One Day at a Time (1975–1984): Season 4, Episode 18 - Francine Strikes Again - full transcript

One of Ann's business accounts is stolen by Francine.

♪ This is it, this is it

♪ This is life, the one you get

♪ So go and have a ball

♪ This is it, this is it

♪ Straight up and rest assured

♪ You can't be sure at all

♪ So while you're
here enjoy the view

♪ Keep on doing what you do

♪ Hold on tight,
we'll muddle through

♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time

♪ So up on your
feet, up on your feet



♪ Somewhere
there's music playing

♪ Don't you worry none,

♪ Just take it like it comes

♪ One day at a
time, one day at a time

♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time

♪ One day at a time
♪ One day at a time

(phone ringing)

- Holy mackerel,
what a beautiful office.

This is really classy.

It's like a McDonald's
with carpeting.

(laughter)

- Schneider, I really appreciate
your driving me down here.

- It's my pleasure.

This place has got a lotta
very nice equip, equipment.



(laughter)

- Ann, good morning.

- Okay, Francine, I'm late.

Okay, my car broke
down and I'm late, okay.

- Oh, Ann, I never even noticed.

What's an hour,
and eight minutes?

(laughter)

- You and she still
working in the same place?

And they gave the Nobel
Peace Prize to Sadat and Begin.

- Well, we share a
common interest, my job.

At Connors and
Davenport, there is only one

female account executive,
me, that's their quota.

- What a buncha
male chauvinists.

Makes you wonder
why they would give

an office like this to a woman.

(laughter)

- Okay.

Okay, today's the day.

This is it, wish me luck.

- Absolutely, kid, good luck.

For what?

- Oh, today I'm hitting
Mr. Davenport for a raise,

a big fat, I've got a
daughter who's applying to go

to college, an ex-husband
who won't make his payments

and I need a new car raise.

- That's the spirit, carrot top.

You get in there and
you knock him dead.

And when you're talking
to Mr. Big face to face,

you remember two things, right.

One, you are
entitled to that raise.

- Right.

- And two, you can
always get another job.

(laughter)

Maybe not right away,
and you might have

to start at the
bottom, you know.

- Schneider, can you...

- Romano, where the
hell have you been?

- Can you handle
a delivery truck?

(laughter)

- Morning, Mr. Davenport.

- How are you
there, Mr. Davenport?

- What are you doing here?

- Well, Ms. Romano's
car wouldn't work.

It's kind of an old car, she
really could use a new one.

A new car costs money,
but see when you're raising

two kids, you know.

- Thank you for
driving me again.

- Listen, Ann, I gotta
talk to you right now.

It's very important.

- Say listen, Davenport,
you got a janitorial service?

- Well, I, yes.

- Well you're
getting ripped off.

You got a wax buildup
in your hallways,

and the sand in the
ashtray by the elevator,

it's all filthy.

There ain't no ifs
or ands about it,

your sand is full of butts.

(laughter)

- Okay, Schneider, I'm gonna
give that top priority, bye.

- Okay.

- Listen, maybe
you better sit down

because it's not good
news I'm bringing you.

- Hey, Davenport,
do you validate?

- Talk to the receptionist.

- She's outta stickers.

- Ay yi yi, here, there you go.

- Thanks, I owe you a buck.

(laughter)

- You owe me a buck.
- I owe you a buck.

(laughter)

- Okay, so, what's the problem?

- Charlie Anderson
is leaving us.

Starting his own agency.

- Oh wow, that's nice.

- That is not nice.

- No that's not nice.

What I meant was,
it's nice for Charlie.

- Yeah, that's nice for
Charlie, but that's not nice

for Connors and Davenport
because Charlie is starting

his new agency with your
biggest account, Rutledge Toys.

- He is stealing Rutledge Toys?

- Yeah, that is the
word, Romano, stealing.

He is stealing Rutledge
Toys, can you believe it?

We have had that account
since Connors and I

started this agency.

We stole it when we
left Larribee and Rice.

(laughter)

- I have knocked myself
out on that account.

I know more about
toys than Mattel.

- Yeah, well,
that's the trouble.

You know about toys,
Charlie knows about Rutledge.

Four martini lunches,
golf at the club,

and most of all, a little
whoop-de-doo with lovely ladies.

- Oh, but I have doubled sales.

- Well, let it be a
lesson to you, Romano.

Business is not all business.

Anyway, Rutledge is
coming into town today

to wrap things up, he'll
be here about 11 o'clock.

So get all the Rutledge
materials together for him, huh?

We lost it, Annie.

The account which, incidentally,
paid 20% of your salary.

- Ah, salary, speaking
of salary, Mr. Davenport.

I need a raise, a big raise.

- Well, Romano, I gotta
admit, you are terrific.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, I mean, here I
am trying to break it to you

that you might be in
line for a 20% pay cut,

and you, you you you.

You're terrific, what
a sense of humor.

(laughter)

- Oh, Ann, I just
heard the bad news.

- 44 seconds, what took
you so long, Francine?

(laughter)

- Now I know you're upset.

You've had a terrible morning.

- I have, I was just
saying to myself,

what else could go wrong?

Ta-da.

(laughter)

- Ann, I get the feeling
I'm not your favorite person.

But you do have your
faults too, you know?

- And I'm sure you'll
tell me all of them.

- Oh, I could, but why
waste the entire day?

(laughter)

You are keeping the office?

(clearing throat)

- Francine, do you
believe in reincarnation?

- I don't know, why?

- I was just wondering.

Do you ever get the
feeling that you should be

circling over the
African desert,

smelling the wind
for dying wildebeest?

(laughing)

- Oh my, what a colorful,
original imagination.

Too bad you couldn't
use it to sell toys.

- Francine, I did a hell
of a job on that account.

If I had just buttered
that Rutledge up a little,

the old skirt chaser.

- Oh, so that's the
kind of man he is.

- Yeah.

You know, he could
model a toy after himself.

Call it the Incredible Lech.

(laughter)

It turns green, and it
chases Barbie dolls.

(laughter)

I'm just not gonna
play his game.

- Good.

I mean, that's good,
don't play his game.

You are strictly business.

- You're not gonna
understand this, Francine,

but that's exactly the
way I'm gonna play this,

strictly business.

When he gets here at 11, I
am gonna give it my best shot.

I'm gonna show him
everything I've got lined up.

- Oh, Ann, I do understand.

And it should be interesting
to see what happens

when Mr. Rutledge gets here.

At, uh, 11?

- Romano, what are you doing?

- Just setting the stage.

- Annie, that stage
just rolled outta town.

The Rutledge
contract expires today.

- Yeah, well, I
think I've got an idea

that'll snatch victory
from the jaws of defeat.

I think I can get a tie-in
with the Rutledge Disco Doll

and American Bandstand.

- That's not bad, but
the boat has sailed.

(intercom buzzing)

- Yeah.

Ah, Lois, thank you.

It's Mr. Rutledge, he's here.

I'm gonna give him
everything I've got.

- Too little and too late.

(door knocking)

- Well, what a pleasant
surprise, Mr. Rutledge.

- A surprise, how are
you, Ms. Romano?

- I'm just fine, thank you.

- Al, Al, Al.

You look like a
million and two bucks.

- Yeah I know, I know.

(laughter)

Jerry, I know this is really
very awkward for all of us.

I want you to know
that I feel godawful.

- No need for
that, Mr. Rutledge.

- But business is business.

I'm just gonna be
in town overnight.

I thought I'd pick up anything
I had in Ms. Romano's files.

- Right, right, right,
business is business.

Okay, Romano, you might as
well give Mr. Rutledge his files.

- No.

- No?

- No.

- No?

- No, what is it that you
just said, Mr. Rutledge?

Business is business, right?

- Right, right.

- Okay, tell me, when does
your contract with us expire?

- You know as well as I do
when it expires, at noon today.

- Yes, and that gives
us just under an hour.

Please sit down.

- Ms. Romano, I
am a very busy man.

- Yeah, but you could be
busier, please, sit down.

Now, I have a holograph
set up for the toy fair

so you can see all
of your toys in 3-D.

- That's wonderful,
but Charlie has some

really dynamite ideas.

- Okay, get this, I have the
lead story in the Toy Journal

with full-color photos of
your entire production line.

- That's wonderful, but
Charlie is getting the account.

- Annie, I have been thinking
about the Rutledge account.

- The Rutledge account?

- Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, excuse me, Mr. Davenport.

- Later, Francine, we're busy.

- Hello, I don't think
we've met before,

I'm Albert Rutledge.

- Not the Mr. Rutledge,
Ann has been,

no no no no, she must have
been speaking of your father.

(laughter)

- I see.

You say you have
some ideas for me?

- I'm sure she has.

- It's too late, Francine.

The curtain's down,
it's Charlie's act now.

- Never mind, never mind,

I haven't signed
anything with Charlie yet.

What have you got?

- Oh, I have got a terrific...

- Oh, in that case, wait
til you hear Francine's

inspiration for tying
in your new disco doll

with American Bandstand.

- Disco doll?

- That's terrific, I like that.

Why didn't you ever
think of anything like that?

- Well, my ideas aren't
really all that original.

- Can't argue with that.

- I mean, I'm sure that
Annie has some ideas here

that are very saveable.

- Thank you.

- And of course, my ideas
wouldn't carry very much weight

unless I were the
account executive.

- Why shouldn't you be
the account executive?

Jerry?

- The account executive.

- Why not?

- Why not, that's what
I was just thinking.

- Of course, I would have
to work very close to you,

Mr. Rutledge, for guidance.

- Call me Al.

- Al.

- Mm-hmm.

- Would you like
to guess who it is

who built up this account?

- Would you like to guess
who it is who can save it?

You're right, Romano,
the two of you

would make a great team.

- What?

- Romano and Francine,
great team, working together.

Annie and Frannie, both
working on the Rutledge account.

- Two account executives?

- Well, Francine would be the
executive account executive.

- You expect me to
work for Francine?

- Only if you expect
to keep working for me.

- I don't see why we can't
work something out here.

Listen, our contract has
about another hour to run.

Let's knock some
ideas around over lunch.

- Great, I'm starved.

- Francine.

- But Romano and I
have a lotta work to do,

so you two just go right ahead.

- I would love to.

You know, I think
it's so important to get

to really know the client.

- [Albert] I agree, I agree.

(laughing)

- Boy, she is a born salesman.

(laughter)

Come on, what's
the matter with you?

Cheer up, you're
a team, remember?

- What I am remembering
is that I have two children

to support and a
car that just died.

Mr. Davenport.

If we do keep this account,
who's really gonna be in charge?

- What's the difference?

You know what
it's like around here,

all for one, one for all.

So you just keep
coming up with the ideas,

you make the contacts,
lay out the campaign.

- And she gets all the credit.

- That's the spirit, I knew
you were a team player.

(laughter)

Here we go, kid, we're gonna
save the Rutledge account.

We're gonna save
the Rutledge account.

(applause)

(door knocking)

- Who's there?

- [Barbara] Barbara and Julie.

- Oh.

- Hi, Mr. Davenport.

- Hi ya.

- Hello, Mr. Davenport.

We brought some dinner for Mom.

- Oh, good, I was
beginning to worry about her.

- You were?

- Yeah, I was afraid she'd
waste time going out to eat.

(laughter)

Hey, Romano, your kids are here.

- Oh, hi.

- Hello, Mom.

- Listen, girls, don't take
too much of her time, huh?

- How moving, visiting hours.

- Oh funny, very funny.

It must be wonderful to have
a funny mother, huh, girls?

Yes, listen, save the wit
for the Rutledge account,

or the unemployment line.

Good night.

- Good night.

- Why is he giving
you such a hard time?

- Mr. Warmth.

Oh, I'm not teed off at him.

It's that ingenue from
the Rocky Horror Show.

(laughter)

- Francine Webster.
- Francine Webster.

- You got it.

I tell ya, I don't understand
how some women operate.

- I know, Mom, when it
comes to sex, you're so naive.

(laughter)

- Oh it is very nice to have
some human company.

Thank you for coming
down, but you better get going.

I got more work to do, and I
got a meeting with Francine.

- Francine works nights?

(chuckling)

(laughter)

- She and Rutledge are
having dinner together,

and she's gonna pitch
some of my ideas to him.

- Ah, and he's gonna pitch
some of his ideas to her.

- Well, that is her problem.

That, and getting him
to sign the contract.

- Hello, Ann, oh, hello, girls.

- Well, I see you're all
dressed for a night's work.

(laughter)

- And look at you.

What fun, an office picnic.

- Yeah, up til now, all we
missed were the insects.

(laughter)

(applause)

- Been poisoning their
minds, I see, Annie.

Well, remember, whether
you like it or not, we are a team.

- Like Edgar Bergen
and Charlie McCarthy?

(laughter)

- Bye, girls.

- Good night, Edgar.

(laughter)

- Thank you.

(door closing)

- Ann, what are you doing?

Trying to prove that
Davenport is right,

that two ladies
can't work together?

- Oh, I would love
to work with a lady.

(laughter)

- Well, so much
for the pleasantries.

I hope you've managed
to come up with something

that might interest Albert
when I meet him for dinner.

- From the way you're dressed,

you know damn well what's
going to interest Albert.

- Despite your warped
little mind, Romano,

the only thing that I am
selling is a PR campaign.

It just so happens that I
like to change my clothes

at least once a day.

- And shed your skin
at least once a year.

(laughter)

- Suppose we just hear
some of your brilliant ideas.

- Yes, okay, Francine,

I think I've come up with
something pretty terrific.

Rutledge Toys
provides the mascot

for the President's
Council on Physical Fitness.

The Rutledge mechanical
walking dog, Daniel the Spaniel.

- Washington would never buy it.

- Francine, I think they will.

Would you like to listen to me?

At the height of the
spring's physical fitness rally,

this Daniel the
Spaniel comes walking

down Pennsylvania Avenue.

- From where?

- From where else, Chicago,
home of Rutledge Toys.

671 miles away, the
longest walk in history

by a mechanical dog.

- It would take the dog six
months to walk from Chicago.

- Ha ha, exactly, and
publicity every step of the way.

That dog is gonna be in the
Guinness Book of World Records.

- Are you putting me on?

Romano, what I'm
looking for here is

some creativity,
some originality.

- You want originality?

You?

(phone ringing)

Romano here.

Ah, Mr. Rutledge, just a moment.

It's for you, Francine,
an obscene phone call.

(laughter)

- It's business.

- The oldest.

(laughter)

- Hello, Albert.

Oh yes, I'm looking
forward to a really

delightful evening too.

- A very delightful evening too.

(laughter)

- Oh, yes, I love the Biltmore.

Are we eating in
the Regency Room?

Oh, what room are we eating in?

Room 1741.

(laughter)

Um, Albert, you know,

I know a very nice
quiet little place.

Oh, no, no no.

Of course, I'd love
to come to your room.

Number?

- 1741.

(laughter)

- 1741, right, fine.

See you in a few minutes, bye.

- Daniel the Spaniel
walking to Washington.

You know, I kind
of like that idea.

- Kind of.

- No, really, I really like it.

- Like?

- Love.

Love it, I really
love it, a lot.

- Overplay your hand, Francine?

- Okay, Romano, look.

I am the executive in
charge of this account,

and I want you to bring that
contract to Rutledge's room

tonight at nine o'clock sharp.

- Oh gee whiz, Francine.

I sure would hate to interrupt
a really delightful evening.

(laughter)

- Romano, that is an order.

Please.

(laughter)

You need his signature
on that contract

just as much as I do,

but there is one thing I
am not going to do to get it.

- You made your bed.

(laughter)

- Ann, look, if he knows
that you're coming,

he won't try anything
until after you leave.

- So?

- So, so after he
signs the contract,

you announce that there's
a crisis on another account

and I'm needed at the office.

- A-ha, work.

The businesswoman's headache.

- That's it, oh
right, oh, Annie.

Thank you so much, I
really do appreciate it.

I will see you at
nine o'clock tonight.

(laughter)

- Albert, how does
such a nice man like you

ever become president
of his own huge company?

- Oh, it was mostly hard work.

I sold newspapers
on street corners.

I waited table in college,
then my uncle died

and left me the
company (laughs).

(laughter)

- Oh, that's an old joke.

- It's a very old
company (laughs).

Let me pour you a
little more champagne.

- Oh my, ooh, I'm so sorry.

(laughter)

Aren't they lovely?

- Yes, lovely.

- Oh no, I was talking
about the flowers.

- I was talking about your
eyes, they're so brown.

The way they sparkle.

- Well, all eyes sparkle
in the candlelight.

Here, let me check yours.

(laughter)

Well, Albert, I'm just so sorry
that we have to wait around

for Ann like this.

- Yes, so am I, call her
up and tell her not to come.

She can mail me the contract.

(door knocking)

- Oh, she's here.

- I'll take care of
this in a minute.

Where do I sign?

- Well it's very
nice to see you too.

- Ann, my goodness,
come right on in.

You know, we were
beginning to think

you were never going to show up.

- Oh, I thought I'd...

- Oh, no time for Ann to take
her coat off, much too busy.

(laughter)

- How about some coffee first?

- Oh no, the coffee's
cold, yucky, terrible blah.

- No, Francine, I
really don't think

I have time for coffee.

Mr. Rutledge, could you
sign right here please?

- Oh, Ann.

Oh, nothing.

- There you go,
name on dotted line,

glad to be back at
Connors and Davenport,

loved all your
ideas, good night.

(laughter)

- Ann, don't you have
something to say?

- Oh yes.

Good luck.

(laughter)

(applause)

- Oh wait a second.

You know, this is
really an occasion.

I mean, we really
should celebrate.

- What?

- Yes, you know, a
little champagne cocktail,

to the three of us, and
to a very good year.

- I'm sure that Ann can't
stay for anything like that.

- Well, maybe just a sip.

- Oh, that's wonderful.

Oh, Albert, please
would you do the honors?

There's a glass right
over there for Ann.

(laughter)

Oh my goodness, look
at this, there's no ice here.

- There was ice there
just a minute ago.

- Well there's none now.

(laughter)

- You know, you want
ice in champagne?

- Well, it just goes to my
head faster when it's cold.

- I'll get the ice.

(laughter)

- Wait a second, Romano,
what are you doing?

You promised to be
here at nine o'clock.

- Nine o'clock, yes,
and that's all I promised.

So goodbye.

- Wait a second, Ann, I,

I really need your help here.

What do you want?

- For starters, I don't
like being bossed around

on an account
that belongs to me.

- But the title, executive
account executive.

- Goodbye.

- Oh, you're right,
you're right, okay, okay.

It's your campaign.

It's your ideas.

It's your

account.

(laughter)

- You know, I really
wish I could trust you

on this, Francine,
I really do, but.

- What are you doing, Annie?

Ann?

Ms. Romano?

Boss.

(laughter)

- Ah, hello, Mr. Davenport,

I've got a three-year signed
contract here with Rutledge,

and Francine
wants to talk to you.

- Mr. Davenport.

Um, Rutledge was very impressed.

Yes, he just loved my ideas.

- Your ideas.

- I mean Ann's
ideas, Ann's ideas.

He loved Ann's ideas, yes.

And I think that Ann should
handle the Rutledge campaign.

- Alone.

- Alone?

- Bye.

- Alone, alone,
Mr. Davenport, right, yes.

And I could be
sort of the, well,

the liaison.

- Oh, what an appropriate word.

(laughter)

Hi there, Mr. Davenport,
listen, about that raise.

Hello.

- I got the ice!

(laughter)

- Yes, I'll get right on
that, yes, sir, bye-bye.

Francine, get your coat.

- What's going on?

- Well, there was a
client, from Chicago,

that needs a presentation
on tomorrow morning's plane.

- Oh, well, that means
another one of those

all-night sessions,
you know how they are.

- I've forgotten.

(laughter)

- Well, Mr. Rutledge, thank you.

Bye-bye, Francine?

- Oh, Albert, oh, Albert.

I'm just so glad
this didn't happen

until after we had
our lovely dinner.

It was such a complete evening.

What else could anyone want?

(laughter)

Okay, okay, Romano.

I owe you one.

- I know.

(laughter)

(applause)

("One Day at a Time"
instrumental theme)

- [Bonnie] One Day at a
Time was recorded live

on tape before a
studio audience.

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