanery
and I'll feel like afterwards

that I'm having a
heart attack, you know?

His chili should be
served by paramedics.

- Schneider.

- I'm sorry, I'm running
off at the mouth.

I'm just nervous.

- It's okay, I know.

Look, she's young, she's
strong, and apparently

very feisty.

About the only thing we
can do right now is wait

and maybe say a little prayer.

- Doctor, you're a scientist.

Do you believe that a
prayer is going to help?

- Well, something got me
through medical school.

Talk to you later.

- You want to give it a shot?

- Sure, right here in the hall?

- He can hear.

- I know, I just feel so guilty.

The only time I pray anymore
is when I want something.

- Yeah, I know what you mean.

But it never hurts to check in.

Why don't we sit down?

Dear lord, hello.
(clears throat)

It's me again.

Dwayne Schneider from Sekakis.

I'm here today with these
two fine young women.

I know it's been a long time.

Actually, hasn't been that long.

I think the last time was when

I had a blowout
on the interstate.

Thing is, Lord, we're
in a lot of trouble,

the three of us, see.

The mother of these
two fine young girls,

Miss Romano, I don't
know if you're up on Miss,

it's an abbreviation
or something,

nobody knows what the hell for.

Anyway, we don't want
to lose Miss Romano.

We want her to be okay.

So if you will grant us this
one wish for Miss Romano,

that would make the
three of us very happy.

So that's all I have
to say and goodbye

and thank you and amen, amen.

- She's awake.

- Can we talk to her?

- All of you shouldn't go in.

Okay, for a moment.

Just don't overstimulate her.

- Maybe I shouldn't go in.

- I'm sure it will be all right.

- Hi mom.
- How you doing?

- Hi.

- I love you.
- I love you.

- How you feeling, mama?

- I don't know.

All I can smell is ketchup.

- Hi there, carrot top.

- Schneider, you're here.

- The important
thing is you're here.

- What did the doctor say?

- The doctor said
you're doing great.

I can believe it, look
at this, a private room.

No smog problems.

Snorting it straight
out of the bottle there.

And you got your own
hospital stock report there,

look at that.

What does that say there?

Let's see, sheets are
up, bedpans are down.

Hospital gowns are
opening higher, woo.

- Will you call Mom
and Mr. Connors?

- Yes, Mom.

- Look, you don't have
to worry about anything

at home either.

We're gonna take
care of it, okay?

- Yeah, we got plenty
of clean dishes to last

until you get back.

- I think you better leave now.

- You take care
of yourself, Annie.

- Okay, Dwayne.

- Tell you what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna send over the
cheering up committee

from the lodge.

They got an act, I tell you.

The six guys there, they
got hula skirts on, you know,

and they got mop heads for hair.

You'll laugh so
much you'd like to die.

They're out of state
for the weekend.

- Don't take too long, girls.

- We'll be outside, Mom.

- There's a box
in my desk drawer.

There are papers there.

- Please, you
don't have to say it.

- Just in case.

- Mom, we know where it is.

- Funny what becomes important.

When I realized
what had happened,

the first thing I thought of

was how much I love you two.

- And we love you.

We'll be right outside
if you need us, okay?

- The second thing was,

I'm scared.

- Telling you, this whole thing
could have been prevented.

If she'd have been using that
magic massage every night,

all the pressure, all the
tension would have gone

right down the drain.

Instead, right to her heart.

- Schneider, it's not
your fault, it's mine.

I'm the one always
dumping my problems on her.

- Yeah, you're both
off the hook, okay?

It's my fault.

I've been doing stupid
things ever since I was born.

- Maybe you're right.

- Hey.
- Max.

- Julie.

Thank God you're okay.

I got a note at the
airport from Schneider.

It said emergency.

- Max, it's Mom.

She's had a heart attack.

- A heart attack?

Oh my God, is she okay?

- We don't know.

- Oh, Julie.

- I'm telling you, it is so good

to have a family
around in a crisis.

I got something in my eye.

- What happened anyway?

- Mom collapsed
at the funeral parlor.

I think she's the only
person to ever arrive

at this hospital in a hearse.

- You know, when she comes
home, if they don't want her

to move around a lot, you know,

if they want her
to kind of be quiet,

I could rig up a battery
powered bed, see,

then she could move
around the apartment

and she could do her
housework lying down.

- That's very
thoughtful, Schneider.

- Listen, what if
Mom can't get up

when she gets
out of the hospital?

- You can't expect
her to just jump up

and start racing around
like she usually does.

- She tries to do that,
I'm gonna bop her

right on top of the head.

- Max, I know she won't
get up right away but

what if Mom's an invalid?

- Hey, Shorty an invalid?

No way.

I think it would take a football
team to keep her in bed.

- Or at least one
cute quarterback.

- Hi.

- Hi mom.

- Hi Max.
- Hi Shorty.

How you doing?

- Okay.

- You certainly have
slept the day away.

- Girls, I got the test results
here and it's good news.

Your mom should be out
of here in less than a week

and she'll probably
have a complete recovery.

- Less than a week.

Was it a heart attack or not?

- A layman would
call it a heart attack.

Technically what she
had was cardiac arrest.

The heart sustained
a very serious shock,

but apparently there
was no damage.

She's a lucky lady.

Thank God the funeral
director knew CPR.

- He doesn't get much
of a chance to use it.

- See, I knew it all along.

I'm perfectly fine.

- You are not perfectly fine.

We want to do a lot more
tests and from now on,

we're gonna check
on you regularly.

Diet, exercise program,
and maybe teach you

how to handle
stress a little better.

Learn to say, hey, that's
the way it is, so what?

- That's gonna be a tough one.

That sounds terrific.

- Annie, look, I
know you're scared.

- Yeah.

I am a little.

A lot.

- A lot scared isn't necessary.

A little scared is good.

So you learn not to
agonize over everything.

- Doctor.

If I do everything
you tell me to,

am I gonna be okay?

Level with me.

- Well, my lawyer would kill
me if I said anything definite

but I think you're
gonna be just fine.



- Lawyer would be proud of you.

- Doctor, are there
gonna be any restrictions?

Anything I'm not
gonna be able to do?

- Yeah, what about sex?

- Oh, uh.

All that she wants.

- Wow.

That's more than I got before.

Okay, how about work and school?

- That's fine too.

Look at it this way.

What you had is
like a speeding ticket.

Nobody's taking away
your license to drive,

but you've been warned, okay?

- Okay.

- Now take it easy,
relax, and I'll see you later.

Bye kids.

- Thank you.
- Thanks.

(Ann sighs)

- Okay, okay.

How about all of us
go to romantic Tahiti

over spring vacation?

- Really, that's wonderful.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Spoke to Dr. Bradshaw.

Says you're gonna be terrific.

- [Ann] Yeah.

- You know, Miss Romano,

I had a lot of time to
sit and think out there.

So I, uh...

I wrote you a poem.

Poem by Dwayne Schneider.

Dear Miss Romano.

Dear Miss Romano,

I just want you to know

I'm awfully glad you didn't go.

Girls would miss
you and I would too,

for life is short
and so are you.

- It's very sweet.


- I'm really, really glad
that you feel better.

- Yeah.

- Gotta really, you know,
learn how to take care

of this beautiful,
wonderful body

that the good lord gave you.


Okay, I have some
hot dogs and corn chips.

- We haven't eaten all day, mom.

(kids chattering)